I wrote in my journal this morning while in prayer, “It feels like my faith went out the window.” I asked myself, “What happened that I am feeling like this?” And, more importantly, “What do I need to do or feel to come back into my truth and get my balance and peace back?”
I realized that if this happened to me (seemingly out of the blue) who wrote a book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” it may happen to you at some time or another. I knew I had to share it in my blog to let you know that you are not alone and how I moved through it.
I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to show me the truth. I allowed myself to write down whatever was on my mind that was bothering me and was surprised what came up. I have read that “What I think about, I bring about.” I knew I needed to change my thinking and fast.
I began writing everything that I was grateful for and there was a lot to be grateful for. I wrote some favorite affirmations down that I would like to share with you.
I’m exactly where I need and want to be.
My life is unfolding according to a Divine plan.
Doors are opening at the right and perfect time NOW.
All the love, money, friends, soul mate, abundance is flowing into my life at the perfect and right time.
All is well and I am safe.
Only good comes to me NOW.
Fear is useless, what is needed is trust.
I am the creator of my life.
I attract only peace and good into my life.
What and who I am seeking is seeking me.
I stand tall in my own Power.
I trust in the Divine plan for my life.
Everything is unfolding in peace, ease and grace.
I follow my heart in each moment of my life.
I am the beloved daughter of the Father.
God is my source.
This helped a great deal and I felt better when I finished my prayer and meditation. The truth shall set me free. I didn’t need to figure it all out and why it felt like my “faith went out the window.” I just needed to BE with me and love me just as I am. I am reminded that l am filled with infinite potential and “nothing is impossible” with faith. I unleash this potential when I believe in myself and trust in the divine within.
My daughter, Mary, called in the middle of writing my blog and I shared with her what had happened the night before and how I was feeling. I love how I get what I need when I need it. My daughter is a wise woman and she hit the nail on the head for me. She said, “Mom, you are sensitive, just like me, and I am very careful to not allow others’ energies to get me off my center. She talked about the “energy vampires” in her own life and what she does to protect herself. What she said resonated with me and I knew she was right and what I needed to do to protect my energy. When we finished talking, I laughed and said, “How much do I owe you?” I spent the rest of the day loving me and letting go.
When I went to bed that night, I couldn’t stop thanking God for the beautiful day I had. My faith was back (not that it had really gone away) and stronger than ever. Isn’t it amazing how quickly we can shift ourselves when we want to and have the tools to allow it to happen. My friends, Kati and Marise, came over for dinner and we laughed, played, sang, danced and encouraged one another to live our best lives. I am so blessed and my heart sings. How could it get any more magnificent than this?
Here is a poem about letting go that I came across recently that I just love.
SHE LET GO – Rev. Safire Rose
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all of the “right” reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good or it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
In gratitude for all of you who read my weekly inspirational blogs, I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. It is truly my delight and pleasure to share how God “shows up” in my life each week and all the lessons and blessings I receive. I continue to learn and practice the importance of being willing to ask and receive. Is there an area in your life that you have been refusing or unwilling to receive? We can receive everything if we choose it and allow it to “show up” with peace, ease and grace or as the saying goes, being at the right place at the right time. The Universe desires to give us everything we need.
Little did I know that “showing up” and saying YES to that request to speak at United Church in May of 2010, would open doors for me to live my dream life in Maui. I said YES to Ellen (who I had just met after my talk) when she invited me to stay with her in Maui for 2 weeks at Thanksgiving. I just kept saying YES and stepping out in faith (despite my fears) each step of the way. Of course, I couldn’t see the whole picture ahead of me and, thank God, I couldn’t see it because it would have seemed impossible – even for a woman of faith.
I love how the universe works and brings things full circle. I received a phone call from my friend Ruth this week informing me that she will be arriving in Maui for a couple of months the beginning of January. Ruth is the woman who invited me to speak at her church in 2010. I said, “If it wasn’t for you inviting me to speak at the church, I may not be living in Maui.”
As we discussed her plans, we realized we were both arriving in Maui on the same day and at the same time. I am going to Rhode Island for the holidays and returning on January 6th. My friend will pick me up at the airport and, of course, we will give Ruth a ride to her hotel. I am looking forward to showing her around Maui and who knows she might fall in love with the place and move here too. She will be attending my retreat on January 4in Rhode Island.
Here is an example of what “showed up” for me when I asked and was willing to receive. When I hurt my back a few weeks ago, my friend, Kati, let me borrow her yoga ball and it worked beautifully. I used it in the morning and at night and I know it helped my back to heal more quickly. I returned it to Kati last Thursday as she needed to use it herself. I prayed and asked God to provide another one for me when I went “yard sailing” on Saturday. At the first yard sale that I went to, a woman said, “I have one but I cannot sell it until December when I move.” Thank you very much, but I need it now.
On Sunday, when I was returning from church, I spotted a yard sale very close to my home. I perused the yard sale quickly, but didn’t see a yoga ball, so I asked the two women that were sitting together, “I am looking for a yoga ball, would you happen to have one?” “Yes, I have one, but I didn’t bring it with me responded one of the women.” “Where do you live,” I asked. “I live in North Kihei, but I would be happy to bring it here tomorrow.”
I proceeded to tell her that I hurt my back and how the yoga ball had helped me. She said, “You can have it for free. It is brand new and sitting in my closet.” I was more than willing to pay for it and thanked her for her generosity. I gave her my number and she said, “I will call you and bring it to you tomorrow.” Sure enough, she called on Monday and we agreed to meet where the yard sale was held. I got there first and parked my car. A few minutes later, she pulled up behind me and I got out of the car with my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” in hand. I burst out laughing and said, “This feels like a drug deal” as we exchanged the yoga ball for my book. She looked at my book, smiled and said, “I could sure use some faith.” I needed the yoga ball and she needed my book. I may never see her again and have no idea how my book will inspire her faith.
