As I prepare for my workshop “Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness” this month in Maui, I have been thinking and talking about happiness and what makes me happy. Is it possible to be happy all the time? I believe that happiness is an inside job and it doesn’t depend upon outside circumstances i.e. how much money I make, my job, how I look, where I live, how other people treat me, etc. Of course, being out of work or not having enough money to pay the rent or buy food, or suffering from depression or a chronic illness will make it more difficult to feel happy.
Happiness is a choice that I choose to make for myself every day. I have a picture in my living room that says “The purpose of life is to be happy.” It is a false belief to think that when things change, (a new job, relationship, more money), I will be happy. The truth is that when I am happy, things will change. I asked myself, “Am I only happy when things are going my way and I am getting what I want in life? Can I be happy when things aren’t going my way and there is a lot on my plate?”
I believe the answer is yes if I stay in an attitude of gratitude, knowing that whatever I am experiencing is for my highest good and soul’s growth. It is not easy but it is a daily decision to live in the moment, to let go, trust God, not complain, worry, and live in fear. I have read that we are as happy as we want to be. I don’t know about you, but I want to be as happy as I can be.
I can truly say that I have never been happier in my life. I do believe that is partly because I have learned to love myself and give myself what I need. I have learned to not depend on others to make me happy. Sure, I am living my dream and manifested my soul mate and am living in a beautiful home on the ocean. That certainly makes me very happy – and that took 15 years to manifest. But if I am honest, before I manifested this, I was happy and grateful for my life as it was. Is that the key – to be grateful, content and happy where I am, and with what I have, and still be open to receive more abundance, new possibilities and new horizons in my life?
There are many activities that contribute to my happiness such as spending time and connecting with family and friends, using my gifts in the world, just BEING, seeing a beautiful sunset, playing at the ocean, relaxing, taking a hot bath, sipping a glass of wine over dinner, dancing, getting a massage, writing, praying and meditating, laughing and having fun, reading a good book, swimming in the hotel pools in Maui, eating dark chocolate or a delicious dinner, to name a few.
I recently had an opportunity to practice an attitude of gratitude, even though I didn’t like what was happening and I wasn’t happy about it. I had a mammogram and wasn’t expecting to hear that they found something and I needed to return for another mammogram and a sonogram. At first, I tried to jump over my feelings and went directly to trust. I didn’t want to feel my feelings, but within a short time, the fear, disappointment and anger surfaced and I was able to process my feelings in a safe and loving place. It was distressing because I had a pre-cancerous lump in my breast 20 years ago and I didn’t know if something new had developed.
Once I allowed myself to feel my feelings and to process and release them, I was able to let go, trust and feel happy again. Even though I didn’t know what the results would be, especially since the tests weren’t scheduled for 6 weeks later, I felt peaceful. I could have worried and been sick about it if I had not chosen to let go and trust. Worrying is a form of disbelief and it is not loving myself when I worry and obsess about something.
I had the mammogram and sonogram yesterday and after being on the table for ½ hour was delighted when the radiologist said, “This is good news, we cannot see anything.” During the procedure, I just kept repeating, “Thank you God, thank you God over and over again.
My primary relationship is with myself. Self-love is the baseline of happiness. When we live from a space of self-love, we are able to develop healthy, loving relationships, because our internal feelings of abundance will reflect back to us in the form of beautiful relationships, purpose-driven work and financial freedom. Self- love puts us on the fast track to healing. Our work is to clear out false beliefs about ourselves and shift them back to a loving perspective on life, which reveals our perfection and wholeness.
I believe that the more I love myself, and truly embrace myself as the perfect, whole and creative being that I am – others will return that love. Everyone in my life is a mirror of my consciousness. They can only be as loving, respectful and good to me as I am to myself. When I learn to love myself, I will receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others.
When I am committed to loving myself, living my truth and knowing what I want, I will be happy and attract others with equal commitment. When we truly love ourselves and give ourselves the love we need, we will be so full that when we give to another, we will give from our hearts true love, pure joy and compassion.
YOUR LIFE IS A SACRED JOURNEY
It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous risks, embracing challenges at every step along the way.
YOU ARE ON THE PATH
exactly where you are meant to be right now. And from here, you can go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, beauty, wisdom, power, dignity and love.” Caroline Joy Adams
As Larry twirled me around the room dancing, my eyes fell upon the plaque that hung on my living room wall and I knew I was meant to start my blog with these beautiful words.
Yes, it is a sacred journey and we are all on the path, exactly where we need to be to grow and expand. Sometimes where we are is very scary because change is on the way and we don’t know what lies ahead.
Last week I shared that I was in the wings or the hallway – waiting, trusting and surrendering the sale of my condo to the God within. I am excited to share that it worked out perfectly because God is faithful and the timing was perfect. When it felt right to put my condo on the market a few months ago, I didn’t know if it would sell, but I knew that it was my next right step. Since my journey of faith has been to trust God to open or close the door, I knew I was safe and that whatever happened would be for my good.
