HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF
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1. STOP ALL CRITICISM– Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are knowing that you have everything you need in this moment.
2. DON’T SCARE YOURSELF – Stop terrorizing yourself with your negative thoughts. Everything happens to me, “what if mentality.” Find a mental image that brings you pleasure and switch your scary thoughts to pleasurable thoughts. Remember the good things that have happened in the past.
3. SPEND TIME ALONE IN MEDITATION AND PRAYER- Plug into the Power within on a daily basis. Allow yourself to receive Divine Love. Journal your feelings and focus on what you want.
4. BE KIND TO YOUR MIND – Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Change your thinking and focus on the positive things. Start a gratitude journal.
5. PRAISE YOURSELF – Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. Stop looking for others to validate you. Use affirmations on a daily basis. Be patient with yourself and treat yourself as you would your best friend. Look into your eyes often and tell yourself the truth of who you are as a child of God. Believe and trust in yourself.
6. SUPPORT YOURSELF – Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. Ask for help when you need it – it is a sign of strength and courage.
7. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY – Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Exercise. Cherish and revere the temple you live in.
8. ACCEPT YOUR GIFTS – Step into your greatness and magnificence. Stop hiding and let your light shine. Find your passion and live it.
9. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS
DO YOU LIVE IN THE TRUTH OR THE LIE-IT’S YOUR CHOICE
What channel do you listen to everyday in your head? What are the thoughts that occupy the inner sanctuary of your mind? Do you listen to the “not good enough and not deserving” station or do you tune into the station that says “you are a magnificent creation of God living a life of love, peace and joy?” It’s your choice what channel you listen to. The good news is that you can change the channel anytime you want. What are you waiting for? Doesn’t it feel better when you listen to the truth, rather than the lie?
You have to start by asking yourself the question, what is my truth? What do I believe about myself, my God and the world I live in? Do I know that I am one with God and God is all there is? Do I believe that I am a magnificent child of God, intended to live a live of peace, joy and love? Do I believe that God is my source, that I am safe and never alone?
When you truly know deep in your heart that there is no separation from God, the way you experience life will change. The truth is you are a spiritual being deserving love, peace, abundance, happiness and joy. The truth is life should unfold effortlessly in peace, ease and grace. The truth is that you have everything inside of you and your possibilities are unlimited.
Many people don’t believe this on a soul level. They keep the channel on the “not good enough and undeserving” station and don’t know how to change it. The channel has been playing for so many years and it’s comfortable-even though it doesn’t feel good, it’s familiar. Even now, my “not good enough” channel plays in my head. The good news is that when I become aware of it playing, I’m able to change the station to the truth of who I am.
The lie is when you tell yourself that you are not good enough, don’t do enough and are not deserving of good and God. The lie is that you have to be in control and make things happen around you. The lie is that you have to rush, push, stay busy and the more you do, the better it will be and you will get what you want.
You create your reality by your thoughts. Thoughts are energy. You have the power inside to create whatever you want. When you think positive thoughts and are grateful for what you have, you attract more of that into your life. You trust that you have everything you need in the present moment and that all is well. You know that whatever is going on will pass and things will get better.
Choose to live in the truth and change the channel. Choose to live in love and peace. Practice affirmations on a daily basis. Show up and plug into the Power on a daily basis through prayer and meditation. Your life is unfolding according to a divine plan and all is well.
Steps to change the “Not Good Enough” channel
1. Be aware of it when it’s playing. Notice it as it plays in your head. Are you comparing yourself with others, wanting to be perfect or afraid of not being in control?
2. Don’t shame yourself “I can’t believe this is playing again” “what’s wrong with me?”
3. Be compassionate and loving toward yourself.
5. Admit it first to yourself, to God and another person.
6. By acknowledging it, you break the 3 unspoken rules: don’t talk, trust or feel.
7. Rest – rather than pushing, rushing, staying busy embrace it and don’t run from it.
8. Pray, meditate and ask for God’s healing. Repeat the truth: I am one with God, God is all there is. Pray to heal the belief in separation.
