I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. I don’t know about you, but I’m grateful 2019 is over with all of the powerful energies and solar/lunar eclipses coming onto the planet. Many people are experiencing sleep disturbances, physical pain and feeling out of sorts emotionally. I look forward to 2020 and the many blessings and miracles it will bring.
The last two months have been very intense for me and I feel EMPTIED; like I have been on a “Excavation Expedition.” To excavate means to dig up or out, remove, hollow out, unearth, to uncover something, to reach inside.
I was willing, with the grace of God, to dig deep inside of me to release/clear what was hidden and no longer served me, but in fact caused me suffering and pain. It started with a 10-day colonics treatment in November where I released toxins and waste. This treatment was a deeply spiritual experience as I let go of what was still lurking in the dark recesses of my body and mind. I was surprised as memories that still had an emotional charge came to the light to be transformed and transmuted.
During the last 2 months, I have let go of “emotional attachments” to friends and family members, self-induced suffering created by beliefs that weren’t true, control, anger, grief, sadness and resentments.
Holidays can be stressful for many people and it often brings up my “stuff.” Christmas day was difficult because I live 5,000 miles away from my children and grandchildren. I missed them and felt sad.
For the past 8 years since I’ve lived on Maui, my family and I do Facetime on Christmas day. It’s a way to connect and for us to celebrate as a family. So, of course, it was my expectation that they would call and we would Facetime.
I felt excited and “waited” for their call all day. When my oldest son called to wish me a Merry Christmas on his way home from the family gathering, I realized there would be no Facetime call.
It felt like a wave hit me and I went under fast. I asked, “What happened to our Facetime?” I don’t even remember what he said.
I got off the phone in tears and prayed to God for help. Why was I in such deep emotional pain? I knew my reaction was way over the top and I needed to dig deep to uncover the root of the pain.
It was a “DIVINE SET-UP.” The belief that surfaced since they hadn’t called me was “I’m not important to them and maybe they don’t love me.”
As I meditated, Spirit brought to mind a memory when I was very young. I was sitting on the couch looking out the window “waiting” for my mother to come home. My mother left for days and I didn’t know if she was dead or alive. The “light went off” and I knew where this belief that I didn’t feel important came from. The truth set me free and there was a sense of relief, release and healing.
Many of our beliefs are unconscious and formed in childhood. If I don’t uncover these false beliefs, I will feel like a victim and blame others for my unhappiness. Happiness is an inside job.
The truth is I am very important and loved by my children. Ironically, after the DIVINE SET-UP, they each called separately to wish me a Merry Christmas. God is good.
For years, I looked outside of myself for others to make me feel important and loved. No more! Today, I will continue to give myself love, self-care, approval and appreciation. I am open and ready to experience more miracles and abundance in my life.
“My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match. I want you to be filled with My very Being, permeated through and through with Peace.”
I’m sure you’ve heard that healing is like peeling an onion. Healing goes deeper and deeper, and it can be messy and challenging when things are trying to come up to the light to be healed and transformed.
Have you ever said to yourself, “I have already dealt with that issue, why is it coming up again and why now?” I have been on the spiritual path for over 4 decades and have done lots of healing and clearing and “stuff” still comes up for me.
Instead of beating up on myself and asking WHY is this happening, I have compassion for myself and have learned to allow myself to go into the pain and go deeper. I am not saying it is easy, because it’s not. I allow myself to feel my feelings for to feel is to heal, no matter how many times I have done it before.
I am willing to dig deep and get to the root of what’s coming up because I want to be free and live the life God intended me to live. It is usually triggered by something in my present that I have allowed to trigger me. It’s never the “other person” to blame. It’s about me and what still needs to be healed. If it was healed, I wouldn’t feel pain and be triggered by another person’s actions or inactions.
I have struggled with jealousy and comparing myself with other women for many years. I hated it! When I felt jealous, I learned to invite the jealousy in for a cup of tea and love that part of me that was wounded and still needed healing. Thankfully, I have healed and shifted it and don’t struggle with jealousy like I did when I was younger.
I woke up one morning this week in tears and didn’t know what was going on or what was coming up. I knew I was being triggered by a friend’s actions. I always pray and ask Spirit for help. Spirit revealed the origin of my pain that still needed more healing.
