I choose not to obsess about wrongdoing done to me
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As I sat down to the blank piece of paper in front of me, I didn’t know what I was going to write about. I prayed and asked God, “Please guide me and help me share what I need to share.”
Last night while sitting on the lanai, with Larry, I turned to him and said, “You are amazing.” He is the most loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate man I know. It is clear to me how much he cares and goes out of his way to love and help others. I think this is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
He turned to me, looked deeply into my eyes and said, “It takes one to know one.” Of course, I’ve heard this before many times, but for some reason, it went straight to my heart and kind of shook me up. Could I really accept that the qualities I see so clearly in him were also in me? Was that why he fell in love with me?
Could I be that loving, kind, caring, gentle, patient and compassionate? It is one thing to think maybe I had these qualities in my head, but to accept them with my heart and embrace and CLAIM them as my own was something very different. I felt excited because I was allowing this truth to penetrate my being and soul. I asked myself, “If I continue to love Larry and see his good qualities, would I continue to love myself and see my good qualities?” That felt really good and I knew that I had received a gift that I wanted to cherish and deepen. If I believed this about myself, my actions and reactions would naturally demonstrate that.
I have heard that what I see in others is also in me, both the light and dark side of ourselves. We truly are mirrors for one another. For most of us, it is easier to see the dark side and the things we don’t like about ourselves than it is to see the light and our magnificence.
I had just finished writing this part of the blog when God didn’t waste any time and gave me the opportunity to see and embrace the dark side of me. This is the human or unhealed part of me that wants to judge, be right, gossip and defend myself.
This didn’t feel quite as good as seeing me as loving, kind and compassionate. But I knew it was a gift and invitation to love all parts of me and ask God to heal me.
The details of what happened don’t matter, what matters is how I moved through it and the tools I used to free myself. First of all, I needed to allow myself to feel my anger at what I “perceived” as wrong doing to me. For much of my life, being a people pleaser, I was out of touch with my anger and just pushed it down, ate over it, or stayed busy over it.
I allowed myself to feel my anger and write about everything I was angry about. I didn’t hold back because I knew it was necessary for my process and transformation. When it felt complete that I had released all of the anger inside of me, I then gave it to God and used a powerful forgiveness tool that I’ve used for years.
I prayed and affirmed, “I have attracted this into my life for my highest good. She is not wrong and I am not right.” There is always some resistance at first when I say this because I want to make someone else wrong that I believe has hurt, disrespected or wronged me. I may have to do it several times until it becomes a part of me and I believe it. I know that whenever I make someone else wrong, (and me right,) I am a victim. I don’t want to live my life as a victim with unforgiveness and resentment in my heart. So it is a choice that I make to free myself and it has never failed me.
I then prayed, “I release judgment and send light and love whenever the thought came up about what was said or done to me.” This is a powerful affirmation and works instantly. I cannot give myself the luxury of ruminating or obsessing about this because it hurts me and keeps me in bondage. It says in scripture. “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”
It is amazing how “free” I felt after I did this spiritual work and cleansing. The truth is that, “What other people think about me is none of my business.” My business is to love; to love God first, and myself and others to the best of my ability.
I want my light to shine and to live my life being a loving, kind and compassionate person. I want to accept, love and embrace the light and dark parts of me because if I love myself this way, I am able to love others in the same way.
All hell broke loose & I was in the depth of fear
“Every positive change, every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness invites a rite of passage. Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.” Dan Millman
What a week of ups and downs, letting go and trusting God for my highest good and that of my loved ones. I wrote last week that my soul mate had arrived and how wonderful it was to have this man in my life. I was flying high and didn’t expect to plunge into the depth of fear that I did because the honeymoon appeared to be over.
Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation.
Larry has had a medical problem for the last 2 years that the doctors have been unable to diagnose. It comes and goes and has responded some to different treatments. This past week, all hell broke loose and his symptoms were severe and worse than ever before. It was very scary watching him suffer and not knowing what to do or what it was from.