I received a text message from my son, Brian, to contact him ASAP. I am so grateful to Brian because he has handled all of the transactions with my condo in Rhode Island. I knew something was up and called him immediately. He said, “Mom, there is someone who wants to rent your condo.” When he told me what they were willing to rent it for, I almost screamed. It was $425 more a month than what I was getting from my last tenant. I added it up in my head and it was over $5000 a year more. The extra money each month will help me breathe easier as it will go toward my rent in that doubled when I moved into my new home on the ocean. I was concerned that I wouldn’t get rent for the month of September (since my former tenants moved out on September 1) to pay my monthly mortgage. I am happy to say my new tenants will move in on September 22.
I am seldom “absolutely” sure of the next right step to take on my journey. Here is where I have learned to trust myself and the God within to step out in faith. It is always about stepping out BEFORE I know the outcome. It would be easy if I knew HOW it would work out or what would happen. I stepped out in faith before I knew where the money was going to come from when I moved into my home on the ocean here in Maui. I prayed, turned over my will and trusted my heart. God has been faithful and continues to surprise me each month with how the money comes in. Of course, it is always perfect timing.
On another note, I would like to share an experience I had this week. Being in a loving relationship with Larry gives me the opportunity to ask for what I want which means to stretch, be courageous, listen to my intuition and to take a risk.
I have learned to focus on “what is good” and not what’s missing in my relationship. My relationship with Larry is very good so I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to bring this subject up. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it was something I wanted him to do for me. I gently and lovingly broached the subject, which we had talked about before. It didn’t seem like he was that receptive at first as he explained his thinking and behaviors to me. But as we talked and he listened from his heart, something appeared to shift inside of him and he heard me.
The next day when I asked him about our conversation about asking for what I wanted he said, “I love you. The way you asked me was loving and I would be crazy not to listen to what you needed from me in our relationship.” My heart melted because I felt acknowledged and heard. This is not what I experienced in my marriage of 30 years – I guess that’s why we are not together any more.
There are many reasons why we fear asking for what we want; we may not want to appear weak, selfish, self centered, needy or incompetent. We may not want to inconvenience or bother someone with our needs. We may not think our needs are important and we don’t want to rock the boat, especially if things are going well in a relationship.
There is also the fear of what someone is going to ask us in return or the fear of being rejected or judged for what is important to us. We may have felt humiliated or rejected for asking for what we wanted in the past so we fear doing it in the future.
I wasn’t taught how to be assertive, direct and ask for what I want. The silent treatment was very familiar to me and I expected others to read my mind and then was angry and resentful when my needs weren’t met. I sometimes used guilt, sarcasm, coercion and dropped hints.
Some of us believe that our needs or desires are inferior to, or less important than, the needs of others. Believing that asking for what you want is “selfish” is a distortion often born out of a lack of respect for yourself and others. A lack of self respect can make you feel unworthy or less important than others and cause you to subordinate your own needs and “not ask.”
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll have trouble getting it and experience a life-long feeling of deprivation, disappointment, scarcity, and resentment. When you don’t know what you want, you won’t realize if you achieve it.
I am so grateful that I have learned (and am still learning) to ask for what I want in a loving and non-threatening way. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT I GET EVERYTHING THAT I WANT. It does mean that I get some things I want and that I deserve to ask and be heard.
Do you know what you want and do you have the courage to ask for it?
When I got my divorce 15 years ago, I found a plaque that spoke to my heart and it said RELAX. I still have it hanging in my living room in Maui to remind me to RELAX.
I have been seeing the word RELAX all over the place lately. Today, I noticed it written on a man’s shirt, I see it in store fronts, on license plates, on a beach umbrella and I hear it in songs on the radio. I asked myself, “What does it mean to relax and why was this word “showing up” in my life now?’
The dictionary says: to make looser, or less firm or tense: to relax one’s grip, to make less strict or severe; soften: to relax discipline, to abate; reduce; slacken: to relax one’s efforts, to release from intense concentration, hard work, worry, etc.; give rest to: to relax the mind.
My mind isn’t RELAXED when I obsess, worry, want to control or try to figure things out. Sometimes I am invited just to ACCEPT “what is” and trust. Here is where my faith grows when I don’t know what’s going on and I just have to let go of the outcome or what I think it should be like. Like the definition says – to relax one’s efforts.
To RELAX is to know and believe that God is in control of EVERYTHING because I have turned my life and my will over to the God within. To RELAX means to be at peace knowing all is well and that God has my back covered. It is to know and trust that God’s timing is perfect and I have nothing to worry about. Worry is an illusion and it is also a choice. I can choose to worry and live in fear or I can choose to love and be at peace. I am choosing love, instead of fear.
I’ve shared that I put my condo up for sale in Rhode Island a few months ago. It has been an “emotional roller coaster ride” and I have had to let go of my control and trust God’s plan and timing. It has not been easy knowing that I will now have to pay two rents since my tenant moved out on September 1 and I don’t know how long it will take to sell. Yikes, money issues or coming from a lack consciousness could make me crazy – if I let it.
I thought there was a buyer and was informed that an offer was going to be made the next day. When it fell through and I didn’t hear anything, I decided to try to rent it again since there were no buyers showing up. Three weeks later, the first person who I thought was going to make an offer came back with his contractor and I was told that he was going to make an offer the next day Talk about having your hopes up. I have no idea what happened, but I never heard a thing from him. Clearly the door was shut in my face! Not the first time.
