People say. “If I’m always setting goals and reaching for the future, then am I not squandering my now?” And we say if in your now you’re using a future event to make you feel good, you are still feeling good in your now. And that’s the best use of now that you could ever find.  Abraham

I really like this quote because it reminds me of something I have been doing for a very long time and that is “acting as if.” It reminds me of faith-which is believing in something you cannot see. 

When I went to Bermuda for the first time by myself 22 years ago, I frequented one of the nicest hotels and “acted as if” I was Mrs. Astor. I swam in the pool and sat on the deck overlooking the ocean.  It was so much fun imagining I was wealthy and prosperous. I have to laugh because I still frequent the finest hotels while living in Maui.

We are given the opportunity to “act as if” in many areas of our lives. Even when I don’t feel it, I “act as if” I am healed, abundant, whole, perfect, happy and joyful.  I “act as if” I have the perfect and right relationship, job, home and finances. When I feel afraid, I “act as if” I am courageous. And it works.  We “act as if” something is already done, like making a vision board with all your dreams on it.   

I am still “acting as if” and enjoying the life I have created in Maui. For example, last night when I took my sunset walk along the beach, and sat on the lounge chair at the Marriott Hotel, I spotted the table (overlooking the ocean) set for 2 with fine linens and silverware. I wondered who the lucky couple was who were going to be dining there. I heard someone say that is cost $600 to have this special table with their own private waitress.

I wanted to be that woman who was going to be wined and dined sitting at the table overlooking the ocean. “Why not me,” I said to myself. Since the couple hadn’t arrived yet and the waitress was waiting patiently, I walked over and asked the waitress to take MY picture at the table. She smiled and said, “Sure, I would be happy to do that.”

As I walked back to my lounge chair to watch when the lucky couple would arrive, a woman stopped me and said, “Oh, you must be the woman who will be wined and dined tonight.” I smiled and said, “No, not this time, but I just had my picture taken, so I will remember how it feels to be wined and dined with a special table on the ocean.” I “acted as if” I was that woman who would be dining on the ocean. I will keep you posted!

I would like to share a story from my book, Simply a Woman of Faith as an example of “acting as if” and stepping out in faith.

“We both sensed we were being guided to look for another house to buy. We found an affordable house we liked and felt strongly God was leading us and would provide the money somehow.

A friend of ours suggested that my husband apply for a VA loan since he was a

veteran and would be eligible. We scheduled an appointment to meet with the manager in two weeks. “I’m sorry Mr. Hastings. It’s unlikely you’d be eligible for a mortgage with all your money tied up in your new business.” “I know, but I can still apply, right?” my husband answered. “Yes, you can. I just want to be up front with you about the unlikelihood of it going through.” My husband thanked him and said, “I’ll give it a chance.”

Our real estate agent knew about our faith and that we were trusting God to get us the house. She tried to be positive, but it was obvious she had her doubts. She called one day and said, “Pat, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket. What if this house falls through? What will you do?” Are you sure it’s a good

idea to give your notice at the townhouse before you know for sure you can get a

mortgage?”

“Thank you Darlene for your concern. I know it doesn’t look good on paper, but my

husband and I are certain it’s God’s will and it will go through.” Sometimes, it’s just

God’s grace that gives you that kind of certainty – a knowing deep within. We stepped out in faith and gave our notice at the townhouse. We started packing boxes, “acting as if” all was well. We didn’t hear anything for a while and hoped that was a good sign.

With only two weeks left before the closing of the house, we became nervous. The boxes were stacked high in the living room and dining room – we were moving, no matter what. When I answered the phone, I could hear the hesitation in Darlene’s voice that she didn’t have good news. I took a deep breath and listened carefully.

“Pat, this is Darlene, I’m sorry but I just got a phone call from the manager of Sovereign bank. Your mortgage wasn’t approved. I’m sorry, I know how you were

trusting God.”

“Is there anything we can do?” I blurted out. “Would you give me the manager’s name at the bank? Maybe my husband can call him and explain our situation.” “I’m really not supposed to do this. I could get fired……but, I’ll give it to you, if you don’t tell anyone where you got it from.” “Thank you, I promise we won’t tell.” I immediately called my friend Charlene to pray together on the phone. We asked God for a miracle.

I called my husband and gave him the bad news. “Joe, Darlene just called and told me we weren’t approved for the mortgage.” “What? That can’t be. Can I call someone?” “Yes, Darlene gave me the manager’s name at the bank. It’s Mr. Simeone, but don’t tell him where you got his name.” Joe called the bank and got directly through to the manager.

“Mr. Simeone, this is Joe Hastings. I recently applied for a VA mortgage at your

bank. We just got the news that we weren’t approved.” “Why are you calling me? What do you want me to do about it?” he answered abruptly. “I’m just asking to see if there’s anything you can do for us. Maybe there’s been a mistake.”

“I’ll check it out and call you back.” A half hour later he called my husband back and said, “Mr. Hastings, I completely agree with this disposition. You weren’t approved because your money is tied up in the new business.” Silence. For some unknown reason the manager then asked my husband, “What makes you think that this business is going to be successful?” My husband doesn’t even remember what he said, but made up some story of why he thought it would succeed. “It’s the only Christian bookstore in the area and I know it’s going to be successful.”

To my husband’s surprise and delight, the manager replied, “Okay, I’ll approve it.”

Divine intervention. It was our faith, “acting as if”, trust and prayer that moved mountains. We did our part and God did His. I couldn’t wait to call Darlene and tell her the good news.

“Darlene, Joe just finished talking to Mr. Simone at the bank and he approved our

mortgage.” “Wow. You must know someone upstairs. I have a stack of mortgages here in front of me that didn’t qualify and they were much better than yours. Can I send them over to you?”

Where do you need to “act as if” and believe God is acting on your behalf? Faith is trusting that God will provide and everything will work out for my highest good and for the good of all involved. Faith is believing in myself and that I have everything I need inside of me. Sometimes I must “act as if” and see it on the inside until I can believe it in my heart and it becomes a reality.

“In my heart I accept my perfect being. I accept that the joy I have intended is already in my life. I accept that the love I have prayed for is already in me. I accept that the peace I have asked for is already my reality. I accept that the abundance I have sought already fills my life.”

I really enjoy spending time with my friend, Larry, because we both like sharing about Love and what spirituality means to us. Our conversations just flow and are so meaningful and thought provoking. When we were leaving the Palms Restaurant last night after our 2 ½ hour “happy hour” conversation about the importance of gratitude in our lives, I said, “The more grateful we are, the more God blesses us and gives us more.” I then said, “I just realized I am not afraid anymore.” I laughed and said, “Watch, tomorrow I will be hit with fear.” I have to remember to watch my words!

