Browsing all articles tagged with loving yourself

It felt like emotional surgery

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Mar
20

The one thing I am certain about on the spiritual path is that WE ARE NEVER DONE and there is always MORE. After several decades of doing inner work, forgiveness and transformation, I was surprised when Spirit brought to the light something that needed to be healed and released in me. It felt like emotional surgery that I believe was a “divine set up.”

My life was working well; I felt peaceful, I was getting married and I have a new grandchild. I share this experience with you so you will know that you are not alone and to show you how you can free yourself from any emotional blockages that you may have that are keeping you from living your life to the fullest.

I participated in the 10 day World Summit for EFT tapping.

Emotional Freedom Techniques is tapping on “meridian points” on the body, derived from acupuncture. It can release “energy blockages” that cause “negative emotions.” EFT is a

universal healing tool that can provide impressive results for physical, emotional, and performance issues. The premise includes the understanding that the more unresolved emotional issues you can clear, the more peace and emotional freedom you will have in your life. EFT can be an ongoing process that we use to clear out the old traumas, and welcome any new challenges with a healthy, productive attitude.”

The “divine set up” happened as I listened to the EFT talk with Carol Tuttle and participated in a tapping session called, “Whose energy is it?” We are made up of energy and can be affected by others’ energies without even knowing it. It can happen with a co-worker, spouse, or a friend. It can happen while we are listening to the news or radio and all of a sudden, we are feeling discouraged or depressed and don’t know why. It could be that you picked up someone’s energy and it is not yours.

The day after I did the tapping session, I attended a beautiful “love circle” and house blessing with my 6 soul sisters. The love energy and vibration was incredibly high and everyone felt it. I think being in that beautiful love energy brought to the surface the “energy blockage” from past trauma that needed to be processed and released.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with comparing myself and feeling jealous when I didn’t get the attention I craved and wanted when I was a part of a woman’s group. Instead of denying, minimizing or running from my feelings, I allowed myself to go into them and embrace them. For two days, I allowed myself “solitude” and quiet time to cry, feel and write what was coming up to be processed and released. I prayed and asked my friends for help, which was humbling and vulnerable. I don’t like emotional pain, but I know that if I don’t allow myself to feel my feelings, the energy will stay stuck in my body and I will get sick. As children most of us weren’t encouraged to feel our feelings and were even criticized for being too sensitive.

I chose to be vulnerable and as honest as I could be when I shared my struggle with a friend the next day. My heart was pounding, and I felt embarrassed, stupid and like a teenager. Deep shame seemed to envelop me, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I asked myself, “Where was this shame coming from?” I have learned that when something is very strong in the present, it is often about unresolved, blocked emotional pain from the past. You may not recognize that you are feeling shame. Shame is when you feel awful about yourself because you did or said something and you can’t stop beating up on yourself for days.

I thought about the tapping session that I experienced and asked myself, “Whose energy is it?” It was like a light bulb went off and I finally got it. It became clear to me that I have carried deep shame from my mother probably all of my life. My mother was an alcoholic and because of her illness my emotional needs weren’t met. She often ignored me and disappeared for days at a time. I didn’t know if she was dead or alive and I was terrified. I watched her try to kill herself by taking pills when she was drunk. What Spirit revealed to me was that I carried deep shame inside of me because I wanted and needed my mother’s attention and love. Of course, as a little girl, I wanted her attention and love and didn’t want to be ignored. I was still looking for that love from my mother all these years later and being in a group with other women triggered me.

With this new insight of why I struggled all my life with wanting attention and love from other women and not feeling like I would ever get it, I was able to love and be compassionate with myself. I was able to release and transform the shame by acknowledging it and feeling it. The truth will set us free. The EFT exercise released the energy blockage of shame that I carried all my life and blocked me from receiving the love that I so needed from my mother, myself and the women in my life.

Is there an area in your life where you have “energy blockages” and have carried shame or any other negative emotion that needs to be transformed and released? I encourage you to ask yourself, “Whose energy is it?”

Larry was upset and felt betrayed

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Aug
1

In Alan Cohen’s book, “Wisdom of the Heart” he writes, “It’s my own love I want, so why confuse it with seeking it from another? When you honor and nurture yourself, your happiness will proceed from within you and you won’t have to depend on another for it. As you give yourself more love, your relationships will change and reflect yourself-honoring. Another person isn’t the source of your love, you are. True love is an inside job.”

