As I look back on my life, I know that Spirit has guided me every step of the way, although it may not have felt that way when I was going through a difficult time.
Was it being in the right place at the right time? Was it through a closed door only to find out later it was for my highest good? Was it following my intuition? Was it giving a talk and a woman inviting me to come to Maui?
I often wonder, “How did I get here living on Maui?” I got here because I kept saying YES and trusting I was being guided. It was not easy leaving my family and friends and community 7 years ago to follow my heart and move to Maui.
I chose to TRUST myself and God that I would be provided for and kept safe. If I had not faced my fears and believed in myself, I would not be living my dream. I am so grateful for the grace and courage it took to step out in faith and follow my heart. How about you? Are you living your dream? Do you trust yourself that you are being guided?
One of the ways I am guided is through listening and trusting my feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. There were many years that I didn’t have a “feeling language” and didn’t know how or what I felt. I would ask others, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?”
Today, I know what I’m feeling and am able to express my feelings in a healthy way. I pay attention to what I’m feeling and trust my feelings are there to guide me. If my feelings appear jumbled, I take the time to journal and go within to feel. It is my belief that I can’t heal what I can’t feel. I don’t allow myself to do a spiritual bypass because I don’t want to feel something.
Here is how I was guided this week.
I started to feel “uncomfortable” about a decision I made to do something a few weeks away. Even though I knew that I had a right to change my mind, I struggled and felt disappointed in myself that I didn’t want to do what I said I would do.
As I prayed about it, Spirit showed me that I was beating up on myself for changing my mind. Rather than trusting that perhaps I wasn’t meant to do this particular thing at this time, I judged myself and felt guilty. I asked myself, “Would you be compassionate and understanding to a friend who changed their mind?” Yes, of course, I would.
Here is the message I received from Spirit:
“Breathe, the truth is coming to the light. You are following your heart. You showed up and said yes. Nothing is lost. Can you trust that you are not meant to do this at this time? It doesn’t mean that you will never do it, but not now. Can you trust I’m leading you and you can trust your feelings? Give yourself a break. Love yourself. Be gentle and trust the process. I have your back. “
What is my truth?
*I can trust myself and my feelings. They are not right or wrong, they just are.
*I can trust God is guiding me.
*It’s ok to change my mind.
*I don’t need to beat up on myself, I need to accept and love myself.
*The will of God will never lead me where the GRACE of God will not protect me.
The good news is that I can change my mind over and over again and it’s all good. I’m not crazy or irrational, just following my heart.
What is your truth? Are you able to trust your feelings? Are you able to change your mind with peace, ease and grace or do you beat up on yourself for changing your mind?”
Whenever I meet a new person on Maui, the conversation goes like this, “Where did you come from, how long have you been here and what brought you here?” I always answer, “I followed my heart and I knew I was going to meet my soulmate.” There was an “inner knowing” that meeting my soulmate was part of God’s plan for my life and, by the grace of God, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do.
What does it mean to follow my heart? I was guided to follow my heart through Prayer, meditation, discernment, courage, patience, trusting in myself, letting go of fear and what other people thought and a willingness to step out in faith, trusting that the door would be closed or opened at the right and perfect time. It’s called FAITH and it works!
Many of you have been following our “love story” and how Larry and I met 7 1/2 years ago and then became husband and wife 2 years ago. But some of you who are new to reading the blogs don’t know the story and I’m being guided to share it with you to encourage you to follow your heart and trust in the desires of your heart, which I believe were placed in your heart by God.
I had been living on Maui for about a month when I attended a dance at the Senior Center with Pat and Ellen. I spotted Larry right away because I liked how he danced and he was nice looking. I mustered up the courage and asked him to dance. There were always more women so if I wanted to dance, I had to ask the man to dance. I danced with Larry once that night.
He was from Connecticut and had been living on Maui for 6 years. It was nice that we had the east coast connection in common. I attended weekly dances at the MAC and always asked Larry for a dance. There were many single women who wanted to dance and Larry danced with as many women as he could.
