Last week I shared about some of the ways I love myself. This week I would like to share about the ways I’ve felt loved, provided for and protected by the Divine.
I left my house early Saturday morning to facilitate the retreat/Play’dom, “Fall in Love with Your Inner Goddess.” I planned on meeting, Kati, the co-facilitator at 8:45 a.m. to set up the space and get it ready for the women attending. I had ten minutes to spare when I noticed the big “garage sale” sign on the corner of the street. If you have read my book, you know that I am the “Yard Sale Queen” and just couldn’t resist a yard sale. I jumped out of my car to look around the yard sale. I found nothing interesting and walked back to my car. But, to my dismay, my car was dead as a door nail and wouldn’t start. I needed a jump start– perhaps I should not have jumped out of my car!
I looked around and noticed a man walking his dog across the street. I walked over to him and said, “Hi, my name is Pat and I need some help.” I explained that my car was dead and I needed a ride to a house just a few blocks away. He said, “Sorry, but my wife has the car.” I am not in the habit of asking men that I don’t know for a ride, but I was desperate. I thanked him and walked back to my car. A lady was outside on her lawn and I said to her, “I need help.” She was so gracious and offered to drive me to my destination. But, I looked up and spotted Sally, a friend from my dancing group walking out of the yard sale. I thanked the lady and asked Sally to drive me to the house. I left my car there and off we went. I totally forgot about my car and concentrated on the women at the retreat.
Thank you God for bringing Sally at the perfect and right time to help me when I needed it. Thank you God that I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere and had a safe place to leave my car for the day.
The retreat was a success and the women all loved it. We laughed, prayed, danced, sang and healed together. At the end of the day, Kati drove me back to my car to see if it would start. No, it was still dead. I called AAA and they said they would send a truck out in 40 minutes. When the mechanic arrived and jumped my car with his cables, he said, “I’ve never seen this before, the problem may be the starter or the alternator. Lady, you better drive this car right home and bring it to your mechanic as soon as you can.” I knew if I drove my car home, which was 30 minutes away, I would have to call AAA in the morning to have it towed to my mechanic. My mechanic lived a few minutes away from where I was.
At this point, I could hardly think straight and didn’t know what to do. Kati said, “Why don’t you just call your mechanic and tell him what is going on.” It is now 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night and Kati and I are hungry and exhausted. What is the likelihood of my mechanic answering the phone and being there?
To my surprise and delight, Andy answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi Andy, this is Pat, remember me, the lady that bought the 1997 Camaro.” I explained to him what was going on and I was just a few minutes away. He said, “Bring your car right over and I will look at it
Andy’s garage is attached to his home and when we arrived he was working on another car in the garage. He popped the hood of my car and said, “It just needs a new battery and I have one here that is almost brand new. Would you like me to put it in for you? I can have it done in 10 minutes.” Of course, I said, “YES.” I was never so happy to write him a check for $100 and have a new battery put in my car.
I drove away thanking God all the way home for taking care of me in such a magnificent way. It just all worked out perfectly from Sally picking me up and driving me to the house, to Andy being home at 7:00p.m. and having a battery there to put in my car. I love how the Universe works when I trust and surrender.
I shared in last week’s blog about meeting the angel, Heidi, on the beach and that her message was, “Be Yourself and Let Go.” On the morning of the retreat, Kati took her walk, and ran into Heidi walking on the beach. They stopped and talked for a few minutes. Heidi said, “I have some new books in the trunk of my car that I want to get out into the world. Do you know of any women who would like them?” Of course, Kati said, “Yes, I am leading a retreat later today and there will be 10 women there who would love them.” I was amazed when Kati told me the story and how “Heidi” showed up again at the perfect and right time. The name of the book is “Awaken Your Royalty – A playful blending of Body, Mind and Spirit –by Heidi Hohani.
I finished this part of the blog 5 days ago and KNEW there would be another “story” of God’s love to share, but I had to wait. God is faithful because the “story” was born tonight.
My friend, Kati, and I were having dinner together and catching up on the week’s happenings. As women do, we went from one subject to another. I shared with her about writing my blog and was waiting for another “story” of God’s love to unfold. We both agreed it would happen.