I bought a book at a yard sale called, “Madly in Love with ME” by Christine Arylo.  I liked the title and was familiar with the author. In each of the chapters, she gives you a list of questions to help you discover how well you are doing on your self-love journey.  I scored pretty high and was happy to see that I am on the right path of giving myself self-love.

I am grateful that Spirit always brings to light what is hidden in me so it can be transformed.  It could be old beliefs that no longer serve me and will hurt and hinder by spiritual growth.

One of the ways I give myself self-love is to pay attention to my moods, attitudes and feelings. When something is “stirring inside” and just doesn’t feel right, I pray and meditate and ask God for guidance. As I wait and listen, it always becomes clear what needs to change. I often discover it is my ego wanting to cause trouble and unrest in my soul. I know that once the ego is identified, it loses its power. It always helps me to talk about it with someone I love and trust.

As I’ve mentioned in past blogs, being in a relationship will often bring to light “my stuff”.  I was given several opportunities to see my stuff this week. Although it always surprises me when I discover an old belief that is still alive and well in my unconscious, I am grateful how quickly I am able to recognize it.

Rather than beat up on myself like I did for so many years when I discovered something about myself  or an old belief that was still playing in my head that I didn’t like, I have learned to be gentle, kind and loving toward myself.  I forgave myself and didn’t judge myself.  It really feels good when I give myself the unconditional love that I would give to one of my children or to a friend when they were hurting.

Without going into all of the details, Spirit revealed to me how I was giving my power away in a couple of areas of my life. Looking outside for validation and approval is always harmful because it is never enough. It is my own validation and approval that I am seeking.  Here is what was revealed by Spirit:

  • It is not always about me or something I have done wrong when someone doesn’t respond in the way I would like them to. For example, if I am ignored or someone doesn’t answer an email or phone call, it often has nothing to do with me. In other words, “Don’t take things personal.”
  • I was looking to Larry to validate my “dancing skills” (giving my power away) Instead, I am validating my own skills and they are “good enough.”
  • I don’t have to BE the best – I just have to DO my best and trust that is enough.

When I changed my beliefs and gave myself the validation and love that I needed, everything shifted. It didn’t matter what Larry thought about my dancing, it was what I thought that was important. And the best part was that my dancing improved.

Larry

The other day I offered a friend the gift of my time. My friend declined and we agreed that perhaps another time would be more convenient. Later that day Pat asked me, “How do you feel about your friend declining your gift?”  I replied, “I’m fine with the decision my friend made not to accept my offer.  Actually, I feel happy that our friendship is such that my friend feels comfortable to refuse a visit and knows there will be no ill feelings on my part.”

I proceeded to share with Pat an experience I had many years ago that taught me a very important lesson about giving with “no strings attached.” Pat asked me to share this story in the blog.  I was reluctant to do so at first since I am a very private person and don’t like to bring attention to myself.  Pat  suggested to me that the lessons I learned in this experience could be beneficial to others, so here it is. 

I worked in a soup kitchen in Hartford, CT. 30 years ago one day a week. We provided and cooked meals for around 100 people.  One evening in February on a snowy subzero night, I noticed one of the men had come into the building with just a light sweater on.  He was wet, shivering and looked like he was on his last legs.  I couldn’t believe he was out in these winter elements without a coat or jacket.   

I had worn my favorite winter parka which I loved because it was the warmest parka I had ever owned.  After noticing this man I just couldn’t let him to go out again at night without a jacket, so I gave him my winter parka.  He was very thankful and appreciative.   

About a half hour later, I saw this man wearing an old ratty jacket and the parka I had given him was gone.  I couldn’t believe it! I felt terrible and betrayed. I thought, “What’s the matter with him? Is he crazy? I gave my beautiful new parka away for nothing.”   

From my prospective, he had traded it and made a very poor bargain. 

Later in the evening while I was thinking about this experience, I asked myself some serious questions about my giving practices. 

  • Did I not give this person a gift?  
  • Did it have strings attached?
  • Do I give gifts with expectations?
  • Was he to use my gift according to my wishes and ideas?  
  • If I “gave” him the parka then he could do what he wanted to do with it.
  • It is no longer mine, it’s gone, out of my life. 

 One of the gifts I received was that I was able to be compassionate, generous and loving to a person I didn’t even know and give him something that was very important to me to make his life a little better.   

