I met someone this week (who was an acquaintance) that I hadn’t seen in over a year. The first and only thing she said to me was, “Are you HAPPY?” I looked at her smiling and said, “Yes, very happy.” That was the end of the conversation.
As I pondered the question in my mind, I asked myself, “What makes me happy?” There are many things that make me happy. Certainly being in a loving, committed relationship with Larry makes me happy. But, I was happy before we got into a relationship and I was happy before I moved to Maui. I was happy because I had learned to love and appreciate myself. I was happy because I had learned how to give myself PLEASURE. Here is a quote I found. “The essence of pleasure is spontaneity” Germaine Greer. Instead of being a RUSHaholic, BUSYaholic, DOaholic, WORKaholic, FOODaholic, I am practicing and declaring myself to be a PLEASUREaholic, PEACEaholic and PLAYaholic.
As an Addiction Therapist for over 20 years, I have worked with people with all kinds of addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, hoarding, shopping, sexual, religious, gambling, relationships and internet. Whenever we are addicted to something, we are trying to fill the “Hole in the Soul” with something outside of us. We often don’t want to feel our feelings and the pain inside of us. We haven’t yet done the work of healing, forgiving and transformation. One of the symptoms of addictions is that you need more and more of the “drug” to get the desired result – which is a high to numb the pain inside. It never works and never fills us. We received an email from one of our readers this week.
“I am writing to thank you both for your inspirations. keep ’em coming! Particularly today Pat, your suggestion about “GOING WITHIN” has hit home. I have received that specific message for the last 2 days (at least), coming through in different ways to gain my attention. It has! I have had resistance though, as I have been a ‘DOaholic’ much of my life. I have recognized a pattern of energy that I no longer believe, but just to state it here: I would think I was ‘fat and lazy’ and unproductive if I wasn’t physically “DOING,” or moving all the time. I recognize that it was just an ego-generated fear. It was indeed ‘false evidence appearing real’, and certainly not the Truth of Who I AM. So now, if the thought comes up around that, I transmute it as soon as I am aware of it, saying ‘cancel, clear, delete.’
I am reading a book by Dr.Christiane Northrup called “Goddesses Never Age.” She writes, “We must reclaim the power of PLEASURE. Pleasure is a divine gift we give ourselves and a powerful medicine. We have forgotten the importance of pleasure and we must practice regularly to establish HAPPINESS & JOY in our bodies and life. A discipline of pleasure is an investment in your health. Experiencing pleasure is crucial for vibrant health. It is not selfish, but a gift I give myself. Be an ageless Goddess of pleasure.”
WOW, after reading this I knew I was on the right track because I am very aware of what gives me PLEASURE in my life. I try to give myself more pleasure each day because it feels SO GOOD. This has been a process and didn’t happen overnight. Just like the person who wrote above, I struggled with giving myself permission to experience pleasure, enjoyment and not be DOING something all the time.
I had to change old beliefs that no longer served me. For example: When I am DOING and making things happen, I experience a sense of control and power. It felt like I was accomplishing something when I crossed off things from my “to do” list and therefore, felt worthy of love. I usually put PLEASURE last on my list, after all my “responsibilities” to others were completed.
I know today that I don’t have to ask permission to seek or receive pleasure. I GIVE IT TO MYSELF and don’t feel guilty or selfish anymore. Pleasure leads to happiness and my happiness serves the world and myself because it keeps my vibrational energy high. I want to be so happy that when others look at me they become happy too. Along with my “appreciation list” about myself that I do nightly, I decided to start a “pleasure list.” I will review the day and think about what brought me pleasure and then DO MORE OF IT. So many things give me pleasure. Here are some of the simple things that bring me pleasure:
*Waking up slowly in the morning and feeling grateful for the day
*Listening to the birds singing to me
*Stretching my back with yoga each morning
*Curling up in bed and reading a good book
*Having morning coffee in bed with Larry
*Sitting outside with the sun shining and the breeze blowing on my face
*Going for walks in nature and noticing the beauty all around me
*Eating my food slowly and tasting the flavors and texture of what I am eating
*Listening to my favorite Hawaiian radio station at home and in the car
*Going for car rides in my new car with no destination
*Just letting the day unfold with nothing planned
*Connecting with friends on Facebook
*Painting, dancing and writing
*Watching a movie with Larry and having my feet scratched and rubbed
*Hugging, especially when we go to bed at night
*Going to yard sales or consignment shops and finding a bargain or just what I am looking for
*Meeting new people and listening to their stories
*Inspiring someone to trust God and live their dream
*Having a glass of wine at the end of the day and watching the sunset
*Wearing a flower in my hair or a colorful hat
*Smiling and saying hello to people when I walk on the beach
*Taking a hot bath and luxuriating my body
*Going to the beach or swimming in my favorite pool
Alan Cohen in his book, “Wisdom of the Heart” writes “Take the time to enjoy your life. You can allow yourself PLEASURE and still fulfill your responsibilities. And if you keep your Spirit happy, you will actually accomplish your tasks more quickly, easily and efficiently. Each day, set aside time to nourish your soul. Explore music, art, or dance; read for pleasure, get together with friends, play with your pet, engage in a hobby; or get out in nature. When you do something you love even for a short time each day, you will recharge your batteries and find the strength and energy to do the things you need to do.”
Would you like to join me and practice becoming a PLEASUREaholic, PEACEaholic and PLAYaholic? I truly believe this is how God intended for us to live our lives; loving and appreciating ourselves, allowing ourselves to experience peace, play and pleasure. Only as we learn to love and appreciate ourselves, are we capable of loving others unconditionally. Life is short, you are worth it. Larry will be back next week writing!
We would love to hear from you and welcome your responses to this blog. What do you do for pleasure and fun? Have you been inspired to do something differently as a result of reading this?
A few days ago I read in one of my spiritual books that “anything that makes us anxious is a growth opportunity.” I didn’t know why I wrote it down in my journal, because I don’t consider myself an anxious person, but I did. I believe that everything we attract into our lives is for our highest good and there is always a gift for us when we are open to receive it. I also believe that everything has a purpose and serves us.
This morning I woke up “anxious” and worried about a person I loved. I then remembered writing about anxiety in my journal. I asked myself, “How is this anxiety a growth opportunity?” Could it be that I needed to explore some beliefs that no longer served me? Was it an opportunity to heal something from my past that was coming up in the present? When I am anxious, I am focusing on the “visible world” and leaving God out of the picture. Was it a reminder that there is only NOW, no past or future to dwell on and to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen? It is in the present moment that I experience the Divine.