So right now, I am in the wings or the hallway waiting, trusting, surrendering and letting go. I am not sure what is best for me at this point – whether to rent or sell, so I have asked for guidance. I have done everything I know possible; prayer, visualization, gratitude and hiring a rental agent. I am so blessed that I have so many opportunities to practice what I preach; to choose love instead of fear, to let go, to relax and allow my faith muscles to get stronger.
The temptation for me and for most of us is to doubt our decision in the first place and think we made a mistake. It would be so easy to judge myself because it hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would. Instead of judging or doubting myself that I made a mistake by trying to sell it, I am choosing to TRUST the God within that I am being divinely guided and all is well. I cannot see the results in the middle of this, but I know I will and there will be a story.
I would like to share how God has guided me through the concept of open and closed doors for the past 40 years on my spiritual path.
When I don’t know if something is God’s will or my will, I pray, “God open or close the door.” It hurts when the door is slammed in my face and I’m left wandering in the hallway until the next door opens.
“Closed doors are a valid part of guidance. When God closes a door, it’s because there is another plan, a better plan. If He closes one door, He’ll open another – according to His timing, not mine. I keep moving in faith, even in the face of closed doors.” (Basham, 1975)
I may be guided to do one thing and then when I get there, God has something else in mind. He doesn’t tell me His full plan ahead of time, which is probably good. That’s His way. Mine is to love, trust and follow.
Guidance comes when I move in faith, not when I sit in doubt. I step out in faith, trusting that if I make a mistake, God will correct it and get me back on the right path for my life. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way, but have always been protected and led back to where I need to be.
There seems like there will always be something in our lives to cause us to expand and grow and to trust. I love my journey and I love to share the miracles of how things work out. So, stay tuned because I know God is trustworthy and has my back covered.
“For I know well the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. As I trust God’s plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future, I will RELAX and enjoy the present moment.
I’m on the plane coming home to Maui as I begin this blog. I’ve missed writing my weekly blogs and sharing what God is doing in my life. I don’t know where to start as my trip was amazing, awesome, fun, magical, powerful and miraculous.
First, I want to share what happened the week before leaving for my trip. I had a “meltdown” and called Larry in tears and asked if he would come over. When he walked in the door and hugged me I said, “I am a mess, will you still love me?” Of course, he smiled and said, “Yes.” I felt exhausted, vulnerable and weak, but on some level I knew I was being triggered from my past and something was coming up. The tears were healing something very deep within. I couldn’t stop crying as I thought about some things from my past and the stories I had made up in my mind. I spent the day in prayer and asked God to heal and free me. I clearly needed to LET GO of the stories because they weren’t true, even though I had believed them for so many years. I am so grateful how quickly I am able to process my feelings and allow them to flow through me, because the next day I was back to myself again.
I arrived in Providence, without incidence, for my family reunion. It was wonderful being at my daughter, Mary’s, farm and being with my children and grandchildren. I spent quality time with each one of them and felt so loved. I was there for one week before Larry joined me for the next two weeks. This was the first time he was meeting my children and I was going to meet his children who also lived on the east coast.
Before our trip to the east coast, Larry and I had a mantra that we prayed often. It was, “Our trip will flow with peace, ease and grace.” Larry hadn’t been off the island since he moved to Maui 8 years ago so it was a little stressful for him at first. As we practiced and repeated our mantra, we both became more and more relaxed and peaceful. I know how powerful our words and thoughts are and we GET WHAT WE EXPECT. We were expecting everything to flow with peace, ease and grace, and it did.
Since I had LET GO and emptied myself of what was no longer useful and for my highest good the week before, I was open to RECEIVE all that God had planned for me and for us. When I become willing to let go of the junk (fear, doubt, judgments), LOVE fills me to overflowing. Of course, as expected, EVERYTHING FLOWED WITH PEACE, EASE AND GRACE.
I know that LOVE IS ALL THERE IS. I have been loved and have loved in the past, but I was experiencing a LOVE like I never experienced before. I was very emotional and cried easily whenever I talked about my relationship with Larry and our love for one another.
Not only did I have fun and play, but I gave the sermon at the Unitarian Church and led a workshop for 12 women at my daughter’s farm. My journey to Maui began when I spoke at the church 4 years ago. I shared how I am LIVING MY DREAM today and living on the ocean in Maui with my soul mate. Here is the email I received from the committee after I gave the sermon.
“The rave reviews keep coming in. I do believe we had the best service this summer and will even exceed Jazz Sunday tomorrow. I continue to get calls of gratitude for having brought you in. Your faith just glowed through your sermon and everyone could see it. You are a blessed woman.”
I know that the women who attended my workshop on Saturday were hand chosen by God. I had prepared a talk and schedule, but didn’t end up following it at all. Instead, I was led by Spirit and completely let go of what I planned on doing. I love when I am able to trust like this and allow Spirit to lead. Here is an email I received from one of the women.
“Dear Pat, yesterday was one of my absolute most favorite days. I loved meeting you and everyone who attended the workshop. It was so delightful. I didn’t want the day to end, it went so quickly. I’m so grateful I picked up that newspaper a few weeks ago and saw that tiny little article. No doubt in my mind, it was a Godincidence. You are such a blessing, Pat and I look forward to seeing you again. P.S. I loved meeting Larry too. What a great guy.”
