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My anger was hidden inside of me

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Jan
13

I am sure some of you have heard that “We make plans and God laughs.” My dear friend, Donna, came to visit us from the mainland a couple of days ago. It was her first time visiting Maui and, of course, she was ready to explore the island the minute her feet touched the ground. After a harrowing 27 hour flight with some unexpected detours because of the planes engine problems, she was exhausted when she arrived at our home at midnight.

One of the first things she said to me after we happily greeted one another was, “I have some releasing to do and I really want to connect with God.” Within a short time of being here, Donna became ill with a sore throat and cough. It didn’t help that she had jet lag and didn’t sleep the night before. Of course, this is the last thing she wanted to be home bound and not feeling well. She said, “I hardly ever get sick and I don’t understand why.” This was not her plan, but was it God’s plan? Often God wants to get our attention and will use everything to do that.

It is my belief that we attract everything into our lives for our highest good and that our souls know what we need to heal in body, mind and spirit. As I prayed for Donna, I sensed Spirit was doing a powerful work in her and giving her the space and time to release what needed to be released and to connect with her God, which was her intention.

This brought to mind what happened to me about 25 years ago when I went to Bermuda by myself for the first time. It was a very difficult time in my life as I worked through sexual abuse issues. I was exhausted and needed to heal in the warm sunshine. When I got off the plane, I was expecting beautiful, sunny weather. Instead, the sky opened up and the rain poured down in buckets on me. I was optimistic and thought it was just a passing shower. I didn’t think God would have allowed me to come to Bermuda and stay at Angel’s Grotto for it to rain.

I kept the faith for a few days and trusted the rain would stop eventually. It finally did on the 3rd or 4th day and I rented a moped to drive around the island. I was so excited that the sunshine finally came out that I decided to take a trip to St. George which was on the other side of the island. I was in my glory as I sat in the diner for lunch and talked to the locals.

As I put my helmet on and got ready to leave, I looked up and noticed the sky getting blacker and blacker. I knew I was in trouble as I had no rain gear and I was at least 1 hour away. I didn’t know anybody in Bermuda and had to get on my moped and ride back to Angel’s Grotto. Here is an excerpt from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”

“Within minutes, the sky opened up and the rain poured down. I could hardly see as the hail and ice balls hit my face. As each car sped by, water splashed my feet, legs, arms and even my head. Between my tears and the pouring rain, I could hardly see in front of me. I held on for dear life. I had to keep going no matter what. My body trembled with fear and I felt my heart pound inside my chest. I cried out, “God help, my life is in danger and I’m scared to death.”

When I finally reached the shelter a short distance ahead of me, I turned off my moped, threw it on the ground and screamed at God at the top of my lungs. F U God. I felt the anger rise up from a place deep within me. I didn’t get angry at God EVER. I sat on the ground and cried uncontrollably for a long time. All my life I held in my anger and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Although totally exhausted and spent, I knew deep down that something had shifted inside of me. I got in touch with a well of deep unresolved anger from my childhood sexual abuse. I didn’t know how much anger was inside of me until my moped incident.

I think God, in his ultimate wisdom, allowed this to happen so I could begin to release my anger that I buried for years. Spirit knew it would take a lot for me to get angry – alone in Bermuda on a moped during a hail storm. Clearly, the release was more important to my well being than having beautiful weather. God had thrown His thunderbolts and created the perfect circumstances to heal and free me. I thought I was going to Bermuda to rest and relax in the sunshine. God had other plans, better plans. He knew exactly what I needed.”

And after the moped incident, the sun came out and the rest of the trip was perfect. We make plans and God laughs.

Larry

One of the areas in my life that I am beginning to address is my patience level or perhaps I should say my “impatience” level.  I struggle with impatience all the time.  I am learning a wonderful way to address my impatience.  Eckhart Tolle suggests that when we become impatient it’s because we don’t want to be where we are. We want to be somewhere else doing something different or what we consider the next best thing.  

The secret to dealing with my impatience is for me to “live in the moment and to live in the NOW.”  I have been practicing this for a few months and I’m beginning to really have some incredible moments when I can do this.  This practice has had a profound effect on my impatience.  Whenever I find I’m becoming impatient (like at red lights or in lines at stores or waiting for someone), I just remind myself to be aware of the very moment I am experiencing.  I bring my attention to the fact that I have absolutely everything I need in the present moment and have no reason to become impatient or want to be somewhere else.


The other day I went to the state tax department to pay my taxes. They had two windows open with about a dozen people in the line.  The line was moving very slowly and I could feel the tension growing as people were becoming impatient.  One person was having a difficult time understanding what the clerk was trying to explain to her and was becoming very frustrated and anxious.  I was able to not get caught up in the negative energy.  I chose to stay in the present moment in peace and clarity. I had the presence of mind to ask love energy to be present in the environment. I believe it helped to prevent things from escalating, I know it helped me to stay patient.


I think I figured something out about traffic lights.  I think there are  “red light days and green light days.”  When I’m having a red light day, I get almost all the red traffic lights.  There was a time when I would become impatient about all the red lights, but now I consider the red lights as opportunities to stay in the moment and  send love energy to those around me. I realize that I also have green light days when I get mostly all green lights and those give me opportunities to just keep cruising along.


Thanks for reading our shoring’s we hope somehow by sharing our journey we help others walk theirs.

How I lose my peace

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Jan
5

For the past several years, it has been my daily intention to be peaceful, to love and to serve. For the most part my life is peaceful, especially when I use these 2 affirmations: “Everything is flowing with peace, ease and grace. Everything I need is streaming towards me, I open my hands and receive.” I have seen the results of these affirmation and am often amazed at how easily my life flows when I practice these affirmations.

