My heart rejoiced when I looked outside my kitchen window and heard the red cardinal singing to me. I went up to the Star deck in my ohana which overlooks the ocean and the mountains of Maui. I just sat there still and mesmerized by the power of the ocean in front of me. I became ONE with the ocean, the mountains, the sky, the birds and with God.
It was an amazing feeling of freedom, light and love. I experienced the peace that passes all understanding deep in my heart because I realized that I was living my dream. It was as if I had come out of the darkness and into the light. I had pushed through the tunnel to get to the light. As I reflected on the past months (leaving home, family and friends) and what I had experienced through the trials and times of letting go, I realized through the grace of God that I had moved through the tunnel by allowing whatever needed to come up into the light to come up, without judgment or condemnation. I allowed myself to feel everything and loved and accepted that part of me that was scared to death. I also stayed in an “attitude of gratitude”, trusting that everything was happening for a reason. This is how the healing and transformation came about.
It is so easy to think, “I should be further along after all the years of therapy and spiritual work that I have done.” We may be tempted to beat up on ourselves for where we are on our journey, rather than accept we are exactly where we need to be. I have read that the deeper we go with God, the more we will see our darkness and what needs to be transformed and healed.
I also know through my own personal experience and my professional experience of being an alcohol and drug therapist how easy it is to numb/medicate our feelings through addictions. In my book, Simply a Woman of Faith, I write, “Rushing was my addiction. I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. I always pushed myself to do and be more. I didn’t feel good enough and didn’t know how to relax. I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within.”
I received an email from a woman who had just read my blog that morning that touched my heart. I would like to share it with you. She writes, “This morning as I was reading your blog and looking out my window, I saw your words in action. I noticed the blind woman walking towards the clubhouse with her companion in front of her. The blind woman had her arm outstretched, her hand resting on her companion’s shoulder for guidance. I could not help but see the lesson in front of me. The blind woman, with each step, stepped out in complete faith and trust knowing that she was being safely guided and directed. I hope to keep this memory and call it up as often as needed. God is always in front of me ready to safely guide me, I need only put out my hand for assistance and He will guide and help me.”
Dictionary meaning of “guide” – One who shows the way by leading, directing, or advising, usually by reason of his greater experience with the course to be pursued.”
How blessed and grateful I am to have a God who is there to guide, direct and provide for me on my path. Guidance means GOD U & I dance. When I allow God to lead and I follow we dance beautifully together. It is when I try to lead and want my will instead of God’s will that I get in trouble and stumble and fall. Daily, I am learning to dance with God through prayer and meditation and by following my intuition.
I’ve shared in other blogs that God is my source and I trust in divine abundance and order. With my mouth wide open, I gasped when I opened the card I just received and saw a $100 dollar bill. There was a beautiful note that read, “Hi Pat, I chose to tithe to you, as my definition of tithing is to give to sources that spiritually feed me. I too am learning to put all my faith in God and ‘let go’ of the need to control things. Your blog continues to inspire me and strengthens my core beliefs that God will always provide. When things seem hard, just remember I am praying for you and you are not alone.” In the card was not only one $100 bill, but 5 one hundred dollar bills. Ironically, or better yet it was synchronicity that I just paid the day before $500 for the new “used” engine for my car that I picked up. God is good!
A couple of hours before this blog was scheduled to go out, I received another gift of $45 in the mail from a man who was also led to tithe to me. Thank you dear souls from the bottom of my heart – whether it be $500 or $45, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that God is faithful and I know when we trust with our whole heart and soul, we will always be provided for.
Writing my blog every week and being authentic is my way of serving and bringing glory to God. Taking the time to “hang out with God” reminded me of how loved and cherished I am.
I write my weekly blog on Fridays so when I went to bed last night I said, “God, I have nothing to share, what do you want me to write about this week?” Silly me! God heard that prayer because when I opened my eyes this morning, some strong feelings came to the surface. I’m still waiting for the repairs on my car to be finished, and without a car to get around, I was feeling trapped and alone in my ohana. My landlords are also doing construction on the house I am living in, so I knew it would be loud and noisy and I didn’t want to stay home alone. Not having wheels to get around and having to ask for help on a daily basis has definitely been challenging. Over the years, I have been codependent, independent and now I am learning the meaning of being interdependent. This is a good thing!