A few days after we returned home, I experienced another “meltdown” or moment of consciousness and truth. I opened my heart to LOVE and in so doing God brought to light some fear that needed healing and transformation. I felt vulnerable, weak, out of control and shame because a woman who wrote a book on faith shouldn’t feel fear. REALLY! With Larry at my side, I allowed myself to cry, even though I didn’t know what the fear and tears were about. I watered the fear with love, gratitude and acceptance, knowing all was well and I was exactly where God wanted me to BE. Larry helped me recognize that my heart was EXPANDING so I could receive even more love. The more I allow myself to be loved, the more love I can give to others.
Through these experiences, God is inviting me to live in the moment and savor the love and beauty within and around me. I am learning to trust even more deeply and live in faith. I know that I am not promised tomorrow and all I have is this moment. So I celebrate and treasure today and let go of worry about what will happen tomorrow or the next moment.
Here is an excerpt from my book that I received 8 years ago while I was waiting for my soul mate.
“I love you my child and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect relationship that I have planned for you. You will never by united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of any other longings or desires. I want you to stop wishing, planning, and allow me to bring you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. I will surprise you with a love that is far more wonderful than you could ever dream of.”
My heart is grateful and full of love. God is faithful and we can trust that whatever is happening in our lives is for our good.
I am really excited and looking forward to traveling back to RI to visit my family and friends next week. We are having our 3rd annual family reunion at my daughter, Mary’s, farm. She is an amazing hostess and cook and goes all out for our reunion. She certainly didn’t learn her cooking skills from her mamma. I am learning from her and now I make what she calls a “Farm Breakfast” in Maui.
Larry will be joining me for two weeks and we will visit his sons who also live on the east coast. I am looking forward to my children meeting him and he meeting my children. After all, for the last 2 years when I talked about my friendship with Larry to Mary, she would always say, “Mom, what is up with you and Larry, you are always together?” I would simply say, “Mary, we are just friends and we are happy with that,” end of story!!! Well, it wasn’t the end of the story, but just the beginning because Spirit had other plans and I had to be hit over the head to see that my soul mate was right in front of me all of the time. I now know that the TIMING wasn’t right and we both had to do some “inner work” to be ready to receive the glorious gift of spiritual love that we are now experiencing.
I am so grateful that I didn’t give up or get discouraged. I kept believing and trusting that I followed my heart when I moved to Maui to meet my soul mate. I trusted that God had placed the desire of my heart in my heart and it would be fulfilled in God’s perfect timing. Of course, there were times when I felt down and even angry that we hadn’t met yet, especially when I saw friends getting into relationships.
I allowed myself to feel my feelings and then moved through them and practiced being grateful for exactly where I was. I have a card that my friend, Mary, sent me that I just love to read. It says: “Good things happen to those who wait.” I am very happy that I waited because I have never experienced this kind of love before.
Many of you who have been reading my blogs for the last few years know my journey and how I manifested living in Maui. For those of you who are new to my blog, I would like to share some of the path that I took to be living my dream.
It started in August 2010, when a woman by the name of Ruth called and asked me if I would be interested in speaking at the Westminster Unitarian Church in Rhode Island. Ruth said, “I saw your name on a flier for another event that you were speaking at.” I said, “Yes, I would be happy to do that and I will send you a copy of my book, Simply a Woman of Faith.”
A few days before I was scheduled to speak at the church, Ruth and I met to discuss the songs and format of the service. When we were done, Ruth said, “Pat, being a woman of faith, what do you want to do next in your life?” I said, “I want to MOVE to Hawaii.” Ruth then said, “Well, I will introduce you to Ellen after the service because she lives in Hawaii.” I smiled and said. “Thank you, I would appreciate that.”
And the rest is history and little did I know that my life was about to change dramatically. When Ruth introduced me to Ellen after the service, Ellen said, “I am stepping out in faith and moving back to Maui.” I said, “It has always been my dream to VISIT Maui.” Ellen looked me in the eyes and said, “You can stay with me for as long as you want and you can use my car while you are there.” She then pulled out a post card from her pocketbook with her condo overlooking the ocean on it.
Of course, I was shocked but my spirit soared because I sensed this was a gift from God. I asked myself, “Would I be able to RECEIVE this gift graciously and say yes?” After all, I didn’t even know this woman and she didn’t know me. After I went home and prayed about it, I called Ellen and asked if I could visit her for Thanksgiving for two weeks. She was thrilled and said “YES.”
This was a big step for me as I had never been away from my children for Thanksgiving and I had never traveled 5,000 miles for a vacation. And on of top of that, I didn’t even know Ellen and I was going to be living with her in her home. I guess you could call that “stepping out in faith” or just a “gutsy lady.” I kind of like “gutsy lady.” What do you think?
“Mother Maui” was magical, mystical and beautiful. Not only was she beautiful with her flowers, mountains and oceans, but there was a presence of Spirit that pulsates your very being. I find it hard to put into words the feelings it evokes in me, other than love, peace and joy. People smile and say hello and there is a feeling of oneness with all.
Needless to say, I fell in love with “Mother Maui” and I think “Mother Maui” fell in love with me. I knew in my Spirit that something very deep inside of me had shifted, but at the time, I didn’t know what it was. When I left to go home, Ellen said to me, “Keep the vision of coming back.” I did keep the vision and returned for 1 month the next year. It was then that I heard Spirit inviting me back to live for 6 months.
