Many people have commented on the first chapter of my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” It’s called God is my Bargain Hunter – How God Provides at Yard Sales. After reading the chapter they say to God, “If you provided for Pat like that, I will ask too.” It really is about believing and being grateful before things “show up.” God is still providing for me on this beautiful island of Maui. Sometimes it feels like magic the way I am provided for and it makes me smile.
I love how the Universe works when I trust and allow things to flow. Last week, my friend, Sally, told me about a neighborhood yard sale in an exclusive, gated community in Maui. They have it twice a year and there are dozens of yard sales. Now, being called the “yard sale queen” by my friends, I was excited and planned on attending, until I remembered that I had a coaching session scheduled for 8:30 a.m. I thought about calling and asking her if she could come later in the day, but that didn’t feel right. I trusted that if it were meant to be for me to be there at 7 a.m. when the doors opened, she would cancel. Sure enough, I received an email from her on Thursday night informing me that she had to cancel. Of course, I was grateful and excited about that.
Larry asked if he could join me. He’s been with me a couple of times when we’ve stopped at yard sales along the way. But this was different because this was the big league in a gated community with so many yard sales. I said, “Larry, I would love you to join me, but you have to be willing to follow my yard sale protocol. This is what we do: We first peruse the whole area to see if there is anything we want. We move fast and don’t hang around to talk to people because if you snooze, you lose. Please don’t discourage me from buying something that I think is valuable. He smiled and said, “Okay, honey, you’re the queen, I won’t interfere, I’ll let you play.” I just love how he loves me!
We left the house at 6:30 a.m. as planned to find the treasures we were looking for (or not looking for). As always, God’s timing is perfect. Larry’s birthday was the next day and I’ve been searching for the perfect painting for his “man cave” since he moved in 3 weeks ago. I was glad he was with me because I wanted to find him something that he really liked. Of course, I prayed and asked God to provide the perfect painting (and price) for him. We saw several beautiful paintings, but nothing jumped out at us. We had almost finished our “yard sailing” when I spotted another yard sale sign down the street.
I spotted the 2 matching flowering paintings hanging on the wall immediately when I walked into the garage. I thought they would be perfect for over the couch and hoped that Larry would also like them. He not only liked them, but I offered the man less than what he was asking for them and he accepted happily. As soon as we arrived home, Larry hung them up for me and they looked awesome. How much better does it get than that?
On another note on how God provided for me. Last week, I was invited to my friend, Gail’s, house for a “play day” to paint and decorate rocks. Our friend, Lesta, is an artist and paints rocks and puts spiritual messages on them. She then leaves them around the island for people to pick them up. We had so much fun being creative by painting and putting colored beads on the rocks. I loved the idea of painting rocks and putting messages on them and leaving them around the island and decided I wanted to do this myself.
I planned on going to Ben Franklin to buy some paint, brushes, colored beads and this stuff called, MOD PODGE, which I had never heard of or used before. We used this to glue on the beads and seal the paint on the rocks.
It is even hard for me to believe that I found everything I wanted for this project at 3 different yard sales. First, I found 9 tubes of acrylic paints and 6 new paint brushes that were perfect for painting rocks. A little while later, at another yard sale, I found the colored beads in a case for $2.00. I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to start my new project. We were on our way home and only a couple of minutes from our house when I spotted one more yard sale. Of course, we had to stop and I was shocked when I saw the brand new bottle of MOD PODGE sitting on the table. I mean, really!
Last, but not least of how God provided: Larry brought 2 of his antherium plants with him that look beautiful on our lanai and I told him that I wanted to buy some more plants. At the very first garage sale that we stopped at, God provided 6 beautiful potted flowering plants for my lanai at the perfect price.
As I shared in my book, “The beauty of my “yard sailing” lies not just in the price, but the knowledge that God does care about the details. His answers to my yard sale prayers constantly reminds me that I’m taken care of, that God is in my life and that He wants me to have all I need and desire. The fun I have finding bargains reminds me that God has fun when I have fun. I think God enjoys placing bargains in my path as much as I enjoy finding them.”
I want to thank all of you who wrote and shared your responses to Larry’s thoughts and feelings about our love relationship. It touched us both very deeply and we are so grateful that our relationship gives you hope to see the possibilities of what God wants and intends for you in a committed relationship.
Many of you have shared how you appreciate my honesty and authenticity in writing my weekly blogs. It truly is my desire to share the good, the bad and the ugly, although I don’t believe any more there is the bad or the ugly. Of course, there are always challenges or problems in our lives. But, I choose to see everything that happens to me as an opportunity rather than a problem because I believe that I attract everything into my life for my highest good and for my soul to grow.
Did I want to share what happened this week that was very personal and felt shameful? No, I didn’t but I know that shame is healed when it is brought into the light. I also heard Spirit say, “I want you to share this in your blog.” I choose to share it because I want to be true to myself and authentic to all of you.
Last Thursday, a few days before Easter, I felt a shooting pain in my whole lower back when I got up to get a drink of water. I remembered what my back felt like a few years ago when I could hardly walk and had to be on my back for a few weeks. So, for 3 days I really “gave into” taking care of myself and rested and stayed quiet. I read books and iced and put heat on my back all day long. I prayed, meditated and did the Emotion Code to release trapped emotions. I believe that our body often wants to get our attention and speaks to us through our pain. Our body remembers everything that has ever happened to us and there may be emotions or false beliefs that need to be released.