The other lesson I learned and haven’t forgotten 30 years later is that when I give a gift, there are no expectations or strings attached.  My joy is in the giving and you receiving. Thank you for taking the time to read our blog, 

 

I felt like an outsider in my family for many years

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments 7 comments
Jul
31
God is my spiritual compass or my GPS leading the way. When I’m going in the wrong direction or something doesn’t feel right inside, my intuition says, “recalculate” turn around or go in another direction. I am learning to trust my feelings to guide me because feelings are a gift from God and an important part of my GPS system.
Last December when I visited my family in Rhode Island, I said a prayer, “Lord, heal me of my need to be appreciated, seen and acknowledged in my family.” I wrote in my journal along with the prayer that I wanted to stop looking to others, especially my daughter, Mary, to appreciate me and acknowledge what I did for her. I also wrote an affirmation, “I love, accept and appreciate myself as a mother.” I needed to “recalibrate” and change direction. God heard my prayer and the affirmation worked. Here is what has transpired since then.
I just returned home from a family vacation in Rhode Island. I told my children that this was the best vacation ever for me. As we all know, family dynamics and “old patterns” can take years to shift as it has in my family. The unfortunate thing is they may never shift. Put divorce in the equation after 30 years of marriage and there is a whole new dimension to the healing journey.
Even though my children were young adults when my husband and I got divorced, the younger ones had a hard time accepting the divorce. They were angry and I sometimes got the brunt of their anger.  It took several years of prayer and sending them love to shift this. Being the adult and knowing they needed to grieve the loss of their parent’s marriage, I kept quiet and tried to give them their space to deal with their feelings.
It is my belief that I teach people how to treat me.  For example, if I don’t respect myself, others will not respect me. If I don’t appreciate myself, others will not appreciate me. It all starts with me. When I don’t appreciate myself, I look to others to fill me and it is NEVER enough. I looked to my children to appreciate me because I hadn’t learned to give the appreciation to myself first.
As time went on with the family dynamics, I realized that I needed to speak up to my children and set boundaries. I needed to tell them that their behavior was causing me pain and I wanted them to stop speaking to me the way they did. I remember exactly when and how it shifted. I was having Easter dinner with my two younger children and they started their usual antics with me. I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down at the table and ran to my room in tears.  I don’t think they knew how much I was hurting and allowing them to see my pain shifted everything in our relationship.
I love my family very much and I know they love me. But there was a certain “dynamic” of sarcasm (that they thought was funny) in the family that left me feeling like an “outsider” for many years.  Even though I was their mother, I didn’t feel a part of the family and was very quiet and couldn’t be myself in their presence. I sometimes was the brunt of their jokes and perhaps the scapegoat. It was very painful.  But as I healed and learned to love, respect and accept myself, things began to change in the family.
It took years to shift the family dynamics and patterns. I prayed, sent love, detached, cried, confronted and let go and let God. The bottom line is that I could not change other people. All I could change was myself and that was a big enough job.
Several months ago, I was led to start an “Appreciation” practice at night. Right before I fall off to sleep I mentally review the day and think about things that I appreciate about myself. It may be something very small like I smiled at the person in the bank who didn’t look very happy or I did something that was difficult and took courage. Some nights the list is pretty long and that feels really good. It forces me to think about the things I like and appreciate about myself, rather than what I didn’t do right or need to change. What I appreciate grows and appreciates!
Doing the “Appreciation” practice nightly has helped me during the day to think about what I’m going to put on my list that night.  If I am tempted to gossip or judge someone, I stop myself because I want to put that on my appreciation list that night.
This trip with my family was a testimony to the inner work and healing I have been doing for so many years. I not only experienced appreciation from my children in words of affirmations and how much I meant to them, but they showed their love for me in their behaviors. I felt respected, heard, affirmed and loved. It was truly amazing.
I spent time alone with each of my children and we did something fun together. Mary and I went to lunch and sat on the rocks overlooking the ocean at Beaver Tail.  I was so touched when she “thanked me” for how she was raised. Her partner, Glen, thanked me for being such a “strong woman” when I left to go back home. I went to dinner with my son, Jimmy and daughter-in-law, Lara, and ex-husband and had an amazing night. It truly felt like a miracle because I felt comfortable in my own skin. How good is that! My son, Brian, and I went to Boston and had lunch together and had a wonderful time.  My son, Tim, who lives in Boise, Idaho couldn’t make the trip and his presence was missed.
I share this story with you to give you hope and inspiration.  Don’t give up if you are struggling with family patterns and dynamics. I know the pain and struggle and I now know the power of love. God has changed me and my family one person at a time.  Remember, you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. Give yourself what you need, whether that is self-love, acceptance or appreciation. You deserve it.

