Browsing all articles tagged with living in faith

The root of misery is control

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Author Kute Blackson writes, “The root of misery is control. Control is the master addiction, the hardest one to give up. Control is an illusion, as there is so much in life that we cannot control. When you try to control what you cannot, then suffering is your guaranteed result.”

Control is about CONSTRICTION and CONTRACTION. It’s been my experience that I tend to want to control when I feel threatened or afraid that I’m going to lose something or I’m not going to get what I want. The opposite of control is EXPANSION.  It’s about being in the flow, trusting, being, surrendering to “what is” and letting go.

All I can change is ME, plain and simple. I cannot change my spouse, my children, my friends or the world. None of us have that kind of power. We may observe things that are harmful that our loved ones are doing to themselves i.e., not taking care of their bodies, eating poorly, not exercising, staying in stressful situations, holding onto resentments, being unwilling to forgive, caught up in addictions, not leaving a marriage or job that is not for their highest good.  The list could go on and on. Can you relate? Is there someone in your life who you would like to change or control?


It is difficult to not want to CONTROL someone you love when you think they are hurting themselves and can’t see it or don’t want to see what they are doing. Of course, we love them and want the best for them. You may be thinking now, “Shouldn’t I share my thoughts and concerns with them?” Of course, you share your concerns about what they are doing or not doing. After you have shared your concerns, the key is to then LET GO, DETACH and PRAY and SEND LOVE. I invite you to ask yourself some questions:


  • Do I think I am God and know what’s best for someone I love?


  • Why don’t I trust that it is their journey to walk and when they are ready to change something in their lives, they will?


  • Is it my egoic thinking that I think I know best and have the answers for their lives?


When I have been “awakened” to something that needs changing in my own life, it is natural for me to want to share it with those I love and want them to get on board. But when I try to push it down their throats, nag, preach, guilt them or leave books around to educate them, it is about trying to control another, no matter how well- meaning I am.  My loved ones may never choose to change and it is not my responsibility to change them or judge them


It is disrespectful when I try to control another. So often we are not even aware of how controlling we are and just think we are being helpful to those we love. Thankfully, I am learning that trying to control another’s destiny just doesn’t work.


What comes to mind is a situation that I had with my son many years ago. It was like a light bulb went off when I realized I was trying to control him because I wanted him to UNDERSTAND how I was feeling. I shared with him that I felt hurt about something he had done. He didn’t get it and defended himself. I tried everything I could to make him understand what I was feeling and felt frustrated and angry that he wasn’t getting it and I wasn’t willing to let it go.


All of a sudden (after a long time of trying to get him to see it my way) Spirit showed me that it was my control issues that I needed to look at. I was trying to control his reaction to me because I needed or wanted him to understand what I was feeling. It was a lesson that I will never forget and hopefully never do it again.


I am grateful I have the tools and know how to detach and stay out of another’s business. I have learned to love them just as they are and trust they will change if and when they want to.  My responsibility is to focus on myself and what I need to do in my own life and love others just as they are because we are all doing the best we can.


I have an inner GPS

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When I’m aligned with Spirit, trust God is leading me, I have the confidence to move forward not in fear, but with an attitude of gratitude.

I like to think of it as my inner GPS like I have in my car when the voice says, “Recalculate. You are going in the wrong direction.” I have had many detours in my life, as well as open and closed doors. I’ve been redirected for my highest good, although it may not have felt that way in the moment. I probably don’t understand what’s going on and may feel fear, disappointment or anger.  It’s usually comes from the attitude of “I want what I want when I want it and I want it now.”  Can you relate?


Alan Cohen writes in his book, Dare to Be Yourself, “Disappointments are the hooks upon which God hangs his victories. There is a way to deal with disappointments that can make you a winner. Remove the D and replace it with H. Thus, disappointment becomes “HISAPPOINTMENT. In other words, remove the incident from the projections of your expectations and imagine that God has caused the situation to turn out this way because He has a bigger and better plan than the one you formulated. Our idea of the way things should be pales in the face of God’s vision for how good it can and will be.”


We’ve all had experiences of being disappointed when things don’t go the way we thought they were going to go. We need to know how to work through the disappointment and not “stay stuck” or resentful because things didn’t go the way we wanted or expected them to go. It is an opportunity to trust God that whatever is happening is for our highest good.