It was revealed to me in prayer that I had an old belief that no longer served me. The belief was that it is wrong and bad to “waste time on myself” and to do nothing, even if it is very pleasurable. I loved lying in my bed and reading for hours. Because my back was hurting, I gave myself permission to rest and I didn’t feel guilty. Because of this false belief about “wasting time on myself”, I don’t think I would have given myself the luxury of reading all day without feeling some guilt.
Granted, there was a time in my life while I worked and raised a family that I didn’t think I had a choice to “waste time on myself.” I became a “busyaholic” because there was a lot to do, but also to medicate my feelings. I didn’t want to feel the pain that was deep inside of me, so I stayed busy. There is nothing wrong with being busy and responsible, but it must be balanced with taking time for ourselves and doing things that give us pleasure – and that may be doing nothing and reading a book all day long – without feeling guilty.
It’s important to know what gives you pleasure. During my quiet time, I wrote a list of all the things and activities that bring me pleasure and there were a lot of things on the list from dancing, walking on the beach to spending time with family and friends. I liked it when it popped into my mind that I am now a practicing “pleasuraholic.” A pleasuraholic means I live in the present moment, I feel all of my feelings, I believe I’m deserving of pleasure, I trust the process of life, I enjoy pleasure, I surrender and accept “what is.”
I was surprised when I received an email the next day that read, “Are you a pleasure anorexic? Do you unconsciously or habitually deprive yourself of pleasure? I immediately said, “No.” I have this one covered and that’s not me. After all, I had just written my list of all the ways that I give myself pleasure. I enjoy giving and receiving pleasure from those I love. Then, Spirit shined its light into my heart and showed me some truths that I was in denial about and didn’t want to see about myself.
I’ve shared in past blogs that I was sexually abused as a young girl by a family member, a priest and a teacher. I was robbed of my innocence and suffered many years because of the abuse. It has been a long journey of healing, forgiving and transformation. I am very grateful to God for my healing. What I know about the spiritual journey is that there is always MORE uncovering and healing to be done, especially if there has been any kind of physical, emotional, spiritual abuse or trauma in our lives.
It may be uncomfortable and I may not like it when something comes into the light that needs attention and healing, but I know it’s for my highest good. I felt sad and then angry when I realized that I was still suffering from the “aftermath” of the abuse and needed healing from the sexual abuse that occurred over 60 years ago.
Nothing changes when I stay in denial. When I come out of denial, I will not only have to face myself and the truth, but I will have the opportunity to change, with God’s grace. Even though I knew that change is for my good & necessary, I still felt some fear because it was unfamiliar territory where I didn’t have control. Feeling like you are in control is very important to someone who has experienced abuse.
I was able to admit to myself, that even though I had grown enormously in healing my sexuality, there were still some areas where I needed to heal and grow because I didn’t allow myself to RECEIVE all of the pleasure that I was entitled to and deserved to receive.
I know in my heart that Larry is God’s instrument in my life to heal my unhealed wounds. His love, kindness and patience give me courage to move forward and receive all the gifts God wants to give me, including enjoying my sexuality 100%.
Are you able to give and receive pleasure in your life or do you sometimes feel guilty doing things that are pleasurable and fun? You are worth it and deserve to experience the riches God wants you to receive. Start today and do one good thing for yourself every day and see how that feels.
This Easter Sunday was very special to me as it is the 1st year anniversary of my “Awakening.” Last Easter, Larry joined me for the Easter Sunday celebration at Unity Church. I was so touched when he gave me a beautiful flower lei right before the service. I remember during the service, praying, “God, open my heart if Larry is my soul mate.” I was just beginning to have some romantic stirrings towards him after being best friends for 2 years. I believe it was that prayer that awakened me to the reality of love right before my eyes. I also know it wasn’t God’s timing until that very moment that my heart was opened. Although we were best friends and had built our relationship on trust and respect, we each had some inner work to do before we moved to the next level.
I am amazed at all that has happened over the past year because I opened my heart to love. One year later, we are celebrating Easter Sunday service together again and Larry surprised me with a beautiful flower lei. My heart overflowed with joy and gratitude. He not only surprised me with a lei, but he purchased leis for my 2 girlfriends, Kati and Catherine, who were attending the service with us. How much better does it get than this?
As you all know, Larry and I moved in together last week. It was a big step for both of us, giving up our freedom and coming together to build our life together as a couple. For me, it feels like we have been together forever because it’s just flowed with peace, ease and grace. I love him living here and playing together. What a gift at this time in our lives to be together in love.
I asked Larry if he would be open to share with you his experience of our relationship and moving in together. Here is what he wrote:
“Pat and I had been discussing moving in together for some time. I had been living alone for the past 3 years and was very happy in my condo. The thought of moving was not pleasant, even though Pat and I are very compatible, love one another and find much joy in being together. Like most people, I don’t necessarily like change, so it was a big decision for me to make.
Even though I felt some fear, it seemed like the best thing to do. I am learning not to worry and control things, but to allow Spirit to do the work. I am also learning to choose love instead of fear. During this process, I realized how much of my decision making over the years has been fear- based. I often tortured myself with thoughts like, “If I do this, I am afraid this will happen and if I don’t do that, I am afraid that will happen.”
