Are you “plugged into” the Power?
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I recently asked some family members and close friends the question. “Do you see and know your beauty, light, and magnificence?” After a brief pause, almost all of them said, “No, I’m afraid I don’t really.” Some of them said, “I know I “should” see it with all the inner work I’ve done over the years. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t, depending on what’s going on in my life.”
How about you? Are you able to see the essence and truth of who you are as Love and Light? I encourage you to ask yourself the question. “Do I see my inner light, beauty, and magnificence?”
I haven’t seen my light, beauty, and magnificence until NOW. It’s taken me 76 years to come HOME to the truth in my heart that I am LOVE and LIGHT. I don’t know why it has taken me so long, but it has. I’m not even sure HOW it’s happened, except that the veil has been lifted, my eyes and heart have opened and I have awakened to a deeper truth within. I knew in my HEAD that I was LOVE and LIGHT and repeated affirmations, etc., but it hadn’t reached my HEART until NOW.
Over the years many people, even strangers, have approached me and commented that they see my light. Larry sees my light and calls me “Sparkle.” Although it felt good to be complimented, I didn’t believe it and let it into my heart. I knew my struggles, not feeling good enough, comparing myself to others, my triggers, and how my ego reared its head quite often.
For many years, the month of May has been a spiritual month of miracles. I grew up Catholic and Mary was a big part of my life as a young girl until I became a teenager and didn’t want any part of her then. I renewed my relationship with Mary as a young adult and she has been a big part of my life since then.
The month of May has been extraordinary with feeling BIG shifts every day inside of me. The veil has been lifted and I’m remembering the truth that we are all ONE and not separate.
I recently found a letter tucked away in a box that a friend had written to me 43 years ago (May 1980) when I was just 33 years old. It brought tears to my eyes. She saw something in me that I didn’t see or believe in myself. I allowed her words and message to sink deeply into my heart. I wanted to embrace the LIGHT that has been there all along, but I just didn’t see or believe it.
ANGEL OF MERCY
“She came into my life just out of the blue. This angel of mercy sent my way. She taught me to BELIEVE and TRUST in you and she gave me HOPE! Hope in a future full of you Lord. Hope in a life of LOVE. She let your LIGHT shine through to me when your love was all I needed.
She helped me to SEE and LOVE myself and accept who you had made me. Through her LOVE dear Lord, you became so real. I changed before I knew it. She gave me a thirst to BE dear Lord all you created me to BE. To believe during darkness, to believe during despair that you are in charge of all things.
Please bless my friend dear Jesus as she walks along life’s way. Fill her heart with joy, her life with LOVE, and her soul with you. Thank you, Lord, for sending her as an angel to enrich my life. I will never be the same because of her LOVE. Her LOVE for me, but especially because of her LOVE for YOU.”
Spirit guided me to re-read my book, Simply A Woman of Faith which was published 14 years ago. I was blown away as there were so many powerful stories of GOD-INCIDENCES in it. In the last chapter, I wrote, “I know I’m going to meet my soulmate, but I don’t know HOW or WHEN.” The rest is HISTORY! If you haven’t read my book with all the miracle stories to strengthen your faith, I highly recommend you do.
Today, I am “plugged into” the POWER and Presence and know that my LIGHT is shining brightly. I have RECLAIMED the Power, Love, and Presence within. This POWER has never let me down and will never let me down.
It doesn’t matter what you call the POWER. It’s all the same and it is within all of our hearts. Some call the POWER God, Consciousness, Universe, Higher Power, Presence, Source, Spirit, Love, or Light. What do you call the Power within?
You truly are the Light, Love, and magnificence of God. Claim the truth and set yourself FREE. You are an infinite being filled with powerful Infinite energy.
Do you BLAME others for your unhappiness?
Do you BLAME others when you are unhappy, stressed, angry, or unfulfilled? Have you ever blamed someone and said, “You make me so angry?”
Its easier to look at others and what they are doing or not doing (that I think they should be doing) than to look at myself and see how I’m reacting. Can you relate?
When I’m BLAMING another for my unhappiness and wanting things to be different, I’m not accepting “What is” and I’m giving my power away. I don’t have to take responsibility for myself and CHANGE my reactions and what needs to be changed in me when I’m focused on another’s behavior.