I liked Larry, but wasn’t attracted to him romantically. I will never forget at the end of a dance one night, he said something about LOVE. My ears perked up and I wanted to find out more about him. It was important for me to meet a man who danced and was spiritual.
When I moved closer to where Larry lived, he asked me if I would like to go for a walk and I said, “YES.” Although it took 2 years for my eyes to be opened, the rest is history.
Larry and I supported one another and became best friends quickly. We went out to lunch, talked every night on the phone and said, “I love you” before hanging up.
My children knew when I moved to Maui that it was my intention to meet my soulmate. I talked about Larry a lot and what good friends we were. My daughter would say, “Mom, what’s wrong with Larry, you are always talking about him?”
I answered, “We are best friends, but I’m not attracted to him physically.” You can’t make that happen. It’s there or it’s not. Larry had accepted that I just wanted friendship.
It is my belief that God’s timing is PERFECT- never early or late, but right on time. Although I sometimes was impatient, grumbled and wondered what was wrong with me when I saw other women getting into relationships, I trusted Spirit and WAITED, prayed, surrendered and let go.
I was single for 15 years before my eyes were opened and realized my soulmate, Larry, was right in front of me. We both needed to do inner work before we were ready to become united as a couple in body, mind and spirit.
I’m so grateful that I had the grace to follow my heart and trust in God’s perfect timing. I had my first dance on Maui with Larry and here I am 7 ½ years later dancing through my life with him. God is good.
When I worked as a therapist at the VA 20 years ago, I facilitated an interpersonal skills group which focused on assertiveness, setting boundaries, asking for what you wanted and saying no. We teach what we need to learn and I learned and practiced those skills well.
The pendulum often swings to the other side when we are learning a new skill. I spoke up about everything and confronted when I needed to. Family members weren’t happy with me and it took time for them to get the picture I was no longer passive and a doormat. The truth is I was teaching them how to speak up for themselves and to set boundaries.
It was empowering as I was standing in my power when I asked for what I wanted and said no when I wanted to. I didn’t always get what I wanted, but I got it some of the time. Being assertive was new for me as I grew up being passive and didn’t speak up until I really got angry. Then I blew up and looked like the crazy one. Of course, balance is the key in life. To know when to speak up and when to shut up.
As I sat on my lanai to pray and meditate as I do every day, I looked up in the sky and saw a beautiful white heron flying over me. As the bird flew higher and higher, I prayed “Take me as high as you want me to go Spirit.” I then noticed the bird stopped flapping its wings and just GLIDED through the air. It was glorious and the bird seemed to enjoy the wind carrying it through the air.
This spoke to my heart as I realized this is where I’m at; my wings have brought me here to this place in time as I have followed my heart and inner guidance. Now it was time for me to GLIDE.
Something inside of me was stirring so I decided to look up GLIDING in the dictionary. It said, “To move smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE.” The symbolic meaning of birds is FREEDOM because they have wings and they can go anywhere they want.
Like many of us, I have been flapping my wings for a very long time. I did a lot of traveling and “flapping” my wings this year; Rhode Island, N. Carolina, California, Costa Rica and back to N. Carolina. Flapping my wings reminds me of our masculine energy. Gliding through the air reminds me of our feminine energy.
MASCULINE ENERGY looks like:
*Pushing and making things happen
*Assertiveness-speaking up, setting boundaries, saying no
FEMININE ENERGY looks like:
*Accepting “what is”
*Detached from outcomes
*Listening to our intuition
*Living in the moment
Again, we need balance to know when to DO and take action, achieve, speak up and bring our dreams into the world and when to BE, wait, surrender, trust, allow, accept and GLIDE.
If your goal is a destination, think of the feminine as a map, and the masculine as a car. You need both to get to where you want to go.
At this moment in my life, I am like the bird GLIDING through the air, knowing I am supported by God and everything is perfect. I am moving smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE. Like the bird, I am free to go wherever I want to and whenever I want. It is very peaceful and serene.
How about you? Are you in balance with your masculine and feminine energies? What energy in your life do you need to learn and practice?
