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Larry felt disconnected and scattered

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May
22

Mother Theresa wrote, “I am a pencil in God’s hand.”  Today, I say YES to be a pencil in God’s hand.  It is an honor and privilege to be of service to God and to the world.  It is my passion to inspire and share authentically from my heart my journey of Awakening to the truth of who I am and where I have come from.  It is my intention for you to find and connect to the “God within” (Source) and to live your life from this place of love.

I share “my stuff” and my process (which is not always easy) each week to let you know you are not alone as we all experience the same challenges and opportunities because we are all ONE.  I believe that openness breeds openness and we need each other on the spiritual path to be open and honest with one another.  Every step of your journey holds a lesson for you and I am grateful and humbled to share my lessons with you.

I started writing the blog once a month in 2007 when “Simply a Woman of Faith” was published.  That was a stretch coming up with something to write once a month.  In 2010, I started writing every week and have been ever since.  Now Larry and I write and share our journey together.  What a gift and blessing.

Some of you have been reading the blogs since the beginning and I thank you for your support and love. I especially want to thank all of you who have written and shared your experience with us.  If it wasn’t for YOU, we wouldn’t be doing this. It would be a delight and gift to us to hear from you and your experience in reading the blogs, whether you began in 2007 or last week.  We are open to receiving your feedback and love.

If anybody would have told me that I would write an inspirational blog every week, I would have told them that they were crazy. After all, I dropped out of a Bachelors program for a whole year because I was terrified that I couldn’t write a 20 page paper.  Miracles do happen when we are open and ask for help.

Writing the blog is like giving BIRTH EVERY WEEK.  Sometimes, it flows with peace, ease and grace and sometimes the process is painful and uncomfortable.  I am learning PATIENCE and to WAIT and TRUST in God’s timing. God is trustworthy and has never let me down.  Although, sometimes I wondered because it seemed like I had nothing to write about until I sat down at the computer to write.  And then it came as I let go of control and “my plan.”

One of the many gifts that I have received in writing weekly is that I have to PAY ATTENTION to what is going on inside of me and PROCESS it so I can write a message that is meaningful and inspiring.  It has also been a gift to have Larry join me and share his personal experiences of spirituality.  We are forced (willingly) to discuss our relationship and how to grow as a couple so we can be vessels of love.

I am learning to let go of control and what I think Larry should write or not write. Last week, when he didn’t write, I accepted it and supported his decision.  It’s been a great learning experience not to push him and do it like I think it should be done.  Author Kute Blackson writes, “The root of misery is control. Control is the master addiction, the hardest one to give up. Control is an illusion, as there is so much in live that we cannot control. When you try to control what you cannot, then suffering is your guaranteed result.”

Another gift of writing the blog is when I meet someone in the community and they say, “I love your blogs and my husband is reading it too or that is exactly what I needed to hear today.”

I am learning to not be attached to the outcome and results.  Of course, like anyone else, I love to receive feedback about what I write. When I don’t get any feedback, I have to let go of making up a story that people didn’t get anything from reading it. I have to keep my eyes on God and trust that if I am not meant to write anymore, Spirit will reveal that to me.  Perhaps it wouldn’t be good for my ego to get too much feedback. All I know is that I have to accept “what is” and not resist.

So in love and joy, we will continue to write and share our journey with you in hopes it will help you deepen your relationship with Source and inspire you to have the courage to follow your heart and dreams.

Larry

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling spiritually disconnected or scattered. I think perhaps I’m being given an opportunity to learn to accept “what is” and not be stressed over what isn’t.

I’ve been contributing to Pat’s blog since last September (31 blogs).  It seems that every week Spirit will give me something to write about.  I just wait and trust that something will manifest itself and I will be inspired to share it with you. Last week, for the first time, nothing arrived as I waited and the days came and went.  I had a few thoughts and even started to write but after a few paragraphs I realized that I was just spinning my wheels and deleted it.

I manage an ocean front condo in Kihei to supplement my income.  I usually have no trouble keeping it rented until now.  I haven’t received any inquiries or bookings in almost a month which has never happened before.  Our summer months are not filling up and it is a concern because I work on commission.

In the past, my reactions to these two situations would have been very different than they are today.  In regards to the blog, I would have been stressed and forced myself to write something at any cost because I made a commitment to contribute each week.  I wouldn’t want to disappoint Pat or our readers.  I would have felt frustrated that I didn’t live up to my part of the bargain and that I let everyone down.

As for the condo, I would have felt stressed out about not performing and not doing enough to get it booked for the summer.  I would have felt frustrated that I wasn’t doing a good enough job and not being successful and giving my client my best effort.

Instead, what I actually did was recognize that these situations were giving me an opportunity to practice accepting and not resisting things as they are.  In both instances, I didn’t feel like I had failed, but had accepted the way things were and I looked forward to writing in the blog whenever I had something to contribute.  If the condo books that’s great and if it doesn’t, well that’s just the way it goes. It’s not the end of the world.

I’m learning that what I resist persists.  When I constrict, I close my heart.  I’m trying to protect myself from the unpleasant circumstances of the situation.  When I do that, I prevent the possibility of receiving the help the Universe is trying to give me.  When I remain open and accept things as they are, I relax and open my heart and allow the energy and light of love to help me in the situation.

Learning not to resist is a difficult lesson for me to learn because I think I’ve been resisting often during my journey.  It’s important for me to remember how wonderful things turn out when I am able to accept and when given the chance love performs miracles in my life.

 

I was shocked when my friend said I was defensive

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May
9

I am so grateful for my daily “awakenings” because I get to witness what I had backwards for much of my life. I thought if I loved someone deeply and completely, they would love me back and I would be able to RECEIVE their love.

My focus for many years was on the “outside” and taking care of YOU (whoever you were at the time) because I needed you desperately to love me back. I was empty inside and experienced self-hatred, inadequacy and “not enoughness” in everything.  This led to my people pleasing behaviors and approval addiction.  Like many of us, I wasn’t taught how to love and appreciate myself because it was considered selfish and conceited. Instead of selfishness, think of “SELF is ness” which means noticing, accepting, loving, cherishing and appreciating yourself.  It is the grace Of God to the accept ourselves and that allows us to accept others.

It is my belief that the more I love and appreciate myself, the more I can RECEIVE love from another. We are not CAPABLE of receiving love from another if we haven’t learned to love ourselves. Sure, I have experienced love from another when I didn’t love myself, but it was never enough.  It wasn’t until I gave myself self-love that I was capable of RECEIVING the deep love I craved from another.  It all begins and ends with me as I awaken and come home to myself in my body, mind and spirit.  As women, we know how to give. We know how to over-give. But we have no idea how to RECEIVE. We have a serious crimp in our receiving hose.

When my focus and attention is on YOU whether that be caretaking, fixing, controlling or judging you, I don’t see ME and my behaviors until you mirror them back to me.  We know that what we spot in others, positive or negative is a part of us that we have disowned. It can also be called our shadow or blind spots.

It is humbling when God shines His light into my heart and shows me behaviors that I didn’t know were there. It is not always pleasant, but I am grateful because if I don’t see it, I can’t change it.  Years ago, a good friend told me that I was defensive. I was shocked and guess what I did? I defended myself!  I have worked very hard at not being defensive over the years so I was surprised what came up for me recently.

