The one thing I am certain about on the spiritual path is that WE ARE NEVER DONE and there is always MORE. After several decades of doing inner work, forgiveness and transformation, I was surprised when Spirit brought to the light something that needed to be healed and released in me. It felt like emotional surgery that I believe was a “divine set up.”
My life was working well; I felt peaceful, I was getting married and I have a new grandchild. I share this experience with you so you will know that you are not alone and to show you how you can free yourself from any emotional blockages that you may have that are keeping you from living your life to the fullest.
I participated in the 10 day World Summit for EFT tapping.
“Emotional Freedom Techniques is tapping on “meridian points” on the body, derived from acupuncture. It can release “energy blockages” that cause “negative emotions.” EFT is a
universal healing tool that can provide impressive results for physical, emotional, and performance issues. The premise includes the understanding that the more unresolved emotional issues you can clear, the more peace and emotional freedom you will have in your life. EFT can be an ongoing process that we use to clear out the old traumas, and welcome any new challenges with a healthy, productive attitude.”
The “divine set up” happened as I listened to the EFT talk with Carol Tuttle and participated in a tapping session called, “Whose energy is it?” We are made up of energy and can be affected by others’ energies without even knowing it. It can happen with a co-worker, spouse, or a friend. It can happen while we are listening to the news or radio and all of a sudden, we are feeling discouraged or depressed and don’t know why. It could be that you picked up someone’s energy and it is not yours.
The day after I did the tapping session, I attended a beautiful “love circle” and house blessing with my 6 soul sisters. The love energy and vibration was incredibly high and everyone felt it. I think being in that beautiful love energy brought to the surface the “energy blockage” from past trauma that needed to be processed and released.
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with comparing myself and feeling jealous when I didn’t get the attention I craved and wanted when I was a part of a woman’s group. Instead of denying, minimizing or running from my feelings, I allowed myself to go into them and embrace them. For two days, I allowed myself “solitude” and quiet time to cry, feel and write what was coming up to be processed and released. I prayed and asked my friends for help, which was humbling and vulnerable. I don’t like emotional pain, but I know that if I don’t allow myself to feel my feelings, the energy will stay stuck in my body and I will get sick. As children most of us weren’t encouraged to feel our feelings and were even criticized for being too sensitive.
I chose to be vulnerable and as honest as I could be when I shared my struggle with a friend the next day. My heart was pounding, and I felt embarrassed, stupid and like a teenager. Deep shame seemed to envelop me, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I asked myself, “Where was this shame coming from?” I have learned that when something is very strong in the present, it is often about unresolved, blocked emotional pain from the past. You may not recognize that you are feeling shame. Shame is when you feel awful about yourself because you did or said something and you can’t stop beating up on yourself for days.
I thought about the tapping session that I experienced and asked myself, “Whose energy is it?” It was like a light bulb went off and I finally got it. It became clear to me that I have carried deep shame from my mother probably all of my life. My mother was an alcoholic and because of her illness my emotional needs weren’t met. She often ignored me and disappeared for days at a time. I didn’t know if she was dead or alive and I was terrified. I watched her try to kill herself by taking pills when she was drunk. What Spirit revealed to me was that I carried deep shame inside of me because I wanted and needed my mother’s attention and love. Of course, as a little girl, I wanted her attention and love and didn’t want to be ignored. I was still looking for that love from my mother all these years later and being in a group with other women triggered me.
With this new insight of why I struggled all my life with wanting attention and love from other women and not feeling like I would ever get it, I was able to love and be compassionate with myself. I was able to release and transform the shame by acknowledging it and feeling it. The truth will set us free. The EFT exercise released the energy blockage of shame that I carried all my life and blocked me from receiving the love that I so needed from my mother, myself and the women in my life.
Is there an area in your life where you have “energy blockages” and have carried shame or any other negative emotion that needs to be transformed and released? I encourage you to ask yourself, “Whose energy is it?”
As I write this blog today, my heart is overflowing with gratitude and joy (and tears.) My daughter, Mary, and her partner Glen adopted a little boy named Herbie, who is 7 years old. They waited several years for him to arrive and it is truly a match made in heaven and meant to be. We often have to wait and be patient for our dreams to come true.
Here is what Mary wrote on Face book:
“We adopted him! Amazingly and synchronisticly his name is HERBIE!! It was meant to be because we are HERB farmers and a HERBALIST!! He is 7 years old, and was in foster care for the last 4 years. He is an amazing kid and we are so lucky to have him. We have had a great experience being foster parents for DCYF. I highly encourage anyone who CAN to foster a child who needs a home.”
Of course, I wanted to be a part of the celebration and adoption, but being 5,000 miles away made it impossible for me to be there. I asked Mary to Facetime me from the courthouse when it was all over, which she did. My grandson, Josh, called me and I was there with them on Facetime to congratulate them. My son, Brian, brought balloons and flowers for his sister. Oh, what a happy day as he proudly walked through the court house with flowers and balloons.