I woke up the next morning to a text on my phone. Back in January, when my new tenants moved into my condo in Rhode Island, I had to have some major work done before they moved in. The work was completed, but I never received a bill from the company. I called them to remind them that they hadn’t sent the bill a few months ago. I still hadn’t received the bill, until this morning. The text read, “Please send me your address so I can send you the bill for the work completed.” I had no idea what the bill was going to be and my Imagination went a little wild.  

Immediately, fear reared its ugly head. I thought, “What if I run out of money? I “should” start looking for a job to bring in money, I won’t have enough money to go back and visit my kids every year in Rhode Island. I won’t be able to stay in Maui.”  Yikes! Where did that come from?

              Have you ever worried and felt afraid that you would run out of money?  Be honest!

The good news is that I recognized my distorted thinking immediately and knew that I needed to change my thinking! I knew this was scarcity/lack thinking and that it is not the truth of who I am anymore. I needed to remind myself that even though I am a spiritual being, I am still human and will experience fear and all my emotions at one time or another.  There was a time in my life that fear ruled my life and I cried myself to sleep because I felt so much fear.  As soon as I sat down to pray and meditate, I felt the peace return and this is what I opened up to in one of my daily spiritual books.

“I, the Creator of the Universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with me at a deep level. I offer abundant life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the results you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to MY Presence. Stop all you striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the lord.”  

It is my belief that God wants us to TRUST and thank Him/Her for everything that happens in our lives. I hear God saying to me, “Pat, relax and trust me. Let go of the “How” things will work out. Know that I am your Source and am taking care of you.” The question for me is “Can I really trust God and relax when most of my life I have had to “work hard” and make things happen?” I am so grateful because my life is so blessed now and every once in a while my ego gets in the way and there is fear that it will be taken away and won’t last. Like, this is too good to be true. Have you ever felt that way when things were going really great?

I am happy and peaceful when I surrender my will to God’s will and let go of trying to control how my life unfolds. When I think back over my life, there has never been a time where God hasn’t provided and sometimes miraculously! For those of you who haven’t read my book, Simply a Woman of Faith, I would love to share a part of Chapter IV “Buy it and I will Provide.”   I hope you enjoy it as much as I love telling it.

“My husband had been unemployed for a year, and we had four children under the age of ten. I swallowed my pride and applied for food stamps and welfare. I will never forget the feeling of humiliation when I stood in line waiting at the welfare office. God, I’m so embarrassed. I want to disappear. I can’t believe this is happening to us. I’m at the end of my rope, and you have to do something quick. Haven’t we been through enough? Even though we struggled a lot during that time and didn’t know where the money was coming from to pay the monthly bills, God always provided. We never went without food or shelter. And we never missed a mortgage payment.

On the day that I bought my God-blouse, I had some time to kill as I waited to pick up the children from school. I’ll just mull around the corner boutique. Even if I don’t have money, I can still window shop, I told myself. I took my time browsing around the store, looking at all the pretty summer clothes on display. I wish I had money to buy something, God.

I spotted the clearance sale sign in the back of the store and quickly walked over to the clothing rack I had no intention of buying anything, but the blouse jumped out at me. I fell in love with it. The delicate soft pink roses on the collar of the blouse looked pretty and would look great with my black pants.

Wow, it’s only ten dollars, I thought to myself. I wanted to forget that my husband was out of work and I couldn’t afford it.   

You don’t need a blouse Pat; you have plenty of clothes in your closet, my conscience argued. As I reluctantly placed it back on the rack, I heard that small still voice of God say: BUY IT AND I WILL PROVIDE I pulled out my wallet to see how much money I had in it. I had a ten dollar bill tucked away in the billfold. And in Massachusetts, clothing was tax free. I had exactly the right money to buy that blouse-no more, no less.

God, did I hear you right? BUY IT AND I WILL PROVIDE Is my imagination running wild? If I spend the money on a blouse, where will I get the money to buy milk and bread on my way home? I wanted to believe it was God, but could I trust myself? In the past, miracles happened when I listened to God. I prayed quietly to myself and listened. My gut was saying – trust God and buy the blouse.

I picked up the children from school and drove directly home (not saying a word to anyone about my purchase.) I grabbed the mail from the mailbox as I walked in the house, hoping there weren’t any bills.

Nothing important, the usual junk mail, I thought to myself. What’s this? A letter with no return address on it? Who could this be from?

I quickly opened it, eager to see what was inside. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the crisp new ten-dollar bill tucked inside the note card. As I read the simple, but profound message written in the card, I started to tremble from head to foot. Oh my God, I shouted as the tears streamed down my cheeks. Who sent this to me? I frantically searched for a name, but there was no name anywhere. Sprawled across the handwritten note was simply,

                                                         To Pat, From the Son of a Carpenter

Filled with awe and gratitude, I couldn’t stop laughing and crying at the same time. God provides, but I didn’t expect it so dramatically and so quickly. I still don’t know who sent the card and money – and probably never will. The person who sent it listened to the small still voice of God and obeyed. Twenty five years later, I still wear my God-blouse and get compliments. It’s always an opportunity to tell the story of God’s magnificent love.”

As an inspirational speaker, I have shared this story countless times and I love to watch the expressions on people’s faces; their eyes widen and mouths open. They probably think to themselves, “Is she kidding me and is she for real?”  But, they never forget the story of how God provided!  I have had people come up to me years later and say “I still remember your God-Blouse story.”

Our God is a God of surprises and wants to provide for all of our needs. I must be open to receiving all the good God has for me. In the past, I have blocked God’s blessings because I didn’t feel deserving. Do you block God’s good because you don’t feel worthy or deserving? God hears all of our prayers and knows all of our needs. Sometimes our prayers are answered right away and we manifest immediately. Sometimes, we have to wait and we learn patience and trust. What I know for sure is that God’s timing is perfect and I am in the perfect and right place in my life. And so are you!

]]> http://www.simplyawomanoffaith.com/fear-reared-its-ugly-head-what-if-i-run-out-of-money/feed 0 http://www.simplyawomanoffaith.com/i-never-felt-good-enough-didnt-know-how-to-relax http://www.simplyawomanoffaith.com/i-never-felt-good-enough-didnt-know-how-to-relax#comments Tue, 28 May 2013 05:28:51 +0000 admin http://www.simplyawomanoffaith.com/?p=2928

A few months ago, I received an email from a woman named Karen. I met Karen at a conference in Rhode Island about 5 or 6 years ago. She explained that she was coming to Maui for Life Coach training in May.  Since she receives my weekly inspirational blogs, she knew that I lived in Maui and asked if I could recommend a place to stay before and after the conference. I wrote back and invited her to stay with me. Even though we didn’t know one another well, I felt happy to reach out and have her stay with me. She thought it was a great idea and accepted the invitation.

