I arrived home safely from my 2- week vacation with family. I love going away and I love coming home because there is no place like home. There were 18 red roses waiting for me when I walked into the house from my beloved. I think he missed me, as I missed his loving presence and love.
As I walked through the airport on my way home, I thought about the thousands of travelers who travel daily and get on planes. They ultimately feel safe and put their trust in the pilot to get them to their prospective destinations.
I then thought, “Do we trust a HIGHER POWER to take care of us and protect us as much as we trust a pilot to get us to where we want to go in life or do we obsess or worry and live in fear?
As I was sitting and waiting for the plane to board, right in front of me was a flashing ad with several sayings on the TV for Bank of America. The first ad said, “What would you like the POWER to do?” Of course, they weren’t referring to a HIGHER POWER or God or Source.
I asked myself, “What would I like the POWER to do?” I encourage you to ask, “What would you like the POWER to do?” If we don’t know what we want the POWER to do, we won’t ask and we won’t receive. We may be feeling frustrated with where we are in life, confused, stuck or unfulfilled in a relationship or job. The truth is we are not living our dream.
It is important to know what we want so we can ask the POWER greater than ourselves for assistance. I kept saying to my friend, Donna, while on vacation, “I don’t know what I want to do and I’m waiting for my next orders.” I wasn’t stressed about it, but felt peaceful that I would figure out what I wanted in time and that I didn’t have to push or make anything happen.
As I spent quiet time going within and meditating. I asked myself, “What do I want to do and what does Spirit want?” It became clear that Spirit was calling me to share my gifts as a Spiritual Life Coach again. I felt excited because I am living the life of my dreams (as many of you desire to do too) and want to help YOU to do the same.
I could hardly believe how things started to shift almost miraculously and organically as I became clear as to what I wanted to do. Within an hour, my prayer was answered as my first coaching client appeared and asked me to be her Spiritual Life Coach.
The next few ads that flashed on the TV screen about the POWER were:
“The POWER to know everything is OK”
“The POWER to live in the moment”
Here are a few of my own:
“The POWER to know everything is perfect and in divine timing”
“The POWER to experience self-care & self-love as a spiritual practice”
The POWER to awaken, expand and be inspired”
“The POWER to know we are all connected and ONE”
“The POWER to trust, surrender and let go”
“The POWER to know I AM ENOUGH and deserve my highest good”
“The POWER to know there is only LOVE”
We all have the same POWER within us to guide and protect us. We just need to consciously connect with our HIGHER POWER or Source on a daily basis.
If you need help connecting to the spiritual POWER within and you want to align with your soul’s purpose and make an impact in the world and you want to receive the abundance you deserve, I am here to serve you. If you’ve been on the spiritual and personal growth path for years and you want to move forward in your life, please contact me and we can discuss your needs.
I encourage you to ask yourself, “What is holding me back from having the intimate relationship I desire and the life I deserve?
Is it not TIME to know the truth of who you are and the POWER within? If not now, WHEN?
We all want to be seen, heard, appreciated and loved. Would you agree? It feels good when someone really listens and hears me, without trying to fix, control, give advice or change me. They listen with their heart, rather than with their head and it feels very different. It feels good when someone takes the time to see who I truly am and what I’m experiencing. If you have someone in your life who sees, hears, appreciates and loves you, be grateful for you are blessed.
Whenever Larry goes to the market, a restaurant or to the bank and the person is wearing a name tag, he always greets them using their name. It’s a way of seeing someone and appreciating them, even or especially when doing a service job. It’s such a small act of love and kindness, but it goes a long way and sometimes makes the person’s day to feel valued and recognized. I practice this now too and it feels good.
When Larry and I go to a restaurant, we often converse with the wait staff and somehow the conversation leads to the importance of gratitude and the power of love in our lives. We often leave hugging one another.
Gladys was our waitress at Café Ole when we went for breakfast on Sunday. I complimented her on her beautiful smile. I often compliment others when I see something I like; something they are wearing or their beautiful eyes or their smile. This is my way of showing kindness and appreciating what I see in others.