My birthday is October second and Kati said, “What do you want to do for your birthday?” I said, “I have never been to Hana and would love to take a trip there. Everybody talks about the “Road to Hana” with the beautiful waterfalls, windy roads and pools. It is definitely a must while in Maui. Kati agreed to check around to see if we could find a place to stay for a night.
As we were chatting, a young woman walked by selling colorful leis. She stopped to greet us and told us her name was “Faith.” We talked for a few minutes and then she walked to the table behind us to greet the two women sitting there. Kati said, “I just heard the woman sitting at that table say she lived in Hana.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “Hmmmm.”
The next thing I knew I was up and walking over to the table to introduce myself to the women. “Hi, I’m Pat and I overheard you say you lived in Hana. I live in Maui Meadows and want to visit Hana for my birthday next week. Do you know of a place we could stay?” After thinking for a minute, I was shocked when she said, “Do you want to swap houses? I am staying with my friend here tonight, but I love to come down this way when I can.” That is how this “Divine Connection” began. We decided to talk over coffee after dinner.
I went back to our table with a big smile on my face and said, “Kati, you are not going to believe what just happened. We have a place to stay in Hana – and it overlooks the ocean.” We call it Maui Magic or “Ask and you shall receive.” We needed a place to stay while in Hana and God answered the prayer. We will be “swapping houses” for 2 nights.
My new friend, Carol, shared with me that she wants to move to this area and this is perfect to stay in my ohana for 2 nights. My friend, Linda, from Massachusetts is coming to visit me in November and Carol and I will be “swapping” homes again so I can take Linda to Hana.
I invited Carol and Sherri to see my home after we spent time getting to know one another at the restaurant. They are both women of faith and were thrilled when I gave them my book. I just never know when God is going to “show up” in my life. I do know that God is faithful. I have a feeling this is going to be a very special birthday. And it has only just begun!
I received an email from Sherri yesterday that read: “Aloha. It was “Divine Intervention” at work last night. I have been reading your book all day and thanking God for making our paths cross. I love your book and I can relate to so many things. Mahalo for taking the time to write it and gifting me a copy…..I’m so thankful to have met an AWESOME lady like you.
As I ponder God’s action and love in my life this week, I am reminded to ask for what I need, have faith, trust God in all things, and to know that I will be provided for at the right and perfect time.
I opened to this passage in prayer this morning from Alan Cohen’s book, “Wisdom of the Heart.” It really spoke to me and I have been thinking about how I have learned to love myself and give myself what I need. I loved the part that said, IT IS MY OWN LOVE THAT I WANT. How many of us have spent years looking outside of ourselves for love?
“Your relationships are your mirrors: The love you receive – or don’t receive – from others is a reflection of how much you love yourself. When you truly love yourself, you can never be abused. But when you don’t love yourself, nobody on the planet will be able to save you.
If you feel sad or frustrated that you are not getting the love, appreciation, and acknowledgement that you crave from someone else, GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. IT’S YOUR OWN LOVE YOU WANT, so why confuse yourself by seeking it from another? When you honor and nurture yourself, your happiness will proceed from within you, and you won’t have to depend on another for it. As you give yourself more love, your relationships will change to reflect your self-honoring. Another person isn’t a source of your love – YOU ARE. True love is an inside job.” Wisdom of the Heart, Alan Cohen
How do you give yourself love? Do you look to another hoping they will fill the emptiness and hole inside of you? Do you try to please others, often at the expense of yourself, so they will eventually love you more? Do you have a hard time saying no because you think you will be rejected, not liked, abandoned or someone will be angry with you? I know what it is like because I did it all.
There are many ways that I have learned to love myself and I would like to share a few of the ways I loved myself this past week.
I will start with feelings – I have learned to invite all of my feelings in, to embrace and accept them, to honor and not judge them. Most of all, I have learned to trust my feelings and give myself the time to process my feelings and allow them to move through me. When I first started my spiritual journey several decades ago, I didn’t know what my feelings were, never mind, trust them. I would often ask others, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?” I looked outside for permission to feel my feelings. No more.