As I prayed and meditated about it, I recognized that the situation I was anxious about with the person I loved was being triggered by an experience that I had when I was 22 years old. I was naïve and didn’t know what I know today. Of course, I wanted to protect my loved one and spare them unnecessary pain. I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to the person I loved.
Could it be that I’ve traveled that road and remembered the pain and suffering that it caused in my own life? Alan Cohen, in his book, “Wisdom of the Heart” writes “Every thought is a prayer. WORRY is a form of prayer. It is the form most practiced by most people.” I know that worry is an illusion and robs me of my peace of mind. Worrying about someone doesn’t help me or the other person I am concerned about. It just lowers my vibration.
What happens to you when you think someone you care about and love may be going down a slippery road that could be harmful to them? Do you try to control them and make them see the (YOUR) light? Do you nag them to change their ways? Do you worry and obsess and make yourself sick?
I reminded myself that I am not responsible for another person’s choices and paths they travel. What another person does or doesn’t do is really none of my business. It may be exactly what they need to learn their lessons that will help them grow and expand. I had already been honest and shared my concerns and experience with the person I loved.
Here was the opportunity for me to grow. This is what I did to maintain my PEACE OF MIND:
* I let go of my worry and anxiety and refused to worry. This is the gift I gave myself.
* I trusted God that everything was in the perfect and right order.
* I let go of my control, of thinking I had the answers for the person I loved.
* I detached with love.
* I prayed and sent love and light.
* I trusted they would make the right choices for their life.
When I finished my prayer and meditation, I felt completely peaceful.
I woke up one morning at 4:30 a.m. with this scripture passage running through my head and I couldn’t get back to sleep until I wrote down my thoughts. The passage was “Unless you are like little children you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.”
What is a little child like? A little child is innocent, trusting, playful, vulnerable and completely open to copious amounts of love. They don’t ask for it, they expect it. I think that it is probably because that’s the way it was where they came from.
I think Spirit is reminding us that we can experience the kingdom of heaven right here and NOW. When we choose to be like little children again; to be open, to trust, to expect love to shower us with its gifts of energy and light, then we can be transported to total love consciousness
I asked myself, “What is keeping me from receiving this incredible love energy that is being freely offered to me?” Like a little child, I am learning to be more TRUSTING and let go of what CONTROL I think I have over my life. When an opportunity arises that appears to be difficult, I am learning to LET GO of panic and concern and just be open to love’s energy in the moment.
What works best for me is to remind myself to live in the NOW, one moment at a time. This worked well for me when we arrived in Sydney, Australia to find out the hotel we had reserved was non-existent and later the taxi we reserved to take us to the airport never showed up. I didn’t panic. Instead, I TRUSTED that things would work out for us and they did.
We can choose to remove all barriers and obstacles we’ve placed between us and love. We need to stand naked and innocent before God and allow love to transform us from fear to complete openness and trust.
Hopefully, we will become completely love conscious and realize that the kingdom of heaven is upon us, always has been, always will be. Have you ever wondered if perhaps heaven is not a place up above but is a consciousness realized through love, a consciousness we were born from and a consciousness we will return to when our earthly journey is finished.
I am dedicated to walking the rest my journey with love consciousness and invite all to do the same.
In his book, “Wisdom of the Heart,” Alan Cohen writes, “Children are magnificent teachers because they live in innocence. All of us are born in simplicity, but then we learn complexity. By watching children, we can reclaim the innocence we gave away. Kids live in the moment, play frequently, let their imaginations soar, ask for what they want, let their emotions rise and fall, laugh often, have no sense of shame, don’t believe that they have to earn their good, and don’t fear death. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. To do so, simply drop what you have been taught and remember what you know.”
People often comment to me that I inspire them. I love to hear that because it is truly my mission and desire to INSPIRE people to “go within” and find God. I believe that it is only by “going within” that I have discovered Love and embraced my greatness, power and divinity. I want everyone to know that the same Love, greatness and divinity is inside of them. Here is a part of an email that I received from a woman after reading our last blog. It touched my heart.
“I loved your post today. Both you and Larry’s writing really spoke to me and I want to start changing the way I live. I get up each day and feel like I go from branch to branch like a monkey and before I know it, half the day is over and I don’t know where it goes. I want to change that. Thank you for leading me to “The Spirit Post.” I want to take the time each day now when I awake to read one article, poem to start my day. You both have lifted my spirit weekly when I receive your posts. I want to thank you and Larry for giving me just what I was looking for to keep me centered in my spiritual world. I had gotten away from my spirituality and I feel you both have helped to bring it back.”
I am celebrating my 4th year anniversary of moving to Maui. The gratitude and joy I feel is beyond words and indescribable. I didn’t know HOW I could do it nor did I have the answers before I took the leap of faith and followed my heart 5,000 miles away from all I loved in my life. I just knew I had to follow my heart. Even though I couldn’t see what was ahead for my future, I trusted God to lead me and stepped out in faith.
When I was in the throes and thick of fear while writing my book, I often cried myself to sleep because I didn’t know HOW to do it or think that I COULD DO IT! I felt so overwhelmed by the whole ordeal of publishing and marketing a book that I put my manuscript to bed for a whole year. I said to God, “You have chosen the wrong person, I am not doing it.” I didn’t care that I had already spent lots of money and time on editing and writing workshops. What is interesting is that I didn’t know it was FEAR. I was in total DENIAL and told myself, “I just don’t want to do it.”
It wasn’t until I was preparing to lead a retreat called, “Love is letting go of fear” that my eyes were opened. Until I admitted to myself, God and another person that it was fear, I stayed stuck with a manuscript almost finished in my drawer. Once I admitted that is was fear, I asked God for help. I asked to be led and literally within 2 days my answers came and I had the direction I needed to finish my book. It was a year later, (after 6 years of writing) that “Simply a Woman of Faith” was published.
My God is patient and waited for a year for me to come around and say YES to His plan. I had to be willing, surrender my doubts and fears and ask for guidance. I am so grateful for God’s grace and that I trusted God’s plan for my life. What I know with all my heart is that God’s plan is to prosper me and it is always GOOD. God has placed your dreams and desires in your heart and will help you manifest them. You don’t need to know HOW they will happen. All you need to know is what your dreams are.