The bottom line is that I cannot control or change another person, no matter how hard I try. I was a Master Manipulator to get what I wanted. It only frustrated me, and the other person, and it didn’t work. I didn’t know any better and didn’t have the skills to communicate what I wanted. People change when they want to and are ready. It’s often when things are out of control and painful that change happens.
I stayed in a marriage for 30 years because I didn’t have the courage, self-worth, or strength to leave. I blamed him for his passive aggressive behavior and forgetting important events like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Yes, it was painful and I suffered for years and felt like a “victim.”
When I BLAME others:
- I lose my peace and give my power away
- I don’t take responsibility for myself or my actions and reactions
- I don’t accept “what is”
- I feel and act like a victim – poor me
- I’m unable to see the PERFECTION in everything and everyone
- I want to control others and change them
- I’m judging myself as we are all ONE. You are me & I am you.
I didn’t know I had CHOICES. Rather than blaming another, withdrawing and closing my heart, I could choose and send Love. I could set boundaries, speak up, leave, detach, say no or yes. I could give myself what I needed rather than always feeling like a victim. I could forgive myself and the person who hurt me. I could shine my light and be a vessel of love.
When someone acts unkindly, selfish or withholds their love from me, I believe it is a cry for love and that in the moment they don’t love themselves and are acting out of fear and not from their heart, where there is love and light. The truth is no one can upset me unless I already hold the upset or anger inside of me. They may “trigger it” but it was there to begin with or I would not have felt hurt or insulted.
I’m getting lots of opportunities to practice not being offended and taking things personally. I’m realizing that the other person didn’t mean or intend to hurt me. I’m learning to send love and thank them for triggering me as they are showing me an area that needs my light and love. I was triggered last week and was tempted to blame, rather than look at myself and what was inside.
I shared with one of my children the powerful “egg” experience that I had last week. Their response was not what I expected. I felt triggered, angry, dismissed, and judged. After our phone conversation, I allowed myself to feel my feelings and did the EFT tapping to free myself and let go. I detached and accepted “what is.” It moved through me quickly as I surrendered to the present moment and kept my heart open.
A few days later, I shared another experience with the “egg” with my child and they had the same response. Instead of being triggered and feeling dismissed and angry, I LAUGHED. Spirit showed me my growth and how I had moved through it by doing the inner work and releasing what no longer served me.
It was the same response, but I had changed and healed. I had given myself the love and support I needed, rather than looking outside of myself for affirmation and praise.
Today, I am celebrating and embracing the truth of who I am. I am Divine. I am Love and I am Light. And so are you.
My vibration has been upgraded
My vibration has been “upgraded” and my heart has expanded and opened to receive and give more Love and Light. How good is that!
A couple of years ago, my friend from Colorado told me about the “Harmonic Egg Energy Therapy” (mindandbodyharmonics.com) and how powerful it was for healing. This energy healing therapy utilizes light, color frequency, and vibration to activate the body’s natural healing ability to balance and restore itself. At the time, I didn’t understand it and thought it was “weird.” I didn’t have any interest in checking it out until NOW.
A couple of months ago, a good friend from Maui shared her experience with the egg, which was brought to Maui 6 months ago. She raved about her healing and suggested I give it a try. Although I didn’t feel a great need to have a session, I was curious and decided to give it a try.
I treated myself to a session last week. It was PROFOUND, powerful, and healing. I’m 76 years young and have been on the healing/spiritual journey for many decades. I’m grateful to have experienced many modalities with my history of trauma and abuse. I am where I am and who I am today because I was willing to do the inner work, forgive and connect to my heart.
My intention for the egg session was to raise my vibration and release everything that no longer served me. Between the last Solar Eclipse and the new energies coming into the earth and the egg experience, it feels like I have been “upgraded” to a higher vibration and a new version of myself has arrived. It’s like the veil has been lifted and I’m seeing the truth of who I am as Love and Light.
Here is what happened:
I forgave my father for sexually abusing me 25 years ago. It took 3 years to process the grief and feel all of my feelings. I forgave him so I would be free and could move on in my life. Although I didn’t have any negative energy or resentments in my heart toward him, I never thought about him nor did I ever feel his love and presence. UNTIL NOW.