When the adoption was complete and they were still in the courtroom, they asked the DCYF worker to take a picture of the family. My grandson, Josh, was holding up his phone with my picture while I was on Face Time with them. To my delight, Josh said, “Grandma, your presence was definitely felt.” Here is the picture:
Herbie was given a party to celebrate his adoption. He wrote a speech and stood up in front of family and friends. As you can imagine, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Here is his speech:
“Thank you all for coming today. This is a special day for me. I have been waiting a long time to be adopted. It makes me happy to have a forever home. I am happy to have a new Mom and Dad. I am happy to have 5 new uncles. I am happy to have 6 new cousins. I am happy to have a new name. I am happy to have a new room. I am happy to have a new home. I am happy to ride my bike every day.”
Several months ago, I sent Herbie a stuffed seal that he fell in love with. In fact, he brought it to the court room with him today. He said to Mary when the adoption procedures were complete, “Sealo is happy that he doesn’t have to leave and that he has a permanent home.” Oh my God, the tears really flowed when she shared it with me. Here is a picture of Herbie and Sealo:
Even though it was difficult not being able to be there physically, I was there in spirit and felt such gratitude for modern technology and Facetime. This is what Holy Spirit said as I prayed about not being able to be there with them in person on this special occasion.
“Breathe in my Spirit. I know it is difficult not being able to be there for your daughter’s special day. Know that she feels your essence and presence and knows more than ever before that you are with her. She remembered to call you because she wanted you to be there. It was important to her as it was to you as her mother. So feel your feelings of sadness that you are unable to be there physically, but rejoice in your ONENESS and the relationship you have with your daughter, Mary. You are both where you need to be in your lives and you both are following your hearts. There is a special bond between you and your daughter now. Open your heart even more as I shower my blessings on you as mother and daughter.
I so look forward to Mary and Herbie traveling from Rhode Island to attend our wedding in May. It is also the weekend of Mother’s day, which will be Mary’s first Mother’s Day as a new mom and spending it together will be such an amazing gift.
For the past 40 years of my spirtitual journey, I have practiced the concept of “open and closed doors.” When I don’t know if something is God’s will or my will, I pray, “God open or close the door.” It hurts when the door is slammed in my face and I am left wandering in the hallway until the next door opens, especially when it takes a long time for the next door to open. Over the years, I have learned to trust that when a door is closed, there is always something better and more aligned for my highest good.
“Closed doors are a valid part of GUIDANCE. When God closes a door, it’s because there is a better plan. If He closes one door, He’ll open another, according to His timing, not mine. I keep moving in faith, even in the face of closed doors.” Basham 1975
Alan Cohen in his book, “The Grace Factor” discusses grace and GUIDANCE. He writes “Never underestimate the power of grace to find you where you are and take your hand. No situation is so dark, dismal, or disgusting that grace cannot enter and move you to a higher ground. When you stepped outside the gate of the Kingdom, a homing device was implanted in your heart. That device has functioned perfectly, constantly feeding you information about where to turn, when, and how. The fact that you have chosen not to listen to its message has not daunted it from broadcasting impeccable guidance. YOU KNOW ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN YOU NEED IT.”
Here are a couple of examples in my life of closed doors that turned out for my highest good:
1. A year after my divorce, I met a man and we were engaged to be married. We were together for 2 years. As I look back on it today, I realize that we would not have made it together. God closed the door and I remained single for 15 years before I met Larry. If God hadn’t closed the door, I would not be where I am today. It was the desire of my heart to meet my soulmate and I “waited” in the hallway for 15 years. At times, I felt angry and didn’t understand why it took so long. I tried banging on the door because of my impatience and lack of trust. That didn’t work! I learned many lessons in the hallway about trust, surrender and God’s perfect timing. For me, it is always about TRUST and I am learning to trust that when I am ready, the door will open at the perfect and right timing.
2. During my divorce, I prayed and asked God for guidance whether to sell my house or remortgage it because I couldn’t afford the monthly payment. When I finally made the decision to re-mortgage my house, the peace came. My ex-husband needed to sign the papers because we weren’t divorced yet, which he agreed to do. On the day of the closing, he decided he wasn’t going to sign the papers and there was nothing I could do about it. A week later, to my surprise, I received a letter from the mortgage company informing me that the interest rate had gone down (on its own) because it was an adjustable mortgage. The payment was the same as if I had re-mortgaged. God closed the door through my ex-husband’s last minute refusal to save me money.
I don’t know about you but, as a parent, it is difficult to watch your child suffer when a door is closed, especially if it is something they really wanted. Recently, one of my children applied for his dream job and it looked very promising. When he told me that he didn’t get it, my heart hurt and I felt sad and disappointed for him.
It was important for me to allow him his feelings and process. It was not the time to talk about closed doors and the door closed for his highest good. I needed to be there for him and be compassionate, loving and supportive. I had to wait until he was ready to talk about it without pushing and prying. It is easy to do a spiritual bypass which means to deny your feelings and push them down. I didn’t want that to happen to him.
