All hell broke loose & I was in the depth of fear

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May
20

“Every positive change, every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness invites a rite of passage. Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.” Dan Millman

What a week of ups and downs, letting go and trusting God for my highest good and that of my loved ones.  I wrote last week that my soul mate had arrived and how wonderful it was to have this man in my life. I was flying high and didn’t expect to plunge into the depth of fear that I did because the honeymoon appeared to be over.

Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation.

Larry has had a medical problem for the last 2 years that the doctors have been unable to diagnose. It comes and goes and has responded some to different treatments. This past week, all hell broke loose and his symptoms were severe and worse than ever before.  It was very scary watching him suffer and not knowing what to do or what it was from.

I was desperate and called my friend, Carole, in RI and asked her to put Larry on the prayer line. When she called the next person on the prayer line and described Larry’s symptoms, the person was familiar with the symptoms and told Carole what she thought it might be.  Carole gave me the information and we googled it. Sure enough, it was almost exactly Larry’s symptoms that the doctors hadn’t been able to diagnose for 2 years. Talk about a prayer being answered immediately.  Thank you God.

Larry is now in the process of many positive changes and we are trusting God for healing.  People have “showed up” in his life to help him with his diet, essential oils and herbs.  Another friend, Mary, who is a healer, did a long distance energy healing with him on the phone. It has been just one week since his symptoms were so severe. I am happy to report that he is 75% better.   

We each have our journey of faith to walk, hand- picked by God to help us grow stronger and more dependent on God.  I am not exempt from this, for sure. I asked myself, “How does my faith grow and deepen?”  I suspect for many of us, it is the trials, challenges that we face each day that deepens our faith.

It is my belief that I attract EVERYTHING into my life for my highest good and that even before I came into this world, God and I made an agreement what I would experience for my soul to grow. This gives me comfort and a willingness to trust God that all is well.

Not only has Larry experienced healing and transformation, but I have too.  I have always been strong and been the one that others come to for help. I didn’t feel strong and asked for help. I allowed my friends to be there for me while I was in the depth of my fear. This is not an easy thing to do, allowing myself to be so vulnerable and real.  I called my friend, Joseph, in tears because I was so scared. He listened and loved me just as I was. My friend, Sandy, came over my house and when I opened the door, I almost fell into her arms with tears.  She hugged me and then sat and held my hand as I allowed myself to feel my feelings. I wanted to be STRONG for Larry and didn’t want to share my fears with him, but I couldn’t help myself when I saw him and fell into his arms and cried.

I knew my fear was coming from a very deep place as I couldn’t stop crying. I had a flashback of my mother dying in front of me when I was 20 years old. I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless as I was unable to save her. I then realized that the fear I was feeling about Larry was fear that I was going to lose him when I just found him.

Now that this is behind me, I feel so blessed and grateful for this experience. I allowed myself to be loved in a very deep, sacred way and I allowed others to love me and SEE the real me. This is a gift to all of us.

On Sunday, I had a celebration and invited my friends to a house blessing at my new home. It was a glorious night and I felt like a “Sparkling Queen” as each person shared their wishes and love for me and my new home.  Larry bought me a beautiful lei to celebrate and my friends, Myia and Garrett, made me a lei from their Plumeria tree. I felt so loved and cherished and I thank all my friends for making it so special.

I look forward to a peaceful, exciting, and adventurous week with God. I am grateful this “RIGHT OF PASSAGE” is over.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
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