JOURNEY TO THE PATH TO INNER PEACE
I have been searching for inner peace for all of my life and for many years in all the wrong places! I looked outside of myself to people, places and things for peace, but it didn’t work, and I found that nothing would fill the hole in my soul, no matter how hard I tried.
I suspect I am not alone in this and that the same may be true for you. Did you hope that the perfect relationship, career, house, financial security, car would bring you the peace you so desire? Of course, there is nothing wrong with any of the above and we all want love, abundance, good relationships and fulfilling careers. This is our spiritual birthright.
The peace I’m talking about is the “Peace That Passes All Understanding.” It’s the peace that comes from within. It is the peace that the world cannot take away. It is peace in your mind and in your heart that allows you to be at peace with yourself, and at peace with others. You are peaceful because you have a deep “inner knowing” that all will turn out for the good of all concerned and you feel safe. It is trusting in a Power greater than yourself that loves and cares about you.
You will be at peace when you choose to be at peace, no matter what is going on in the world around you, so make your daily intention to be peaceful. Every morning my daily ritual is to get on my knees, say the serenity prayer and pray my intention to be peaceful, loving and to be of service.
Peace is an inside job and I believe that connecting with your Source, whether you call that God, Universe, Buddha, Love, Spirit, Intelligence, Higher Power is the answer and the way to inner peace. So, what does it mean to “go within?” It means spending time with yourself, meditating, discovering what you like and don’t like, what you are passionate about and what your dreams are. It’s discovering who you really are on the inside, which is a magnificent spiritual being that is loved and cherished just as you are.
What do you think keeps you from going inside? Is it fear? Are you afraid of what you will find on the inside that you may not like? You may encounter feelings of shame, guilt, self-hatred, abandonment, rejection, low self esteem or depression, and one of the ways women avoid and deny what’s inside, is through drinking, drugging or eating sugar. The other way is through addictive behaviors such as people pleasing, approval seeking, perfectionism, control, workaholism, gambling, internet, excessive TV, shopping, not good enoughism, rushing and staying busy. All of these addictive behaviors medicate and numb the awareness of your feelings.
If you want to have inner peace, you need to take time to listen to your feelings and not dismiss or avoid them. It takes courage to be yourself, to feel and express your feelings. Feelings are the gateway to who you are. They are there to help you know yourself and know what you need to do next. They give you clues if something is wrong, to help you protect yourself and keep yourself safe. They are part of the human condition and we all have them. Feelings are a gift from the Universe.
The way I used to avoid my feelings was by staying busy and rushing. I had to be producing something or I felt anxious. Rushing was my addiction and a way of life for many years. On the outside, I looked peaceful, but there was an “inner rushing” that was pervasive and intense. I never rested or went within for my answers. I believed that others had the answers for my life. I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. I felt energized and powerful when I rushed. It gave me the illusion that I was in control. I rushed to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I never felt good enough and didn’t know how to relax and just BE. Doing is what made me feel strong and bolstered my self esteem – the little that I had. It almost killed me because I was so disconnected from myself, Spirit and the people I loved.
Over the years of practicing going within and having a daily spiritual discipline, I have learned to slow down, honor myself and rest when I need to. I allow things to happen organically and I trust my inner guidance, intuition and wisdom. I have learned to receive my answers through prayer and meditation and by connecting to the Divine guidance within. Creating a peaceful life is of great importance to me and I do whatever I need to do to maintain that peace. Learning to live peacefully has been a process that I practice every day. If I do get caught up in the drama of my own or someone else’s experiences and lose my sense of inner peace, I re-connect with Spirit and practice these 6 Tips to Live in Peace.
6 TIPS TO LIVE IN PEACE
- Show up: Develop a daily spiritual practice of prayer and meditation, yoga, nature.
- Ask for what you want – expect an answer and be clear about what you want. Visualize and believe.