When I finally made the decision that the move was for my highest good and for the good of our relationship, everything seemed to just fall into place. Our mantra or prayer was, Everything will flow with peace, ease and grace. Whenever I felt anxious about the move, Pat reminded me about the mantra and we would say it together. It really worked because “we get what we expect” and I was expecting it to flow with peace, ease and grace.
Here are a couple of examples: I was feeling some concern about who would help me move the furniture and heavy stuff from my condo. I really value the relationship I have with the folks who owned the condo I rented. When I gave them my notice, they were really disappointed that I was leaving. To my surprise, they offered to move me to my new home in Maui Meadows. The move went, as we expected, with peace, ease and grace. Not being a “techie”, I was concerned about setting up my computer and smart TV. They not only moved me in, but helped set up everything up all in one day. Pat has shared in her past blog about finding the beautiful stress-less recliner chair valued at $2000 for $800 delivered to our home. I am now enjoying the recliner every day and I love it.
My spiritual journey is similar to Pat’s and our desire is to be vessels of love in whatever we do & wherever we go. In now living together, we are creating a rhythm that takes compatibility, flexibility and patience. It is a perfect opportunity to develop and deepen our love relationship. It is my spiritual belief that Love is the most powerful energy known to humankind. For me, LOVE IS GOD. I do not allow fear to have any power in my life any more. I bring everything to love because that is where the power is and Love will never fail me. The more that I allow myself to be a vessel of love, the more love comes into my life.
Those of you who follow Pat’s blog realize what an inspiration she is. With her beautiful blue eyes and lovely smile, she lights up the room when she walks in. My nickname for her is “Sparkle.” She has been and always will be an inspiration to me. She has encouraged me to love myself, to be positive and to trust the power of love.
I am settling into my new “home” and am enjoying our free and easy stress- less lifestyle. My heart is full of gratitude for what Love has brought into my life. I am happy and look forward to walking this path of love with Pat as we grow spiritually as a couple and as individuals. We are given many opportunities every day to grow and become more conscious. Sometimes that’s scary, but it’s nice to know someone has my back. I look forward to continuing this journey and welcoming all the opportunities that will arise. “
Thank you God for all the blessings in my life. Thank you Larry for coming into my life and loving me the way you do. My journey has been enriched and deepened because of your love and presence. Although Larry doesn’t see it in the future, who knows, we might even write a book about our “Love Story.”
On the morning of the day Larry moved in, I was so filled with gratitude and joy that I wanted to let my 4 children know how happy their mother was. This is the text I sent them: “Remember the song, “This is the day that the Lord has made” that we sang when you guys were younger? I want you all to know that your mother is very grateful, happy and in awe of the good in my life. Larry is moving in today and living together on the ocean is truly a dream come true. Thank you for supporting me and loving me as I followed my heart and moved across the ocean. I feel your love and I love you all very much. My prayer for you is that you follow your heart and that all of your dreams come true. Aloha.” My son, Brian, wrote back “This is the day YOU have made with the Lord.” Yes, we co-created it together.
My children are happy that I’m happy, just as I’m happy when I see them living their lives fully and they are happy. This is all we could ever ask for each other. I have been divorced for 17 years and we know that it’s not always easy on our children. My children weren’t happy that I was divorcing their father and for a while, the younger ones were angry with me. Even though I understood their anger, it was still very painful to be the brunt of their angry behaviors.
There were several things I learned during that time; it didn’t work to nag them or try to get them to talk about it. I learned to allow them their space to work through their process and just sent them love. I learned to not take it personally and beat up on myself for their feelings and my decisions. If I hadn’t had the courage to move forward in my life and trust God for my life and the lives of my children, I would not be experiencing the joy, love and happiness that I now have and I wouldn’t be living my destiny.
For the past several months (after Larry and I made the decision to move in together) this is what we said to one another when we thought about the move, “Everything is going to flow with peace, ease and grace.” We have truly experienced the POWER of our intention because everything has flowed with peace, ease and grace. In next week’s blog Larry will share his experience of how it has flowed with peace, ease and grace for him.
I love how the Universe works and how things shift when they are meant to shift and change. It’s all about trusting God’s perfect timing. I live in a beautiful suburb of Maui called “Maui Meadows.” Several months ago, a man moved in across the street and the problems started. He would come home in the wee hours of the morning and greet his barking dogs which, in turn, woke the neighborhood up. He would then sit outside and talk on his cell phone, which kept me awake. I could practically hear his whole conversation and I wanted to scream out the window, “Shut up.”
Last month, the police were called twice in one week because of drunken brawls and yelling and fighting. I even called the police last week at 4 a.m. because of the cursing and yelling that I heard. The situation was definitely escalating and I was concerned for Larry moving in with all the noise and fighting because the condo that he lived in was very quiet.
Of course, Larry was aware of the problems before he moved in and we agreed to see it as an opportunity to send him love, rather than a problem to be solved. Two days before Larry moved in, I had breakfast with my girlfriends and shared what was going on. My friend, Kati, said kind of nonchalantly, “He’s going to be moving out.” I loved that thought, but I had no idea when that was going to happen.
