A few weeks ago, I shared in my blog how happy I was to find the “HONEY” bear in the bottom of the box that was on the top shelf of my closet.
Before I put the box back, I wanted to see if I had missed anything. Sure enough, I noticed a brown manila envelope and I had no idea what was in it. There were about 100 greeting cards that I had saved from my children over the years. I decided to randomly choose 2 cards and see who they were from.
I picked 2 beautiful birthday cards and they were both from one of my sons telling me how much he appreciated and loved me. It touched my heart deeply because I was really missing my son and hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks. I sat and allowed the sadness to come up, as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Because of the virus, I’m unable to visit my family this summer and I don’t know when I will see them next.
Just a few hours earlier before finding the cards, I shared with Larry my feelings about how much I missed my son. I didn’t have to do anything, but allow myself to just feel and BE. I was still feeling kind of raw and vulnerable when the phone rang a couple of hours later.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw my sons name come up on my phone. He called to thank me for a “heart letter” that I had sent to all of my children on Mother’s Day. Was that a coincidence or God that he called at the moment I needed to hear his voice? I believe it was GOD.
I broke down when I heard his voice and told him about the cards that I found that morning from him. It was quite emotional when I told him how much I missed him and he told me how much he missed me. It was a sacred moment as we both felt the love through the phone lines.
We are all connected by Love and through Love. God’s timing is always perfect and we get what we need when we need it. My son calling me at that time was divinely orchestrated.
A few days later, I decided to take out the manilla envelope from the box and read all the cards. Again, tears flowed as I read each card that my children had sent me. I’m so grateful that I had saved the cards as my heart was touched deeply.
This week as I went through the box again, I found my intention book that I was inspired to create 14 years ago when I wrote “Simply a Woman of Faith.” Instead of a vision board, I had created my intention/ picture book that I prayed with every day for one year. There were pictures, affirmations, and meaningful scripture passages.
As I sat and looked through my intention book, I was amazed at what has come true and what I have manifested. I am living my dream and what I had intended and prayed for. Not only was my book published, I retired from my job as an Addiction Therapist and followed my heart to become a Spiritual Life Coach and Speaker. I traveled to Bermuda to give a women’s retreat (which was in the book).
I had not remembered the picture of a turtle swimming in Maui that I had put in my intention book. My spirit knew this would be my soul’s path way before it manifested in form.
Since creating my intention book 14 years ago and seeing all that I had manifested, I decided to create another one about the book Larry and I are writing together. I spent the afternoon cutting out pictures and words and creating new affirmations. I had so much fun and felt a tremendous amount of excitement and energy creating my new intention book.
I know deep within my soul that this is God’s will for us to write this book and share our love story with the world. God is still writing our love story as our hearts are united in love.
If you’ve grown up with a parent who was unavailable, abusive, alcoholic, mentally ill, workaholic or narcissistic, it can take years to heal the trauma and recover. The process for me has been to release old patterns, stuck energy, feelings and beliefs that no longer serve me.
Has this ever happened to you? You are going along your “life” feeling connected to Source, magnificent, loved, empowered and remembering you are Love. You feel gratitude and things are flowing with peace, ease and grace. Then comes along someone or something to “trigger” you. A friend or family member does something or doesn’t do something that upsets you. You feel ignored or not valued. We all have different triggers depending on what happened to you as a child and how much healing you have done.
When I have a strong emotional reaction to something that is happening in the present, it is usually stuck energy or a belief from my childhood that needs healing. Instead of playing the “blame game” and seeing myself as a victim, I’m learning to thank the person (in my mind) for bringing up an unhealed part of me.
I wasn’t expecting to be triggered this week, but I was. It was an invitation to be compassionate with myself, not beat up on myself, judge or “shame” myself for not being further along the spiritual path.
I’m choosing to love myself and “accept what is” and where I’m at. I know I’m doing the best I can and so is everyone else. As I’m learning to love and be compassionate with myself, I’m able to love and be compassionate with others.
I want to love others unconditionally and not judge them or make them wrong and me right. I know I cannot control others actions, but I can control my REACTION. It’s not always easy when I’m triggered and I’m dealing with something from my past that still needs healing.
My lesson this week had to do with unrealistic expectations of others. An unrealistic expectation is a premeditated resentment. We may harbor a resentment when the outcome of a situation is not what we wanted or we don’t get a response from another that we were hoping for.