I am very aware when I lose my peace and I go within to see what’s going on. It can be when a family member or close friend is struggling and suffering and there is nothing I can do to alleviate their pain. Sometimes all I can do is pray and send love, which is really the best thing I can do for someone. I have learned that worrying is an illusion and doesn’t help anyone involved. I often have to make a CHOICE and say to myself “I will not let anyone or anything rob me of my peace.” Peace is that important to me.

The ego is waiting at every turn and wants to rob us of our peace, especially when things are going well in our lives and we are growing in consciousness. It wants us to believe that we are separate from God and one another which produces feelings of guilt.

Sometimes I recognize ego thought patterns immediately. One of the ways ego shows up is through comparing myself to others. It usually has something to do with the false belief that I don’t have enough or I’m not doing enough. I had an experience this week with ego that was kind of subtle. My friends recommended an energy healer that they raved about because he was the “real deal” so Larry and I decided to try a session.

Although the session was relaxing, I didn’t feel a shift or feel any differently in my body. I started to think there must be something wrong with me or I wasn’t open enough and quickly lost my peace. I realized this was another ploy of the ego encouraging me to compare my experience with my friend, beat up on myself and think I was wrong. It could have also gone the other way. I could have thought that the reason I didn’t have a wow experience with the healer was because I was more advanced and spiritual and didn’t need it. My ego wants me to believe I am better than or less than another.

The good news is that I am becoming more aware of when my ego shows up. The key is to recognize when ego is acting out and when we do the ego loses its power over us.

This is some of the ways I lose my peace:

I feel jealous, afraid or angry

I compare myself to others

I blame others for my problems and feel like a victim

I need to be right and have the last word

I need to be perfect, look good and be the best

I want to intimidate others and have to have the last word in a conversation

I am defensive

I am judgmental toward myself and others

I feel less than or better than or I don’t feel good enough

I want to control, manipulate and fix others

I feel unworthy and not deserving

I feel responsible for others’ happiness and well-being

I am unable to forgive and hold resentments and grudges

I feel stupid, guilty or shameful

I am addicted to a substance or a process like work, busyness, shopping, gambling or perfectionism

I take things personally and think everything revolves around me

I am overly sensitive and feelings get hurt easily

I want to be somewhere else rather than where I am

I worry and obsess and can’t shut off my mind

It is up to us to keep ourselves peaceful, to focus on ourselves and give ourselves the love we need. The more we love ourselves, the more we can love others. How do you lose your peace and do you recognize when ego is trying to rob you of your peace?

Larry

This time of year we give and receive many wishes for a “Happy New Year”  and of course most everyone would be happy with a year filled with prosperity, health and happiness.  As I thought about it I realized that this new year will most probably be like other years, filled with challenges and successes and there will be a mixture of joy and sadness.  What’s important is how I respond to the life experiences that come my way.

I am learning that how I choose to respond to an experience will determine whether it will be a happy or a sad one. I can elevate or diminish my experience by my attitude towards it.  I don’t like pain or suffering any more than the next person and certainly don’t wish it in my life.  

One of the gifts I received last year was becoming conscious that “accepting” what’s happening each moment of each day is a choice I have.  When I’m having difficulties or health problems I can either reject them and see them as a bad thing or I can learn to accept them and not fight them.  I am learning in such situations to remain optimistic, stay open to the possibilities and see the glass half full rather than half empty.

My most recent opportunity has been my health. Since the day after Thanksgiving my health has been compromised causing my energy and strength levels to become very low.  I have tried most natural remedies and eventually went to my doctor. I seem to be on the mend now, but still have a way to go.  It has been difficult for the last four or five weeks to accept sleepless nights, breathing difficulty and terrible coughing bouts.  For the most part, I have been able to accept what’s happening without going into the poor me, poor me attitude. I have accepted my situation, done what I could to deal with it and let it be.  

I am very fortunate to have Pat at my side, she is the epitome of optimism.  When I start to lose my optimism, she reminds me of the progress I have made and to continue to accept that I am getting better. When I accept, I keep myself open to the healing energy of love and don’t allow negative energy to develop.  Pat is the real thing; she talks the talk and walks the walk. I see and experience her love energy, her dedication to living her truth, her openness to becoming more conscious and the many people who contact her so often for direction and guidance.

My prayer in this new year is that you join me in learning that we can choose to make this a happy, peaceful and prosperous year by learning to accept whatever comes and staying open to the healing energy of love.

Larry proposed to me

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Dec
20

When Larry and I started dating almost 3 years ago, he made it very clear to me that he didn’t want to get married again. Although marriage was the desire of my heart, I accepted it and trusted God. This past year, we discussed the pros and cons of getting married and Larry was still very strong in not wanting to get married. He said, “We have such a great relationship now and I am totally committed to you. I don’t know why we need to get married.”

When I prayed about it, Spirit assured me that the desire of my heart to be married would be fulfilled. Holy Spirit said, “Trust in my timing and relax. I am working in Larry’s heart. This is my plan for you and nothing can stop it. You don’t have to do anything but continue to love and BE. Everything is unfolding according to my divine plan.” All I needed to do was be patient, let go, wait, keep my mouth shut and trust Spirit. With the grace of God, I kept my mouth shut (which was not an easy task) and Spirit changed Larry’s heart about getting married.

Most people who know me will tell you that it is not easy to surprise me. I am very intuitive and like to know everything. It’s almost like I can smell something happening and I want to know what it is.

A few days ago I journaled the message from the Holy Spirit and He said, “Prepare yourself for new things coming into your life and you will be surprised.” I had no idea what that meant or if it even was the voice of the Holy Spirit. My attitude was we’ll see.