Again, I stepped out in faith, bought my plane ticket back to Maui and rented my condo in RI. I learned many valuable lessons the 6 months I lived there. But most of all, I learned how TO BE in the mystery of not knowing and to live in the moment.
In September 2012, I moved back to Maui to live permanently and I have never been happier. The legend is that “Mother Maui” will spit you out if you are not meant to be there. Thank you “Mother Maui” for embracing me to be your vessel of love.
I was delighted when Ruth called me a few months ago and told me she was coming to Maui for a month. She invited me to speak at her church again when I return next week. I will be speaking at the Westminster Unitarian Church in East Greenwich, Rhode Island on August 17 . The service starts at 9:30 a.m. and you are all invited. I am thrilled to be sharing my faith and all that has manifested in my life – all because I said YES to the invitation from God and YES to Ellen’s generosity. The title of my talk is “Living in the Mystery of Faith and Trusting in the Divine Plan.”
While Ruth was visiting here, we talked about our first meeting together before I spoke at the service. What is interesting is that Ruth reminded of me of what I said about wanting to LIVE in Hawaii. I don’t remember saying that I wanted to LIVE in Hawaii. I thought I just said, I wanted to VISIT Hawaii. Be careful what you say because you just might get it! I love how the Universe works and what you think about you bring about.
How do you feel when Spirit brings to the light a part of yourself that is unkind or unloving? Perhaps it is your judgments toward others, your negative thoughts about yourself or others or a behavior that is less than perfect. You may feel embarrassed or shameful and not want anyone to know about it.
Do you believe that when this happens, it as an opportunity and invitation to heal and allow the light of God to transform you? I do believe this. Rather than feel shame (I am bad, I am not enough, sinful or wrong) which is not of God, can you choose to love yourself? I truly believe that self-love is the key to our spiritual growth and enlightenment because as we love ourselves as a magnificent child of God, we will know how to love others (warts and all).
Thank you God for yet another opportunity this week to help me grow and love myself. As a “recovering codependent” (among other things), I am aware today that I had it backwards for many years. I looked outside for love and validation. If you liked me, I felt good about myself and if you didn’t like me, I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t know that the love I was craving and seeking was my own love and it was inside of me all of this time.
Spirit showed me that for many years I gave my power away by thinking others knew what was best for me and that they had the answers for me. I allowed what others thought about me to be the truth and more important than the truth that was inside of me. What I have come to understand is that my truth is what is important and the truth will set me free.
During my daily morning prayer God brought to the light an immature behavior that I was not proud of and I felt deep shame within me. But, it didn’t last for very long because I chose to be honest and vulnerable and shared it with my WOW group (Women of Wisdom) that afternoon. I had the courage to share with them what I had done that I wasn’t proud of. I chose to step out in faith and not worry about what they would think of me or that I would be judged.
I know you are probably curious about what my “immature behavior” was. Well, remember when you were a little girl or little boy and you wanted to get back at someone for hurting you. You may have put your hands on your hips and did a “na, na, na, na” to them. Now, that is fine when you were a child, but not quite adult behavior. I didn’t put my hands on my hips and do it out loud, but I did it in my mind.
When I shared with my group what happened, of course, they were loving and compassionate and didn’t judge me, like I had judged myself at first. They understood because of their own experiences of shame regarding the human condition. Intimacy is as simple as in-to-me-see. When we let people see into us, it shatters the ego’s survival strategy, which is to keep us safe by hiding parts of ourselves, pretending, protecting and defending.
I am not exactly sure how and what happened, but after I left my women s’ group, I felt free and like something had shifted inside of me. I felt more open to give and receive love, especially toward my significant other, Larry.
First, I gave myself love, forgiveness and acceptance rather than to continue to judge and shame myself. I then chose to be open and vulnerable and share my real and authentic self with my sisters. It felt like a wall came tumbling down. When you bring Higher Love to your human condition, it radiates, gushes and effortlessly overflows. You are a love-beam.
When I prayed that morning, I opened up to this in one of my spiritual books (paraphrased):
It is through accepting and even delighting in your humanness that you come to see yourself as Divine Beings having a human experience. When you reject yourself, you cannot know God. Love yourself, warts and all, and you will become the juicy embodiment of God’s love, joy, wholeness and peace. Connection with a lover cannot fulfill you, or cause you to love yourself. It can distract you for a while, but if you do not come to a lover hooked up to Self-Love and Higher Love, you will unconsciously siphon energy from another person’s tank. They will eventually feel drained and they will also be draining you.
You can learn to love and fulfill yourself and you can turn yourself on. I am practicing hitting the Source daily, drinking in the Divine and awakening to Higher Love. You can get so connected to the Divine that when you have intimacy with another, it will seem like a three-way street.”
Do you know how you give your power away? Here are a few common ways we give our power away.
When I am afraid to stand up for myself, set a boundary and say no
When I want to please others at the expense of myself
When I compare myself to others
When I focus on others and don’t know what I want or feel
When I stay stuck in fear and cannot move forward
When I don’t take care of myself and see myself as a victim
Thank you God for bringing to the light what needs to be healed and transformed in me I want to go higher and higher with you and be the vessel of Love that you have created me to be in this world. And so it is!
