It’s my birthday week and I love to celebrate with some kind of fun adventure. A few years ago, I parasailed with my friend, Margie, and it was awesome. Another year, I paraglided over the mountains on Maui, which was breathtaking.
This year I decided to take a four-hour snorkeling trip with SeaFire Snorkeling Adventures to Molokini. It was the best time to go as the tourists are not here and few boats are in the ocean. Molokini is a crater in the middle of the ocean that was formed from a volcano eruption. I swam with the turtles and saw fish in every color of the rainbow. The water was crystal clear blue and the coral was beautiful. It felt like I was in an ocean of Love.
Although I loved the snorkeling adventure, what was most memorable was the kindness and LOVE I received from one of the staff members named, Kelly. She truly was my angel and I knew I was in good hands with Captain Burns. Before we started to snorkel, they instructed us to stay with your buddy. There were several couples on board and I was all by myself, and probably the oldest one on the boat!
Years ago, I didn’t go to a restaurant alone because I was concerned people would think I didn’t have any friends. I certainly have grown and felt quite comfortable being by myself. I was happy to be alone to enjoy the ocean and nature around me.
I hadn’t been snorkeling in several years and rehabbing from a broken shoulder the last 3 ½ months made me nervous as it got closer to jumping into the ocean. What was I thinking? I informed Kelly about my situation and she said, “No problem, I will be your buddy and help you. You can use a noodle.”
I was the last person off the boat. Kelly stayed and helped me get my fins on and get down the ladder safely. The current was a bit strong and she could tell I was scared. She asked, “Would you like to hold onto my board with the rope and I can pull you?” I quickly said, “Yes.”
I stayed with her for quite a while holding tightly to the board and my noodle until I was relaxed and comfortable on my own. She then swam away and I kept her board with me. She kept checking on me making sure I was safe.
When I returned home, I laughed out loud when I thought about what I must have looked like. I was the only one snorkeling with an orange noodle and holding on to the staff’s board. The good news is that I didn’t care what I looked like or what anyone thought of me. That is growth!
This reminds me of how God gives us opportunities to step out in faith and invites us into deep waters and places where we have never been before. Of course, it’s scary at first until we relax and know we are safe and not alone. We are never alone. We are ONE with God.
There were several things I learned from my adventure.
- I asked for help.
- I didn’t feel ashamed or weak that I needed help.
- I knew what I needed to feel safe.
- I allowed Kelly to share her love with me.
- I didn’t care what I looked like or what others thought of me.
- I received the support I needed by being vulnerable and open.
- I am never alone and can trust God is always with me.
As I was leaving the boat, I thanked Kelly and told her she was my angel. She smiled and said, “Thank you, I love helping people. Can I hug you?” It was a great way to celebrate my birthday.
As I was taking my morning walk, the word maintenance popped into my mind. When I was in my thirties, I went to Weight Watchers. It was accountability every week that enabled me to lose weight. Today, I am accountable to myself and God.
If I wanted to keep the weight off, I needed to exercise and have good nutrition. Although I haven’t been to Weight Watchers in years, I learned a lot about the importance of accountability and maintenance in all areas of my life. We need to maintain our vehicles, garden, home, etc. to keep things in good order.
How about your relationships? How important is maintenance with your partner, children, parents, or work relationships? Our relationships need to be nurtured and supported to stay healthy and vibrant. They don’t just happen. It takes patience, honesty, forgiveness, communication, vulnerability, and commitment to evolve and grow.
I have learned the importance of communicating and asking for what I want, as well as saying what doesn’t feel good, and what I want more of. Larry and I say “ouch” to one another if we say something hurtful, although unintentional. It allows us to listen and be sensitive to our partner’s needs.
I had the opportunity this week to share with Larry how I would like him to respond to me when I am emotionally upset. I know we process differently. I am an empath and feel everything. I was triggered by a remark a friend said to me. Whenever I’m triggered it is because there is something inside of me that needs healing and needs to be released.