Is God calling you to step out of the boat and take a leap of faith into the unknown? It may be leaving a marriage that is no longer working or a job that bores you to death and you are not living your dream? Only you know what is in your heart and what is holding you back. Don’t let your dreams die inside of you.
If I hadn’t identified my fears and asked for help, I would not be living with my soul mate on Maui and living the life of my dreams. Fear is useless, what is needed is trust. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
Do we realize how much we allow fear to affect our lives? How often do we allow fear to determine what decisions we make or don’t make. Fear is so insidious and hides itself so completely that we don’t even know it’s there inside of us making our lives miserable. The more we allow fear to go unrecognized, the worse it gets. Have you ever been in a situation where you just can’t make a decision and you don’t know why?
When I sold my catering business I was 45 years old and had to find a way to make a living. I didn’t want to admit it, but fear was my constant companion. I felt frightened and alone. I was going through a divorce after 21 years of marriage and had to find a new place to live and get used to living alone. I struggled with this because my life had changed so dramatically in a short time. It’s very difficult for a man to admit that he’s afraid because we are taught to be strong, macho and the protectors. Fear is viewed as weak and shameful.
I think many men push fear down and medicate it with one addiction or another. We are often not even aware that it is fear- related. After a while I thought, “Perhaps I’d like to meet someone but dating over the last 21 years had really changed. Being 20 years older didn’t help with my self- confidence either.” Just the thought of dating was scary. Did I want to put myself out there, become vulnerable and take the risk of getting hurt again? I struggled through that and at times it wasn’t pretty, but I persevered and eventually I became comfortable with the single life and dating again. As I look back at those years, I think it could have been a lot easier if I had the consciousness that I have today.
What I didn’t realize back then was that I had a choice. There is another power available to us that is stronger than fear, more powerful than anything created by humankind, that is the power of LOVE! We don’t have to go through life’s difficulties alone and allow fear to paralyze us.
I have learned that LOVE is the energy and light of GOD. LOVE is offered to us every moment of every day. We can’t earn it because it is a gift just waiting to be accepted. I can choose fear or I can choose LOVE. I know this sounds simple and it is, but it’s not easy. I had to stop thinking that I wasn’t worthy or good enough to receive LOVE. I learned love cannot be earned. Like most of us, I’ve made mistakes in my life and, at times, felt like I haven’t measured up. How many of you have felt that way? I realized LOVE is never a question of worthiness. We just need to be open to receive the unconditional gift that is being offered.
You may want to try this response the next time you feel fear threatening you. I say something like this, “I am not accepting fear in this situation, I delete all fearful thoughts, I CHOOSE THE POWER OF LOVE. I DELETE FEAR AND CHOOSE LOVE, I DELETE FEAR AND CHOOSE LOVE”. Repeat this as often as you need too. I hope you find this helpful. Love has never let me down. The next time fear presents itself in your life, what will you choose?
I had just finished writing in my journal, “Lord, guide me with my “sacred time” and let me check in with myself before every activity I plan. I know that I am responsible for the pace and peace I bring to each moment.
I opened up Alan Cohen’s book “Wisdom of the Heart” pg. 71. It said, “Take the time to enjoy your life. You can allow yourself pleasure and still fulfill your responsibilities. When you do something you love for even a short time each day, you will recharge your batteries and find the strength and energy to do the things you need to do.”
The word that spoke to my heart was TAKE the time to enjoy your life. It is yours and mine for the taking. Do you take TIME for yourself to nurture your spirit or are you too busy with other things to do? Are you always last on the to-do list because others are more important to take care of than you are? Do you feel guilty when you do something or take TIME for yourself to relax and perhaps do nothing?
I recently met a woman who was very stressed and overwhelmed and I was led to give her my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I asked her if she liked to read and she said, “Yes, as a young girl I read all the time and loved it, but I don’t have the TIME to read anymore. She didn’t know that she does have the TIME to read, but didn’t TAKE it because she was too busy or didn’t feel deserving. What do you tell yourself you don’t have the TIME for: prayer & daily meditation, relaxing, eating healthy, exercising, creating a new project, dancing, playing, spending time with friends or family, doing nothing and just BEING? I had to learn to just BE and do nothing. If you don’t TAKE the time to do things that are enjoyable, good and healthy for you, what are you taking TIME for?
Busyness can be a distraction & an addiction from “what is inside of you” and your feelings. I know because I was a “BUSYAHOLIC” or “RUSHAHOLIC” to avoid the “hole in the soul” that I tried to fill with outside things. I remember years ago that I couldn’t or didn’t do what I wanted to do until everyone in my family was settled and happy. I realize now that I had it backwards. I know today that by loving and nurturing myself first, I can love and give to others. Unfortunately, our society is goal-oriented, work, work and get things done. There is never enough time for pleasure and fun. No wonder so many people have heart disease and are stressed out.
This is an affirmation I say, especially when I think I have too much to do and so little time to do it. “I have more than enough time to do all that is mine to do” because I do. I have to practice this affirmation and not get caught up in the old beliefs that busyness and being productive is good and relaxing and enjoying is bad. Here are some examples of old beliefs: There’s never enough time to do all that I want to do. Time is flying by. The older you get, the faster time goes. I often hear people say, “How did I ever work, I am so busy now?”
We are all given the same amount of “sacred” time each day to do what we want to do and what is important to us. Every moment, every breath is precious and I don’t take it for granted because it is a gift from God. I am not promised my next breath and neither are you. It is my desire and passion to live my life to the fullest and to live in joy and peace. So I ask myself before an activity, “Will this bring me joy?” At this time in my life, for the most part, I do what I want to do. I no longer push myself to try to please everyone else. If I don’t know what I want to do in the moment, I just do the next right thing and the next right thing. It always works and I get to where I want to be.
Being retired and living on Maui with all the wonderful activities to peruse has given me the opportunity to practice TAKING the time to do what I want to do. I can still get out of balance with busyness and doing too much. I know it almost immediately because I lose my peace and am irritable.
Because I want to use my TIME consciously and to enjoy the life God has given me, I know what my priorities are and what makes me peaceful, happy and joyful.
#1 Spending TIME in prayer and meditation every day.
#2 Loving myself and taking the TIME to BE and DO whatever I need in relation to my body, mind and spirit.
#3 Spending TIME with my partner, Larry, and nurturing our relationship.
#4 Spending TIME with friends and family.
#5 Spending TIME writing as my sacred service and being creative.
