I am a woman giving birth to myself
I am a woman giving birth to myself. Stepping into the unknown and following my heart has been the best thing I have ever done in my life (other than having children.) I didn’t push or make it happen, but I allowed it to unfold according to a divine plan or the Master Plan. We know that “giving birth” is not easy, whether it be giving birth to your own child or a dream such as a new business/career or a new relationship. I think we are always giving birth to something new in our lives and we can either welcome change and go with the flow or fight it because of fear, doubt and not believing in yourself. It took me 7 years to write my book because I didn’t believe in myself. There were many nights I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because I had so much fear inside of me.
Through the grace of God and the willingness to do whatever I needed to do to heal my soul, I am no longer that woman. Today, I am Simply a Woman of Faith and living my dream in paradise. If anyone would have told me 5 years ago that I would be living in Maui, I would have told them they were crazy. I always dreamed of visiting Hawaii, but living here was beyond my wildest dreams.
For the last several weeks, I kept saying to my friends “I feel like I am giving birth.” The week before I moved into my new beautiful home, I felt vulnerable and weary. I sat in the car and allowed the tears to come. For the 4th time in 6 weeks I was packing up my car to move again. I knew I was in the last leg of the race and needed God’s strength to pull me through. I said to God, “One more contraction and the baby will be born.” What I didn’t realize until a friend pointed it out to me is that my journey started 9 months ago when I moved to Maui. I have not had a place to call my own for 9 months. It seemed very significant. We cannot rush the baby along and it takes what it takes to be born.
Moving into my new home was like giving birth. It took me 2 days to unpack my boxes and get nestled in. I put up curtains, put pictures on the walls and lit candles. Everything that I have been buying at yard sales since I have been here has fit in perfectly. There are no words to describe the joy, happiness and gratitude that I feel today. A friend who helped me move in said, “Pat, this is like a sanctuary, it is so peaceful here. I absolutely love my new Ohana and feel so “at home.” I walk around in awe of what I have created. It took transforming my fears with faith and changing limiting beliefs that were not true, especially feelings of not being worthy or deserving. What do you want to give birth to? You may have a vague feeling or a desire to do something different or new. If you don’t know what it is, I encourage you to spend time in prayer and meditation and ask Spirit for clarity and courage. We all have gifts that God wants us to use to serve humanity.
I so looked forward to sleeping in my bed the first night I was here. I woke up several times and my back hurt. The mattress felt like I was sleeping on a board and it was very uncomfortable. I thought to myself, “I will have to find some kind of foam to put over the mattress.” The next morning, my land lady called to ask if I would like some fresh avocados and lemons that she just picked from the tree. Of course, I was delighted and said, “Yes.” During the conversation (and I had not said a word about the mattress to her) she said, “Can you use a foam mattress? It was given to Lloyd and he is not using it.” I was stunned how quickly this manifested for me and I didn’t do a thing but “show up.” Within 5 minutes, Lloyd carried the mattress down to my bedroom and put it on for me. It was like a new bed and last night I slept like a baby. It is true that God knows our needs before we even do.
I am practicing living in the present moment and going with the flow, which means I need to be flexible and be willing to change directions when needed. I shudder to think of all the years I tried to control my life and everyone around me. I caused myself and others so much stress and wasted so much energy. Today, I know I am responsible for my own life. I cannot control others and what they say or do. It is there business and not mine. If I am asked for advice, I give it, but then I need to let it go. Have you ever tried to convince someone they are doing thing wrong and it falls on deaf ears? If they would only do it your way, life would be so much easier. Been there, done that and it doesn’t work! Every morning I get on my knees and say the serenity prayer along with my intention for the day which is to be peaceful, love and to serve.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can (ME) and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you are struggling with control issues, pray this prayer, it works miracles.
You are a woman or a man giving birth to yourself. Let yourself feel the excitement for what is being born in you. Say YES to your heart. Say YES to God and to your gifts. You are ONE with God and created in His/Her image. You have everything you need inside of you to step into the world and be the STAR of your life. Go for it because you got it going on!