Having an expectation of how we think people “should” act causes unnecessary pain and suffering. When I expect someone to do things the way I do them or act in a certain way, I set myself up for disappointment every time.
For example: When I’m impatient and expect a quick response from a text, email of phone call, I set myself up to be disappointed. Perhaps, I don’t get a response at all, and think I’ve done something wrong. I allow it to determine my value and happiness. Usually it has nothing to do with me, and I’m taking it personally.
There is nothing wrong with hoping for a desired response or outcome, but trying to force it to happen and then having negative thoughts and feelings about myself and the other person is futile. I cannot control the way other people think, feel or act. It is none of my business.
- I’m striving to not expect people to act exactly like I would like them to and to give them the benefit of the doubt.
- I’m striving to live in the moment and stay present with my own thoughts and feelings. When I do this, I’m not letting myself get into stories or victimhood about what the other person should have done or not done.
- I’m striving to give myself the love I crave and need, rather than looking to others to validate and love me.
I will never be peaceful if I’m always expecting other people to do it my way or to love me in a certain way. If I want to be happy, I must drop my expectations of others and let go of what I think they should or shouldn’t do. All I have power over is my thoughts, feelings, reactions and beliefs.
I am grateful to say that Larry and I celebrated our 3- year wedding anniversary this week. I found a love that is healing my heart and soul. Larry says, “God is loving Pat through me.” God is loving Larry through me. How can it get any better than that? Here is the prayer we said to one another on our wedding day.
BLESSING OF THE HANDS
These are the hands of your best friend, strong and full of love for you. They are holding yours today as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.
These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as we continue your future together.
These are the hands that will passionately love and cherish you through the years and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when you fear or grief fills your mind.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it, support and encouragement to pursue your dreams, and comfort you in difficult times.
Most importantly, always remember that these are God’s hands loving you.
And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness and love with just a touch.
Our relationship continues to grow and flourish as we love and support one another. I really appreciate how Larry is PRESENT to me and is kind, patient, thoughtful and caring. He is always ready to listen to whatever I am experiencing and gives me the space to process my feelings, without judging or trying to change them. He has learned that I don’t want or need fixing. What I want is to be heard and validated. Once I feel heard, I am more open to listen to his wisdom. We love to play and laugh. We laugh a lot and it is great medicine.
My “leap of faith” to move to Maui and follow my heart was the best move I could have ever made because I have never been happier. I not only learned to love, honor and appreciate myself more deeply, I also found my soul mate, Larry. I prayed for 15 years to meet him and KNEW I would meet him in Maui.
What does it mean to follow your heart? I’m sure we have all had experiences where we followed our hearts, even though it didn’t make sense at the time. It may be staying in an alcoholic marriage and trusting it would work out. It may be getting a divorce after many years of marriage. It may be leaving a career and not having another job. It didn’t make sense for me to move 5,000 miles away from my family and friends, but I followed my heart and so grateful I did.
Following my heart means a deep inner “knowing” that I’m doing what is right for me, that I’m loving and trusting myself and that I’m being guided by a power greater than myself. When my heart is pure and coming from a place of love, Spirit always comes through and gives me what I need at the right and perfect time.
Following my heart is my soul inviting me to EXPAND and EVOLVE. There may be fear, and probably will be when you step out of the boat into the unknown. It’s like you can’t stop the flow and you don’t want to stop it. If you try to stop the flow because of fear, your dream will die inside of you.
It takes great courage and faith to follow your heart because it may mean disappointing those you love and they may feel angry or abandoned. They may not understand that you had to do what you did for your evolution and growth.
Are you willing to follow your heart and step out of the boat? God will give you everything you need when you trust and have faith. I’m living my dream because I stepped out of the boat and trusted God.
I hope everyone had a nice Mother’s Day. Even though my 4 children and I are scattered all over the globe, and I am 5,000 miles away across the ocean, we connected through phone calls and zoom. Since we are still in quarantine, we stayed at home and I had a peaceful, quiet Mother’s Day. I am very grateful for my children and grandchildren and the love and happiness they bring me.
Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for many of us. We may not all have children, but we all have mothers who have birthed us into the world. We may or may not know our biological mothers. Some of our mothers have gone to the other side and we miss them terribly. Some of us have chosen not to have children. Some of us cannot have children and that causes pain in our hearts. Some of us have mothers that are alive, but we don’t have a nurturing relationship with them. Some of us are blessed to have and have had loving relationships with our moms.