I allowed myself to feel and journal my anger and sadness. Feelings are a gift from God and I know how important it is to allow myself to feel. I no longer medicate myself by eating or staying busy to avoid feelings. I needed to release what no longer served me so I could move from blame, anger, and sadness to acceptance and love. How do you medicate your feelings?
As I was getting ready for bed, Larry said, “You look terrible and exhausted. It’s a shame it takes so much out of you to process what happened today.” He was right I was exhausted and it did take a lot out of me to do the deep inner work I needed to do.
The next morning, I thought about what response would have felt more nurturing and supportive from Larry. Instead of saying, “It’s a shame, it takes so much out of you to process what happened today (which felt like a judgment), it would feel better to say, “I appreciate your willingness to feel all of your feelings and how you work through things so quickly.”
He smiled and said, “I’m learning.”
I’m grateful I have learned the importance of speaking my truth and grateful that I have a partner who is willing to listen and change. It’s not always easy to bring things up to one another, but it is better than the “silent treatment” and building resentments.
Here is what I wrote in the last chapter of my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” which was published 13 years ago.
“God’s plan is perfect. I continue to pray and visualize my soul mate coming into my life. What I think about and thank about, I bring into my life. When I visualize, I materialize. I see in my mind’s eye the results and feel like it has already happened. I see my soul mate and I walking on the beach, having fun, and praying together. If God allows me to see it, I can trust he will bring it about. I’ll have to write another book to share how God brings my soul mate into my life. I know it will be a wonderful story, no matter what, and it will be worth the wait.
Many of you know that I waited 15 years after my divorce for my soulmate to “show up.” During those 15 years, I learned a lot about myself; as well as self-love, self-appreciation, and self-care. I learned what I wanted and didn’t want without always trying to please a partner. I learned to live alone and trust myself and my feelings. I learned to become my own best friend. I learned to trust God’s perfect plan for my life. I learned to speak up and set boundaries. I learned to say NO when I needed to. I know today the time was not wasted and it was a gift I gave myself.
Waiting didn’t come easy for me. I don’t like to wait. I often felt impatient and asked God, “Why haven’t I met him yet? What is wrong with me?” Here is the message I received from God when I asked “What is wrong with me?”
“I want you to allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the BEST. Please allow me to bring it to you. YOU MUST WAIT. And then you will be READY. I WILL SURPRISE YOU WITH A LOVE THAT IS FAR MORE WONDERFUL THAN YOU COULD EVER DREAM OF.”
I’m so grateful that I had the grace to wait, surrender, and let go of “my plan” because I thought I was ready. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had pushed to make something happen before it was God’s timing.
What are you waiting for and do you feel impatient as I did? Do you trust God’s perfect plan for your life or do you complain and have given up hope? Don’t ever give up on your dreams.
God is faithful! I was surprised by a love that is far more wonderful than I could have imagined.
God has a plan for your life and He has a plan for my life. His plan is for our good. It takes patience and courage to trust and believe He is working behind the scenes. Larry and I both had to do inner work to be ready for our great love relationship before we came together. It may take time, but it is worth the wait.
Here is a scripture that I have lived by for decades. I hope it comforts your heart as it has mine.
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Larry and I are blessed to belong to a bi-weekly Love group. We met in our home for over 2 years before COVID. We now meet on Zoom. Although it’s not the same as meeting in person, hugging one another, and looking into each other’s eyes, it’s working for us and we feel deeply connected.
You may wonder what a Love group is? We support one another whatever struggles we are going through in Love. We start with a short blessing or prayer and are invited to share something meaningful that we read during the week. There is no agenda or leader, as we allow Spirit to lead and guide us.
We are invited to share a “love story” that happened during our time apart. It’s awesome as we encourage each other to see the love in all situations. We ask, “What is the love story in that situation, especially when we are struggling with an issue.
It’s interesting what happened this week after our Love group. I went from feeling loved and free to feeling very upset and angry at Larry in no time. To put it bluntly, I reacted strongly and blew it! Here is what happened:
I had a busy morning cooking and didn’t have time to clean up the mess in the kitchen before the love group. After the meeting, Larry went into the kitchen and said, “Did you leave this mess here so I could clean it up?”