A couple of weeks ago, something else “showed up” in my life that is allowing me to live in the flow and in alignment with Spirit in an even greater way. It is called “Access Consciousness.” I took the training with a couple of friends and am now an “Access Consciousness” practitioner. It has been very powerful and I feel a great shift within myself. I am moving more quickly through things because I don’t have to figure everything out. It has opened me up to limitless possibilities with the question, “How much better can it get than this?”
As I am “recognizing” myself and my inner beauty on a deeper level as a child of the Divine, others are recognizing my inner beauty also. As they recognize my beauty, they are recognizing their own beauty because we are mirrors for one another. Not only do I feel the changes within myself, people (some of whom I don’t know) have noticed and commented about how radiant and beautiful I look. A friend wrote me an email and said, “You are brightening Maui as you allow yourself to express your full-bloom.” On Saturday I found a beautiful angel at a yard sale called “BEAUTY.” She now sits on my altar for me to remember who I am.
“Access Consciousness” allows you to erase what is creating limitations in your life without having to know how this works, or believe in it. This kind of energy healing provides you with ways to become totally aware and to begin to function as the conscious being that you truly are. Consciousness & Oneness includes everything and judges nothing. It’s the ability to be present in your life in every moment without judgment of you or anyone else. It’s the ability to receive everything, to judge nothing, and to allow the entire Universe to be what it is. If you have no judgment of anything, then you get to look at everything for what it is, not for what you want it to be, not for what it ought to be, but just for what it is. From this space you can transform and change all things and create everything you desire in life – greater than what you currently have and more than what you can imagine.
When we are in the flow or in alignment with Spirit, things “show up” and happen with peace, ease and grace. They happen naturally and without effort. My prayer for you is that you will know your inner beauty and magnificence, that you will know you are loved, and that you trust God in everything. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and expect that you will receive it in the perfect and right time.
I woke up feeling unsettled and didn’t feel peace in my heart. I immediately did some breathing exercises and went inside to see what was going on. I felt sad about something in my life that hadn’t manifested yet. I know how important it is to just allow myself to feel and process all of my feelings. In other words, I welcomed in my feelings and didn’t judge or make them wrong. Within a very short time, the sadness was gone and I was back to feeling gratitude and joy.
Is there something in your life that hasn’t manifested yet? It may feel really close that you can almost taste it. You know you have done “your part.” You have released old beliefs, visualized, affirmed, prayed, felt what it is going to be like when it comes about. And now you are just “waiting” for it to come into form because you know that you know that it is yours because it is the desire of your heart. It is my belief that God gives us the desires of our hearts and will come to us in the perfect and right time.
What I don’t know and you don’t know is WHEN, WHERE and HOW it will come about. I know it WILL HAPPEN because it is God’s promise. In this space of “waiting” I am living in the mystery and the unknown. That is not always a comfortable place to be, but a necessary place for spiritual growth.
When I am in the mystery of the unknown and waiting for manifestation, my faith is nurtured and grows because I cannot SEE with my eyes what is ahead. I only SEE with my heart. I have a choice to live in the NOW and the present moment – where there are miracles and opportunities and adventure. Why would I not want to live there? Because I want to control and I want what I want when I want it!
How often do we miss the present moment where God is and where the blessings are because we are focused on what’s missing, and not “what is?” When I become aware that I am not living in the present moment and focused on what’s missing, I see it as an invitation to “let go” of the HOW, WHERE and WHEN.
It all boils down to TRUST – that God Knows Best. Remember the show growing up – Father Knows Best! If I am turning my life over to the God of my understanding, which I am, on a daily basis, I am saying to the God within or my God-Self “YOU ARE IN CONTROL – PLEASE DRIVE MY BUS.” Hold my hand and take me where I need to go, want to go and let it be for my highest good.
I asked myself, “Am I living in Maui because I was able to let go and allow God to lead me, to show me the way? With the grace of God, did I get out of the way and let go of my stinking thinking: I can’t, it’s not possible, I don’t deserve it attitude?” YES, I DID and all I can say is WOW. If I can do it, so can you if you trust and believe. I will continue to do this because it works.
What an amazing week it has been of experiencing God’s presence, miracles and power in my life as I Let go and let God. If you have read my book,” Simply a Woman of Faith,” you know that I am the “Yard Sale Queen.” Most of my clothes are purchased at yard sales and consignment stores and I love the beautiful clothes that fit me perfectly. So it is rare that I buy anything for full price at a clothing store.
My friends and I decided to go to a local boutique that sold beautiful scarfs. I had no intention on buying a scarf until I tried one on for fun. I fell in love with it – I felt like royalty, elegant and beautiful. I didn’t hear God say, “Buy it and I will provide” like I did 20 years ago when $10 showed up in my mailbox after I bought a blouse that I wanted. I just felt peaceful, and a knowing that I would be provided for. I was being invited to trust that the money would come. I am practicing “feeling and acting prosperous” and releasing all of my lack of money beliefs so this felt right. I was guided to step out in faith and buy the scarf before I had the money. My girlfriend also bought a scarf that she fell in love with and we both agreed that the money would show up.
What is interesting is that I had completely forgotten about the email I received that morning from a woman in Rhode Island who plans on attending my retreat in January. She wrote, “I mailed you my $75 check for the retreat this morning.” And guess what, the scarf was $75. Some may call it a coincidence, but I see it as the hand of God affirming that I am in alignment with Spirit and to continue “feeling and acting” prosperous.
My friend, Linda, and I were on our way to the “Old Lahaina Luau” when we stopped to see the famous Banyan Tree. As I stepped out of the car with my beautiful new scarf on, a man sat dressed in white and playing his beautiful harp. He looked at me with such expression and admiration as our eyes locked on one another. With his mouth open, he said, “You look like you are royalty.” I smiled and said, “I feel like royalty.” We hugged as if we knew one another forever. His name was Moses David. We chatted for a while talking about God and this being the time of transformation in the world. We even sang a verse of Hallelujah together. I said, “I am a woman of faith” and he said, “I am here to inspire people and bring heaven on earth.”