When I was about 12 years old, my mother locked herself in the bathroom and was trying to kill herself by taking pills. I banged on the door and screamed for her to stop and come out. I don’t remember what happened after that, but she didn’t kill herself.
There are 3 unspoken rules in a dysfunctional family and they are:
- Don’t talk
- Don’t feel
- Don’t trust
Of course, we never talked about this “episode” and life went on as normal. My mother suffered with alcoholism so there was always some kind of drama going on. This was our normal.
My mother died 8 years later when I was 20 years old. It was very traumatic as my parents were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on January 1 in the church they were married in. When the ceremony was over, they turned around and she collapsed on the alter. The fire department came and by the time they got her to the hospital, she was dead.
It doesn’t matter WHY this was coming up now 53 years later. Perhaps it’s the holidays and the anniversary of her death on January 1. What matters is that I was willing to go even deeper and feel my feelings so I could let them go, heal and be free.
Over the years, I have learned to reparent myself and give myself what I needed; love, compassion, patience, forgiveness and kindness. You can either become BITTER or BETTER and I chose to become BETTER. I share my story with you not for you to feel sorry for me or say “Poor Pat.” I share it to encourage you that no matter what has happened in your life or what trauma you have experienced; you can heal if you are willing to go deep and heal. You can set yourself FREE, as I have.
I don’t regret my past as it has made me the woman I am today; a woman who stands tall in her own truth, a woman who lives in gratitude and loves and appreciates life. I am living my dreams and can help you do the same.
It is my belief that I attract everything into my life for my highest good. I love it when I attract miracles and it all flows with peace, ease and grace. It is not easy when I attract challenges or opportunities that I don’t like and would rather not have in my life. It may be difficult to understand the “lessons” I need to learn or to discover some truths about myself.
It is “lessons” that I’ve attracted into my life so my soul can grow. My soul knows what it needs for me to reach my highest potential and what it needs to release behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve me.
This has been a challenging week of “lessons” and practicing healthy behaviors. Here is what I practiced:
- I spoke up and asked for what I wanted
- I set boundaries
- I forgave
- I detached from the outcome
- I let go of control
- I felt all of my feelings including anger and sadness
- I was honest and spoke my truth
- I didn’t fix or try to rescue another
I would like to share what detachment means to me and my experience of detaching with love from the outcome.
Detaching with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. What other people do or don’t do is none of my business.
Detachment is not caring less; it’s caring more for my own serenity. Detachment brings freedom and attachment brings suffering.
How do I know when I need to detach and let go?
- When my mind is like a blender and I can’t shut it off.
- When I’m frustrated and angry at the behavior of a loved one.
- When I can’t control another’s behavior
- When I don’t feel heard and it appears my words fall on deaf ears.
- When I think I’m right about a situation and the other person is wrong.
I need to practice detachment for my own peace of mind. It is a loving gift I give to myself and others. It is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs. I can detach and still be compassionate. I need to detach so I don’t take everything personally because I can’t control others reactions or behaviors. Detachment is not isolation or a wall. It’s about letting go of obsessing about another’s behavior and trusting what is happening is for our highest good.
Do you need to detach from someone you love or a situation that you are obsessing about? Give yourself the gift of detachment for your own sanity and the sanity of your loved one.
I want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. It is a time to focus on gratitude and all the blessings we have in our lives; family, friends, wealth, health, happiness, love and joy. We are so blessed to live in this time of Spiritual Awakening in the world. When we are connected to all the blessings in our lives, we are able to find the lessons and positive side to every situation or outcome.
Gratitude is a gift I give myself not only at Thanksgiving, but all year long. Gratitude adds joy to my life and when I’m grateful, it actually changes my brain chemistry. That is good news!
If I’m struggling with a problem and my ego and monkey mind are running the show, I PAUSE, STOP and get GRATEFUL. I focus on the blessings in my life and all that’s working and all that is good in my life. I journal and write a gratitude list and say affirmations. When I’m disconnected from a state of gratitude, my inner light is dimmed.
It’s amazing the inner shift that takes place when I’m grateful. Although the problem may not be solved yet, my mind is clearer. I’m peaceful and in a much better place to figure out what I need to do next.