I wasn’t PREPARED but two days after receiving the message, my life was about to change in a big way. Here is what happened:

I invited my girlfriends over for our annual Christmas get-together dinner. My friend, Kati, gifted me with a beautiful gold queen’s crown. My favorite cup that I drink from every morning says, “I AM THE QUEEN.” A queen leads and loves from her heart. She is able to receive love and knows what she wants. She is not afraid to share her feelings or set her boundaries. She trusts all is in divine order.

Larry was in the den watching TV and the girls wanted to say hello and show him my new crown, so we all pranced in and I put the crown on my head and then put it on Larry’s head and said, “You are my king.” It was quite funny and we all had a good laugh.

We left the den to continue our festivities. Five minutes later, Larry came into the living room and stood in front of me and said, “Please come over here and sit down.” I jokingly remarked, “He’s going to ask me to marry him – yeah right!

He stood before me and said, “You are my queen and I am your king, would you like to make it permanent and legal?” He then got on his one knee and presented me with a beautiful diamond ring that he pulled out of his pocket. I was in total shock and could hardly talk as my jaw dropped to the ground for a long time. I was in such a daze that I had to ask him, “Are you really asking me to marry you?” Of course, my girlfriends were going crazy as they witnessed this beautiful gift of our love in action.

Larry shared with me after the women left that Spirit had put it on his heart that he was to marry me while we were on the cruise in October. It still didn’t make sense to him, but he knew it was Spirit and he was following his heart and not his head. He had been planning to ask me to marry him since then and I had no idea of it. He wasn’t sure when he was going to propose to me and give me the ring. He asked Spirit to lead him and when Kati gave me the crown, he knew it was his sign to propose with my girlfriends present.

Oh what a night. My heart is full of joy and gratitude. God is faithful and had placed the desires of my heart in my heart many years ago. I had to wait and be patient for the greatest love story to unfold. It was worth the wait. The best Christmas present ever. And I know the best is yet to come!!!!!

Spirit spoke to me while writing my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” in 2007: “I want you to stop wishing, planning and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. I will surprise you with a love that is far more wonderful than you could ever dream of.”

Larry

Pat shared with you that I was happy to begin a committed relationship with her three years ago, but I was not interested in getting married.  I didn’t need to marry to show her that I was committed to our relationship and couldn’t see why it was necessary.  I’ve been fine with that for almost three years.  

After our amazing experience on the Hawaiian Island cruise in October, I started to consider the idea of getting married again.  I knew that it was the desire of Pat’s heart, although she has never done anything to try to get me to change my mind or push the matter. 

 I think marriage can instill a false sense of security in a relationship.  I’ve seen so many examples of couples who have had great relationships for years and then get married and the relationship goes south and they split up.  

Although I still really couldn’t see the need or how it would change what we have or make it better, I am following my heart. After much consideration and prayer, I came to the conclusion that our marriage is in God’s plan and for our highest good.  I guess that’s a pretty good reason to getting married. Plus, the fact that our relationship is over the top and so beneficial the to both of us. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.

I think our friend Kat expresses this very well, she offers:

Marriage is the most hopeful expression of love that two people engage in.  People come to marriage believing that forever open hearted and committed love is possible.  For most of us at this life juncture, we have professed that hope once or twice or even more times!  Rather than looking at those other professions as failures, I look at them with amazement and wonder.  All of our marriages have helped navigate us to the place that we are.  The amazement and wonder come with the “knowing” that love and commitment for another are a possibility that we recognize and choose to enter into, even if other relationships did run their course.   One of the most incredible things about this life experience is that we hold onto the belief that love is for real and we have an unlimited supply of it!

When we enter into marriage, to me, it is a different and deeper level of expression of love for one another.  We make a public declaration to our loved one and to others that we are truly committed to giving this our very best.  We declare we do not have an exit strategy.  We commit to giving of ourselves and to receiving fully from our partner.  I respect that for some, partnering without marriage makes sense and that that love is real and can be enduring.  I just feel from my heart, that saying to someone, friends, Spirit, family that this is a commitment of my heart and soul the greatest gift of love, faith, trust and optimism we can bequeath to another.”  Thanks Kat!

Thanks for reading our sharing as we offer it with love, hoping that it will bring you joy and inspiration. 

 

I criticized and beat up on myself

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Dec
15

There was a time in my life that I believed my ego voice and the stories it told me. It was usually negative self-talk and I would ask myself (if someone withdrew or acted strange or was irritated with me), “What did I say or do wrong?” It always resulted in thoughts of separation, blame and guilt. I never knew if the story in my head was true or if I was imagining something. Talk about losing my peace and giving my power away. I know today that their behavior usually has nothing to do with me. It was usually about what they were going through and often a call for love. Can you relate?

Are you able to distinguish when it is the ego voice in your head or it is the voice of the Holy Spirit? I am learning, practicing and finding that the more I LISTEN and trust the voice of the Holy Spirit, the more peaceful I am. When I STOP and ask for help or direction, I am guided in ways that are for my highest good and for the highest good of all.

I have 2 experiences that I would like to share with you and how I “checked things out.” One of them was about 25 years ago when I was an alcohol and drug therapist. The other one is a recent experience with one of my children.

I was invited to speak at a local college about the effects of alcohol and drugs on families with one of my peers. Ray had been speaking at the college for years and this was my first time. He praised me at the end of the talk and it appeared to have went well. Until the next day when I started to beat up on myself and criticize what I had said. It was usually that I spoke too much or too little. I felt terrible. The story I told myself was, “Ray probably wished that he hadn’t invited me to speak.”

Instead of “stewing” and obsessing about it, I decided to be courageous and vulnerable and share with Ray what I was thinking and feeling. I really needed to check it out to see if this was a story that I imagined or was there truth to it. Ray was quite surprised and taken aback when I asked him for feedback and told him my struggle. He said, “Pat, you were wonderful and the students loved you. You added so much to it.” What a relief to know the truth.