How easy it was to beat up on myself when I thought I made a mistake, even though I know there are no mistakes when God is my PILOT. I’ve learned to be compassionate with myself, to accept “what is” and trust the process. It never fails!

Spirit brought to mind what happened over nine years ago when I went to the airport a day early. It was the beginning of BIG CHANGES in my life. My brother had dropped me off at the airport and I needed to get back home that day as I had an event planned the next day.

When I went to sign in and the airline attendant said, “Your flight is scheduled for tomorrow” I was shocked and disappointed at first. I CHOSE not to beat up on myself, but to stay in gratitude and figure out what my next step was. I had to buy a new ticket and the attendant advised me to go to another airline that had better prices, which I did.

As I walked to the new terminal after buying my ticket with an “attitude of gratitude,” a young man in a booth motioned to me to come over. Since I had a few hours to kill and nothing to do, I walked over.

I ended up signing up for a United credit card and received a free round- trip ticket to anywhere in the US. Not a bad deal!  A week later. I met my “Angel” Ellen after I finished my talk at the church. When she told me she lived on Maui, I said, “It’s always been my dream to visit Hawaii.” She said, “You can stay with me and use my car for as long as you want.”  I couldn’t pass it up since I had a free place to stay and a free plane ticket.

The rest is history. I visited Ellen for 2 weeks and fell in LOVE with Maui. Maui welcomed me with open arms and the next thing I knew I was leaving family, friends and my business to move permanently to Maui. Today. I live in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean with my beloved, Larry

It all started with what could have looked like a mistake by going to the airport on the wrong day. I am so grateful for my inner GPS that always guides me and redirects/recalculates my path when it’s for my highest good. God is good!


I choose LOVE

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I really want my default to be “I choose Love” in all situations and with all people instead of blaming, judging, shaming, copping an attitude or feeling resentful when things don’t go my way or the way I think they should go with other people. Can you relate?

It takes lots of practice to have my default be “I choose Love.”  It doesn’t come naturally to choose love when I’m pissed or think I’ve been wronged or not respected. My natural tendency is to shut down or want to “get back” and judge the other person when I’m hurt or angry.

Spirit always gives me the perfect opportunities to practice choosing Love. Sometimes it may take me awhile but when I’m conscious, I see everything as opportunities to grow and change.

We all have expectations of what we hope for or want things to look like. It’s probably impossible not to have expectations.  We go on vacation and we expect or hope the weather will be beautiful. We have a date with a new person and hope it will go well. Of course, being positive is healthy and there is nothing wrong with that.

When things don’t go my way and how I had hoped they would go, I have the opportunity to accept “What is” and live in the moment. When I accept things or people just as they are, I have peace. I lose my peace and serenity when I want to control people and how they do things or don’t do things.

I have learned that I am responsible for myself and my reactions, feelings and behaviors. We fail to understand that all we have control over is ourselves and not another. I cannot control anyone else to do something the way I expect them to do it.

My opportunity this week had to do with expecting an event to go in a certain direction with a friend. I had it pictured in my mind (an expectation) how I wanted it to unfold. When it didn’t go the way I pictured it, I felt resentful, at first, and judged my friend. I allowed myself to feel my disappointment because I didn’t want to do a “spiritual bypass” and push my feelings down.

Instead of wallowing in the resentment and disappointment, I started to repeat to myself, “I choose Love, I choose Love.” Within a few minutes, I felt peaceful and the resentment was gone. I have read that “An expectation is a premeditated resentment.”

When I saw my friend the next day, by choosing Love, I didn’t feel any resentment or judgement and we had a great day together. The outcome would have been very different and I would have missed out on a great spiritual experience if I hadn’t chosen Love.

I am grateful that I recognize my behaviors and that I have the tools to change myself one day at a time a time. I am learning to not take things personal, to detach from outcomes and to know that I am not responsible for another person’s happiness.

Today I choose Love, how about you?

There is a gift in everything

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I don’t know about you but when I am going through a difficult time in my life either emotionally, spiritually, financially or physically, I don’t always recognize the gifts it has for me. I may be experiencing anger, depression or sadness and need time to feel and process my feelings.

When I am open and awake, it’s often after I go through something that I see the gifts that came from the experience. For example: when I had my cancer scare 6 months ago and had to see a cancer specialist to rule out cancer, something shifted inside of me. Of course, I was grateful that I didn’t have cancer and that I could be treated with diet.