I was desperate and called my friend, Carole, in RI and asked her to put Larry on the prayer line. When she called the next person on the prayer line and described Larry’s symptoms, the person was familiar with the symptoms and told Carole what she thought it might be. Carole gave me the information and we googled it. Sure enough, it was almost exactly Larry’s symptoms that the doctors hadn’t been able to diagnose for 2 years. Talk about a prayer being answered immediately. Thank you God.
Larry is now in the process of many positive changes and we are trusting God for healing. People have “showed up” in his life to help him with his diet, essential oils and herbs. Another friend, Mary, who is a healer, did a long distance energy healing with him on the phone. It has been just one week since his symptoms were so severe. I am happy to report that he is 75% better.
We each have our journey of faith to walk, hand- picked by God to help us grow stronger and more dependent on God. I am not exempt from this, for sure. I asked myself, “How does my faith grow and deepen?” I suspect for many of us, it is the trials, challenges that we face each day that deepens our faith.
It is my belief that I attract EVERYTHING into my life for my highest good and that even before I came into this world, God and I made an agreement what I would experience for my soul to grow. This gives me comfort and a willingness to trust God that all is well.
Not only has Larry experienced healing and transformation, but I have too. I have always been strong and been the one that others come to for help. I didn’t feel strong and asked for help. I allowed my friends to be there for me while I was in the depth of my fear. This is not an easy thing to do, allowing myself to be so vulnerable and real. I called my friend, Joseph, in tears because I was so scared. He listened and loved me just as I was. My friend, Sandy, came over my house and when I opened the door, I almost fell into her arms with tears. She hugged me and then sat and held my hand as I allowed myself to feel my feelings. I wanted to be STRONG for Larry and didn’t want to share my fears with him, but I couldn’t help myself when I saw him and fell into his arms and cried.
I knew my fear was coming from a very deep place as I couldn’t stop crying. I had a flashback of my mother dying in front of me when I was 20 years old. I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless as I was unable to save her. I then realized that the fear I was feeling about Larry was fear that I was going to lose him when I just found him.
Now that this is behind me, I feel so blessed and grateful for this experience. I allowed myself to be loved in a very deep, sacred way and I allowed others to love me and SEE the real me. This is a gift to all of us.
On Sunday, I had a celebration and invited my friends to a house blessing at my new home. It was a glorious night and I felt like a “Sparkling Queen” as each person shared their wishes and love for me and my new home. Larry bought me a beautiful lei to celebrate and my friends, Myia and Garrett, made me a lei from their Plumeria tree. I felt so loved and cherished and I thank all my friends for making it so special.
I look forward to a peaceful, exciting, and adventurous week with God. I am grateful this “RIGHT OF PASSAGE” is over.
I attracted my soul mate into my life
“For I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29-11. For years, this has been my favorite scripture and I have trusted and believed it would come true.
Have you ever waited and prayed for something that seemed like it took years for it to happen? You may even still be waiting. You watched your friend’s prayers being answered while you waited patiently (and sometimes impatiently) for yours to come true. You prayed and prayed, surrendered it to God, did a vision board and still nothing happened? But you didn’t GIVE UP on God’s promise and your dream because in your heart of hearts, you KNEW that someday it would happen. It is my belief that God puts the desires of our heart in our hearts to be fulfilled in God’s perfect timing. What is the desire of your heart?
Many of you already know my story because I have shared in past blogs the desires of my heart. The desire of my heart was to meet my soul mate. I knew deep within that was the reason I followed my heart to Maui. I thought it would happen quickly since I had already been waiting for over a decade.
Maui is an island that couples in love come to so it wasn’t easy watching couples walk hand in hand on the beach every day. I learned to bless them and send them love, trusting my day would come in the perfect and right time.