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks and I didn’t know why

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
May
21

I needed a “Pat Day” and time to be alone to “go within” to meditate and pray. I drove to the ocean and parked my car along the road.  I sat on the rocks and allowed the sound of the ocean waves to wash over me. I could feel the tears bubbling up and wasn’t even sure why I was crying. When I finished meditating, I prayed and asked God for clarity and truth about what was coming up and what I needed to release or change. I asked myself, “Was the pain about the present or something from my past?” Pain is an indication (especially emotional pain) that something needs my attention.

As I’ve shared in past blogs, being in a relationship is great (and I wouldn’t trade it for anything), but it does bring up my “stuff” and where I need to change and grow. It not only brings up my “stuff” that needs changing, it brings up how I’ve grown and changed. I like this much better.

Today I’m celebrating my growth and the courage to “go within.” I am committed to my spiritual journey and allowing whatever needs to come up to come up to be transformed. I no longer medicate my feelings, but allow myself to feel everything. I know to feel is to deal and to heal; and feelings are a gift from God.

Writing is one of the spiritual tools I use to help me get clear on what’s going on in my life. I just keep writing and writing until I get clarity and get to the bottom of my pain.  Before I started to journal, I was able to identify some positive behaviors that I have changed over the years.

Spirit brought to mind an experience that I had with one of my sons about 10 years ago. I confronted him and shared my feelings about something he had done that hurt me.  Clearly he didn’t hear me and no matter how I tried to explain it, he wasn’t buying it.  I was frustrated because it was important for me to know he heard me (and change his behavior). After going around and around and trying every communication technique I knew, I finally got it and the light bulb went off. I was trying to control him  and trying to make him see it my way. When this realization came to the light, I apologized for my controlling behaviors, of wanting to be right and was able to let it go!

Here is what happened and where my growth was: I confronted Larry about something that happened the night before when we had company. He listened, but didn’t have the same perspective that I had. In fact, it was just the opposite. The good news is that I didn’t argue with him, try to control him and get him to see it my way. I trusted my perception and didn’t have to make Larry wrong and me right. This was definitely growth. I knew it wasn’t resolved yet and we needed further discussion, but that would be after my time alone with God.

In past relationships, it may have taken me a week or a month or a year to share my feelings. Because I was afraid to share my feelings, resentment would build up and it would often come out sideways. I also would tend to minimize or deny things because I didn’t want to rock the boat. There were times that I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I often asked friends, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?”

The growth for me is that I trusted myself, my feelings, Larry and the strength of our relationship to be honest and share my perception, even though it was different from his.

After Larry and I discussed the previous evening, I knew I needed to spend time alone with me. We had lunch plans with a friend. In the past (because of my people pleasing tendencies), I would have pushed myself to go to lunch because I thought someone else’s needs were more important than mine. I had to make a choice to love me and take care of my needs or to be there for another person. I chose to love me. I have learned the importance of loving myself first and filling up my tank before I can truly love another.

I spent 3 hours praying, writing and asking for clarity. I know my answers are within and if I ask, I will receive. What was revealed to me is that I am responsible:

  •  For myself, my perceptions and my feelings
  •  To give myself the attention and time that I need when I need it
  •  To communicate what I want and don’t want
  •  To set boundaries about what I will and won’t do
  •  To change what I can change
  •  To follow my heart, trust myself and change my mind when I want to

When I returned home, I shared with Larry all that happened in my prayer and meditation. I was clear, straight forward and non-judgmental. We had a great conversation and I felt loved and heard. Thank you God for answering my prayer for clarity & truth. Thank you for my awakening and the gifts that await me daily.

Alan Cohen writes, “When something painful happens, it isn’t the end of the story. It’s simply another chapter in the book. Hang in there until the end of the tale and you’ll find value and meaning in everything that happened and you’ll recognize its role in your awakening. A setback is really a setup and behind every tragedy awaits a gift. If you open it, it will be revealed.”