It was definitely a” holy encounter” as Linda and I floated away, feeling touched by his presence and his words to us. It felt like we really “recognized” each another as children of the Divine. Linda and I looked at one another and said, “I think he was an angel.” Shortly after that encounter, as we were walking down the street, a man behind me touched my shoulder and said, “Are you a famous movie STAR?” I burst out laughing and said, “No.” I should have said, “Yes, I am “Maui’s Shining Star” (the name of the new book that I’m writing).
This reminded me of the dream that I had in 2005 when I was writing my book and paralyzed with fear. I was climbing a ladder to heaven and when I reached the top, I put my hand out to touch the star. I then became the STAR. My affirmation is “I am a STAR that inspires others to find the God within.”
When we arrived home, we Googled Moses David. Sure enough, there was a picture of him sitting under the Banyan Tree all in white with his harp. Not only was there a picture of him, but a story about his life. A woman had written about her encounter with him and said, “I feel like I met an angel tonight.” What a gift from God. We never know when angels will show up on our path.
“Pat, I am so thankful that you are LIVING YOUR DREAM and that I get to live it with you. So many people have dreams, but you are one of the few I know who actually live them. Maui is your true essence because I have watched you bloom just like the flowers in the photos you send. Maui is a true paradise and it feels like I’ve landed in heaven. Thank you, Linda.”
I am so excited that my friend, Linda, is my first guest to visit me from the mainland. I plan on taking her all over the island and doing fun things like going to a Hawaiian luau, visiting the Lavender Farm and snorkeling with the turtles. We saw our first whale of the season and it was very exciting. We saw the dolphins and were graced with a beautiful rainbow when we started our snorkeling boat ride on the Maui Magic. It is such a joy to share paradise with her. I am sure I will have many stories to share.
I have several stories this week that I would like to share with you where I saw God’s hand at work. I love how the Universe works and gives me “information” when I need it. I don’t call them coincidences; I call them “Godincidences.” For example, I had my last chiropractor appointment last Friday. After the treatment, I stopped at the desk to talk to Dr. Wilcox’s wife, Dr. Gina, who is also a chiropractor. When my friend, Sandy, drove me to my first appointment she spotted Gina’s book, “The Power to Heal Yourself” and purchased it that day. Sandy gave it to me to read when we left the office.
I commented to Dr. Gina about how much I loved her book and how I resonated with her faith walk. That opened up the conversation and we shared deeply about our love for God and doing God’s will. We plan on getting together for lunch and sharing our stories.
I was taken back when she said, “Pat, I have to tell you something. My patient, Andrea, invited me to their next book club study and they are reading your book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I stood there with my mouth open because I had no idea this was planned. I asked, “Do you know how that happened?” Dr. Gina said, “Andrea met you at a water aerobics class a few months ago and you told her you wrote a book. They chose your book for their book study next month.” I remember meeting a woman at the class in the ocean, but hadn’t seen her since that day.
If I hadn’t hurt my back and went to the chiropractor for treatment, I wouldn’t have met Dr. Gina and wouldn’t have known that my book was being read for their book club. I am hoping that I will be invited to join them. God is good.
That same day, after my chiropractor appointment, I met my friend, Joni, at Ben Franklin’s Craft Store in town. Joni is getting married in March and I am doing the flowers for her wedding. We chose beautiful colorful flowers for the centerpieces for the tables. Many years ago, I had my own flower business out of my home and I love to do flower arrangements. While we were there, we noticed floral arrangements that were already made up. I said to Joni, “I wonder who does these arrangements?”
While we were checking out at the register, I walked away for a moment. When I came back, Joni was talking to the woman and asking her if they needed anyone to do flower arrangements (but I hadn’t heard that.) I immediately said, “Are you hiring people to do flower arrangements?” The woman said, “Yes we are, can you send me a portfolio of your work?” I no longer had a portfolio, but told her I would take some pictures of arrangements that I had made in my home.
I had just mentioned to my friend, Kati, that I was open to the possibility of some kind of part-time work (but had no idea what.) I had been praying about it and said to God, “If I am to work, please bring something to me because I don’t want to go out and look for a job.” As I reflected back over the last 20 years regarding my jobs, I realized that all of my jobs just “came to me” almost miraculously.
The next day was Saturday – Yard Sale Day. I found all kind of flowers, vases, ribbons and baskets to play with, especially at one yard sale when the woman said, “I am moving back to the mainland and am closing my floral business.” It couldn’t have been more perfect and what a confirmation of the direction I want to play in.
I went home and made some arrangements so I could send the woman some pictures of my work. I don’t know if I want to work a part-time job or if I will hear from Ben Franklin’s, but I do know that I would love to do floral arrangements for special occasions and custom made arrangements. Kati and I even came up with a name for my business – “Beauty in Bloom Florals.”
After my last blog, my friend, Trudy, sent me an email and said, “Pat, I wished you had mentioned some of the things you do “do” on Maui. You lead women’s workshops and you are writing another book. You also do life coaching. You are one hot mama expressing in this world!” Another friend, Karen, wrote “But you are doing so much.You are inspiring and your words are healing and make me smile. Such joy and freedom of spirit. Thank you both for reminding me of what I am “doing” that delights my heart and soul.
My daily prayer is to be open to receive whatever the Universe wants to give me. Here is a funny story of something I received this week. I went to my favorite consignment store, “Rainbow Attic” to browse around. I was standing in the front of the store when a man walked in carrying a frozen turkey in one of his hands. I had to comment and say something funny about the turkey. He said, “I just got it free from Foodland because I had points and am bringing it home after this. We both went about our shopping and I was at the cash register when he came up to me and said, “I have another receipt for a free turkey, would you like it?” Of course, I said, “Yes, thank you.”
