I shudder to think where I would be if I hadn’t faced my fears
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I had just finished my walk and swim at the Fairmont Hotel when I decided to stand at the edge of the ocean and look out over the horizon. It was low tide and the ocean was calm with small waves. As I stood there looking out I noticed a young adult male who appeared to be physically/mentally challenged with goggles on walking into the ocean. As he walked deeper into the ocean, an older man, perhaps his brother reached out to him to grab his hand. At first the young adult refused help from his brother. It was like he wanted to do it by himself. Then, the brother became more insistent and they held hands and walked more deeply into the ocean together.
As the first wave began to break, the young adult looked fearful and started to turn back. With that, the brother grabbed him with both arms and they held each other tightly in a bear hug. I was so touched it brought tears to my eyes. When the wave passed, they gave each other a high five sign. I am sure that the young man felt excited that he didn’t turn back, but faced his fears. It looked like he did what he wanted to do and had enough. He walked out of the ocean by himself kind of jumping and kicking the water. I noticed his brother watched until he was safe on land and found his chair.
We are always being called into the ocean of Love, to go deeper with God. But we get afraid and think we have to do it by ourselves and then when the waves get big or the shit hits the fan, we turn around and go back to where we came from. We forget that it is God inviting us into the ocean and is within us and holding us. I am reminded that we are always being invited to something bigger and better in our lives. Love is always giving, that is all Love can do.
Where have you turned back in your life because of fear? For 1 year I put my “book to bed” which was almost completed because of fear. My denial was so strong that I really didn’t know it was fear until I was ready to face it and do something about it. I also dropped out of college in my junior year for one year due to fear because I didn’t think I could write a 20 page paper. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree, then went on for a Master’s degree and had to write a paper every month for 17 months. It is hard to describe the feeling of exhilaration when I walked across the stage for my diploma, truly a highlight in my life that I will never forget.
I am not beating up on myself because I believe everything is in perfect and right order. I shudder to think where my life would be if I hadn’t faced my fears and had my book published. My book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” has opened many doors for me, including living in Maui on the ocean and finding my soul mate. As I am writing this, the radio is playing “My faith with lead me on.” I encourage you to let your faith lead you on.
Where is God calling you to come deeper into the ocean? Only you know the desires of your heart and what keeps you stuck and going back. Over the years, I have counseled many women who were in unhealthy/abusive marriages (including myself) and they felt trapped and fearful. What a joy to see them takes steps to free themselves and now have healthy loving relationships. It takes courage and strength to leave something or someone that is familiar or comfortable, but just not working anymore for you. It may not be a marriage, but a job that is killing you and you hate it. Your gifts are not being used and you know there is something more for you to do. God may be calling you to take a risk and do something different. It may be something you have always wanted to do, but felt afraid and didn’t think you could do it. Remember, with God, all things are possible.
Like the young adult, we often don’t want to accept help and think we can do it by ourselves. Is that our pride and ego? Do we not want to appear weak in the eyes of others so we act like we know what we are doing? It’s important to know when we need help and when we need to do things by ourselves so we know we can do it and that we are strong.
Rather than it being a weakness, I truly think it is a sign of strength when we know we need help and can ask for it. The young adult in the ocean finally accepted his brothers help by holding his hand and they were able to ride the wave together. There is always help available for us. God is always with us, ready to guide us and to keep us safe.
I have learned that it is important for me to spend time alone to go within and to meditate so I know what I need to do next in my life and to hear the small, still voice of God within. It is impossible to hear God’s voice if we are busy running around in circles or taking care of everybody, but ourselves. All our answers are within, but it sometimes takes another person we trust to help us sort things out to know what is true and what are false beliefs about ourselves and life.
Fear is an illusion. It is also called False Evidence Appearing Real. Feel the fear and do it anyway. This is your life to lead and we are not promised tomorrow. All we have is today. Say YES to God, to the Universe, to yourself and watch the magic begin.
I would love to hear from you and how you have worked through some of your fears and are on the other side and living the life of your dreams. If you would like prayers because you are stuck in fear and want to move forward in your life, I would be happy to do that for you.
Celebrating Valentines day with my soul mate
Larry and I had just finished our dance and sat down to rest. I heard DJ Frank announce that the next song was for Pat. I knew the song, “You Are My Special Angel,” but didn’t recognize the significance for me at first. I knew I was the only Pat at the dance but had no idea why they would be playing it for me.