I didn’t know what to expect, but the “egg” cracked my heart open and expanded my ability to receive and give more love. I didn’t know that I had CLOSED my heart to feel my father’s love. Have you closed your heart to receive Love from a loved one?
Our loved ones who have transitioned and are no longer in a physical body can and do still love us from the other side. We will feel their love if our hearts are open. They can feel our love too. Even though I may not still be in a loved one’s life anymore, love is still present to whomever I have ever loved and whomever has loved me.
As I soon as the door was shut in the egg and the music and light started, I started to cry and had no idea WHY. I could feel the powerful energy as my body tingled and I felt heat.
It was amazing as my “deceased loved ones” showed up to love and support me, especially my father. I was in an altered state and totally relaxed and peaceful. Since the egg experience last week, I have felt his love and presence as never before. Spirit is bringing to mind all that he taught me, which I had totally discounted because of the abuse. I hardly ever remember my dreams, but I dreamt of my father this week and we were celebrating his birthday.
I not only experienced a spiritual healing, but a physical healing as well. I have had a hormonal imbalance for years. After the egg experience, 75% of my symptoms were gone and I’m still integrating this powerful energy healing.
I’m very grateful for all the healing that is available to us if we open our hearts and say YES. My heart continues to expand and grow.
If you live on Maui, and decide to try an egg session, please tell them Pat sent you.
My SUPERPOWER is Gratitude
Whenever Larry shares with others he says, “I wake up every morning with a heartful of gratitude.” Gratitude is my attitude and is my SUPER POWER. Gratitude unlocks daily miracles as I focus on what’s going right in my life and all that I have, rather than on what’s missing or what I think SHOULD or not be happening.
When I’m stressed, fearful, out of balance and not aligned with Spirit, I consciously focus on gratitude. I write as many things down that I can think of that I’m grateful for. It always works and shifts my energy.
One of the spiritual tools I use to clear my own negative energy so I get back in alignment is EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques. I’m an empath and can easily pick up on others energies and not even be aware of what’s going on.
Having a history of childhood trauma and abuse, I’ve experienced “flashbacks” often. It wasn’t safe to feel my feelings so I pushed them down into my subconscious until I was ready to feel and release all that no longer served me. It’s really scary to disassociate and be out of touch with reality.
I’m grateful that this week I experienced “flashbacks” that weren’t scary, but loving, comforting, and empowering. It felt like I walked down “memory lane” as Spirit brought to mind all the people that have loved me on my journey, both deceased and still alive. Our loved ones who have transitioned can still feel our love and we can feel theirs if we are open.
It was incredibly powerful to acknowledge each person that loved me, especially in time of great need and suffering. I telepathically thanked each one for coming into my life and loving me the way they did.
Here is an example of what happened 44 years ago when our 4th child was about to be born. We had just opened the only Christian bookstore in the area and we didn’t have the money to pay for health insurance. We trusted God would provide and knew they couldn’t keep me in the hospital forever because we didn’t have the money to pay the bill.
We belonged to a prayer group and the people were very supportive and loving. About a month before our son was born, some friends came to us and said, “God wants us to pay your hospital bill.” Of course, we were filled with gratitude to experience LOVE in action.
It was a difficult time financially starting a new business and having 4 children to provide for. A woman from the prayer group called and invited us to her country club for dinner with her husband. We were thrilled since we hadn’t been out to dinner in a long time.
We had a delicious dinner and sat at the bar with them for an after-dinner drink. The woman turned to me and said, “Is there anything you need?” It took desperation to blurt out, “We don’t have the money to pay our mortgage this month.”
She immediately said, “I will discuss it with my husband and get back to you tomorrow.” The next day, we received a check for the mortgage. It takes courage to ask for help and humbly receive it.
I’ve lived on Maui for 11 years and have experienced so much love from others in my times of need. I was alone and “homeless” for a month. One door was closed and I was waiting for the next door to open. My faith was definitely tested because I didn’t know where I was going to live as the condo I was renting was being renovated and I had to vacate.
A friend offered to store all of my “stuff” in her second bedroom until I found my next home. It was filled to the brim with furniture and all of the possessions that I owned.