“I am not only a bountiful giver; I am also a willing receiver. When I receive with gratitude, I plan an important rold in the circulation of God’s good. I am open, worthy, and receptive to the gifts showered upon me from a generous and abundant Universe.” Daily Word Nov./Dec.
I wondered what I was going to write about this week when I received an email from a woman in Rhode Island and – then I knew. She asked me this question. “Pat, I have always wondered . . . exactly what are you doing in Hawaii?” Thank you Carolyn for asking the question because it prompted this blog.
My first thought was “nothing.” But that is not the truth. No Thing to means – I am living my life to the fullest, enjoying the beauty around me in every flower, butterfly and tree, feeling pleasure and joy in my body and soul. I am doing what I want, playing and having fun. In other words, I am “Showing up” for life and allowing miracles to find me every day. I am in constant gratitude for the blessings I experience and my heart is full.
What I am allowing is for my light to shine wherever I go and BEING God’s presence in this world. I think I am getting it – I don’t have to do anything, I just need to BE. WOW, isn’t that awesome? It has taken me this long to know and embrace this in my heart. Is this the purpose of life and what life is meant to be? I asked myself, “Is this what God created us for – to live in peace, joy, love and happiness? I have a plaque in my kitchen that reads, “The purpose of life is to be happy.”
People notice when we are joyful and happy because our vibration is high. My friend, Kati, and I were sitting across from one another at the pool, talking and at one point, held hands and prayed together. There were several couples sitting close by chatting with one another. As they all got up to leave, one of the men walked over to us and said, “You are both beautiful. I don’t know what you are doing, but keep it up because it works.” Wow, he as an angel.
I then wondered why there are so many people who are unhappy? I don’t believe it has to do with the amount of money we have or fame or success or anything like that. I know wealthy people who have no peace in their hearts and worry about losing what they have all the time.
Happiness is an inside job, it is knowing who I am and where I came from. It is remembering that I was created in God’s image and God doesn’t make junk. It is knowing that it delights God to see me happy and enjoying my life. This is what we were created for. I want to delight God by appreciating everything I have been given. I think it also delights God when I love and cherish myself.
When I take my walk and look out into the ocean and up at the sky, my heart sings and I am grateful. When I say, “I live in Maui,” I smile and sing and rejoice from head to toe. I don’t know how I got here, other than believing and dreaming for years about it and being open to receive.
I believe that being open to receive is one of the keys. How hard it is for us to receive sometimes because we don’t fee deserving. We block our good, whatever that may be: success, abundance, healthy relationships, healthy body, peace or a job that is fulfilling and you are using your gifts, How hard is it to receive a compliment or receive a gift without feeling like you have to return something?
It is hard to believe that it will be two years in January that I have been living in Maui. I could have blocked this wonderful gift of living in paradise because I didn’t feel deserving or felt afraid to take the leap of faith – and it was a leap of faith, for sure, but it was also saying YES to God’s grace and God’s will for me.
If I didn’t have enough trust in myself and my God, I wouldn’t be living the life I am living. The journey is all about TRUST for me. I choose to trust myself that I am where I need to be and if I am not, Spirit will guide me another direction. I live my life in gratitude. I may not feel grateful at first when something happens that I don’t like or approve of, but I always get to that place of gratitude, because it is my belief that I attract everything into my life for my highest good- and that is help my soul to grow
Spirit revealed to me how I was blocking my good. Here is what happened: I woke up at 2 am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay there full of gratitude for what had happened during that day. My friend, Larry, came over to help me wash my windows and do some odd jobs around my ohana. The ultimate act of being open and willing to receive was when I watched Larry wash my windows as I laid across my bed icing my back. I knew I was receiving a great gift of love (with no strings attached) from my friend. How good it felt to be able to receive. We spent the rest of the day together, playing and having fun. We went to lunch and then had dessert in another one of our favorite places.
As I was thinking about the day, I got quiet and then heard the “small still voice of God” whisper in my ear, “There is more, I want to give you more, but you must let go of and release your guilt. Feelings of guilt block me from showering you with more blessings.” I wasn’t completely surprised because I had just become aware of some guilt surfacing into my consciousness. My life was so good, I felt so blessed and wasn’t doing anything, but living my life in joy, love and happiness. I asked myself, “What had I done to deserve this life of living in Maui with such good friends who love me?”
I think the DO, DO part of me had surfaced again and I was ready to do battle with it, because that is not my truth anymore. I prayed, released and let go of all guilt because I KNOW that guilt of not of God. Perhaps this comes from the old saying, “It’s to good to be true.” I now say, “Yes, it’s true and it’s all good.” We don’t have to do, (pushing, striving, performing, teaching) we just need to be in our beauty and radiate our light from within.
What if, just what if we are all meant to live in love, peace and joy and find our passion and happiness within? I am living my dream, this gift that God has given me and I want to be FULLY open to it in every part of my being and soul. I want to appreciate and love everything and everyone I come in contact with. I am saying YES to all that is and all the good that God wants to bestow on me.
How about you? Are you ready to receive? Is there something you need to let go of and release so that you can receive your good?
My heart is heavy as I begin this blog because I would much rather share a miracle or a synchronistic story of how God showed up in my life this week. But as I reflect upon this, I know that I am sharing a miracle because of what I have survived – and am thriving – and inspiring others to do the same. I have had several situations this month where I needed to speak my truth when there was emotional abuse.
I humbly share this part of my life with you, not for you to feel sorry for me or to blame someone, but to share what I have learned, how I set myself free and how you can set yourself free from abuse. I couldn’t set myself free until I recognized that I was being abused as an adult.