The other example of “checking things out” was with one of my children. When we hung up the phone I felt some tension about our conversation. It felt like I was prying into their business. We have always had a close and honest relationship so I didn’t know what was going on. I asked myself, “Was I imagining this or was there something going on between the two of us?”

After praying about it, Spirit assured me that it had nothing to do with me. I asked Spirit if it was in my highest good to send an email to share my experience when I got off the phone. Here is the message I received from the Holy Spirit:

You can write if you want to if you think it will make you feel better to “check it out” or you can let it go. You can send love and know that it has nothing to do with you.”

Why would I want to send an email if it has nothing to do with me?

You want to feel at peace when you think about the conversation with your child. There is nothing wrong with “checking it out.” Your ego wants you to believe you have done something wrong and feel guilty. This is not Me.”

Yes, I do feel some guilt and I don’t like not knowing if everything is ok.

This has been an unhealthy pattern that started in childhood when you tried to figure out what was going on in your home. It became your default to blame yourself and to think you must have done something wrong when you felt tension or someone withdrew from you. This is especially true with your family and loved ones. So for your peace of mind, it is good to “check it out.”

With the help of Spirit, I composed an email to “check it out.” I received a beautiful honest, heart-felt email back from my child assuring me that the tension wasn’t my imagination and that it was about something they were experiencing in their personal life. I encourage you to “check things out.”

Larry

I can hardly believe that I have been retired for over fifteen years. I thought that when I retired time would slow down somehow and I’d appreciate it more. Well, I think perhaps I was half right. I do appreciate it more, but it certainly hasn’t slowed down. Retirement has given me the time to grow and become more conscious of who I am and who I want to be.  Here are some of the things I’ve discovered:

1. I don’t want to nor do I feel responsible for another person’s well-being or happiness.

 After experiencing two marriages and a number of relationships in my life, I don’t want the pressure and responsibility of providing well-being for another. There was a time in my life when I thought my attitude was selfish because I believed it was my job to make someone happy. I’ve come to learn that it is not being selfish, but it is truly loving myself.  

Pat and I have a beautiful loving relationship and we understand that we are not responsible for making each other happy and providing for each other. We recognize that we are both adults who love one another and will always be there to love and support each other. We treat each other as individuals and expect that we will provide whatever we need as equals. There is no pressure on either of us to provide that for the other. 

2. In the past, I have felt unworthy of the gift of Love’s energy and light.

I have learned that Love is freely given and has nothing to do with being worthy or good enough.  We are magnates for Love. Love is a gift that is always waiting for us to receive it.  I’ve opened my heart to Love and I’ve never been happier in my life.

3. I’m learning what I want and what I don’t want.

In the past, I would mostly do whatever the other person or persons wanted to do.  Now, I value myself more and allow myself to make decisions depending on what I want or don’t want to do. I do this even at the risk of hurting someone else’s feelings and I don’t feel guilty about it.

4. I know what causes stress in my life and for the most part I don’t allow those situations to materialize.

I worked for thirty years in a very stressful industry and I looked forward to retirement. I live one of the most stress-free lives that I can imagine. I believe that is one reason that I am so happy and at peace with myself.

I am most grateful for Pat in my life who has been so loving and helpful by her living example of accepting the light and energy of Love and encouraging me to experience the GOD experience that is LOVE.

All we have to do is open our hearts to love. to the extent that we can do this, we will become who we were meant to be.  What are you waiting for?


Larry was blown away

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Dec
15

 

It is the season of GIVING. Scripture says, “There is more joy in giving than in receiving.” I love to give small gifts and see the appreciation on people’s faces when they receive a gift that was unexpected. I also enjoy receiving and have learned to not only receive gifts, but more importantly to open my heart to receive love, kindness and support from others. There are many reasons why it’s difficult for people to receive, one of them being that they feel undeserving.

Since moving to Maui 5 years ago, I have encountered many “Maui Angels” who have loved and supported me and invited me into their homes when I had no place to live when I was in between ohanas. Some people I had just met and was so taken aback by their love, generosity and kindness. It is a humbling experience and not always easy to receive from people you don’t know that well, especially when you feel so vulnerable and needy.

I have learned to receive through these many experiences and, consequently, I look for opportunities to GIVE LOVE, especially if I hear someone is in need of temporary housing. This is the opportunity Spirit presented to Larry and I that I would like to share with you.

About 6 months ago, my friend, Kerri, called asking for prayers for her close friend, Cindy, who had been diagnosed with Guillian Barre Syndrome (after the flu a couple of weeks earlier) that left her paralyzed and she couldn’t speak well. Cindy was in the hospital in Oahu in the ICU and Cardiac Unit. Her family was on the mainland and she was all alone. The doctors were not optimistic and said it would take 1-3 years before complete recovery.

I couldn’t imagine what that experience must have been like for Cindy and my heart went out to her. Kerry invited me to a prayer vigil with another friend who knew Cindy. I sent Cindy a card and immediately started to pray for her recovery. I prayed for her daily for months, along with many others from around the world.

I invited Kerry to my home this week to share with friends her experience as a Harmonium practitioner (Body, Mind & Spirit Healing System.) I was thrilled and surprised when Kerry told me that Cindy was recovering and coming with her. Here it was only 6 months since she was diagnosed and she was walking on her own and speaking. It truly was miraculous and the power of prayer in action.

Cindy knew that I had been praying for her and was so grateful when we finally met and hugged one another. I felt like I knew her, although I had never met her-only energetically. We are all connected and ONE.