That very night, while sitting on my lanai, I noticed 2 police cars in front of my neighbor’s house. The policemen were just standing by their patrol cars while the man carried out large garbage bags of his stuff and put it in his car. “Was he really moving out?” I wondered. I wanted to jump for joy. I assumed he was evicted and the police were called so there wouldn’t be any fighting. When his car was finally loaded with his stuff, he pulled away – never to be seen again. About 20 minutes later, an older woman and her son pulled up and walked into the house. I will introduce myself to her and welcome her to the neighborhood…
The next morning, it felt like something was lifted and I felt a “lightness” all around me. It has been 5 nights since Larry moved in and it has been peaceful and quiet. I know God’s timing is perfect, but this just blew me away that 2 days before he moved in, the situation was taken care of and I didn’t do a thing but trust God and send love. Did our attitude of seeing it as an “opportunity” to love rather than a “problem” have anything to do with it? I don’t know, but I am just very grateful for how it all worked out.
We all want to be appreciated; it feels good to be appreciated when we have done something nice for someone else. I go out of my way to appreciate others when they have done something nice or been kind to me. I love to compliment others when they have something pretty on or have beautiful eyes.
But, there is a problem when I obsessively look (outside) to others to love, accept and appreciate me. When that happens, I leave myself and lose myself because I want someone to fill the void, instead of me filling it with my own love, acceptance and appreciation. It’s been an interesting week to witness my “old behaviors rearing their ugly head.” Thankfully, I have the tools to come HOME to myself and take my power back.
We all have the power to depreciate or appreciate ourselves. The choice is ours. To depreciate means something has lost its value over the years. To appreciate means its value has increased and we recognize the quality, significance or magnitude of something. I am choosing to appreciate myself and recognize my value.
I shared with Larry, “I’m feeling stressed and I’m tired.” I know that moving is one of the top stressors, especially when combining households and letting go of things that are no longer useful to make room for Larry’s things. I’m also helping Larry get ready to move here and get rid of things he doesn’t need. On top of that, although I have truly enjoyed it, I have had friends staying at my home for the past few months. In addition, I have been preparing for a 4- day retreat which is the weekend before Larry moves in.
Although Larry was attentive and understanding when I shared my stress with him, I didn’t think he was really able to grasp the magnitude of my experience of stress. Perhaps I wanted sympathy, even though I said I wasn’t complaining, just acknowledging my feelings. I felt annoyed with him, which is an indication I am giving my power away. Deep down, I was looking to him to appreciate me and say, “You are doing such a great job and I would be stressed if I were you too.”
Looking to others, no matter how much they want to help or love us cannot and will not fill the “hole in our soul.” It will never be enough. They are not meant to fill us up, so no matter how hard they try, it is futile.
It is only God that can fill the “hole in our soul” because that is how we were created. What I have learned is that I need to give myself the love, acceptance and appreciation that I crave from others. Instead of looking to Larry to appreciate the magnitude of my stress, I needed to appreciate myself. It’s my appreciation that I crave, not the world’s.
When this awareness came to the light while I was praying, it felt like there was a shift inside of me and the stress lifted. I still had all same things to do, but I felt a new freedom inside. What I thought I needed from Larry, I gave to myself. This is what I did to re-focus and come HOME to myself.
- I wrote a list of 50 things that I appreciated about myself. What I appreciate, appreciate
- I listened to my son, Tim’s, visualization on loving, accepting and appreciating ourselves
- I focused on what was good and working in my life
- I increased my daily gratitude
- I forgave myself for giving my power away and leaving myself
- I focused on giving myself pleasure and having fun; i.e. swimming, walking, dancing, snorkeling
- I had a massage
- When I went to bed, I thought about all the things I appreciate about myself.
I depreciate my value and worth when I look to others for my value. I appreciate my value and worth when I give it to myself. Here are some things we do to depreciate ourselves on a daily basis. Which ones can you relate to?
- When we judge ourselves to be “not good enough” or strong enough
- When we say YES when we mean NO
- When we choose fear instead of love
- When we don’t speak our truth and live in integrity
- When we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings
- When we want to please others at the expense of ourselves
- When we don’t trust ourselves and our intuition
- When we beat up on ourselves and live from the “shoulds”
- When we try to control others
- When we procrastinate about making important decisions (or small ones)
- When we think we have all the answers and don’t listen to others
- When we don’t pray/meditate and depend on Spirit
- When we don’t take time for ourselves to enjoy life and use our gifts
- When we don’t live in the present moment and worry about the past or the future
- When we don’t know how to relax and just BE
- When we are unable or unwilling to forgive
- When we medicate our feelings through addictions i.e. alcohol, drugs, shopping, busyness, food, gambling, codependency
I am grateful for the daily lessons to grow and live my best life. We must be willing to go within and listen to our souls. We must be willing to change and do whatever we need to do to heal the “hole in our souls.” We have the POWER to change because the POWER is within us to live a magnificent life. I encourage you to live your life to the fullest, because you are worth it. We are not promised tomorrow.
As I started to write my blog this morning, I opened to a reading about faith that I would like to share with you. It’s from “Creative Ideas” by Ernest Holmes.
“Then we can rest in complete confidence that our words, spoken in faith, are the presence and power and activity of the Spirit in us. All sense of making things happen or holding thoughts or uncertainty is put aside, and with childlike acceptance we make known our requests with thanksgiving.”
