Have you ever noticed that when you are learning a new behaviorlike speaking up, saying no, learning a new skill, or learning how to dance, you can’t get enough of it and you want to do it all the time? What often happens is that the pendulum swings to one side and it goes out of balance. It takes time to come back into balance, to live in the present moment where there is peace and joy.
Not only does the pendulum swing out of balance, but old behaviors may rear their ugly head. No worries, this is normal. When you have a daily spiritual practice and are connected to Spirit and your higher self, you notice this doesn’t feel good and you need to change. Too much of a good thing is not healthy and it could drive you and your friends and family crazy.
Being in love and in a new relationship is wonderful and life-changing, but it doesn’t exempt me from going out of balance and losing my peace. And it doesn’t take long! Have you ever prayed for something and then when you get it, you feel afraid? God must laugh at us human beings. I am grateful that I can laugh at myself and am learning to take myself lightly. I have learned to feel my feelings and instead of denying or pushing them down, I share them so I can work through them. I am also willing and open to look at my “stinking thinking” and change my thinking when necessary. It is so easy to take things personally, future trip, or jump to conclusions and be negative.
Although I don’t like it, being in a new relationship brings up my STUFF; like fear, insecurity and control. How silly of me to think I was done with my STUFF because I don’t think we are ever done with our STUFF. I may say I don’t like it when my STUFF comes up, but I really do because it is a gift and opportunity to allow God’s grace and healing to occur. It is also an opportunity to focus on loving myself.
For much of my life I focused on others and put myself last. I thought I knew what was best for others and what they should do, but I didn’t have a clue or know what I wanted. Wasn’t that what we were taught to do? I thought if I loved you enough, you would love me back. I realize now that this is backwards because I need to love myself first before I can truly love another. I thought focusing on myself and my needs were selfish and felt guilty if I did put my needs first. I know today that it is self-caring and what God wants me to do. If I’m not loving myself, I cannot truly love others. What a gift to know this and teach others how to do it.
“I am totally and completely supported by the Universe.” I love how the Universe speaks to me and gets my attention. I knew “something” didn’t feel right inside of me, but I wasn’t clear what it was and what I needed to change until I had the dream.
God always speaks to me through my dreams. I know I dream every night, but I don’t always remember them unless God wants to get my attention and guide me through the dream. I have had a recurring dream for many years and hadn’t had the dream in a long time. When you have a recurring dream, it is almost always a lesson that needs to be learned or re-learned again.
In my dream, I was “rushing” to catch a plane because I thought I was going to be late. When I work with my dreams, I ask a lot of questions to help me get what the message is. The message was clear: I needed to RELAX, trust the process and know that all was well.
There is a chapter in my book called, “Slowliness is Godliness” and it is about rushing. Here is what I wrote:
“I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. Rushing was my addiction and I never took my time with anything. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. It gave me energy when I rushed. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. Just like the alcoholic who uses alcohol to medicate painful feelings, I used rushing to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. I never felt good enough and didn’t know how to relax. A friend told me that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within.
Rushing became a way of life for me. Although on the outside, I may have looked peaceful, there was an “inner rushing” that was pervasive and intense. If I wanted peace in my life, I had to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. I had to slow down, be conscious and learn to live in the moment. I asked God for the grace to slow down and relax.”
Thank you God for showing me the truth in what I need to change. I am back in balance, still in love, trusting God, loving myself, feeling my feelings and surrendering to “what is” showing up in my life, knowing it is all good and for my highest good.
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