I keep small inspirational cards with me in my purse. When Spirit leads me, I give a card to someone or leave one at the table when I leave for the next person to find. I was led to randomly pick one for Gladys. It was, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, AND YOU WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE.
When I handed it to her, her whole face lit up and she said, “Thank you, I really needed this today. I’m going to put this where I can see it every day. This will really help me and you made my day. I’m just getting into real estate and I’m struggling with not feeling good enough.” Of course, we were all smiling and hugged one another when we left the restaurant.
A few days later, I was reading over my journal for the past month and came across a dream that I had. I was screaming “I AM ENOUGH.” I am not good enough is a core belief that we all struggle with to some degree. This belief was coming to the light to be released and healed.
The spiritual journey is about remembering who I am and that I am ONE with GOD. I am LOVE and I am connected to my source. Everything is perfect NOW and has already been planned in the mind of God. I don’t have to push, strive, worry, be better or smarter than or try to earn it. I can enjoy the journey, relax and live in peace.
If only it were that easy!!! We forget constantly who we are and that we are not alone. Our ego wants to rob us of our peace and the truth of our magnificence and that we are ONE with GOD.
“Know that whenever you feel good about yourself and your magnificence, ego will try to rob you. You must SPOT IT and then let it go. Stay in the truth of who you are and the loving being that you are. I am in charge of your life. Switch your focus from problems to my presence and keep choosing love.”
I encourage and support you to remember who you are and that you are good enough. You are LOVE and you are loved.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, & YOU WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE
I love “synchronicities” and how Spirit always leads me when I listen to my intuition and follow it. I was led to do a “Pat day” as I refer to them, and took an early ferry to our neighboring island, called Lanai. I love being on the ferry as it touches my soul when I gaze into the beautiful blue ocean and just breathe.
We stood next to each other as we waited to get on the ferry and I started a conversation with Mellissa, which is so easy to do on Maui. She shared she was a traveling CNA and on her way to Lanai to get a drug screen and check out housing in the area. It was quite fascinating as she shared her journey of the last 2 years and all the places she’s traveled to. What an adventure, I thought.
I couldn’t help but notice the tattoos she had on both of her arms and asked if I could see them. There were beautiful flowers and symbols and a compass with the words underneath, “Lord, lead me.” Under that were the words, “My next will be braver than my now. My faith is stronger than my fear.”
Of course, that was my opening to share that I wrote a book called, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I shared with her my story and how I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I told her about meeting Ellen in Rhode Island and being invited to stay with her in her condo overlooking the ocean.
We sat next to each other when we got on the ferry and continued our conversation. She shared more about how this job offer on Lanai just opened up the day before. It was her plan to go back to W. Virginia to visit family and she had just mailed all of her belongings a few days ago. God had other plans and she was following her heart. Within a couple of days after the offer, she had housing with a car included.
As I listened to Melissa and her trust in following God’s plan, something stirred inside of me. I looked at her and said, “I love your adventurous spirit.” She smiled and her face lit up. I then realized that I have the same adventurous spirit. I said, “You know what we see in others is in us, and I also have an adventurous spirit.” She smiled and said, “I was thinking the same thing, but didn’t want to sound weird.” We both laughed and I said, “We are both weird.” We knew meeting one another wasn’t an accident and it was meant to be. She invited me to stay with her in her new home when she moves in next month, which I will happily do.
After the intense year of traveling, retreats, graduating from the 6 months Sacred Feminine Mystery School and my own deep sexual healing, it is time to rest and integrate it all. Even though I am grateful for this rest period (which is so needed), it feels like I am in limbo and waiting for orders for my next assignment. There was so much expansion and growth and now it is time to contract and BE.
Because of this resting place, if you will, I didn’t see myself as having an “adventurous spirit.” I asked myself, “Why did I see it so clearly in her and didn’t recognize it in myself?” I needed to meet Melissa to remember and ACTIVATE my adventurous spirit.