It’s not surprising that Mother’s Day may be difficult for so many women and they feel relieved when the day is over. My mother died in 1968 at the age of 44 on New Year’s Day and I was only 20 years old. My children never got to meet their grandmother, nor was she there when I got married.
Because of her alcoholism and illness, we didn’t have a loving, nurturing relationship. We started to have a relationship a year before she died when she went to Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober. Consequently, there were many Mother’s days that I cried and wished she was still alive. I’m grateful that with the grace of God, I have been able to forgive her and often feel her presence in my life, like I did this Mother’s Day. The best gift I have given to my children has been to do my inner work of healing and forgiveness so I don’t pass on the dysfunction to the next generation.
I love how Spirit gives me what I need when I need it, even when I don’t ask. The day before Mother’s Day, I asked Larry to get a box down from the top shelf of my closet. I was looking for my old picture/affirmation book that I prayed with daily when I was writing Simply a Woman of Faith. I thought looking at the affirmation book would give me inspiration while writing our new book.
I didn’t find what I was looking for in the box. Instead, I found the brown, soft cuddly teddy bearthat was tucked away in the bottom of the box. Memories flooded in as I held the teddy bear close to my heart as tears flowed down my cheeks.
Several years ago, I was really missing my mom and asked to feel her presence.
I was in a gift shop on New Year’s Day when I heard the small, still voice of God say: “I have a special gift for you today, be open.” As I walked around the gift shop, I prayed to be led. I didn’t find anything and wondered if I really heard the voice of God or was it my imagination?
I was about to leave the gift store, but decided to take one more look and walked down the baby aisle. I picked up this soft, cuddly brown teddy bear and held it close to my face. When I turned it over, I saw the manufacturer’s tag on the back. HONEY was in big red letters. My mother’s name was HONEY. Here was my gift from my mother. She shows up when I need her the most. That happened about 30 years ago.
Here was my mom “showing up” again for me on Mother’s Day 53 years after her death. I went to bed this past Saturday night with my HONEY cuddly teddy bear close to my heart. I don’t think I will put her back in the box again. I will keep her near as I need to feel my mother’s love and presence every day.
My mother is helping me with my journey to be a vessel of love and to be the best mom, wife and friend I can be. You weren’t able to be there for me growing up, but you are here for me now. Thank you, mom.
God was so patient “waiting” for me to say YES to His plan. It took me seven years to write my book, Simply a Woman of Faith. It took me that long because it wasn’t God’s timing and I wasn’t ready “until I was ready.” There was a lot of inner work and healing needed before I had the courage to make a commitment to myself and God that no matter what, or how afraid I felt, I would do it.
There were all kinds of signs and synchronicities once I said YES to writing the book. I found money in my bank account that I didn’t know was there. I received an award at work that I didn’t expect to receive. I had all the money I needed to hire a coach and editor. I had no idea of what I was doing, but I kept trusting and putting one step in front of the other.
My book was published twelve years ago. I wouldn’t be living my dream, living on Maui in a home overlooking the ocean and married to my soul mate if I hadn’t said YES to God’s plan. The last chapter of my book I share about my desire to meet my soul mate. I had no idea that I would move to Maui and meet Larry there.
Many people have said to me over the years, “You really need to write another book and share your Love story.” Larry and I started writing together three years ago and for whatever reason, we put it down. It reminded me of when I put down writing Simply a Woman of Faith for one year and said to God, “I’m not doing it, you have chosen the wrong person.” I’m so grateful God had other plans for me!
About a month ago. I felt a “nudge” from Spirit to finish writing our book again. I asked God for a sign and said, “If this is your will, put it on Larry’s heart to finish the book.” I waited patiently for Larry to say he was getting a nudge about our book. I felt relieved when he said nothing and figured it wasn’t God’s will.
I received an email this week from a woman who has been reading my blogs for years. She simply wrote, “I feel a compilation of your “blogs” are your second book. I’ll purchase your first copy. You are indeed the Queen of Encounters, the Magical Mystery Woman, and the Brave Heart of Love.”
I felt something stirring inside of me again. I allowed it to marinate as I prayed and asked God for direction and discernment. I only wanted God’s will and I was willing and ready to follow the plan. I prayed and meditated and asked for a dream. That night, I had a dream that was very significant and knew in my heart that it was time to finish the book.