When I am living in faith, I trust that a Higher Power or the Universe knows what is best for me (and my family and friends) because I don’t know what lies ahead. I am sure we have all had experiences when a door has been closed and it’s only afterward that we understand why.
Are you in the “hallway” now in some area of your life? Learning to wait with grace takes trust, surrendering to “what is” and patience. When we trust that our Higher Power has the perfect plan and timing for us, we will have peace that passes all understanding. I love the statement “God has my back.” Do you agree?
I looked forward to attending the newly formed gathering of inter- generational women to share our journeys and support one another. At the last minute, I was unable to attend. I thought about the discussion questions we were asked to think about and how I would answer them. “What is your passion and purpose? What do you need to do to realize your dreams? What can you give to others?”
If you have been on the spiritual path for any length of time, you have probably thought about what your passion and purpose is. You still may not know what your passion and purpose is. As I prayed about what my passion and purpose is, I immediately flashed back to a vivid dream that I had years ago when I was paralyzed with fear (7 years) while I was writing my book. When I finally identified that it was fear that kept me stuck from living my dreams, I was able to move forward and finish my book. If I had not come out of denial and worked through my fear, I would not be living on Maui and getting married to a wonderful man. Here is the dream:
“I was climbing up a long staircase that led to heaven. As I arrived at the top of the staircase, I saw a star in the sky and reached out for it. I then became the STAR. A star shines in the dark night to light up the sky. A star led the wise men to the stable where Jesus was born.
After processing this dream many years ago, I realized that my purpose and passion was born and it is “I am a STAR that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.” This truly is my joy and passion.
As I prayed about it today, this is what Holy Spirit said: “Say YES to BE the light and love that I call you to BE today. The world is awakening to the truth that we are all ONE and not separate from God. You never left, God never left you. You are not alone. It is only a dream. You know the truth and will share it with those I send to you. Do not be afraid of your light for it is my light shining through you. There is much darkness in the world that is now coming into the light. Although it looks like things in the world are deteriorating and people are very anxious and confused, it is my plan being played out. There is no need to be afraid because this has been planned by me and is the beginning of a great awakening.”
I have seen first- hand the darkness in people this week and it has been sickening. It is hard to believe the lies, deceit, control, greed and lack of love that I have witnessed in others. Without knowing the light and love of God within, we are doomed to living in the prison of hell which leads to suicide and addictions. The pain and suffering is too much for people to bear.
Heaven is not a place; it is a state of mind. We either live in hell or live in heaven. The choice is ours. We are invited to live heaven on earth. Without the light of God within, there is darkness and despair. We who are awakened and awakening are called to be that light and use our gifts in the service of God. We need one another more than ever to walk this journey.
Are you ready to say YES to God to be instruments of light in the world? Are you ready to believe in yourself and let go of not feeling good enough or smart enough? Are you ready to live your purpose and passion? You have been given gifts to bring to the world and now is the time to say YES and to believe in yourself. The world needs your light.
I have a plaque on my desk that reads:
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on the stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.” Matthew 5 14-16
If you don’t know what your passion or purpose is, I can help you find it. If you living in darkness and want help in your awakening, I can help you. If not now, when? Don’t let fear rob you of living your life and your dreams You are the light of the world and the world needs your gifts NOW.
Here is a poem I received from my friend, Kati, right before I was about to send this out. We are all called to BE THE LIGHT and let our light shine.
“Yet ultimately we are alone, making our way home by the candle of the heart. Many times our light will go out. But another light, one held by a stranger or a friend, a book or a song, a blackbird or a wildflower, comes close enough so we can see our path by its light. And in time we realize that the light we have borrowed was always our own” Joan Borysenko
The first time I remember hearing God’s voice guiding me was on the day I bought my God- blouse thirty-five years ago. This is a part of the chapter from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”
“I had some time to kill as I waited to pick up the children from school. I spotted the clearance sale sign in the back of the store and quickly walked over to the clothing rack. I had no intention of buying anything, but the blouse jumped out at me. Wow, it’s only ten dollars, I thought to myself. I wanted to forget that my husband was out of work and I couldn’t afford it. As I reluctantly placed it back on the rack, I heard that small, still voice of God say: BUY IT AND I WILL PROVIDE
I pulled out my wallet to see how much money I had in it. I had a ten dollar bill tucked away in the billfold. I wanted to believe it was God, but could I trust myself? In the past, miracles happened when I listened to God. I prayed quietly to myself and listened. My gut was saying – trust God and buy the blouse.
I picked up the children from school and drove directly home. I grabbed the mail from the mailbox as I walked in the house. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the crisp new ten-dollar bill tucked inside the note card. As I read the simple, but profound message written in the card, I started to tremble from head to foot. Oh my God, I shouted as the tears streamed down my cheeks. I frantically searched for a name, but there was no name anywhere. Sprawled across the handwritten note was simply, To Pat, From the Son of a Carpenter God provides, but I didn’t expect it so dramatically and so quickly. I still don’t know who sent the card and money – and probably never will.”