As always, I learned some valuable lessons this week about the importance of GIVING & RECEIVING AND ASKING FOR WHAT WE WANT. Many of us have no problem with giving to others, but find it difficult to receive and especially ask for what we need and want. It is important to learn how to have this “flow of energy” of giving and receiving in our lives so we can be whole and healthy. When we only “give” and have difficulty receiving and don’t ask for help from others, we actually block the love that others want to give us. Our inability to ask for what we need often comes from a place of not feeling worthy. So we rob ourselves of receiving love and rob others of giving love to us.
My girlfriend, Barbara, from Maui is moving back to the mainland next week. When I moved a few months ago, Barbara was kind enough to let me store my belongings in her second bedroom until my new home was ready. I so appreciated her kindness.
So when Barbara emailed me a few weeks ago and told me that she was moving, I called her and said, “I would be happy to help you do whatever you need me to do.” I called her a couple of days ago and invited her to lunch. Again, I said, “How can I help you, what do you need me to do”? She told me she could use some help cleaning her house.
I went to her house yesterday to help her clean and then we went to lunch. At one point, while I was washing the blinds, she peeked her head into the room and said, “I have had a hard time asking for help and I usually push through things and do it all myself. This feels really good to have your support and love today.” I asked myself, “Why do we think we have to do it all ourselves and that asking for help is weak, bad and wrong?”
I thought about her comment and the people I have counseled over the years and the problems they have had asking for help. I decided to talk to her about it while we were having lunch. I sensed that God wanted me to write about it in my blog this week (especially since I prayed that morning for an inspirational blog.)
Barbara was open to talk about it when I asked her, “Why has it been so hard for you to ask for help?” She immediately said, “It’s a pattern. I learned it from my mother. She never asked for help. It’s also because I don’t feel worthy to ask because people probably won’t want to help me and I don’t want to bother them. Another big part for me is that I know I’m capable to do it myself. And when push comes to shove, I have always gotten it done, no matter what.”
I asked her, “What did you do to move through this?” She was quiet as the tears started to roll down her cheeks and then she said, “Something has shifted inside of me and I was able to say YES to being loved and supported. I felt worthy of having the help.” More tears as she looked into my eyes and said, “I didn’t know how much that people loved and cared about me. I sense my life is going to be different in the future because I don’t have to push and be in control. I like this flow of energy and it can be easy now that I am awake and aware that I am loved and supported.”
Wow, what a blessed and precious moment for me to witness and be in the presence of Barbara’s breakthrough. Haven’t we all been there at one time or another when we didn’t know how much we were loved and supported? Is it that simple that all we have to do is say YES to being loved and supported and ask for what we need? I believe it is simple, but we must do the inner work first and identify beliefs that no longer serve us. We often don’t ask for what we need and want because we don’t know what we want. Once we know what we want, we need to know how to communicate that to another in a way that we will be heard.
I had the experience of asking for what I wanted in my relationship with Larry this week. We both read the bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. If we don’t know what our love language is and what is important to us, we will not feel loved and our partner will not feel loved, no matter what we do.
In his book, Dr. Chapman describes the 5 love languages as being: 1. Words of affirmation 2. Acts of service 3. Receiving gifts 4. Quality time 5. Physical touch
Thankfully, Larry and I have the same #1 love language and that is physical touch. We can’t keep our hands off of each other and we look like teenagers because we are always holding hands. Strangers comment to us that they want to be like us when they get to our age. And we say, “SENIORS ROCK.” Now, I have to admit that is not a bad thing! What is interesting is that I didn’t know that physical touch was so important to me to feel loved.
Pretty close to the top of my list and perhaps equal to physical touch is #3 Receiving gifts. I was clear and communicated to Larry about what would make me feel loved. I told him that sending me a card or buying me flowers or small gifts of love would really light me up and I would know how much he loved me. This is not his love language and what he needs from me.
A few days later, when I went to the mailbox and saw a card addressed to me from Larry, my heart skilled a beat and I said to myself, “He heard me as the tears flowed down my cheeks.” What a gift it is to me to be truly heard by Larry.
I understand why this is so important to me now because my ex-husband wasn’t able to love me in the way I needed to be loved and I wasn’t able to love him in the way he needed to be loved. Perhaps if we had known each other’s love language, we would still be together.
I thank God for blessing me with love and for the grace to give and receive and ask for what I need in my life. Are you able to ask for what you need? Are you open to receiving the many blessings that have your name on it? Like Barbara did, say YES and know that you are worthy of love from others.
As I sat to mediate this morning, I asked God what He wanted me to write about. I then remembered a beautiful clock that hung on my kitchen wall over 35 years ago. It said, “GOD’S TIMING IS PERFECT.” Little did I know then how true that would be in my life.
I read something that same day that said, “You will get there when you are meant to get there and not a moment sooner. So relax, breathe and be patient.”
It occurred to me that we are always “waiting” for something to happen in our lives: waiting to graduate, waiting to get married, waiting for a house to sell, waiting to meet your soul mate, waiting for a new job, waiting for money, waiting in line at the supermarket or your food to be served in a restaurant, waiting for a baby to be born, waiting to leave a marriage that is dead, waiting for your adult children to leave the nest, waiting for chemo to end or start, waiting to lose weight, waiting to go on vacation, waiting to start a new job and the list goes on and on. Are you waiting for something?