It’s hard to believe that I moved into my beautiful home overlooking the ocean on April 15th of last year. Only a few days after that, my eyes and heart were opened to the love of my life, Larry. After being best friends for 2 years with no romantic feelings, it took me by surprise (my God is a God of surprises) when I started to have some stirrings within. I dropped the bomb on April 23rd when I informed him I was having feelings for him.
Now here it is almost a year later and Larry will be moving in on March 26th and we will be living in this beautiful home together. It’s a big move for both of us, but we both know in our hearts that it is the next right step for our relationship. I have been living alone for 15 years and Larry has been alone for 3 years so I am sure it will be a transition time for both of us, but we are both expecting it to flow with peace, ease and grace. We get what we expect, right!
Before I met my soul mate, I was concerned what it would look like because I liked my “alone time” and independence. I liked the freedom of doing what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. I didn’t want to lose myself as I did in past relationships. As a codependent, I looked to others to fill me and define me, rather than going within and filling myself up. I was also focused on others, at the expense of myself.
It took me many years to find myself and love myself and I didn’t want a new relationship to come in the way and destroy that. After being in a relationship with Larry for almost a year, I can truly say that my love relationship with myself has continued to grow and deepen. Today, I have myself and a man in my life that I can love and who loves and adores me. I think it’s called “interdependence” and it feels very healthy. It is not perfect, but we have learned to negotiate and focus on what’s important to both of us. Our time together is very precious and we take nothing for granted. Each day is a gift that we are grateful for.
As I have shared in past blogs, I “stepped out in faith” when I moved into my present home because my rent more than doubled. I know it was God’s grace that gave me the courage to take such a leap of faith because I truly didn’t know where the extra money was going to come from. I had a plan, but of course, I didn’t know if it was going to pan out the way I wanted it to. I know it is God’s plan, when after I’ve prayed about something and released it, the peace comes when I make my decision. I also live my faith walk by asking God to open or close the door for my highest good.
I am in “awe” and gratitude for how God has provided for me this past year and how the money flowed to me easily and effortlessly. I remember that the HOW is not up to me. I just need to follow my heart and the wisdom within and trust God’s faithfulness to His promises.
With Larry moving in, I had the opportunity to clean and get rid of things that I no longer needed. I was going through a box of personal things when I came across several of my “Intention Books” that I put together over the past 10 years. My intention books are like vision boards, but in a book form. I prayed daily with my intention books. I was truly moved as I saw the pictures, dreams and desires of my heart that I am now experiencing and living. Here are some of the highlights of what was in the books.
Louise Hay writes, “When we follow our inner star, we sparkle and shine in our own unique way.” So it is no surprise that Larry’s nickname for me is “Sparkle.”
I received this reading in 2008: “Have faith that God will continue to help and support you. You are about to take a leap in faith. It’s safe for you to make this leap. You are following your heart’s desire and wisdom and it will pay unforeseen dividends. Your steady optimism will attract opportunities and support your needs. “
Life is short. Live your dream. LIVE PLAY. Vision is having faith in your dreams. My soul mate and I hold the perfect space for one another within our open hearts. Imagine a life and LIVE it. The Lord has an incredible destiny for you.
This is a prayer I wrote several years ago. “I surrender all to you. I let go and let God, I release. I say YES to my life, your life within me. I say YES to all of life as I trust the Spirit within. All that I am and do, I give to God. I trust the will of God in my life to lead and guide me from this day forward. I surrender my dream and vision to God with complete faith that I will realize the best possible outcome. I fully accept my gifts and talents to be used in the service of others. Thank you for allowing me to share your love and be your voice in this world. I am deeply humbled and honored.”
My heart overflows with joy as I step into my life on a daily basis and allow God to surprise me. All I know for sure is that God wants only my good and everything I attract into my life is for my highest good. Love is all there is.
Author Melody Beattie writes, “Gratitude makes you happier. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Although it is my daily practice to be grateful for everything that comes into my life, whether I like it or not, I don’t always FEEL grateful. Sometimes it is a choice that I make because I know I will feel better and lighter if I practice gratitude. For example, I was driving in my car the other day and feeling kind of low as deep sadness welled up inside of me. I didn’t like how I was feeling, but I knew I needed to stay with it and allow whatever needed to be healed to come up. I know that happiness is an inside job and I will be as happy as I choose and want to be. I wanted to feel happy and not sad.
There is a delicate balance of admitting and allowing myself to feel my feelings so I can release and move through them and not staying “stuck in yuck” for longer than I need to. I had to let go of my need to control and figure out where the sadness was coming from. I needed to trust the process that it would be revealed to me in the right and perfect time. And it was!
My mood started to shift as I shouted out loud in my car, “I choose to be happy, I am happy. I am grateful.” I was definitely feeling better (not totally myself though) when I arrived at Larry’s house for dinner. Larry and I had had a “misunderstanding” the night before and I thought that could be a part of my sadness, but I wasn’t sure because the sadness I was feeling seemed to be way out of proportion to what happened with us. I knew it was “my stuff” from the past that was being triggered and coming up.
As Larry and I discussed our “misunderstanding” of the night before and each of our perceptions of what happened, the tears started to flow down my cheeks. It was like Spirit shone a light into my heart and I saw where the pain and sadness were coming from. It has been my experience that intimate relationships have a way of bringing up your “stuff” to be released and healed. Both Larry and I were triggered with “past stuff” and both experienced deep healing and transformation because of it. Thank you God because what sometimes feels like a set-back can really be a set-up by God. We were definitely set-up!