- Be grateful – An attitude of gratitude is the key to make things manifest and to live passionately.
- Forgive yourself and others –Holding onto anger and resentment blocks the energy flow.
- Have faith – that your life has meaning and purpose and you can live peacefully.
- Let go of control – trust the process and surrender to “what is.” You are exactly where you need to be.
MY NAME IS PAT & I AM A “RECOVERING RUSHAHOLIC” 6 Tips to Live in Peace
My name is Pat and I am a “Recovering Rushaholic.” My addiction was to rushing, staying busy, producing, and achieving. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this? Raise your hands! You know who you are.
The first step in recovering from any addiction is to admit there is a problem. Rushing and staying busy had become a way of life for me. I was the queen of multi-tasking. Picture this scene many years ago in my kitchen-talking on the phone, stirring the scrambled eggs in the frying pan and nursing my infant son. Now, that’s insanity. But that is what I did and I’m not proud of it.
I now know why I rushed and stayed busy. Rushing and staying busy medicated my feelings. I didn’t want to go within and feel the pain inside. I didn’t want to feel my feelings of inadequacy, self-hatred, fear, guilt and not being good enough that plagued me all of my life.
When I stayed busy, produced and achieved, I felt good about myself. I looked outside for validation; therefore my self esteem depended on others. If you liked me, I felt good about myself, but if you didn’t like me, I didn’t feel good about myself. My insides didn’t match my outside. I looked successful on the outside, but inside was a different story. In high school, it wasn’t enough to be a cheerleader, I had to be the captain of the cheerleader s and the president of the sorority I joined. I often beat up on myself and compared myself to others and felt less than – that I wasn’t doing enough. Sound familiar?
What an exhausting and stressful existence to always have to rush, achieve and produce. There is no peace of mind and living in the moment. I needed to change and do something different if I wanted peace in my life. I had to slow down, ask for help and take action. I now have a morning ritual. When I get out of bed, I immediately get on my knees and pray the serenity prayer and repeat my intention for the day. My intention is to be peaceful, love and serve. It works.
I became acutely aware of my addiction while working in the hospital where it is very fast paced. You were expected to rush from one patient to the next and often without even taking a bathroom break. I started consciously walking slower rather than racing down the hall. I repeated my affirmation “my intention is to be peaceful” in my head. An amazing thing happened. I felt more peaceful and heard comments from patients and co-workers such as “ I know Pat is coming down the hall before I even see her because of her meditative and peaceful walk.”
Do I still get tempted to rush, stay busy and achieve? I sure do. Old habits don’t die easily, but when I become aware of these behaviors, I stop, go within and see what’s going on. Here are my 6 Tips to Live in Peace.
6 TIPS TO LIVE IN PEACE
SHOW UP – Develop a daily spiritual practice of prayer and meditation. Set an intention for the day.
ASK FOR WHATYOU WANT and expect an answer. Be clear about what you want. Visualize and believe.
BE GRATEFUL – An attitude of Gratitude is the key to make things manifest quickly. Focus on what you have, rather than what’s missing.
FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS – Holding onto resentment and anger blocks the energy flow and prevents or slows down your ability to manifest your dreams.
HAVE FAITH – Your prayers are being answered. Faith is believing what you cannot see. Change your thinking.
LET GO OF CONTROL –Trust the process and surrender to “what is.” You are exactly where you need to be and in perfect and divine order.
TRUST AND DON’T GIVE UP BEFORE THE MIRACLE
As I sat down to write my monthly message for the newsletter, the word TRUST screamed out to me. I saw in my mind’s eyes TRUST TRUST TRUST written across the sky. It seems like many of us are being called to trust at a very deep level. At least I know I am. What does it mean to trust? For me, it means trusting that regardless of how things may look like on the outside, that I am safe and in God’s care. It means trusting in a power greater than myself and believing that there is higher plan for my life which is good. I may not know what’s ahead, and that can make it difficult to let go and surrender control of how I think my life should look.