I will be moving into my new Ohana today and am so excited and ready. Of course, I already have it decorated in my mind’s eye. It has been 6 weeks since I landed in Maui and I am very grateful to my new friends who opened their hearts and homes to me. I was invited to stay with my friend Joni in her beautiful “resort home,” overlooking the ocean and surrounded by luscious flowers right before my ohana was ready to move into. For 6 days, I felt like a queen. I have been living out of suitcases and boxes and my car is packed to the brim with everything I own! Here is what it looks like.
As the yard sale queen, God is providing me with everything I need at great prices. Here is one example: While I was house sitting in Makawao for the last 16 days, I fell in love with Summers “Homedics Massaging Cushion” for a chair. I casually asked God to provide one for me at a yard sale and then forgot about it. I was quite happy when I walked into the yard sale and spotted the brand new, still in the box “Homedics Massaging Cushion” and at an unbelievable price. God is good. We must ask, believe and then expect good to come our way in Gods timing.
Several weeks ago I went to a big yard sale and Joseph and Marlowe (who are becoming household names) were also there. I greeted them briefly and said, “I can’t talk now!” and off I went to see what bargains I could find. They got in the car and laughed like crazy because I was so focused. They said, “She is a woman on a mission.” I felt embarrassed because I didn’t realize it was so obvious!
I feel like a kid in a candy shop, running around and wanting to taste everything all at once. This is what it has been like for me since I moved to Maui. I want to paint, do yoga, attend the energy healing circle, change my diet and eat healthier, give up sugar (maybe), exercise more, learn how to chant, dance, do water aerobics to name just a few – and I want to do it all NOW. Can you relate? It makes me tired just thinking about it.
It’s the energy of the island and being in nature that is naturally calling me to change.This is a good thing, but I don’t have to do it all at once. Too much of a good thing is never a good thing. I am responsible for the pace and peace I bring to each moment and peace and love is my intention each day. I have to admit my impatience of “wanting it all now” was definitely being activated as well as the belief that if I don’t do it now, it won’t happen at all. I’ve realized that as I teach others, I have to RELAX and slow down.
I shared in an earlier blog that I was going to be house sitting for 16 days and that I wanted to (P&P) Pray and Play. My desire was to go deeper with God and myself, although I really didn’t think about what that meant. For me, going deeper means that I allow and invite God’s “flashlight” to shine in places in my heart that needed to be transformed and healed. I do that by paying attention to what my body and spirit need because they always guide me to the truth and inspire me as to what to do next.
When I woke up on Sunday morning, I didn’t feel like going to church, which felt strange, because I love attending the Unity service. I felt like staying home to be with myself and God. I didn’t know why but when I went inside and got quiet, I knew it was the right thing to do for myself. I didn’t “should” on myself or doubt myself because I have learned to trust my “Inner Knower,” which is always right. Once I made the decision to stay home, the peace came, which for me, is is always a sign that I am doing the right thing.
What I have learned about myself is that as an introvert, I get my energy from going inside. I love people and connecting but I get “recharged” when I am quiet and go within. It is vital to my well being that I take the time to do this, because for many years, I stayed busy and ran around like a chicken without its head, in order to avoid my feelings (especially self hatred, shame, fear and inadequacy). I became exhausted and lost my peace. No more! Today, I feel everything and strive to live in the present moment so I can be in the flow. It is only in the present moment that I experience God. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here yet. Today it is about “allowing” and not pushing and making things happen.
Part of going within is paying attention to my dreams, because God often speaks to me through a dream. I may not have a dream that I remember for months and then I have one that I remember and work with it. A few nights ago, I had a dream that I went back to my old job that I retired from, but I had no clients. I wasn’t even getting paid and it was almost like I was invisible. I asked myself some important questions like “where I am going backward in my consciousness or choosing to remain in the past and why?”
As I worked with the dream, I became aware that I was still connecting my sense of value to working and getting paid. Because I am not receiving a “paycheck,” I was doubting my value and worth. I want to believe that my value and worth comes from my connection to the divine and it is not about doing, but BEING. As I continued to go deeper to reach the belief that was still operating, it surprised me what came up. The bottom line belief was “I will run out of money and not be able to provide for myself and not be able to live my dream.”