We both woke up at the same time and as I came out of my bedroom, she asked, “Pat, How did you sleep?”  I said, “I was awake at 4 am and God was speaking to me about the both of us. I would like to do my prayer and meditation first and then we can talk.” She said, “Ok.” Then she immediately said, “I love turtles and I’m seeing them all over this place.” I was shocked because I had no idea that she loved turtles and I was about to give her the sea glass turtle. I then said, “We need to talk now.”  I put the turtle in her hand and we sat on the couch as I shared what happened in the middle of the night. Her mouth opened and she said, “You are kidding me, right?” She held the turtle in her hand and sat quietly as I read the chapter to her.

A friend told me that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within.  When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within. I’ve rushed all my life.  I had to get things done quickly and I never took my time with anything. Rushing puts you into adrenaline overload and drenches the body in epinephrine, a hormone stimulated by stress, anger or fear.  

God showed me it started when I was seven years old growing up in my alcoholic home.  I never knew if promises were going to be kept because of the drinking.  I didn’t know if my mom would be there when I got home from school or if she would be drunk.  She would often take off for days and nobody knew where she was.  It was scary being a little girl and not knowing if my mother was dead or alive when she didn’t come home.  I never heard the phrase “Take your time” growing up. It was always “Hurry up.”

I knew that If I wanted peace in my life, I had to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. I had to slow down, be conscious and learn to live in the moment.  I asked God for the grace to slow down and relax.  With this new awareness of my rushing and the damage it was doing to me, I started to observe the many areas in my life that I rushed. I walked fast, I drove fast, and I ate fast. I even talked fast and sometimes finished others’ sentences for them.

I recently drove my son Jimmy to the airport and gave myself plenty of time to get there. We were half way there when he looked over at me and said, “Mom, why are you driving so slowly?” “I’m practicing being in the moment and not rushing,” I said. “You don’t need to practice when I’m in the car,” he answered with a grin.”

Karen thanked me when I finished reading her the chapter. She really related to it and was able to see her own rushing addiction that she really wanted God to change. She said, “I never thought of it as being abusive to myself.”

Reading her the chapter was not only a gift to her, but a gift to me because I realized how God had answered my prayer and given me the grace to change. My book was published 6 years ago, and today I have more peace in my heart and soul than I have ever had. What is better than a peaceful heart? Peace and happiness go together. Those who live in peace, live in joy.

Since moving to Maui, I truly have slowed down and have learned to just BE and live in the present moment. If I find myself tempted to rush, I quickly remind myself that it is abusive and not who I am anymore.  I am living heaven on earth and have been transformed by Spirit. It is never too late to change. Ask Spirit for what you need and want. Expect and believe your prayers are answered. You are worth it!

May the God of the present moment be with you, slowing you down, revealing to you the sacred gift hidden in each moment of your day. May you develop a reflective heart, able to be present to life, a heart that can take time to move beyond the visible to touch the precious mystery of life and living.

I had just finished my prayer when the phone rang. It was my friend Donna from Massachusetts. We chatted for a while catching up and sharing our lives with one another. We were about to get off the phone when she said, “Oh, my daughter and her boyfriend broke up right before Easter and guess why they broke up?” I had no idea and said, “Why?” Donna said, “He wants to be a priest, so it is bitter sweet. Of course, she is heartbroken, but handling it the best she can. Then Donna said, “Here is the miracle. My daughter went back to college and someone knocked on her door and asked if she would be a part of the committee for the Catholic group at the college. My daughter said, “But I am Protestant.” They said, “That is ok, we want you.” She thought about it and said, “Yes, I will do it.” After that, they invited her to a 4 – day conference in San Diego, all expenses paid.Right after the breakup, Donna told her daughter, “If not this, then something better.” She said, “I never thought God would work so quickly!” While her daughter’s heart had a crack in it, God was helping to heal it nicely.I was so happy for her daughter and how God provided this opportunity for her, especially in her time of need.

As I took my walk along the ocean that afternoon, I thought about Donna’s daughter and how that opportunity just “CAME TO HER.” I love it when things come to me and I know they are from Spirit. I have had many opportunities, both big and small come to me out of nowhere. I have an example of what happened this morning when I went “yard sailing” I had an unexpected guest stay over for two nights and she slept on the couch. I found the sheets that I had bought a while ago tucked away in a suitcase. The only problem was that I only had a bottom sheet – no top sheet or pillow case. Of course, she didn’t care and we made do with what I had. Next week, I invited a friend to stay over for a couple of nights before and after her conference in Maui.

I often go “yard sailing” on Saturday mornings, but when I woke up this Saturday morning, I didn’t feel like going and decided to have a quiet morning with a walk and swim in the ocean. As I drove to the ocean later in the day, I spotted a yard sale on the way and decided to stop. I spotted the pillow case immediately and bought it for $.25 -and it was the exact same color as the bottom sheet I had at home.Thank you God, you provide for all of my needs. I went to the beach and on my way home; I stopped at another yard sale right on my street. Guess what I bought for one dollar? A top sheet and it was also the same green color as the bottom sheet and pillow case. This is a small example of how God knows our needs and provides at the perfect and right time – when we trust and believe.

I’d like to share a story from my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” that happened about 20 years ago. God provided the exact amount of money for me to go on a vacation to Bermuda and it came to me,quite unexpectedly and miraculously.

The chapter is “God is my Travel Agent.” With the stress of my husband being unemployed and my own personal problems dealing with sexual abuse that I was working through, my body screamed out for attention. I experienced one sleepless night after another, and constant tension headaches during the day. I desperately needed peace and tranquility. I felt headed for a nervous breakdown and knew I needed to just do something for myself, away from my family responsibilities.

God speaks to me through my dreams and several times a week during that time, I dreamt about going to Bermuda. I pay attention when I have recurring dreams because God uses them to get my attention. “Okay, God, I’ll go to a travel agency and at least check it out.” I went to the travel agency and said, “I want a safe place for a woman to travel alone.” I had never gone away by myself, especially out of the country. “Yes, Bermuda is the place to go,” she answered. “In fact, we have some great deals that I would be glad to show you. I’ve traveled there myself several times and it’s safe. I have the perfect hotel for you.” I instantly fell in love with Angel’s Grotto. The picture on the brochure said it all – overlooking a pristine stretch of pink sand and Turquoise Ocean. It looked like the perfect getaway.