Are you doing the best you can? Are you showing up for life ready to share your gifts and talents? Maybe things are still not going the way you want them to go. It may be a marriage that isn’t working, lack of finances, a job that you hate, grieving the loss of a loved one or being unemployed. It is only in these difficult times of darkness and not knowing what’s going on that we learn to trust and our faith muscles grow stronger. We do not grow on the mountaintop. Mountain top experiences come from being in the darkness and not giving up.
We often give up right before the miracle because of fear. We say we trust but when the s…. hits the fan we often go into fear mode, and it can happen almost automatically without consciously realizing it. Fear can cripple you and make you want to give up and run away. It is in precisely these times that you are given the opportunity to trust in a loving God for your strength and sustenance. You learn that God is all there is and God can be trusted.
What I know about God in my heart of hearts, from my own life experience, is that God is faithful and can be trusted. Are you ready to trust God with your life and surrender to the love in your heart? All you need to do is say YES.
Light and Love, Pat
EVIDENCE OF GOD’S LOVE
One day I looked at the dark, clunky, old bureau in my bedroom, and thought about
how nice it would be to have a bureau that fit the space and lifted my
spirits. I imagined a light-yellow, tall, thin bureau and then forgot about it.
Two days later I turned onto the main road by my house, and there was a
tall, thin, light-yellow bureau, sitting in front of a tiny building with an
“Estate Sale” sign on it! I was so shocked I drove right by, half thinking
I’d imagined it. I had to turn around and go back. I told the owner of the
shop my story and decided that, even though I couldn’t afford it, I was
going to buy it. “You probably think I’m foolish for wanting a child-like bureau instead of an antique.” He said “you should do what makes you happy and I will even deliver it for you.”
After arranging it in its new home, we agreed that it was the perfect size
and shape and color for the room. He asked me “what are you going to do with
the old one?” I told him “you can have it if you want it. It had been passed
down to my daughter’s ex-husband from his parents.” He looked it over, smiled and said ”this is over a hundred years old. I would be glad to sell it for you and give you the balance, after deducting the cost of your new purchase.” Of course I said YES. After he sold my bureau, I received a check from him for $35 dollars. What a deal!
I look at my sweet little bureau and smile. I feel that God loves and supports me. I am in awe of the mysterious connection between imagination and manifestation.
I made a sign and put it in the top drawer to remind me. It says, Evidence.
Bonnie Alexander
HEARING THE SMALL STILL VOICE WITHIN
That voice may be referred to as God, Intuition, Spirit, Higher Self, Soul, Higher Power or Universe. People often ask me, “How do you know it’s God giving you messages and not just your own voice?” The answer is: “I don’t always know. It’s only afterwards when people tell me it was exactly what they needed to hear.”
Sometimes it’s scary, my heart pounds and I want to walk the other way when I receive a message for someone. I could be totally off base. I need to let go of my ego and not worry about what others will think of me. I’ve learned to let go of the outcome.
It’s about trusting God has a Divine Assignment if I’m willing to listen and follow through when I receive a message for someone. It often seems like it comes out of nowhere and just pops into my head. I feel a quickening in my spirit and then I listen and am still.
Listening and following through are key elements. Usually, when I don’t want to do it, it’s a signal that it’s from Spirit. Sometimes I know what I’m going to say and other times, I have no idea and the message comes when I open my mouth. I trust it will come and it always does.
I usually don’t question anymore when I hear the small still voice of God within. It may not make sense to me, but I do it anyway and then watch the miracles unfold. The following story is one of them.
Mary lived a few blocks away, but I had never just walked to her house to say hello. While taking my walk this one day, I felt a strong pull from Spirit to go to her house. I had no idea why I was being led there, but found myself taking a right turn into her neighborhood. I felt disappointed when I arrived because her car wasn’t there. Did I not hear you right God? I thought you were leading me.