I encourage you to TAKE the TIME to enjoy your life and have fun. This is your LIFE, not a dress rehearsal. Ask yourself, “What steps can I take to nurture my body, mind, and spirit today?”
Many people are so busy every day that they don’t have the TIME to do everything they would like. The days just don’t seem long enough. Some folks have demanding careers or work two jobs to take care of their families and at the end of the day they are tired, frazzled and exhausted. All they want to do is crawl into bed and collapse. They are up again the next morning and do it all again. Do you ever feel like you are on a treadmill going around and around?
Our physical and psychological bodies are incredible but they do have a limit. When we pay attention to our bodies they will tell us when they are reaching their limit. If we don’t take the TIME to listen they will eventually break down.
As I have mentioned in past blogs, I had my own catering business for 16 years. I remember what happened to me around Christmas. It was our busiest time of the year and we were working day and night. My partner, Bob, and I had been going for days without stopping. I looked at him and said, “I can’t do this anymore. I have to leave for a while.” I felt like everything was closing in on me and I was suffocating. I’ve always had affection for forests and wilderness. I headed for a beautiful forest and reservoir that I used to frequent when I had more TIME. I walked up a trail and into the forest. There were no other people around and it was snowing lightly. The deeper I walked into the forest, the more I began to feel the incredible powerful energy. I felt like I wanted to hug a couple of trees. I sat down against one of them and just let the connection happen. The stress started to drain away as the snow fell gently on and around me. I don’t remember how long I stayed there but when I left I felt refreshed, renewed and loved.
I was very happy that I had listened to my body and took the TIME I needed to refresh myself. It seems to me that sometimes our priorities are out of whack and we continue to place ourselves on the bottom of the list. At the end of the day we have no TIME left to love ourselves. When we’re going to take a trip some where we know enough to fill the tank of our vehicle with gas. If we expect ourselves to address all the issues in our day we better take the TIME to fill ourselves with the energy we will need to take us through the day.
I believe that the energy and light of love is in each and every one of us. How wonderful it would be if we all started our day by taking the TIME to love ourselves first. Growing up I was taught to be considerate of others and that it was selfish to always think about what I needed or wanted. That is true, however, that doesn’t mean forgetting about myself and placing myself at the bottom of the list.
I’m retired now and it’s taken me 50 years to realize that I’m important enough to be placed on the top of my priority list. As a gift, I offer you this practice. Each morning when you wake up look into the mirror and tell yourself, “I Love You”, I’m so happy that you are me and I can’t wait to spend the day with you. This was difficult for me to do at first because it felt strange and unnatural. I now find it a terrific way to start my day because it fills my tank.
Peace is very important to me and every day I strive to keep myself peaceful. I was clearly in a FUNK and struggling big time, even my dreams were tumultuous as I cried out to God for help. When I shared my FUNK with Larry, he thought it might be a letdown from the excitement of the holidays and buying a new car. I didn’t think that was it. I sensed it might have something to do with my gaining some weight, feeling out of control and how I looked. I am not talking about a lot of weight, perhaps 5-7 pounds, but on me that makes a big difference and I didn’t like how I looked. I remembered that I had written a blog about weight and body image several years ago. Here is what I wrote in March 2013.
“I became honest with myself and admitted that I have obsessed about my weight, body image and how I looked all of my life. I have probably been on every kind of diet there was at one time or another. YUCK, embarrassing and not easy to admit, but I also know that the TRUTH will set me free. I choose to bring to light what has been hidden so that God’s love and light will heal me. This is distorted thinking and crazy making.
God brought to mind that it started when I was very young. When I was 12 years old, my mother, who was on a diet, brought me to a doctor to get diet pills and I stayed on them for a few years. I was not overweight! I remember, as an adult, whenever my father visited me, he would comment. “You gained weight or you lost weight or you are too thin. I was never good enough in his eyes. I recognized that my unconscious belief has been, “I must be the perfect weight and look good to be loved.”
Now here it is a few years later and I am still struggling with this issue. Although I have seen improvement in myself, it was still an issue. My mother and father are no longer with us. It is now MY VOICE that I hear in my head. This didn’t make me feel too good and I wanted the madness to stop. I certainly have tried to let go of this by looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you” and being kind to myself. Bottom line is “I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself”. For over 57 years I have lived with this belief that my body isn’t good enough and thin enough. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Why does it take so long for these beliefs to go away? I know it is all in my head; as you get older your metabolism changes and we need to accept the changes. Over the years, I have done it all: tapping, therapy, prayer, affirmations and am still struggling. Of course, I want to take care of my body and have a healthy body that is not overweight. But I also want to “accept what is” and be kind to my body. Isn’t it time to accept what is and to love and honor the body I am living in?
Do you love your body or do you beat up on yourself? You may think you are too short or too thin, tall, or you don’t like your hips, or your stomach or your legs. Or perhaps you are noticing wrinkles in your face or your arms feel like jello.
I read a disturbing article a few years ago that said “80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders.” As a result of both genetic and environmental factors, body image issues and eating disorder behaviors may be passed down from generation to generation. This concept, recently labeled “thin-heritance,” explores how a mother’s views about food, dieting practices, and negative attitudes and comments about her own body or her child’s appearance increase her children’s risk for poor body image and eating disorders.”
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants me to love and care for the body I have been given. Will you please join me in this affirmation and LOVE REVOLUTION: “I will see myself through God’s eyes – a beautiful creation of love and light. I will love, treasure and honor the body God has given me. I will continue to blossom and grow into the woman God intended me to be.” Let us join together and support one another in this battle for our bodies. IF NOT NOW, WHEN?”
When I finished writing this blog, I felt a definite shift inside of me and the struggle and FUNK were gone. Perhaps the first step was admitting the truth, bringing it to the light and asking God to heal me.
I trust in the power and presence of God to heal this belief that no longer serves me (and never did). Instead of beating up on myself, I am loving myself into health and wholeness and accepting the perfect and right weight for my body.
Heart Steps – Julia Cameron pg. 59
There is no separation between body and soul, spirit and matter. One essence, one unity, runs through all of life. This essence, the God-force is completely pure, completely perfect. I claim for myself the health and perfection of this divine force. My body is beautiful, sacred and beloved. Spirit infuses my body with radiant goodness. I experience vitality, enthusiasm, energy and power. My physical nature and my spiritual nature are one and the same. My body’s needs and urges are divine in origin.