I haven’t traveled all over the world (YET), but I have followed my heart and faced my fears in so many areas: going back to school in my forties, dropping out of school for 1 year because I didn’t think I could write a paper, writing a book, getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage and moving to Maui and leaving family, friends and community.
I’m not sure what Spirit is saying to me other than it’s not over yet baby and there is so much more adventure in you. I’m ready and willing to be guided. Show me the way Spirit. I say YES to the next adventure, whatever that is.
Melissa sent me a text the next day and said, “Small amount of time packed with adventure and aloha. I thanked God for you multiple times as you said many words I needed to hear and they put my wandering thoughts into place. I know we will see each other in the near future.”
It is my belief that living in the present moment is key to my peace of mind and spiritual health. Sometimes my mind is like a blender, jumping into the past or into the future. We are in trouble when we are in the “What ifs.”
For example: WHAT IF: I run out of money; I don’t have enough energy to do what I want to do; I don’t meet my soulmate; I don’t get clients; my health declines; I don’t have a place to live; I make a mistake; I lose my job; my business fails or my marriage fails. The list goes on and on. What are the “What ifs” in your life?
The key for me is to become AWARE when I’m NOT living in the present moment. I may notice tension in my body, irritability or fear in my gut. I lose my peace when I’m trying to figure things out, want to be right or trying to control an outcome or a person, place or thing.
It’s easy and common to lose our peace when we are in the “hallway” and don’t know the future and how things are going to work out, whether that be in business, health, financial or relationships. It’s in these “hallway” experiences (and I have had a lot of them) that my faith muscles grow stronger.
I am given the opportunity to trust and surrender to “what is.” I can CHOOSE to *complain, *bang on the door, *cry, * plead or I can CHOOSE to wait patiently for the next door to open or for guidance on what I am to do or know next. I can CHOOSE to trust God’s perfect timing. It is always my CHOICE!
I’ve had some health challenges (opportunities) for the past couple of months that have been scary, confusing and frustrating. Sometimes, it feels like I’m going down a rabbit’s hole trying to figure out what’s wrong and what to do next. I read one book and it says to do this to heal my body and another book says to do the direct opposite. I will continue to pursue my healing, knowing Spirit is guiding me. Who do I listen to?
• I’m listening to my body and what it needs and doesn’t need.
• I’m allowing myself to feel all of my feelings including frustration, anger, fear, disappointment, sadness.
• I’m CHOOSING LOVE.
• I’m staying positive and grateful for what I have and not what’s missing.
• I’m trusting Spirit to show me the next right step.
• I know that EVERYTHING has a purpose and is for my highest good.
• I’m practicing living in the moment because that is all there is and that is where God is.
• I’m trusting my intuition.
• I’m praying, meditating, being patient, letting go and surrendering.
Instead of all the “What ifs” which is often motivated by fear about the past or future, I am living in the present moment and “ACTING AS IF.” Acting as if means that if I want something, I must act as if I already have it in order to get it.
If I want to be healthy, I must act as if I am already healthy. If I want new friends, I must act as if I already have friends. If I want more money, I must act as if I have money, rather than come from a place of lack. The key is a willingness to look BEYOND my current reality, knowing that it can and will change.
I am healthy and whole, I am guided, I am protected, I am loved. My affirmation is: “Everything is flowing with peace, ease and grace and I have all the energy I need to do what I want to do.”
I love this season of my life where I do what I want, when I want and with whomever I want. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I check in with myself and ask Spirit to guide me as to what I am to do next or who I am to be with. Sometimes I take a walk early in the morning and sometimes at sunset on the beach.
Years ago, I remember a quote that spoke to my heart. “When you learn to trust yourself, you will know how to live.” It has taken me many years of hard work to trust myself and release old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me. I try to live in the moment and let go of the past and future. It’s not always easy, but I strive for it.