I thought to myself. I’ll never be able to afford this. What am I doing God? I haven’t even told my husband about it. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind, especially since his unemployment runs out and he doesn’t have a job yet. I reluctantly asked, “What does this all cost?” “Only $1,200, everything included. You can’t beat a price like that. Shall I book it?” “Well, yes,” I stammered. “But I have to check with my husband first and see if he’s okay with it. I’ll call you tomorrow.” It seemed like a good deal, but I didn’t have $1200. I didn’t even have $100. As I began to mull it over, the guilt set in and my inner critic attacked relentlessly. “Who do you think you are even thinking about going away? You’re selfish and self- centered. You don’t deserve this. You’re only thinking about yourself.”

I prayed and asked God to guide me. I asked Him to shut the door if this wasn’t His will and open it if it was. Slowly and deliberately, I changed my thinking. “I am deserving and there’s nothing to be guilty about. God is the source of everything and will provide.” When I went home, I said to my husband, “I’m thinking about going to Bermuda on vacation – by myself.” “Oh! Where are you going to get the money?”, he asked. I said, “I’m praying in the money and if God wants me to go, He/She will open the door and provide the money and if not, I won’t go.”

I prayed, waited and watched the money come in. I jumped at it when I received a $50 check from the telephone company inviting me to change carriers. I put an ad in the newspaper for a white fur coat I no longer wore. I only received one phone call inquiring about the coat. When she came and tried it on, she thought it was a bargain for $50.

A few weeks later, I ran into a neighbor while taking a walk. It surprised the heck out of me when she asked, “Pat, do you know of anyone who can help me with my ninety year old mother who just came home from the hospital? I don’t want her to be alone at night. I’m with her in the day and will prepare her evening meal.” “What exactly does the person need to do?” I asked, “I need someone to come over at five o’clock and sit with her while she has her dinner. They would help her to bed right after supper, and stay with her four hours a night during the week.” “I’m interested.” I thought I would jump out of my skin with excitement. “I can pay ten bucks an hour. Does that work for you?” “Yes, I’d be glad to help your mother. When do I start?” “Next week would be great.” The money I made quickly added up and I achieved my $1,200 goal in no time. God opened the door and provided all the money I needed to go to Bermuda.

We have a God that loves us so much and knows all of our needs, even before we know what we need. Sometimes, we ask, like I did for the money for Bermuda and other times, we are provided for without even asking. I didn’t ask for the pillow case and sheet, even though I needed them. I love the concept of open and closed doors as a way of praying and being guided. I trust if the door is closed, it was not meant to be and is for my highest good. If the door opens, I walk through with peace, ease and grace knowing I am in God’s divine will.

Something happened this week that reminded me of how I processed conflicting feelings at the same time. It felt like a “flashback” of a very difficult time in my life with one of my children 16 years ago. This is what happened: I woke up startled in the middle of the night with banging on the front door. I quickly grabbed my robe and ran down the stairs. A parent’s worst nightmare was about to happen. A policeman was standing at the door and I can still remember the terror I felt as if it were yesterday. “Mrs. Hastings, your son was in a very bad accident and he is in Rhode Island hospital.” I blurted out, “What happened, is he okay?” “I am sorry, but we cannot give you any information. We have been trying to call you, but your phone has been busy. I found out later that it was accidentally off the hook.

I ran upstairs and woke my husband up to tell him the news. I threw on something and we were in the car racing to the hospital, following the police car. We didn’t say a word to one another and of course my mind raced to the worst scenario. When we arrived at the emergency room, the nurse escorted us into the room my son was in. I will never forget the pain in my heart to see my 16 year old son wounded and crying out in pain. A short time later, I just about fainted and couldn’t breathe. I had never had a panic attack before, but I had one that night and I was put on a stretcher outside my son’s room. My husband went back and forth between my son and me.

My son has rods in his leg and arm that are permanent from the car accident.  When I saw the pictures of the car, I realized they should not be alive and I was so grateful that they were all alive. Shortly after that, I found out that they had been to a club and had smoked pot that night. I was so angry. I remember having the same feelings at the same time – gratitude and anger.

I had the “flashback” because of a similar experience of having conflicting feelings at the same time this week. I asked myself, “How am I to process this and hold the energy of these conflicting feelings?” This is what happened. A close friend of mine shared something wonderful that happened to her and I was so excited for her. A couple of hours later, another close friend shared something that was devastating to him. I was experiencing the same thing, both the gratitude and the devastation at the same time. I asked myself, “Could I be present for both of them at the same time”? With God’s grace, I was able to be present for both of my friends.

We never know what life is going to give us, do we? One minute we are high on life and everything is going smoothly. The next minute we are experiencing a great loss and may feel devastated or betrayed. All I know for sure is that whatever is happening in my life will work out for the good because of my faith and trust in God. Everything that is happening in your life is for a reason and ultimately to grow your soul.

That same day, I received an email from my friend Karen and it put things into perspective for me and reminded me to rise above “victimhood and poor me attitude” when things don’t go the way I want them to go or when a loved one is struggling and in pain.  This is the email she sent:    

“You have chosen to walk this journey with many other souls. Each and every one of them is in your life for a reason, an experience, or to share in your life lessons and spiritual growth. What I believe is, before we even came into this lifetime we chose each and every player in this game called life. Imagine this visual. You are sitting with a council of spiritual guides and you’re talking about your life plan including what you would like to heal, experience, and create in this lifetime. Then you meet with each soul that will support you in this plan and you decide on the roles they will play in your life experience. Together you discuss and agree upon a soul’s plan that will support all involved in their life’s intentions. Every decision and choice is made from unconditional love. This includes the players in the game that agree to play the difficult roles in order to achieve the desired intentions.”

If you can see it from a higher perspective, that it is for your spiritual growth and that you have chosen this before you even came to the earth, would it be easier to go through? We all have our lessons to learn for our soul to grow. We have chosen these lessons.

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown

No relationship or experience is ever a waste of time. If it did not bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want. The greatest gift we can give anyone is our presence and love. When you need encouragement, remember these things. You are stronger than you realize. Life’s inevitable adversities call forth courage and the growth of our souls. You have everything you need inside of you, including wisdom. God’s plan will unfold with perfect timing and in the perfect way. Being vulnerable and allowing other players to nurture and be present for us allows our hearts to connect in a very special way for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Something happened this week that reminded me of how I processed conflicting feelings at the same time. It felt like a “flashback” of a very difficult time in my life with one of my children 16 years ago. This is what happened: I woke up startled in the middle of the night with banging on the front door. I quickly grabbed my robe and ran down the stairs. A parent’s worst nightmare was about to happen. A policeman was standing at the door and I can still remember the terror I felt as if it were yesterday. “Mrs. Hastings, your son was in a very bad accident and he is in Rhode Island hospital.” I blurted out, “What happened, is he okay?” “I am sorry, but we cannot give you any information. We have been trying to call you, but your phone has been busy. I found out later that it was accidentally off the hook.