I have four grandchildren ranging from one years old to 27 years old.  My oldest grandsons are young adults and are 22 and 27 years old.  Although we love one another and are close, I didn’t have a lot of phone communication with the older ones during the year. We have a yearly reunion in Rhode Island and we spend time together there.  We had great intentions and when we left one other, we promised we would keep in touch, but we seldom did.

After the cancer scare, I called both of my grandsons and shared about my health issues and the cancer scare. I said, “This has made me aware of what is really important in my life, especially my family and friends. Would you like to make a commitment to talk every two weeks?” They both said, “Yes” and we agreed we would take turns calling one another. It was a challenge with their work and school schedules and being six hours difference, but we did it and I looked forward to our conversations.

When I was talking to my grandson, Josh, a couple of weeks ago on our regular scheduled times, we talked about him coming to visit with us as he had just finished his college semester. While we were on the phone, he decided to look on line to see what it would cost to fly to Maui. We were both shocked to see how low the fare was. He was over the top excited and within a week, he booked a flight to Maui and arrived this week.

After he booked the flight he called and said, “Grandma, thanks for giving me the “push” because I really needed this in my life now.” I laughed and remembered when he was born 22 years ago. I was his mother’s birth coach and supported her as she pushed him out to the world and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

What a delight when we picked him up at the airport and greeted one another. We hugged me and  picked me up off the ground. What a fine young man he has become and a true JOY to have him staying with us for two weeks. He is adventurous and has been exploring the island, taking walks on the beach, swimming and meeting the locals. Josh and I took a ferry ride to another island called, Lanai, and he snorkeled and had a blast. We plan to do a helicopter ride this week together.  I am sure it will be thrilling. Up up and away we go!

Larry calls him a “Gentle Giant.” He has such a beautiful spirit and I call him an “old soul.”  I am so proud of him and how he lives his life. I looked at him and said, “Your mannerisms and facial expressions remind me of your dad.” He smiled and said, “I am happy to be growing up like my HERO.” My heart did a little flip for him and for my son, Brian.

I have shared about how much Larry and I love the book, Love is All There Is written by the Source. After having a conversation with Josh about love being the only answer, Larry was led to give the book to him and he’s been reading it and loving it.  I wish I had that book when I was 22 years old and know what I know now.


Spending time with Josh over a meal. walking the beach, watching a sunset or driving around the island has given Larry and I both the opportunity to share our spiritual beliefs and what gives our life purpose and meaning. What a gift it has been for all of us.  It gives me great hope for the future generation when I look at Josh and hear him share his thoughts about spirituality and life.

I am grateful and blessed for all the gifts in my life.



I have been sexually AWAKENED

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As I shared in my last blog, I was led to attend the “Sacred Feminine Awakening and Healing Retreat” on Maui this past week. Thank you for your prayers. It was very appreciated.

I have been given the KEYS to unlock the door of my heart to reclaim my life force energy and receive new life, freedom, passion, enlightenment, transformation and healing.  Because of the sexual abuse, I dissociated from my body and wouldn’t allow myself to receive sexual pleasure. I was happy to give sexual pleasure, but had difficulty receiving it.  As women, our birthright is pleasure.

I believe the KEYS to my sexual healing was my WILLINGNESS, FAITH, COURAGE and a strong desire to heal deeply. Spirit had prepared me for this retreat that I needed and I was guided each step of the way by Spirit.  I am so grateful for my “YES” and that I didn’t let fear rob me as it had for many years. Instead, with the grace of God, I faced my fear head on.  Alleluia!

It is hard to put into words my experience, but I will try to capture it and share it with you. I have been on the healing/ spiritual path for over 40 years and have had lots of therapy, groups, retreats, but I have never experienced anything like this in all my years. I knew it was time to take my sexual power back, as well as clear lifetimes of trauma.

My experience was profound, deep, sacred, holy and powerful. There were women from the US, as well as from France, Peru, Argentina, Switzerland, Ireland and Equador. The love and sisterhood that was created was extraordinary. We were women sharing and healing one another through our bodies and loving one another. Because we are all connected what each of us does impacts all women.

Our leaders, Amrita Grace, and Caroline Muir, created a loving, sacred and safe container for all of us to open our hearts and heal trauma. We laughed, cried, played, swam, danced and meditated together I was surprised that several of the women had not been sexually abused, but were wounded and repressed from childhood, past relationships. both culturally and from their religion.