Another friend invited me to stay in her vacation rental for free as she had to leave a week early to go home. A couple that I barely knew invited me to stay with them for 3 weeks until I found a place to live. Again, Love in action.
When I moved into my present home, it was furnished and I didn’t know what I was going to do with all of my “stuff.” I received a call from a friend asking for help. Her friend had just been accepted into elderly housing and she needed everything. God’s timing is perfect. I was thrilled to give her everything that she needed.
I’m connected to everyone that I have ever loved and who has ever loved me. How comforting it is to know that We are all ONE and not separate. There is a “Divine Director” guiding and providing for everything that we need.
Are you a perfectionist?
For as long as I can remember I have prayed for peace in my daily meditation. I have read that the new WEALTH is PEACE and it is within. I am peaceful, happy, joyful, contented, and grateful today. I “show up” every day and do the best I can. I go within and listen to the voice of Spirit. I know I’m evolving and directed every step of the way.
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a “Love bubble.” I strive to not allow what’s going on in the world to affect me. I could easily be concerned and worried about things I can’t control, get sucked in, and lose my peace of mind. I stand guard over my heart and mind and don’t allow what I cannot control to rob me of my peace. I lose my peace when I look to another for my security because I make them the authority in my life.
All I can control and am responsible for is myself, my thoughts, and my reactions to others. I’m not responsible for the world or my adult children and their destinies. I’m available to my family and friends if they need and want my help. I no longer believe that I know what’s best for them and tell them what to do or not do. I respect their decisions, even if I disagree with them. I believe we are all doing the best we can in the moment.
One of the ways I lose my peace and give my power away is by believing that I need to BE and DO things perfectly so I will be loved. This dysfunctional behavior is often unconscious and was a coping mechanism that helped me survive from the trauma I experienced as a young girl.
As a perfectionist, I was driven by fear and had high standards and unrealistic goals for myself. I was critical of myself and defensive when I felt judged.
Here are some signs you may be a perfectionist:
* You have a difficult time accepting being “second best”
* You sacrifice your well-being to make something perfect
* You believe that there is a “right” and “wrong” way to do things
* You don’t accept in-betweens. Everything is either perfect or it is a failure
* You are highly critical of your mistakes and obsess about previous mistakes
* You become defensive if anyone points out your mistakes
* You are a “people pleaser”
* You are judgmental of yourself and of others
* You continue working on a project long past when it was complete
* You feel relieved when someone else fails because it makes you look good
* You think asking for help is a sign of weakness
* You need to be in control
Here is how my perfectionism showed up this week:
I was struggling with a distorted body image (even though I am at my ideal weight) and believing that I needed to have a perfect body. I journaled and asked Spirit:
* Why am I so attached and concerned about my belly?
* Why do I think I need to look perfect?
* Why do I think I will be loved more with a flat belly?
* Do I think others will love me more if I have a perfect body?
* How do I love and honor this part of my body that I have hated forever?
Is there a part of your body that you judge and hate because it isn’t perfect?
Message from Spirit: “You are invited to choose love and to let go of your distorted body image that needs to be perfect to feel loved. It’s an old story that you have believed for eons. It’s not true. You are Love. You are Light. Stop judging yourself and start loving your body as it is. Detach from the story of needing to be perfect to feel love. I want to heal you and all women who struggle with negative/distorted images of their bodies. It is time to set yourself free and live in my love and light. Love your belly and imagine it as expanding your capacity to give and receive love.
That afternoon, I visited a close friend. Although I felt some embarrassment that I was still struggling with negative body image, I shared my struggle with my belly and the message from Spirit. She jumped up and showed me her belly. We laughed as we shared our belly stories and how ridiculous they were. I know I am not my body. I live in a body, but I’m not my body.
We both agreed that it is time to stop judging our bodies. We liked the idea that it is our expanding capacity to give and receive love.
I reached out for help because I was desperate
What I thought was the worst thing that could have happened to my family many years ago turned out to be the greatest “growth gift” ever. As you look back at your life, has that ever happened to you? You may have lost a job, got a divorce or had health issues and you thought your life was over.
My ex-husband was out of work for a year and we had 4 children under the age of 10. Although we were always provided for, it was scary and traumatic as we had to apply for welfare and food stamps.