I ran upstairs and woke my husband up to tell him the news. I threw on something and we were in the car racing to the hospital, following the police car. We didn’t say a word to one another and of course my mind raced to the worst scenario. When we arrived at the emergency room, the nurse escorted us into the room my son was in. I will never forget the pain in my heart to see my 16 year old son wounded and crying out in pain. A short time later, I just about fainted and couldn’t breathe. I had never had a panic attack before, but I had one that night and I was put on a stretcher outside my son’s room. My husband went back and forth between my son and me.

My son has rods in his leg and arm that are permanent from the car accident.  When I saw the pictures of the car, I realized they should not be alive and I was so grateful that they were all alive. Shortly after that, I found out that they had been to a club and had smoked pot that night. I was so angry. I remember having the same feelings at the same time – gratitude and anger.

I had the “flashback” because of a similar experience of having conflicting feelings at the same time this week. I asked myself, “How am I to process this and hold the energy of these conflicting feelings?” This is what happened. A close friend of mine shared something wonderful that happened to her and I was so excited for her. A couple of hours later, another close friend shared something that was devastating to him. I was experiencing the same thing, both the gratitude and the devastation at the same time. I asked myself, “Could I be present for both of them at the same time”? With God’s grace, I was able to be present for both of my friends.

We never know what life is going to give us, do we? One minute we are high on life and everything is going smoothly. The next minute we are experiencing a great loss and may feel devastated or betrayed. All I know for sure is that whatever is happening in my life will work out for the good because of my faith and trust in God. Everything that is happening in your life is for a reason and ultimately to grow your soul.

That same day, I received an email from my friend Karen and it put things into perspective for me and reminds me to rise above “victimhood and poor me attitude” when things don’t go the way I want them to go or when a loved one is struggling and in pain.  This is the email she sent:    

“You have chosen to walk this journey with many other souls. Each and every one of them is in your life for a reason, an experience, or to share in your life lessons and spiritual growth. What I believe is, before we even came into this lifetime we chose each and every player in this game called life. Imagine this visual. You are sitting with a council of spiritual guides and you’re talking about your life plan including what you would like to heal, experience, and create in this lifetime. Then you meet with each soul that will support you in this plan and you decide on the roles they will play in your life experience. Together you discuss and agree upon a soul’s plan that will support all involved in their life’s intentions. Every decision and choice is made from unconditional love. This includes the players in the game that agree to play the difficult roles in order to achieve the desired intentions.”

If you can see it from a higher perspective, that it is for your spiritual growth and that you have chosen this before you even came to the earth, would it be easier to go through? We all have our lessons to learn for our soul to grow. We have chosen these lessons.

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown

No relationship or experience is ever a waste of time. If it did not bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want. The greatest gift we can give anyone is our presence and love. When you need encouragement, remember these things. You are stronger that you realize. Life’s inevitable adversities call forth courage and the growth of our souls. You have everything you need inside of you, including wisdom. God’s plan will unfold with perfect timing and in the perfect way. Being vulnerable and allowing other players to nurture and be present for us allows our hearts to connect in a very special way for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When my friend, Ellen, invited me to Maui for 2 weeks in November, 2010, I had no idea I would be living in Paradise 2 years later. God had a plan and I just kept saying YES to the invitation – not having any idea what it would look like or how it would happen.  Step by step, I faced my fears and moved into the mystery and the unknown.

I see today that My “PLAN” was not God’s plan and I am grateful that I had the grace to surrender, let go and allow God to lead and guide me (not without struggle, at times). Before I moved to Maui for 6 months in January 2012, while I was in Maui in November, 2011, I spoke at 2 churches and presented a workshop for women at the Senior Center.  So of course, I thought when I moved to Maui in January 2012, I would continue to do this. My “PLAN” was to continue my work as an inspirational speaker, retreat leader and spiritual coach.  I realize today that God needed to do “some work” in me and I needed to do some “letting go” before I moved forward in this way. It was not God’s timing or God’s plan.

Before I moved to Maui I was warned that all of my “stuff” would come up. I felt a little smug and thought I had worked for so many years on my stuff already, I was safe. Silly me, I should have known better because whenever we are being called to a higher level of consciousness or some big change is occurring in our lives, our stuff comes up. If I am honest, even though I don’t like it at first, I welcome my “stuff” coming up because I want to be the best I can be, so I can serve and be a vessel for God in the purest way. My stuff has come up (as I have shared in my weekly blogs) and with the grace of God, I have been transformed. I read in one of my spiritual books, “While you wait in my presence, I do my best work within you to transform you by the renewal of your mind.”

I wrote in my blog of Jan. 24, 2012 – Waiting has not been my favorite thing to do, but I have learned over the years that it is essential to my spiritual health and well-being to wait on God. I arrived in Maui 5 days ago and it is beyond words how grateful I feel for this opportunity and adventure. In prayer this morning, I became aware of “old behaviors” creeping in and robbing me of my peace. Rather than resting in the energy of BEING and trusting in the divine plan to unfold in its own time and own way, I felt tempted to control and make things happen. I thanked God for this awareness and strengthened my resolve to live in the moment and trust the divine plan. “By waiting and by calm, I shall be saved, in quiet and trust lies my strength.”

When I arrived in Maui in January 2012, I was surprised when I had “no desire” to call the churches, do workshops or coach others. “What was going on”, I wondered.  As I shared earlier, I struggled with this because this was not MY PLAN.

I wrote in my blog of March 6, 2012,  I FINALLY GOT IT and I am so grateful! It will be seven weeks since I have been in paradise and it has been quite a ride!  I am happy to report that, not only am I living in Paradise but I have found Paradise inside of me. I had a major shift in my consciousness while in prayer this week. Deep within my soul, I knew the reason I was here was to receive God’s love. It seemed so simple and yet profound. I said, “God, do you mean I don’t have to do anything?” “Yes, I want you to experience my unconditional love without having to do anything. How will you be able to receive the love from your soul mate that I have planned for you if you are unable to experience my love completely and unconditionally?” Wow, I knew God was speaking to my heart. It’s been over two weeks since I received this message and I feel an incredible freedom to enjoy the present moment, to be in the flow of the Spirit and to trust each moment and experience to unfold perfectly. I am invited to play in God’s playground and enjoy every moment. This is a gift from God with no strings attached. I don’t have to do anything to earn it.