I was sexually abused by a Catholic priest at the age of 12 years old in New York. Fifty years later, I and several other women who were abused by this priest brought it out into the light to the newspaper and TV. At the time, he was the pastor of his church and denied at the pulpit that he even knew us and told the congregation that we were only out for the money. It was devastating and painful. Not only did he deny the abuse that went on for 2 years, but denied knowing us. It was like being doubly traumatized. It was not easy to stand up to the Catholic Church and be seen and heard.
With the grace of God and support from family, I sued the Catholic Church and WON. The abuse of children had to stop and the only way to do that was through the courts. The lies, denial and continuing abuse had to be brought out into the open. There were many years of meetings with bishops and lawyers for it to be settled. It took a tremendous amount of courage to bring it all up again and realize the life-long effects it had on my life.
When you are abused as a child, it sets you up for abuse in later years of your life. It is like you are a sitting duck and “abusers” smell your vulnerability. It may not be sexual abuse again, but could by emotional or psychological abuse in a relationship or job. This kind of abuse be me more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what you think about yourself. It can cripple all you are meant to be as you allow something untrue to define you. The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.
Some symptoms of emotional abuse are:
Humiliation, degradation, bullying, discounting, negating, judging, criticizing, domination, control, shame, accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings, emotional distancing and the “silent treatment” islolation, emotional abandonment or neglect, codependence and enmeshment.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself:
Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others? Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you? When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive? Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?” Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings? Do you feel that the person treats you like a child? Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate? Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions? Do they control your spending? Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them? Do they make you feel as though they are always right? Do they remind you of your shortcomings? Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are? Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior? Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true? Do they have trouble apologizing? Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes? Do they call you names or label you? Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness? Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests? Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
As I look back over my life, I see clearly how emotional abuse continued for years because I didn’t recognize it as abuse because it was so familiar. It took me years to leave a marriage, a Christian community and a job that was abusive. Because of ignorance, fear and not believing in myself, I didn’t have a voice to speak my truth.
Today, I am happy to say that I have a voice and can spot abuse immediately and speak up to people who are abusive. I was determined to be healthy and do whatever I needed to do to heal from the abuse. I went into therapy, did energy work, attended support groups, left the church, forgave the abusers, and read books. You name it, I did it and it was worth it because I have been set free to be the woman God created me to be and to live my dream. Today, I help others to set themselves free.
It has taken me years, but I no longer accept unacceptable behaviors or stay in unhealthy relationships or jobs because I love myself enough and know that I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and so do you.
I recently came across a couple of quotes that spoke to my heart. “When all things align and power is at hand, your voice comes surely and strong. And you say what you mean, and the things that you say, are heard as your truth.” Author unknown
“Your soul has its own song. All of your life lessons help you get back in touch with the music of your soul. Authentic self-expression brings healing, release, and relief. Remember your song, and you will become magnetic and compelling. You will also find peace within yourself.” Alan Cohen – Wisdom of the Heart
It is good to see the TRUTH of who I am and who I have become. I am a strong, loving, spiritual woman of God who follows her heart and intuition. Today my voice is heard and I sing my song and the music of my soul. It is so empowering to speak up when I need to and stay away from toxic people.
I encourage you to see the truth of who you are and where you have come from.
I am so committed to my spiritual growth of transformation and seeing what needs to be changed in me that I had forgotten how strong I really am. I am wondering if that is true for you also.
I woke up early on Saturday morning and felt like Spirit “hit me between the eyes.” Have you ever felt like this? Spirit was inviting me to examine my motives in regards to sending out my latest blog that I had just finished a few days ago. I had to ask myself the real reason I wrote it and what I hoped to receive. I realized that my motive was because I wanted to receive your approval. I knew I needed to delete the blog and start all over again, which I am now doing.
Have you ever experienced getting 99% positive feedback about something you did, perhaps a project at work or remarks from a teacher or something new that you just tried and the 1% negative remark is what you focused on? It seems absurd, but I bet that many of us have had that experience at one time or another in our lives. Perhaps as a youngster on your report card you got all A’s and one B. Instead of acknowledging the hard work it took to get all A’s your parents wanted to know why you got the one B? I’m wondering if we were being set up to get hooked into behaviors of perfectionism and not being good enough?
I know in my heart of hearts that I am doing my life’s work by living my life to the fullest, being open to receiving more good, trusting God in all my affairs and then sharing how God miraculously and ordinarily shows up in my life. It is my delight and joy to share these blogs every week to inspire you so you can experience God in a deeper way and to know that you are not alone. I am as honest and authentic as I can be, even when or especially when my stuff comes up. I know what I need to write about when I say to God, “You really don’t want me to share this, do you?” The answer is always, “Yes, I do.”
Even though I know in my heart that I am doing God’s will by writing the weekly blogs, I asked myself, “Why was I about to give my power away by wanting and asking for your approval? Because I am human, because I still need healing and transformation? Probably both.
I am grateful to Spirit for “hitting me between the eyes” and revealing to me my real motives for what I was about to send out to you and showing me the truth. Let me explain. I received a comment from a reader of my blogs that was disturbing and I felt angry and hurt by the comment. I started to question myself and what I was doing and, consequently, felt blocked in my writing. I KNOW that it is impossible and unreasonable to think I will please everyone. So, why was I having a hard time with this and allowing this comment to disturb me? Was it like the 99% positive and 1% negative feedback that I was buying into? Instead of being resentful and angry, I am grateful for the negative comment for it brought to light what still needs healing in me. I received a comment from someone else just a few days later that was so loving and uplifting that it brought tears to my eyes. She said, “I love your blogs, your honesty and authenticity and you seem to be so happy.”
Wanting other people’s approval is something that I have been healing from for years, but I guess it is like the onion and you just keep peeling and going deeper until you get to the core – which is God’s love and light. When I know that I am loved unconditionally by God, no matter what I do or don’t do, other people’s opinion or approval of me will not matter. I wish I could say I was there, but I’m not. I am on my way and that is good enough for me today. Because all I have is today, and in this moment, I know I am loved and am happy to be whom and where I am.