In the story above, I heard the small, still voice of God and followed instructions and almost immediately experienced the miracle of trusting the voice within. I wish it was always that easy and quick.
I said to Larry on Saturday morning, “I am frustrated because I have NOTHING to write about in the blog.” By the time we were done talking and sharing, I had SOMETHING to write about. God is faithful. Here is what happened:
I followed through on several instructions from Holy Spirit this week. Unlike what happened when God provided the money almost instantly for the blouse after I listened, I had a very different experience and opportunity to grow from. I thought I wasn’t attached to the outcome of what I was instructed to do, but I was because I woke up feeling irritable and frustrated.
Spirit showed me my impatience and not trusting in God’s timing. When we don’t see the results immediately or have to wait a long time for what we want and what we think God wants for us, we get discouraged and begin to doubt if we really heard the voice of Spirit in the first place. Has this ever happened to you?
This is the message I heard from the Holy Spirit this morning as I journaled:
“You heard my voice and followed my instructions. That does not mean instant results like you hoped for. Do not doubt my voice and what I instructed you to do. You are not responsible for other people’s actions and their timing. Your job is to listen and hear my voice and then proceed as instructed. My job is to work in people’s hearts. Your ego would like you to doubt yourself and feel discouraged and disappointed. You must let go of what you think is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong, it is all planned in my mind. Be patient with yourself as you learn and practice hearing my voice. I am patient with you and lovingly look upon you. I see your motives and your desire to love and serve, but you must trust my ways and timing.”
It is not easy to DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME when you think you are following the Holy Spirit’s instructions. We want what we want when we want it. I often don’t like to wait on God’s perfect timing. Perhaps this is my control issues rearing its head.
Most of us want instant answers. Sometimes we get them, but often we have to wait. Learning to trust God’s timing is not easy business. Learning to accept that everything is in perfect divine order is what keeps me in peace.
Here is a quote from 12 steps of AA “Acceptance is the answer to all of my prayers. If I cannot accept people, places and things as exactly as they are, I will not have peace.”
Is there an area in your life where you need to DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME and trust in God’s diving timing?
When Larry asked me to marry him 8 weeks ago, he quietly whispered to me, “We don’t have to do it right away.” Doesn’t he know who he is dealing with? After waiting for him to pop the question for almost 3 years of our relationship, I was ready and willing and didn’t want to wait. I have to admit waiting is not my strongest asset! We don’t like stress in our lives and we made an intention that everything would flow with peace, ease and grace. And it has so far! Everything is almost done and it is only February.
I am very happy to say that we are getting married on May 13, 2017. I wanted to be married in May because the month of May has been a very powerful spiritual month for me for many years. May is the month of Mary, the divine feminine. I didn’t know it at the time but May 13th is the 100th anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima’s appearance to the children and it is also Mother’s Day weekend.
We are getting married in a beautiful little Hawaiian church called Keawala’a Congregational Church. It was founded in 1832 and it overlooks the ocean. The pink and white Pulmeria trees that surround the church will be in full bloom to grace the beginning of our life as a married couple. We met with the minister for 2 ½ hours and shared many personal things about our lives and story of how we met. It will be interesting what he shares on the day of our wedding. I have a feeling we may get a few chuckles from the congregation.
When I shared with my daughter, Mary, how excited I was about getting married on Mother’s Day weekend, she said, “I want to come and I will bring Herbie if I can get a cheap flight, we will come.” She immediately opened her computer and, of course, found a great price for the both of them. She booked the flight right then. Can you imagine my joy that my daughter will be walking me down the aisle (tears in my eyes now) and, Herbie, my grandson will be the ring bearer. God is good.
Larry and I are going to Rhode Island to celebrate our marriage with our family and friends on the East Coast in July. It is an expensive and long trip for our families to come here so we will go there. My son, Tim, will officiate a special service at Mary and Glen’s farm as we renew our vows with our family and friends. Mary wants to have a square dance band because she knows how much we love to dance.
Since I don’t have any family members here to help with the wedding plans, my girlfriends have stepped up to the plate and offered all kinds of support and help. Believe me, I am taking them up on their offers. My plan is to make the flower arrangements for the reception to be held at the Dunes Golf Course after the ceremony. Several of my friends are creative and offered to help with the flowers both making them and delivering them on the day of the wedding.
I was surprised when my girlfriend, Kat, asked me, “Would you like a bridal shower? It’s been 50 years since my first marriage so I hadn’t even thought about a shower. At first I said, “No, I don’t want a shower.” She told me her idea and then said, “Think about it, you are getting married… in love…for the rest of your life here on earth. Your journey, your womanhood has brought you to this place in time. It might be an extraordinary sacred ceremony to surround yourself with loving Goddess love and energy. The women you love know much about love, perhaps it would bless you to let us encircle you with wisdom, prayer and love as you prepare to enter into and publicly declare your marriage with your beloved Larry. We could each bring you a pearl (symbol of the Maui sea) of prayer – each prayer linked and knotted to the next leaving your enriched with an exquisite strand of spiritual pearls. Of course, after that explanation I happily said, “Yes, I would love to have a celebration like this.”