During this time of waiting, I read a book called “Faith” by A.C. Ping. Here is what it said: “One of the most frustrating times along the spiritual path occurs when NOTHING seems to be happening.  Not only do we have lots of time to think, but at the same time people keep asking you “What’s happening?” On the surface nothing seems to be happening, but underneath a great shift is occurring. Instead of feeling frustrated, it may be that life is giving you a safe place to rest and gather your energy for the journey ahead. You may not be able to see which way to go, but if you sit patiently, have faith that life has meaning and wait until the mist clears, you may find that one day you wake up to a bright blue sky that reveals a clear path leading to an even more beautiful mountain than the one you just climbed. The temptation will be to run around in the mist searching for guidance. But this will wear you out and until you stop and rest, no further path will be revealed to you until you have the energy to attempt the next climb. Trust that although nothing seems to be happening on the surface, a whole lot is happening below the surface.”

As I write this blog, it is hard to believe that it has been 15 months since I have been living and playing in paradise. I have listened to my intuition and not attempted to further my career in any way. I have trusted that although nothing seemed to be happening on the surface, a whole lot was happening below the surface.”

A couple of months ago, I attended a talk with my friend, Jodene, and after the talk I said, “You know, something is stirring in me because I miss speaking and doing workshops. I will pray about it and ask God to open the door and bring to me what it is that I am to do – if anything.” I let it go and felt peaceful.

I met, Kati, a year ago when we were on a retreat together. I was drawn to her – she was a shining light and I loved her energy.  We exchanged emails but it wasn’t time for us YET! She lived on the other side of the island and we didn’t get together until I moved here this past September.  I had the opportunity to house- sit in Makawa, Maui before I moved into my home in Kihei.  Kati lived 2 minutes away and was friends with the women I house- sat for.  Kati and I reconnected and spent time together having fun and playing.

A couple of months ago, as Kati and I shared our spiritual journey with one another, we both felt that God was calling us to do something together. We didn’t know what it was, but we agreed to pray about it. A few weeks ago, Kati invited me to come and paint with her at her new home on the ocean and I was really excited to paint with her.  I am not sure how it happened but before we knew it, we were planning a day of healing together. It just flowed from both of us easily and effortlessly. There was no struggle, only ease and grace. Kati painted the flyer as I painted the ocean.

I am amazed and grateful how this has unfolded so easily. We are on fire and so excited to share our gifts with women. The title is “This is What I am Here For.”  Celebration of your Divine Feminine Mother Earth.  Discover inner clarity about “This is what I am here for” as Divine Feminine grounded in the arms of Mother Earth.  Join in Celebration, Meditation, Revelation, Forgiveness, Healing, Visioning, Dancing, Ritual and Laughter as your gift to Self.It will be held on May, 11, 2013.

                                          WATCH OUT MAUI BECAUSE KATI AND I ARE COMING OUT

I had totally forgotten about this until recently. My daughter, Mary, gave me the gift of an astrology reading for Christmas. I was really surprised when he said, “Something significant would happen in my career in the month of May.” I had given up “my career” and I didn’t understand.  I wasn’t interested in my career any more; I wanted to know when I was going to meet my soul mate – more waiting on this one!  God does have a sense of humor. I don’t know what’s ahead, not even sure I want a “career”  and that is okay. I will trust God’s will and timing.

Gods timing is perfect. “My good is revealed in diving timing. I choose not to struggle with or force circumstances in my life. I know the time will be right when I feel a nudge from Spirit to move in the right direction. I pay attention to my intuition, knowing that inner wisdom and divine understanding direct me.”   

I would like to share with you what Spirit revealed to me in prayer yesterday.  I picked an angel card and it was the angel of TRUST. This is what it said, “You are about to experience an accelerated period of spiritual growth and breakthrough in which your definitions of love will change. You are encouraged to maintain your trust and belief in yourself as a worthy and effective vehicle of positive action. Whatever your fears, insecurities, the angels are working with you to bring you into greater clarity with the nature of love. Love is the capacity to allow all other living things to grow into the fullest expression of self. The love that you are learning to give is the same that you long to receive: without judgment, acceptance of differences, kind and forgiving, hopeful and courageous. TRUST holds love in place in your life.

I believe this message is not only for me, but for you who are reading this. Love is all there is. We all want to be loved and to love. It is who we are and where we came from. God is love, we are love.  We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Many ask, what is my purpose in life? I believe that my purpose in life is to love. First and foremost, I must love myself. Can I really love another if I don’t love myself? I don’t know all the answers, but I don’t think so. Since God and I are ONE can I love God if I don’t love myself?

Learning to love myself has been a lifelong process and will be until I leave this earth. I have shared in other blogs that there was a time that I didn’t love myself or believe in myself. I compared myself to others and beat up on myself when I didn’t measure up or I made a mistake. I have an example that happened this morning that I could see my growth. I woke up early because I had to go to the lab and get blood tests. I found the paper I needed to bring with me and put it on the kitchen table. I got dressed and off I went to the lab. I arrived at the lab and was about to get out of the car when I spotted a man walking in with a piece of paper in his hands. I said out loud, “Oh, I left the paper on the kitchen table.” I immediately started thanking God (because it is my belief that all things happen for my good) and turned my car around and drove home to get the paper. I didn’t say one disparaging remark to myself about forgetting the paper. What would you have said to yourself? Be honest! 

Another thought just came to me. If I don’t love myself, can I truly allow another to love me? I don’t know. I have to ask myself, “Do I feel deserving and worthy of love?”  How many times have we blocked our good and what God wants to give us because we didn’t feel worthy and deserving? I remember when my friend Ellen invited me to stay in her condo in Maui (while she was away) for a month in 2011. I was feeling “unsettled and guilty” the week before the trip and as I prayed about it, Spirit showed me on a deeper level that I was feeling unworthy and undeserving. Thankfully, I recognized this distorted belief and quickly changed it to the truth of who I am as a child of God. Today, I am living and loving in Maui. I shudder to think that I could have blocked my good and receiving this gift to live in Maui because I didn’t feel deserving and worthy (which sometimes masked itself as guilt).

I read in Alan Cohen’s book, “Enough Already.”  “I do not worry about what will happen in the future or “someday.” Deep in my soul, I AM READY to be a full expression of God’s spirit right now. I give thanks for the opportunity to fulfill my heart’s desires. Aligning my thoughts with Spirit, I proclaim what is true about me and for me. Align your thoughts, feelings, words and actions with a success attitude and positive events will follow. People who have an abundance mentality keep attracting more of what they want and need. Those with a lack mentality keep attracting something missing.”

For a long time it has been my heart’s desire to travel. I was a speaker on the Norwegian Cruise Ship to Mexico In January, 2012.  I had a fabulous time and since then, I have wanted to go on another cruise. Every time I see the Norwegian cruise ship in the Kahului Harbor, I say to myself or to whoever I am driving with, “I really want to go on another cruise.” I even have a picture of a cruise ship on my kitchen cabinet.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend, Larry,  invited me to go with him on a 12- day cruise to Denmark, Norway, Sweden, German and Scotland – all expenses paid! We will fly into London and spend 3 days there and then go on the cruise.  I have never been to Europe nor have I ever traveled with a man other than my husband or finance. I know friends of the opposite sex travel together all the time, but this is new territory for me, for sure.  I asked myself some questions:

*Did I attract this gift into my life by aligning my thoughts and feelings to what Spirit wanted for me?