Then I saw Frank’s wife, Sandy, smile at me from across the room and say, “This is for you.” I grabbed Larry’s arm to get up and dance with me. After the dance, Sandy came over to me and said, “We just finished your book and this is the song in your book, right? I said with tears in my eyes, “Yes, it is.” It was a very special song because my grandmother used to sing it to me and called me her “Angel.” I cried my eyes out when I heard the song the day my father died while I was shopping for a dress for his funeral.
I thanked Frank for playing the song at the Valentines dance for me. What a surprise and gift of love I received. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up and I knew she loved me unconditionally. Larry loves me unconditionally and I hadn’t thought of that until this moment. He calls me his “Queen.”
When I returned home after the dance, I re-read a few chapters in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I read Chapter 5 “Messages from Heaven” How God Speaks through Songs.
“I dragged myself to the consignment shop to look for a dress to wear for dad’s funeral. I couldn’t concentrate and half-heartedly looked through the racks of clothing trying to find a dress. Honey began playing on the radio. I stood frozen in place for a few minutes, then put my face in my hands and sobbed. The owner of the shop walked over to me. I looked up when she asked, “Are you alright? What’s wrong?” “My father just died,” I blurted out through sobs and tears. I explained to her about the significance of the song Honey that had just played on the radio. Honey was my mother’s name and she died when I was 21 years old. She reached out to touch my shoulder, as I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
Five minutes later, the song “Daddy’s Little Girl” came on the radio. My dad often sang that song to me and it always brought tears to my eyes. Everyone cried when he held me in his arms on my wedding day and we danced to “Daddy’s Little Girl.” God answered my prayer – to feel my dad’s presence. Hearing the songs only a few hours after he passed away was truly amazing. I found a dress or shall I say the dress found me – I certainly wasn’t in my right mind. As I paid and prepared to leave, “You are My Special Angel” began to play on the radio. My grandmother called me “Angel.” Within a half hour, I heard three songs that touched my heart; from my mother, father and grandmother.”
I also read Chapter 15 “I Want All of You and I Will Be Enough” How to Prepare for your Soul Mate – The God Way. I was amazed to read the affirmation that I had written about my soul mate in the book at least 15 years ago and how accurate it was.
“I am creating and expecting a loving, kind, joyful, spiritual, honest, healthy relationship with my soul mate. He will be playful, fun and will love to laugh. He will be as crazy about me as I am about him. We will both be growing spiritually, on the same path, sharing, growing and loving. He will love to dance as I do and we will dance into the sunset together. There will be no blocks or fear. We will get along fabulously. We will love each other, love being together as well as being alone.”
God answers prayer because this is truly describing who Larry is and the relationship that we have created together. We love to play, laugh and have fun. And we love to dance and are always sharing about spiritual ideas.
Two years ago Larry called and asked me to go to dinner on Valentine’s Day. When I got off the phone, I panicked and called my girlfriend for advice. Larry and I were really good friends, but I didn’t have any romantic feelings for him. I was concerned that if I said yes to going out to dinner with him on Valentine’s Day he might get the wrong idea. I called him back and was honest with him. I said, “I would love to go out to dinner with you, but I am not interested in a romantic relationship.” He was very gracious and said, “That is fine, I know we are friends and I respect that.” I’m so grateful for Larry’s patience and that I trusted myself and what I was feeling.
Here we are two years later celebrating Valentine’s Day as partners and sharing our lives and love together. For whatever reasons, it wasn’t God’s timing for us to be partners two years earlier. What I know today is that I can trust God’s perfect timing and the Divine plan for my life.
God had given me the desire of my heart to meet my soul mate. I knew it would be fulfilled in His time and His way. I prayed this affirmation daily for many years. “My soul mate is lovingly and effortlessly coming into my life.” While I waited for my soul mate, I learned to love and trust myself. I treated myself like a queen and made myself happy. All I can say is that it was worth the wait and it has been fulfilled in His way and His time. LOVE IS ALL THERE IS.
We got “kicked out” of the Four Seasons Hotel
“Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems. If I cannot accept every person, place and thing as exactly as it is, I will not have peace.” paraphrased from AA Big Book. Acceptance is about letting go and trusting God.