During my prayer, I was led to pick up a book (that I hadn’t read in years) and read a chapter from “The Wisdom of Florence Scovel-Shinn.” God really spoke to me through reading this chapter. She writes, “Man has so long separated himself from his good and his supply, through thoughts of separation and lack, that sometimes it takes dynamite to dislodge these false ideas from the subconscious, and the dynamite is a big situation. How can I get rid of fear? By walking up to the thing you are afraid of. The lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away and he runs after you. Scovel-Shinn write about how the lion of lack disappeared when an individual spent money fearlessly; showing faith that God was his supply and therefore, unfailing. There is no peace or happiness for man, until he has erased all fear from his consciousness.” I knew in my spirit that God was inviting me to fearlessly face my lion of lack and trust, and act in faith, knowing that all of my needs were being supplied. I reminded myself that money is energy and that God is my source.
After my prayer, I called my friend Trudy to ask her if she wanted to drive with me to a special Sound Healing ceremony on the eve of the new moon, which was being held at another friend’s house that night. She said, “I would love to do that.” When I asked her what she was doing, she replied, “I am still in bed and reading your book. It’s the chapter about courage.” I said, “I could sure use some courage now.” I then proceeded to tell her what I was experiencing. When I was done, she asked if she could read me something from my book. Of course, I said,”Yes.” She told me later that day that she just opened the book randomly and read what she opened up to. Here is what she read to me.
several years ago and decided to sell them a few months earlier. I received a check for twenty two hundred dollars from the credit union which enabled me to catch up on my bills. A month after I sold the stocks and received my money, I received another statement stating I had two thousand three hundred dollars in my account. There must be a mistake, I thought. I called the credit union the next day and asked what my balance was. “Mrs. Hastings, you have a balance of two thousand three hundred dollars.” I asked, “Are you sure?” She said, “Yes, is there a problem?” “No, No problem at all.” I don’t know how that happened, but it did. God works mysteriously. The money was there all the time, but I never saw it and didn’t know it was there. For whatever reason, it wasn’t on the monthly statement that I received each month (or I didn’t see it because I probably would have spent it.) The money came when I stepped out in faith, trusting God would provide.”
A few minutes after we hung up, Trudy called me back to remind me,”Pat, the reason I was able to talk to you on the phone and read the chapter from your book was because you lent me money yesterday so I could buy a phone card. Clearly, we were helping one another in a big way!
I then remembered what many people have shared with me about being
called to live in Maui. “You will be tested the first year you are living there and Mother Maui will spit you out if you are not meant to be there.” I am being tested and my faith in God continues to grow and deepen as I let go and trust. I am being mindful of Florence Scovel Shinn’s wise words, and I am walking up to the thing I am afraid of. Remember that the lion takes its fierceness from your fear. Walk up to the lion, and he will disappear; run away and he runs after you.
Science of Mind pg.49
“No matter what happened in the past, have faith and trust that you are always guided, always directed. Increasing your ability to trust is an ongoing process. The more you trust and have faith, the more you see the results that you are intending to see. Inner peace comes from having trust that everything is happening in divine order and divine right timing. It takes courage to surrender. It is an ongoing process that happens everyday as the egoic mind attempts to direct life from a place of separation, fear and doubt. In this surrender, we find joy, grace and peace. We will find that all the things we were looking for somehow miraculously appear. Surrender to the power that breathes your breath, and know that every good thing will be added unto you”
As I sat down to write this, I lit a candle and asked God to speak through me clearly because I knew the learning and healing I experienced this week was profound. For most of my life, it was my belief that I had to be strong, perfect and “together” for me to be loved. I am learning that when I am weak, God is strong in me. I am also coming to believe that being vulnerable is a “strength” (rather than a weakness) because it allows me to be cared for by God and others in ways that are nurturing and healing. I am not only learning to trust and depend on God in a deeper way, but I am learning to ask others for help and to trust they will be there for me when I need them. I am on a spiritual journey of profound reliance on God. It is a faith walk that I take one step at a time, leaning on God and others as much as I need to.