*Could I accept this trip as a gift from God?

*Did I feel deserving and worthy?

*Could I trust myself and my intuition that this was right for me?

*Was I willing to take a risk and travel with someone of the opposite sex (without any strings attached?)

*Was I ready to be a full expression of God’s spirit and fulfill my heart’s desires?

Of course, I felt excited about the prospect of going to Europe on a cruise. I told Larry, “I will pray about it and let you know.” I can hear some of you who are reading this-pray about it, are you nuts? Well, I did pray about it and went inside to see how it felt. I felt peaceful and excited. I have learned to trust my inner guidance and intuition as God’s voice within.

I am happy to say that the answer is YES to Larry’s invitation to go on a cruise with him. I say yes to God and to all the good that God wants to give me. I am deserving and worthy to give and receive more love in my life. I realize that I have received more than I asked for because the universe had a bigger idea for me than I had for myself. TRUST holds love in place in my life.

The Wind Star (name of ship we will be sailing on) is a sleek, four-masted sailing yacht accommodating 148 guests. With four decks and a gross tonnage of 5,350, the Wind Star feels like your own private yacht. Wind Star features wide open, teak decks—quite unusual for small ships. With over 10,000 square feet of open deck space, guests will find hidden nooks for private moments giving them a feeling of being on their own private verandah.

I just received an email from a friend and this is what she wrote: When you surrender to the wind…you can FLY!!  And that is exactly what I find myself doing. Without controlling the how, why, and where…great blessings are appearing…and offering me the opportunity to SOAR!!  Life has lifted me from the stagnant waters of hesitation…and placed me smack dab in the center of experiential BLISS!!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT; ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS WHAT YOU WANT

This is a subtle but paramountly important and exciting key to personal success. It means that there is much more to the universe than we have believed, and if we really expect to realize our dreams, we must allow God to deliver our blessings to us in ways deeper than we can plan and understand. There is an old saying that “The Lord moves in mysterious ways.” God is like the driver of a universal Greyhound bus. Once we have decided where we want to go, we can “sit back and leave the driving to Him.” If we would just choose a nice window sear and relax, we would find ourselves as our destination in no time. Instead, we make it hard for ourselves because first of all we are not sure which bus to get on; we vacillate at the ticket counter, mulling indecisively over a number of possible destinations. The agent can’t sell us a ticket if we don’t tell him where we want to go. Then once we’ve made our decision and we’ve stepped aboard the Greyhound to God, we immediately try to wrestle the wheel away from the Driver, insisting we know a better way. Then, even after we have surrendered the wheel and we arrive, we have a tendency to want to hide in the back of the bus, wondering if this is really where we want to go. And maybe we should turn back.  Alan Cohen – Rising in Love pg 75

I would like to end with my favorite scripture. “For I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29-13   

We’ve all had experiences of being disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go.  We need to know how to work through the disappointment and not “stay stuck” or resentful because things didn’t go the way we wanted or expected them to go. It is an opportunity to trust God that whatever is happening is for our good.  I must admit that much of my disappointments have come from “I want what I want and I want it now” attitude. Can you relate?

I love HISAPPOINTMENT because whenever I’m not sure of what is the best path for me, I pray and ask God to either open or close the door. When God closes the door, I trust that there is something bigger and better for me. I have experienced closed doors at the very last minute, and it has always been for my good. This spoke to me because I was feeling very disappointed over something that happened during the week. While I was at church a few weeks ago, I spotted a very nice looking man sitting by himself in the back of the church. I wondered if he was new because I had never seen him before. As we were all walking out, I turned around and he was behind me. I introduced myself and we began talking. He just moved here from the Big Island and he said, “It is my second time here and it was suggested that I come to Unity because I am looking for this GOD THING.” That was all I needed to hear and blurted out, “Would you like to go for coffee or a walk sometime?” His face lit up and he said, “Yes, I would love to do that.” I laughed and said, “I am not usually this forward.”  I gave him my business card with my phone number on it. He said he would call me.

I was really excited and later shared with my girlfriends what happened. I described the feeling that I had when we smiled at one another. I actually had a physical sensation and felt a strong connection with him.  I felt the disappointment as the week went on that I hadn’t heard from him. I worked on letting go and trusting that it was a closed door. I wondered if he was threatened by my profession as a coach and author or worse yet, I thought perhaps he thought I wanted to get together so I could be his life coach.  Good lesson for me to learn for the future. I will not give a man my card that I am interested in!

I looked for him this past Sunday at church, but he wasn’t there. What happened next is really amazing because I received a “God wink.” I stopped to talk to one of the women before going into church. She said, “Pat, I have to tell you what happened when I worked at the new bookstore in the mall on Monday. A man came in and asked for Pat Hastings’ book, “Simply a Woman of Faith”. I said, Oh, I know Pat Hastings, but I don’t think we have her book. I was stunned and asked her, “Was his name John?” She said, “Yes, it was.”

What are the chances of me finding out that the day after we met that he went to the bookstore to find my book?  I felt grateful that I didn’t make up “this connection”  in my head and that perhaps he felt the same connection. I don’t know the reason why God closed the door (that he didn’t call) and I don’t need to know. Perhaps he found the book in another bookstore and the book will help him find this “GOD THING.” I know for sure that I am to pray for him that he finds what he is searching for. I have let go and trust that if we are meant to talk in the future, we will.

There is another opportunity in my life that I am praying about and asking God to open or close the door. I only want God’s will and it is not clear to me yet what that is.  All I know is that it is new territory for me, and that can be scary. But I am trusting divine love and guidance. It seems like God is inviting me to “receive” something that I have wanted for a long time and on a “silver platter.” It almost feels like it is too good to be true, but I know that everything that is good is true. Do I feel deserving and worthy to receive this gift from God? YES, I DO, and if God opens the door, I am going for it with gusto! I will share with you when the door is opened or closed.

I just learned a name for a behavior I once practiced in my life through reading Alan Cohen’s book, “Dare to be Yourself.” It is called a “Planaholic.” It states “our culture is obsessed with planning and much of it is inspired by fear. Heavy scheduling is a way to avoid intimacy. If we are constantly busy, we don’t have to face our feelings and deal with issues in relationships. If you are busy doing, doing, doing out of fear of being, you will never release that magnificent person who is calling to live and breathe and bring unique and precious gifts to the world.”