 

I was the queen of Multitasking

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Dec
4

As Larry and I were having a conversation about the holidays coming up, I thought about my family and friends and what I wanted to buy them for gifts. One of my love languages is giving gifts (and receiving them) so I wanted to find something that they would like.  As I thought about this, I decided that I wanted to love myself first and give myself a gift (as well as buying gifts for my loved ones). I didn’t want it to be a gift-gift, but something different and special. Before I share with you how I will love myself and the gift I’m giving myself, I will give you a glimpse of what my life was like.

There was a time in my life that I was the “Queen of Multitasking” and rushing. With four children under the age of 10, there never seemed to be enough time in the day and I learned to do many things at the same time.  I could be classified as an overachiever.  Can you relate?

For example, I was holding my son in my left arm nursing him, while counseling a friend on the phone and stirring something on the stove with my right arm.  I felt proud of myself and loved writing lists and crossing things off because at the end of the day, I felt like I had accomplished something and my day wasn’t wasted.  I didn’t know any better and thought it was a necessity to get everything done that I wanted to do. When we multitask, our attention is divided between other tasks which means that the quality of what we’re doing suffers. When we focus on one task at a time, the quality is definitely much higher.

I grew up in a home where I heard “hurry up” a lot.  I didn’t know how to do things slowly and one thing at a time.  Perhaps because I’m also a New Yorker, I did just about everything fast, from eating to driving to talking – and felt proud of it. Thank God, I have learned a better way and that is to relax and stop DOING so much. I have learned to BE, to enjoy and let fun and pleasure be the priority in my life.

That brings me to the gift I’m giving myself this Christmas, but not only at Christmas, but every day as a way of life.  Have you ever heard of the word “lollygagging”? I had to look it up in the dictionary to make sure it really was a word.  It says: “To spend time doing things that are not useful or serious or to fool around and waste time, to spend time idly, loaf.”

I wasn’t taught or encouraged to lollygag, but was taught the opposite; to be serious and get things done.  I have memories of being reprimanded for lollygagging and heard, “Stop lollygagging and get your room cleaned now.” Perhaps I knew the importance of lollygagging at one time but thought it was wrong or bad. As an adult, I felt guilty if I wasn’t doing or accomplishing something. I thought I was lazy if I just wanted to do nothing and relax. I sometimes still have to fight the belief that I’m lazy and that it is bad or wrong to do nothing.

I have a completely new understanding of what it means to lollygag today.  Lollygagging is being in the moment, having fun, being free, enjoying, relaxing, experiencing pleasure, being playful and kind of mindless.  It is really about letting Spirit lead me and doing what feels right in the moment. It is not a time to produce, to please, to impress, or to accomplish anything and there is no agenda. Can you imagine what it would be like to feel good about wasting time on yourself and to just fool around? It’s glorious.

I am proud to say that I am now the “Queen of Lollygagging” and pleasure.  I waste time on myself doing what I love and want to do.  Larry and I lollygag when we go to Costco and just kind of float around looking at new things and tasting all the food samples they give out.  We have so much fun and laugh and he calls it “Pollygagging” because we are now partners.  I mean really, how can you have fun and play at Costco?

You may be thinking, “Sure Pat, you’re retired and have the time to lollygag, but, I have a job and family to take care of and that is the last thing I can do.”  I know what it is like to have a family and a job and go to school at the same time. I know what it is like to go from one thing to another and still feel like there is so much more to do.  At one time, I put everybody else’s needs ahead of my own so there wasn’t time or energy for my needs and I was stressed and exhausted all the time.

With all the stress and demands in our lives, it makes it even more important to give yourself the gift of lollygagging once in a while.  Perhaps a few hours on the weekend or 1 hour a day, whatever feels good and works for you.  When our tanks are full because we have spent time loving and honoring ourselves we will be able to give to others from our surplus. You will also teach your children the importance of taking care of yourself and not being a martyr or saint because of all you do for others.

What gives you pleasure?  Whatever it is, give it to yourself and make yourself a priority. You are important and worth it. Start with doing one good thing for yourself every day and it will feel so good, that you will want to do it more and more.

This is the season of giving – to yourself FIRST and watch the miracles unfold. Then you will be able to receive with an open heart. You won’t look to others to fill and complete you because you have already given it to yourself.