Spiritual progress is like a detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface. Our blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed.
I reminded myself that I am on an amazing spiritual journey of self-love, self-discovery and self-knowing, which brings me to a question that was asked of me by my friend, Marise, this week that was very profound. The question was: WHEN DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW?
I had to really think about the question for a few minutes before my answers came up. For example: I KNEW years ago that I was going to write a book, but I didn’t know WHEN – it was someday. How did I KNOW – because everyone kept telling me, “You have so many faith stories, you have to write a book.” Even though I KNEW it, it took me 30 years to begin it and then 7 years to finish it. It was a process of just taking a step at a time, going backward, moving forward, in spite of the deep fears within.
The other area of my life that came up for me is WHEN I KNEW THAT I KNEW that I would live my life to the fullest, with or without my husband. I remember the exact moment and where I was when I made that commitment to myself. It took me 10 years to leave a marriage that was unhealthy and not life-giving.
As I learn to trust myself, God and my inner-knowing, I don’t think it will take me as long to do or be what I KNOW.
I invite you to think about “WHEN DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW?” Ask Spirit to bring to light what you need to know that will help you move forward on your spiritual journey.
Thank you all for remembering my birthday and sending wishes and kind words. I shared last week that my trip to Hana was cancelled and that I trusted there was a reason for it. The reason was revealed because I got sick the night of my birthday and had to rest for a couple of days. I am so grateful that I got sick AFTER my birthday and could celebrate and have fun. It would not have been fun being away sick. Thank you God for closing the door.
I had a glorious birthday and felt so loved and cherished by my family and friends. It started with a text from one of my children wishing me a Happy Birthday and telling me that I was the best mom in the world and the most courageous and inspiring woman he knows. That is the greatest gift a mother could receive from her child and I will cherish it forever. All of my children honored me and sent beautiful gifts and cards that touched my heart deeply, from jewelry to chocolate to money. My friends called and sent gifts that were so thoughtful, like a certificate for Paragliding, a crystal angel, a butterfly bracelet and a lady bug wind chimes. I am so blessed and grateful for the love I received on my birthday.
My day started with my friend, Kerri, giving me a Harmonium energy healing session which was so peaceful and powerful to have this on my birthday. I went to breakfast with Kati at a restaurant overlooking the ocean and then we went to the 4 Seasons Hotel to play and swim. While sitting in the lobby, she read angel cards for me. My friend, Larry, invited me to a dinner celebration at the Palms restaurant which is right on the ocean. I truly felt blessed.
As I took my walk tonight, I reflected upon the wisdom from the angel card reading that I had on my birthday. The first card was to “cut cords from the past.” I had done that already and wondered why this card came up. I think it was a confirmation of what I have been practicing in my life in regards to some of the unhealthy messages I received as a child.
For example: Growing up in an alcoholic home (or any dysfunctional home) there are 3 unspoken rules that you live by. They are: Don’t trust, Don’t talk and Don’t feel. You learn not to trust your own perceptions and intuition because the adults in your life are acting like nothing is wrong in the family. There may be all kinds of problems but nobody talks about them. If you were to bring something up, you might be chastised or laughed at. So, of course, you learned not to trust yourself or talk about what was really going on.
A friend called me this week while I was sick and said, “Can you talk, I am feeling needy.” During the conversation, she said, “I don’t talk about this to anyone.” Thankfully, she had the courage to break that rule and call me and ask for help. I believe we are not meant to walk this journey alone and we need to talk about what’s going on if we are to be healthy and whole. She needed me to listen to her and love her, which is what I did.
I have cut the cords because I no longer play by these rules. Today, I know what my feelings are and when I need to speak up and say my truth. here was a time in my life when confronting another person or speaking my truth really stressed me out. I remember years ago when I spoke up to my boss and how I had to write everything down that I needed to say to her because I was so nervous. Although I may not like speaking up, I do it when I need to and I do it with love. For the past month, I have had the opportunity to speak up to several people who tried to bully me and were verbally abusive.
Living in Maui has helped me to deepen and trust my intuition and what I am to do or not do next in my life. Sometimes, I may disappoint others or make them angry, but I must be true to myself and follow my heart. I pray about everything and know Spirit is leading me on my path. I go inside for my answers rather than looking outside for others to tell me what to do. Sometimes, my decisions don’t make sense logically, but I follow my heart and my gut because it has never taken me down the wrong path. Today, I know I can change my mind (as many times as I need to) when something doesn’t feel right.
I was intrigued when I spotted the bumper sticker on the car in front of me while driving my car into town. It read, SELF-SPONSORED. As a member of a 12 step support group, it is suggested that every person have a sponsor. There is a time when sponsorship is critical to sobriety and I strongly recommended it to all of my clients. In essence, you were accountable to someone who had more experience in the program and more sobriety. It works. So I asked myself, “What did SELF-SPONSORED mean to me?”
Although I have close friends that I share with and run things by, I believe I am becoming SELF-SPONSORED. Rather than being accountable to someone else, I am learning to be accountable to myself-my higher self. If I say I am going to do something or be somewhere, I follow through to the best of my ability. I am responsible for myself in all areas of my life. I am “sponsoring myself” when I trust myself, trust my intuition, believe in myself, affirm myself and take care of my body, mind and spirit. I check in with my body to see how it feels before making decisions and ask my body what it needs in the moment. I follow my heart wherever it leads me. I have learned to say no when I don’t want to do something and I don’t push or “should” on myself anymore. I listen to my body and rest when I need to. It is a new way of life not to push and trust that all things are happening for a reason and that it is all good. My life is peaceful when I allow things to come to me, rather than force or make things happen.