For example, this week a friend of mine sent me an email and wanted to introduce me to a new healing modality that he had been gifted with. I said yes without giving it much thought. But, then I started to feel uncomfortable and I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to disappoint him and back out, but I have learned to trust and honor my feelings and I wasn’t willing to discount my feelings, even though I didn’t have clarity about why I felt uncomfortable. In the past, I would have said yes to please him and not disappoint him. In other words, I would have been more interested in his feelings than my own. After all, I would be helping him practice this new healing modality that he had been gifted with and he was offering this to me as a gift. When we spoke on the phone, I was honest with him and told him that I felt uncomfortable and had chosen not to do it. I explained that it had nothing to do with him.
I accept gifts graciously – when it feels right and comfortable. For example, I was sitting at the pool reading when a woman passed by and said, “I see your bag, are you from Rhode Island?” I said, “Yes, I am, are you from Rhode Island?” She said, “No, but I went to college in Boston.” That is how our conversation began and we talked for quite a while. When the waitress walked by and announced, “Happy Hour” she ordered a Mau Tai and said, “I would like to buy a drink for Pat too.” I said, “Thank you, I would love a Mai Tai with you.” I told her when the drinks came that she would be on my “gratitude list” the next day. That opened a whole conversation about the importance of gratitude and focusing on what we do have, rather than what is missing. We just never know when or where we can share universal truths that may help someone.
Another way I have learned to love myself is by speaking up and asking for what I want, even though I might feel nervous. For example, my landlord, who lives in Canada 6 months out of the year, returned unexpectedly yesterday and informed me that there was going to be some construction going on the property this week. He said, “I don’t think it will be much of a problem for you.” Well, it was a big problem. I had to cancel a coaching client because the construction was right outside my window and very loud. I needed to speak to the owner and tell him I would have to leave for the week. After I ate my dark chocolate (to give me courage) and gave myself a little “pep talk” that I am a big girl now, I walked outside and said, “Doug, I cannot stay here this week with this construction going on and we need to come up with another plan.” He apologized for the inconvenience and asked me to come up with a suitable plan, which I did.
I had just spoken to my friend, Kati, on the phone and explained that I had to leave for a few days. She invited me to stay in her ohana because she just “happened” to be going out of town. She has a lovely home in walking distance to the ocean. I took her up on her offer, and off I went.
I believe I attract EVERYTHING into my life for my highest good. My brilliant and magnificent soul knows what it needs to attract and when it needs to attract it. I can choose to see what comes into my life as a challenge or a blessing and opportunity to learn, grow and heal. I chose to see this situation as an opportunity and gift rather than a problem to complain about.
While I was at Kati’s home, I was taking my “prayer walk” on the beach the first morning I arrived. I felt so blessed and was “high” on gratitude. I noticed this woman about my age approaching me with a hat on and thought, “Another hat lady on the beach.” As she got closer, it looked like she recognized me and wanted to stop and talk. I didn’t recognize her so I took off my sunglasses to see her better. She came right up to me and enthusiastically said, “I have to share something with you.” I got excited and thought, “She has a message from God for me.” I so enjoy when God gives me a message for someone and I love to receive them for myself.
She then opened her hand to show me a beautiful multi- colored blue shell and said, “I am so excited because I just found this at my feet and it is a confirmation for me.” Being the curious and interested woman that I am, I said, “A confirmation about what?” She said, “It is a confirmation TO BE MYSELF AND TO LET GO because I was just standing here looking in the ocean and dancing and thinking about this. I said, “You mean to not worry about what others think” and she said, “Yes, exactly.” Her name was Heidi and we chatted for a little while longer and she told me she lived in Hawaii for 26 years and raised 4 children here.
She could tell “I was getting what she said” and then took my hand and put it on the shell. She looked me in the eyes and gently said, “This is a message for you too.” I thanked her for sharing her gift with me, as we parted. I asked myself, “Is it that easy TO BE MYSELF AND TO LET GO?” It has certainly been my life long journey to know and be myself and to love myself. Was she an angel giving me a simple, but profound message? I think so.
As I continued my walk on the beach, I asked Spirit for a “confirmation” and started looking for a shell like the one she had found. I heard Spirit gently say to me, “You don’t have to look for your good, it will come to you and you will know when it comes.” Yes, that is the truth and I will stop looking and just be open to whatever good you bring into my life. I will continue to “Show up” for life and be grateful for all of my blessings.