I hadn’t shared any of this with Larry because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. I felt completely detached from the outcome and knew I would finish the book whether he said “yes” or “no.”
The morning after my dream, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, “You are beautiful.” I then looked at a card that has been on my wall for about 3 or 4 years. It read, YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL. I was stunned because I had never seen the BRILLIANT part of it.
I have a family member who I think is BRILLIANT and have been telling them that for years. I never saw it in myself until I was walking on the beach this week. I heard Spirit say, “YOU ARE BRILLIANT.” I got it for the first time in my life. I am BRILLIANT because I freed myself from growing up with 2 alcoholic parents and multiple sexual abusers. I felt empowered and free.
I have not only talked the talk, but I have walked it and was willing to do whatever I needed to set myself free. During this time of cocooning, I have done deep inner work clearing away what no longer served me and have forgiven others and myself.
Larry and I spend “sacred time” together on Sunday mornings and I decided to tell him about the “nudge” I was getting from Spirit about finishing the book. I said, “I’m not attached to you writing, I would love you to be a part of it, but I will do it either way.”
He agreed to pray about it to see if it was God’s will. He then shared, “I started to think about finishing our book about a month ago, but I didn’t say anything to you.” Interesting because that is when I asked Spirit to put it on Larry’s heart. Perhaps, I didn’t ask Spirit for him to tell me about it! When Spirit wants you to do something, He is relentless and doesn’t give up until you get it!
God’s timing is perfect always. We get exactly what we need when we need it if we trust and believe. It is God’s will for Larry and I to finish our book. It is time and we are both excited and READY. IT IS TIME.
What has God been nudging you to do? God will give you everything you need when you say YES to His plan.
What a roller coaster of emotions this pandemic is bringing up for me, as I’m sure it is for you also. I’m peaceful, trusting and surrendered one minute and the next minute tears are flowing as sadness, grief and anger erupt about how things are unfolding and the people who are dying and alone, people losing their jobs and businesses closing. We have never been through anything like this and it takes great courage and faith to keep believing. We are in the darkness or the cocoon and we don’t know for how long we will be there.
Easter has always been a time to celebrate new life, new birth and the resurrection of Christ. I didn’t know what this Easter was going to be like with all that is going on in the world. There would be no family gatherings and Easter egg hunts for the children. We Zoomed with my family and it was great. My daughter and grandson did a magic show for us and Herbie played the guitar and we sang together.
Larry and I started our morning watching a live stream Easter concert special from Italy with Andrea Bocelli. It was moving and beautiful listening to Ave Maria and many others.
I had a special surprise that touched my heart today. Outside on our lanai was a “love dove” sitting in a planter. I spotted her Friday night just sitting quietly and not moving. I wondered if she would lay any eggs. I didn’t want to disturb her so I stayed away. Saturday morning, she was still patiently sitting there.
Early Sunday morning, I looked out the window to see if the “love dove” was still in the planter. I could see her moving side to side and up and down. When I saw her fly away, I quickly went to see if there were any eggs. Sure enough, there were 2 eggs. I felt excited and grateful to receive this gift and be a witness to the promise of “new life” on Easter Sunday.
It wasn’t long before mamma bird was back to care for her eggs. Sitting on her nest is providing warmth and protection for her eggs until they are ready to hatch. I have no idea how long she will sit there or if the eggs will even hatch. It takes time and it’s a process.
This reminds me of how our heavenly Father watches over us and protects His children until we are ready to be born again or born anew. We are never alone and always protected. We are always in process and it will take as long as it takes for us to be reborn. It takes courage to change and die to the old self.
The freedom to be myself is the greatest gift I can give to myself.
Larry and I were best friends for 2 years. It was six years ago on Easter Sunday that I turned and looked at him while celebrating Easter Sunday service that my eyes were opened. In that moment, I KNEW! He was right there in front of me all the time, but I didn’t see him. Why did it take 5 years for me to see he was the love of my life, my soulmate, the man I had waited for and dreamed about? I guess I wasn’t ready until I was ready. It’s a process.
Today, with tears rolling down my eyes I sang to Larry “Can’t help falling in Love with you” with Andrea Bocelli. It was emotional for both of us as we held hands and looked into each other’s eyes. I feel so blessed and grateful that I was single for 15 years and had the grace and willingness to wait for God’s perfect timing and fall in love with myself first. Did I like having to wait? No, I didn’t, but I’m glad I did!