It was suggested that my husband seek therapy to find out why he couldn’t find employment, which out of desperation, he agreed to do. During the first session, the therapist recommended he attend ACOA meetings (Adult Child of Alcoholic- 12 step program).
Although my husband decided not to attend the groups, I thought, “I came from an alcoholic home, maybe I should try a meeting.” It took great courage to walk into the meeting alone. As I looked around the room at the faces of the people, it was clear that they had something that I didn’t have. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I wanted it. I know today, it was PEACE.
They had a “laundry list” of characteristics to identify with if you came from a dysfunctional home. At that time, I related to one or two of them. As I continued to attend weekly meetings, I was able to identify with almost all of them. It was like the veil was lifted from my eyes and I was able to see the truth. I slowly began to change and take responsibility for my behaviors, feelings, and reactions.
I wonder why it often takes suffering, pain and desperation to reach out for help? Do we see ourselves as weak if we ask for help? Do we think we are meant to walk this journey alone?
I attended meetings for 10 years, as well as counseling to heal my past. I learned how to love myself, set boundaries, and ask for what I wanted and needed. I am forever grateful for the program that I still practice and live today.
I knew about Al-Anon, but didn’t think I needed it, UNTIL I DID. Again, Spirit got my attention during another very difficult time in my life. I had just received some devastating news about a family member who had become addicted to drugs. I was beside myself and full of fear, anger, and confusion. I took a walk in my neighborhood and became so disoriented that I couldn’t find my way home.
I knew I was in trouble and needed HELP. I attended my first Al-Anon meeting that week. It saved my life! I learned the 3 C’s – I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Control it, and I can’t Cure it.
I learned so much about myself and how to live my life fully. I learned that I am worthy and deserving of happiness, peace, joy, and abundance. As I got healthier, I started to speak up, confront and not tolerate abuse. At the age of 52 after 30 years of marriage, I asked for a divorce. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to be 70 years old and in a marriage that I wasn’t happy and fulfilled.”
It took another act of courage, trust, compassion for myself to leave my marriage and start anew. I know that if I hadn’t asked for help and sought out counseling and support groups, I wouldn’t be living my dream life on Maui with a husband that loves, supports and sees me.
Again, what looked like a disaster 40 years ago with my husband being out of work and being on welfare and food stamps, turned out to be the greatest GIFT of finding and loving myself.
What are you struggling with today? Are you afraid to ask for help? I believe it is a strength to know you need help, not a weakness.
Today, I know the truth of who I am as a child of the Universe. I am ONE with God. I am love, I am light, I am peace. I am home. All is in perfect and right order and there are no mistakes or accidents. The truth has set me FREE to BE and fly. I am where I am meant to be as Spirit is operating my life, as well as living, loving, guiding, and speaking me.
Do I forget the truth of who I am sometimes? Yes, but I’m able to get back on track quickly by going within to my heart and asking Spirit for help.
How I learned how to RELAX
I have a couple of RELAX signs around our house to remind me to RELAX. I need reminders because so much of my life I rushed around and stayed busy. I needed to learn how to RELAX. I prided myself when I felt productive and crossed off things on my endless lists. I put things off that I enjoyed until I finished my to-do list, and never got around to the fun stuff because there was always something on the list.
My rushing and staying busy was like a drug addiction. It was a dysfunctional pattern, a behavior, and a way of life to avoid going within to feel my feelings. For many years, I loved being busy. It was not only staying busy and rushing, but I competed, controlled and compared myself to others to avoid my feelings. I either felt “better than or less than.” Can you relate?
Today, my body abhors being busy and rushing. I RELAX without feeling guilty, which is a miracle. Can you even imagine relaxing without feeling guilty? I crave QUIET and being in the present moment through meditation and prayer. It is where I find peace and love.
If you have unresolved trauma, resentments or unforgiveness in your heart, it’s almost impossible to relax and feel peaceful. There will always be something you need or “should” be doing, rather than relaxing, feeling happy, and enjoying your life.
Some people use drugs and alcohol to medicate their feelings. Others are addicted to gambling, shopping, eating, working, and codependency (focusing on others at the expense of themselves.)