On another note, as I sat to write my blog today, I was definitely feeling gratitude for how things worked out for me this morning. Several weeks ago, while using the exercise bands at my aerobics class, I did something to my shoulder, but didn’t feel it until the next day. I have been icing it and using Arnica to help my healing. Although my shoulder was getting better, I still didn’t have full range of motion and it hurt when I moved it in a certain way.
I woke up on Friday morning and decided to go to the 9:30 a.m. aerobics class in the pool at the Fairmont Hotel. I knew water exercises were really good for healing, but I wasn’t sure what the best exercises would be. I didn’t want to re-injure it or make it worse. When I arrived, I was disappointed to see that the pool was empty and wondered if the class had been cancelled.
With that, this woman appeared before me and I heard her asking the woman sitting in the lounge chair, “Are you interested in joining the water aerobics class in the pool today?” I didn’t hear what the woman answered but I immediately piped up and said, “I am interested.” She smiled and said, “Great, we will do a class just for you.” Apparently, she had been walking around the pool and asking if anyone was interested in joining the class because she didn’t want to cancel it. She was about to leave when I “showed up.” When we got into the pool she smiled and said, “I am so glad you came, I really wanted to get in the pool today and teach a class.”
The instructor, Nancy said, “So Pat, tell me about what you need today.” I told her about what happened to my shoulder and that I was interested in exercises to strengthen my shoulder. For one hour, I had a private session with her that was totally focused on me and what I needed to do for my shoulder. My shoulder feels much better and now I know exactly what exercises to do to continue my healing.
One of the things that I love about living in Maui is how I have learned to live in the moment and follow the flow of what is before me. I followed my intuition on Friday morning to go to the water aerobics class and then had the opportunity to ask for what I wanted. Not only was I blessed to have a private lesson to focus on the best exercises for my shoulder, but the instructor, Nancy, was given the opportunity to share her gifts. A win-win for both of us.
So, all in all it’s been a great week of healing emotionally, spiritually and physically. I continue to practice gratitude, trusting everything is in perfect and divine timing.
I had just finished my walk and swim at the Fairmont Hotel when I decided to stand at the edge of the ocean and look out over the horizon. It was low tide and the ocean was calm with small waves. As I stood there looking out I noticed a young adult male who appeared to be physically/mentally challenged with goggles on walking into the ocean. As he walked deeper into the ocean, an older man, perhaps his brother reached out to him to grab his hand. At first the young adult refused help from his brother. It was like he wanted to do it by himself. Then, the brother became more insistent and they held hands and walked more deeply into the ocean together.
As the first wave began to break, the young adult looked fearful and started to turn back. With that, the brother grabbed him with both arms and they held each other tightly in a bear hug. I was so touched it brought tears to my eyes. When the wave passed, they gave each other a high five sign. I am sure that the young man felt excited that he didn’t turn back, but faced his fears. It looked like he did what he wanted to do and had enough. He walked out of the ocean by himself kind of jumping and kicking the water. I noticed his brother watched until he was safe on land and found his chair.
We are always being called into the ocean of Love, to go deeper with God. But we get afraid and think we have to do it by ourselves and then when the waves get big or the shit hits the fan, we turn around and go back to where we came from. We forget that it is God inviting us into the ocean and is within us and holding us. I am reminded that we are always being invited to something bigger and better in our lives. Love is always giving, that is all Love can do.
Where have you turned back in your life because of fear? For 1 year I put my “book to bed” which was almost completed because of fear. My denial was so strong that I really didn’t know it was fear until I was ready to face it and do something about it. I also dropped out of college in my junior year for one year due to fear because I didn’t think I could write a 20 page paper. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree, then went on for a Master’s degree and had to write a paper every month for 17 months. It is hard to describe the feeling of exhilaration when I walked across the stage for my diploma, truly a highlight in my life that I will never forget.
I am not beating up on myself because I believe everything is in perfect and right order. I shudder to think where my life would be if I hadn’t faced my fears and had my book published. My book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” has opened many doors for me, including living in Maui on the ocean and finding my soul mate. As I am writing this, the radio is playing “My faith with lead me on.” I encourage you to let your faith lead you on.
Where is God calling you to come deeper into the ocean? Only you know the desires of your heart and what keeps you stuck and going back. Over the years, I have counseled many women who were in unhealthy/abusive marriages (including myself) and they felt trapped and fearful. What a joy to see them takes steps to free themselves and now have healthy loving relationships. It takes courage and strength to leave something or someone that is familiar or comfortable, but just not working anymore for you. It may not be a marriage, but a job that is killing you and you hate it. Your gifts are not being used and you know there is something more for you to do. God may be calling you to take a risk and do something different. It may be something you have always wanted to do, but felt afraid and didn’t think you could do it. Remember, with God, all things are possible.
Like the young adult, we often don’t want to accept help and think we can do it by ourselves. Is that our pride and ego? Do we not want to appear weak in the eyes of others so we act like we know what we are doing? It’s important to know when we need help and when we need to do things by ourselves so we know we can do it and that we are strong.
