Browsing all articles tagged with letting go of fear

I closed my heart because I didn’t trust myself

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
May
30

I have known this for a long time and am slowly learning to accept and even welcome that which I see in others is in me and a projection of myself.  Whether it is the positive/light or the negative/darkness, it is always about ME.  Often, what I have disowned in myself (shadow) or I refuse to see in myself, I can easily see it in my brother or sister.  It is because we are mirrors for one another.  We are invited to love all parts of ourselves and if we are unaware of something that is hidden from our consciousness, we cannot love it. I have 2 examples of seeing myself in another to share with you this week.

Of course, it is easier to accept that when I see the light and positive in another that it is also in me. I often see kindness and gentleness in Larry and I always affirm him for those qualities, although he doesn’t always see that kindness in himself.  I recently realized that no matter how much I affirm him, he has to believe it for himself and it is impossible for me to do it for him.  That is an inside job.

So I decided that rather than “over-praise” Larry when I see kindness in him because I want him to believe it about himself, I would turn it back on me and affirm and appreciate myself for my kindness and gentleness.  If I see it in him, it is in me.

Larry and I are participants in a weekly book study group.  There is a woman in the group who I admire and like her energy. She shares from her heart and is honest and open. She shares her struggles as well as her spiritual progress. What I particularly admire is her relationship and love for God.  Since I easily see the light and love in her, I choose to embrace it and see it in myself.

It is not so easy and I am not always willing, at first, to see in myself what I don’t like in another.  In fact, sometimes it takes a while to see the truth and set myself free.  When I spot something in another person that I don’t like, it is easy to point the finger and blame, judge and even call them names.

It is a normal reaction, if you will, to “close our hearts” and withdraw from another person if we feel hurt, judged or misunderstood.  I became aware that I also close my heart when I don’t trust someone for a “perceived” wrongdoing to protect myself from further hurt.  I am wondering how often over the years I have closed my heart and lost relationships.

When I close my heart, I block the energy (God) from within.  Not only is my heart closed, but my mind is also closed and it closes me off from all energy.

I had a situation with a friend that took me quite a while to recognize what was really going on. I wasn’t ready to see my part until I was willing to ask for help. I prayed and asked Spirit to show me the truth and set me free because it was really troubling me and I had lost my peace.  I just couldn’t figure out why I didn’t trust this person and felt so uncomfortable when I was in her presence.

I heard Spirit say, “You need to relax and not stress about trying to “figure it out.”  I often like to figure things out in my head because it feels like I have some control.  What an illusion that is. Spirit said, “All you need to do is open your heart.”

The truth set me free as I listened and opened my heart and mind.  What was gently revealed to me by Spirit in meditation and a dream was that I didn’t trust myself in some areas and was projecting it on to her.  I got the message and the stress and “uncomfortableness” was completely gone when I was in her presence again. I have made a commitment to myself and God to keep my heart open and not close it when I feel threatened or afraid.

Larry

I have been thinking about how incredible creation is.  It seems that the longer I live, the more I become aware of how all creation is connected.  We are connected to one another and to nature.

Although our perspectives can be different and we may be seeking our consciousness in different ways we are still the same.  We are looking for the same things and we have the same doubts and struggles, as well as the same hopes and dreams.

Sometimes we see another person and think, “Boy that person has got it all together and I wish I could be like that.”  All I’ve got is this crazy “roommate” in my head that never stops talking, telling me what to do and what not to do.  Most times it is judging me and encouraging me to judge others so I can feel better about myself.  I bet if I talked with the person I thought had it all together they would laugh and tell me that they have the same type of challenges that I have.

I am grateful for the opportunity that Pat and I are participating in a book study group on Michael Singer’s book, “The Untethered Soul”.  We read a few chapters each week and then get together once a week to share our perspective on what we’ve read.  There are 13 people in our group. We’ve traveled many different paths and are currently living on Maui.  We have wonderful, diversified, intelligent people who share openly from their hearts.

We are all unique in the way we are seeking to grow and become more conscious in our spiritual lives, but I am amazed at how alike we are in our life experiences.  We all struggle with the same insecurities, doubts, fears and not good enough thoughts and behaviors.  We help each other to expose our egos and not allow our egos to have power in our lives.  We are all trying to accept our life situations and not resist.  We are attempting to keep our hearts open to Spirit’s power and not close our hearts to what life brings us.

I see this experience as a wonderful opportunity for me to grow and become more conscious, so that I can become a more complete vessel of love.  Through this experience, I am learning to become more patient,  offer kindness, have more compassion for others, accept what is and not resist, let go of control and recognize and expose my ego.  I sincerely hope that I am offering the attributes of patience, kindness, compassion and understanding to my fellow group members.

I had an opportunity this week to accept and not resist:  I volunteer at a local organization delivering meals to the homebound on Monday afternoons. I agreed to fill in for someone last Friday. Well, I got into my very relaxed mode on Friday afternoon and forgot about filling in. Pat came into the room about 3:55 p.m. and asked me if I was going to deliver today. I jumped up and said, “OMG, I forgot.” Fear, resistance, stress, anxiety, judgement were all fighting to get into my psyche at once. I flew out of the house and started hell bent down the mountain.  Then I asked myself, “What are you doing?” I needed to calm down and not resist what was happening, but just accept it. I said to myself, “So you’ll be a half hour late, its ok.” I was able to accept and allow what was happening to happen, I just let go of all the negatives that were clamoring for attention.  I allowed my peace to return and everything went along very smoothly.