Larry and I celebrated our two- year anniversary this week. I remember so clearly when he proposed to me 3 years ago at Christmas. He got on his knees (in front of my girlfriends) and said, “You are my queen and I am your king; would you like to make it legal?” Of course, I said, “YES” and the rest is history.
We celebrated by going to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch and driving up country to see the beautiful Jacaranda trees blooming. It was a delightful day of just being together and enjoying one another’s company. Larry surprised me with 18 red roses and a beautiful anniversary card and gift. He has certainly made up for all the years of being forgotten on my birthday and anniversaries. I am grateful and blessed and the wait was worth it.
I am noticing that whenever I know the truth of who I am as a magnificent, beautiful, loving, light being, my ego acts up (and sometimes viciously) because it doesn’t want me to know the truth of who I am. It wants me to believe that I am separate from Source and alone. The Course in Miracles states “Rise above the battleground and learn to laugh at the ego thought system because it is not real and it is an illusion.” Truly the battle is in the mind.
This week Spirit revealed to me how the “not good enough” belief still infiltrates my thoughts sometimes and brings me into fear. I believe it is a universal core belief that needs to come to the light to be released and healed because it is not TRUE. It is insidious and shows up where I’m vulnerable and when I’m least expecting it. I was surprised when it “showed up” in my relationship with my husband, especially after feeling so loved for our anniversary. Here is what happened:
Larry and I had a busy day and didn’t spend much time sharing with one another, as we usually do. I woke up the next morning with a “fearful” uneasy feeling in my gut. I didn’t know what it was until I sat and meditated, prayed and journaled.
I felt fear that our relationship “wasn’t good enough” because we hadn’t spent much time together the day before. As I sat with it, I realized how absurd and crazy the “story” I was making up was. Was this a way of sabotaging myself and making me lose my peace?
Spirit guided me to write down the truth and what I love about our relationship and I humbly share it with you.
*Free of drama and stress
*Attitude of gratitude
*Spacious, as we give each other freedom to be and do what we want
*Flexibility and spontaneity
*Playful, fun and lots of laughter
*Open and honest communication
*Peaceful, pleasurable and loving
To sum it up; I feel heard, seen, trusted, protected, supported, cared for, nurtured, accepted, understood, respected and loved.
AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
This “story” about our relationship not being enough is kind of embarrassing to share with you because it is so crazy and false. I share it with you to help you recognize where your ego may be robbing you of your peace by telling you that you are not enough, you don’t have enough or you don’t do enough. It’s a LIE!
Thank you Spirit for showing me the truth that I am enough right where I am. Everything is unfolding in the right and perfect way. I can relax, laugh at the ego and live in the moment. God has my back and the story is unfolding the way it is supposed to, and for this I am grateful. The truth shall set us free.
Have you ever told yourself a “story” and then later found out that it wasn’t true? You made it up in your mind and really believed it. It may be “He/she is really going to be angry with me or what kind of friend am I or he doesn’t love me.” It is amazing the stories we can make up in our minds. Can you relate?
I am a “recovering people pleaser” also known as a codependent. I sometimes still get triggered, but can usually catch it quickly, and for this I am grateful. Similar to a recovering alcoholic who hasn’t drank in years, he may be in a situation where he is tempted to pick up a drink. I was tempted to pick up an old behavior.
People pleasing was a way of life for me for many years. I put others’ needs before my own at the expense of myself because I thought that was being loving. I was taught that putting my needs first was selfish. I know today that I had it backwards. How could I love another when I didn’t love myself?
I remember years ago when I went out to lunch with a friend it would go something like this. “Where do you want to go for lunch? I don’t care, where do you want to go for lunch?” I may not have even known what I wanted so it was easier to just defer to what they wanted. It was also uncomfortable to have anyone angry at me so I would just go along with what they wanted.
I was given an opportunity this week to see my “story” and choose not to people please, and to put my wants/needs first. My friend and I had made plans to go out for the day, but hadn’t set the time. I wanted to leave at a certain time and she wanted to do something different. Neither was right or wrong, just different preferences. I texted her before I went to bed and said, “Since we are on a different timetable and I don’t want you to feel rushed, why don’t we drive our own cars and meet up when we get there.”