I had no idea why I ran from myself and my feelings for years. I didn’t want to feel the shame, guilt, fear, inadequacy, self-hatred, not good enough, or worthy and deserving to receive love that was hidden in my unconscious.
On the outside, I looked really good! Nobody would have known how I struggled on the inside. I was productive, successful, had lots of friends, and I was busy. And yet there was an emptiness that wouldn’t go away, no matter what I did, it was never enough.
When I moved to Maui 11 years ago, it was my plan to continue what I had been doing in Rhode Island: coaching, speaking, running groups and retreats for women. God had other plans. I was only on Maui for a couple of weeks when I heard Spirit say, “I want you to learn how to BE.” I was surprised because I thought I knew how to BE. I now understand my life was out of balance. I was a DOER and had to learn how to BE. We need both the DOING and BEING energies to live a peaceful, passionate, purposeful life that is our birthright.
By the grace of God, I listened to Spirit and stopped DOING and learned how to BE. I didn’t lead groups, coach or do speaking engagements. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I came to enjoy it and felt pleasure like never before. It was fun as I listened to my intuition as to what Spirit wanted me to do each day. Today, I’m not afraid to be alone. I enjoy my own company, and am my own best friend. My friend commented, “Pat you go from pleasure to pleasure.”
DOING is when we are living in our heads, thinking about the past, present, future, making plan and completing tasks. Both are necessary at different times in our lives.
BEING is about living in the present moment the NOW which is all that is REAL. Unfortunately, we have been taught that DOING is more important that BEING. Therefore, many of us spend too much time in DOING and very little time appreciating the present moment. Where do you spend most of your time?
DOING behaviors: (left brain and Masculine) *Judging *Planning *Problem-solving *Logica *Rational *Analytical *Multi-tasking *Executing *Manipulating *Obsessing *Ruminating *Seeking *Over-thinking *fixing *Searching *Striving
BEING behaviors: (right brain and Feminine) *Awareness *Noticing *Observing *Exploring *Acceptance *Allowing *Intuitive *Creative *Open-minded *Detached from outcome *Surrendered *Heart-centered *Unity *Letting go *Mindfulness *Waiting *Receiving * Resting *Trusting *Receiving
As I learned and practiced BEING present to myself and my feelings by daily “showing up,” I became more present to my family and friends as never before. I couldn’t be present to the ones I loved most, if I wasn’t able to be present to myself. My relationships with my children and family have evolved and transformed. Today, I strive to be conscious and live a balanced life DOING & BEING.
How I learned to TRUST myself
My journey of faith for the last 50 years has always been and always will be about TRUST. Trust in a Power greater than myself to lead, guide, protect, support, direct, and keep me safe. I can relax, have fun, go with the flow, and enjoy my life in peace when I TRUST. I have learned to relinquish my need to control as it’s impossible to TRUST and control at the same time.
Like most of us on the spiritual journey, I have had many opportunities to TRUST, even though at times, I felt afraid, lost, angry, abandoned, and alone. As I look back on my life, I realize that it has ALWAYS worked out for my highest good.
Many of us weren’t taught to trust in ourselves or a Power greater than ourselves. Learning to trust myself takes practice. It is not only a commitment and a process, but a profound act of self-love. Trusting in myself and a Higher Power is a choice and a decision that I make every day, no matter what is happening on the outside or in the world.
Self-trust develops when I learn to value, appreciate, believe, honor, and love myself. It’s knowing that I can co-create with the Divine Intelligence within me. I believe that I am a Divine being destined to live in peace, joy, love, and happiness.
Self-trust is about listening and following God’s small, still voice within. It’s being connected to our heart and intuition. The more I trust myself, the more I hear my inner voice, which I choose to call God. God is our essence, energy, and presence, and not a person. God is not in the sky punishing me, but within my very being. I AM the essence of what God is. God is Love and Light and so are you.
When I trust God, I know that everything is as it needs to be and that whatever happens is required for my growth and evolution and is perfect for everyone involved. I have surrendered the outcome and ACCEPT “what is” knowing all is in perfect timing and divine order.
Of course, it’s easier to TRUST when everything is going smoothly in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. It’s much harder when we see loved ones suffer and have no control to help or fix them. It is in this place that our TRUST muscles grow or NOT. We can become BITTER and angry or we can choose to TRUST and become BETTER and find the peace within. Trials can help us grow our TRUST muscles.