When we are waiting for something to happen, I like to think of it as “being in the hallway of our lives.” It is in this place that we learn to trust. One door may be closed and the other hasn’t opened yet. It can be scary because we don’t know when or what the new door will be when it is opened (or if it will be opened.) We may want to control the outcome and try to make things happen. We may complain, get angry, bang on the door to open or try to make things go our way. This can drive us crazy. I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly like to wait. I want what I want when I want it and I can be impatient and ask why it’s taking so long for something to manifest. After all, I think I’m doing everything I know how to do to manifest what I want.
The good news for me is that I am learning the art of waiting, being patient, grateful and trusting God’s divine plan to unfold. It feels so good and it truly is living heaven on earth.
I have been in the hallway many times in my life and have learned many things while waiting in the hallway.
I learned to trust God’s timing
I learned to surrender
I learned to trust my intuition
I learned to let go
I learned to be patient
I learned that I’m not in control
I learned to rely on God’s grace in all things
I learned how to BE and relax
I learned that God’s plan is so much better than my plan
I learned to be peaceful and watch things unfold in God’s perfect timing
I learned to love myself
My personal experience has been that it is only when I am ready body, mind and spirit that I change and consequently things change in my life. I need to learn my lessons and they will take as long as I need them to take. I don’t need to rush the process or judge myself that I am doing something wrong. I need to trust that all is in God’s perfect divine timing.
I stayed in a marriage until I was strong enough and confident enough that I could take care of myself and ready to leave. I couldn’t have left one minute earlier than I did. When a flower is ready to bloom, it will bloom. We cannot make it bloom until it is ready. A baby will not be born until it is ready to be born.
So, wherever you are in your life, whatever transition you are in, rejoice, relax and be grateful for God is doing a mighty work in you and transforming you on the inside. You are being prepared for something new.
I was in the “hallway of my life” as I waited for my soul mate to arrive. Was I always patient and trusting? Absolutely not. As I reflect on the last 12 years, I recognize my personal growth and how I had to prepare myself for the love that God had promised me and for the depth of love I would receive and give to my soul mate.
I would like to share a few things that I did to prepare myself for the love of my life: I put God first in my life, I became my own best friend and loved myself to the best of my ability. I spent time alone playing and having fun. I didn’t depend on someone else to make me happy. I made myself happy because I knew happiness was an inside job. I knew what I wanted and didn’t settle for less. I asked for what I wanted and said no when I wanted to. I blessed others when they had what I wanted.
I am in such gratitude that I didn’t give up and continued to BELIEVE in God’s promise. Because I learned to love myself and follow my heart, I’m able to love in a way that I’ve never loved before and be loved like I’ve never been loved before. Now that is good news!
My prayer for you, wherever you are in your life is that you will continue to trust God’s perfect timing and plan for your life. I would love to hear from you how God has or is working in your life.
My primary relationship is with myself. As I learn to love and appreciate myself, I will receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. I must give it to myself until I am so full and overflowing with love that when I give to another, I will come from a place of love and joy. As I learn to love and accept myself, my energy will vibrate in an uplifting way and, since we are all part of one big energy field, ALL of us are infused and uplifted by me as I learn to love myself.
I love how the Universe works and provides me with everything that I need and in the perfect and right timing. Of course, I love when God provides the big things (like a home on the ocean and my soul mate), but sometimes it’s the small things that get my attention. For example, my workshop, “Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness” was yesterday.
Whenever I led a workshop in the past, I always used a chalk board or erasable board to write on as the participants shared. I thought about buying one, but then forgot about it. My friend, Ellen, arrived first and handed me a gift and a card. She said, “Pat, here is your house warming gift that I forgot to bring with me on the day of your house blessing.” I smiled when I opened it and knew why she gave it to me 5 minutes before the workshop started.
It was an address book with an erasable board and pen in the front of the book. I was able to use it during the workshop to write on as the women shared. It was small but perfect and did the job. Talk about delivering what I need when I need it. Thank you God.
It was an amazing and powerful day of sharing, introspection and healing for the women. The oldest woman who attended was 87 and the youngest woman was only 29 years old. What was incredible was that the age differences didn’t matter because they shared openly from their hearts and related to each others struggles regarding loving themselves.
They were each given a handout and asked to identify behaviors that were self-loving and behaviors that weren’t loving to themselves. Some of the common threads were:
*Not knowing what they wanted and being able to ask for it
*Not loving their bodies and accepting all parts of it
*Not being in touch with their feelings and able to express them
What a glorious day as we danced together in the closing circle to “God meant that I should dance.”
Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness
Connect with Yourself
Slow down and get quiet enough to listen to your Spirit, God, inner guide, intuition and spend less time listening to other people’s opinions or the loud, critical voice inside your own mind. One of the best practices for cultivating the ability to hear your inner guiding system is meditation. If finding the time to sit quietly is not realistic at the moment, an even simpler life-changing practice is to make daily mundane activities—such as brushing our teeth or standing in line at the grocery store—a time for quiet reflection. In these moments, ask for guidance and listen for some clear answers. When we connect with ourselves, it gives us access to an inner abundance of wisdom and knowledge. This inner source of wisdom will always guide us to our best right actions.