I was appalled and couldn’t believe he would think that about me. I planned on cleaning it up and didn’t expect him to do it. My ego had a field day telling me he doesn’t appreciate me and he must think I’m lazy.
Larry explained, “I was just asking a question. I didn’t say you had left it for me.” He apologized, but I didn’t feel like he heard me or understand why I was so upset. We went back and forth for a while until one of us said, “What is the love story in this?”
Although I wasn’t ready to see the love story in the situation yet, I started to soften and calm myself down. Before I could see the love story, I needed to feel all of my feelings. I was grateful that Larry didn’t leave the room, but sat and listened to my ranting, as we tried to work it out.
After a while, we were able to discuss what we could have done differently that would have been more loving. He said, “I could have just cleaned up the dishes and not said anything.” I could have said, “No I didn’t leave it for you and I planned on cleaning up after the love group.” I’m not sure why I had such a strong reaction and why it triggered me, but it did.
The next morning, I apologized for my strong reaction and we were able to laugh about it. I said, “I appreciate that you didn’t leave the room, but stayed and listened to me.” Spirit showed me that there have been times when I didn’t fill the water pitcher because I didn’t feel like doing it and expected Larry to do it. I felt convicted.
When we are open to experience the power of love in our lives, there is always a love story we can discover.
In the book “Love Is All There Is,” the author suggests “There is no tragedy so great that it does not have within it the opportunity for Love. Amid all human tragedy, there have always been stories of great Love and Love is present in every situation. The fiercest war, the most grotesque violence, the most devastating disasters need only be seen from a different perception to reveal the presence of Love.”
Have you ever had the experience when a situation seemed to be one way, then after looking at it with a different perspective, you found it completely different than you had first thought? When you look at a beautiful diamond it has so many different facets. You look at it one way and it is beautiful; you turn it around and the facets change and it becomes beautiful in a whole new way.
I encourage you to find the love story in every situation in your life, regardless of how negative it may seem at first. This will enable you to have the best perspective and make better decisions from the love perspective.
I tearfully said goodbye to one of my closest friends, Joanne, 2 years ago. It was quite emotional and honest as I thanked her for her love, encouragement, and support over the last 3 decades. She died two weeks later from Ovarian cancer.
Joanne was always there for me, as I was there for her. I always felt that God spoke to me through her. Joanne was my spiritual “cheerleader” as I went through my divorce, sexual abuse, and raising kids. She was a wise and loving friend. We lived on the same street and often took walks or sat and had a cup of tea on my porch or her back yard with beautiful flowers.
Before she died, Joanne encouraged her partner, Linda, to write a book about their love relationship and her cancer journey. It has been my honor to support and encourage Linda to write the book. I received a text from Linda this week informing me that she finished the last chapter of the book.
I was so happy and proud of Linda. I sent her a text congratulating her for finishing the book. Later in the day, while sitting outside on my swing and journaling, I heard a voice and I didn’t know where it was coming from. My phone was off and next to me in the swing. When I picked up my phone, there was Linda’s face. I was quite surprised and said, “Did you Face Time me?” She said, “No, did you Face Time me?”
We were both stunned. We have never done a Face Time with one another. Linda explained, “I just walked upstairs to get your book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” and had your book in my hand when I saw the incoming call and saw your name.
I couldn’t speak at first and my whole body shivered. We both agreed Joanne was “showing up” to support us both on our journeys. We laughed and cried that she had communicated with us in such a powerful way.
It is no coincidence that Linda and Larry and I have finished our books at the same time. Joanne was my earth “cheerleader” and now she is my heavenly “cheerleader.” Our loved ones do want to communicate with us if we are open.
A week ago, on a humid Sunday in Rhode Island, I had been lounging on the couch with my computer as I mulled over some revisions for my book. Even though I had recently finished writing the last chapter, I knew that reviewing the earlier chapters would take some time. With the help of my writing coach, encouragement from others, and Pat’s compassionate advice, I realized I might complete this first book after all.
In the two years since my wife Joanne died, many astounding connections with her spirit have comforted me, always when I needed them the most. On this particular Sunday, I was pondering a different way to express If you snooze, you lose, that described Joanne’s ability to get things done without delay.