Here is an example that happened over 25 years ago.
I was recently divorced after 30 years of marriage. It was my first time living on my own and providing for myself. I was trying to navigate being “single” and making decisions about the future of my life. It was not easy as I had to TRUST that I would be ok and that I could make it on my own.
At the same time as the divorce, I had applied for a job as an Alcohol and Drug Therapist at the VA hospital in Rhode Island. There were hundreds of applicants as it was a good-paying job and sought after by many.
I don’t know how, but there was a deep KNOWING and TRUST that the job was mine. After the initial interviews, I waited for weeks to hear from them and was elated when I received a verbal offer and a start date that the job was mine as soon as the paperwork was completed.
I gave my 2 weeks’ notice at the agency I had worked for several years. A week before the proposed start date, I received a call from the Personnel Department at the VA stating there was a problem that needed to be worked on.
They assured me that they wanted to hire me, but they had just received an application from a veteran applying for the job. Veterans had to be given preference if they qualified for the position.
I initially went into a tailspin, scared to death and in shock. I was recently divorced, had no income, and had no job. I had a choice, either live in fear and be angry or TRUST and accept that it would all work out.
It seemed like forever for them to get back to me. I prayed, let go, TRUSTED, surrendered, and waited. It was such a relief when they called and offered me the job.
Because of my journey of faith and living in TRUST for many years, I have experienced many miracles and answered prayers. My Divine self, my soul, is EXPANDING and embracing my inner authority and sovereignty. I am ready to own my worth and power. How about you?
I teach people how to treat me
It’s easy to blame someone else for our unhappiness, our feelings, or the situation we are currently faced with. Have you ever said, “They make me so angry? If only they would change and stop doing what they are doing, I would be fine.”
We get triggered by others’ actions and we often react negatively. I have learned that triggers are about ME and what is not healed inside of me. Triggers are an invitation to love and heal myself, rather than focus on what someone did or didn’t do to hurt or offend us.
· Whenever I think, something was done to me by someone else, I am living in victim consciousness.
· When I blame, judge, hold grudges and resentments for what was done to me, I am living in victim consciousness.
· When I complain about what’s going on and ask WHY or HOW something happened, I am in victim consciousness.
I lived in victim consciousness for years and didn’t even know it. I gave my power away by not speaking up, setting boundaries, saying no and not communicating my needs to my partner. I expected him to read my mind in what I needed, rather than to speak up and ask.
I believed that it was more important for “others” to love me than for me to love, appreciate, and honor myself. I realized today that it was backward. I need to love myself first before I can truly love another. Can you relate?
I have learned that we teach people how to treat us. If I don’t love and believe in myself, I will allow others to treat me poorly, take advantage of me and abuse me. Then I blame and get angry at them, rather than look at myself and what needs to change in me so I can value and love myself.
Rather than living in victim consciousness and the lies that we are separate from one another, I am celebrating my freedom, as I set myself free from the bondage and false beliefs that were unconscious. Today, I live in peace, love, harmony, and joy, knowing all is well and perfectly planned in the mind of God.
The Course in Miracles which I love, teaches that I chose my lessons and experiences before I came into form for my soul to grow and evolve. This means I chose my parents, siblings, spouse, and all the experiences I have experienced so far in my life. If I believe that I chose everything and it is part of God’s plan, why would I be angry and resentful when things don’t go the way I want them to go?
It’s because I’m human and I have forgotten the truth of who I am. I want what I want when I want it. I want to control people, places, and things because I think I know better and want to be right. When I become AWARE that I’m in victim consciousness and my thinking is like a blender that won’t shut off, I practice bringing myself back to the PRESENT MOMENT. The past is gone and the future is not here with all the “what ifs” that may never happen.
I put my hand on my heart and say, “Come home Queenie Patricia.” I say it repeatedly until I feel peaceful.
For example: I had a conversation with one of my sons this week. During our chat, I shared how peaceful and happy I am in my life. When I got off the phone, I started to obsess and said to myself, “You just shared that with him the week before. You are repeating yourself and you need to apologize.”