Set an Intention to Be Happy
Despite what we may have been taught, happiness is as simple as just choosing to be happy. When we truly believe that happiness is a choice we will instantly empower ourselves in any situation, whether it’s a relationship, job, or pattern of thinking that’s been creating judgments, worry, doubt, fear, or confusion. The moment we choose to perceive things differently by choosing a loving perception of ourselves, others, and our circumstances, we not only strengthen our capacity to feel happy, we also open ourselves up to limitless possibilities where there once was seemingly no solution. T
This is a lifelong practice, because when we’re not monitoring our thoughts, they have a tendency of veering back into fear and worry. One of the simplest and most profound ways we can align with loving perceptions each day is to practice setting an intention every morning when we wake up. This intention can be very simple: Just say to yourself, I choose happiness—and feel it.
Most of us don’t know what “surrender” means. It’s the opposite of the way many of us operate, which is by attempting to control outcomes and situations and to make things happen. In contrast, surrender occurs when we release our need to control things, and instead choose to place a higher level of trust and faith in a power greater than ourselves and in the process of life.
When we tap into this relaxed energy, we allow that which we desire to flow to us in a miraculous way. The job, relationship, or whatever we are envisioning and desiring for our lives is all on its way—and when we surrender our plans for the time line and the form in which we think it should arrive, we allow an even bigger and better outcome to take place. When we are not fearfully boxing ourselves in, we are able to fearlessly say YES to limitless opportunities for joy to enter our lives.
“Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don’t know what lies ahead, I know, and that is enough. Some of my richest blessings are just around the bend – out of sight, but real. To receive these gifts, YOU MUST WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT. “ Jesus Calling
I pray about everything and ask for guidance from God. I then go within and listen for the answer and what feels right and peaceful to do next in my life. I may ask experts opinion when necessary but, ultimately, the decision is mine to make and I trust God for the answers.
I recently made the decision to sell my house in Rhode Island that I have been renting since I moved to Maui two and a half years ago. I didn’t have to sell it now, but it just felt like the next right thing to do. My tenants will be moving out at the end of July. Although I have help from my son, selling my house from Maui isn’t the easiest thing to do.
I was going along just fine with my decision when all of a sudden it was like a switch went off in my head and the fear and worry turned on. Of course all the “what ifs” popped into my head and you know how the mind can drive you crazy IF YOU LET IT. My fears are almost always about what may happen in the future or not having enough. As I believe, I gratefully receive. Worry is a form of unbelief. When I am in the present moment, I am at peace because I have everything I need and that is where God is.
My house didn’t sell when I tried to sell it two years ago and I asked myself, “What if that happened again and where would I get the money to pay the mortgage when I was already putting out so much money to pay the rent in my new home?” YIKES
I was sharing with my womens’ group that I felt some anxiety about putting my house up for sale. One of the women said, “Pat, you need to read your book again and REMEMBER all your stories about how your house sold in the past.” I knew she was right and decided to spend the next day with myself REMEMBERING all the miracles and what God had done in the past.
I knew I also had a CHOICE to escalate and entertain the fear or to choose love and trust God. It was that simple. I decided to choose love and practice what I knew worked to deepen my faith and to trust more deeply.
- I acknowledged my fear and asked God for healing and transformation.
- I spoke to my fear and said, “I will not let you rob me of my peace and serenity and living my dream.”
- I prayed and meditated and BREATHED deeply.
- I repeated, “Nothing can separate me from the presence of God. I am ONE with the presence of God. I am the presence of God.”
- I went within and listened for the next inspired action and then took that action
- I did what made me feel happy, joyful and felt good.
- I did what felt pleasurable – went for a swim, took a walk, took myself out to lunch, took a nap.
- I talked to myself “THINGS ALWAYS WORK OUT FOR THE GOOD” and it’s all for my highest good.
- I wrote a gratitude list.
- I practiced staying in the present moment – gazing at the flowers, clouds, trees & walking along the ocean.
- I accepted “what is.”
- I used affirmations, “Thank you God for the right and perfect person to buy my house and that it will flow with peace, ease and grace.”
- I visualized myself signing the closing papers for my house when I return to Rhode Island in August.
- I watched for “God Winks” and signs from God – and got lots of them.
- I said, “Just for today I will not be afraid or worried.”
- I reached out to a friend in need.
I used these tools as many times as I needed to until the fear was gone. I am so grateful how I recognize the fear and can move through it so quickly. As quickly as the switch was turned on, I have the POWER to shut it off immediately and bring myself back into God’s presence and peace.
To strengthen my faith, I took the advice of my friend and read my book again. There were many stories related to buying and selling houses and how God came through miraculously at the last minute. I will REMEMBER all that God has done in the past for me because God is the same yesterday as He is today and will be tomorrow.
I WALK BY FAITH AND NOT BY SIGHT. I trust in the Lord with all my heart and rely not on my own understanding. I know God is leading me and has me covered. All is well and so it is.
|Stay updated by signing up!|
Listen to Finding The God of Your Understanding
Simply A Woman of Faith
Pat’s book, Simply A Woman of Faith, is available for only $16.45 (incl. S&H).
Click here to order.
- Happiness is a choice
- I asked for what I wanted and was heard
- I had to let go of my control and RELAX
Share This Experience!
Simply A Woman of Faith
PO Box 28844
Providence, RI 02908