I sat next to Cindy during Kerry’s presentation and we chatted a little. She said (as her face lit up), “After such a traumatic experience, there are so many gifts from it.” I wanted to get to know her and hear about all that Spirit had done in her life. She said, “While I was alone in the hospital bed, I looked up at the ceiling and asked God to help me RECEIVE. I felt the LOVE POWER coming through the tiles and I knew people were praying for me. It was an incredible experience.”

Cindy said, “I am house-sitting for a few weeks and need a place to live at the end of the month until my ohana (which she sublet while in the hospital) is ready at the beginning of January. I heard the still, small voice of God say, “You could invite her to stay here.” I didn’t say anything to her because I wanted to talk to Larry first. The next morning I shared Cindy’s story with Larry and he said, “Yes, of course she can stay with us.”

I called Kerry to discuss it with her first since I really didn’t know Cindy. She said, “I will be seeing Cindy this afternoon and will discuss the possibility of her staying with you. Kerry called that night and said, “Cindy is so grateful and thrilled that she can stay with you and Larry.” I called Cindy to confirm and here is what she said happened that morning before she spoke to Kerry about staying with us. It appears Spirit was getting her ready as she opened herself to RECEIVE even more good into her life.

Cindy’s experience:

My recent experience with RECEIVING has skyrocketed after a wonderful experience at Pat’s home last night. I felt a calm sense of openness being in the presence of such love-filled inquisitive women. Pat and I had talked about receiving and when I woke up the next morning, I was filled with excitement about expanding my capacity to receive. For a couple of hours, I wrote my thoughts and feelings from sadness to laughter about how I learned to protect myself because of things that happened to me in my childhood. I truly get the importance of letting go of those experiences to allow space to allow more goodness to flow. Once the flow starts, it’s only upwards from there!”

Giving and receiving go hand in hand. When we do one without the other (giving and not receiving or receiving and not giving) there will be an imbalance and we will be out of alignment with Spirit. I see this experience of opening our home and hearts as an opportunity to GIVE and for Cindy it is the opportunity to RECEIVE. A win-win for all of us and I have a feeling we will also RECEIVE a lot.

Larry

I’ve been trying to be conscious of living in the moment and accepting whatever comes along. While trying to do that last week, I had an interesting experience of RECEIVING that I would like to share with you. 

I have mentioned before that I have a ongoing battle with skin cancer.  I had my six month checkup last week with my dermatologist and as usual they discovered some pre-cancerous cells and removed them. Doctor also found some basil cell cancer which he biopsied and removed.  

For about a year I have been using a prescription cream (zyclara) on my face which attacks pre-cancerous cells before they can become actual cancer and it has been very effective. The price of the prescription was $75.00 and it is not covered by my insurance.

The day after my doctors visit I went on line to order my prescription and found that I could no longer purchase it for $75.00. The company had gone out of business and the best price I could find was $1000.00.  

This development left me in an interesting situation and I had a decision to make. Would I continue to use the zyclara at $1000.00 a clip (which I cannot afford do to for the rest of my life because I will soon exhaust my savings and my livelihood will be threatened) or do I stop using the prescription and just depend on my regular visits to my doctor and hope he will be able to find the cancers and handle them with surgery, which my insurance covers.

I said to myself, “Live in the moment and accept, accept, accept.” The next evening around 8:00 pm. I received a call from my doctor informing me that the biopsy was indeed basil cell cancer, but he had removed all of it with the biopsy procedure.  I had the opportunity to tell him about the cost change in the Zyclara.  He is very happy with the results I am having with the medicine and didn’t want me to stop using it.  When I informed him that it was to expensive for me to use, he offered to give me a years supply at no cost to me.

WOW! I was blown away! What a beautiful example of his generosity and caring and an early Christmas present for me.  I am thrilled knowing that I have a doctor that really cares and is willing to go the extra mile for his patients.

I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to learn to “accept” and not resist,  to stay open to the energy of love and trust that miracles can happen. 


I twisted my sacrum – OUCH

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Nov
28

Do you agree that change is inevitable in our journey called life? Change is good, but can really be hard and difficult when we CHOOSE to resist and fight it. When we don’t resist and CHOOSE to surrender to “what is” when something needs to be changed in our lives that isn’t good for us, it can flow with peace, ease and grace. Sometimes we don’t have a choice and sh.. happens.

An important component in the equation is our WILLINGNESS (or readiness) to change, and our openness to ask Spirit for help. When our attitude is positive, it can even be easy breezy. I have experienced both resistance and accepting “what is” and acceptance and surrender feel much better.

I asked myself 2 important questions, (1)Why does it take suffering or a loss of some sort to get my attention whether it be a health issue, an accident, divorce, a death, or a job loss, etc? (2)What makes me WILLING to change after being resistant for so long? I don’t have the answers.

Spirit knows how to get my attention and “awaken” me through physical pain, especially back pain. Can you relate? Just a few days ago, I could hardly walk and when I did I looked like I was 90 years old. I couldn’t get into bed or the car without help and was in a lot of pain when I tried to stand up. Not a pretty picture and it happened in an instant when I stood up. One minute I was absolutely fine and the next, I had to go to bed because of the searing pain in my lower back.

I called my Chiropractor, Dr. Morrison, the next morning and, fortunately, he said, “I have an opening if you can come in right now.” I said, “I will be right there.” Larry and I were there in 15 minutes. When he put me on the table for an adjustment he said, “Your sacrum is twisted.” He straightened it out, prescribed some supplements and said to ice it alternatively with heat for a few days, which I did. The next day I felt 90% better.

Dr Morrison is also an intuitive/energy healer as well as a chiropractor. I explained to him that I had an ongoing health issue since August that I wanted to discuss with him. My gynecologist had prescribed creams, antibiotics, macrobiotics, steroids to deal with the bacterial infection I had. I had also done the holistic route, but nothing cleared it up. I was really at the end of my rope.