I shared with a friend something I noticed that she was saying about herself that I thought was negative. She became defensive. As I walked away, I realized that is how I used to be a lot when someone tried to point something out to me.  What a mirror she was. I learned a big lesson about the importance of just listening and not saying anything to defend myself.

After I shared the incident with Larry and what I learned, I asked him, “Do you think I am defensive?”  Silly me! He said, “YES,  A LOT.” I was shocked and then he laughed and said, “I’m only kidding.”  I said, “OUCH – please be serious because I really want to know the truth.”  He thought about it and said, “Not much.” I asked, “Where am I defensive?” He said, “Your driving.” I really wanted to defend myself and say, “Sure you wouldn’t like it if I told you what lane to drive in” but kept my mouth shut.

He was RIGHT because I have been defensive about my driving. The truth is that I don’t like to be told what to do. If I was totally confident in my driving, I could let his remarks just float by me, detach and not pay any attention to them.  Instead, my mouth goes on and on.  NO MORE. He can say whatever he wants to. I have kindly said to him, “Honey, if you don’t like how I drive, I would be happy to have you drive.”

Since this incident, I am noticing my “defensive behaviors” in the kitchen when Larry suggests that I do something that I already know how to do.  I think to myself he must think I am stupid. I sometimes react with a smart remark instead of just saying O.K.  I think he is just trying to be helpful and I don’t need to take it personally and think he is judging me.

As I am awakening and my “stuff” comes to the light to be healed and transformed, it is crucial that I continue to love myself and not beat up on myself as I did for so many years.  It’s another opportunity to embrace all of me the positive and the negative because it’s all GOOD.

Larry

I was remembering the other day that when people ask me, “How do you feel today?” My reply is usually an automatic “Magnificent.”  When someone says to me, “Enjoy your day” my reply is, “Thank you, I am” and I really mean what I say.   

I don’t live in a dream world and have challenges just like we all do. I have gray times, times of fear and uncertainty.  I’m traveling this journey just like anyone else but I have this core belief and at that level I feel magnificent.  My question to myself is, “How did I reach this place and why do I feel this way?” 

As I think about it, there are many reasons that I can share.  

I start enjoying each day immediately as I awaken.   

I see each day as a gift. 

I live with an attitude of gratitude. 

I have made it a habit of deleting negative thoughts and negative energy in my life. 

I take the time to enjoy the many gifts that are offered to me each day; the morning sunrise, the sweetness of the morning air, the beautiful aroma of a pulmeria bloom, the birds singing, the sun shining, beautiful flowers all around us, the ocean, the mountains, the sky, etc. 

I have become more accepting and flexible about people and situations in my life. 

I am learning not to judge and have learned how to forgive.  I understand how unforgiveness is like a lead weight that we carry around, we will never be truly happy or at peace until we learn to forgive. 

 I consciously make decisions to eliminate stress in my life. 

I take full responsibility for my actions and with the help of grace make conscious decisions. 

I try to consciously face my fears and eliminate them with help from the energy and light of love. 

I associate with loving people who are actively seeking their truth, as they discover their ways to become vessels of love. 

I give myself permission to just BE. No planned time, open time, time to relax, inhale and let it out slowly, rest, listen to the silence voice of God.  Take a walk in nature, by the ocean or mountains. 

I live with a partner who is loving, caring, supportive, kind, beautiful inside and out, generous and funny. I’m so fortunate to share my journey with her. 

Thank you for allowing me to share with you why I feel so MAGNIFICENT.  Participating in this sharing has helped me to understand how I arrived at this place.  Perhaps reading this may be beneficial to someone else who is seeking to find their MAGNIFICENCE.

 

 

 

 

Larry thought he was the BAD GUY, but he wasn’t

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May
2

I love to celebrate milestones; birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. I looked forward to celebrating our 2 year anniversary of being together. Larry and I talked about going out to lunch and doing something special, but nothing had been planned yet.

We were having our morning time together when the subject of how we were going to celebrate our anniversary came up. Larry turned to me and said, “You’re not expecting a gift, are you?”  I was taken off guard because I hadn’t thought about it and automatically said, “Oh no.”  My #1 language of love is gifts and cards.

We finished our time together and got ready for the day. Something didn’t feel right inside. I thought about an incident that happened with Larry a few weeks ago. I asked him if he would like me to pay for the dance we were going to that night. He said, “No, but it would feel better if you wanted to pay for something to just say, “I would like to treat you tonight.” I understood what he meant and agreed to do that.

At first, I wasn’t going to say anything to Larry about his remark about not expecting a gift, but it felt like an “ouch” and similar to when I asked him if he wanted me to pay for the dance. I decided to bring it up to him and share my feelings. I could feel myself tearing up as we began to talk and I felt childish.

As we talked, I became aware that my emotional upset and tears were not about today but was about my past and being forgotten on anniversaries and birthdays in my marriage.  I was surprised because that happened almost 50 years ago and I have done the inner work of forgiveness and letting go.  I do know that everything that has ever happened to us is still in our bodies and the original wound can be triggered by a present event.

Larry explained to me what he meant by his remark that it wasn’t that he didn’t want to buy me a gift, it was just that he didn’t know if it was expected because celebrating anniversaries was not something that was important to him and his #1 love language.

It is my belief that we are in relationships to heal one another. Even though I felt very vulnerable, I found myself in his loving embrace and allowed myself to cry and be healed by his love. What was significant for me is that he HEARD me and was willing to love me how I wanted and needed to be loved. Even though it wasn’t important to celebrate the way I did, he was willing to do it for me. That alone was a huge healing.

As I sat to reflect on what happened later in the day, I felt some shame and guilt coming up that my love language was gifts. I love to receive and give gifts. I quickly realized that judging this part of me was not what I wanted to do. I needed to love and appreciate  myself and my love language, which I did.

As we finished our discussion Larry said, “I am the bad guy.” I said, OMG (with tears running down my cheeks), you didn’t hear me. YOU ARE THE GOOD GUY. It is your love that is healing deep wounds from my past. I assured him how loved and cared for I felt.

We went about our day and later during the day he said, “I know what I can get you for our anniversary. If you would like, I will buy you new dance shoes.” I smiled and said, “I would love that.” It will be the perfect gift since we both love to dance.  I ordered the shoes and will be dancing my little feet off in a few days

Larry

 

I think the experience that Pat shares in this week’s blog shows how different our perspectives can be and why it’s so important to be able to discuss in a rational manner situations that arise when being in relationship.

Celebrating holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special days are not high on my list of priorities and I have a tendency to just let them go by and sometimes not even notice them. I am so thankful for the life I have and where I live that I welcome every day as a “special” gift.

 

I know that Pat’s number one love language is cards and gifts.  She loves to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.  We are in a committed relationship but we have not had a commitment ceremony.  It’s important to Pat that there be a day each year that we celebrate as our anniversary, so she picked a date that meant something to her. That’s fine with me but I kind of let her remind me which day it is because it does not resonate as a big thing for me. She’s wonderful about that and has been gently reminding me that the date was coming up and asking how we should celebrate it.