I had the opportunity to practice accepting “what is” this week and saw powerful results. It could have easily turned out to be a negative event, but instead turned out to be glorious and better than I had ever expected.
For Christmas my friend Kati and I bought tickets for a ferry boat ride to the island of Lanai. Lanai is a small quaint island which is only 1 hour away from Maui by ferry. We both love the ocean and were excited as we anticipated watching the whales jumping out of the water as we crossed the ocean to Lanai. We planned our trip for after Christmas.
The day began at 7:30 a.m. with the sun shining brightly. We arrived on time to take the 9:15 a.m. ferry and our return ferry was scheduled for 4:30 p.m. We decided to count the miracles as they happened during the day. The ferry ride over to Lanai was fun as we chatted with interesting people and watched the whales jumping out of the water in front of us.
When we arrived in Lanai and walked to the Four Seasons hotel from the ferry, we were surprised to see construction going on at the hotel and it was quite noisy-not what we were expecting. “Our plan” was to take the free shuttle into Lanai City to have lunch, shop and walk around to see the sights and then come back and swim in the Four Seasons pool. When we asked the man at the desk, “When is the shuttle leaving?” He said, “There aren’t any shuttles until late this afternoon, but I would be happy to call you a taxi. “How much does the taxi cost?” I asked. He said, “It costs $10 per person each way.” Kati and I just looked at one another and said, “No way.” This was only a short ride to Lanai City and we didn’t want to pay that kind of money. Kati said, “Well, we can just stick around the lobby and see if we can catch a ride with someone going into Lanai City.” I answered, “Yes, that sounds like a great idea and I am up for an adventure.”
After ½ hour of waiting and praying for direction, we realized “our plan” wasn’t working and we needed to go back to the drawing board and decide what we wanted to do next. Although we each expressed our disappointment with how the day was going so far, we both agreed to accept “what is” and not complain. It was getting close to lunch time and we were getting hungry so instead of going into Lanai City, we decided to have lunch at the hotel and then spend a leisurely afternoon at the pool.
As the waitress led us to our table, we felt like “queens” and were thrilled to be seated at a table overlooking the ocean. We ordered our food and were sitting quietly when all of a sudden we noticed some activity in the ocean that didn’t look like whales. As we looked closer, we realized it was dolphins playing and jumping out of the water right in front of us. We were amazed because there had to be hundreds of dolphins giving us a spectacular show that lasted for over an hour. Kati and I just looked at one other with such gratitude in our hearts because if we had gone into Lanai City as we planned we would have missed this amazing gift of nature.
We finished our lunch and shared a delicious chocolate dessert together. We were now ready to relax and go for a swim in the beautiful pool. We found two lounge chairs with umbrellas to keep us cool. When the attendant brought us over our towels, he asked, “What is your name?” Not expecting any problems because we have been enjoying Maui’s pools since we have been here, I smiled and said, “Hastings.” He then said, “Are you staying at the hotel because the pool is only for guests.” Kati said, “No, but we just spent a lot of money for lunch at the hotel and we thought it would be o.k. to swim in the pool.” Wrong, we were told that we had to leave NOW.
Can you see it? The “queens” were being kicked out of the Four Seasons hotel because we weren’t guests. We felt indignant at first because this had never happened to us before (perhaps a bit of denial on our part.) He took our towels back as we dried off and walked away.
We were being offered another opportunity to accept “what is” and change directions. We decided to take an earlier ferry back to Maui which we thought was leaving at 2:30 p.m. We walked back to the ferry and were shocked when there was no ferry waiting for us. It had left at 2:00 p.m. and we now had 2 ½ hours with nothing to do.
This was getting more difficult to accept “what is” but we knew it was another opportunity to stay in gratitude and not complain. Kati looked on the ground and found a penny and then another penny and then a dime. We laughed and said, “We are rich because we are receiving pennies from heaven.”
Then the miracle happened. We turned around and noticed a shady area with trees and colored chairs that looked very inviting. We quickly made our way to the chairs and “bumped” into the Captain of the Triology. The Triology is considered one of Maui’s best snorkeling boats. As we chatted with Captain Ryan and told him our plight of missing the ferry back and being kicked out of the Four Seasons, he smiled and said, “Would you like to come back on the Trilogy with us?” Not only did we travel in style, but we were invited to have supper with the folks on the boat and were served free drinks and ice-cream Sundays. And the whales and dolphins were incredible. How much better can it get than this? Here are the lessons we learned:
- We kept laughing and going within to ask Spirit to lead and guide us.