I’m grateful BEFORE something happens. Perhaps it’s called expectant faith. For example, I say thank you God for the parking spot I’m going to find at Costco. It almost always works. I say thank you God for how I’m going to feel after a difficult confrontation or conversation. I express gratitude for open and closed doors, especially if I’m uncertain about a decision I am making.
For me it’s about TRUST and surrender. Trust that a Higher Power, Infinite Intelligence, Source and Love are at work behind the scenes working things out for my highest good. It’s continually putting my life in the hands of God, letting go and getting out of the driver’s seat.
As the holidays approach with all the hustle and bustle of commercialism, I am choosing to not get caught up in it all. I love the holidays; the Christmas songs and lights and I will enjoy that. I am choosing to focus on the real meaning of Christmas and that is LOVE. Instead of focusing on things outside of myself, I’m choosing to love and focus on what’s inside of me and CELEBRATE my growth and how far I’ve come.
That feels really good to celebrate my growth, rather than beat up on myself for all the things I still need to change or where I need to grow and heal. I’m not sure how it’s going to look yet, as celebrating my growth just came to me in prayer this morning.
I will start on December 1 and ask Spirit to show me an area of my life that I want to celebrate. For example, today I will celebrate my courage. I will journal and write about all the ways I’ve been courageous over the years. The next day I may celebrate ways I’ve been generous with my love, time or money. It will be fun seeing what Spirit brings to mind each day.
My plan is to get a special journal for the month and call it “December Celebrating Myself.”
What we focus on grows. What we think about, we bring about. I’m thinking about my soul’s growth and how far I’ve come. How about you? Will you join me and celebrate your growth and life?
My friends call me the “Yard sale Queen.” They often ask me to look for something they need, and it inevitably shows up that day! It’s so much fun to pray for what I need and then have it show up. I’m so grateful to Spirit for how I am always provided for.
I also call myself the Queen of Anger. That’s right, Anger. I’m really passionate at encouraging and helping my clients and friends to release their anger that may have been buried in the their subconscious for years. I give them permission to feel and release. To feel is to heal. When I allowed myself to feel and release my anger many years ago, it was one of the best things I did for myself. It brought me to a new place of freedom, peace and ease.
It was not EASY because I had repressed and pushed my anger down for so many years. I was taught that little girls don’t get angry. I even prided myself that I didn’t feel anger much and felt sorry for others who got angry often. I was in denial and out of touch with myself for years until it just got too painful and things weren’t working for me.
I remember feeling like I had to prime the pump, so to speak. I was in therapy and memories of sexual abuse were coming up and I didn’t feel any anger. I knew it had to be there, but I couldn’t feel it.
It was easy for me to feel sad when something happened that hurt or disappointed me, but anger was another story. Underneath my sadness was anger-and a lot of it! I was filled with anger as a people pleaser. I was always trying to please others so they would love me. I looked outside to feel validated and approved of, rather than going within for what I needed.
I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am today if I hadn’t dealt with repressed anger, that was like a hidden cancer inside of me. I was angry at myself, at God and the abusers in my life and didn’t even know it.
Many years ago, I traveled to Bermuda by myself to heal from the memories of being sexually abused. I expected sunshine, peace and time alone with God. Instead, after 5 days of rain and no sunshine, I finally ventured out to do some sightseeing on the moped I had rented. On my way home to the hotel, the skies opened up and there was not only rain, but hail and ice balls hitting my face. I was terrified, to say the least. When I finally reached a covered shelter for buses up ahead, I pulled over. I turned off my moped, threw it on the ground and screamed at God at the top of my lungs. I felt the anger rise up from a deep place within me.
I didn’t get angry with God. I had never gotten angry with God until then. I sobbed uncontrollably and it seemed like time stopped. I realized that all of my life I had held in my anger and couldn’t hold it in any longer. It had to come out and it wasn’t pretty.
The next day, after my anger release, I felt very different inside. The sun came out for the first time and I felt lighter, peaceful and more alive than I had ever felt. I believe that God threw thunderbolts and created the perfect circumstances (a hailstorm in Bermuda) to free, transform and heal me.