We discussed in group how we handle challenges in our lives when our energy becomes blocked or negative).  One of the ways we all seemed to respond to energy blocked was to get out in nature by walking, running, swimming, going to the ocean or mountains or just sitting outside.  We all sought the energy in nature to somehow nurture our wounds, calm our anger and help us reconnect with our healing power within.  We remember that we are worthy, we always have been worthy and we always will be worthy because we were created out of love and we are love.

 

Walk up to the lion & he will disappear, run away & he runs after you

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments 2 comments
Jan
24

I write my weekly blog on Fridays so when I went to bed last night I said, “God, I have nothing to share, what do you want me to write about this week?”  Silly me!  God heard that prayer because when I opened my eyes this morning, some strong feelings came to the surface. I’m still waiting for the repairs on my car to be finished, and without a car to get around,  I was feeling trapped and alone in my ohana. My landlords are also doing construction on the house I am living in, so I knew it would be loud and noisy and I didn’t want to stay home alone. Not having wheels to get around and having to ask for help on a daily basis has definitely been challenging.  Over the years, I have been codependent, independent and now I am learning the meaning of being interdependent. This is a good thing!

Along with the feelings of being trapped and alone because I didn’t have a car, I recognized fear bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.  I immediately began to pray, breathe and let go. If there is anything that will bring up fear it would be my unresolved issues around money or the “lack of it.” Even though I know that God is my source and God has always provided for me, apparently there were still some hidden beliefs that needed healing.  It seemed like all I was doing was spending money for things that needed to be repaired and I had no control over it. Between getting a new engine in my car, the money for the repairs needed on my condo back in Rhode Island, fear was rearing its ugly head.  Then I received an email that morning from my new tenant asking me to reduce the amount paid to me in rent this month, because she wasn’t able to move in because of the repairs that were being done in the condo.

During my prayer, I was led to pick up a book (that I hadn’t read in years) and read a chapter from “The Wisdom of Florence Scovel-Shinn.” God really spoke to me through reading this chapter.  She writes, “Man has so long separated himself from his good and his supply, through thoughts of separation and lack, that sometimes it takes dynamite to dislodge these false ideas from the subconscious, and the dynamite is a big situation.   How can I get rid of fear? By walking up to the thing you are afraid of. The lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away and he runs after you. Scovel-Shinn write about how the lion of lack disappeared when an individual spent money fearlessly; showing faith that God was his supply and therefore, unfailing. There is no peace or happiness for man, until he has erased all fear from his  consciousness.”  I knew in my spirit that God was inviting me to fearlessly face my lion of lack and trust, and act in faith, knowing that all of my needs were being supplied.  I reminded myself that money is energy and that God is my source.

After my prayer, I called my friend Trudy to ask her if she wanted to drive with me to a special Sound Healing ceremony on the eve of the new moon, which was being held at another friend’s house that night.  She said, “I would love to do that.” When I asked her what she was doing, she replied, “I am still in bed and reading your book. It’s the chapter about courage.”  I said, “I could sure use some courage now.” I then proceeded to tell her what I was experiencing. When I was done, she asked if she could read me something from my book. Of course, I said,”Yes.” She told me later that day that she just opened the book randomly and read what she opened up to.  Here is what she read to me.

“God, where am I going to get the money from? I purchased some stocks
several years ago and decided to sell them a few months earlier. I received a check for twenty two hundred dollars from the credit union which enabled me to catch up on my bills. A month after I sold the stocks and received my money, I received another statement stating I had two thousand three hundred dollars in my account. There must be a mistake, I thought. I called the credit union the next day and asked what my balance was. “Mrs. Hastings, you have a balance of two thousand three hundred dollars.” I asked, “Are you sure?” She said, “Yes, is there a problem?” “No, No problem at all.” I don’t know how that happened, but it did. God works mysteriously. The money was there all the time, but I never saw it and didn’t know it was there. For whatever reason, it wasn’t on the monthly statement that I received each month (or I didn’t see it because I probably would have spent it.) The money came when I stepped out in faith, trusting God would provide.”
As she read the words from my book that I had written 5 years ago, tears rolled down my cheeks because no one had ever read me the words from my book. I needed to hear those words in that moment to reassure me that God is the same today as He was then and that I was being provided for abundantly. I reminded myself that fear is useless and what is needed is trust.

A few minutes after we hung up, Trudy called me back to remind me,”Pat, the reason I was able to talk to you on the phone and read the chapter from your book was because you lent me money yesterday so I could buy a phone card.  Clearly, we were helping one another in a big way!

I then remembered what many people have shared with me about being
called to live in Maui. “You will be tested the first year you are living there and Mother Maui will spit you out if you are not meant to be there.”  I am being tested and my faith in God continues to grow and deepen as I let go and trust. I am being mindful of Florence Scovel Shinn’s wise words, and I am walking up to the thing I am afraid of. Remember that the lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will  disappear; run away and he runs after you.

Science of Mind pg.49

“No matter what happened in the past, have faith and trust that you are always guided, always directed. Increasing your ability to trust is an ongoing process. The more you trust and have faith, the more you see the results that you are intending to see. Inner peace comes from having trust that everything is happening in divine order and divine right timing.  It takes courage to surrender. It is an ongoing process that happens everyday as the egoic mind attempts to direct life from a place of separation, fear and doubt. In this surrender, we find joy, grace and peace. We will find that all the things we were looking for somehow miraculously appear. Surrender to the power that breathes your breath, and know that every good thing will be added unto you”

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

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