Dr. Morrison did muscle testing and diagnosed me with a fungus which could come from many things including mold. He prescribed some supplements and strongly recommended eliminating sugar because sugar just feeds fungus and inflammation.

Talk about someone with resistance. Whenever anyone would suggest eliminating sugar from my diet, I would say, “I don’t want to hear it and I am not ready to do that. I don’t eat a lot of sugar and I really enjoy my sweets, especially chocolate. I only have a little each day.” I couldn’t imagine my life without sugar.

I had some of the classic signs of addiction; denial, minimization, control and rationalization. Here I was faced with a decision about my health. What I had done was not working and if I was to get rid of the fungus, I had to make a CHOICE and be WILLING to eliminate sugar. My daughter, Mary, who is an herbalist suggested I also eliminate dairy and fruit from my diet.

This was huge for me, especially not eating desserts on Thanksgiving. I prayed and asked for help because I knew I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own. I asked to be WILLING to do what I needed to do for my health and not complain about it!

Before we went to dinner on Thanksgiving, I made the CHOICE and decision to abstain from sugar and by the grace of God, I did. I felt great driving home that I was able to abstain from sugar and it did flow with peace, ease and grace. And, I didn’t complain or feel sorry for myself.

It is my belief that there are no mistakes or accidents in life and EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

It is my belief that whatever I attract into my life is for my highest good. If I hadn’t twisted my sacrum (for no apparent reason) and I wasn’t in severe pain, I would not have seen Dr. Morrison and been diagnosed with a fungus. I would still be trying to find the solution to my health problem.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about sugar in the future when the fungus is healed. This is not the first time I have tried to eliminate sugar from my diet. I guess the good news is that I keep trying and trusting God for guidance.

What I do know for sure is that I am taking one day at a time. Just for today, I have eliminated sugar, dairy and fruits from my diet. I will continue to pray for the strength and WILLINGNESS to do God’s will concerning my body, mind and spirit. All I have is today and what I am doing today is ENOUGH.

My heart is filled with gratitude for the way Spirit works in my life and for the willingness to do God’s will.

Is there an area in your life where you are resistant to change and need to surrender to “what is?”

I thought I had “relapsed”

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Nov
28

I have read that the higher our vibration is or how conscious we become, the more our ego will “act out” if you will. Our ego wants to rob us of our peace and keep us believing that we are separate from God and one another. It wants us to believe that we are guilty and not deserving of love.

I must be growing in consciousness because my ego is having a field day with me lately. Is anyone else experiencing that? I almost hate to admit it and share my experiences because it feels almost like a relapse to old egoistic behaviors. I share it with you for several reasons: (1) it is my belief that when we expose the ego, it loses its power. (2) you know that you are not alone. (3) to show you what I do and how I align myself with the truth of who I am as a child of God.

I became aware of these behaviors when I noticed that I was “comparing” myself with others and looking outside to others for validation. The comparing may only last for a “flash” and I am able to recognize it as ego. I did comparing and competition for a long time and know it has never worked. It is my own love, appreciation and respect that I need the most.

It comes from a place of “not enoughness” which is a core issue for most of us and it rears its head when least expected. When I don’t believe that “I am enough” it may show up in thoughts like I don’t have enough money, love, time, clothes, friends, or a big enough home, etc. It is so insidious and I know it is not the truth. It can also show up as jealousy, fear, anger, disappointment and judging.

Eckhart Tolle states “The mind exists in a state of “not enough” and so is always greedy for more. There is also the ego’s need to be periodically in conflict with something or someone in order to strengthen its sense of separation between “me” and the “ other” without which it cannot survive.

The truth is I have everything I need and I am more than enough. I am perfect and whole and loved unconditionally. I am connected to the Divine, to the Source of the Universe and there is always abundance flowing when I open my heart to receive. I asked the Holy Spirit what its message was in regards to these old behaviors showing up.

Trust the process Pat and know that I am allowing this to come up to be healed and transformed. You are going deeper and higher with me. Your ego and thoughts of separation is what is bringing this to the surface and this is good. Do not beat up on yourself, but more than ever, love yourself.”

I was led to write out a list of qualities that I love about myself: I love

* my willingness to go within for my answers;

* my desire for the truth of who I am;

* my honesty with myself and others;

* how I trust the process with you God;

* how I am willing to feel and express my feelings;

* my faith in you God;

* how I want to follow you and do your will;

* how I reach out to others to love, support, and pray for them;

* my kindness and thoughtfulness to my family and friends

When I brought this to God and asked for help and clarity about what was going on, peace returned to my heart. So, instead of thinking I relapsed into old behaviors and beat up on myself, I was able to re-frame it and understand that I was indeed going deeper and higher with God and that healing and transformation was going on within.

I am grateful that the light of God was shining in my heart and that I can go directly to the Holy Spirit for my answers, especially to expose the ego thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve me.

Larry

How do we build trust in a relationship? I think “TRUST” is one of the most important qualities when it comes to a committed love relationship. Just like most of us, I have been disappointed and hurt in the past by people I loved and trusted.  This has happened to me more times than I would have liked.

Consequently, I have some “trust issues.” It’s not too difficult for me to trust people on small things like believing you when you tell me you are going to meet me at a certain time or you share something about what happened that day or what you are feeling. It’s easy to believe that you are sharing your perspective and I trust it is your truth.

I asked myself, “How do I open up again to trust another person when I’ve been hurt and relationships have ended?  I can trust again because I value a “love relationship” more than my fear of getting hurt again and I am willing to take full responsibility for the risk my choice represents. After I have taken the time to heal and forgive, I am open to try again in another relationship trusting that this one will be fruitful for both of us and to the extent that it is, we will stay together. 