 

The other day I asked her if she was expecting a gift. What I meant by asking her that was, “Is this a gift giving occasion or will a card and lunch be OK?”  Her perspective of what I said is different than my perspective. I suppose we could have wasted time and energy contesting that issue. Instead, we chose to listen and support each other’s perspective in an honest, supportive and loving way.  I didn’t criticize or belittle her. I understood her feelings because I know her history. I also felt like I may have let her down by not remembering how important her number one love language is to her. Pat didn’t make me feel like the bad guy. Instead, she communicated that my support and caring love helped her to heal.

 

Relationships are not easy, we have to give them plenty of attention. There are always opportunities to heal and grow. They’re like planting a garden, one has to constantly water and weed if you want it to be successful.

 

It seems like we need to love ourselves enough that we don’t just settle for something or if something is bothering us to sweep it under the rug. It is difficult to bring up an unpleasant subject and we have to put our ego aside and discuss the opportunity in a loving and caring way. It’s important to understand that our partner may have a different understanding or perspective of the situation and it isn’t a question of who’s right and who’s wrong, it is just that we are different.

 

I will try to be as patient as “a soft summer rain” and allow the light of love to show me the way. We will continue our journey together in gratitude, for the gift we are to each other.

 

 

 

I was not a happy camper and was resistant to change

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Apr
14

“I give thanks for DIVINE DISCONTENT-that inner stirring to do or be more. With each inner nudge, I have an opportunity to express more fully my divine potential. I open to my higher voice, the whisper of Spirit in my heart, compelling me forward on new quests and rewarding life experiences.”  Daily Word

Has this ever happened to you? There is a shift in your thinking and you don’t know how it happened or where or when. You may have experienced a lot of “resistance” to something in your life that needed changing (diet, relationship, career, family) and all of a sudden the “resistance” is gone and you are open and WILLING to try or do something new.

I believe that at the bottom of resistance is fear that we don’t know how to do something or that we might fail or succeed.  It can be so overwhelming that we stay stuck and do nothing.  We are not happy and living our dreams, but it is easier to stay stuck and do nothing.  The resistance to change something in our lives may be about not wanting to “go within” and feel our feelings so we avoid them by staying busy, working or eating.

I believe it is my willingness to do something different that is important.  Even a little step in the right direction is good.  Just praying for the grace to be willing has worked for me.  I know it is God’s grace when I am open and willing to receive guidance and God’s goodness. When I connect with the Divine consciousness within through meditation and prayer, I open myself up to more of God’s goodness in every aspect of my life. I experience God’s grace as unconditional love, guidance, intuition, a gut feeling, an inner knowing, strength, comfort, protection or a divine idea. Guidance may come in a flash or it may unfold organically.

For most of my life I’ve been able to eat different kinds of food without any problems. I think I’m pretty healthy, with the usual aches and pains of growing older!  I try to eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly and am not on any medications.

Recently, I started experiencing (bad) gas and digestive problems after I ate. I wasn’t sure what was causing it i.e. lactose intolerance, food combinations, gluten or sugar. I was not a happy camper, to put it mildly. I was resistant and didn’t want to start eliminating foods to determine why my body was reacting the way it was. I knew I had to do something because it wasn’t getting better. In fact, one night I had to sleep in the other bedroom. UGH!  It is interesting how God gets our attention to “wake us up” when we are unwilling and resistant to do what is good for us.  I am grateful that it wasn’t something more serious that got my attention.

I’ve read many articles about sugar not being good for you, especially for my bones which are thinning. My attitude has been that it is o.k. to consume sugar in moderation. I don’t smoke or use drugs so a little sugar every day can’t be that bad for me.  I love my sweets after dinner and didn’t want to deprive myself of that pleasure.  I have been very resistant to cutting sugar out of my diet for a long time, despite the fact that it could be hurting me.

I asked God for guidance to show me what to do to alleviate the problem.  I know that when I “show up,” Spirit always guides me to the next right action in my life. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Teachers are appearing all over the place. I am sure they were always there, but I wasn’t ready and willing.

As I let go of my resistance to change my diet and began the process of eliminating sugar and dairy and possibly gluten, I felt lighter and even excited to explore healthy recipes that didn’t include sugar and dairy.  It is a process and I‘m learning to trust myself and what my body needs.  I realize that what works for one person may not work for me and I must take the time to go within and ask Spirit what is right for me, just like I do in every other area of my life. I treated myself and bought a Vitamix, which I have wanted for years. I made a delicious green smoothie this morning and a decadent dessert with cacao and avocado and no sugar. Who knows I may become “Suzy Homemaker” after all these years.   I am taking responsibility for my health one day at a time and with God’s grace and my willingness to change, I will continue to do so.  Is there something in your life that you want to change, but have been reluctant to do so?   I suggest that you pray for the willingness and God’s grace and you will be amazed at the results.

Larry

Resistance and acceptance have been on my mind lately.  My understanding of what happens when we resist is that we prevent ourselves from accepting an opportunity that has been presented to us.  We may think that accepting the opportunity may cause fear or pain so we try to protect ourselves by closing or restricting our consciousness and heart.

We don’t want to suffer so we grab and hold onto whatever is happening in our lives. We give it a story.  When we do this, it gives the situation power and control over us, which causes more suffering. Once we accept the negative energy and give it a home, it’s very difficult for us to release it. I suggest a more positive way to respond is to accept the situation just as it is. Don’t resist it and stay open. Let it pass through you and don’t hold onto it by giving it a story. 

For example, you might be going to the dentist and know you have some unpleasant dental work to endure. You probably are not going to like it or have a good time, but you know it has to be done. When you don’t resist, but accept the situation as it is and not give it a story like, “Oh this is going to be painful. I don’t like this because my whole day will be ruined,” you will be free to go forward one moment at a time and can allow the energy and light of love to help you with your experience. 

By doing this we allow the greatest power known to human kind to handle it for us.  Don’t get me wrong there still may be suffering and pain, but we simply allow the experience to be whatever it is. We stay open and accepting and allow the power and light of love to enter this situation. By doing this we will find the peace and strength needed to accept the challenge and the opportunity presented to us. 

I had the opportunity to experience and practice acceptance this last month.  I manage a vacation rental in Kihei. I had the unit rented for the full month of April.  About a week before my guests were to arrive I received a call from them.  The husband had a serious medical condition that had to be addressed immediately and they had to cancel their reservation. In the past, I would have panicked and said to myself, “How am I ever going to get this condo rented in so little time? I now have that whole month open and no revenue coming in this month. This is terrible and so stressful. bla bla bla!”  

My new approach is, I’m not going to resist this and I’m going to accept it as an opportunity. I am not going to give it a story and not going to hold onto it. I will just let it happen. I’ll experience my feelings of disappointment and allow them to be. I will trust that everything will take care of itself. I just stayed open and trusted that if it were for my highest good April would take care of itself and it did.  In a short time, I had the full month rented again. 

This is an excellent path to explore when accepting an opportunity or challenge whether it is small situations like going to the dentist, running out of gas on a rainy night, losing your cell phone, or something more serious like the death of family member or friend, ending a relationship, being seriously ill or losing a job.  