When I woke up the next morning, my “story” started to unfold quite loudly. It was like this inner bully saying, “She’s going to be angry with you that you suggested we take our own cars, what kind of friend are you that you had to leave at that time?” I felt guilty and wrong.
The old people pleasing behaviors were kicking in. Her needs were more important than mine. Feeling guilty is a red flag for me that I am not aligned with Spirit. I was able to recognize old behaviors, change the” story” and tell myself the truth. I hadn’t done anything wrong by speaking up for myself and stating what I wanted to do. After I processed it, I felt relieved, peaceful and back in my power.
What I have learned is that my needs are important and that it is self-care, not selfish. Of course, there are times when I CHOOSE to put another’s needs before my own. The difference is that it is a CHOICE and not out of guilt.
Where I looked “outside” for others to love and approve of me, I now go “inside” and give myself the love, approval and appreciation I deserve.
When I opened her text in the morning and got her message, I laughed at myself for my “story” that she would be angry at me. She responded to my suggestion of taking our own cars with “PERFECT.”
Thank you Spirit for the opportunity to see my growth and to see my “story” that wasn’t true. There is an even deeper “story” that many of us tell ourselves and that is that we are separate from God and we are alone. The truth is we are all connected and we are all ONE.
What is your “story” and is it time to change it?
We would love to hear from you about how this blog has helped you on your journey. Do you know the truth that you are ONE with God, and never alone?
I love how I am ALWAYS guided to the right and best decision for my life and for my highest good. Guidance comes in different ways when we are “awake” and “conscious” and living in the moment. When we ask Spirit to guide us, we are guided in major decisions for our life as well as everyday ordinary decisions. When we are rushing around and busy, we may not hear the guidance from within.
Over the years, I have learned to listen to the still, small voice within, even when I don’t understand it and it doesn’t make sense. It may take awhile, but eventually I get the message.
Guidance may come from our intuition when something just doesn’t feel right or from meditation, a song, a dream, something we read, talking to someone, or overhearing a conversation that enlightens us. The list goes on and on and I’m sure we all have stories of how we received guidance. Do you take time to listen to inner guidance or do you ignore it and then wonder why things aren’t going well?
I had a couple of things happen this week where I knew I was being guided. I felt exhausted after Larry’s birthday party last week and started to get a sore throat. I wanted to nip it in the bud and rested and took lots of vitamin C. A couple of days later, I came down with a “bug” with stomach cramps, gas and the runs. I was not a happy camper.
I happened to read a post on Facebook from a friend who had throat symptoms like I had. I sent her a message and then read some of the comments she received. Some people suggested she take vitamin C. Others shared about the dangers of taking too much vitamin C. I had never heard of taking too much vitamin C.
I was stunned when I googled it and realized I didn’t have a stomach “bug” after all. The suggested dosage for vitamin C is 2000 mg daily and I was taking 7000 mg. I immediately stopped taking it and my stomach “bug” went away. I would not have known this and probably still be experiencing a stomach “bug.” Guidance comes in all different places, even from Facebook.
I am scheduled for cataract surgery in 2 days. Larry had it done a few months ago and I knew it wasn’t a big deal. Although I have health insurance, I still had to pay a significant amount of money, like $4,000 for both eyes. The surgery would correct my long- distance vision, but I would have to wear glasses for close up like reading. If I wanted to have long distance and close up corrected, it would cost another $2000. I opted for the $4000 and would settle for readers until I received a phone call from my friend, Carole, in Rhode Island today.
It was great catching up with her because we hadn’t spoken in months. I shared about my cataract surgery and she said, “I had it done several years ago and I’m so grateful I opted to get both long distance and close up done, even though it cost more money. My sister is sorry she didn’t get it done because she has readers all over the house.”
I got off the phone and asked Spirit for guidance. Because of the money, I hadn’t even considered having it both done. I was settling because I was afraid to spend the money. I have always been provided for and know I always will be. I tell Larry, “God is my banker.”