If you are inspired to send a prayer to me for our marriage, I would be delighted to receive it and will not read it until the shower when I read the others. My address is 621 Laniolu Pl. Kihei. Hi 96753. The shower is April 7th.
Here is the song Larry and I chose to dance to for our first dance as a married couple:
When You Tell Me That You Love Me – Albert Hammond/John Bettis sung by Uluewhi Guerrero
“I want to call the stars down from the sky. I want to live a day that never dies. I want to change the world only for you. All the impossible, I want to do. I want to hold you close under the sun. I want to kiss your smile and feel the pain. I know what’s beautiful, looking at you. In a world of lies, you are the truth.
Chorus: And my love, every time you touch me I become a hero. I will make you safe, no matter where you are. And bring you everything you ask for, nothing is above me. I am shining like a candle in the dark when you tell me that you love me.
I want to make you see just what I was, show you the loneliness and what it does You walked into my life to stop my tears. Everything is easy now, I have you near. In a world without you, I will always hunger. All I need is your love to make me stronger.
I don’t think either one of us will make it through in one piece. But it will be beautiful as we waltz around the floor together.
I lost myself in DOING and I found myself in BEING. I will share with you my journey and experience of finding myself the last 5 years after I moved to Maui.
I retired from my profession of 20 years as an Alcohol and Drug therapist 8 years ago after my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” was published. I then started my own coaching and speaking business. When I moved to Maui 5 years ago, it was my plan to continue my spiritual life coaching practice as well as be an inspirational speaker. We know the quote, “We make plans and God laughs.”
It had only been a few weeks after I arrived on Maui, when I heard Spirit say, “I don’t want you to do anything, I want you to learn HOW TO BE. At first I thought I was hearing things and didn’t like this message. I thought I knew how to BE and wanted to continue using my gifts and doing what I loved to do.
By the grace of God, I listened and let go of my coaching practice and speaking engagements. It didn’t take me long to adjust to this new way of life. I learned to stop pushing and trying to make things happen. I stopped the rushing and busyness that was in the fiber of my being. I relaxed and learned to listen in a deeper way to the small, still voice of God within. My faith and trust in God deepened as I watched the miracles happen. I learned how to live in the moment and be spontaneous. I continued to practice self-love and appreciation.
Many of you have been reading my blogs for years. I am so grateful for your love and support. I have shared my struggles as well as my joys. You know how I attracted a beautiful home overlooking the ocean and how I stepped out in faith trusting God to provide the money for my rent which had doubled. I attracted my soul mate and am now getting married. All of this was a part of God’s plan, for sure.
The past couple of months I have had a “stirring within” to start doing spiritual coaching again. I have prayed about it and believe it is Spirit saying, “It’s time for you Pat to use your gifts again. There are people out there who need you and they will come to you.”
So I am stepping out in faith again and trusting Spirit is leading the way. If you have been reading my blogs, you already know who I am and what I do. I strive to be as authentic as I can and share my process as honestly as I can.
If you feel a “quickening” in your heart and would like a deeper walk with Spirit, I would be happy to assist you on your journey as your spiritual coach.
Do you want to hear the voice of Spirit more clearly?
Do you want more love, faith, joy or peace in your life?
Do you want to remove limiting beliefs that no longer serve you?
Do you want to discover the YOU that has been buried for many years?
Do you want to connect with your authentic self and live from that sacred space?
Do you want to let go of the past and learn to live in the present moment?
Do you want a healthy relationship with your partner?
Do you want to discover and live your passion?
Do you want more fun and play in your life?
Here is a testimony from Linda Pestana who recently started back coaching with me.
“If you are looking for a compassionate and caring guide to help you move in a new direction in your life with tenderness and love….look no further. Pat Hastings tops my list of woman who brings the best out in you. Pat was my spiritual coach for 2 years while she lived in Rhode Island. When she moved to Maui, I felt distance would separate us. I missed her wisdom, empowerment, depth and most of all her love of Spirit. Pat has a gift of listening and tapping into the gift of the moment. She hears your soul and allows you to tap into those places that need healing. I’m back with Pat for spiritual coaching calling her from a distance. It works and my life continues to be blessed.