I am happy to say I am a recovering “Planaholic” and am so grateful for this wonderful shift in consciousness. It is amazing because today I prefer to live my day without plans. It feels so good to be in the flow, spontaneous and follow my intuition all through my day. I wake up and say, “thank you God for the miracles and surprises that will come my way today.” Course in Miracles  states,“The healed mind does not plan.” I lived in my head for such a long time and didn’t trust my intuition. Today, I trust my heart and intuition because I believe God speaks to us through our intuition. If I listened to my head and not my heart, I would not be on this sacred journey to Maui.  When I meet people and they ask me, “What brought you to Maui, I say, MY HEART.”

Since I no longer “do, do, do” and am learning to BE and feel, I am discovering more of myself and living the life of my dreams. It is truly the greatest adventure of my life since I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I am discovering the real me and finding the beauty and magnificence within. God is calling us all to walk this sacred journey of finding the love within. A Course in Miracles states “We are here to discover the blocks to our awareness of love’s presence, so we can release this and let our true loving nature shine forth in full splendor.”

It is much easier to write about something in my life that I have changed and that has been transformed by the grace of God.  It’s more difficult and vulnerable to write about something that is in the process of being transformed and healed because there is the fear of being judged or misunderstood.  It has been my intention each week to be as honest and authentic as I can be because I want to do God’s will and be a pure instrument of love.  I know that openness breeds openness.

In last week’s blog, I wrote about the importance of celebrating our growth and acknowledging where we have come from. I think it is equally important to honor and love those parts of ourselves that still need God’s healing touch and grace. This week I will share with you a struggle that I have had for many, many years.

About a month ago, I worked with a recurring dream that was very significant.  After writing in my journal, I said to God, “I am not sharing this in a blog.  You really don’t want me to share this, do you? This is too personal.”  Today, I heard Spirit say, “Yes, I want you to write about this in your blog today.” As I thought and prayed about it, I realized that if I am struggling with it, there may be others out there who could also be struggling with it. I share this part of my life with you in humility and faith, trusting that God is healing me and will heal you if this is your struggle.

It has been my experience and my belief that God speaks to us through our dreams.  I dreamt that my first boyfriend Steve left me. I know that every part of the dream is about me. In working with past dreams with Steve in them, I know that he represents my animus (which is the male part of me.) There is a technique that I use where I dialogue with the object in the dream to get clarity on the wisdom of the dream. This is what was revealed to me.

I dialogued with Steve and asked him, “Why are you in my dream and what is your gift?” I was surprised when he said, “I am here to teach you about love.” I answered, “What do you mean?” He replied, “Loving yourself is the most important relationship you have.” I was confused because I thought I was loving myself and wrote, “I am loving myself more than I have ever loved myself. Do I leave myself and if I do, how do I do it?”

I sat quietly for a few seconds and then it came bubbling up to the surface. “Oh, my body image, is that it, God? Do I not love, honor and cherish my body?” I felt deep within that this is what I needed to look at and where I needed healing.  I then began to write a letter of forgiveness to myself forgiving myself for the years of “beating up” on myself, for judging my body for not being good enough, for feeling fat and not skinny enough.  I wrote, “I want it to STOP NOW. It will STOP NOW! I want to love, treasure and honor the body you have given me. I ask for your help God, I need your grace.” I know that if I don’t love my body, I will not be open to a man loving my body. It all starts with me.

I became honest with myself and admitted that I have obsessed about my weight and how I look all of my life. I ate cottage cheese and peaches for a week so I could fit into the dress for the wedding that was too tight. I have probably been on every kind of diet there was at one time or another; the grapefruit diet, soup diet, Atkins diet and “Weight Watchers.” I know there are more, but I can’t remember them now.

YUCK, embarrassing and not easy to admit, but I also know that the truth will set me free.  I choose to bring to the light what has been hidden so that God’s love will heal me. For those of you who know me personally and because of the pictures I send each week, you might think, “She’s crazy and I wish I had her body.”  You may wish you had my body, but being obsessed about weight and body image is not something you want.  This is distorted thinking and crazy!

God brought to mind that it started when I was very young.  When I was 12 years old, my mother, who was on a diet, took me to a doctor to get diet pills. I was not overweight!  As an adult, whenever my father visited me, he would comment, “You gained weight or you lost weight and you look too thin.” I recognized that my unconscious belief has been, “I must be the perfect weight and look perfect to be loved.”  My parents always told me I was pretty, so I believed that I was pretty. As the opening reading said, “I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself.  If you tell yourself something long enough, you will believe it- the good and the bad.”

I felt a deep sadness and loss when it sank in that for over 50 years I have lived with this belief.  I went to the ocean and asked Mother Maui to heal and restore me as the tears rolled down my cheeks.  This month I have focused on loving and cherishing my body. My prayer has been “Divine Love, heal my distorted body image.” Every morning when I get out of bed, I look in the mirror and love all parts of my body and I am listening to Oprah and Deepak 21 day meditation series on loving the body.

With God’s grace and my willingness to change, I have stopped beating up on myself that I am too fat. I am giving myself loving kind messages. I know this is a process and will not change overnight, but I know I am on the right track since it has come to the light and I am willing to do what I need to do to heal this distorted image.

Do you love your body or do you beat up on yourself? You may think you are too short or too tall, or you don’t like your hips, or you have too many wrinkles or you are losing your hair.  What don’t you like about your body? Isn’t it time to begin to love and honor the body you are living in?

My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants me to love and care for my body.  I will see myself through God’s eyes – a beautiful creation of love and light. I will love, treasure and honor the body God has given me.  I am grateful that I continue to blossom and grow into the woman God intended me to be.

When I look back on all the other limiting beliefs that God has healed and enabled me to transform, I know that I am using the same processes with healing the limiting beliefs about my body.  I allowed myself to pay attention to the inner messages that were coming up in a dream, I brought the uncomfortable feeling and beliefs into the light and asked for healing, and I became wiling to change what I think and say to myself about who I am, (which is more than the body I am in).  I am starting to feel more and more peaceful and my affirmations are becoming stronger and more natural to me as I practice them on a daily basis.  This is how I have healed everything else in my life and I know that my faith in a loving God and my faith in the power of this inner work will guide me to a place of genuine love and appreciation for the beautiful temple my spirit resides in.

Heart Steps – Julia Cameron pg. 59

There is no separation between body and soul, spirit and matter. One essence, one unity, runs through all of life. This essence, the God-force is completely pure, completely perfect. I claim for myself the health and perfection of this divine force. My body is beautiful, sacred and beloved. Spirit infuses my body with radiant goodness. I experience vitality, enthusiasm, energy and power. My physical nature and my spiritual nature are one and the same. My body’s needs and urges are divine in origin.

Currently, 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders. Why women hate their bodies

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/02/why-do-women-hate-their-bodies/