My day has come and I would like to shout it from the mountain tops. I am so grateful that I waited and trusted in God’s perfect plan and timing. Here is my story:
I met Larry 2 ½ years ago at a dance when I first moved to Maui. It was the first dance that I attended and didn’t know a soul. I liked how Larry looked and danced so I asked him to dance. Being a gal from the east coast, I knew I had to ask the guys to dance if I wanted to dance. I found out that he was from Connecticut so there was some connection, but that was it. When I moved here permanently in Sept. 2012, we started to take walks together and share spiritual truths. Over the 2 years, we became best friends, talked on the phone daily and said, “I love you” to one another. We learned to trust and depend on one another’s love.
All of my friends and children kept asking me, “What is it with Larry?” because all I talked about was spending time with Larry. His friends asked him the same question. We would both just say, “We are just friends.” I didn’t feel any romantic feelings for him and that was fine for both of us because we didn’t want to risk losing the relationship we had.
When I moved a few months ago, Larry was there for me every step of the way supporting and loving me. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. I truly don’t know how it happened, other than the anointing of the Holy Spirit, but I noticed some “stirrings” for Larry deep within my soul and I suspected something had shifted in regards to my relationship with Larry.
I was shocked and beside myself, for sure. I didn’t want to tell him because I had made it very clear to him that I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship and I was scared how this would affect our current friendship.
As I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth one morning, I heard God say, “You need to tell him your feelings.” I argued, “I don’t want to tell him my feelings” God said, “You need to tell him your feelings.” I said, “Ok, I will tell him.” I knew God would win out eventually so I gave in and agreed to tell him. We went out to dinner that night and I just couldn’t get it out of my mouth so I didn’t tell him. As I walked to the bathroom, I looked up and noticed a BIG sign on the wall that said, “TRUTH.” I thought, “Yikes, my God is everywhere and I better pay attention.”
The next day, I called Larry and asked him to come over because I was feeling overwhelmed. Of course, he said, “Yes, I will come over.” As he sat across from me on the chair, he said, “So, what you are overwhelmed about?” Here was the moment of truth and I didn’t want to blow it. I took a big gulp and said, “I have a bomb to drop.” He looked at me and said, “Ok, what is it?” I blurted out, “I’m having feelings for you.”
The rest is history. My soul mate has been here for 2 ½ years RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME but neither one of us recognized it. The Holy Spirit opened my mind and heart at the perfect and right timing. Did we both need to do more “inner work” and let go of old beliefs in order for this to happen and for us to be READY for this sacred relationship? I don’t know. All I know is that we are a perfect match and he is all that I prayed for and more. He loves me like I’ve never been loved before and I love him like I’ve never loved before. It truly feels like a match made in heaven.
We love to play, talk, pray, laugh, dance and enjoy the present moment. We bring God into everything and want to be “vessels of love” in this world for the rest of our lives together. We believe God has a plan for us as a couple, but we don’t know what that is yet and that is ok with me. Larry is joining me in RI when I come back in August. I am excited for him to meet my children and for them to meet the man God has brought into my life to love me.
My heart intention for writing this is to inspire YOU to know that God has a plan for your life and that God answers prayers and can be trusted to grant YOU the desires of your heart. Don’t ever give up because Love is waiting for you.
MY LIFE UNFOLDS IN DIVINE ORDER – Daily Word
”In an effort to achieve my goals quickly, I may push and hurry. Perhaps I’m trying to harvest my crop of dreams and intentions before they’ve had the chance to mature. Just as seeds need nourishment and time, divine ideas yield positive results when they unfold in their natural time and order. I align with divine order by putting God first in my thoughts and actions. I affirm: I am immersed in the natural flow of life. Attuned to Spirit, I am open to guidance. I listen, observe, and receive nuances, nudges and intuition. I wait or act as guided, trusting that divine order is unfolding. I reap the awards when I align myself with God and have faith in divine timing. “
I followed my heart & attracted love
As I sat down to write my blog today, I opened my journal and read these words that spoke to my heart. I am not sure what spiritual book I read them from, so I cannot give credit.