 

 

My ego showed up and reared it’s ugly head

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Jul
1

My primary relationship is with myself. As I learn to love and appreciate myself, I will receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. I must give it to myself until I am so full and overflowing with love that when I give to another, I will come from a place of love and joy. As I learn to love and accept myself, my energy will vibrate in an uplifting way and, since we are all part of one big energy field, ALL of us are infused and uplifted by me as I learn to love myself.

I love how the Universe works and provides me with everything that I need and in the perfect and right timing. Of course, I love when God provides the big things (like a home on the ocean and my soul mate), but sometimes it’s the small things that get my attention. For example, my workshop, “Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness” was yesterday.

Whenever I led a workshop in the past, I always used a chalk board or erasable board to write on as the participants shared. I thought about buying one, but then forgot about it. My friend, Ellen, arrived first and handed me a gift and a card. She said, “Pat, here is your house warming gift that I forgot to bring with me on the day of your house blessing.” I smiled when I opened it and knew why she gave it to me 5 minutes before the workshop started.

It was an address book with an erasable board and pen in the front of the book. I was able to use it during the workshop to write on as the women shared. It was small but perfect and did the job. Talk about delivering what I need when I need it. Thank you God.

It was an amazing and powerful day of sharing, introspection and healing for the women. The oldest woman who attended was 87 and the youngest woman was only 29 years old. What was incredible was that the age differences didn’t matter because they shared openly from their hearts and related to each others struggles regarding loving themselves.

They were each given a handout and asked to identify behaviors that were self-loving and behaviors that weren’t loving to themselves. Some of the common threads were:

*Not knowing what they wanted and being able to ask for it

*Not loving their bodies and accepting all parts of it

*Not being in touch with their feelings and able to express them

What a glorious day as we danced together in the closing circle to “God meant that I should dance.”

Loving Yourself is the Key to True Happiness

Connect with Yourself

Slow down and get quiet enough to listen to your Spirit, God, inner guide, intuition and spend less time listening to other people’s opinions or the loud, critical voice inside your own mind. One of the best practices for cultivating the ability to hear your inner guiding system is meditation. If finding the time to sit quietly is not realistic at the moment, an even simpler life-changing practice is to make daily mundane activities—such as brushing our teeth or standing in line at the grocery store—a time for quiet reflection. In these moments, ask for guidance and listen for some clear answers. When we connect with ourselves, it gives us access to an inner abundance of wisdom and knowledge. This inner source of wisdom will always guide us to our best right actions.

Set an Intention to Be Happy

Despite what we may have been taught, happiness is as simple as just choosing to be happy. When we truly believe that happiness is a choice we will instantly empower ourselves in any situation, whether it’s a relationship, job, or pattern of thinking that’s been creating judgments, worry, doubt, fear, or confusion. The moment we choose to perceive things differently by choosing a loving perception of ourselves, others, and our circumstances, we not only strengthen our capacity to feel happy, we also open ourselves up to limitless possibilities where there once was seemingly no solution. T

This is a lifelong practice, because when we’re not monitoring our thoughts, they have a tendency of veering back into fear and worry. One of the simplest and most profound ways we can align with loving perceptions each day is to practice setting an intention every morning when we wake up. This intention can be very simple: Just say to yourself, I choose happiness—and feel it.

Surrender

Most of us don’t know what “surrender” means. It’s the opposite of the way many of us operate, which is by attempting to control outcomes and situations and to make things happen. In contrast, surrender occurs when we release our need to control things, and instead choose to place a higher level of trust and faith in a power greater than ourselves and in the process of life.

When we tap into this relaxed energy, we allow that which we desire to flow to us in a miraculous way. The job, relationship, or whatever we are envisioning and desiring for our lives is all on its way—and when we surrender our plans for the time line and the form in which we think it should arrive, we allow an even bigger and better outcome to take place. When we are not fearfully boxing ourselves in, we are able to fearlessly say YES to limitless opportunities for joy to enter our lives.

 

 

 

 

 

IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU: TIPS ON HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments
Jan
14

Loving yourself is a process and a life long journey. I choose to love myself daily.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t always like that and I had to learn to love myself.  The truth be known, I hated myself and felt inadequate most of the time.

As the captain of the cheerleading squad at East Meadow High School in New York, I loved cheering for the football and basketball teams. I also “cheered for” my friends who often came to me with their problems. They knew I would listen and wouldn’t judge them.  But what about me?  Did I cheer for myself?