I’m grateful that the belief of “not enough” was brought to the light so I could change it. I don’t need to settle because there is always enough. I’m grateful for the guidance and the phone call 2 days before the surgery. God is good.
Larry celebrated his 80th birthday with 35 friends and family at our home on Sunday. What a beautiful day of love and joy. The love just FLOWED. When asked by a friend, “What have you learned that is most important and what wisdom do you want to share with us?” Larry smiled and simply said, “ALL THERE IS IS LOVE.”
My prayer for Larry was that his heart be open to receive the love that others wanted to shower on him for his birthday. It is not always easy to receive.
For many years, I unconsciously “blocked” love (even though I wanted it) because I didn’t feel deserving, worthy, or good enough. I didn’t think I could live up to what others said about me and I didn’t want others to think I was conceited. I worked hard at letting go of these erroneous beliefs that were running my life and not allowing me to receive love from others.
My intention for the birthday party was that it FLOW with peace, ease and grace. And that it did as I felt peaceful and relaxed. In the past, I always felt stressed before a party or company because I wanted everything to be perfect. I drove myself crazy and everyone around me.
One of the reasons I felt so peaceful was that I’ve learned to ask for HELP. I remember an incident years ago with my ex-husband. We were having company, and he was laying on the couch reading the paper, while I was racing around the house trying to get ready. I felt angry and resentful that he wasn’t helping and I was doing everything. I finally snapped and said something to him. I will never forget his remark, “Why didn’t you ask me for help?”
I never thought to ask him for help. The lesson for me was that I expected him to read my mind. Of course, we could say he should have known and perhaps he could have been more aware, but he wasn’t. Expecting someone to read my mind and know what I need is setting myself up for trouble.
Why is it hard to ask for help?
- We don’t want to be rejected
- We don’t want to bother others
- We may be afraid of what will be asked of us
- We think we should know what to do
Because I’ve learned to say NO when I want to and YES when I want to, my friends also say no and yes and are honest with me when I ask for help
I asked a friend to come over a couple of days before the party and we discussed everything, as well as set up tables and figure out where the food was going to be placed. It was such a blessing to not have to do it all by myself. Our Friends delivered chairs and table and let us borrow their coolers. Another friend surprised us with 35 beautiful favors that everyone loved. We felt so loved.
The day of the birthday party was truly amazing. Everyone mingled and shared the love with one another. We were so grateful as our friends helped in so many ways without even being asked.
Larry was truly celebrated and honored as the LOVE flowed. It will be a day neither one of us will ever forget. All we can say is thank you for loving us the way you did and thank you for allowing us to love you and for being present in our lives.
My daily prayer is to be peaceful. When I lose my peace, I go within to see what I’m feeling and what I need to change. I know I cannot change other people, I can only change myself. I’m grateful for the tools I have such as prayer, meditation, journaling and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to get me back on track when I lose my peace and slip into old codependent behaviors, like I did this week.
Until I learned to love and appreciate myself, I struggled with codependent behaviors all the time and for many years. A simple definition of codependency is when I’m focused on someone else at the expense of myself. It’s like someone else’s needs are more important than mine. I had a lot of “shoulds” in my life and felt guilty when I focused on what I wanted and needed.
Codependency comes from a place of insecurity, self-doubt and lack of self-love. I didn’t love myself and looked to others to fill the hole in my soul. It didn’t work because it was never enough. Only Love, God, Spirit can fill the hole in the soul.
Whenever I want to “rescue” someone or give unsolicited advice, I know I’m into old codependent behaviors because I’m not allowing them to experience the consequences of their behaviors and actions. Of course, I don’t want to see people I love suffer, but that doesn’t give me the right to give advice or try to rescue or fix them. What someone else is doing or not doing is none of my business.
I have learned to Say NO and change my mind when it doesn’t feel right and I don’t want to do something. In fact, saying NO has become quite comfortable. With that said, I was really surprised what popped up for me this week. I said NO to a friend when she asked me to do something for her. I knew I didn’t want to do it, but felt guilty and like I SHOULD do it. The little voice inside said, “What kind of a friend are you?” I really struggled, but knew it wasn’t in my highest good to do what she asked me to do. I needed to focus on myself. I also knew “shoulding” on myself and feeling guilty were old codependent behaviors.