I immediately started to journal and the word CELEBRATE came to mind. I was led to ask myself some questions. Why is it easier sometimes to see and celebrate others’ success? Do I celebrate myself and what I have accomplished in my life? Do I celebrate my gifts and talents? Have I made a difference in the world and in the lives of others? Am I happy with the way I “show up” in the world or do I compare myself and not feel good enough or that I haven’t done enough? For many years, my pattern was to compare myself and therefore, never felt like I was good enough. Because I didn’t know how to celebrate my accomplishments, I just kept pushing myself to do and be MORE.
Today I am celebrating myself because I have learned to be my own best friend and my own cheerleader. I celebrate myself when I spend quiet time with myself and give myself whatever it is that I need. I am celebrating who I have become and am becoming. I know that I am responsible for my own happiness and well- being and I don’t expect others to make me happy. That is an inside job. I celebrate myself by treating myself the way that I would treat my child, spouse, partner or best friend. I know that I deserve the best that life has to offer and that I have so much to contribute to the world.
I felt grateful as I reflected on this past year and what I have accomplished and what I was proud of. Those old behaviors and patterns of comparing me to others, feeling inadequate and not good enough had decreased. I felt happy for the ways I “showed up” to follow my heart and go within. I’ve had opportunities to forgive and not judge, as well as to let go of my controlling behaviors and accept “what is”.
As we begin a new year, many of us make resolutions (and rarely keep them) and we FOCUS on what needs to be changed in us, where we need to grow and what we need to do differently to manifest what we want. Of course, there will always be things we want to do differently and strive to be better at. I want to drink more water and exercise more and that is good.
Instead of FOCUSING on what I wanted to change and fix in my life, I decided to FOCUS on what IS WORKING in my life and what brings me joy and peace. I then made a conscious decision to do more of that. There are so many things that are working for me, but learning to love, appreciate and accept myself is the best decision I have ever made in my life. As I love and appreciate myself more deeply, I am then capable of loving others the way I want to. Every night before I fall asleep I have an “appreciation practice” where I mentally review the day and all the things that I appreciate about myself for that day.
Another way I love myself is to ACCEPT everything that comes into my life, especially when it looks like a problem or a challenge. I try not to see it as a problem, but rather as an opportunity to grow and that there is a gift if I am willing to see it. I trust that if it “shows up”, I have attracted it into my life for my highest good. I love myself when I allow myself to feel all of my feelings and not judge them to be bad or wrong because I know to “feel is to heal.” I love myself when I am honest and authentic with what I say and do.
As the New Year begins, I invite and encourage you to FOCUS on what is working in your life and to do more of that. I encourage you to CELEBRATE your accomplishments and successes. Celebrating increases your capacity for joy. When we take time to celebrate ourselves, we teach our brains to be on the lookout for where we have done things right. It keeps us focused on the positive parts of our lives and what we focus on expands, it starts to enhance our sense of happiness and rightness with the world.
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I am confident that the New Year will offer plenty of opportunities and surprises for all of us. As I was walking this morning I became conscious of all the incredible beauty surrounding me. The air was filled with the chatter and song of a thousand birds. The incredibly beautiful flowers in every color of the rainbow and the majestic trees swaying in the breeze seemed to reach out to me longing for recognition. How could I not recognize them because their beauty filled my heart with joy? WOW! What a way to start the day, filled with gratitude and joy. I believe this is the energy and light of love, showing me that we are all connected: flowers, trees, birds, sky and ocean. When I take the time to be conscious of everything around me, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and joy.
How patient LOVE is as we go about our lives and aren’t aware of the beautiful gifts around us that are continuously offered to us every day. LOVE persists, not taking the gifts away but saying “I will wait until you are ready to accept them, no worries. It’s my pleasure to wait for you to open the eyes of your heart to receive my creations.”
As we begin our new year and continue on our journey of faith I wish you Love, Joy, Persistence, Patience, Consciousness and Light Filled Energy.
LOVE – My wish for you is to be more open to love, which I think is the most powerful energy known to humankind. Love is offered unconditionally so we don’t have to earn it or deserve it. Love is a gift freely given and is continuously seeking us. The only requirement is that we accept and open our hearts to RECEIVE the incredible gift that is offered.
JOY – I wish for everyone the experience of ecstatic joy through practicing and living in gratitude. When we are able to recognize the many gifts we receive each day, we will experience joy. When we are grateful regardless of what is happening in our lives, we will feel joy. It is because we know and trust that love will see us through when we open our hearts to love’s presence.
PERSISTENCE – I wish for you grace. In Gary Zukov’s book, “Seat of the Soul” he describes grace as “Uncontaminated Conscious Light.” We need to persist in difficult times when we feel weak and helpless. We need to have faith and to know that whatever is happening is for our highest good and that grace will see us through.
PATIENCE – My wish for you is that you are patient with God and yourself (who and where you are in life) concentrating on the positives rather than the negatives and what’s missing. God doesn’t have a clock or calendar and God’s timing is sometimes different than ours. Patience gives us an opportunity to grow and become better vessels of love.
CONSCIOUSNESS – My wish is that we all ask Spirit to help us become more conscious of who we are, who God is and who we (God and us) are together. We cannot allow fear to control our lives and we need to always remember that we have a choice to choose fear or LOVE.
LIGHT FILLED ENERGY – I wish that wherever our journey takes us this year that we travel with our hearts filled with the light and energy of LOVE.
I am so grateful that I changed my thinking about Christmas a few months ago because it worked and I had the best Christmas in a long time. My “First Christmas” in Maui was an amazing one for many reasons. Although I missed spending Christmas with my family in Rhode Island, I felt their love and appreciation across the ocean. We did FaceTime and were able to share the Christmas Spirit with one another. Topping it all off, I received an early Christmas gift with my new beautiful grandson, River
Larry and I had a loving, peaceful day together with exchanging presents, a walk on the beach and a swim in my favorite pool. Then our friends joined us for a potluck dinner Christmas evening. We played games, laughed and had a lot of fun with the white elegant gift exchange. I am so grateful for Larry’s decision to love me and his willingness to do what I needed to do on Christmas day.
Christmas week started with me buying a black and white shirt that said “Good things are going to happen.” The next day I accompanied my friend, Kati, to the Honda dealership to buy a new car. We were there for 6 hours and then went back the next day for another 5 hours. Needless to say, we had a lot of questions! Unbeknownst to me another friend of ours, Zeriah, was also at the dealership wanting to buy a new car.