When I arrived home, I called Mary and left a message that I had visited her. Is there a message you want me to give her God? And the words came. ”Believe in yourself, your gifts and trust your journey.” I hung up not knowing if the words meant anything to her. I didn’t hear from Mary for several days and quickly placed it out of my mind.
Mary called when she returned home, all excited. “Pat, you are not going to believe it. I really needed to hear your message the day you called. The timing was divine. You had no idea that I was away for a few days at a “Journey” workshop.
During the workshop, the leader suggested I take a break and go outside for a walk because of my feelings of frustration with the process. Others in the group seemed to be getting it, but nothing seemed to be happening with me.
I listened to my telephone messages when I returned to the group. And there you were with your anointed words from God. I screamed and immediately gave the phone to my friend to listen too. After that, everything shifted for me. I felt God’s love and presence and knew I was exactly where I needed to be.”
The more you step out in faith, trust and listen to that small still voice within, the more you make yourself available for Divine Assignments.
Ask Spirit to lead you; trust you will be led; and then step out in faith. Start out small and test the waters. Your words could transform and change another’s life dramatically. Like the time I was led to give a message of God’s love to a woman who was about to commit suicide. God’s words saved her life.
It’s a joy to know I’m making a difference in someone’s life and helping them on their journey to healing and wholeness. It really is fun. Try it you might like it! You can do the same because you have the same Power within you.
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FIND YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF, BE YOURSELF
Do you wish your relationships were more fulfilling?
- Do you find yourself resenting all you do for others?
Do you want to learn how to be more authentic so you can enjoy life and feel a powerful sense of well being?
To be authentic means to be real. You know when someone is real when you are in their presence.
Can you remember being drawn to someone because they seem so real? They aren’t afraid of living and speaking their truth. They allow you to see their weaknesses as well as their strengths. They don’t pretend to be something they are not. We are drawn to people who are authentic because we can trust them and we feel better about ourselves because of their openness and honesty.
We all strive to be our authentic selves. It’s a life long journey and it takes courage to be your authentic self. Taking off your mask and being yourself no matter what others think of you is an important step in becoming authentic.
Finding myself and what I wanted has been a journey. Learning to love, trust and value myself has brought me to places I never imagined. I went back to college at age 40, asked my husband for a divorce at ago 50, wrote my book, Simply a Woman of Faith at age 60 and left my full time job as an Alcohol and Drug therapist of 20 years to step out in faith and start my own business as an author, inspirational speaker, spiritual coach and radio talk show host.
Being the oldest in my family, I took on the role of being overly responsible and a people pleaser. I had no idea of who I was or what I felt. As I took the inward journey through therapy, prayer and meditation, I uncovered layers of low self esteem, unworthiness, inadequacy, fear and not feeling good enough.
Many women lose themselves in their various roles and have no idea who they are or what they want. They are someone’s wife, mother, friend, daughter or employee, but don’t have their own identity. They often give their power away by focusing on what others want at the expense of themselves. They can feel resentful because their needs aren’t met. They are not in touch with their feelings because they have medicated them through eating, alcohol, drugs, workaholism, staying busy, rushing, shopping and approval addiction.
Shore up your courage and slow down. It’s time to go within to find yourself and explore what‘s important—what makes you happy and fulfilled. It can feel scary at first: you don’t know what you’ll find or what will be asked of you. You may choose to take a stand and leave an unhealthy relationship or job that is no longer working and hindering your progress. When you take a risk and follow your heart, you live your authentic life with unlimited potential and possibilities.
Developing my Spirituality and finding a Power greater than myself to heal and transform me was crucial to becoming authentic. Spirituality means “connectedness.” I connect with myself, with a Power greater than myself and I connect with others. I needed to learn to trust that Power (whom I call God, but you may call nature, love, source, universe, goddess or something else) before I could trust myself and others with my true self. I needed to know that I was loved unconditionally and I didn’t have to do anything to earn that love. I was loved just because of who I was.