My prayer was, “Thank you God for bringing this to the light so it can be transformed into faith.” I believe that God is my source, not my pension, social security or my 401K. All this can be taken away in a twinkle of an eye and all that is left is God. I know that having a big bank account is not where my security and value come from. There is nothing wrong with having a big bank account because I believe God’s desire for me is to be prosperous, but God doesn’t want me to live in fear and worry that I will run out of money.
I waste precious time and energy if I worry and stress that I will not have enough money to provide for myself. I am also not trusting God to provide for all of my needs and then I remind myself that I have always been provided for. I believe this is a universal belief that many people struggle with and that God wants to heal. Can you relate and do you live in fear that you will run out of money, or that your value and worth comes from making money?
This was confirmed when I opened the Daily Word (pg 53) and read: “I need to clear my mind of any thoughts of lack or limitation. I confidently deny this power over me. I synchronize my thoughts with ideas of divine abundance and the creative flow of God’s good. Inspired, capable and ready, I act on divine guidance. With gratitude, I AFFIRM GOD AS MY CONSTANT SOURCE OF SUPPLY. I maintain an attitude of prosperity in all areas of my life and my needs are abundantly met”.
It says in scripture that the battle is in the mind. I have shared that my daily mantra is “I open my heart to receive more good and more of God.” I can say this a million times a day, but it will not work if my belief is “I am not good enough, worthy or deserving of good.” I must do battle with these beliefs on a daily basis so I can live in the love and light of who I truly am as a child of the Divine.
Daily Word pg. 60 I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE A HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL LIFE
I am creating my life on thought, one feeling, one response at a time. Creation begins in mind as a divine idea. Flashes of insight and inspiration, dreams and desires, manifest into thoughts and words. As I take action and proceed in faith, divine ideas take form in my life. Through the creative power of imagination and faith, I use my spiritual qualities and gifts, building a life that is secure, prosperous, happy and healthy.
While in prayer this morning, I came across a poem that someone had given me a long time ago. It spoke to my heart and helped me to remember where I came from and where I am today.
“Whether you know it or not, you are already there…… You are the beauty…… the power…….the wisdom…….the passion…..the knowledge……the fire…….the calm…. the heart and the soul. YOU ARE THE STAR OF YOUR BEING…..all you have to do is let your light shine.
After reading and reflecting on that poem, I remembered a very difficult time in my life when I wanted to give up, put my head under the covers and just go to sleep. Have you ever felt that way? It was when I was writing my book and had no idea of what I was doing. I didn’t believe in myself and felt totally inadequate for the task of writing a book.
I cried myself to sleep and asked for a dream that night. It was only a snippet that I remembered but it was enough to change my life. I was climbing a staircase to heaven and when I reached the top, there was a star. I reached out to touch the star and I became the star. God gave me an affirmation after that which I say often. “I am a STAR that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.”
Letting my light shine and leading others to the God within is truly my passion and mission. I am the beauty, the power, the passion, the love and the star of my own being. How do I let my light shine? By living in JOY. The Daily Word (pg. 52) says “Joy expresses first as a smile, grows into laughter, and expands into radiance, which shines from within.”
I let my light shine by following my heart and listening to my heart’s calling. I open my heart to receive more good and more God so I can be the light to others who are in darkness and need to feel God’s unconditional love. Today, my heart is overflowing with Joy and love because Maui is the energy of love that I am living in.
It has taken me many years to love and believe in myself and let my light shine, but I can truly say that I am no longer afraid to let my light shine and it is shining brightly today. It must be shining brightly because my friends Joseph and Marlowe called me “Angel Sparkling Star.”
I called my daughter Mary today to wish her a Happy 37th Birthday and said, “God danced on the day you were born and so did I.” She thanked me and said, “Mom this is the first birthday that we haven’t spent together.” I said, “I know I thought about that this morning. Mary, even though we are apart physically, our hearts are one and we are both doing what we are called to do in this world.” She agreed and said she was spending the day with friends at her farm and living on the farm is a dream come true for her. When we talked the next day, she said,”I had an awesome day.”