It is my belief that if I am living my life today in love, faith, trust, forgiveness and gratitude that whatever shows up in my life in the future will be for my highest good and I will be taken care of. All I have to do is to be concerned with today and how I am living my life.
I CREATE MY LIFE ONE MOMENT AT A TIME Daily Word
I am created to live life to the fullest in each present moment, and each moment contributes to the substance of my life. The now is filled with amazing opportunities for me to grow and create the life I want. I choose what kind of life I am creating. Listening to a favorite tune, I notices how one note follows the next to create a memorable line of music. Each note and chord occur in the moment, yet they combine to create a complete piece. Similarly, each individual thought, word, and action of my day creates my life. I choose to build my life’s symphony one moment at a time. Every experience is part of the whole. I live an intentional life by keeping my awareness in the NOW.
I woke up this morning and said to God, “It’s the end of the week and I don’t have anything to share in my blog. I heard God say, “Have I ever let you down?” I said, “No God, you haven’t.”
I invited Angela to my home for coffee that afternoon. I sat there with my mouth open as she shared her powerful stories of how God has provided for her over the years. Five years ago, she moved to Maui with her 2 daughters, who were one and fourteen years old. She didn’t know anyone or didn’t have a place to live when she arrived. But, God provided miraculously for her and her children as soon as she got off of the plane. When we started to talk she said, “I think everyone has a book in them and I have been thinking about writing my story.” After listening to her share her stories, I felt excited and knew what I needed to do. I looked her in the eyes and said, “I will help you write your book, I will be your coach.” She smiled and said, “Thank you, I would like that and I will pray about it tonight.”
I met Angela 2 weeks ago when she attended, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” She called me the day before the retreat to see if there was still room for her to attend. She said,” I went to the gym today and saw your flyer. I have never done anything like this before.” We still had space for her and she agreed to come.
I know it took a lot of courage for Angela to attend the retreat because she didn’t know me or any of the other women at the retreat. She was quiet, but had a beautiful smile that lit up her whole face. She said she loved the retreat.
I received an email from Angela a few days after the retreat. She wrote, “Pat, I just wanted to share something really awesome. When I saw your books on the table at the retreat, I thought to myself, “This book looks familiar and I wonder if I have it at home?” So after our women’s retreat, I went to my book case and there it was. I am not exactly sure how I got it, however, I have it and I’m reading it. I just think that even before we met we were connecting.
During our time together at my home, Angela remembered where she got my book from. She said, “A week before the retreat, I went to the library and at the front of the library they have books for sale. Your book jumped out at me and I bought it. I don’t always read the books I buy right away, but know that when I do read them, it is what I need to read. I put your book on my book shelf.” She also shared she had a gym membership, but hadn’t used it until the day she saw the flyer. She said, “Something told me I needed to be there because I want to learn how to love myself.” She managed to find a babysitter for her daughter at the last minute. She prayed about it and is excited about me helping her move forward in telling her story of God’s love.
I shared in last week’s blog about the “house swap” to Hana next week. The day after I sent out my blog, I received a call from Carol telling me her landlord was upset about her having friends stay at her place and she was unable to “swap houses.” I felt disappointed, but trusted that God had a better plan and stayed grateful. I remember reading “Disappointments are God’s appointments.”
Kati and I decided to rent a place for two days in Hana. Then, Kati’s landlord asked her to watch their dogs while they were away and would take $200 off her rent. It was the days we were planning on going away. This clearly was a closed door to go to Hana for my birthday. That same day, two other things fell through that I was disappointed about. All of a sudden, it felt like a cloud over my head, my energy was low and I wanted to cry. I knew this was not just about what was going on in my life today. I couldn’t figure out why because I know things happen for a reason and it always works out for my good. As I was driving my car to a breath work session that night, the tears started to flow down my cheeks and it hit me why I felt so low and what this “disappointment” was triggering in me.
For many years of my married life, I didn’t look forward to my birthday because I was often forgotten by my ex-husband. I felt disappointed year after year and it would be the same scenario of tears, hurt, anger and an apology and promise that it wouldn’t happen again. I had forgiven my ex-husband years ago so I was surprised this was coming up now.
What I realized is that I gave my power away for so many years because I expected someone else to make me happy. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that I make myself happy and I can be as happy as I want to be. Of course, when others do something nice for me, I appreciate it and it makes me feel loved.
I knew that my breath work session was going to be powerful and I was ready to feel my feelings and release whatever needed to be released so I could live in the present moment and enjoy all the gifts God was giving me. I didn’t want to live in the past and have buried feelings anymore. As I did my breath work, deep sadness came up that I allowed myself to stay in a place where I wasn’t respected and remembered. I needed to forgive myself for giving my power away and expecting others to make me happy.
During the breath work session, I felt God’s love and presence in a deep, profound way. It felt like something was being lifted from my heart. The next day, I felt loved, free, and playful and I knew there was a huge release. As I was walking to my car from the ocean, a woman in a silver convertible car passed me. I said, “I love your car.” Then I noticed her license plate that read, “Happiness.” I said, “I love your license place too.” She yelled to me, “My name is Happy.” Wow, I knew God was speaking to me.
The purpose of our lives is to be HAPPY. I know I am going to have a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I look forward to sharing it with you next week. When God closes a door, another one is opened. I can’t wait to see how this birthday is going to unfold and I am very excited about it.
Last week I shared about some of the ways I love myself. This week I would like to share about the ways I’ve felt loved, provided for and protected by the Divine.
I left my house early Saturday morning to facilitate the retreat/Play’dom, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” I planned on meeting, Kati, the co-facilitator at 8:45 a.m. to set up the space and get it ready for the women attending. I had ten minutes to spare when I noticed the big “garage sale” sign on the corner of the street. If you have read my book, you know that I am the “Yard Sale Queen” and just couldn’t resist a yard sale. I jumped out of my car to look around the yard sale. I found nothing interesting and walked back to my car. But, to my dismay, my car was dead as a door nail and wouldn’t start. I needed a jump start– perhaps I should not have jumped out of my car!