I hate to admit it, but I didn’t know how to cheer for myself. I looked outside of myself for others to approve of me and tell me I was okay.  My self-esteem was like a yo-yo.  If you liked me, I felt good about myself and if you didn’t like me, I didn’t feel good about myself.  Instead of loving myself, I judged and beat up on myself.  I didn’t know how to love myself and I didn’t have a “self”.  I became a people pleaser and was loved starved.  I wasn’t in touch with my feelings (especially anger), what I wanted or who I was.  But, I looked good on the outside-like I had it all together.

About twenty five years ago, I learned about Codependency and it changed my life. I gradually learned to like myself and then to love myself. Codependency can be called “other-addiction.” Codependents have a long history of focusing their thoughts and behaviors on other people, often at the expense of themselves. They “people please” and will do almost anything to get the approval of others.  People pleasers are full of anger because their needs are rarely met because they are so busy taking care of everyone else. They look very competent on the outside but on the inside they feel quite needy, inadequate, helpless, or perhaps nothing at all. They may have experienced abuse or emotional neglect as a child. They are outwardly focused on others, and know very little about how to direct their own life from their own sense of self.  Sound familiar?

We cannot change until we are aware of our behaviors and what needs to be changed. I needed to change. I learned to stop beating up on myself and looking outside for my answers and self esteem. I began to affirm myself, “I like and approve of the person I am becoming.”  I said it constantly and after awhile, I started to believe it.  This was the beginning of self-love.  Nobody can love you like you can love yourself.  When you love yourself, you learn to love others.  Love is the answer. The bible says “love your neighbor as yourself.”  We often forget about loving ourselves first.

My journey has been one of self-discovery, self-love, self-confidence and self-trust. I started to say NO and stopped “shoulding” on myself.  I put a sticky on my phone that said, “I will not should on myself.” At first, my children and family weren’t happy when I set boundaries and said no. They thought I was being selfish. I told them it was self-care!  Today, I say no easily when I want to and so do my children.  And the best part is – I don’t feel guilty and neither do they!

Loving myself means I stop acting like a victim, blaming and judging others. I take responsibility for my feelings, actions and behaviors.  It means I forgive myself for years of not loving myself, beating up on myself and having to be perfect.  Today, if I make a mistake, I quickly forgive myself and see what I can learn from it.  If others do something that I don’t like, I choose to forgive and see the perfection in it – that I attracted it into my life for my highest good and healing. I believe everything happens for a reason and that it’s for my highest goo

                                                       TIPS ON LOVING YOURSELF

1.  STOP ALL CRITICISM– Criticism never changes a thing.  Refuse to criticize yourself.  Accept and love yourself exactly as you are – knowing you are doing the best you can.

2.  DON’T SCARE YOURSELF – Stop terrorizing yourself with your negative thoughts.  Find a mental image that brings you pleasure and switch your scary thoughts to pleasurable thoughts.  Remember the good things that have happened in the past.

3.  SPEND TIME ALONE IN MEDITATION AND PRAYER-  Plug into the Power within on a daily basis. Allow yourself to receive Divine Love and healing.  Journal your feelings and focus on what you have, rather than what’s missing.  

4.  BE KIND TO YOUR MIND – Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts.  Change your thinking and focus on the positive things in your life.  Start a gratitude journal.

5.  PRAISE YOURSELF – Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. Stop looking for others to validate you. Be patient with yourself and treat yourself as you would your best friend. Look into your eyes often and tell yourself the truth of who you are as a child of God.  

6.   SUPPORT YOURSELF – Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you.  Asking for help and being vulnerable when you need it is sign of strength and courage. It gives others permission to ask for help when they need it. 

7.  TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY – Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality?  Exercise.  Cherish and revere the temple you live in.  

8.  ACCEPT YOUR GIFTS – Step into your greatness and magnificence. Stop hiding and let your light shine.  Find your passion and live it. Live your dreams.

newsletter sign-up

Stay updated by signing up!


Listen to Finding The God of Your Understanding

Simply A Woman of Faith

Pat’s book, Simply A Woman of Faith, is available for only $16.45 (incl. S&H).
Click here to order.

VIEW SAMPLE CHAPTER




Recent Articles


Share This Experience!


Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
PO Box 28844
Providence, RI 02908
pat@simplyawomanoffaith.com
401-862-8859