I woke up this morning with a sharp pain in my neck and filled with anxiety. I kept repeating to myself, “I let go, I let go, I trust you God.” A few hours later when my friend Trudy came over to give me a ride to the bank, she could see the pain on my face. I burst into tears and said, “I am feeling very vulnerable, afraid and needy.” Feeling vulnerable, needy and powerless is not a place I like to be; I like to be in control and know that I can take care of myself at all times. When I told her what was going on, she was so compassionate, loving and happy to hold a space for me. She said, “When I was in so much pain last month, you called me every day to check on me and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I am happy to be here for you today.” She prayed with me while gently rubbing my back. We thanked God together for already answering my prayers. When she finished, we both cried as we knew on a deep level that God had brought us together to help and support one another in our time of vulnerability and need.
Here is what was going on: I let my friend borrow my “Maui Cruiser” car when I went back to Rhode Island for Christmas. A few days later she called and said, “Pat, I am afraid to drive your car because it is making a lot of noises. I cannot pick you up at the airport because I don’t think it will make it.” My car was working great when I left. I called my friend Steve who knows a lot about cars and helped me buy my car in September. He offered to go to my friend’s house and take a look at it for me. After he checked it out he said, “I think we should have it towed to my mechanic to make sure it is ok.” I agreed and called AAA in Hawaii and they were able to coordinate the towing to the garage. I was very grateful for Steve’s willingness to assist me with my car.
I was in Rhode Island and there was nothing I could do about it so I chose to stay in peace and trusted that the problem with my car was something minor and would be fixed. Of course, when I returned to Maui, I didn’t have a car and had to ask friends for rides to get around. Trudy has also offered to be my taxi cab driver while I am without a car. I wasn’t prepared when Steve called to give me the prognosis about my car. He said, “Pat, it needs a new engine. I have been looking on Craig’s list for a used engine and I found one in Lahaina and it costs $500. I will need the cash to bring to the mechanic so he can use his truck to pick up the engine.” I got off the phone in tears. I prayed and asked God who I could call to cash a check for me. My bank is out of state and I hadn’t opened a Hawaii bank account yet. Immediately, another friend came into my mind and I called and asked him for help. He was happy to assist me and agreed to meet me at his bank the next morning. I was filled with gratitude for his willingness to help me.
I realized that my feelings of vulnerability came from being alone here without family and not knowing anything about cars and engines and what I should do. I was choosing to trust Steve to guide me in my decision making. I prayed and asked God to open the door if I was to move forward and buy this “used engine” and close the door if it wasn’t a good engine. The story will be continued as it unfolds.
While this car business was going on which was stressful enough, I received a call from my new tenant in Rhode Island telling me she had several problems that needed to be addressed immediately; one of them being a leak in the dining room ceiling. My son gave me the name of someone who worked for him when he owned property. I called Walter and he agreed to go over the next day and address all of the problems. He contacted me afterward and told me what was needed to rectify the problems. Being 5000 miles away from my condo left me feeling quite vulnerable. I am sure that he could sense my stress with my quivering voice because as we were getting off the phone, he said, “I have it covered Pat, don’t worry.” It felt like God was saying to me, “I have it covered Pat, trust me and don’t worry. I have everything under control.”
The same day, I found out that one of my emails was hacked into and Delta Dental was dropping me because they hadn’t received my payment. Thank God both of these situations were taken care of and I didn’t lose my dental insurance.
I am learning to trust God by relinquishing my control and letting go and letting God. I am learning to ask others for help and trusting they will be there for me when I need them. I am learning to thank God in advance for how my prayers are being answered because an attitude of gratitude keeps me focused on God’s presence and power.
It is my belief that everything happens for a reason and that it is through problems and failures, weakness and neediness that I learn to rely more and more on God. Each problem or failure is followed by a growth spurt. I must have had a gigantic growth spurt this week. Whee…….. I am glad I got through it and can write about it. I know it’s all good and it’s all God.