I’m learning the difference between feeling responsible FOR others and being responsible TO others. We are responsible TO our children, but not when they are adults and capable of handling their own lives.
When I’m feeling responsible FOR others, I may feel resentful, exhausted, judgmental, overwhelmed, anxious, guilty, self-righteous and fearful. I want to manipulate, fix, rescue, give advice, care-take, demand and bully. I want things to go my way and control circumstances and outcomes. In other words, I want THEM to change.
When we are responsible TO others, we take care of our own business. We trust them to take care of their business. We show empathy, kindness and understanding. We encourage and empower them to follow their heart. We share our experience and we listen.
When we are responsible TO others, we feel peaceful, trusting, connected and we accept what is. We let go and let God, send love and respect the other person and their ability to take care of themselves.
I am grateful that I continue to learn and grow. I know I’m not perfect and that is ok. I’m doing the best I can and I am a work in progress. I know that old behaviors will pop up from time to time and I deal with them and move on.
I have some questions that I invite you to think about.
- Is it easy for you to forgive someone who has hurt or wronged you?
- Is it easy to forgive yourself?
- Do you beat up on yourself and feel shame when you make a mistake?
- Is it easy for you to ask for forgiveness when you have offended or hurt someone you love?
Often, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. I believe that forgiving yourself is the greatest act of self- love. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and the sooner you forgive yourself, the better you will feel. We all make mistakes, it is a part of being human. We need to be compassionate with ourselves and treat ourselves like we would our best friend. Would you say to your best friend what you say to yourself?
I had a situation this week where I needed to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness from another. The details aren’t important. What is important is that when I was confronted about a particular behavior of mine, I immediately took responsibility for my actions and apologized. I didn’t get defensive, which is a behavior that I struggled with for many years.
Although I felt shame and regret at first, I quickly moved to self-forgiveness and didn’t beat up on myself. It wouldn’t do me any good to obsess or torture myself and make myself feel even worse for making a mistake. I did that for too many years and it doesn’t serve me or the other person involved. It was clear that I had made a mistake and blew it. There was nothing I could do about it, but ask for forgiveness, send love and trust the other person would forgive me.
I knew it would take some time and I had to be patient and wait. I had to let go of my control and give the person time and space to work through their process. Of course, I would have liked to have been forgiven immediately, but I also didn’t want them to do a spiritual bypass and forgive prematurely.
When I started to have memories of my father sexually abusing me, I wanted to forgive him right away. I didn’t want to go through the grief process because it was to uncomfortable and painful. Thank God I had a good therapist who said, “You are not ready to forgive your father yet, you need to feel your feelings of anger, sadness, and depression before you reach acceptance. She was right and I’m so grateful I listened and didn’t do a spiritual bypass. It was not easy, but I knew I had to go through the process and trust Spirit. I prayed daily and asked for guidance. It took me 3 years to forgive my father and work through the process.
While in prayer one day, I heard Spirit say, “It is time for you to forgive your father, you are ready now.” It was very scary picking up the phone after not communicating with him for 3 years, but by the grace of God, I was ready and did it. I had done my inner work and released the anger and sadness and was ready to move on.
What I know about forgiveness is that it is for me, not the other person. If I’ve been hurt by another person’s words, actions or inactions and I hold a grudge, I keep myself in a prison and I suffer needlessly. If I obsess about what someone has said or done and play the blame game, it will lead to resentment. Resentments and unforgiveness keep me stuck in a lower vibration. Certainly not in the vibration of love where I choose to live my life.
- Are you ready to set yourself free by forgiving yourself and being compassionate and kind to yourself?
- Are you ready to treat yourself like you would your best friend?
- Are you ready to forgive others who have hurt you?
It’s o.k. if you are not ready to forgive yet. Trust the process, ask Spirit for help and be willing to do the inner work.
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- I can trust my feelings
- How I knew Larry was my soulmate
- I confronted everything when I was learning to be assertive
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