After attending the retreat and my sexual awakening and healing, something stirred inside of me and it felt like my soul was inviting me to work with women and teach them about this sacred experience.

After praying and meditating to discern if it was God’s will and talking to Larry about it, I decided to apply for the 6-month teacher training program to become a “Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator.”  I had just paid for the retreat and now I was considering putting out a big chunk of money again. GULP. I trusted the money would be provided if this was truly in alignment with God’s will.  I knew that stepping out in faith before the money arrived is essential for my growth.

I felt this was a call from Spirit, but I didn’t know if I would even be eligible for this training. When I called Amrita to discuss this, she was excited and said, “You are the perfect kind of woman that I want to attract into the program.” We both had chills and tears were rolling down my cheeks.

I love surprises, synchronicities, as well as how Spirit guides and provides for me. The same day I made the decision to move forward and say YES to the certification, I received a call from my son, Brian, telling me he had a buyer for my house in Providence that hadn’t even been put on the market yet. To make it even better, the buyer was going to pay cash.  Oh, happy day!

God always provides when I step out in faith, listen. trust and act.  Receiving the news of my house being sold on the same day I called Amrita to apply was a confirmation that I am aligned with God’s will for my life. I am very excited (and scared) about this opportunity to serve and support women, even though I was not looking for another career. I love the saying, “We make plans and God laughs.”

I truly believe that every woman would benefit from this sacred, holy experience. I have been awakened and given birth to myself.



Living life to the fullest

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For as long as I can remember (decades) I have said, “I want to live my life to the fullest. We are not promised tomorrow, all we have is today.”  I am not sure if I even knew what it meant back then, but I do now and will share with you how I live my life to the fullest today.

When I contemplated getting a divorce from my ex-husband 20 years ago, I remember clearly saying, “I want to live my life to the fullest and don’t want to be 70 years old and wish I had done it sooner.”  I knew I couldn’t live my life the way I wanted to and still stay married. After 30 years of marriage, stepping into the unknown was not for the faint of heart. It took courage and faith to move forward and get a divorce and start all over again.

For 10 years prior to my divorce, Spirit had been preparing me to get stronger and healthier. I did lots of personal/spiritual work and attended retreats and workshops. I did whatever I needed to do to find myself and love myself. I learned the importance of feeling my feelings and expressing them. I learned to set boundaries and say NO when I needed to. I learned to ask for what I wanted and I learned to let go and forgive. I learned how to BE.

My foundation is my faith in a power greater than myself, whom I choose to call God.  My life is a prayer.  Daily prayer and meditation enables me to trust and surrender, which ultimately leads to peace. I listen and hear the Voice of Spirit within, our “Higher Holy Spirit Self.” I know that I am guided and protected in everything I do.

The Course in Miracles states: “Prayer is a stepping aside, a letting go, a quiet time of listening and loving. It should not be confused with supplication of any kind, because it is a way of remembering your holiness.”

Today, I ask myself, “What does it really mean to “Live my life to the fullest?”  It means:

  • To practice living in the moment.
  • To appreciate every moment as if it were my last because we are not promised tomorrow.
  • To daily appreciate and love myself.
  • To appreciate my family and friends and tell them what they mean to me.
  • To live in an attitude of GRATITUDE.
  • To be a Vessel of Love.
  • To give and receive LOVE
  • To play, have fun and laugh.
  • To live in JOY.
  • To use my gifts in the service of others.
  • To take responsibility for myself; my behaviors, thoughts and feelings.
  • To understand how ego shows up when I think I am not good enough or when I compare myself.
  • To choose love instead of fear.
  • To take Pat days and do what I want to nurture my body, mind and spirit.
  • To trust and follow my intuition (even when it doesn’t make sense).
  • To communicate openly, honestly and authentically.
  • To be kind and share what I have – my time, love, possessions and home.
  • To be willing to do the next right thing.
  • To let go and let God.
  • To say YES to whatever shows up in my life and to accept “what is.”
  • To take care of my body, mind and spirit the best way I know how.
  • To forgive and let go of all resentments.
  • To ask for guidance from Spirit and know I am being guided in everything.
  • To know that there are no mistakes, only GODincidences.
  • To practice living my life with peace, ease and grace.
  • To let go of perfectionism and performance anxiety.
  • To embrace the Goddess within and know the truth of who I am. I am LOVE. I am God. And so are YOU.