How do we know a person is trustworthy?  Before we ask that question we could ask ourselves if we think we are trustworthy?  I think I am trustworthy because I endeavor to be honest with myself and my partner. I do a lot of personal work and feel I am growing and becoming more conscious daily.  I take full responsibility for my actions.  I am becoming more aware when ego is attempting to influence my life negatively and take steps to prevent that from happening.  I consider myself trustworthy and worthy of trust. I look for these qualities in a relationship whether it be in a friendship or a love relationship.

How have I built trust in my relationship with Pat?  I think honesty and respect are two qualities that have helped me to do that. I support and encourage her to be her own person and to do what’s important to her, even though it may not seem important to me. Likewise, she supports and encourages me to be my own person.

Just trusting there is someone watching your back that loves you, is huge, especially when we’re going through a difficult time. I am confident that Pat will have my back. I’ve learned to trust that she will be honest with me even if she disagrees with my prospective or direction. Because of our past experiences, I know she will not agree with me just because it will make me feel good and that kind of behavior builds trust.  Because of her experiences in our relationship, she trusts that I will be there for her, no matter what.

Even though relationships don’t always become what we would have hoped they would and we get hurt, I think I’m learning that being able to TRUST someone in our lives is a wonderful asset.  We realize that we don’t have to face the difficult times alone, and there is someone whom we can confide in and that relieves our stress and angst.  We feel loved, supported and protected.  I think it’s worth the risk.  Who is that special person in your life?

“I was at the end of my rope”

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Nov
15

“The best thing I can do is pray for another. When I pray for a loved one, a friend or even someone I know about from the news or social media, I give the GIFT OF LOVE. As I pray for someone, I feel our divine connection as I affirm the goodness of God. I open my mind and heart to divine love. I let this love flow from me and affirm that the highest blessing is unfolding.” Daily Word

I love how God answers prayers and puts people together at the perfect and right time. I would like to share 2 experiences regarding the power of prayer this week.

I received an email from a friend that read, “I am asking for prayer for a personal issue. Will you please see me as healthy and enjoying my life. I will have the results next week and let you know.” I emailed her and said, “I am praying for you.” My email bounced back and I didn’t know why so I text-ed her and wrote,“Never doubt what one prayer can do.” I didn’t hear from her for a couple of weeks so I sent another text asking how she was? She wrote back and said, I am doing great.” Something felt strange so I asked her if she sent an email requesting prayer and she said, “No, I didn’t but the day you sent me the text (Never doubt what one prayer can do) was a very dark day and you picked up on that like a miracle.”

I was astonished that she hadn’t sent me an email requesting prayer so I went back to my trash and there was no email from her. Strange and powerful things are happening as we are all connected in love.

Here is the other example: I was driving to the beach to take a walk and swim when I spotted the yard sale sign. Of course, I had to stop to see if there were any treasures. When I walked in the woman said, “Everything is $1.00 except for the TV. I have to get rid of everything because we are moving on Tuesday. I have been doing this for several weeks and I am exhausted.” It was Sunday and there was still quite a bit of stuff left. I wondered how she would get rid of it all.

She then said, I also have my 5 cats that need homes because I can’t take them with me.” I could tell she was really troubled and distraught about finding homes for her cats in one day. I asked what her name was and she said, “Cindy.” I said, “Cindy, I will pray for you and for this situation.”

In our conversation she said, “I recently had knee surgery and have back problems.” I asked, “Where are you moving and how are you going to get rid of everything in a day?” She said, “We are moving to the Big Island and we are going to donate whatever we have left over to a charity.”

I really felt bad for her and wanted to buy a few things to help her out, but then realized I didn’t bring any money with me since I was just going to the beach. I asked if I could bring the money back in the morning after my yoga class. She agreed to that and I left with my items.

I immediately prayed for her as I drove away and all during the day. After my yoga class the next day, I went back to her house to give her the money I owed her, but nobody was home. I had a massage scheduled right around the corner and planned on returning after the massage. As I drove by her house after my massage, I spotted her standing outside.

She was really excited to see me as I walked up her driveway because she didn’t know my name or how to get in touch with me to share what happened. She said, “You are not going to believe this but 10 minutes after you left and said you would pray for me, a woman came by and noticed the cat carrier that was for sale. Cindy shared that she had 5 cats that needed homes. The woman said, “I live upcountry and I take in cats.” The woman left with all 5 cats and Cindy was so relieved and grateful that they found good homes. Talk about God’s perfect timing.

I was in awe of how it all played out. We hugged one another as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She said, “I knew when you asked me my name that you would be praying for me. This is truly a miracle and I know God answered my prayers. When I was having my coffee this morning and feeling so overwhelmed, I gave it to God because I was at the end of my rope and didn’t know what else to do.”

I then heard Spirit say, “Give her your book.” I don’t argue anymore when I hear Spirit tell me to give my book away. I said, “I have a gift for you in my car.” She was thrilled and said she would read it on the plane the next day.

There is no doubt in my mind that we are all ONE and are connected. Praying for one another keeps us aware that we all one in Spirit-one in love.

My family was distraught

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Nov
15

It will be 5 years in January that I left my home, family, friends, business and community to move 5,000 miles away to live on Maui. I am grateful that I followed my heart and stepped out in faith. I know today that it was God’s grace that gave me the courage to say YES. Of course, there was fear of the unknown and I had to let go of limiting beliefs of not being deserving or worthy before I could make this bold move. I had to trust myself and know that God was leading me and would provide for me.