Spiritual coaching is very important to me as it keeps me focused and calls me to return to the God within. I remember how it is to come home to my own inner voice. Pat has taught me to be gentle with myself. She will hold you tenderly and call you to be that beautiful woman or man that you are.” Linda Pestana, Grief Facilitator and Author of “Voices of the Heart”
I will only work with 5 clients, so if Spirit is knocking at the door of your heart, please email or call me now. I can be reached at 401-862-8859. I look forward to hearing from you and assisting you on your spiritual journey. If you know of anyone who might benefit from spiritual coaching, I would appreciate it if you would forward this to them. Mahalo
Once upon a time there was a little girl who really looked good on the outside but inside felt quite differently. On the inside, she wanted to please and impress others because she didn’t love herself. She felt insecure, inadequate and not good enough. She didn’t speak up or hardly ever said no to others when they needed her. She looked outside for her answers and thought others knew what was best for her. She was afraid of authority figures.Today that little girl has grown up and that little girl is a woman who just turned 70 years’ young. That woman is me. I am happy to say I am healing from codependent behaviors and continue to “GROW UP and SPEAK UP.”
Spirit allowed an opportunity this week to show me my growth. I was amazed at what happened and thought to myself, “Where did she come from? I can’t believe that came out of my mouth.” I spoke up to my doctor, which at one time in my life, I would never have done. This is not about what the doctor did or didn’t do and there is no blame. It is about recognizing how I have grown and changed.
Here is what happened: I was summoned for jury duty. I checked to see about parking the afternoon before I was scheduled. I couldn’t understand it and asked Larry to read it. I was aghast when he came out and said, “Pat, this is in Honolulu.” We live in Maui and the only way to get there would be by plane. The summons read if you don’t show up you could receive a fine of $1000 or be put in jail. I called immediately but the office was closed because of Martin Luther King Day. My only saving grace was that I was instructed to call after 5:00 p.m.the day before and see if the date was rescheduled.
In the meantime, I prayed and asked for help and guidance. The idea came to me to contact my holistic doctor and ask for a letter to be excused because of my ongoing back issues. He agreed to write the letter for the date the summons was originally scheduled.
Because the jury date was rescheduled when I called, I needed to call the doctor and ask for a note for the new date. When I went to his office to pick up the note, I could sense he was not happy about having to write another letter.
He said, “I am charging you $25 for writing the letter because it caused me so much aggravation with the phone calls and emails. I sent him one email and called once.
I immediately and calmly said, “Oh is that how you decide what fee to charge your patients because of how much aggravation it causes you?” I am sure he was surprised that I spoke up and became defensive and went on about how much he charges an hour, etc.
When he left the office I asked his secretary, “Does he always speak to patients like that?” She was apologetic and said, “He was in the hospital for 4 days and has not recovered fully. He has had a hard day and is exhausted.” My heart softened with compassion and love. As I was leaving the office, he came out and I said, “I send you love.”
I had to return to his office the next day to pick up some supplements. When he saw me he said, “Thank you for your patience yesterday and thanks for the love and prayers.”
Some of you may be thinking, “Why would you go back to him when he spoke to you like that?” My ego would like to rant and rave, feel indignant, hold a grudge and not go back.
I have choices. I can love or judge and live in fear. Today I am choosing to love and since he has been a good doctor and was willing to write the letter in the first place, I am in gratitude because I don’t have to go to jury duty!
That little girl has grown up and has learned to SPEAK UP and not feel guilty. I felt really proud of myself for the woman I have become.
Pat and I are learning that being in a loving committed relationship at times can be challenging. We’ve learned in some ways that we are very much alike and in some ways we are very different. We can experience the same situation and walk away from it with entirely different perspectives of what we saw, heard or experienced.
Our saving grace is that we are committed to talking about everything. I think our communication skills are top notch. I’m sure you have all been in relationships before and have learned how important communication is. Sometimes it’s very difficult for one or the other in the relationship to support open communication.
I know as a male I have been in a place in the past where all I wanted to know is “What do you want or need, just let me know and I’ll try to obtain it for you, I don’t need to waste time talking about it.” Not to surprising those relationships didn’t last.
I’ve always thought that I was a fairly generous person. I don’t mind spending money doing some things and going places. My main criteria for spending money is that I receive “VALUE” for it. This is one area where good communication comes in. Pat and I sometimes have different perspectives on what constitutes VALUE and we need to negotiate so we both feel respected and loved.
For example, Pat wanted to do the Hawaii Cruise, from her perspective it was a terrific idea and had a lot of VALUE. I balked at the idea because I had done the cruise 12 years ago and didn’t see any VALUE in taking it again. While talking about it over time I was able to see it from a different perspective. I started to look at it as a”STAYCATION” and from that perspective it had value for me. (A STAYCATION is something we Mauians do just for something different and it’s usually staying at one of the Resorts on island for a few days.)
When Pat shared her experience with her doctor my reaction was WOW I would never have said that to him. From my perspective, the fact that he wrote the letter would have had such VALUE to me he could have said anything he wanted too and I could have cared less. Different perspectives that’s all. I’m proud that Pat had the courage to speak up when she felt it was necessary. We encourage each other to always be true to ourselves.
Perhaps we can all be more willing to listen to what our loved ones have to say, allow them the flexibility to experience life differently than the way we do and value another’s perspective.