- We were willing to change directions, change our perspective, be flexible, go with the flow and not push “Our plan.” We knew there was a “Divine Plan” that was unfolding.
- We allowed ourselves to feel the disappointment and then let it go.
- We chose not to complain, to stay in gratitude and accept “What is.”
- We asked for what we wanted and were willing to receive.
- We knew that when we missed the ferry, there would be a better opportunity for us and there was- the Trilogy.
- We asked to be aware of miracles and expected miracles before we started the day..
When we change our perspective, stay positive and trust, the Universe mirrors back to us what is inside of us. What if everything that looks negative or not what we want can be turned around for our good? What looks like a setback can actually be a set up by God.
God provides just what we need
About 6 months ago Larry and I went to a furniture store in Kahului Maui to look for a recliner chair for Larry since his recliner broke and he had to throw it away. Our friend, Mark, was the manager and showed us all kinds of recliner chairs, including a section where there were special “Stress Less” recliners. When Larry sat in one of the “Stress Less” recliners, he fell in love with it, but not with the price. The recliners started at $2,500 and went up to $4,000. This was clearly not in his budget and we walked out of the store disappointed. After sitting in a “Stress Less” recliner all the others just didn’t make the mark.
The next day I checked out Craigslist for “Stress Less” recliners and there weren’t any. We forgot about it until this week. Our friends, Sandy and Steve, invited us for dinner on Sunday night. We retired to the living room after dinner and Larry found himself sitting in a beautiful black leather “Stress Less” recliner that was Steve’s. His body remembered how good the recliner felt that he sat in when we went to the furniture store. Steve said he bought it over 20 years ago and he loved it.
I quietly turned to Sandy and Steve and said, “I will find one.” Steve said, “I saw one on Craigslist about a year ago but they don’t go on very often.” The next morning I decided to check out Craigslist again. I was pleasantly surprised to find 2 “Stress Less” recliners and the ad had just been placed on Sunday. The ad said they were in excellent condition and the price was in Larry’s budget. I called immediately and left a message that we were interested. Jeff called back a few hours later and said that one of the recliners had already been sold, but we could come by and see the one that was still for sale. We made plans for us to see the recliner that night after we danced.
Larry is 6’1 so we had no idea if the recliner would be big enough for him. When Larry sat in the recliner, he fell in love again. It was a large one and his body fit in it perfectly. He decided to buy it and even got it for a better price than they were asking. Larry didn’t have enough cash with him and said he would give him a deposit. Jeff said, “Do you have a credit card because I have a business and can put it through my machine?” Larry said, “Yes, I have a credit card, but we will have to come back with a truck tomorrow.” Jeff knew that we lived only a few miles away and said, “I will deliver it to your house, it will fit in my van.” Larry and I just stood there kind of stunned, it was so easy.
The recliner fit in Jeff’s van perfectly and as we were about to get in our car, I noticed the front of Jeff’s shirt which said in bold letters – GRATEFUL. We sure were grateful for Larry’s new “Stress Free” recliner and how it all worked out.
We arrived at my house and Jeff carried in the recliner by himself. Larry has had problems with his back and he was concerned about carrying heavy things. It was like everything was planned and taken care of for us, before we even asked. When Larry received Jeff’s receipt the next day online, he shared with me that Jeff was also a spiritual author. No coincidence here!
What I am grateful for is how God provides and in the perfect timing. I trusted God would provide and took action to go on Craigslist. If we hadn’t gone to Sandy and Steve’s house for dinner and Steve had not owned a “Stress Free” recliner, I wouldn’t have gone on Craigslist the next day to look for one. Not only did Larry not have to go to the bank to get cash for the recliner and borrow a truck, but Jeff had a credit card machine in his house, and he offered to deliver it for free. We now have beautiful leather, plush “Stress Less” recliner to fight over! Or maybe I will just have to attract another one for myself.