Many of us resist not just the negative experiences in our lives, but also the positive gifts, like love, forgiveness and peace.  We may resist Love because we don’t feel worthy or good enough or cannot forgive ourselves for things we have done in the past. We may think we have to earn good things from God or that God is mad at us.  

I suggest that we become friends with Love because Love wants to be friends with us.  Love is like the sun which shines its light on all people everywhere.  Love does not discriminate and wants to shine on everyone. Love is color blind. Love does not judge. Love can only Love because it doesn’t know how to do anything else. Love is always given freely. Love will never turn away from us. It is us who turn away from Love. We don’t Love ourselves so we believe Love couldn’t Love us either. 

Let’s try not to resist, but instead open our hearts to Love. The gift of Love is always there for us and it is never withdrawn. All we have to do is accept the gift and then we will live in the joy and peace of love forever.

I said “OUCH” after what Larry said to me

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Apr
9

When Larry surprised me this Easter Sunday morning on our way to church with a beautiful Lei, I flashed back to two years ago when he bought me a lei on our way to church.  While at the Easter service 2 years ago, the “scales from my eyes” were removed and my heart started to open up to him in a new way. It was a magical moment that I will never forget.

Prior to that time, I had no “romantic” feelings for Larry. He was my best friend and that is the way I wanted it. I love to be surprised and this was one of the biggest surprises of my life. Here was my soul mate right in front of me for 2 years and I didn’t see him. I know it was God’s timing and when we were both ready, the flood gates opened.

Trusting God’s perfect timing in all areas of my life gives me peace. As I look back over some of my major life decisions and choices, I know that if I was meant to do something sooner or faster than I did, I would have. There is no need to beat up on myself or shame myself that I didn’t do or know some things sooner than I did. To live in the present moment and to be grateful is all that matters. Everything happens for a reason and for my highest good.

I am so grateful that Larry and I were both open and willing to allow our relationship to grow to a new level because being together has truly been the best 2 years of my life. I feel so cared for and loved by Larry. And I love loving him.

One of the most important elements in our relationship is our ability to communicate openly and honestly with one another.  Larry and I love to laugh and we are always kidding around with one another. We both have a similar “quick wit” sense of humor and we play off of it.  We learned an important lesson this week about the possible “misuse” of humor.

We were driving in the car discussing an email we had just received about our blog and Larry said, “I don’t want to get a big head.”  I said, “You already have a big head.” He said, “Do you really think I have a big head?”  I said, “No, I’m only kidding.”  I really was only kidding, but how would he know that for sure?

I remember times in my marriage when my ex-husband would say something to me and when I reacted, he would say, “You are too sensitive, I’m only kidding.”  I didn’t know if he was kidding or if he really meant it. We didn’t have healthy communication skills and often expected the other one to read our mind and to know what we needed. There was an element of “sarcasm” in our family dynamics and I was often (unknowingly to them) the brunt of it.

After chatting about the possible “misuse” of humor and still wanting to be playful and joke around with one another, we decided to implement an “OUCH” system, if you will. Whenever either one of us joked around about something and it felt sensitive and we weren’t sure it was a joke or not, we would say OUCH.

This has worked well so far for both of us. Not only have I said “OUCH” when something Larry said didn’t feel good, but he has asked me after saying something that he wasn’t sure about, “Was that an “OUCH?”  With this new system, we can both be clear with one another about what feels good and what doesn’t.

Larry

Since Pat and I have been discussing negative humor and kidding around with one another, I’ve been thinking more about how our society supports negative humor.  I don’t know if women do this but for as long as I can remember (probably since I was a teenager) kidding around, making fun of someone else, being funny at someone else’s expense, (sometimes described as “ragging on someone”) has for many men been a way of life.

Strangely, this practice of ragging or teasing someone has become a way for us to communicate to them that we like them and accept them.  I think perhaps this practice when done to extremes can leave a residue, that left undetected, can become very negative and harmful.  There appears to be a very thin line between teasing someone and hurting someone emotionally or psychologically by what you say.  From the teaser’s perspective it may just be fooling around and funny but to the recipient it can be a very negative experience that can cause them pain and suffering.

As a young man I had a quick wit and sharp tongue.  There have been many times that I have used that talent, as a way to be funny and cause laughter, sometimes at another’s expense and I have hurt someone’s feelings. Realizing that it had become a very negative practice, I have gradually learned to keep my mouth shut (or at least think before I speak.) Here is an example:

Years ago, I lived at a condo resort in Kihei and was helping my former wife (who was the resident manager) with some of her duties.  I was serving pineapple to some of the guests around the pool area.  I had become somewhat friendly with one of the men at the pool.  As I approached him I said kiddingly, “I bet this beached whale would like a little pineapple.”  I was surprised when he refused.

The next day I was speaking to his wife and she told me he was very sensitive about his weight and was hurt by my comments.  WOW!  I really put my foot in my mouth this time trying to be funny.  I felt bad for causing him pain and embarrassment.  From my perspective, he wasn’t very overweight and I was shocked that he would be sensitive about that.  I sought him out and apologized for my insensitivity. He accepted my apology and that was that.  I learned a very helpful lesson and I’m more careful not to put my foot in my mouth and most times, to remember to think before I speak.

I believe it can be difficult for a person when they are on a roll to understand that what they are doing can be negative and hurtful to someone else.  Ego says things like “Come on I am only kidding. That’s really funny, what’s the matter with you? Don’t be so sensitive.  Can’t you take a joke?”

I know that Pat and I will never create an environment where we have to walk on egg shells around each other. We will cultivate an atmosphere where we can tease each other in a loving way. We will laugh a lot, not at each other but with each other.  When there is an “Ouch Moment” we will let each other know, talk about it and not allow a residue to develop into a mountain.

Love is always being willing to say “I’m Sorry.”

Pat, I need prayer now!

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Apr
9

Praying for things that you want gives you an opportunity to affirm your worthiness.  If you don’t love yourself, you will find all kinds of excuses not to ask for what you want or to DEFLECT your good when it comes. This is also called self-sabotage.  Asking God for what you want is an affirmation that you desire and deserve good in your life.

If you love, honor, value and appreciate yourself, you will know that you deserve to ask God for health, peace of mind, happiness, success, healthy relationships, wealth and love. You will be open to all things good that come into your life and support your well-being.

I would like to share a story about a friend who called me and asked for prayer this morning.  Larry and I spend time together in the morning discussing the plans for the day and expressing our gratitude for our many blessings.  Larry had just finished sharing a dream that he had that night (which he will share in his part of the blog) and we were talking about the importance of asking God for help when the phone rang.

I know now it was Spirit because I answered the phone on the 2nd ring and I don’t usually answer the phone during my time with Larry in the morning.  I could hear the desperation and panic in my friend’s voice when she said hello. She said, “Pat, I am so glad you answered the phone, I need prayer NOW.”  I said, “OK what’s going on?” She told me that she had to make a phone call in 5 minutes with an important decision about her career and she didn’t know what to do.

I listened and allowed her to share her feelings of anger, being overwhelmed, fear, confusion and panic. When she had vented and calmed down some, we prayed together and we did EFT tapping. We prayed for guidance and clarity.