Being at the dealership for 11 hours, I wasn’t sure if I just caught the “new car” bug or Spirit was guiding me and giving me an opportunity to love myself and buy a new car! I have NEVER had a new car and quite frankly, was always satisfied with used cars (perhaps it was more about settling.) I was driving a 2002 Honda Civic and it was working just fine so I didn’t need a new car. Now, here I was seriously thinking about leasing or buying a 2016 Honda FIT. Folks, this is not like me because I am not a compulsive person, especially about something as big as this. Kati and Zeriah needed to buy new cars, because their cars had died. Zeriah bought her white new FIT on Tuesday and Kati bought her new red FIT on Wednesday.
As I said, I didn’t need a new car, it was simply that I WANTED to buy this car because I knew it would bring me joy and I would feel like a queen driving in it. I had to let go of “old beliefs” that I didn’t deserve a new car and that I was being ridiculous or crazy even considering it. Of course, I prayed about it because I wanted God’s will and Larry and I spent time together discussing it and reviewing my bills.
On Thursday, Christmas Eve, I leased a brand new Blue Honda FIT and felt absolutely great driving home in it as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt empowered, joyful and loved by the Universe. This was for sure the best Christmas present I have ever given to myself. I named her HONEY after my mother who died 50 years ago on January 1.
On Christmas day, Kati, Zariah and I parked our shiny red, white and blue FITS in our driveway. Our friends didn’t know what was going on when they pulled up and saw 3 brand new FITS parked there. I know it is God’s will because of the peace in my heart and that I’m not doubting my decision or feeling any fear. The day after Christmas I received an email from ABRAHAM (a medium) that confirmed my decision to buy a new car just because I WANTED TO.
“Your Inner Being would want you to manifest everything that you decide that you WANT. Your Inner Being would want you to know that you have value and the ability to have or be or do anything. Your Inner Being would want you to fulfill every wish and whim that you could identify.”
Love is our true nature and joy is our purpose. God intends for us to live our lives “awake” and fully alive. It is time to celebrate who we are as children of God. We are here to shine our lights into the world and I am shining my light in a brand new Honda blue FIT.
I hope you all enjoyed a Christmas filled with Love, Joy and Laughter.
I think sometimes we can get caught up in the holiday craziness of sending the right card or purchasing the perfect gift. We don’t notice the opportunity the season presents to give us an intangible gift from the heart like love, kindness, forgiveness and understanding.
We shared in last week’s blog my challenges in hosting a Christmas party on Christmas day for our Maui friends. I think by Pat and I extending love, kindness, unselfishness and flexibility to each other we managed to have a wonderful party that we both really enjoyed. We were happy to open our hearts and home to others who didn’t have family here.
My gift to Pat was to support her desire to host the party and become a happy participant. Her gift to me was to accept all the responsibilities and not put that on me. To allow me to help in a capacity where I felt comfortable and not stressed out. This worked out beautifully for both of us.
We were able to listen to each other, hear and understand each other’s feelings and because of our love we were flexible and allowed the party to become a reality and everyone benefited from it.
I don’t want you to misunderstand, I still don’t like hosting parties or other functions but for one night I was able to put my fears and attitudes aside. This makes sense because I try to live in the present, one day at a time. I really enjoyed seeing Pat be hostess, laughing and enjoying herself so much.
I offer you this gift: Look For Love Because Love Is Looking For You.
I recently looked up the definition of compatibility. It is the “ability to exist and perform in harmonious or agreeable combination.”
I have never been in a relationship that is more compatible that I am with Larry. We always comment to one another how well we get along. We not only love one another, but we like each other, support each other’s journey, enjoy each other’s company, laugh at each other’s silly jokes and find it easy to talk to one another. We respect each other’s opinions, even when we disagree about something. We cherish each other for who we are and give each other the freedom to be ourselves. We strive to be authentic with one another and share our feelings openly and honestly. We listen to one another and communicate well.
Compatibility is much more than just getting along with your partner. It is knowing that your partner has compatible moral values and opinions on the most important issues in your life. Larry and I complement each other spiritually, intellectually, physically and emotionally. We each have our own interests, as well as similar interests that we do together. Our temperaments are very similar in that we both like relaxing, naps and just doing nothing.
Something came up for us this week that we were able to communicate about and work through because of our willingness to be honest and share what is important to us. I have shared in another blog that I will not be returning to Rhode Island for Christmas. This is the first year ever that I will not be spending it with my children. I have made this choice because I wanted to and believe it is what I am meant to do. Larry and I want to make new traditions together for Christmas.
I suggested to Larry that on Christmas day we invite some of our friends to our home who don’t have family here for a potluck. He seemed agreeable and we started to invite our friends over. Everyone was happy to be invited and to share it with us.
I felt surprised when Larry shared his feelings with me this week because they were not compatible with mine. We both had different “needs and wants” for Christmas day. He was clearly not excited about having people over like I was. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the people we invited over, he really did. He shared how stressful it is because of his past experiences of being in the catering business. He told me, “I am agreeable to do this because I love you and know it is important to you, especially your first Christmas away from your family.”
I was quiet and listened to his feelings and tried to be as understanding as I could be. Although I was grateful for his honesty in sharing his thoughts and feelings with me, I felt disappointed and wondered what the best thing to do would be for both of us. I didn’t want him to be stressed that we were having a party and I wanted to support him and his needs. I also wanted to support me and my needs to have friends over.
I sensed this was an opportunity for me to grow and to let go of old codependent behaviors and beliefs. For so many years, I felt responsible for my loved ones behaviors and feelings and thought their behavior was a reflection on me. Today I know I am not responsible for Larry’s feelings and behaviors and I don’t have to fix or change him. I am responsible for my own behaviors and feelings and keeping my vibration high. I choose to live in peace and joy by practicing detachment with love. I prayed and asked God for help in how to handle this situation.
At first I thought the best thing to do would be to say nothing to Larry and just move forward with the plans. I didn’t want to escalate it or make it worse for him. I then decided to ask him, “How can I help you get what you want and your needs met and feel less stressed?”
It looks like I have a “challenge” and an “opportunity” to grow at the same time when it comes to socializing and partying. I find this very stressful because of my past history of being in the food industry for 32 years (16 year’s operating a catering business and 16 years as a manager of an industrial cafeteria). Planning and providing food for clients’ special occasions was a stressful and demanding career. In the catering business you are judged by how satisfied your customers are with their events. As the owner of the business, I felt responsible and strived to have everything perfect. It was a reflection on me if something went wrong.