Of course, while I was raising a family and holding a full- time job. I had to do things I didn’t want to do, whether it was convenient or not. I didn’t have a choice when I had to nurse a baby in the middle of the night or get up with a sick child. I loved being a mother and don’t regret a minute of all that I did.
I didn’t know then what I know now about the importance of loving and appreciating myself, self-care and taking sacred time for myself. I had it backwards. I had to take care of everyone else first (including my ex-husband and children who were old enough to take care of themselves) before I did anything for myself. I said yes when I meant no and then felt resentful when I was exhausted. I’m grateful for all I have learned and continue to learn.
Being in a relationship and married now, I know it isn’t all about me and what I need and want. Larry and I work beautifully together to make our relationship harmonious. We listen to each other and negotiate our needs for the good of the relationship. We rarely question what the other is doing or not doing. We may suggest something to the other and then let it go if the other isn’t interested. Instead of being codependent or dependent, we are interdependent.
It’s interesting what happened this week when Larry was triggered by something I said. I went into the TV room and said, “I love how we respect one another’s decisions to do whatever we want to do for ourselves. I feel the freedom to do what I need to do for myself and think you do too.”
The Universe definitely set this up for us to communicate with one another. He looked at me and said, “I would appreciate it if you didn’t question me about when I have my breakfast.” I had no idea what he was talking about and asked him to explain.
Larry works on the computer in the morning and usually eats his breakfast about 11:00 am. That morning he came into the kitchen at 9:00 am and said, “I’m hungry and going to have my breakfast now. I was surprised and innocently said, “It’s only 9:00 am, you don’t ever have your breakfast at 9:00 am.” I had no intention of telling him what to do or what not to do. It was just a comment.
Larry then explained to me that he felt judged and like he was doing something wrong when I made the comment. We both realized he was being triggered by an old belief that no longer served him. His old belief was that he couldn’t relax until he was productive and finished his work.
I could certainly relate to that belief in my own life. If I didn’t check off things on my to-do list, I felt guilty that I didn’t do enough. It was hard to relax and do nothing if I wasn’t productive first.
We were both grateful that we recognized this old belief that keeps us from doing what we want when we want to do it. Communication, respect, trust, honesty and vulnerability with one another are key components of a healthy relationship.
As I look back on my life, I know that Spirit has guided me every step of the way, although it may not have felt that way when I was going through a difficult time.
Was it being in the right place at the right time? Was it through a closed door only to find out later it was for my highest good? Was it following my intuition? Was it giving a talk and a woman inviting me to come to Maui?
I often wonder, “How did I get here living on Maui?” I got here because I kept saying YES and trusting I was being guided. It was not easy leaving my family and friends and community 7 years ago to follow my heart and move to Maui.
I chose to TRUST myself and God that I would be provided for and kept safe. If I had not faced my fears and believed in myself, I would not be living my dream. I am so grateful for the grace and courage it took to step out in faith and follow my heart. How about you? Are you living your dream? Do you trust yourself that you are being guided?
One of the ways I am guided is through listening and trusting my feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. There were many years that I didn’t have a “feeling language” and didn’t know how or what I felt. I would ask others, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?”
Today, I know what I’m feeling and am able to express my feelings in a healthy way. I pay attention to what I’m feeling and trust my feelings are there to guide me. If my feelings appear jumbled, I take the time to journal and go within to feel. It is my belief that I can’t heal what I can’t feel. I don’t allow myself to do a spiritual bypass because I don’t want to feel something.
Here is how I was guided this week.
I started to feel “uncomfortable” about a decision I made to do something a few weeks away. Even though I knew that I had a right to change my mind, I struggled and felt disappointed in myself that I didn’t want to do what I said I would do.
As I prayed about it, Spirit showed me that I was beating up on myself for changing my mind. Rather than trusting that perhaps I wasn’t meant to do this particular thing at this time, I judged myself and felt guilty. I asked myself, “Would you be compassionate and understanding to a friend who changed their mind?” Yes, of course, I would.