When we were done, I asked her if she had read our blog from last week about the power of prayer and she said, “Yes, that is what prompted me to call you and ask for prayer.  I said, “I don’t usually answer the phone in the morning.”  She said, “I know you don’t and it is a miracle that you answered the phone today.”   She started to cry and I sensed they were tears of gratitude because she experienced a miracle and knew she was loved and cared for by God.  She said, “I now know there is a bigger picture.”  I encouraged her to see this as an opportunity for her to set her boundaries and stand up for herself, rather than feeling like a victim and blaming others.

I asked her to call and let me know the outcome of the phone call that she was about to make.  When she called me back a little while later, I could hear the strength and confidence in her voice.  She was able to clearly speak her truth and get her needs met.   We both knew it was the POWER OF PRAYER and that she had the courage to ask for help when she needed it.

After our conversation, I asked myself, “Why do we often wait until we are desperate to ask for help from God or another and experience a miracle?” Could it be our pride or that we feel  unworthy? Could it be that we don’t  want to bother another or God? Are we afraid of what others will think of us?  Are we afraid of being judged or rejected?   I am sure there are many reasons why we don’t ask for help when we need it. What are yours?

I recently came across a poem called “I AM THERE” by James Dillet Freeman. “Do you need me? I am there. You cannot see Me, yet I am the light you see by. Only in absolute stillness, beyond self, can you know Me as I am, and then but as a feeling and a faith. Yet I am there. Yet I hear. Yet I answer. When you need me, I am there.”

Larry

 During one of our conversations about prayer, I mentioned to Pat that I have difficulty praying to God about someone who is very sick or dying or is going through a difficult time, etc.  I refer to this as a “petition prayer”.

 If I believe that everything we encounter in our lives is for our highest good, then,  asking God to intervene would be asking God to change his/her assessment. Would this mean that I knew what was better for that person than God did?  I will send love and light energy trusting that this will help the person in their predicament, but I won’t ask for them to get well or the difficult times to pass.

I had a couple of incidents last week when I asked God for help.   One was in a dream and the other one was with my part-time job.  In my dream, I had just climbed to the top of a cliff. When I got to the top, I turned around and looked down. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to climb down again.  I started to climb down and noticed a large cloth something like a sheet or bedspread hanging down the side of the cliff, so I grabbed hold of it and used it as leverage to help me climb down.  Suddenly the cloth began to tear.  As I looked up at the edge of the cliff, I noticed a metal cross in the ground.  As the cloth tore away, I grabbed onto the cross and began to pull myself up.  Then to my horror the cross began to bend from my weight.  I was really frightened now and yelled out, “God I could really use some help here.”  Then I noticed a small tree growing near the edge of the cliff.  It was small enough for me to get my hand around it as I pulled myself up to safety.  I’m not sure what dreams mean or what value they have al though this dream helped me to realize how important it is to allow Spirit into our lives to help us through the difficult times.   

I manage a vacation rental here on Maui.  I was working at my desk yesterday paying some bills and working on files.  I had a deposit check from folks who will be staying at the condo in the near future.  I put the check in a special place on my desk so I wouldn’t lose it.  I finished my work and turned off my laptop computer. I collected the material I had been working on and looked at the place where I had placed the check. It was gone.  I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it. This was the worst scenario I could imagine and I wasn’t sure what to do. 

I took a minute to sit down at my desk, collect my thoughts and calm down.  I said, “God I could really use your help.  I don’t know what happened to that check.”  Then a thought came to me immediately. “Look under your laptop.”  Sure enough, the check was there under my computer in the back.  Some folks may think that this was a coincidence.  I think it was asking and being open to receiving a gift from the energy of light and love.  Just like my dream, I was hanging off that cliff and love consciousness had my back.  Love always has our back. All we need to do is ask and be open to receive.  

 

If you are standing at a crossroads in your life and fear is your only companion and you are not sure which road to take (whether it be confronting an addiction, an abusive relationship, terminal illness, passing of a loved one), is it time for you ask for help? 

 

Learning to ask for help when you need it and trusting an energy far more powerful than you have ever known is the answer. Take that first step because Love has your back and we are never alone.

 

My break from organized religion was the beginning of my spirtual journey

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Mar
8

I am a “Prayer Warrior” and have been for many years. I believe in and have experienced the power of prayer many times in my life and the lives of others. My life is prayer in action. Unity author James Dillet Freeman wrote, “Prayer is a reaching, and every act of prayer stretches my soul.” I have been the “prayer” and the recipient of people praying for me.  I am comforted when I know someone is praying for me when I need it and feel a sense of comfort, protection and love.

When I am led to pray for someone or asked to pray for someone, it is always a privilege and honor to send love, light and healing.  We are all connected and I believe LOVE is all there is and all that is needed in this world.  When I am praying for someone, I visualize an invisible cord connecting my heart to their heart and I send them love.  I have 2 close friends that have been diagnosed with cancer and my heart is heavy. I believe that sending them love is the best thing that I can offer them.

Worrying and obsessing about a person I love not only lowers my vibration, but doesn’t help them either because worrying is an illusion and a waste of our time and energy.  My responsibility is to keep my vibration high living in the consciousness of love, joy and peace.  It is a decision to let go of fear and trust that God’s divine plan is perfect.

When I am praying for a loved one or a friend, I don’t always know what to pray for.  I am not God and don’t know what is God’s will for that person. I do know that God wants only our good in every situation. It is also my belief that we attract everything into our lives for our highest good – to grow our faith, deepen our relationship and dependence on God, experience a miracle, trust more deeply or experience love like we have never experienced it before.

It is not easy when something appears in our lives that rocks our worlds; like sickness, death, cancer, unemployment, divorce, etc.  At the time, I may find it difficult to believe it is for my highest good and that I attracted it into my life.  I may feel like a victim, feel sorry for myself or blame someone for what is happening.  I choose not to stay in this state of consciousness for long because I believe in God’s goodness and love. It is usually afterward that I realize all the good that came from what happened.

It is important that we allow ourselves to feel all of our feelings and not push them down or judge them because we think it is not “spiritual.” We need to allow ourselves time to grieve for as long as we need to so we will be able to surrender to “what is” and accept our circumstances.  That can take a week, or years or whatever is needed to move through it. We need to be gentle and patient with ourselves.

I have experienced all of the above at one time or another. My mother died when I was 20 years old and my daughter-in-law died at the age 37 from cancer leaving 2 young children and my son alone.  My ex-husband was out of work for a year and we had 4 small children to care for. God always provided and often in miraculous ways.  It was during those difficult times that I really learned to TRUST God for everything.  I encourage you to TRUST that whatever is happening in your life is a perfect divine unfolding that is leading you to the manifestation of your dreams.

When we trust deeply, we will experience many blessings. One of the greatest blessings I have received is the gift of PEACE. My intention every morning for the last 3 decades is to love, to be peaceful and to serve.  I recently added to be happy.  It is my hope that if I lost everything, but I have God’s peace and presence in my heart, I would know that I was rich.  It says in scripture “I have promised to keep you in perfect peace to the extent that you trust in me. ”

I asked myself, “How do I maintain my peace of mind?”