When I retired, I promised myself that 32 years of this kind of stress was enough and that I would not allow myself to experience stressful situations like this again. For 14 years, I have been successful at doing this until now.
I think Pat and I are very compatible and this situation offers us an opportunity to be flexible, loving and understanding with each other. I know that we will figure it out and both benefit from the opportunity.
This is Pat’s first time away from family during the Christmas holidays and I wanted to be as supportive as possible. She has a desire to have a party on Christmas day and I would have been happy to take in a movie and dinner or take everybody out to a restaurant.
When Pat suggested “Let’s have a party” my stress button automatically kicked in because I didn’t want to feel that kind of pressure again and put myself in a situation where my actions could be judged as successful or failure.
For most of my life I would be alright with just going along with what someone else wanted because it wasn’t worth the hassle for me to complain. I may not have even known what I wanted. Now as I’m learning to love myself and become more conscious, when I don’t want to do something and I am not happy with a situation, I bring it up for discussion.
Although I wanted to support Pat and not disappoint her, I decided to be honest and shared my feelings with her. I thought perhaps she didn’t understand the magnitude of the stress I experienced all those years in my profession. I felt frustrated and fearful because I didn’t want to be put in that vulnerable position of the possibility of failure again. Yet, I had agreed to have a party for Christmas as a sign of my love for Pat and to be willing to face and heal my past.
When Pat asked me “How can I help you get what you want and your needs met and feel less stressed,” I didn’t even have an answer for her. We discussed my feeling “responsible” for everything and having to do things perfectly. I acknowledged that if I changed the belief that I have to do everything so that it will be perfect, I would feel less stressed.
Pat and I agreed that she will “shoulder” all the stress by planning and purchasing all the supplies, food and drinks. Sounds like a good plan to me because after all it was her idea. LOL I am confident that we will work this out because “love conquers all.” We will work together one moment at a time and Christmas and the party will be fine.
Whichever way you are celebrating the holidays, regardless of how you picture God welcome everyone with love, forgive everyone with love and open your hearts to the greatest gift possible, THE GIFT OF LOVE.
WITH FAITH, I FIRST BELIEVE, THEN I SEE
“Some say seeing is believing, but my spiritual self first believes, then sees. Faith does not require that I know all the steps before I begin my journey. I pray with faith, and then open my mind and heart to guidance. My faith is confirmed every day. I follow through on my guidance. As I am led, I act; I put my feet under my prayers. First I believe, and then I see.” Daily Word
As I pondered these words from the Daily Word, I thought about my own faith life and connection to Source. Someone I didn’t know very well surprised me by saying, “Pat is an amazing manifestor and always gets what she wants.” I don’t agree that I always get what I want, because I don’t. I do get what I need. What I agree with is that I do know how to manifest because I FIRST BELIEVE, THEN I SEE.
As I have shared in other blogs, my passion is to paint and I love to paint ocean scenes. I really don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m allowing my paintings to come from within and have fun. I wanted to find a teacher that would teach me some techniques and that I could afford. Here is an example of how I manifested the perfect painting teacher this week.
Just the day before I manifested the teacher, I was sharing with a friend that I wanted to find a painting teacher. We both agreed that the teacher would “show up.” I BELIEVED that the teacher would show up and was quite happy when she “showed up” the very next day.
Larry and I went out to lunch with our friends, Carol and John, and afterwards stopped to browse in one of the shops in Lahaina. It was a lovely little shop with gifts and beautiful paintings. As I was leaving the shop, I noticed some small paintings with easels on the shelf. I said to the clerk, “I love how the artist painted the easels.” She smiled and said, “I am the artist.” Of course, that opened up the conversation. I said, “Do you give lessons and what do you charge?” She said, “Yes, I do. My specialty is seascapes and I teach technique.” I knew instantly that my teacher had “showed up.” I had my first painting lesson this week and, although, I felt a little overwhelmed by all I didn’t know, I know this is my next step and I am ready for it.
I don’t know why it is easy for me to BELEIVE before SEEING. Perhaps it is because I have been practicing for so many years and I have experienced so many miracles and answered prayers. I have learned to step out in faith and Let Go and Let God Be God in me. I have given up self-reliance, having to be in control and be in charge. I know that I don’t have to know everything and do everything. I believe God is present and guiding me every step of the way.
It hasn’t always been easy for me to BELIEVE before SEEING my manifestation, especially if I had to wait for something I really wanted for a long time. I prayed and waited for Larry for 15 years and was impatient and angry at times when it took so long for him to “show up.” I learned to trust God’s plan and perfect timing in my life. I reminded myself that things would work out for my highest good at the right time and the right way. An important key is thanking God BEFORE what I am asking for “shows up.” For example, I said, “Thank you God for the perfect and right soul mate who is here now.”
It is more difficult to BELIEVE before SEEING when my loved ones or friends are suffering (especially for a long time) and there is nothing I can do but pray for them and love them. My faith is tested, as well as strengthened when I CHOOSE to believe and trust God that all is well and that it is their journey to travel. Life is a mystery and there is much that I don’t understand that things happen the way they do. Perhaps that is what the saying “Live and Let Live” means.
Growing up with a Catholic influence, my faith consisted mostly of obeying rules. I didn’t think about it much, all I had to do was to obey the Ten Commandments and the church laws and I was alright. It seems like I wasn’t accepting responsibility for my life because I was allowing the church to do that for me.
Although I don’t agree with some of the doctrines of the church, I am grateful for a couple of priests who supported and encouraged me to think for myself on my spiritual journey and I would not be where I am today spiritually without them. As the years rolled by I slowly began to move in a new direction. Special people came into my life that were on different spiritual paths, more personal, more meaningful. I started reading books by Gary Zukav, Wayne Dyer, Alan Cohen and Eckhart Tolle, etc.
I see things so differently now, I fully accept responsibility for my relationship with my God, who is not somewhere out “there” waiting to punish me if I don’t live up to his rules. My God is a God of “LOVE” which resides in me and in every person. Anita Moorjani in, her book “Dying To Be Me, ” shares from the other side, “I became aware that we’re all connected. Everything belongs to an infinite Whole. I was intricately, inseparably enmeshed with all of life. We’re all facets of that unity-we’re all One, and each of us has an effect on the collective Whole.”