I encourage you to live your precious life to the fullest. Where is Spirit calling you to grow and change so you can live your life to the fullest. This is not a dress rehearsal. It is your life to be lived in the most magnificent way. You deserve it and only YOU can make it happen. Step out in faith, let your light shine and follow your HEART.





Going within to make my decisions

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Do you have a hard time making decisions? Are you trying to make a decision about something now in your life?  Instead of making a decision and taking action, do you have a tendency to stay stuck and do nothing? Doing nothing is a choice. Perhaps you don’t have all the information you need to make the decision or it’s just not the right timing. All of these are valid reasons for not making a decision. It is a conscious choice you are making.

Sometimes it’s fear when you don’t make a decision one way or the other.  Fear is insidious and you may not even recognize it as fear.  You may be afraid to make the wrong decision because you don’t trust yourself, so you do nothing.  Fear can block you and keep you” stuck in the muck” and therefore you will miss God’s plan for your life.

I didn’t know it was fear when I put my book to bed for 6 years.  I am so grateful that God never gave up on me and I became willing to face my fears and write my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I wouldn’t be living the life of my dreams in Maui with Larry.

You may not know what you really want and that is why it takes so long to make a decision.  That’s ok because it often takes time to know what we really want.  I believe knowing what we want is the key to moving forward. Once we know what we really want and have asked for Spirit’s guidance, we can begin to take some steps in the direction we want and doors will open often miraculously.

When I was making the decision whether to move to Maui for 6 months, I drove myself crazy with all of my questions of HOW it could happen.  I talked to friends and did the pros and cons and prayed for God’s will. I discovered at the bottom of it all was the belief that I didn’t deserve it.  I cleared that belief quickly.  I finally got sick of myself going back and forth and not knowing what I was doing. I needed an answer and asked Spirit for help. I got quiet and simply said, “I’m moving back to Rhode Island.”  Immediately, my hand went over my heart and I let out of a GASP. It felt so heavy and I knew in my heart what my answer was.  When I said, “I’m going to live in Maui for 6 months” I had an incredible peace and knowing. The rest is history.

I have learned to “go within” to trust my intuition (which I believe is God) to make decisions in what feels right in the moment. I also know that I can change my mind if I want to. This is what happened this week:

A few months ago, I met a lovely spiritual woman at an art show. We briefly shared our lives and both felt like we wanted to get to know one another better. She facilitates dream circles and we discussed the possibility of having them at our home.  I gave her my card and she said, “I will be in contact to get together.”  I forgot about it and didn’t hear from her until last week.

She emailed me and wanted to get together to discuss the dream circles.  With my present health challenges and restrictive diet, I didn’t have the energy or the desire to get together with her.  I responded and said,

“Thank you for writing, but the dream circles are not going to work for me at this time.”

She responded and said, “I understand about the dream circles, but would you like to meet for tea or coffee?”

I still didn’t have the desire to get together and decided to be honest with her.

I responded and said, “I have some health challenges that I am dealing with right now so it’s not going to work for me.”

She was quite gracious and responded, “I healed myself after a 2-year illness. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.”

Something inside of me shifted and I knew I wanted to meet with her. I gave myself permission to change my mind. I sensed she had something important to tell me and I was open.

I responded and said, “I would like to meet for tea and hear about how you healed yourself.”

We met a few days ago and it was quite interesting, but not surprising, when she told me what her 2-year illness was and how she healed it

She said, “I had digestive/gut problems for 2 years that western medicine couldn’t figure out. I went to a Naturopath doctor and he diagnosed me with chronic parasites. I have been healed through diet, herbs and supplements.” We are on the same diet and shared our experiences with one another.

What a confirmation that I am on the right track with my health and what I am doing to heal myself.  I am grateful that I listened to my intuition and changed my mind to get together with her. Spirit is always guiding us to give us what we need and help us make decisions for our highest good as we “go within” and listen.




Never give up on your dreams

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I love to reflect and remember where I’ve been and how I’ve arrived at where I am today. I don’t know what’s ahead, and that’s probably a good thing. I practice living one day at a time and take inspired action and steps to move forward when I am led. I try to live in the moment where Love is. I trust God’s perfect and divine timing for everything in my life.