My birthday was yesterday and Mary and I have always celebrated our birthdays together. Before I moved to Maui, I wondered what I would do on my birthday and what it was going to be like without family and friends to celebrate my birthday with. I knew God would take care of me, that I wouldn’t feel lonely and that God would bring me new friends to play with. I had an extraordinary birthday filled with love, magic, gifts, cards, phone calls and flowers.
I invited 5 of my new friends to go swimming and snorkeling with the turtles in Turtle Cove, right outside of where I lived on the ocean. We were all amazed at all the turtles we saw swimming around us. Joseph took a video of me swimming with the turtles and I screamed when I watched it. I will forever be grateful for this precious gift of love. We went to lunch afterward and continued to celebrate my birthday with cake and laughter. It has truly been a week of celebration and fun.
Watch the video (2 minutes)
Then the day after my birthday, my friend Katie invited me to go with her to paint on the beach with a famous artist by the name of Jack Hamilton. I was delighted because I have wanted to paint for many years. I know it is inside of me, but it just wasn’t time to let it out yet. IT IS TIME for this gift to be born and what a beautiful place for it to be born here in Maui. I thought I was going with her to just watch this artist Jack paint, but no, I was invited to paint my first oil painting. There I was on the beach looking like a real artist with the easel and brushes. People walked by and even complimented me on my painting. It felt like I was in heaven. After sending Jack an email a few days later about some questions I had, he emailed me back and said, “Thanks for letting me help in such little ways.” Thank you Jack. This is the energy and spirit of Maui. No wonder why I am in my glory living here.
I am the painter on the right side and Katie is on the left.
My first painting on the beach
I was even more excited when this week Jack just invited Katie and I to the “Maui Masters” art exhibition this weekend at Lahaina Arts Society. He invited us to the reception for the participating artists in the gallery located under the Banyan Tree. Wow, what an honor and treat to be in the presence of Maui’s Masters artists. I hope it rubs off!!!!
Many of you have been following my blogs of how I am living my dream and am now living in Maui. I have been writing about what it was like to let go of the old so the new could come. I have shared the struggle of leaving my family and friends, getting rid of my possessions and stepping into the unknown.
Now it is time to share the NEW that has come and the absolute joy and freedom I am experiencing from letting go of the old. This really works and it is my joy to encourage and inspire you to do the same. God has a plan for your life that will make all of your dreams come true. It is time for you to let go of the old limiting beliefs, fears, worries, not feeling deserving and step into the stardom of your life. Let your light shine because the world needs you and your gifts. You are enough and have everything you need inside of you to be the STAR of your own being.
I wrote in my journal this week, “I AM LIVING IN HAWAII.” I immediately thought, “That’s crazy”, and asked myself,
“How did I get here? I followed my heart, trusted my desires were from God and lived one day at a time. I listened to the inner stirrings of my heart and just did the next right thing, not knowing where it would lead me to. I couldn’t see what was ahead of me, but I trusted that wherever I was was where I was supposed to be. I learned to live and accept the “not knowing” of what was next in my life.
Sometimes it was baby steps to test the waters. Other times, it was gigantic steps, like flying 13 hours on a plane across the ocean. Along the way, I learned to ask for help when I needed it and surrendered my will on a daily basis.
It hasn’t always gone my way (thank God for that) like my house in Rhode Island hasn’t sold like I visualized it would. I thought my house would be sold before I moved to Maui, but it hasn’t sold yet. I could have easily canceled my one way ticket back here (which I paid $30 for) because of fear and the “what if’s.” I wouldn’t allow myself to obsess or worry about it. I know that worrying is just an illusion and doesn’t get me anywhere. It felt right in my gut to leave before my house sold, so I proceeded as planned. I packed up everything I owned, emptied my house and said goodbye.
This is my daily mantra,“ I open my heart to the right and perfect person to buy my condo and thank you God for the perfect and right person to buy my condo.” I visualize a SOLD sign on my house. I know it is God’s timing, not mine. Meanwhile, I just keep surrendering and trusting my Higher Power that I hired.