Eckhart Tolle offers: If I had lived her past and suffered her pain, and was at the same level of consciousness, I would be thinking and acting exactly the same way that she is.
For those who read our offerings I hope you can find something of “VALUE” in it.
There were several lessons or opportunities that I could have written about this week, but it would have probably been only a sentence or two, not a whole blog. Spirit is faithful and has never let me down over the last 9 years that I have been writing the blogs. I prayed and asked to be led to share what would be for the highest good for all.
This is what I received when I opened my email this morning. “Appreciation is the magic formula you’ve been seeking.” —Abraham
It is my belief that the more I appreciate myself, the more I appreciate other people in my life. I not only appreciate other people but I am learning to appreciate everything in my life. I have an “Appreciation Practice” that I practice every night before I fall off to sleep.
Instead of a nightly review of the day in my mind about where I need to change or grow or what I don’t like about myself, I think about all that I appreciate about MYSELF that day. Sometimes the list is short and other times it is quite long. Nothing is too small and it really feels good when I am done thinking of things I appreciate about myself. Often during the day, if I am tempted to say or do something that is not aligned with Spirit, I will think about the appreciation practice at night and it helps me to do the right thing.
Having a daily practice like this motivates me the next day to do the same things and more. Often during my prayer and meditation, someone will come to mind that Spirit wants me to reach out to. I send a quick text reminding them that they are loved. Larry has seen me on my phone during prayer and says, “Pat is calling God.”
To give you an example of what this look likes, I will share some of the things I appreciate about myself. Of course, this is an accumulation of things I appreciate and every day is different. These are simple things and not great things. Of course, your list will be different if you choose to do this.
- I appreciate that I did my weights this morning
- I appreciate that I ate healthy and stayed away from sugar
- I appreciate that I kept my mouth shut when I really wanted to speak my mind
- I appreciate that I was kind to the cashier at the supermarket
- I appreciate that I called my friend to say hello and send love
- I appreciate that I didn’t judge someone that I wanted to
- I appreciate that I had a “Pat Day” and played and had fun
- I appreciate that I processed my anger and was able to let it go
- I imprecate that I said no because I didn’t want to do something
- I appreciate that I prayed and meditated
- I appreciate that I set boundaries and spoke up
- I appreciate that I let go of control
- I appreciate the choices I made that brought me peace
- I appreciate how I take care of my body, mind and Spirit
- I appreciate how I am asking Spirit for guidance in everything
- I appreciate how I love my family and friends
- I appreciate my creativity
- I appreciate how I trust God to provide for all of my needs
- I appreciate how I am able to receive all that is given to me
- I appreciate that I kept my word
- I appreciate that I listened to Spirit for guidance and followed through
- I appreciate how I chose LOVE instead of FEAR
I encourage you to try this practice and let me know how it works. I guarantee you that miracles will happen. Maryann Williamson ays, “A miracle is a change in thinking.” Rather than focusing on what’s missing or lacking in your life, your focus is on what’s working and what is good. When we do this, we attract more good into our lives.
I know that some people are wondering why I changed my mind about marriage after being so against marrying again. I don’t know if I can really explain the“shift” in me that led to my wanting to marry Pat. I know that if Pat had nagged or pushed me to marry her, I would probably not have experienced the “shift” that occurred. Sometimes when the energy of love is present, things happen and we can’t explain why or how.
I began thinking again of how different males and females think and how different our perspectives are. I am a lot more conservative than Pat and she is much more flexible and creative than I am. I’m not as open to change as much as she is. I think it may be a male thing. When I’m in a good place and life is going along perfectly, I don’t want to change it. I just want to take time to enjoy it. Pat likes to make choices that would expand our awareness and that sometimes means making changes.
If I hadn’t decided to take a chance and commit to a serious relationship, we wouldn’t be where we are now, living together and engaged to be married. It was a big decision for me to move in together because I was happy living alone in my own place.
I wasn’t all that keen on taking a cruise to Australia almost two years ago and that turned out great.
If I hadn’t changed my mind and gone on the Hawaii cruise, (I really didn’t want to do at first),
I don’t know if I would have experienced the “shift” in me that started me thinking that perhaps marriage could be in our future.
When Pat suggests that we do something out of the ordinary that will stretch me my default seems to be NO THANK YOU! She has learned to plant the seed, back off and let me think about it. Sometimes after I think about the suggestion for awhile, I come around.
I’m thinking that the energy of LOVE is always calling us to a greater consciousness, encouraging us to grow by recognizing our fears and deleting them from our lives. From my experience, sometimes that can be very uncomfortable. What’s important to me is that I continue my journey and not allow fear to determine which direction to go.
I am sure some of you have heard that “We make plans and God laughs.” My dear friend, Donna, came to visit us from the mainland a couple of days ago. It was her first time visiting Maui and, of course, she was ready to explore the island the minute her feet touched the ground. After a harrowing 27 hour flight with some unexpected detours because of the planes engine problems, she was exhausted when she arrived at our home at midnight.