I needed an “Attitude Adjusment” before the miracle arrived
I wrote in my journal, “I need an attitude adjustment.” I woke up irritable, worried, fearful and with little gratitude in my heart. I said to myself, “How easy it is to get off track and lose my peace when things don’t go my way.” I then remembered that I asked Spirit for something to write about in my blog that would be inspirational and helpful to others. I admitted I was having a moment of “insanity” because I didn’t trust that what was happening in my life was for my highest good and for the good of my loved one.
I knew I needed to change my focus and get grateful, which is exactly what I did. Instead of seeing what was happening as a problem, I could choose to trust and see it as an opportunity and gift. I could choose love instead of fear and practice what I preach – everything I attract into my life is for my highest good and for my soul to grow. Let me explain what happened.
It started this week when my friend, Catherine, invited me to do an energy session with her to release trapped emotions from my body. She shared with me how “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Bradley Nelson, had helped her. Dr. Bradley writes, “Much of our suffering is due to negative emotional energies that have become “trapped” within us. It is my experience that a significant percentage of physical illness, emotional difficulty and self-sabotage are actually caused by these unseen energies. The vast majority of us do have trapped emotions simply because of what we have been through and who we are at this point in our journey. Every patient I treated was found to have trapped emotions embedded in the malignant tissues. The Emotion Code is a simple and powerful method of finding and releasing these trapped emotions.”
Although I have done a lot of energy work of releasing, healing and transforming over the years, this work intrigued me and intuitively I knew it was my next step. I have had a problem in my right knee for over a year that would come and go and nothing I did made it better. I thought, “I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
The session went well with Catherine and I did release some trapped emotions, but I didn’t feel anything special when we were done. I wasn’t experiencing any pain in my knee at the moment so I didn’t know if it “worked.” It has been 5 days and I haven’t had any pain in my knee. Catherine told me that it could be subtle and to watch for other things happening in my life. She gave me her book to read and I devoured it that night.
I had a dream that night that was very significant and powerful. My first love and boyfriend, Steve, told me he wanted to marry me and I was thrilled. Then, he smiled and said he was only joking and that he loved someone else. In reality, this is what happened when I was 19 years old. Steve and I talked about getting married and then he just stopped calling me. Not only was I devastated that he didn’t call me and that he had another girlfriend, but it happened at the same time my mother died in front of me. When I worked with my dream, Spirit showed me that it was too much to process at the time and my emotions got trapped in my body.
What I love about this work is that I was able to find the trapped emotions from this dream and release them myself. I don’t know yet the ramifications of releasing these trapped emotions will be and how it will affect my life, but I know it will.
I love how the Universe works and how things “show up” at the right and perfect time. Not only was I able to release trapped emotions for myself, but I was able to share it with Larry. All of a sudden, Larry started to have pain in his heel and it hurt to walk. He didn’t hit it or bang it and the pain seemed to come out of nowhere.
I had already shared my experience of releasing with Larry and he was interested in learning more about it. Physical pain has a way of getting our attention. We decided to meet at the Fairmont pool the next morning and I was going to read parts of the book to him. Although Larry has had some experience with energy healing, he was somewhat skeptical and said, “You can read it to me, but I don’t want to do it yet.”
While I was waiting for Larry to arrive at the Fairmont pool, my friend, Kati, texted me and asked if I wanted to join her at the Fairmont pool after her walk. She had no idea that I was already there. I told her Larry was coming and I was going to share the book with him. Kati has also done this kind of releasing and was very familiar with the process. I asked her if she was willing to share her personal experience with Larry, and she said, “Yes.”
We found the perfect spot when Larry arrived to share with one another, with beautiful couches tucked away overlooking the ocean. As Kati and I shared our understanding of trapped emotions and personal experiences with Larry, he said, “I’m willing to give it a try.” We didn’t waste any time and seized the opportunity to work with Larry. He was so open and willing, even though he really didn’t understand what was going on. None of us cared if people saw what we were doing because we were definitely in the “zone” and concentrating on love and releasing trapped emotions.
When we were done, Larry said, “The pain in not completely gone, but it feels much better. I feel lighter and like I have been cleansed and the cobwebs have been swept away. It almost feels like I have taken a sedative and it feels pretty nice.”
Larry and I will continue to work and heal together, trusting that God will give us everything we need for our journey.
Your thoughts inspire me and I would love to hear from you. Please be sure to share how this blog impacts you and what comes up for you on your journey.
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