After reading Pat’s text congratulating me and offering to help pull the chapters together, I had sent a text thanking her and assuring her I would be in touch when my revisions were done. I decided to retrieve “Simply A Woman of Faith” upstairs in my nightstand in order to review her book’s layout. As usual, my cell phone was in its case attached to my waistband when I ascended the stairs.
I had just picked up Pat’s book when my phone rang. To my surprise, it was Pat. I thought, “That’s odd, maybe she didn’t get my text.” Answering the phone, I held it to my ear but soon discovered I also saw her face. I was shocked to discover we were on FaceTime and that she was just as surprised to see my face as well. My jaw dropped while I kept repeating, “Oh my god!”
In that moment, I could almost hear Joanne tell me to connect with Pat without delay. While I marveled at the perfect timing, I felt certain my love had planned this magical event. Knowing my tendency to procrastinate, her spirit seemed to remind me about snoozing and losing, so I will take the hint and push on. With gratitude to God and Joanne, my heart is renewed once again. Thank you, Pat, for your steadfast support, love, and cheerleading.
I’m finally back to walking on the beach in the morning after breaking my shoulder 3 months ago. I went into the ocean for the first time and it soothed my body, soul and spirit.
As I was walking and appreciating nature; the ocean, mountains, birds and flowers, I said to God, “Thank you for the grace to say YES to writing our book.” I heard the small, still voice of God, “Your YES is blessed.” There was a quickening in my heart and I knew God’s plan was unfolding and it was GOOD.
We are humbled and excited that we just finished our manuscript and will be birthing, “It’s Never Too Late for Love” Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire at a time when the world desperately needs LOVE, hope and inspiration more than ever. We actually had fun writing it as we were guided every step of the way.
Have you closed the door on your desires or given up on the hope to finding Love? Have you ever wondered? “I’m too old, there are no good men or women out there or am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?”
When I prayed about writing a book together many months ago, this is the message I received from Spirit:
“Say YES to BE the light and love that I call you to BE today. The world is awakening to the truth that we are all ONE and not separate from God. You know the truth and will share it with those I send to you. Do not be afraid of your light for it is my light shining through you. There is much darkness in the world that is now coming into the light. Although it looks like things in the world are deteriorating and people are very anxious and confused, it is my plan being played out. There is no need to be afraid because this has been planned by me and is the beginning of a great awakening.”
My friend, Nancy, shared her perspective on our relationship.
“To see the genuine love between Pat and Larry has helped me redefine what a love relationship can be. I have seen how they hold space for each other’s highest and best expression of love to come through. The love, trust and respect that they have for one another is a beacon for me in calling in my ideal soul mate and has helped me to understand and know that true love exists.”
Many of you have followed my journey from the beginning when I wrote Simply a Woman of Faith. I followed my heart and moved to Maui to meet my soul mate and then get married. Friends have shared that our love story is like a Modern-day fairy tale.
About a month ago, I asked my daughter, Mary for help with some ongoing health issues I was experiencing. I was reluctant to ask because I hadn’t followed through with her suggestions in the past. But I really needed her help! I was so grateful for her response. She said, “Mom, of course I will help you.” Ask and you shall receive.
One of the chapters in our book is “Asking for What You Want and Need.” It’s hard to ask for help. I feel vulnerable and don’t want to bother you. But if I don’t ask, you will not know what I need and how you can help me.
Larry and I are asking for your help to get “It’s Never Too Late for Love” Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire out into the world. If you have been inspired by our story, would you be willing to share it with your friends and family? It would be a great Christmas present for yourself or for someone who has given up hope to finding love.
As it gets closer to publication in November, we will let you know exactly what we need. Can we count on you for support? If you have a YES in your heart to purchase the book and share the LOVE with friends and family, would you REPLY to this blog with a quick YES, of course I will help you!
We thank you in advance for whatever you are led to do. If you have any ideas to help promote our book, please let us know. Thank you for your support and prayers and we look forward to hearing from you. We greatly appreciate and love you.