Here is the message I received from Spirit:
“Breathe, the truth is coming to the light. You are following your heart. You showed up and said yes. Nothing is lost. Can you trust that you are not meant to do this at this time? It doesn’t mean that you will never do it, but not now. Can you trust I’m leading you and you can trust your feelings? Give yourself a break. Love yourself. Be gentle and trust the process. I have your back. “
What is my truth?
*I can trust myself and my feelings. They are not right or wrong, they just are.
*I can trust God is guiding me.
*It’s ok to change my mind.
*I don’t need to beat up on myself, I need to accept and love myself.
*The will of God will never lead me where the GRACE of God will not protect me.
The good news is that I can change my mind over and over again and it’s all good. I’m not crazy or irrational, just following my heart.
What is your truth? Are you able to trust your feelings? Are you able to change your mind with peace, ease and grace or do you beat up on yourself for changing your mind?”
Whenever I meet a new person on Maui, the conversation goes like this, “Where did you come from, how long have you been here and what brought you here?” I always answer, “I followed my heart and I knew I was going to meet my soulmate.” There was an “inner knowing” that meeting my soulmate was part of God’s plan for my life and, by the grace of God, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do.
What does it mean to follow my heart? I was guided to follow my heart through Prayer, meditation, discernment, courage, patience, trusting in myself, letting go of fear and what other people thought and a willingness to step out in faith, trusting that the door would be closed or opened at the right and perfect time. It’s called FAITH and it works!
Many of you have been following our “love story” and how Larry and I met 7 1/2 years ago and then became husband and wife 2 years ago. But some of you who are new to reading the blogs don’t know the story and I’m being guided to share it with you to encourage you to follow your heart and trust in the desires of your heart, which I believe were placed in your heart by God.
I had been living on Maui for about a month when I attended a dance at the Senior Center with Pat and Ellen. I spotted Larry right away because I liked how he danced and he was nice looking. I mustered up the courage and asked him to dance. There were always more women so if I wanted to dance, I had to ask the man to dance. I danced with Larry once that night.
He was from Connecticut and had been living on Maui for 6 years. It was nice that we had the east coast connection in common. I attended weekly dances at the MAC and always asked Larry for a dance. There were many single women who wanted to dance and Larry danced with as many women as he could.
I liked Larry, but wasn’t attracted to him romantically. I will never forget at the end of a dance one night, he said something about LOVE. My ears perked up and I wanted to find out more about him. It was important for me to meet a man who danced and was spiritual.
When I moved closer to where Larry lived, he asked me if I would like to go for a walk and I said, “YES.” Although it took 2 years for my eyes to be opened, the rest is history.
Larry and I supported one another and became best friends quickly. We went out to lunch, talked every night on the phone and said, “I love you” before hanging up.
My children knew when I moved to Maui that it was my intention to meet my soulmate. I talked about Larry a lot and what good friends we were. My daughter would say, “Mom, what’s wrong with Larry, you are always talking about him?”
I answered, “We are best friends, but I’m not attracted to him physically.” You can’t make that happen. It’s there or it’s not. Larry had accepted that I just wanted friendship.
It is my belief that God’s timing is PERFECT- never early or late, but right on time. Although I sometimes was impatient, grumbled and wondered what was wrong with me when I saw other women getting into relationships, I trusted Spirit and WAITED, prayed, surrendered and let go.
I was single for 15 years before my eyes were opened and realized my soulmate, Larry, was right in front of me. We both needed to do inner work before we were ready to become united as a couple in body, mind and spirit.
I’m so grateful that I had the grace to follow my heart and trust in God’s perfect timing. I had my first dance on Maui with Larry and here I am 7 ½ years later dancing through my life with him. God is good.
When I worked as a therapist at the VA 20 years ago, I facilitated an interpersonal skills group which focused on assertiveness, setting boundaries, asking for what you wanted and saying no. We teach what we need to learn and I learned and practiced those skills well.