My heart is full of gratitude (and beyond my wildest dreams) this Easter as I think about all that has happened this past 4 years after I had my “Awakening,” Four years ago, Larry joined me for the Easter Sunday celebration at Unity Church. I was so touched when he gave me a beautiful white flower lei right before the service. I remember during the service praying, “God, open my heart if Larry is my soul mate.” I had just begun to have some romantic stirrings towards him after being best friends for 2 years. I believe it was that prayer that awakened me to the reality of love right before my eyes.

I know it wasn’t God’s timing until that very moment that my heart was opened and I was awakened. Although Larry and I were best friends and had built our relationship on trust and respect, we each had some inner work to do before we moved to the next level. We both had to be ready to receive the most incredible relationship that Spirit had promised. It is my belief that God places the desires of your heart in your heart. Do you believe that? Here is what I did to attract my soul mate:

  • I knew what I wanted and ASKED for it
  • I PRAYED for divine guidance
  • I SURRENDERED to God’s will and let go and let God
  • I TRUSTED in God’s perfect timing
  • I LOVED and TRUSTED myself and my intuition
  • I LIVED my life to the fullest doing what I loved.

I knew in my heart that I would meet my soul mate when I moved to Maui. It truly was stepping out in faith and the grace of God to pick up and leave family and friends and move 5,000 miles away.

At the same time of my “Awakening” and opening my heart to the possibility of a romantic relationship with Larry, I stepped out in faith and moved into my dream home overlooking the ocean and doubled my rent! That was a BIG step in faith as I went from $1200 a month to $2500 a month. As I think about it, I know I followed my heart path because my head said, “Are you crazy” Where the hell are you going to get that money?” I am grateful I followed my heart. I know my family and friends were a bit nervous as to where the money was going to come from. It was truly amazing how the money came in every month and I paid my rent on time.

The way Spirit guides me is through open and closed doors. If I am not sure if it’s the right path for me, I ask Spirit to open or close the door. As I am walking in faith, it always works and there have been many times when the door was closed!

I lived alone in my dream house for one year before Larry moved in. Larry and I have lived in the house together now for 3 years. We love it so much and cannot believe where the time has gone. We have no idea how long we will be here so we try to enjoy every minute of living here.

As most of you know, Larry and I were married last May, which was the desire of my heart. I love being married to Larry and he truly is an answer to my prayers. We love and support one another and encourage each other to be vessels of love wherever we can. We enjoy being retired and doing whatever we want when we want to. Life is good and we are grateful.

Never give up on your dreams. Keep believing and trusting in God’s timing. God has placed your desires in your heart and will answer your prayers in divine timing. If it happened to me, it can and will happen to you.



We are all ONE

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I am slowly discovering that there is nothing wrong with me and I don’t need to be fixed because I am a “divine” and perfect expression of God in this world.  This discovery comes through remembering the truth of who I am. I am love, you are love. We are all connected and are ONE.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t need to change or grow because life is about change, and I am constantly evolving and growing into the person Spirit intended me to be.

Many of my friends (including myself) are experiencing a time of “clearing, cleansing, purifying and releasing” with aspects of ourselves coming to the light that no longer serve us.  Everything that is hidden is being brought into the light so it can be healed and transformed.

Spiritual progress is about allowing things to come up to be released. When we ask to be healed, our unhealed/wounded places are forced to the surface. Our blocks to love are not suppressed or denied, but rather brought into our conscious awareness. Our fearful places must be revealed before they can be healed. This is not easy and can be painful and scary uncovering what has been hidden for eons.

We are all afraid, at some level that if people saw who we really are, they would recoil in horror. That is why we invent the mask, to hide our true selves. But the true self, the love within us, is that which is most beautiful. We must reveal ourselves at the deepest level in order to find how loveable we really are. When we dig deep enough into our real nature, we don’t find darkness, we will find endless light. I am coming to a place where I feel safe to be myself, trusting that my woundedness will not be judged, but loved and forgiven.

It takes courage and a willingness to grow to uncover our woundedness and unhealed places, rather than to stay in denial and unconscious for the rest of our lives. For example, when we compare ourselves to others and feel jealous or less than, it is because of our need to hold on to whatever we’ve got. It is because we think another person’s good takes away from our own. It is because we think our value will be diminished if another surpasses us.

It’s one thing to uncover the unhealed, wounded places within ourselves, but to share them with another is a real leap in faith and a desire to be free by bringing it to the light. Spirit is revealing to me how much of my life, my ego has been in control. I remember my high school years where I strived to be the best and the most popular, best dancer, best friend.  Inside, I never felt good enough so I was always striving to do more and get attention.