Do you have difficulty sleeping at night, whether getting to sleep or staying asleep? Do you lay awake obsessing and can’t shut your mind off? It’s a vicious cycle, for sure. I’m also having problems sleeping and know the frustration of not being able to sleep. I wake up every couple of hours to pee. Sometimes I get right back to sleep and other times I lay awake for hours. I’m concerned that I won’t have energy and be able to function the next day when I can’t sleep. I’m learning to ask for and trust that DIVINE ENERGY will get me through the day.
Several of my friends are also experiencing not being able to sleep at night and are exhausted. There is so much powerful light and energy coming into the planet at this time and our bodies feel it. It’s almost like our bodies are being rebooted or recalibrated and it can be very uncomfortable. In this unprecedented time in history that none of us have experienced before and with the uncertainty of the future, we are all experiencing different symptoms.
Here are a few things that I’m focusing on to help me stay peaceful and may help you for whatever you are going through in your life. I don’t do any of this perfectly, but it is PROGRESS and not PERFECTION.
- Instead of seeing things as a problem, I’m changing my perspective to seeing it as an opportunity
- I’m taking the word TRY out of the equation
- I’m not complaining
- I’m going with the FLOW
- I’m practicing Radical Self-love and Self-care
I don’t see not sleeping as a “problem” but as an opportunity. Just that little shift in consciousness helps me accept “what is,” even though I may not like it. I may be able to do this for 10 minutes during the night or all night.
When I’m able to see not sleeping as an opportunity, I open myself to possibilities. For example: I am using the time to CHOOSE LOVE and send love to the world and family members, especially to those I am struggling with or who trigger me. My relationship to Spirit is growing deeper.
When I say I’m going to TRY to do something, there is no commitment and I may or may not do it. For example: I will try not to complain, I will try not to eat chocolate, I will try to eat healthy, I will try to exercise, I will try not to judge, I will try not to take things personally. The list goes on and on.
There is so much more power when I say I WILL do something than when I say I will TRY to do something. See how it feels for yourself.
I believe Spirit is inviting us to Radical self-love and self- care and it will look different for all of us. My focus is on both internal and physical healing. I am spending a lot of time going within. It’s important to preserve my energy and to not do things that drain me. Instead of pushing to do more (which I did all my life) I’m doing LESS and not beating up on myself and feeling guilty. How do you practice self-love and self-care?
For example: If I don’t have the energy to call someone back and need to rest, I rest and give my body what it needs. I will call them later or the next day. If I make plans with someone to do something and I don’t have the energy to do it, I cancel. For much of my life I did things to please others, rather than what was good for me.
I’m practicing going with the FLOW and living in the moment and in the day. I like routine because it makes me feel safe and in control. Before I broke my shoulder, I walked early in the morning for 5 miles on the beach. I like to pray and meditate at the same time every day. Everything has changed and I am learning to go with the flow and be more spontaneous. If I don’t pray in the morning, I will pray at night or not. I’m seeing everything as prayer.
We are on this journey of life together to love, help and support one another. The world needs us to shine our lights into the darkness even more than ever. There are so many unconscious people who don’t know what we know and where to turn for help. I know that Spirit is the answer and I can trust the plan for my life.
I recently read this on Facebook. Steve Jobs died a billionaire, with a fortune of $7 billion, at the age of 56 from pancreatic cancer, and here are some of his last words.
“In other eyes, my life is the essence of success, but aside from work, I have little joy. At this moment, lying on the bed, sick and remembering all my life, I realize that all my recognition and wealth that I have is meaningless in the face of imminent death. One can find material things, but there is one thing that cannot be found when it is lost – “LIFE.” Treat yourself well, and cherish others. Your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.
Have you ever thought of success as people having great careers, living in big homes and making a lot of money? I don’t believe success is fame, wealth, degrees or how many books a person has written. Of course, it’s great to be accomplished, but if you don’t LOVE and feel LOVE in your heart, none of it matters.
As Steve Jobs said, true happiness and success doesn’t come from material things of the world. Money cannot buy happiness. Happiness is an inside job and you can be wealthy and happy if LOVE is in your heart.