Following your heart is not always easy because you may disappoint those you love and they may not approve of your actions and choices. Sometimes people look at me and wonder how I could have left my 4 adult children and grandchildren, especially when I tell them that I came here alone and knew in my heart that I was going to meet my soul mate.

As I’ve shared in other blogs, I have never been happier in my life and my attitude is over the top with gratitude. It keeps getting better and better as I “show up” and say YES to all God/Source/Universe wants to give me. I am realizing that I stop the flow of abundance in body, mind, and spirit when I am unable or refuse to RECEIVE. Spirit always wants to give more love, peace, joy and happiness, but I have to be willing to open my heart to receive.

I know that I am where I am meant to be because of the peace in my heart. That doesn’t mean it is always easy though. The hardest part of living so far away is not being there physically when my kids go through something difficult. Thank God for Face Time that keeps us connected.

For example: It was really difficult when my daughter, Mary, called to tell me that her beloved dog, Joey, passed away suddenly and the whole family was distraught, especially my young grandson. I cried and wanted to be there to hug them and comfort them.

I went online to find the “Rainbow Bridge” poem that I knew would be comforting to my grandson and sent it to my daughter. We face timed the next day and she asked me to read it to him, which I did. He was quiet and I wasn’t sure how much he understood it. I shared with him that my mom died many years ago and I get signs and rainbows all the time to help me know she is happy and safe.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies who has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All of the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

The next day I received a text from my daughter telling me that my grandson was in the car the next day when he spotted a rainbow in the sky. It was the first rainbow he has ever seen. He was so excited and said, “There’s the rainbow bridge.”

God is so good and hears our prayers. Although I am not with my children and grandchildren physically, there is no doubt in my mind that we are all connected by Love. All there is is Love.

I was wrongly accused

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Nov
15

I am sure most of us have been “wrongly” accused of something at one time or another in our lives. It can be very painful and traumatic and may take a long time to heal. Some of you may still be struggling with something in your past that you are holding onto. Of course, it is only natural to want to defend ourselves and prove our innocence. It has been my experience that Spirit allows things to happen to show me how I have grown (or not grown) in how I handle situations where I have been accused of wrong doing.

For example: I attended a water aerobics class this week and the teacher who I had just met invited me to her pool party on Saturday. A few days later, she saw a friend of mine and told her how upset and angry she was with me for something someone told her I did.

Of course, my friend was shocked and said, “That doesn’t sound like Pat.” When my friend called and shared with me what happened, I felt embarrassed because of the things she accused me of doing. I was shocked and felt terrible. I immediately called the teacher to explain what happened. She didn’t answer her phone so I left a message and apologized for the misunderstanding and asked her to please forgive me.

What I know about myself is that I would never intentionally hurt another person. We all have different perspectives and experiences in life so, unfortunately, we do hurt others and may never even know it.

Instead of beating up on myself or doubting myself, after my friend called me, I released it and didn’t let it ruin my day. I called the teacher and took responsibility for what actually happened. I was a little anxious about seeing her when I attended the next aerobics class. When I prayed about it, I heard Spirit reassure and say “You didn’t do anything wrong and I want you to walk into the class with your head held high. Know that I place everything and everyone and every encounter in your life for a reason. You are learning to trust that more deeply.”

I approached the teacher before the class started and asked if she received my phone call. She said, “Yes, and I wrote you a response 2 days ago, but haven’t sent it.” She was still angry at me and couldn’t understand my actions. I tried to explain my side of what happened, but she didn’t want to hear it. I found out later that she accused me of doing something that was second hand.

I needed to let it go and send her love. I am not responsible and cannot control what other people think of me or say about me. All I am responsible for is me, my actions and keeping my side of the street clean. I can hold onto resentments and ruminate about what happened to me until the cows come home. What good does that do? It only hurts me and robs me of my peace. Whenever the situation popped up in my mind during the day, I released judgment and sent her light and love.

Spirit showed me how I had grown because I didn’t take it personally and I moved through it quickly.

This situation brought to mind what happened to me in my career over 10 years ago when I was wrongly accused of something I didn’t do. It devastated me and took every ounce of energy and prayer to move through it. Someone I trusted had gone behind my back to the boss and said things about me that weren’t true and almost cost me my job. I am so grateful for the friends in the department who loved and supported me through this. In the end, I was vindicated and the truth came to the light, which it always does. But during that time, I learned some valuable lessons about life.

Instead of being bitter and resentful when I walked by her office every day, I learned about forgiveness. I quietly prayed, “I release judgment and send light and love.” It was the only way I could remain peaceful and remain at the job until I was ready to retire.

We can become BITTER or BETTER by what life brings us. I chose to become better. I wasn’t going to allow someone else’s behavior to determine my behavior. It wasn’t easy, but peace was more important to me than being right.

How about you? Is there someone in your life that has hurt or betrayed you and you have been unable to let go and forgive? If not now, when? Forgiveness is a choice and it is for you, not the other person. You are not condoning the act, but forgiving the person for what they did. Take yourself out of the prison of resentment and free yourself to live the best life you can live. Remember, we are not promised tomorrow. All we have is today.

Larry

Aloha friends, thought some of you may be wondering why I haven’t been contributing to the blog the last couple of weeks.  Truth is, I haven’t had anything to write about.  I seem to be in a place right now where it’s better for me to listen instead of writing.  I was reading in Alan Cohens book entitled “Enough Already- The Power of Radical Contentment” today and Alan shares a story about an annual retreat in Assisi, Italy.  The retreat is basically silent, the rule is:  “Speak only if what you have to say is more powerful than the silence.”  He also shares about the benefit of being silent and listening. We all go through times in our lives when it is better to listen and not speak so much.  It seems like this is where I am right now so I will keep listening and write again when I feel whatever I have to say seems more important than my silence. 

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