Today, it is fairly easy for me to feel my anger when something happens that disturbs me. I feel it and can release it because it’s not years of repressed anger in my body. I do what I need to do for myself; journal, speak up if I need to, scream, forgive, and then let it go.
If you need help identifying and releasing your anger, I am here to help you. You are worth it.
I have never written about this or talked about it here. It is time to bring light to an area of my life that was painful, abusive and dysfunctional. I share it with you for my own healing and to help others who may have had the same experience or may even be in it now.
I didn’t know it at the time but my family and I belonged to a Christian Charismatic prayer community – that I would label today as a cult. We belonged to the community for 10 years. That was 25 years ago and I still have triggers when I think about the emotional abuse I experienced, especially as a woman. I unknowingly gave my power away.
You may not belong to a religious cult, but you may be in a marriage, relationship or job that is controlling and abusive and you have given your power away.
The first thing that happened to me when we joined the community was that I was asked to not use my gifts at the prayer meetings (the gift of prophecy), so my husband could be raised up. It makes no sense to me today, but I bought it back then and didn’t use my gifts ever again.
It’s all about control and there were many RULES to follow; how to dress, how to pray, how to raise your family, how to tithe, where to live, how to wear makeup, how to be submissive to your husband. I was reprimanded by my leader if I didn’t follow the rules. My leader informed me that I was wearing too much eye makeup and if I wanted to be a leader, it had to be removed.
I gave my power away because I wanted to be loved and accepted. I was empty inside. I thought the leaders knew better than I did for my life. At that time, I didn’t know my answers and everything I needed was inside of me. I’m embarrassed to share this and shiver to think where I was and what my family experienced.
The leaders were good people who thought they were doing the right things. We joined the community so our children would grow up with other children who had the same Christian values. That was the good part of it as we did many fun things together with other families and formed deep friendships with some of the members.
When my family left the community after being a part of it for 10 years, I had to go into therapy for debriefing because I was so messed up!
- I didn’t think for myself
- I followed the “rules” without questioning
- I played small
- I didn’t have a voice
- My self-esteem was damaged
- I allowed myself to be controlled and abused
- My light was dim
- I felt guilt that I couldn’t measure up to their standards
I’m so grateful that I had a great therapist who helped me move through it and see the truth of what was going on.
I not only had to forgive myself for giving my power away as I did, I had to forgive the leaders for the emotional and spiritual abuse I experienced. It was a long process and I am happy to say I SET MYSELF FREE.
Today, after many years of recovering from this experience, I truly value, appreciate and celebrate who I am as a woman. I have learned to love myself from the inside out and go within for my answers.
I am using my gifts and standing in the light of my magnificence and it feels really good. I remember the truth of who I am as a child of God. I am LOVE. You are LOVE. Do you remember the truth of who you are?
My affirmation: “I am a star that shines brightly to lead others to the God within.’
|I had the opportunity this week to say no to a friend and colleague who asked me to write an endorsement for his new book. It’s not that I didn’t want to give him an endorsement, because I did, but my plate was full and I knew I wouldn’t be able to give it the time it needed. His response to my no was loving and accepting. We both know the importance of self-care and honesty. I have to admit that there was a time in my life that I didn’t say NO to others because I wanted others to love me and I was afraid of the consequences of saying no. I often anticipated others needs and offered to help before they even asked. I never thought about if it would be good for me. I lived from the SHOULDS and it was exhausting. I pushed myself to do things that I didn’t want to do because I thought that was the loving thing to do. What I didn’t understand was that I had it backwards. I wasn’t loving myself and my needs first. I was not taught how to go within and ask Spirit for guidance nor was I taught how to love myself first. Do you have a hard time saying NO to others when they ask you to do something or they want you to go someplace with them? Are you able to say no just because you don’t feel like doing something without a legitimate excuse? Do you think it’s selfish to say no to another’s request? Do you feel guilty and beat up on yourself when you say no? Have you ever felt resentful when you did something you didn’t want to do and did it because you thought you SHOULD do it? Are you unable to say no to another’s request because you want to take care of them and rescue and fix them? Whenever we focus on others, at the expense of ourselves, we are in trouble and not in alignment with God’s