I shared in last week’s blog about finding the book called, “Lessons in Love” at the estate sale for my neighbor. I was quite delighted when I opened the first page of the book and read the following:
You know you are a success if your children love you
“The enormous love parents have for their children can only be felt in their actions to them throughout their lives. Children’s love for their parents is God’s ultimate gift to parents, and it comes about because the precious heavenly gifts He gave them were highly valued and well-cared for on earth.”
I have never thought of this before, but it sure made a lot of sense. I feel very blessed and grateful because I know, without a doubt, my children love me by the way they support, respect and honor me in so many ways. They are each special in their own way and show their love in so many ways.
Whether you have children or not, you have friends and family that love you and you love. You are a success if you love and are loved.
I received this beautiful necklace this week from a family member. It’s the tree of life with my 4 children and 6 grandchildren on it. I cried when I opened it as it touched my heart very deeply. There wasn’t a card with it and I don’t know who sent it. I sent a text to my family thanking them and asking who sent it. It’s still a mystery who sent it.
During this unprecedented time in the world where there is uncertainty about the future and many people are suffering, it’s important to keep our vibration high by living in the moment and being grateful for what we have, rather than what’s missing.
I encourage you to feel your feelings of loss; sadness, anger, disappointment and fear and then Let go and let God. It’s about trust and surrendering to “what is” and what’s out of our control.
We are all connected and we are all ONE. Love is the answer. I invite you to reflect on your life and ask yourself, “How well do I love and how well am I loved my family and friends? You are a success if you love and are loved.
Even though Shalandra lived at the end of my street and I could see her house from my lanai, I didn’t know her very well. I had been to her house for a meeting many years ago and remembered her light and beautiful smile. She was a few years older than me and our birthdays were a few days apart. We always sent birthday greetings to one another on Facebook. When I broke my shoulder 8 weeks ago, we were in contact to discuss a Reiki session with her.
What a shock to me and the community that loved her to hear the news that she transitioned to the light 2 weeks ago. She lived alone and died suddenly of unknown causes. As far as I knew she was healthy and doing her work in the world. I kept thinking about her and couldn’t get her out of my mind all week.
We really don’t know if we will have our next breath or when our train is coming in, do we? Could the invitation be to live today as if it were our last day? We are not promised tomorrow. All I have is today; to live my life to the fullest, to the best of my ability and to LOVE BIG.
If you knew it was your last day to live, what would you do differently? I know I would want to be with my loved ones and make sure they knew how much I loved and appreciated them. I would tell them how grateful I was for their love throughout my life. I would tell them how proud I was of them. We would laugh and remember the good times we had together. I would encourage them to love and live their dreams. I would assure them that I would always be with them.
I was sitting outside on my lanai during my prayer and meditation on Saturday when I noticed an estate sale sign going up on the corner of my street. I knew it was Shalandra’s house and I felt compelled to go to it. I haven’t been to a yard sale in 5 months due to COVID. I put on my mask and off I went to the estate sale.
It was kind of an “eerie” feeling seeing EVERYTHING she owned being sold at an estate sale; furniture, books, clothes, towels, sheets, dishes, etc. I prayed and asked Spirit to lead me to what Shalandra wanted me to have of hers. There were beautiful clothes displayed on hangers. I spotted the blue, green, and purple shirt almost immediately as they were my colors. I knew I had to have it. I also bought a rug for in front of our sink, a skillet for making pancakes and a book called “Lessons in Love.” I couldn’t wait to read it. There were many beautiful messages about Love and I know the book FOUND me.
The next day, while I was having coffee with my friend, Kat, I shared with her Shalandra’s death and the estate sale. I was wearing my new shirt and Kat asked, “May I take a picture of you with your new shirt?”
I was really surprised when I became quite emotional talking about Shalandra, especially since I didn’t know her well. What did it mean, if anything? Was she trying to communicate with me in some way? Somehow, wearing her shirt, I felt close to her and wrapped in her love and light. I felt like she was saying to me, “Keep shining your light for the world needs your light. I will help you.”