Rather than it being a weakness, I truly think it is a sign of strength when we know we need help and can ask for it. The young adult in the ocean finally accepted his brothers help by holding his hand and they were able to ride the wave together. There is always help available for us. God is always with us, ready to guide us and to keep us safe.
I have learned that it is important for me to spend time alone to go within and to meditate so I know what I need to do next in my life and to hear the small, still voice of God within. It is impossible to hear God’s voice if we are busy running around in circles or taking care of everybody, but ourselves. All our answers are within, but it sometimes takes another person we trust to help us sort things out to know what is true and what are false beliefs about ourselves and life.
Fear is an illusion. It is also called False Evidence Appearing Real. Feel the fear and do it anyway. This is your life to lead and we are not promised tomorrow. All we have is today. Say YES to God, to the Universe, to yourself and watch the magic begin.
I would love to hear from you and how you have worked through some of your fears and are on the other side and living the life of your dreams. If you would like prayers because you are stuck in fear and want to move forward in your life, I would be happy to do that for you.
Larry and I had just finished our dance and sat down to rest. I heard DJ Frank announce that the next song was for Pat. I knew the song, “You Are My Special Angel,” but didn’t recognize the significance for me at first. I knew I was the only Pat at the dance but had no idea why they would be playing it for me.
Then I saw Frank’s wife, Sandy, smile at me from across the room and say, “This is for you.” I grabbed Larry’s arm to get up and dance with me. After the dance, Sandy came over to me and said, “We just finished your book and this is the song in your book, right? I said with tears in my eyes, “Yes, it is.” It was a very special song because my grandmother used to sing it to me and called me her “Angel.” I cried my eyes out when I heard the song the day my father died while I was shopping for a dress for his funeral.
I thanked Frank for playing the song at the Valentines dance for me. What a surprise and gift of love I received. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up and I knew she loved me unconditionally. Larry loves me unconditionally and I hadn’t thought of that until this moment. He calls me his “Queen.”
When I returned home after the dance, I re-read a few chapters in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I read Chapter 5 “Messages from Heaven” How God Speaks through Songs.
“I dragged myself to the consignment shop to look for a dress to wear for dad’s funeral. I couldn’t concentrate and half-heartedly looked through the racks of clothing trying to find a dress. Honey began playing on the radio. I stood frozen in place for a few minutes, then put my face in my hands and sobbed. The owner of the shop walked over to me. I looked up when she asked, “Are you alright? What’s wrong?” “My father just died,” I blurted out through sobs and tears. I explained to her about the significance of the song Honey that had just played on the radio. Honey was my mother’s name and she died when I was 21 years old. She reached out to touch my shoulder, as I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
Five minutes later, the song “Daddy’s Little Girl” came on the radio. My dad often sang that song to me and it always brought tears to my eyes. Everyone cried when he held me in his arms on my wedding day and we danced to “Daddy’s Little Girl.” God answered my prayer – to feel my dad’s presence. Hearing the songs only a few hours after he passed away was truly amazing. I found a dress or shall I say the dress found me – I certainly wasn’t in my right mind. As I paid and prepared to leave, “You are My Special Angel” began to play on the radio. My grandmother called me “Angel.” Within a half hour, I heard three songs that touched my heart; from my mother, father and grandmother.”
I also read Chapter 15 “I Want All of You and I Will Be Enough” How to Prepare for your Soul Mate – The God Way. I was amazed to read the affirmation that I had written about my soul mate in the book at least 15 years ago and how accurate it was.
“I am creating and expecting a loving, kind, joyful, spiritual, honest, healthy relationship with my soul mate. He will be playful, fun and will love to laugh. He will be as crazy about me as I am about him. We will both be growing spiritually, on the same path, sharing, growing and loving. He will love to dance as I do and we will dance into the sunset together. There will be no blocks or fear. We will get along fabulously. We will love each other, love being together as well as being alone.”
God answers prayer because this is truly describing who Larry is and the relationship that we have created together. We love to play, laugh and have fun. And we love to dance and are always sharing about spiritual ideas.
Two years ago Larry called and asked me to go to dinner on Valentine’s Day. When I got off the phone, I panicked and called my girlfriend for advice. Larry and I were really good friends, but I didn’t have any romantic feelings for him. I was concerned that if I said yes to going out to dinner with him on Valentine’s Day he might get the wrong idea. I called him back and was honest with him. I said, “I would love to go out to dinner with you, but I am not interested in a romantic relationship.” He was very gracious and said, “That is fine, I know we are friends and I respect that.” I’m so grateful for Larry’s patience and that I trusted myself and what I was feeling.
Here we are two years later celebrating Valentine’s Day as partners and sharing our lives and love together. For whatever reasons, it wasn’t God’s timing for us to be partners two years earlier. What I know today is that I can trust God’s perfect timing and the Divine plan for my life.
God had given me the desire of my heart to meet my soul mate. I knew it would be fulfilled in His time and His way. I prayed this affirmation daily for many years. “My soul mate is lovingly and effortlessly coming into my life.” While I waited for my soul mate, I learned to love and trust myself. I treated myself like a queen and made myself happy. All I can say is that it was worth the wait and it has been fulfilled in His way and His time. LOVE IS ALL THERE IS.
“Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems. If I cannot accept every person, place and thing as exactly as it is, I will not have peace.” paraphrased from AA Big Book. Acceptance is about letting go and trusting God.