My thinking was off and my ego was trying to rob me of my peace. My ego is vicious and doesn’t want me to feel peaceful. It will whisper in my ear that I’m not enough, wrong, will never make it, not safe, broken, inadequate, etc.
When I became aware that it was my ego, I stopped myself and put my hand on my heart and simply said, “Come home Queenie Patricia.” It was amazing as my peace came back and the obsessing was gone. I called my son and shared how my ego was acting up after our conversation. He thanked me and said, “Good catch mom.”
The journey back home to myself is about “awakening” to the truth of who I am as Love and Light and a child of the Divine. It’s to know I am ONE with God, my essence. Awakening is not for the faint of heart. It takes commitment and a willingness to do the inner work of forgiveness and letting go of what no longer serves me. Living in the PRESENT MOMENT is the greatest gift that I have given myself. I feel peaceful and at home. It is where Love lives.
I waited and trusted!
When Larry and I became a couple, he made it clear that he didn’t want to get married again. He had been married twice for almost 40 years and that was enough. We loved one another and were committed to each other. He bought me a ring and we had a commitment ceremony on our lanai overlooking the ocean.
I waited, trusted, surrendered, loved, detached, and prayed as the desire of my heart was to be married. I had to let go and let God and not push, nag, or try to control. Not easy for someone who liked being in control.
It worked! We will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary in May. This past weekend we were with friends who will be celebrating 40 years of marriage. Larry shared, “I didn’t want to get married again because I didn’t want to feel responsible or take care of a woman. I value and respect a woman who is her own person and not needy.”
There was a time many years ago that I was dependent and very NEEDY on my husband. I expected him to take care of me, especially financially.
My family belonged to a Christian community for many years and I adhered to the teachings that husbands are the head of the household and women were submissive. The husband knew what was best for the family as he had a direct line to God. I followed it hook, line, and sinker. I was obedient and kept my mouth shut, thinking it was what Spirit wanted me to do. I willingly gave my power away believing my husband knew what was best for me. I didn’t have a VOICE.
It took years of “debriefing” to set myself free to believe and trust in myself. I went into therapy and attended workshops and retreats. I slowly recovered and went back to college. I dropped out of college in my junior year for a year because I was riddled with fear and didn’t think I could write a 20-page paper.
Thankfully, with the grace of God, I had the courage to face my fears and returned to school. It was a proud moment when I walked across the stage to receive my Bachelor’s degree. A few years later, I received my Master’s degree and became a Licensed Alcohol and Drug therapist.
I kept taking baby steps and GIANT steps (moving to Maui by myself) as I was committed to growing and evolving and being the woman I was meant to be. I don’t regret anything that happened in my life as I know we were all doing the best we could. I became my own best friend and stopped looking outside of myself for someone to save me or tell me what to do. I learned to love and cherish myself, as well as to communicate, speak up, set boundaries, and ask for what I wanted.
I was given the opportunity to speak up to a friend and use my voice a couple of weeks ago. I must admit it wasn’t easy. I prayed and asked Spirit for courage and help. Here is what happened:
I have a close friend who tends to go into details in our conversations. I sometimes felt frustrated, overwhelmed, and drained when I got off the phone. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to hurt her (and I didn’t know how to say it!)
I prayed and asked Spirit for help as I didn’t want to lose her as a friend. Spirit put it on my heart to limit our conversations to 30 minutes. I thought this would solve the problem of her going into details, without me having to tell her.
Although she honored my boundary of 30-minute conversations, she said she felt frustrated with not having enough time to share what was going on with her. I understood completely.
It was time for me to be truthful and trust the relationship was solid enough, to be honest, and real. I sent her a loving email sharing my overwhelm and frustration with her need to go into details. She immediately responded thanking me for my honesty and her desire to change this about herself in our relationships and all of her relationships.
I felt grateful for her willingness to hear me and her desire to change. Our next phone conversation flowed with ease and grace and we both felt heard and understood. We agreed that if she started to go into details, I would simply say TMI (too much information.)
Conscious relationships, whether that be with family, friends, co-workers, or spouses are not always easy as we are all wounded in some way or another. They require patience, love, honesty, courage, and vulnerability.
How about you? Is there someone in your life that you are afraid to be honest and real with? I encourage you to trust Spirit and speak up and use your voice.
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