Saying NO to others is saying YES to yourself

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Mar
2

I’ve had the opportunity to say NO several times over this past week and it felt good not doing something because I felt guilty and thought I SHOULD do it.

Do you have a hard time saying NO to others when they ask you to do something or they want you to go someplace with them? It’s easier to say no when you have a legitimate excuse in your own mind or you have something already planned.

But what about when you just don’t want to do it?  Are you able to say no just because you don’t feel like it? Do you think it’s selfish to say no to another’s request? Do you feel guilty and beat up on yourself when you say no? Have you ever felt resentful when you did something you didn’t want to do and did it because you thought you SHOULD do it?

Are you unable to say no to another’s request because you want to take care of them and rescue and fix them?  When we focus on others, at the expense of ourselves, we are in trouble and not in alignment with God’s will.  It is like we are saying, “Your needs are more important than mine.”  It is not only dishonoring, but it is disrespectful to the other person when we think we have the answers for them and want to rescue or fix them.

I have to admit that there was a time in my life that I couldn’t say NO to others because I wanted others to love me and I was afraid of the consequences of saying no. I often anticipated others needs and offered to help before they even asked. I never thought about if it would be good for me. I lived from the SHOULDS and it was exhausting.

I pushed myself to do things that I didn’t want to do because I thought that was the loving thing to do. What I didn’t understand was that I had it backwards. I wasn’t loving myself and my needs first. I was not taught how to go within and ask Spirit for guidance nor was I taught how to love myself first.

Of course, I want to be helpful and loving and be there for others when I can and choose to.  WHEN I SAY NO TO OTHERS, I AM SAYING YES TO MYSELF. Believe me, coming to this place of knowing and truth has been a process because I understand how important self-love and self-care is to my overall well-being.  I am responsible to take care of myself; body, mind and spirit.

Today, when I need to make a decision whether to say yes or no to another person, I go within, trust my intuition and ask Spirit for guidance. I ask questions like:

Do I really want to do this {whatever the request is}?

Is this in my highest good (and that of the other person) to say yes to this request?

Am I feeling responsible for the other person and their needs?

Remember, it is not selfish to say no, but self-loving to say no when you want to. If I am not sure I want to do something, I give myself time to go within and ask for guidance. I do nothing out of the SHOULDS anymore. It takes practice to say no in a way that doesn’t offend someone. I also know I have the right to change my mind, even at the last minute. No is a complete sentence and I don’t need to explain myself if I don’t want to.  Here are a few suggestions on how to say no:

  • Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work for me.
  • I want to do that, but I’m not available until next week. Will you ask me again then?
  • I can’t do it, but I know someone who may be able to help you.
  • None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you. Send me some more dates.
  • I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month, but I’d love to do that sometime.
  • Thanks, I’ll have to pass on that. Say it, then shut up.
  • I really appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed.
  • I wish I could, but it’s just not going to work right now.
  • I promised my husband I wouldn’t take on any more projects right now.
  • I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m afraid I’m already booked that day.
  • Let me tell you what I can do, then limit the commitment to what is comfortable for you.

 

 

 

 

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Pat Hastings

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