Thank you Spirit for taking care of me this week; for Kati opening her home for me to stay, for loving myself and speaking up for what I needed, for meeting my “Angel Heidi” on the beach and receiving the message, TO BE MYSELF AND LET GO. Thank you that my landlord will be taking off $250 from my rent this month and I had the opportunity to PLAY at the ocean. Could it get any better than this?
When an artist sits down to paint, she doesn’t know what will come out on the paper. She may have some ideas, but she doesn’t know what the finished product will look like. When I sit down to write, I also don’t know what the finished product will look like. I am trusting that what I share with you today will inspire you to go deeper and give you the courage to love the parts of yourself that are hidden and perhaps, hated.
My “plan” was to write about my adventures of camping for the first time on Labor Day weekend. I may still do that, but God had other “plans” for me to write about, first. It would be easier to share the camping adventures, but I don’t think that is what I am meant to do.
I had forgotten that whenever I am preparing to lead a retreat, my “stuff” comes up. My friend, Kati, and I are leading a retreat called, “Fall in love with Your Inner Goddess ” in 2 weeks. I called her in tears yesterday and said, “I am a mess and my shit is coming up.” I was half-hoping that she wouldn’t answer her phone and I could leave a message and ask her to pray for me. She lovingly said, “What’s going on and I know there will be gifts from this.” I said, “This sucks” as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. The intensity of my feelings surprised me as I blurted out, “I HATE THIS PART OF ME. I don’t want to love this part of me. I won’t love it because I am embarrassed and ashamed that I am still struggling with this.”
I babbled on about how I was struggling with comparing myself to others and looking outside for validation. I was angry at myself because I thought I had dealt with this “stuff” a long time ago. I asked myself, “Why is it coming up now and why do I still look outside for validation – for someone to tell me how great or gifted I am?” I know that looking outside of myself for validation is empty and nothing but an illusion. It is self-love that I need.
In fact, I had just said to someone a couple of days ago how I used to struggle with comparing myself with others and that if I become aware that I am feeling “less than” and comparing myself, I sing out loud, to myself “STOP IN THE NAME OF GOD.” It always works.
Somehow my “Higher Self” knew that singing this time wasn’t going to work and that I needed to really allow myself the time and space to explore and go deeper. I am all for changing my thoughts to feel better, but sometimes what is needed is to sit with my feelings and allow them to move through me. I spent time alone in prayer and meditation and loved myself the best way I knew how. I hugged myself, took naps and did breathing exercises to help release emotions that were hidden.
The first step in loving me was to be honest and vulnerable enough to call Kati and ask for help. It’s easy to share with someone, after the struggle is over, how I got through it. It is harder when I am IN MY STUFF and feel out of control and afraid. I didn’t know until that moment that I HATED this part of me. I knew I wasn’t pleased with myself when I compared myself to another, but I didn’t know there was HATRED there.
I am reading a book called, “The Power if Receiving” by Amanda Owen. In her book she talks about the importance of loving the light and the dark parts of ourselves so we can be whole and integrated. She has an exercise called the “Monster Party.” We have a party in our imagination and invite all of our friends to attend. We then invite our “inner monsters” one by one to come out into the light to be transformed and healed. I had a “Monster Party” and invited comparing and looking outside for validation to come out of hiding. It was time to love that part of me that was hidden and in the dark. She didn’t trust me at first and felt a lot of shame. It was very powerful to see the transformation as she reluctantly came out of the dark dungeon within me. I said to her, “Let me lead you and hold your hand. I want you to meet my friends and family. You have been hiding too long and I want you to feel my love and the light of God.” As she came out and stood up straight, I saw the beauty in her eyes and she was happy that she was now free.
As I shared in the beginning, Kati said, “There will be gifts for you through this experience” and she was right. I believe that the deep shame that was hidden in my subconscious mind was brought into the light and healed. When I hate a part of myself and it stays hidden in the recesses of my mind, I am not free to move forward and be the woman I want to be. I need to have love and compassion on myself for the wounded parts of me that still need healing. This will be a lifelong process.