* I stay connected to the God within through my consciousness

* I pray about everything and ask for guidance

* I DETACH when I need to and let go of control and MY PLAN   (I Let Go and Let God)

* I am a detective with my thoughts to make sure they are aligned with Christ consciousness

* I SHOW UP and spend time each morning in prayer, meditation and reading spiritual books

* I ACCEPT “what is” and stop resisting whatever is showing up in my life

* I practice an “ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE”

* I TRUST that God has my back and that I am loved, safe and protected

* I forgive myself and others when needed

* I know the TRUTH of who I am and where I came from

LARRY

I believe there are as many ways to pray as there are human beings.  Prayer is a personal act, for me very private and difficult to write about.  I feel that we all have to find our own way to communicate with our God. 

I was brought up in a Roman Catholic environment where I was taught to say specific prayers for specific services of the church.  I was expected to follow the Ten Commandments, church laws, attend mass and confession regularly and I would get to a place called heaven when I died.  As I grew older, I started to have a lot of questions about life and my religion that I found I couldn’t answer. 

I started to take responsibility for my relationship with God, Spirit, Source or Universe. It doesn’t really make any difference what you call it.  I became aware that when praying in a structured religion, I was mostly asking for forgiveness and feeling like a failure for not being able to obey all the rules and laws I was expected to obey.  I was afraid that if I didn’t obey these rules I would be severely punished.

My break away from organized religion was the real beginning of my conscious spiritual journey. I became aware that I had to take responsibility for the relationship and growth of my spiritual experience. Over the years, my journey has taken me to many places from being very angry with God, to complete indifference, to gently and slowly coming to a place of faith, in a source that has created all things from the energy and light of love. 

I no longer pray from a place of failure and disappointment. I don’t petition the creator and my communication with my God is filled with hope and gratitude. I am always lifted up, never put down. I am encouraged and led to open my heart to the energy and light of love.  I’m encouraged to love myself and by doing that, I will become a better vessel of love to others. I know I am worthy even though I’m not perfect. It’s not about perfection. It’s about being open to the free, no strings attached gift of love.  I look forward to each day’s adventure. I am completely open to learn how to become more conscious of who I am, who Spirit is and who we are together. 

No matter how you pray or who you pray to, I hope your experience is positive and fulfilling, I hope it knocks down your walls of resistance, so you will be able to welcome the gift of love into your life with an open heart. 

Always With Love,

Larry and Pat

 

YOU are the ONE you have been waiting for. Stop looking “out there”

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Feb
22

Alan Cohen in his book, “Wisdom of the Heart” writes “You can have it all. The Universe is capable of answering your every prayer. To RECEIVE your blessings, you must be willing to invest in them.  Your most powerful investment is YOURSELF.“

My son, Tim, writes in his online program Finally Finding the ONE “So many of us are looking for The ONE “out there.”  The truth is that YOU are the ONE.  We will always attract what and who we are inside of ourselves. We attract our reflection. We often want to change our external selves believing that will bring The ONE into our lives.  However, it will just bring someone into our lives that will meet out external selves. Our ego-self.  The core of all our challenges is an insufficient amount of self-acceptance, appreciation and love. Truly loving ourselves is what resolves all of our insecurities.  And our insecurities are what create the bulk of challenges in our relationships. We’re either consciously or unconsciously afraid of being hurt so we create barriers and sabotaging patterns that keep us stuck. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we do two things:  1- We stop responding from fear and protection in our relationships. 2- We stop attracting partners who are operating from fear too.”

As I thought about what Tim wrote and my journey of 15 years of trusting and believing that I would meet my soul mate, I realized that indeed I had learned to love, accept and appreciate myself.  I had found the ONE and that ONE was ME. In my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” I wrote “I have experienced deep inner healing and personal growth in the process of waiting, as well as a deeper relationship with God and a stronger faith. I depend on God for everything and know that He is the source of all of my needs.”

Here is a letter I wrote to myself ( which is in my book) from God before my book was published.

“Dear Patricia, Be at peace, be at peace, trust, trust. Beyond your wildest dreams will your soul mate come into your life. He will come to you. You don’t have to do anything, but just BE. Learn to love yourself compassionately. You are beautiful, cherished and loved. All is well and on time. Practice being in the moment. Let Joy exude from you.  It is your Joy that will draw your soul mate to you. I give you the gift of Joy this day.”

For many years growing up my father’s words to me was FIND YOURSELF.  Of course, as a young girl I had no idea what that meant and I am not sure he knew what it meant either.  I don’t believe he ever found himself, but was probably searching for himself as I searched for myself for so many years.

I have expanded it to FIND YOURSELF, KNOW YOURSELF AND BE YOURSELF.  What a powerful process of discovering, and recovering my true self/ God self/Divine self.  I was willing to do the work of forgiveness and transformation.  It was not always easy and I often felt impatient and discouraged because I wanted it my way. I didn’t want to wait 15 years to attract my soul mate into my life. I had to let go and surrender MY PLAN and trust GOD’S PLAN for my life.  Surrendering and trusting means giving up attachments to RESULTS.  When we have an attachment to results, we have a hard time giving up control and waiting.

I am so grateful that I had the grace to let go, trust and surrender MY PLAN because as Alan Cohen writes,“You can have it all. The Universe is capable of answering your every prayer.” God has truly answered my prayers and I HAVE IT ALL.  I have a relationship with the ONE and that is ME and I have a relationship with my soul mate, LARRY. I continually strive to KNOW and BE myself.

I am sure we have all heard what we see in others is a part of us both the light and the darkness.  I have attracted into my life what was inside of me as Larry is my reflection.  I SEE his kindness, generosity, gentleness, loving, friendliness, caring, sensitivity, honesty, authenticity, faithfulness, openness, flexibility and his desire to be a VESSEL OF LOVE.   After I read the list of qualities to Larry, I asked him, “Do you see these qualities in yourself?”  He said, “Well, I see them in YOU so they must be in ME.”  He laughed and said, “Would you please write them on the wall so I can see them every day to remind myself?”

I asked myself, “Do I see these qualities in myself and am I willing to embrace them as mine?  I can truthfully say YES I see these qualities in myself.  It has taken me years to FIND MYSELF and embrace these qualities.

I am also able to recognize what I don’t like in myself in Larry.  When I recognize something in Larry that I don’t like, it is an opportunity for me to look more deeply into my heart and what I need to love and accept in me.  This is not always easy to do.  For example:  he likes to tell me what to do sometimes and I feel irritated. The truth is that I like to tell him what to do sometimes too when my mouth is ready to give him advice.  We are both learning to respect and honor one another and ourselves one day at a time.

Larry

When Pat and I became friends, she noticed early on that I had difficulty accepting praise or compliments.  As we got to know each other better, she recognized that in some ways I had a problem loving myself. She helped me to realize that I had some very good qualities and she has always been free with her compliments and support. She suggested that it was not being conceited or selfish to claim them for myself.  I think I’ve come a long way and I’m in a much better place now than I was then.  When I read those wonderful words she expressed about me in this blog I still feel a bit guilty and wonder how I’m going to live up to them.  I still have work to do in that area and others but I realize it’s not a quick fix and I’m loving myself better all the time. I feel the energy and light of love in my life and my tank is full.  