One of the first things she said to me after we happily greeted one another was, “I have some releasing to do and I really want to connect with God.” Within a short time of being here, Donna became ill with a sore throat and cough. It didn’t help that she had jet lag and didn’t sleep the night before. Of course, this is the last thing she wanted to be home bound and not feeling well. She said, “I hardly ever get sick and I don’t understand why.” This was not her plan, but was it God’s plan? Often God wants to get our attention and will use everything to do that.
It is my belief that we attract everything into our lives for our highest good and that our souls know what we need to heal in body, mind and spirit. As I prayed for Donna, I sensed Spirit was doing a powerful work in her and giving her the space and time to release what needed to be released and to connect with her God, which was her intention.
This brought to mind what happened to me about 25 years ago when I went to Bermuda by myself for the first time. It was a very difficult time in my life as I worked through sexual abuse issues. I was exhausted and needed to heal in the warm sunshine. When I got off the plane, I was expecting beautiful, sunny weather. Instead, the sky opened up and the rain poured down in buckets on me. I was optimistic and thought it was just a passing shower. I didn’t think God would have allowed me to come to Bermuda and stay at Angel’s Grotto for it to rain.
I kept the faith for a few days and trusted the rain would stop eventually. It finally did on the 3rd or 4th day and I rented a moped to drive around the island. I was so excited that the sunshine finally came out that I decided to take a trip to St. George which was on the other side of the island. I was in my glory as I sat in the diner for lunch and talked to the locals.
As I put my helmet on and got ready to leave, I looked up and noticed the sky getting blacker and blacker. I knew I was in trouble as I had no rain gear and I was at least 1 hour away. I didn’t know anybody in Bermuda and had to get on my moped and ride back to Angel’s Grotto. Here is an excerpt from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.”
“Within minutes, the sky opened up and the rain poured down. I could hardly see as the hail and ice balls hit my face. As each car sped by, water splashed my feet, legs, arms and even my head. Between my tears and the pouring rain, I could hardly see in front of me. I held on for dear life. I had to keep going no matter what. My body trembled with fear and I felt my heart pound inside my chest. I cried out, “God help, my life is in danger and I’m scared to death.”
When I finally reached the shelter a short distance ahead of me, I turned off my moped, threw it on the ground and screamed at God at the top of my lungs. F U God. I felt the anger rise up from a place deep within me. I didn’t get angry at God EVER. I sat on the ground and cried uncontrollably for a long time. All my life I held in my anger and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Although totally exhausted and spent, I knew deep down that something had shifted inside of me. I got in touch with a well of deep unresolved anger from my childhood sexual abuse. I didn’t know how much anger was inside of me until my moped incident.
I think God, in his ultimate wisdom, allowed this to happen so I could begin to release my anger that I buried for years. Spirit knew it would take a lot for me to get angry – alone in Bermuda on a moped during a hail storm. Clearly, the release was more important to my well being than having beautiful weather. God had thrown His thunderbolts and created the perfect circumstances to heal and free me. I thought I was going to Bermuda to rest and relax in the sunshine. God had other plans, better plans. He knew exactly what I needed.”
And after the moped incident, the sun came out and the rest of the trip was perfect. We make plans and God laughs.
One of the areas in my life that I am beginning to address is my patience level or perhaps I should say my “impatience” level. I struggle with impatience all the time. I am learning a wonderful way to address my impatience. Eckhart Tolle suggests that when we become impatient it’s because we don’t want to be where we are. We want to be somewhere else doing something different or what we consider the next best thing.
The secret to dealing with my impatience is for me to “live in the moment and to live in the NOW.” I have been practicing this for a few months and I’m beginning to really have some incredible moments when I can do this. This practice has had a profound effect on my impatience. Whenever I find I’m becoming impatient (like at red lights or in lines at stores or waiting for someone), I just remind myself to be aware of the very moment I am experiencing. I bring my attention to the fact that I have absolutely everything I need in the present moment and have no reason to become impatient or want to be somewhere else.
The other day I went to the state tax department to pay my taxes. They had two windows open with about a dozen people in the line. The line was moving very slowly and I could feel the tension growing as people were becoming impatient. One person was having a difficult time understanding what the clerk was trying to explain to her and was becoming very frustrated and anxious. I was able to not get caught up in the negative energy. I chose to stay in the present moment in peace and clarity. I had the presence of mind to ask love energy to be present in the environment. I believe it helped to prevent things from escalating, I know it helped me to stay patient.
I think I figured something out about traffic lights. I think there are “red light days and green light days.” When I’m having a red light day, I get almost all the red traffic lights. There was a time when I would become impatient about all the red lights, but now I consider the red lights as opportunities to stay in the moment and send love energy to those around me. I realize that I also have green light days when I get mostly all green lights and those give me opportunities to just keep cruising along.
Thanks for reading our shoring’s we hope somehow by sharing our journey we help others walk theirs.
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