The tears and my desire to love all of me allowed this to come up and be transformed by the light of Spirit. I will no longer need to compare myself because I can now see my beauty and my gifts. I will celebrate others gifts because I can now celebrate my own.
I asked God for a dream to comfort me when I went to bed last night. It had been quite a while since I remembered a dream and I really needed one after all that I experienced during the day. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. to write down the dream.
The dream was very powerful as I was climbing a mountain and reached the top. In my dreams, this means that I am moving closer to God, spiritual attainment and overcoming obstacles. My grandmother, who loved me unconditionally, and ironically today was her birthday came to me in my dream. It had been years since I had a dream about her. I also realized that today is my anniversary of moving to Maui. My grandmother helped me move into my new home that had just been built. Moving to a new home in dreams is significant because it means I am moving out of the old and moving into a new state of consciousness. The symbolism in the dream could not have been any more perfect.
By allowing the process of going deeper into my soul and the subconscious, I was able to bring to the light what I hated in myself and had not been able to accept. It was like it was buried alive. God lifted me up and I experienced God’s love and light in a new way. It feels like the deeper I go, the higher I go with God. The dream about climbing the mountain was certainly a confirmation to this. I have read from the spiritual masters that the DEEPER we go with God, the more we will see our darkness that needs to be healed, transformed and brought into the light. I am grateful that I am on the right path and going DEEPER with God. Rather than feeling like we are going backwards, the truth is that we are moving forward so that our light will shine even more brightly.
Is there something that you don’t love about yourself or haven’t accepted? I invite you to go deeper into your soul and allow Spirit to bring those parts of yourself into the light so you can be transformed. Have a Monster Party and let it all hang out!
“I am faith-filled and fear-free because I know what to do without doing anything at all. You don’t have to do anything to get your good in life. You must, however, be open to receive it. For some of us, receiving is much more difficult than doing (giving) because we think we know what is required to earn our good. Earning puts you in control. Your doing is motivated by the belief that the more you do, the more you will get. Receiving means trusting that God is aware of what you need, desire and deserve.
Deserving is a function of Being: Being open, Being clear, Being grateful, Being focused, Being committed, Being Faithful, and Being willing to receive. Being is a state of consciousness developed through unwavering faith and trust. You trust that you will always have what you need, and that is the foundation of your faith.” Iyanla Vanzant
I said to the cashier at Longs Drug store, as I was paying for my purchases, “You have a beautiful smile.” She smiled and said, “Thank you.” It just popped out of my mouth and I said, “It takes one to know one.” She replied, “You took the words right out of my mouth.” And we both giggled as I walked out of the store. Learning to give and receive compliments is an important part of our spiritual growth. I enjoy receiving and giving compliments and often give compliments to strangers.
Last night, I was fortunate enough to be in the presence of spiritual teacher, Ram Dass at the Makawa Union Church. What a beautiful humble soul who practices living in the present moment and loves everything. He said, “I even love my negative thoughts.” When asked what he meant by that and how to do it, he said, “I just LOVE them to death.” He also talked about the importance of receiving.
After the talk, dinner was served. There were two women sitting at the table with us and one of the women was stunning with beautiful long red hair and blue eyes. I decided to tell the woman that she looked stunning and as we said goodbye, I quietly whispered in her ear, “You are stunning.” Her face lit us and, of course, she said, “Thank you, and it takes one to know one.”
WOW, yes it takes one to know one. What we see in others, the positive and the negative, or the light and the dark are all a part of us. I love it when I see the beauty and gifts in someone else because they are also in me. I am not as thrilled when I see something I don’t like in another because I know that is also in me and it is called my “shadow.” At first I may think, “No way, that is not in me.” But, in the long run, I am grateful because I want to know, embrace and love all of me, the light and the dark. People in our lives are mirrors and unless we accept and love all parts of ourselves, we will not be whole and spiritually healthy.
Many people have a hard time receiving compliments and often don’t believe the person giving it to them. It may be a sign of low self- esteem and an inability to receive. They may feel embarrassed or not worthy to receive the compliment. They may think to themselves, “If they only knew the real me, they wouldn’t think that” or something like that. It’s hard to just say, “Thank you.” I challenge you to notice how you feel when someone gives you a compliment and to practice taking it in and just saying “Thank you.” I invite you to receive all compliments, gifts, smiles – anything that is given to you. I invite you to accept them all gratefully and graciously. Once you receive the “little” things, you will easily be able to receive the big things.