“Love is synonymous with God. It is an unfailing and unchanging mine to draw upon. When I allow love to permeate my entire being, it becomes a powerful source driving out any doubt, sadness or fear. My heart fills with the mighty magnetic force of love and I am empowered to do only good and to share only love. My every thought, word and action expresses the love of God in me. Aglow with God’s love, my heart becomes a magnet attracting good from every direction.” Unknown
For years, my daily mantra and prayer has been to be peaceful, to love and to serve. It feels like a miracle when my dreams are manifested. Yes, it is a miracle but I also know my dreams have come true because of my faith, trust, willingness to receive, surrendering, confidence and creativity.
I had a dream to live on the ocean for as long as I can remember. I felt in my heart that it would happen, but I didn’t know HOW – that was up to God. I needed to do some “inner work” and to know that I deserved and was worthy of God’s love and good. I learned to say YES to God’s plan for my life and to wait for God’s perfect timing to unfold. That wasn’t always easy because I felt impatient at times, but kept surrendering to God’s will and love in my heart.
I am still in awe when I sit on my lanai and look out over the ocean because I am now living in a 2 million dollar home. I am humbled and filled with gratitude and joy. This is not to brag by any means, but to inspire you to be open and to receive God’s good in your life.
Many of you have been following me for years and have witnessed my struggles, fears and transformation. I have not held back because I chose to be authentic and show you how I did it so you can do it. I have been stepping out in faith for years BEFORE I had all of the answers or the money or the know how to do something. When you do this, you ALLOW God to take the reigns and provide you with everything you need.
I have a chapter in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” about how the money came when I was looking for an editor for my book.
“With the manuscript complete, I needed to find an editor. Prices ranged from sixty dollars an hour to one hundred and twenty five dollars an hour. I had no idea how long it would take to edit my book and how much it would cost. I sensed it would take a while since I had no formal training in writing. I prayed and asked God to lead me to the right editor.
My son, Tim, said to me ,“Mom, you have to change your yard sale mentality when it comes to looking for an editor.” “You’re right Tim, I always want a bargain, but I’m not willing to do that with my book. I want the best editor I can find and I don’t care how much it costs.”
After checking out a few different editors, I called the Book Coach, Lisa Tener. I knew in my heart that I wanted her to edit my book. She also happened to be the most expensive, but she was the best.
Okay God, where’s the money going to come from? This could be very expensive by the time she’s through editing.
I asked for a dream that night. In my dream I was walking up a ladder into the sky. In my spirit, I knew God was saying – The sky’s the limit. I called Lisa the next day and hired her, trusting the money would come. A half hour later, I checked on line for the balance in my checking account. I received my paycheck the day before, but hadn’t looked at it since it goes directly into the bank.
What’s this extra money God? Where did it come from?
When I reached work, I asked about my last paycheck and discovered that I’d received a performance award. In the past, we’d always been informed of our awards at the awards ceremony. When the editing was complete, it turned out that the extra money covered the bill and it was exactly what I needed. My God is full of surprises and loves to shower His blessings on me when I trust Him and step out in faith.”
Moving to Maui was certainly stepping out in faith because I didn’t know what was going to happen or how it would happen. I showed up every day, TRUSTED my inner voice, God, and followed my heart.
When I meet new people in Maui, they often ask me, “What brought you here?” I always respond with “My heart.” My heart knew what I needed. Today, my heart sings and I am full of joy and gratitude that I had the grace to follow my heart. I have manifested love and the desires of my heart. Aglow with God’s love, my heart becomes a magnet attracting good from every direction.
Are you following your heart? Do you know how to follow your heart? Do you know what makes your heart sing? I would be happy to help you manifest the desires of your heart as I have. You deserve to be happy.
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