will. It is like we are saying, “Your needs are more important than mine.” It is not only dishonoring, but it is disrespectful to the other person when we think we have the answers for them and want to rescue or fix them. I want to be helpful and loving and be there for others when I can and choose to. WHEN I SAY NO TO OTHERS, I AM SAYING YES TO MYSELF. Believe me, coming to this place of knowing and truth has been a process because I understand how important self-love and self-care is to my overall well-being. I am responsible to take care of myself; body, mind and spirit FIRST before I can truly be there for another. Today, when I need to make a decision whether to say yes or no to another person’s request, I go within, trust my intuition and ask Spirit for guidance. I ask questions like: * Do I really want to do this (whatever the request is)? * Is this in my highest good (and that of the other person) to say yes to this request? * Am I feeling responsible for the other person and their needs?|
|Remember, it is not selfish to say no, but self-loving to say no when you want to. If I am not sure I want to do something, I give myself time to go within and ask for guidance. I do nothing out of the SHOULDS anymore. It takes practice to say no in a way that doesn’t offend someone. Being true to myself is self-loving and honoring.|
When people ask me, “Why did you move to Maui?” I place my hand on my heart and say, “I followed my heart and knew I would meet my soul mate here.” My HEART knew what I needed to grow and expand and to experience more love and joy in my life.
While my heart said yes, my head said, “How can you leave your children and grandchildren? You don’t have enough money. You can’t leave your beautiful home and move 5,000 miles away. Who would take care of you if you get sick?”
It was a battle for quite a while who and what I was going to listen to; my heart or my head. One day my heart said “yes” to moving to Maui and the next day, I was riddled with fear and apprehension.
After praying, meditating, discerning and journaling about it, I finally got the courage to say “yes” to my soul’s calling and I have never regretted it. It was one step at a time and God opened the doors as I stepped out in faith and moved forward. It was quite an adventure of letting go, surrendering, trusting and miracles.
I’m so grateful I listened to my heart, because the heart knows what’s best and is always right! The heart knows its true desires and what it wants and needs to be fulfilled. Following your heart is not for the faint of heart. It can be scary. Do you agree?
Can you remember a time when you followed your heart, rather than your head? What happened? Your head may have said things like: “You are crazy. You can’t do that. What are you thinking?”
I worked with a new coaching client this week who didn’t understand how important it was to listen to her heart. She was divorced, but had moved back in with her ex-husband for the past 4 years. She said, “I’m not happy and don’t want to be there, but I’m afraid of hurting him if I leave.” I encouraged her to journal about how she would be hurting herself if she stayed in a situation where she was miserable.
My client said, “I was speaking to my girlfriend about my situation that my head was saying one thing and my heart was saying another thing. I don’t know who I should listen to.”
She was surprised when I encouraged her to listen to her heart. It was clear what her heart wanted, but her mind was telling her the opposite. She didn’t understand that her heart was telling her the truth and that her intuition was guiding her what to do next for her highest good.
* When you follow your heart, you learn to trust your intuition.
* When you trust your intuition, you are more open to following your heart.
* When you follow your heart, you begin to love yourself.
* You start to believe that you are good enough and that everything that has happened to you, positive or negative, has made you the person you are today.
* When you are honest with yourself and willing to ask yourself, what is truly in your heart, you open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities and miracles.
Are you following your heart or are you stuck in fear and listening to your head? I invite you to go within and ask Spirit to help you follow your heart so you can live your purpose, be fulfilled and happy. It’s your birthright to be happy!
I met with my friend, Kerry, this week for tea at Java Coffee Shop. We both arrived on Maui at the same time almost 8 years ago. We have been supporting and encouraging one another ever since, both professionally and personally. She is also from New York, so we had that in common.
One of the ways we support one another is by being accountable to what we say we are going to do. Our check-in every week really has worked and kept us on track and motivated. I know being accountable really works for me.
When I was struggling with writing Simply a Woman of faith, I knew I needed to be accountable. I asked my friend, Joanne, if she would help me and she said, “Yes.” I committed to writing one hour every week and called her on Sunday night to check-in. It was often the day before check- in that I did my writing and it was usually more than one hour once I got started. I don’t think I would have finished my book if I hadn’t made that commitment.