The pendulum often swings to the other side when we are learning a new skill. I spoke up about everything and confronted when I needed to. Family members weren’t happy with me and it took time for them to get the picture I was no longer passive and a doormat. The truth is I was teaching them how to speak up for themselves and to set boundaries.
It was empowering as I was standing in my power when I asked for what I wanted and said no when I wanted to. I didn’t always get what I wanted, but I got it some of the time. Being assertive was new for me as I grew up being passive and didn’t speak up until I really got angry. Then I blew up and looked like the crazy one. Of course, balance is the key in life. To know when to speak up and when to shut up.
As I sat on my lanai to pray and meditate as I do every day, I looked up in the sky and saw a beautiful white heron flying over me. As the bird flew higher and higher, I prayed “Take me as high as you want me to go Spirit.” I then noticed the bird stopped flapping its wings and just GLIDED through the air. It was glorious and the bird seemed to enjoy the wind carrying it through the air.
This spoke to my heart as I realized this is where I’m at; my wings have brought me here to this place in time as I have followed my heart and inner guidance. Now it was time for me to GLIDE.
Something inside of me was stirring so I decided to look up GLIDING in the dictionary. It said, “To move smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE.” The symbolic meaning of birds is FREEDOM because they have wings and they can go anywhere they want.
Like many of us, I have been flapping my wings for a very long time. I did a lot of traveling and “flapping” my wings this year; Rhode Island, N. Carolina, California, Costa Rica and back to N. Carolina. Flapping my wings reminds me of our masculine energy. Gliding through the air reminds me of our feminine energy.
MASCULINE ENERGY looks like:
*Pushing and making things happen
*Assertiveness-speaking up, setting boundaries, saying no
FEMININE ENERGY looks like:
*Accepting “what is”
*Detached from outcomes
*Listening to our intuition
*Living in the moment
Again, we need balance to know when to DO and take action, achieve, speak up and bring our dreams into the world and when to BE, wait, surrender, trust, allow, accept and GLIDE.
If your goal is a destination, think of the feminine as a map, and the masculine as a car. You need both to get to where you want to go.
At this moment in my life, I am like the bird GLIDING through the air, knowing I am supported by God and everything is perfect. I am moving smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE. Like the bird, I am free to go wherever I want to and whenever I want. It is very peaceful and serene.
How about you? Are you in balance with your masculine and feminine energies? What energy in your life do you need to learn and practice?
Larry and I celebrated our two- year anniversary this week. I remember so clearly when he proposed to me 3 years ago at Christmas. He got on his knees (in front of my girlfriends) and said, “You are my queen and I am your king; would you like to make it legal?” Of course, I said, “YES” and the rest is history.
We celebrated by going to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch and driving up country to see the beautiful Jacaranda trees blooming. It was a delightful day of just being together and enjoying one another’s company. Larry surprised me with 18 red roses and a beautiful anniversary card and gift. He has certainly made up for all the years of being forgotten on my birthday and anniversaries. I am grateful and blessed and the wait was worth it.
I am noticing that whenever I know the truth of who I am as a magnificent, beautiful, loving, light being, my ego acts up (and sometimes viciously) because it doesn’t want me to know the truth of who I am. It wants me to believe that I am separate from Source and alone. The Course in Miracles states “Rise above the battleground and learn to laugh at the ego thought system because it is not real and it is an illusion.” Truly the battle is in the mind.
This week Spirit revealed to me how the “not good enough” belief still infiltrates my thoughts sometimes and brings me into fear. I believe it is a universal core belief that needs to come to the light to be released and healed because it is not TRUE. It is insidious and shows up where I’m vulnerable and when I’m least expecting it. I was surprised when it “showed up” in my relationship with my husband, especially after feeling so loved for our anniversary. Here is what happened:
Larry and I had a busy day and didn’t spend much time sharing with one another, as we usually do. I woke up the next morning with a “fearful” uneasy feeling in my gut. I didn’t know what it was until I sat and meditated, prayed and journaled.