I had the opportunity to practice accepting “what is” this week and saw powerful results. It could have easily turned out to be a negative event, but instead turned out to be glorious and better than I had ever expected.
For Christmas my friend Kati and I bought tickets for a ferry boat ride to the island of Lanai. Lanai is a small quaint island which is only 1 hour away from Maui by ferry. We both love the ocean and were excited as we anticipated watching the whales jumping out of the water as we crossed the ocean to Lanai. We planned our trip for after Christmas.
The day began at 7:30 a.m. with the sun shining brightly. We arrived on time to take the 9:15 a.m. ferry and our return ferry was scheduled for 4:30 p.m. We decided to count the miracles as they happened during the day. The ferry ride over to Lanai was fun as we chatted with interesting people and watched the whales jumping out of the water in front of us.
When we arrived in Lanai and walked to the Four Seasons hotel from the ferry, we were surprised to see construction going on at the hotel and it was quite noisy-not what we were expecting. “Our plan” was to take the free shuttle into Lanai City to have lunch, shop and walk around to see the sights and then come back and swim in the Four Seasons pool. When we asked the man at the desk, “When is the shuttle leaving?” He said, “There aren’t any shuttles until late this afternoon, but I would be happy to call you a taxi. “How much does the taxi cost?” I asked. He said, “It costs $10 per person each way.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “No way.” This was only a short ride to Lanai City and we didn’t want to pay that kind of money. Kati said, “Well, we can just stick around the lobby and see if we can catch a ride with someone going into Lanai City.” I answered, “Yes, that sounds like a great idea and I am up for an adventure.”
After ½ hour of waiting and praying for direction, we realized “our plan” wasn’t working and we needed to go back to the drawing board and decide what we wanted to do next. Although we each expressed our disappointment with how the day was going so far, we both agreed to accept “what is” and not complain. It was getting close to lunch time and we were getting hungry so instead of going into Lanai City, we decided to have lunch at the hotel and then spend a leisurely afternoon at the pool.
As the waitress led us to our table, we felt like “queens” and were thrilled to be seated at a table overlooking the ocean. We ordered our food and were sitting quietly when all of a sudden we noticed some activity in the ocean that didn’t look like whales. As we looked closer, we realized it was dolphins playing and jumping out of the water right in front of us. We were amazed because there had to be hundreds of dolphins giving us a spectacular show that lasted for over an hour. Kati and I just looked at one other with such gratitude in our hearts because if we had gone into Lanai City as we planned we would have missed this amazing gift of nature.
We finished our lunch and shared a delicious chocolate dessert together. We were now ready to relax and go for a swim in the beautiful pool. We found two lounge chairs with umbrellas to keep us cool. When the attendant brought us over our towels, he asked, “What is your name?” Not expecting any problems because we have been enjoying Maui’s pools since we have been here, I smiled and said, “Hastings.” He then said, “Are you staying at the hotel because the pool is only for guests.” Kati said, “No, but we just spent a lot of money for lunch at the hotel and we thought it would be o.k. to swim in the pool.” Wrong, we were told that we had to leave NOW.
Can you see it? The “queens” were being kicked out of the Four Seasons hotel because we weren’t guests. We felt indignant at first because this had never happened to us before (perhaps a bit of denial on our part.) He took our towels back as we dried off and walked away.
We were being offered another opportunity to accept “what is” and change directions. We decided to take an earlier ferry back to Maui which we thought was leaving at 2:30 p.m. We walked back to the ferry and were shocked when there was no ferry waiting for us. It had left at 2:00 p.m. and we now had 2 ½ hours with nothing to do.
This was getting more difficult to accept “what is” but we knew it was another opportunity to stay in gratitude and not complain. Kati looked on the ground and found a penny and then another penny and then a dime. We laughed and said, “We are rich because we are receiving pennies from heaven.”
Then the miracle happened. We turned around and noticed a shady area with trees and colored chairs that looked very inviting. We quickly made our way to the chairs and “bumped” into the Captain of the Triology. The Triology is considered one of Maui’s best snorkeling boats. As we chatted with Captain Ryan and told him our plight of missing the ferry back and being kicked out of the Four Seasons, he smiled and said, “Would you like to come back on the Trilogy with us?” Not only did we travel in style, but we were invited to have supper with the folks on the boat and were served free drinks and ice-cream Sundays. And the whales and dolphins were incredible. How much better can it get than this? Here are the lessons we learned:
- We kept laughing and going within to ask Spirit to lead and guide us.
- We were willing to change directions, change our perspective, be flexible, go with the flow and not push “Our plan.” We knew there was a “Divine Plan” that was unfolding.
- We allowed ourselves to feel the disappointment and then let it go.
- We chose not to complain, to stay in gratitude and accept “What is.”
- We asked for what we wanted and were willing to receive.
- We knew that when we missed the ferry, there would be a better opportunity for us and there was- the Trilogy.
- We asked to be aware of miracles and expected miracles before we started the day..
When we change our perspective, stay positive and trust, the Universe mirrors back to us what is inside of us. What if everything that looks negative or not what we want can be turned around for our good? What looks like a setback can actually be a set up by God.
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- God provided everything I needed at yard sales
- God is using Larry as an instrument of healing my unhealed sexual wounds
- I call her “Sparkle” & she inspires me
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