Kerry is working on a new website for her Harmonium business and was feeling stuck. She knew she needed to write every day but was having a hard time following through. I asked, “Would you like to make a commitment to write every day and check-in with me at end of week?” She said, “Yes, that would be very helpful. I will work on my website for 20 minutes every day.”
At the time, I didn’t have anything that I was struggling with that I needed to be accountable for until TODAY.
As I have shared in past blogs, I have been invited to be on staff at the The Sacred Feminine Mystery School. I will be teaching a class on Codependency and leading monthly coaching calls for the women participating in the new 6- month Certification Program starting in November.
I am very excited and honored for this opportunity to share my gifts and work with the women. With that said, the ego VOICES started and they were loud. You know the voices I am talking about? The voice that says, “You are not good enough. What if they don’t like the talk and they are bored. What if they know more than I do?”
I wrote out everything I was saying to myself in my journal and believe me it wasn’t pretty, and more importantly, I realized it was a big LIE.
I then wrote out affirmations to tell myself the truth. I will write affirmations every day and check-in with Kerry every week to be accountable.
I understand that whenever we start something new or are invited to stop playing small and expand, our ego will act out, and sometimes viciously. Can you relate? The important thing is to be aware of whose voice we are listening to. The voice of ego or the voice of Spirit.
As I meditated and prayed, I heard Spirit say:
“Stop listening to the voice of ego and listen to me. Don’t let ego rob you of your peace and what I have called you to do. Stop playing small and rise up into the truth of who you are. Everything you need is inside of you and when I call you to do something, I will equip you with everything you need.”
Is there an area of your life that you feel stuck and want to move forward? Do you beat up on yourself and don’t feel good enough? I encourage you to find someone you trust and can be honest with to be accountable so you can move forward and live the life you are intended to live.
I started the day with a prayer: “As I prepare my heart to celebrate my birthday this week, help me to live in the moment with no expectations from others and the grace to receive all that is mine.”
God danced the day I was born and God danced the day you were born! Today is my birthday and I’m celebrating me and how far I’ve come and what God has done in my life. It’s been a long journey of remembering the truth of who I am and that I am ONE with God and with everyone and everything.
Are you able to celebrate yourself or do you think you are not enough? I am learning to give myself what I need, instead of looking outside for love, praise, validation, approval and value.
It wasn’t always like that though. For many years of my marriage, I felt stressed when my birthday came around. My ex-husband didn’t celebrate birthdays, or at least not mine! He would forget my birthday and I would cry and feel like a victim year after year. He would apologize and promise it wouldn’t happen again – until it happened again the next year.
My core “mother wound” shows up when I perceive I’m being ignored or forgotten, especially with family. As I’ve done my inner work and healed, it has diminished a great deal, but not completely gone. I’m learning to not take things personally and to know what others do or don’t do isn’t about me. They are doing the best they can.
I’m practicing self-responsibility, which means instead of blaming others and feeling resentful when I don’t get what I want, I take responsibility for what I need and want. I buy myself flowers, take myself out to lunch or get a massage.
I have no control over others and how they act, respond or say or do. But I do have control over how I respond and if I allow myself to take things personally and make it about me. That is ego’s playground.
“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman has been very helpful to me in understanding my love language and what I need. They are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Each one is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning your partner’s and your own primary love language will help create a stronger bond in your relationship.
Receiving gifts and cards is my #1 love language so you can understand how painful it was each year to be forgotten by my husband for my birthday. Quality time and affirmations are a close second.
When I was single, I bought myself flowers and a special gift for my birthday. Larry understands and honors my love language and buys me red roses whenever I return home from a trip. I’m so appreciative because he always buys me something special and finds the perfect birthday cards.
Over the years, my children have sent me beautiful, loving and meaningful birthday cards that I’ve saved in a special box. Sending cards is not their love language. They are busy with their lives and don’t always send cards the way they use to.
This is how I’m taking care of myself and being responsible. I found birthday cards from my kids that I’ve saved. I will display them and take the words into my heart. I know this was Spirit’s idea because it feels so good and comforting.
I know this will be a great birthday as I celebrate myself and the love that is within and without. Love is all there is.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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