I didn’t manifest very often because I didn’t understand what it was about. In difficult times, I would ask for God’s help, yet it never really felt like I received any help. When my 21 year- marriage fell apart, I was very angry with God for many years. I felt like, if this is what happens to me when I ask for your help, I can do better on my own.
Now I am living with one of the great manifestors. I was a bit skeptical at first but all you have to do is see Pat in action and you cannot deny her ability to practice her faith in a very real way. When she wants something she just puts it out there and sooner or later she receives her request. She manifested our relationship, the house we live in, the joy and happiness we enjoy and even parking spaces.
I have to admit that Pat has convinced me to try to BELIEVE before I SEE. I find myself getting parking spaces all the time just by asking, being grateful and expecting the parking space to be there. I look forward every day to God’s little surprises.
Pat and I are practicing and supporting one another when we think about our financial future. We have heard of people who are millionaires and still struggle with not having enough money because they are fearful they will run out of resources before they die. I wonder if most or all people struggle with this “not enough money syndrome.” I know we do at times, especially when an unexpected bill comes in. When we become fearful at these times, we remind one another to live in the moment because all we have is NOW. The future is not here until it becomes NOW.
The opportunity for all of us is to live in the moment and believe that the energy and light of love will guide and take care of all of our needs in each and every moment. Our faith and trust enable us to believe and expect that whatever happens, we will be sustained in the moment.
I gave my power away for many years and didn’t know I was doing it. I had an insatiable need to be liked, loved and approved by others. I didn’t realize I was looking outside of myself for love, rather than going within to find it. Do I still give my power away sometimes? Yes, I do, but I recognize it almost immediately and then go within and give myself love and appreciation that I deserve.
Learning to trust myself and my feelings is an important aspect of loving myself. By looking to others for love and approval, I allowed myself to be robbed of inner peace and joy. I heard this quote many years ago and have often said it to myself. “What others think of me is none of my business.”
It’s easy to say it and even really think I believe it, but when the sh*t hits the fan and I feel judged by another (real or imagined,) the real test comes. I had an opportunity last week to practice “What others think of me is none of my business” and it wasn’t easy!
I received an email from a friend with her thoughts about a blog that Larry and I had written. Really, it was about what I had written. Even though she said right off the bat that this was her opinion and to only take what rang true for me, I was still in shock and disappointed about what she wrote. I felt like I was being judged, shamed and that I was wrong for some of my beliefs and actions. Before I sat down to write my feelings about the email, I prayed and asked God for me to see the truth. I wrote several pages in my journal and allowed myself to feel all of my feelings. I then called a friend that I trusted because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t overreacting or being too sensitive.
I shared it with Larry and although he was compassionate and understanding, he had a slightly different perspective on it and was trying to be helpful. At that point, I wasn’t ready or willing to hear what he had to say. In fact, I said, “Honey, I am not there yet, and I need to be right where I am in my anger.” I clearly wasn’t ready to let it go and do a “spiritual bypass. “ I knew I was in trouble and prayed again and asked for a miracle- a change in my thinking.
That night, while watching a movie together, I heard the words in my head, “It’s done.” I knew immediately what it meant because all of the resistance, anger, disappointment and resentment were gone in an instant. I felt completely free. I was truly amazed because I didn’t have to do anything or fix myself. I had simply prayed and asked for a miracle. And I got it.
I always respond to people who write to me, but I hadn’t responded to my friend yet because I wanted to come from a place of love and not anger. I needed to give myself time to process all of my feelings and to find the gift and opportunity in it. The next morning, after I heard “It’s done” it was easy to send my friend a loving email. I thanked her for her thoughts and shared with her the gifts that I had received from her email. She responded and said, “We both received gifts because I had some new insights through all of this myself.” I realized that she was not wrong and I was not right and I was not wrong and she was not right. What a freedom to know that we may have different views and opinions and that is o.k. We can agree to disagree and still love one another.
While I was in prayer and meditation that morning, I heard Spirit say that this was an invitation to believe in myself more deeply and to trust my feelings. That afternoon I went to my favorite consignment shop and what do I find but a box that said, “DARE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.” Of course I bought it and put it on my kitchen shelf to remind me always to believe in myself.
A week later, I invited my friend over to discuss the gifts we had both received from one another. I was completely honest with her as she was with me. She shared that she was triggered by what I said and was able to see a pattern in herself that she no longer wanted. I am so grateful for God’s grace and our willingness to communicate from our hearts. It was truly a “grown up” conversation because we left our egos at the door.
What I have learned through this experience is: prayer is powerful and prayer changes me. My heart knows what is best for me and to follow my heart takes courage and strength. I love myself when I believe in myself and do and say what is right for me. I no longer have to fix anything or anyone, prove myself or take things personally. I just have to be me to make a difference in the world. I trust that everything that shows up in my life is a gift and opportunity to grow spiritually.
How do you give your power away? Here is a list of behaviors, attitudes and feelings that may help you identify where you might be giving your power away. I invite you to pick 2 or 3 behaviors and work on them this week.
People Pleasing – need to be liked and approved of by others. Low Self Esteem.
Staying busy with activity and work to avoid feelings and going inside.
Addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, food, work, religiosity, shopping, cleaning, internet, relationships, codependency.
Looking outside for answers and validation. Need others to tell you what to do and that you are o.k.
Focusing on fixing others, making others happy and then feeling resentful when your needs are not met. Putting others first at the expense of yourself.
Comparing yourself to others – feeling less than or better than.
Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
Beating up on yourself with negative self-talk.
Difficulty saying no without feeling guilty. Difficulty setting boundaries and saying no.
Don’t know what you want or feel – know what others want and feel.
Needing to control others and situations. Overreact to situations you have no control over.
Neglecting your own needs – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Difficulty forming and staying in relationships.
Feelings of sadness, depression, loneliness, anger.
Passive aggressive, passive or aggressive communication and behaviors.
Rigidity in behaviors and attitudes and black and white thinking.
Difficulty having fun, taking self and life too serious.
Feeling undeserving and unworthy
Difficulty asking for what you need and receiving it.
Feelings of inadequacy, despite many achievements.
Pretending everything is ok, putting on a happy face no matter what.
Staying in abusive relationships and work situations.
Difficulty confronting others and speaking up.
Judging yourself without mercy and beat up on yourself for making mistakes.
Living your life from the “shoulds.”
Victim, poor me attitude
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- I didn’t feel guilty of selfish for giving myself pleasure
- I needed to DETACH from my loved one or lose my peace
- Fear was my constant companion
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