I was thinking, when our vehicles get low on fuel we go to the gas station and fill our tanks.  When our love tanks are low or empty it could be a sign that we don’t love ourselves enough. Maybe we’ve been under too much stress lately or working long hours or have gone through a difficult experience.  Is it time for a “LOVE CHECK?”  It sounds like your battery is low and your love tank is empty.  It could be time to take some love time for you.  Do something fun, spend some quality time with loved ones or perhaps just get some rest. 

When my love tank is full and I am loving  myself, I am able to share that love with others by offering  acts of kindness and support.   When I am kind or loving to another person, I contribute to filling their love tank and my love tank also benefits from that experience. 

Recently a friend of ours crossed over to the other side to continue his journey via a new adventure.  We attended a beautiful celebration of life in his honor. During the ceremony, guests were given the opportunity to share experiences they had with him.  The contributions consisted of experiences of love and kindness that friends remembered about him that touched their hearts.  These are experiences they will remember whenever his name comes to mind.  

I endeavor (I believe we all do) to be a loving and caring soul.  Many times I know I come up short.  I have a tendency to remember those times more than the times I succeed.  I know my friend was a loving person who touched many souls in a loving way, but like the rest of us, I’m sure he had some regrets. 

What is amazing is that when we think of someone who has left this reality we don’t usually dwell on our disappointments in them.  Instead, we have a tendency to remember and share the kindness and love experiences that touched our lives from knowing them. I think that’s a wonderful human trait.   Many times the memories we have of someone are the little experiences that are remembered.  Isn’t it wonderful  to know how much small kindnesses make a difference in our lives.  In most cases they can brighten our day, lift our spirits and warm our hearts. 

Perhaps it’s time to realize that loving one another reminds us that we are all connected. The one common thread that connects us is the energy and light of love. Yes, we are all different in some ways and sometimes we say and do things that hurt each other.  We are not perfect. I don’t believe perfection is what it’s all about.  Love will show us how to forgive, heal and move on.  I believe life’s purpose is to learn how to love ourselves so we can  become vessels of love. I invite you on this journey and together we can overcome our differences and walk this journey of love together. 

I didn’t want to do a “Spiritual Bypass” with my anger

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Feb
22

My portion of the blog was completed and ready to be edited. I wasn’t feeling comfortable and wondered if Spirit wanted me to write about something different. I remember thinking to myself; I don’t have anything else significant to write about until my experience with Larry this morning.

A few months ago a good friend of mine, Donna, asked, “Do you and Larry ever argue?” I said, “No, we hardly ever argue. We are both pretty easy going and don’t let things bother us.”

I planned on attending a water aerobics class this morning and was running late. I had finished my breakfast while Larry was still making his. I put the dishes in the sink and since I was late turned to him and said, “Do you mind doing these dishes for me since I am running late? “I don’t like to leave my dishes in the sink for him to wash, but I didn’t think he would mind since he would have to do his when he was through with his breakfast. He didn’t say anything to me but the LOOK was enough to communicate to me that he wasn’t very pleased about it. He then said, “I don’t want this to become a habit when you are running late.”

I REACTED in a huff and said, “Never mind, I will do them myself.” I was ticked! I gathered my stuff up and said, “I love you, goodbye.” I could feel the tears already welling up in my eyes. I got in the car and felt the hurt as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Hurt was always easier to feel than my anger. I was taught not to feel angry so I pushed my anger down until it erupted, and often then came out sideways and at the wrong person.

Instead of staying stuck in the HURT feeling and crying, I allowed myself to really feel my anger. Being in the car is a great place to release anger because no one hears you and you can say anything you want. I let it rip and felt better afterwards. I want my vibration to be as high as it can be and I know anger and resentment lowers my vibration. Love and joy are the highest vibration and that is where I strive to be.

I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to the relationship. Whenever we want to “override” our feelings because they are uncomfortable and go right to love, we are trying to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS. It doesn’t work.

By the time I arrived at my water aerobics class, I felt almost peaceful and was able to send Larry love. It was pretty amazing how quickly I was able to work through it. After class I took a long walk along the ocean and did what gives me pleasure – smiling and saying hello to people I pass on the path. I then had my car washed which made me feel really good.

I greeted Larry with a hug when I returned home from class. After I was home a little bit I said, “We need to talk about this morning,” He agreed. As we sat down to talk, he crossed his arms across his chest and quickly realized what his body language was communicating to me and we both laughed.

We both shared our perspectives of what happened that morning, which of course, was very different.  He was feeling upset because he didn’t want to be taken advantage of. His perspective was that I often leave my dishes in the sink and my perspective was I hardly ever leave them in the sink.  During our conversation and listening to one another, we were able to identify some old patterns that were being triggered from past relationships.

After some time of communicating with one another, we were able to work out a plan that was satisfactory to both of us. We both felt respected, loved and heard. What could have become a big struggle, turned out really well. This is a little thing but we wanted to take care of it before it became a big thing.

LARRY

On one of Eckhart Tolle’s CDs (The New Earth) he talks about how all of nature is alive and connected.  How everything and everyone is all part of one consciousness.  He also suggests that nature doesn’t realize how beautiful it is and how much it contributes to our joy and happiness until we communicate that.  

I thought that was an interesting observation, I had never realized that nature wouldn’t automatically know the effect it had on the whole.  It appears that the sky, sun, mountains, oceans, trees, flowers and birds and all of nature need our recognition to understand that they are awesome, appreciated and beautiful. They need to know that we are awestruck by their vastness and beauty, that just being near them and experiencing their fragrance and color fill our spirits and hearts with joy and happiness.  

We live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. How often do we rush around all day, pass by all this natural beauty and not recognize it?  Doing this is such a disservice to us and nature.  How much joy, happiness and love energy can we receive from just noticing the beauty of a flower?  “Wow” what about the incredibly beautiful sunsets we experience daily on Maui. They don’t know they are beautiful until we tell them so and share with them the joy and happiness we experience every time they appear.

I walk three miles most mornings just before the sun breaks over the mountains.  Everything seems fresh and new, nature waking up to a great new day. The birds chatter deliriously at the prospect of a new day and a new adventure.  I try to take everything in: and tell the flowers that they are beautiful and that they fill my heart with joy and gratitude.  

Have you ever wondered how many people we meet each day or walk by, who may need just a little recognition and appreciation? My daily walks use to take me through one of our beautiful parks. Most days I would see the same homeless person sitting on the grass near the walkway. I would greet him and sometimes stop and chat with him. One day, I commented that he had a discovered a great place to sit near the ocean. He commented, “Ya I like it here. A lot of people walk by and some even say hi or good morning.”  I thought, “Hmmm it’s so important for all of us to be recognized and appreciated.”

How often do we express our love and appreciation for our family members?  We get caught up in the daily grind of making a living, providing for our family, raising children, etc.  Some parents may think, “Hey! How about a little recognition and appreciation for all we do around here.” Some children may think “We work hard in school to get good grades and be good students. We could use a little recognition and appreciation also.”  A few moments of love and appreciation go a long way.