Her form is no longer with us on this earth, but her spirit was still alive. I have heard that light workers are leaving the planet so they can help us on the other side and that the veil is very thin now.
Yesterday, I noticed the rug I bought had lots of circles in it and so did my shirt. Was this a coincidence or a message? I was led to google circles.
The circle is a universal symbol with extensive meaning. A circle has no beginning and no end. In this sense, a circle represents eternity.
Spiritually, the circle represents a supernatural motion that keeps things moving continuously. A circle represents the Divine that keeps everything moving through spiritual law and order. A circle represents our own individual spiritual force that keeps us evolving. A circle represents the Divine life-force or Spirit that keeps our reality in motion. It is symbolic of vitality, wholeness, completion, and perfection.
We are all ONE and connected and part of the Divine life force. Let us walk this spiritual journey together loving and supporting one another.
Have you ever had the experience of “hovering” over a loved one or being “hovered over?” It could be an adult child, close friend, spouse or parent. You find yourself too invested or involved in whatever they are doing or NOT doing. You think you are helping them and give them advice and tell them what to do both subtly and not so subtly. You may worry or obsess about them. For me, “hovering” is about fear. I am afraid my loved one will suffer because of their behaviors and get hurt. When I focus and “hover” over a loved one, I lose my peace of mind. Whenever I try to control or fix another person because I think I know what’s right for them, I lose my peace.
You may have heard the term “Helicopter mom.” What about “Helicopter wife or husband?” I was married to Larry a short time when I found myself “hovering” over him. I was in trouble, because I knew better. Old behaviors die hard. Luckily, I recognized it quickly and we discussed it and how it felt for both of us. I do not want to be, nor will I be a “helicopter wife!”
For example: While we were driving in the car to the airport in Rhode Island with lots of cars going in and out of lanes, I was advising Larry how to drive. I burst out laughing when he turned to me and said, “Would you please land your helicopter?” It was absolutely perfect and I got the message loud and clear. Since then, we have used the “helicopter concept” whenever we feel the other is “hovering.” It is such a gentle way to communicate in a loving manner. We will continue to remind each other when either one of us need to land our helicopter.
When I make a suggestion to Larry and he doesn’t agree with it, instead of getting into an argument, I have learned to let it go and let him sit with it. I don’t try to control or push my ideas. Often, after he thinks about it, he changes his mind. If he doesn’t change his mind, it wasn’t meant to be, and I accept it.
It’s been several years and we haven’t needed to remind each other to land our helicopters until this week! Larry asked me to “land my helicopter” after I gave him my opinion about calling his doctor. He has been struggling with sinus problems for the past few weeks and it has been pretty intense. He tried over the counter allergy medicine, but it made it worse. He cannot breathe at night and has to sit in his chair to sleep. He may sleep for an hour and then wake up and have difficulty breathing again. Consequently, he is exhausted and takes cat naps during the day.
It was really scary for me watching him suffer and not being able to do anything about it. I didn’t know if he would be alive in the morning or not. I felt upset about his unwillingness to call his doctor and get medical treatment. I thought he was being “stubborn” and no matter what I said, he wouldn’t listen.
Larry is an adult and knows what he needs to do for his body. If he doesn’t want to take a medication or see the doctor, that is up to him. I trust that he will figure it out and do what’s best for him. I don’t want to hover over his every move and tell him what to do. This is not respecting him by trying to convince him to do something he doesn’t want to do. If I have given my opinion once, then I need to let it go and let God. I have learned to pray and send love. I asked Spirit to speak to Larry’s heart. Although it takes a great deal of patience not to say anything, this always works.
Here is the message I received from Spirit:
You must trust that I am in charge. Larry is trying to do this on his own and will realize when he needs to ask for help. Trust me and let go of fear. I am in charge. Choose Love.
I knew he had a very difficult night and wanted to ask him in the morning, “What are you going to do about it?” Instead, I said nothing and trusted God. Larry looked at me and said, “I’m going to call the doctor today.” I said, “Thank you Jesus for answering my prayer.”
Larry called the doctor that day and was prescribed a medication and is feeling better.
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