I have had some powerful lessons this week I would like to share with you. As I have shared in my past blogs, I knew how to DO things by pushing and making things happen. I liked being in control, even though I really had no control at all and it was only an illusion. For the last year and a half since living in Maui, I have learned (after some resistance) to “BE” which means to live in the present moment, to be comfortable with the mystery of not knowing what is next, to receive, to trust the process as it unfolds and to allow and trust God to bring things to me.
Today, God is inviting me to practice something new and that is to DO and BE at the same time. I will make mistakes, perhaps go back to the “old way” of doing things, but it will not feel good and I will quickly realign with source energy.
That is exactly what happened to me this week. I slid back to the “old ways” of DOING. I spent hours on the computer, felt stressed and didn’t take the time to go to the ocean or swim in the pool-things that are nurturing to my soul and keep my vibration high. I prayed as I couldn’t get back to sleep in the middle of the night because my mind was like a blender, “Lord, I don’t know how to do this, I need your help.”
My prayer was answered. My friend, Kati, gave me an angel reading over the weekend. The messages from the angels were very powerful and empowering in regards to my future. As Kati and I discussed the meaning of the cards I chose, it became clear to me that I was operating from the old paradigm and belief system. The angels said that I needed to simplify my life and that I was spread too thin. At first, I felt discouraged and felt some self-condemnation that I was back there again-DOING TOO MUCH. I hadn’t realized it until then that I had 7 “projects” on my plate that I was involved in. They were all good and I loved doing all of them.
In the past, when I was doing TOO MUCH and had a lot on my plate, it was coming from a place of fear and under the fear was inadequacy. When I am all over the place and I can’t focus on one thing and what is important, my energy is diluted and I feel exhausted and stressed with all I have to do. I had to ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” Even though I have already written a book and knew the process, I think I felt some inadequacy because I wasn’t sure HOW I was going to move forward. I reminded myself, “You just have to do the next right thing and the HOW is not up to you, but to God.”
The message that I needed to hear was that I am to focus on what my heart’s desire is and the vision for my life. I was being invited to ask myself, “Which project aligns me with my vision and heart’s desire?” I was being invited to FOCUS, FOCUS and make choices that would be for my highest good and for the good of all involved. I was being invited to go within and ask my higher self what I really wanted.
My deepest desire is to BE the star that shines brightly to lead others to the God within. I asked myself, “What do I need to put aside for a while so I can FOCUS on the vision for my life and heart’s desire?” At this time, I know God is calling me to FOCUS on finishing my new book because this will be the vehicle to share my faith and how trusting in God and following my heart has led me to paradise and living the life of my dreams. I have made a commitment to myself and God to work on my book daily. I was also inspired to ask Spirit before each activity I embark on, “Is this for my highest good?” I heard the small still voice of God say, “I like when you do that.”
Being a Libra, I need balance. I want to balance DOING with BEING. I want to live my life in peace, ease and grace. My intention is to be peaceful, to love and to serve.
“Balance is the key to my serenity. I attain balance by listening to my inner wisdom and to the wisdom of others. There is no situation in which I cannot find a point of balance. There is no circumstance in which I cannot find inner harmony. As I ask to be led into equilibrium and clarity, I will find that my answers come to me. I am wiser than I know, more capable of right action and attitudes than I yet believe. In every event, I see the balance point of God’s action through me.” Julia Cameron – Heart Steps
I am back on track, I know what I need to do and I am doing it! I am simplifying, focusing and making choices that align with my heart’s desire and vision for my life. We all have choices that we must make in our lives. God’s desire for us is to be happy and free. It is our job to free ourselves of the past and all that holds us back from receiving God’s good in our lives. You are deserving and so am I.
“Life isn’t about pedaling faster to keep up; it’s about soaring beyond the limitations you’ve been taught to have. Passion is the voice of God calling you to awaken to your true purpose. If you celebrate your heart’s desires, you’ll deliver life to everyone you touch” Alan Cohen
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