I felt fear that our relationship “wasn’t good enough” because we hadn’t spent much time together the day before. As I sat with it, I realized how absurd and crazy the “story” I was making up was. Was this a way of sabotaging myself and making me lose my peace?
Spirit guided me to write down the truth and what I love about our relationship and I humbly share it with you.
*Free of drama and stress
*Attitude of gratitude
*Spacious, as we give each other freedom to be and do what we want
*Flexibility and spontaneity
*Playful, fun and lots of laughter
*Open and honest communication
*Peaceful, pleasurable and loving
To sum it up; I feel heard, seen, trusted, protected, supported, cared for, nurtured, accepted, understood, respected and loved.
AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
This “story” about our relationship not being enough is kind of embarrassing to share with you because it is so crazy and false. I share it with you to help you recognize where your ego may be robbing you of your peace by telling you that you are not enough, you don’t have enough or you don’t do enough. It’s a LIE!
Thank you Spirit for showing me the truth that I am enough right where I am. Everything is unfolding in the right and perfect way. I can relax, laugh at the ego and live in the moment. God has my back and the story is unfolding the way it is supposed to, and for this I am grateful. The truth shall set us free.
Have you ever told yourself a “story” and then later found out that it wasn’t true? You made it up in your mind and really believed it. It may be “He/she is really going to be angry with me or what kind of friend am I or he doesn’t love me.” It is amazing the stories we can make up in our minds. Can you relate?
I am a “recovering people pleaser” also known as a codependent. I sometimes still get triggered, but can usually catch it quickly, and for this I am grateful. Similar to a recovering alcoholic who hasn’t drank in years, he may be in a situation where he is tempted to pick up a drink. I was tempted to pick up an old behavior.
People pleasing was a way of life for me for many years. I put others’ needs before my own at the expense of myself because I thought that was being loving. I was taught that putting my needs first was selfish. I know today that I had it backwards. How could I love another when I didn’t love myself?
I remember years ago when I went out to lunch with a friend it would go something like this. “Where do you want to go for lunch? I don’t care, where do you want to go for lunch?” I may not have even known what I wanted so it was easier to just defer to what they wanted. It was also uncomfortable to have anyone angry at me so I would just go along with what they wanted.
I was given an opportunity this week to see my “story” and choose not to people please, and to put my wants/needs first. My friend and I had made plans to go out for the day, but hadn’t set the time. I wanted to leave at a certain time and she wanted to do something different. Neither was right or wrong, just different preferences. I texted her before I went to bed and said, “Since we are on a different timetable and I don’t want you to feel rushed, why don’t we drive our own cars and meet up when we get there.”
When I woke up the next morning, my “story” started to unfold quite loudly. It was like this inner bully saying, “She’s going to be angry with you that you suggested we take our own cars, what kind of friend are you that you had to leave at that time?” I felt guilty and wrong.
The old people pleasing behaviors were kicking in. Her needs were more important than mine. Feeling guilty is a red flag for me that I am not aligned with Spirit. I was able to recognize old behaviors, change the” story” and tell myself the truth. I hadn’t done anything wrong by speaking up for myself and stating what I wanted to do. After I processed it, I felt relieved, peaceful and back in my power.
What I have learned is that my needs are important and that it is self-care, not selfish. Of course, there are times when I CHOOSE to put another’s needs before my own. The difference is that it is a CHOICE and not out of guilt.
Where I looked “outside” for others to love and approve of me, I now go “inside” and give myself the love, approval and appreciation I deserve.
When I opened her text in the morning and got her message, I laughed at myself for my “story” that she would be angry at me. She responded to my suggestion of taking our own cars with “PERFECT.”
Thank you Spirit for the opportunity to see my growth and to see my “story” that wasn’t true. There is an even deeper “story” that many of us tell ourselves and that is that we are separate from God and we are alone. The truth is we are all connected and we are all ONE.
What is your “story” and is it time to change it?
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