DAILY WORD – LET GO LET GOD Jan/Feb pg.23
As I let go and let God, I am in the divine flow of life. Chores, tasks, commitments – I always have plenty to do. At times, I may even let my to-do list manage me, rather than the other way around. So today, I take a different approach: I let go. I let go of rushing, resentment, perfectionism and any feelings of insufficiency. Whatever I choose to do, I focus on it with gratitude, aware of the presence of God in this moment and in this work. I let God direct me through each activity with grace and ease, and I experience the joy of giving. When I finish, I bless what I have done and move on to my next task. I work in this way throughout the day, letting go and letting God steer me from one activity to the next. I am in the divine flow, and I am grateful
As this year comes to an end and a new year begins, I want to thank all of you who have supported and loved me this past year. It has certainly been a year of adventure, stepping out in faith and living my dreams. I have loved sharing it with you and inspiring you to live your dreams as well. Many of you have written to me sharing your dreams as well as your struggles and how your faith in God has been tested and strengthened. For many of us, it has been a year of “letting go and letting God.”
When you receive this blog, I will be on my way back to Maui from my visit with family and friends in New England. I so look forward to being back in paradise and the warm weather and the whales that are coming back. It was great seeing everyone and spending time together. We all stayed with my daughter Mary and she did a fantastic job of cooking delicious meals for all of us.
We even had snow on Christmas day and 8 inches of snow 3 days later. I was prepared with my heavy coat, boots and gloves as we took a walk through the woods. My son Jimmy and his girlfriend Lara had a beautiful Christmas tree (that he cut down himself) that filled the room and reached the ceiling. We celebrated the Winter Solstice at my
daughter’s farm with singing and a big bonfire, where we were invited to write down what we wanted to let go of and what we wanted to bring in for the new year. Five year old Cielea said, “I want to let go of crying and I want to bring in flowers and a healthy new baby (Her mom is due to give birth any day.)
Even though I had a wonderful time being with my family, “my stuff” came up (which never feels very good.) I think being with family (especially ex’s) triggers old behaviors, patterns and feelings that still need healing. I prayed for a dream, asking for clarity on what needed to be changed in me. God answered that prayer when I woke up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night with a dream that headlights from a car were shining in the room. Spirit revealed to me how I give my power away by looking to others to give me what I need to give to myself. Something shifted inside of me after the dream and I was able to feel peace and get back to sleep. So I am grateful for more opportunities to see what’s inside that needs to be changed; whether it be to detach with love, let go, forgive, or just to focus on the positive, instead of complaining.
I had a pleasant surprise when I returned to my condo for the first time since I left in September. Almost all of my furniture was out of my condo except a small table and lamp in my bedroom. When I put the lamp on, I noticed a ladybug sitting on the table! As I have shared in other blogs, ladybugs are one of my signs of God’s unconditional
love for me. I then looked on the floor and spotted another one. It looked like a mother and baby. I was delighted to received this wonderful gift of love. Then, a couple of days later at Christmas, I received a beautiful bracelet from my son and future daughter-in-law that had a ladybug on it. It came with a wonderful description about the meaning of the ladybug.
“Legend has it that the ladybug was named for the Virgin Mary who assisted farmers once they prayed to her. Keeping fields safe from harm, the ladybug evokes the energy of harmony. A ladybug’s life is short. It teaches us to release worries and to enjoy experiences to the fullest. A messenger of promise, when the ladybug appears in our lives it is telling us to “Let go and let God.”
Not only do I think this message of “letting go” confirms my lessons for 2012, but it will be the theme for 2013.
This is what I read today in “Effortless Prosperity” by Bijan
“As we were growing up, we were taught the importance of being in control; the more control that we had, the happier we would be. The truth is that the more we surrender control to Spirit (taking it away from ego), the more we will be guided in the right direction. It is like jumping into the river while wearing a life jacket. As we float downstream near the rocks, we can try to push ourselves away, but we will usually
crash into them. However, if we just let go and let the water carry us through, it will naturally take us around the rocks. If we just give up control, with little intention of going anywhere other than where the current leads us, we will be carried where we are supposed to go and where it will be best for us.”
More and more I find that I am able to surrender my plans to God and allow myself to be carried where I am supposed to be, in the way that is best for me (even though it may be painful.) I surrendered the sale of my home in Rhode Island to God and I am happy to report that I found a wonderful new tenant. I signed my lease to rent my condo (yea) on January 2 and leaving for Maui on January 3rd. Yes, God came through at the 11th hour and at the perfect and right time!
My prayer and wish for you for this coming year is that you know that you are ONE with God and that you experience God’s love and peace in all that you do.
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