Prayer helped me feel safe enough to take off the mask and be myself. Facing and moving through my fear is a constant in my life. Whenever we are called to a higher level of consciousness and living our potential, our fears rise to the surface. We must do vengeance with our fears to live the authentic life. Fear is the thief of dreams.
I invite you to find a spiritual practice to “plug in” to this higher consciousness daily. It will help you feel loved and connected to Spirit and the core of who you are. It will help you joyfully discover your authentic self.
Ten Tips to Becoming Your Authentic Self
- Show up everyday for yourself, for Spirit, and the world by sharing your gifts and talents for the good of all. Embrace that you are a child of God, one with Spirit and are loved unconditionally.
- Stay focused on what you want to create in your life by staying in the moment , letting go of the past and concerns for the future.
- Speak up, say no and set a boundary, when necessary.
- Stay grateful and focus on what’s working, rather than what’s missing in your life.
- Ask for what you want and believe that you have already received it.
- Believe in yourself, love yourself, trust yourself, cherish yourself and forgive yourself.
- Face your fears and take a risk to follow your heart’s desires and intuition.
- Have courage and be honest about what you feel and think.
- Step into your greatness and magnificence knowing you are worthy of abundance and prosperity.
- Surrender: let go of control and the outcome.
SLOWLINESS IS GODLINESS
Are you a Rushaholic? Do you race around, multi-task and feel exhausted at the end of the day-and maybe even a little resentful?
Rushing was my addiction and a way of life for many years. On the outside, I looked peaceful, but there was an “inner rushing” that was pervasive and intense. I never rested or went within for my answers. I believed others had the answers for my life. I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. I felt energized and powerful when I rushed. It gave me the illusion that I was in control.
Just like the alcoholic who uses alcohol to medicate painful feelings, I used rushing to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. I never felt good enough and didn’t know how to relax and just BE. Doing is what made me feel strong and bolstered my self esteem-what little I had. It almost killed me because I was disconnected from myself, God and the people I loved.
I read that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when you rush all the time, you disconnect from yourself and from the divine energy of God within. When you rush, you’re not respecting yourself or the God within. “Coping with speed has become the heroic journey that consumes the lifetime of the common man and woman. It is our greatest killer. Rushing puts you into adrenaline overload and drenches the body in epinephrine, a hormone stimulated by stress, anger or fear.” (Seven Whispers, Baldwin 2002.)
With any addiction, you need to stay vigilant. The old behaviors of rushing and staying busy often show up when you’re stressed, feel afraid or are triggered by something outside of yourself. It may be unfinished business from your childhood that needs to be healed and dealt with. The first step is to recognize the old behaviors and admit to yourself and God what’s going on. It is important not to beat up on yourself. What you need to do is to love and be compassionate with yourself. The second step is to ask for God’s help.
God often speaks to me through symbols; one of them being the turtle. I have them all over my house as a reminder of what is important in my life and what I need to do to maintain peace and Godliness. Turtles teach me about patience – which I wanted yesterday!
Slow and steady, the turtle knows when to move and when to stay still and rest. Turtles go within for their answers because they know the truth is within. As the turtle knows when to go in, I’m learning to go inside and trust myself, my intuition and my gut.
When you go inside, ask yourelf “What am I feeling and thinking?” You may need to change your stinking thinking. It’s so easy to take things personally or jump to conclusions and be negative. When you stick your head out, like the turtle, ask yourelf, “What action do I need to take?” It may be that you need to speak up, set a boundary, say “no,” forgive someone or let go of a resentment.
If you want peace and Godliness in your life, you must be willing to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. You must be awake and practice slowing down, relaxing and living in the moment. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here yet. Make a commitment to yourself and God to connect/plug into the Power on a daily basis and ask for help and healing. I guarantee it will change your life and you are worth it. It’s your choice. Each morning, I get on my knees and ask for help. My intention is to love, be peaceful and to serve.
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