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Fear reared it’s ugly head – What if I run out of money”

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May
28

I really enjoy spending time with my friend, Larry, because we both like sharing about Love and what spirituality means to us. Our conversations just flow and are so meaningful and thought provoking. When we were leaving the Palms Restaurant last night after our 2 ½ hour “happy hour” conversation about the importance of gratitude in our lives, I said, “The more grateful we are, the more God blesses us and gives us more.” I then said, “I just realized I am not afraid anymore.” I laughed and said, “Watch, tomorrow I will be hit with fear.” I have to remember to watch my words!

I woke up the next morning to a text on my phone. Back in January, when my new tenants moved into my condo in Rhode Island, I had to have some major work done before they moved in. The work was completed, but I never received a bill from the company. I called them to remind them that they hadn’t sent the bill a few months ago. I still hadn’t received the bill, until this morning. The text read, “Please send me your address so I can send you the bill for the work completed.” I had no idea what the bill was going to be and my Imagination went a little wild.  

Immediately, fear reared its ugly head. I thought, “What if I run out of money? I “should” start looking for a job to bring in money, I won’t have enough money to go back and visit my kids every year in Rhode Island. I won’t be able to stay in Maui.”  Yikes! Where did that come from?

              Have you ever worried and felt afraid that you would run out of money?  Be honest!

The good news is that I recognized my distorted thinking immediately and knew that I needed to change my thinking! I knew this was scarcity/lack thinking and that it is not the truth of who I am anymore. I needed to remind myself that even though I am a spiritual being, I am still human and will experience fear and all my emotions at one time or another.  There was a time in my life that fear ruled my life and I cried myself to sleep because I felt so much fear.  As soon as I sat down to pray and meditate, I felt the peace return and this is what I opened up to in one of my daily spiritual books.

“I, the Creator of the Universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with me at a deep level. I offer abundant life; your part is to trust Me, refusing to worry about anything. It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the results you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to MY Presence. Stop all you striving, and watch to see what I will do. I am the lord.”  

It is my belief that God wants us to TRUST and thank Him/Her for everything that happens in our lives. I hear God saying to me, “Pat, relax and trust me. Let go of the “How” things will work out. Know that I am your Source and am taking care of you.” The question for me is “Can I really trust God and relax when most of my life I have had to “work hard” and make things happen?” I am so grateful because my life is so blessed now and every once in a while my ego gets in the way and there is fear that it will be taken away and won’t last. Like, this is too good to be true. Have you ever felt that way when things were going really great?

I am happy and peaceful when I surrender my will to God’s will and let go of trying to control how my life unfolds. When I think back over my life, there has never been a time where God hasn’t provided and sometimes miraculously! For those of you who haven’t read my book, Simply a Woman of Faith, I would love to share a part of Chapter IV “Buy it and I will Provide.”   I hope you enjoy it as much as I love telling it.

“My husband had been unemployed for a year, and we had four children under the age of ten. I swallowed my pride and applied for food stamps and welfare. I will never forget the feeling of humiliation when I stood in line waiting at the welfare office. God, I’m so embarrassed. I want to disappear. I can’t believe this is happening to us. I’m at the end of my rope, and you have to do something quick. Haven’t we been through enough? Even though we struggled a lot during that time and didn’t know where the money was coming from to pay the monthly bills, God always provided. We never went without food or shelter. And we never missed a mortgage payment.

On the day that I bought my God-blouse, I had some time to kill as I waited to pick up the children from school. I’ll just mull around the corner boutique. Even if I don’t have money, I can still window shop, I told myself. I took my time browsing around the store, looking at all the pretty summer clothes on display. I wish I had money to buy something, God.

I spotted the clearance sale sign in the back of the store and quickly walked over to the clothing rack I had no intention of buying anything, but the blouse jumped out at me. I fell in love with it. The delicate soft pink roses on the collar of the blouse looked pretty and would look great with my black pants.

Wow, it’s only ten dollars, I thought to myself. I wanted to forget that my husband was out of work and I couldn’t afford it.   

You don’t need a blouse Pat; you have plenty of clothes in your closet, my conscience argued. As I reluctantly placed it back on the rack, I heard that small still voice of God say: BUY IT AND I WILL PROVIDE I pulled out my wallet to see how much money I had in it. I had a ten dollar bill tucked away in the billfold. And in Massachusetts, clothing was tax free. I had exactly the right money to buy that blouse-no more, no less.

God, did I hear you right? BUY IT AND I WILL PROVIDE Is my imagination running wild? If I spend the money on a blouse, where will I get the money to buy milk and bread on my way home? I wanted to believe it was God, but could I trust myself? In the past, miracles happened when I listened to God. I prayed quietly to myself and listened. My gut was saying – trust God and buy the blouse.

I picked up the children from school and drove directly home (not saying a word to anyone about my purchase.) I grabbed the mail from the mailbox as I walked in the house, hoping there weren’t any bills.

Nothing important, the usual junk mail, I thought to myself. What’s this? A letter with no return address on it? Who could this be from?

I quickly opened it, eager to see what was inside. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the crisp new ten-dollar bill tucked inside the note card. As I read the simple, but profound message written in the card, I started to tremble from head to foot. Oh my God, I shouted as the tears streamed down my cheeks. Who sent this to me? I frantically searched for a name, but there was no name anywhere. Sprawled across the handwritten note was simply,

                                                         To Pat, From the Son of a Carpenter

Filled with awe and gratitude, I couldn’t stop laughing and crying at the same time. God provides, but I didn’t expect it so dramatically and so quickly. I still don’t know who sent the card and money – and probably never will. The person who sent it listened to the small still voice of God and obeyed. Twenty five years later, I still wear my God-blouse and get compliments. It’s always an opportunity to tell the story of God’s magnificent love.”

As an inspirational speaker, I have shared this story countless times and I love to watch the expressions on people’s faces; their eyes widen and mouths open. They probably think to themselves, “Is she kidding me and is she for real?”  But, they never forget the story of how God provided!  I have had people come up to me years later and say “I still remember your God-Blouse story.”

Our God is a God of surprises and wants to provide for all of our needs. I must be open to receiving all the good God has for me. In the past, I have blocked God’s blessings because I didn’t feel deserving. Do you block God’s good because you don’t feel worthy or deserving? God hears all of our prayers and knows all of our needs. Sometimes our prayers are answered right away and we manifest immediately. Sometimes, we have to wait and we learn patience and trust. What I know for sure is that God’s timing is perfect and I am in the perfect and right place in my life. And so are you!

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
PO Box 28844
Providence, RI 02908
pat@simplyawomanoffaith.com
401-862-8859