Pat and I have a really wonderful relationship and we realize how important it is to recognize and appreciate each other. Mostly in little ways like thanking each other when we do a chore without having to be asked or making the bed or washing the dishes or making lunch or dinner. A simple recognition and “thank you” goes a long way!  

We appreciate one another when we show interest in each other’s day and really listen when one of us is sharing about something that is important to them. We communicate our love for one another at different times during the day when you would perhaps least expect it. We say things like “I love you” or “I think you have beautiful blue eyes” or “You look beautiful tonight.”  Pat loves little gifts or flowers and cards. I try to pay attention to that.  

What if we changed our attitude from one who needs to be served, to one who will look for ways to be a vessel of love and serve? Do you ever think of saying good morning or hi or aloha to someone you don’t know? It may be the only time that day the person will be recognized and appreciated as an individual.  

On Maui, we have so many people in the service industry. Perhaps taking an extra couple of seconds to recognize them (most have name tags) by saying “hi” use their names, saying “thank you” use their names.  They are not robots; they are real people with hearts and souls. Remember we are all one and we are all connected.

I have made it my practice to recognize and greet every person I meet. I feel it is an important way to be a vessel of love. Some return my greeting and some do not, no worries. I have offered them the gift of love and they can either accept it or refuse it. Not my problem. My responsibility is to offer the gift with no strings attached.

I encourage everyone to find little ways to recognize and appreciate each other. I think when we do that we give the energy and light of love a chance to manifest in all our lives.

I didn’t feel guilty of selfish for giving myself pleasure

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Feb
11

I met someone this week (who was an acquaintance) that I hadn’t seen in over a year. The first and only thing she said to me was, “Are you HAPPY?” I looked at her smiling and said, “Yes, very happy.” That was the end of the conversation.

As I pondered the question in my mind, I asked myself, “What makes me happy?” There are many things that make me happy. Certainly being in a loving, committed relationship with Larry makes me happy. But, I was happy before we got into a relationship and I was happy before I moved to Maui. I was happy because I had learned to love and appreciate myself. I was happy because I had learned how to give myself PLEASURE. Here is a quote I found. “The essence of pleasure is spontaneity” Germaine Greer. Instead of being a RUSHaholic, BUSYaholic, DOaholic, WORKaholic, FOODaholic, I am practicing and declaring myself to be a PLEASUREaholic, PEACEaholic and PLAYaholic.

As an Addiction Therapist for over 20 years, I have worked with people with all kinds of addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, hoarding, shopping, sexual, religious, gambling, relationships and internet. Whenever we are addicted to something, we are trying to fill the “Hole in the Soul” with something outside of us. We often don’t want to feel our feelings and the pain inside of us. We haven’t yet done the work of healing, forgiving and transformation. One of the symptoms of addictions is that you need more and more of the “drug” to get the desired result – which is a high to numb the pain inside. It never works and never fills us. We received an email from one of our readers this week.

“I am writing to thank you both for your inspirations. keep ’em coming! Particularly today Pat, your suggestion about “GOING WITHIN” has hit home. I have received that specific message for the last 2 days (at least), coming through in different ways to gain my attention. It has! I have had resistance though, as I have been a ‘DOaholic’ much of my life. I have recognized a pattern of energy that I no longer believe, but just to state it here: I would think I was ‘fat and lazy’ and unproductive if I wasn’t physically “DOING,” or moving all the time. I recognize that it was just an ego-generated fear. It was indeed ‘false evidence appearing real’, and certainly not the Truth of Who I AM. So now, if the thought comes up around that, I transmute it as soon as I am aware of it, saying ‘cancel, clear, delete.’

I am reading a book by Dr.Christiane Northrup called “Goddesses Never Age.” She writes, “We must reclaim the power of PLEASURE. Pleasure is a divine gift we give ourselves and a powerful medicine. We have forgotten the importance of pleasure and we must practice regularly to establish HAPPINESS & JOY in our bodies and life. A discipline of pleasure is an investment in your health. Experiencing pleasure is crucial for vibrant health. It is not selfish, but a gift I give myself. Be an ageless Goddess of pleasure.”

WOW, after reading this I knew I was on the right track because I am very aware of what gives me PLEASURE in my life. I try to give myself more pleasure each day because it feels SO GOOD. This has been a process and didn’t happen overnight. Just like the person who wrote above, I struggled with giving myself permission to experience pleasure, enjoyment and not be DOING something all the time.

I had to change old beliefs that no longer served me. For example: When I am DOING and making things happen, I experience a sense of control and power. It felt like I was accomplishing something when I crossed off things from my “to do” list and therefore, felt worthy of love. I usually put PLEASURE last on my list, after all my “responsibilities” to others were completed.

I know today that I don’t have to ask permission to seek or receive pleasure. I GIVE IT TO MYSELF and don’t feel guilty or selfish anymore. Pleasure leads to happiness and my happiness serves the world and myself because it keeps my vibrational energy high. I want to be so happy that when others look at me they become happy too. Along with my “appreciation list” about myself that I do nightly, I decided to start a “pleasure list.” I will review the day and think about what brought me pleasure and then DO MORE OF IT. So many things give me pleasure. Here are some of the simple things that bring me pleasure:

*Waking up slowly in the morning and feeling grateful for the day
*Listening to the birds singing to me
*Stretching my back with yoga each morning
*Curling up in bed and reading a good book
*Having morning coffee in bed with Larry
*Sitting outside with the sun shining and the breeze blowing on my face
*Going for walks in nature and noticing the beauty all around me
*Eating my food slowly and tasting the flavors and texture of what I am eating
*Listening to my favorite Hawaiian radio station at home and in the car
*Going for car rides in my new car with no destination
*Just letting the day unfold with nothing planned
*Connecting with friends on Facebook
*Painting, dancing and writing
*Watching a movie with Larry and having my feet scratched and rubbed
*Hugging, especially when we go to bed at night
*Going to yard sales or consignment shops and finding a bargain or just what I am looking for
*Meeting new people and listening to their stories
*Inspiring someone to trust God and live their dream
*Having a glass of wine at the end of the day and watching the sunset
*Wearing a flower in my hair or a colorful hat
*Smiling and saying hello to people when I walk on the beach
*Taking a hot bath and luxuriating my body
*Going to the beach or swimming in my favorite pool

Alan Cohen in his book, “Wisdom of the Heart” writes “Take the time to enjoy your life. You can allow yourself PLEASURE and still fulfill your responsibilities. And if you keep your Spirit happy, you will actually accomplish your tasks more quickly, easily and efficiently. Each day, set aside time to nourish your soul. Explore music, art, or dance; read for pleasure, get together with friends, play with your pet, engage in a hobby; or get out in nature. When you do something you love even for a short time each day, you will recharge your batteries and find the strength and energy to do the things you need to do.”

Would you like to join me and practice becoming a PLEASUREaholic, PEACEaholic and PLAYaholic? I truly believe this is how God intended for us to live our lives; loving and appreciating ourselves, allowing ourselves to experience peace, play and pleasure. Only as we learn to love and appreciate ourselves, are we capable of loving others unconditionally. Life is short, you are worth it. Larry will be back next week writing!

We would love to hear from you and welcome your responses to this blog. What do you do for pleasure and fun? Have you been inspired to do something differently as a result of reading this?

 

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
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