I looked around and noticed a man walking his dog across the street. I walked over to him and said, “Hi, my name is Pat and I need some help.” I explained that my car was dead and I needed a ride to a house just a few blocks away. He said, “Sorry, but my wife has the car.” I am not in the habit of asking men that I don’t know for a ride, but I was desperate. I thanked him and walked back to my car. A lady was outside on her lawn and I said to her, “I need help.” She was so gracious and offered to drive me to my destination. But, I looked up and spotted Sally, a friend from my dancing group walking out of the yard sale. I thanked the lady and asked Sally to drive me to the house. I left my car there and off we went. I totally forgot about my car and concentrated on the women at the retreat.
Thank you God for bringing Sally at the perfect and right time to help me when I needed it. Thank you God that I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere and had a safe place to leave my car for the day.
The retreat was a success and the women all loved it. We laughed, prayed, danced, sang and healed together. At the end of the day, Kati drove me back to my car to see if it would start. No, it was still dead. I called AAA and they said they would send a truck out in 40 minutes. When the mechanic arrived and jumped my car with his cables, he said, “I’ve never seen this before, the problem may be the starter or the alternator. Lady, you better drive this car right home and bring it to your mechanic as soon as you can.” I knew if I drove my car home, which was 30 minutes away, I would have to call AAA in the morning to have it towed to my mechanic. My mechanic lived a few minutes away from where I was.
At this point, I could hardly think straight and didn’t know what to do. Kati said, “Why don’t you just call your mechanic and tell him what is going on.” It is now 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night and Kati and I are hungry and exhausted. What is the likelihood of my mechanic answering the phone and being there?
To my surprise and delight, Andy answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi Andy, this is Pat, remember me, the lady that bought the 1997 Camaro.” I explained to him what was going on and I was just a few minutes away. He said, “Bring your car right over and I will look at it
Andy’s garage is attached to his home and when we arrived he was working on another car in the garage. He popped the hood of my car and said, “It just needs a new battery and I have one here that is almost brand new. Would you like me to put it in for you? I can have it done in 10 minutes.” Of course, I said, “YES.” I was never so happy to write him a check for $100 and have a new battery put in my car.
I drove away thanking God all the way home for taking care of me in such a magnificent way. It just all worked out perfectly from Sally picking me up and driving me to the house, to Andy being home at 7:00p.m. and having a battery there to put in my car. I love how the Universe works when I trust and surrender.
I shared in last week’s blog about meeting the angel, Heidi, on the beach and that her message was, “Be Yourself and Let Go.” On the morning of the retreat, Kati took her walk, and ran into Heidi walking on the beach. They stopped and talked for a few minutes. Heidi said, “I have some new books in the trunk of my car that I want to get out into the world. Do you know of any women who would like them?” Of course, Kati said, “Yes, I am leading a retreat later today and there will be 10 women there who would love them.” I was amazed when Kati told me the story and how “Heidi” showed up again at the perfect and right time. The name of the book is “Awaken Your Royalty – A playful blending of Body, Mind and Spirit –by Heidi Hohani.
I finished this part of the blog 5 days ago and KNEW there would be another “story” of God’s love to share, but I had to wait. God is faithful because the “story” was born tonight.
My friend, Kati, and I were having dinner together and catching up on the week’s happenings. As women do, we went from one subject to another. I shared with her about writing my blog and was waiting for another “story” of God’s love to unfold. We both agreed it would happen.
My birthday is October second and Kati said, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” I said, “I have never been to Hana and would love to take a trip there. Everybody talks about the “Road to Hana” with the beautiful waterfalls, windy roads and pools. It is definitely a must while in Maui. Kati agreed to check around to see if we could find a place to stay for a night.
As we were chatting, a young woman walked by selling colorful leis. She stopped to greet us and told us her name was “Faith.” We talked for a few minutes and then she walked to the table behind us to greet the two women sitting there. Kati said, “I just heard the woman sitting at that table say she lived in Hana.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “Hmmmm.”
The next thing I knew I was up and walking over to the table to introduce myself to the women. “Hi, I’m Pat and I overheard you say you lived in Hana. I live in Maui Meadows and want to visit Hana for my birthday next week. Do you know of a place we could stay?” After thinking for a minute, I was shocked when she said, “Do you want to swap houses? I am staying with my friend here tonight, but I love to come down this way when I can.” That is how this “Divine Connection” began. We decided to talk over coffee after dinner.
I went back to our table with a big smile on my face and said, “Kati, you are not going to believe what just happened. We have a place to stay in Hana – and it overlooks the ocean.” We call it Maui Magic or “Ask and you shall receive.” We needed a place to stay while in Hana and God answered the prayer. We will be “swapping houses” for 2 nights.
My new friend, Carol, shared with me that she wants to move to this area and this is perfect to stay in my ohana for 2 nights. My friend, Linda, from Massachusetts is coming to visit me in November and Carol and I will be “swapping” homes again so I can take Linda to Hana.
I invited Carol and Sherri to see my home after we spent time getting to know one another at the restaurant. They are both women of faith and were thrilled when I gave them my book. I just never know when God is going to “show up” in my life. I do know that God is faithful. I have a feeling this is going to be a very special birthday. And it has only just begun!
I received an email from Sherri yesterday that read: “Aloha. It was “Divine Intervention” at work last night. I have been reading your book all day and thanking God for making our paths cross. I love your book and I can relate to so many things. Mahalo for taking the time to write it and gifting me a copy…..I’m so thankful to have met an AWESOME lady like you.
As I ponder God’s action and love in my life this week, I am reminded to ask for what I need, have faith, trust God in all things, and to know that I will be provided for at the right and perfect time.
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