I move into my new ohana in Maui Meadows on October 17th. Meanwhile, I was living at my friend Ellen’s condo on the ocean when I received a call from a woman named, Summer. She said, “I am leaving for the mainland for 16 days in a few days and my house sitter just canceled because of an emergency in her life. Can you help me?” We made an appointment for us to meet one another. We met a couple of days later and she hired me on the spot.
She lived in Makawao, which is another part of the island that I wasn’t familiar with. I had heard that the spiritual energy in this area was very powerful so I was looking forward to the new adventure God was inviting me to say yes to. She also said, “I will introduce you to my woman friends who are very spiritual.”
I packed up all my stuff that was at Ellen’s and moved to Makawa to take care of Summer’s cat Mochi and water her plants. It was a long drive over to the other side of the island so I was happy when I finally arrived and got settled. As I unpacked everything, I realized I forgot a box at Ellen’s that had all of my medications in it. I needed to spend another 2 hours in the car. In that moment, I made a decision that I would not complain or beat up on myself. I said to myself, “Put you money where your mouth is, Pat. You can either complain or praise, your choice.”
I chose to drive down the highway of GRATITUDE. I saw it as an opportunity to be in the presence of God and enjoy the beauty of the ocean and mountains all around me. The old me would have beaten up on myself for making a mistake and not checking to see if I had everything I needed. NO MORE! Only love and light, knowing God is in every experience and everything that happens to me. I stayed peaceful and calm and enjoyed the scenery.
The next morning in prayer and meditation, as I sat in the energy of love and peace and listened to the beautiful chimes playing, I lifted my arms up and opened my heart to more good coming into my life. I opened my heart to miracles, magic and surprises from God. I just love it when God surprises me, don’t you? The more I open to more good, believe and expect it to come, the more it will come. Good bubbles up from God within me when I allow it.
It will be 4 weeks today that I moved to Maui, but it feels like I have been here forever. So much has happened in this short time that my heart is singing. Meeting new friends and angels that have opened their hearts and homes to me has been amazing.
I was driving home last Saturday from a dance and I had to literally stop and say to myself, “Where am I sleeping tonight?” I stayed at my friend Ellen’s house when I arrived, slept on the couch at my friend Joni’s house one weekend, stayed with Joseph and Marlowe and I am now house sitting for 16 days for Summer. Not only am I a gutsy lady, but I sleep around!
Before I moved over to Makawao, a divine idea came into my head. I wanted to make it into a 16 day retreat for myself. Here is what I wrote in my journal. “My intention is to deepen my relationship with God, to be conscious of the divine presence at all times, to serve God and to share my faith-filled life with whomever God brings into my life.
I have the feeling I am on the brink of deeper transformation and enlightenment and will have many stories to write about.
As I browsed around the Secret Garden the first day I arrived in Makawao, this beautiful plaque spoke to my heart and I would like to share it with you. I know I will be reflecting on each of the words and how it applies to my life.
YOUR LIFE IS A SACRED JOURNEY
And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way.
YOU ARE ON THE PATH
Exactly where you are meant to be right now……
And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdom, power, dignity and love. Caroline Joy Adams
I remembered the sign “Stay on the Path” that I wrote about in one of the weekly blogs. My son Tim saw it as Stay on Pat H. Yes, I am staying on the path and living a life I could not have imagined. When you step out in faith and follow your dreams, God will be there to provide everything you need. I am living proof of it. I love to share my journey with you to inspire you to do the same because your life is a sacred journey and you are on the path.
Creative Ideas Ernest Holmes pg. 62
I see only the good. Today I am resolved to see only the good – God. Whatever there is in my thought that is unlike this and has kept me in bondage is wiped away. A new spiritual enlightenment floods my mind as I become aware of the divine presence as peace, joy, and harmony at the center of my being.
Whatever there is in my thought or experience that has barred me from a fuller experience of the good life is now resolved and dissolved. I accept the constructive, affirmative, creative action of God, which is boundless and free, as not making me free of all limitation. I think only of good; my experience is filled only with good. My acceptance of the good of God as an actuality in my life now transcends all unlike it and makes my life new.
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