Spirit invited me to be transparent, authentic and vulnerable with my women’s group, called the “Cardinals.” We are a group of 7 sacred women who love, play, support and pray for one another daily. It truly is a special bond of deep love and trust that we have created with one another. I feel so blessed and grateful being a part of our group.

As you can imagine, it was scary to share the unhealed part of me that was being triggered in the group. It would be easier to just keep my struggle to myself and be quiet. I had to make a decision to trust them enough and be vulnerable to share my experience.  I prayed and asked Spirit for help.

Message from Spirit:

“You are all one and are not separate. What you are experiencing in group is your ego trying to make you feel separate. You are all triggered by your woundedness and when you bring it to the light, it is healed. Don’t be afraid to be honest and share your truth. You will be accepted. Your honesty will open the door for your sisters to be honest too.”

With the grace of God, I made the decision to be honest and share my struggle with my sisters at our next meeting. It was very difficult because I didn’t want to look foolish and share my shit!  After I shared, instead of feeling judged, I felt their love and support. It was a powerful group because not only was I healed, but it opened the flood gates for the other women to share their pain to be released and healed.

In the book, ONE WITH GOD the author writes, “This is a reflection of the human condition. The mind of man, the ego mind, is based on specialness, being the most favored in any situation or relationship. Each man feels his value diminished when another surpasses him. The ego must achieve a position above everyone else; it must win so everyone else will lose. This is the perfect trigger for your ego to arise and demand that it be special, honored and followed. Your ego is threatened now realizing it has lost its control because you have chosen Spirit as your guide.”



Our relationship is like a dance

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My friend, Jodene, turned to Larry and I and said, “Thank you for modeling what a healthy relationship should look like. I want what you have.”

We were surprised and delighted by her comment and both said, “Thank you.” Larry then chimed in and said, “Pat and I are very much on the same page on many things and we love to laugh. We know how important self-love is so we don’t look to one another to fill us up. We each have our own lives and interests and aren’t threatened by what the other does or doesn’t do. We are secure in our love for one another. Our relationship is like a dance that just flows in perfect synchronicity.”

What a confirmation about our relationship being like a dance because the next night we were out dancing and a woman came up to us and said, “I love how you dance, you are in sync and it brings me such joy to watch the two of you.”

We are filled with gratitude to God for the abundance in our lives. Larry and I are creating a “conscious” love relationship with Spirit and enjoying the peace and pace of our lives.

I “show up” daily to do my inner work, meditate and pray and ask for help from Spirit. I release old thought patterns that no longer serve me. I face my fears and change my thinking when I need to. I let go of control and take responsibility for my actions. I speak my truth in love and let go of wanting to rescue or fix someone. I practice living in the NOW and being present to Larry.

What stands out for me in our relationship is the RESPECT we have for one another. We give each other “space” and the “freedom” to do what is right for ourselves, trusting we know what we need to do. Respect means valuing each other’s points of view, even if we disagree with it.  It is hearing what the other person needs and not pushing what we want on them.

Flexibility is important to us in our relationship. We don’t have any set rules, if you will. Sometimes I do the laundry and sometimes he does. Sometimes I cook and sometimes he cooks. We are both easy going and have learned to go with the flow in most things.

What I really appreciate about our relationship is how Larry is emotionally present to me. Whenever I am struggling or just want to talk about something, he will put down what he is doing and listen to what I have to say.

I have learned to ask for what I need from Larry. For example: When Larry came into the bedroom the other day, he could see that I had been crying. Of course, he wanted to know what was going on.  When I shared my feelings with him and what was bothering me, he instinctively did what men often do and that was to try to fix me. He said, “Choose love and see the other person’s perspective.”  I knew I would eventually choose love, but at that moment I needed him to just listen to my feelings and not give me advice. I said, “Here is what I need for you to say to me. Of course, you are feeling disappointed and angry, I understand.”

Because of who he is and his love for me, he was willing to say those words to me. He understands how important it is to not give advice, but to just listen to my feelings.  I have learned that to feel is to heal and that feelings are not right or wrong. I just needed to be heard, not fixed.

I prayed and asked for help from Spirit. I was able to move through the difficult situation very quickly and the results were amazing.

It is our hope that by sharing these qualities that work for us, that they will help you know what is important in your relationship.


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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
PO Box 28844
Providence, RI 02908