We practice living in the moment and enjoying the time we have together. We are not promised tomorrow, all we have is today. We don’t know the future, but we are trusting God’s perfect timing and surrendering to “What is.”
I don’t want to waste this sacred “cocoon time” and not be transformed from the inside out. I am willing to do the deep inner work and learn the lessons I need to learn so I will be transformed into the “butterfly” I am meant to be. I am trusting the process and however long it takes to set myself free and fly.
The world is watching and waiting for NEW LIFE AND NEW BIRTH. We must die to the old so the new can come. Love is all there is and Love will prevail. Sending love and prayers from my heart to your heart wherever you may be. All is well.
It takes courage and faith to do the inner work that is needed to grow, change and EVOLVE. We are here to EVOLVE to our greatest potential. It takes commitment and a willingness to do deep soul work and release what no longer serves us. It may be our stories, our patterns, victim consciousness, fears, ego or addictions.
Many of us are hearing the internal call to free our Soul’s voice, find our true self and REMEMBER the truth of who we are. We are LOVE and we are learning to Love to our fullest expression. We have suffered enough thinking we are separate from God and we are not good enough.
For the past 7 weeks, I have been digging deep and discovering things about myself and feelings I had buried that I didn’t know were still there. Living a spiritual life is like peeling an onion and we keep going deeper until we get to the essence of who we are. I have forgiven myself and others and let go of blame, shame and victimhood. Without the busyness and distractions of life, I have spent time with myself and on myself. It feels like I have been invited to an extended retreat with the divine within me. How great is that?
As I was taking my walk on the beach this week, I heard Spirit say, “You have spent the last 7 weeks focusing on your humanity and releasing, realigning, letting go and recalibrating. For the remaining time in the cocoon (quarantine) I want you to step into and embrace your Divinity.” I went to google for help.
Here is one definition. “Divine is a word used to describe something (or someone) that has the qualities of a God or deity. The word can also refer to a specific god, a supreme being, or the universal Power.”
I thought about what “Inner Divinity” meant to me. It means to have a relationship with Source, God, Higher Power, Innate Intelligence or Universe. “Inner Divinity” is within every one of us. I am not my body, my mind or my emotions. I am not only connected within to this Pure Essence of Love and “Inner Divinity”, I am ONE with It, one with God.
The more I choose to embrace my “Inner Divinity” and the truth of who I am, the easier it is to see God in others. I see their kindness, love, generosity, playfulness, gentleness – and all the other qualities of their loving Divinity within. Their “Inner Divinity” is made of the same Loving energy as my “Inner Divinity.”
I called my friend, Joseph, this week and shared the loving qualities I saw in him. He was a little embarrassed at first, but was able to receive this gift. As I shared with him the qualities I saw in him, I was able to see the same qualities in myself.
To see God in each other, we must begin by seeing God in ourselves. My outer reality, including what I see in other people, can only reflect the quality of my own inner experience, my own inner state of awareness.
Of course, I will always be aware of my humanity and want to stay humble and know where my strength comes from. When I step into my Divinity, I recognize the truth of who I am from God’s perspective. I am love, I am lovable, I am magnificent, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am patient, I am resilient, I am faithful, I am trustworthy, I am unlimited, I am compassionate and I am brilliant.
It will take time, focus and intention to embrace these God-given qualities in myself. It is my belief this is God’s invitation to me and to you. We are God’s children and messengers of light. We are being called to walk tall in the truth of who we are as light beings and pure Love essence. It is time to SHINE our lights.
With the grace of God, I will no longer hide my light, I will no longer abuse myself, I will no longer depreciate myself, I will no longer apologize for myself, I will no longer doubt myself, I will no longer compare myself, I will no longer fear the future, I will no longer look outside for the love that is within.
My prayer for you and me is that we will embrace our “Inner Divinity” and see the magnificence and beauty that is within us. It is time to let go of the past and see the truth of who you are. The world is in desperate need for our lights to shine in the darkness. Many are suffering and need our love, kindness and compassion.
I am Simply a Woman of Faith and my faith in God is unshakable.
I am practicing letting go and surrendering to the unknown as I give myself permission to grieve and the time to move more deeply into my soul to discover the truths of who I am and the lessons I need to learn during this world-wide pandemic.
As I reflect on my life, I realize that to feel safe, I needed to control and please others. Control is the master addiction. I was needy and looked outside of myself for others to give me love, attention and praise. I didn’t know how to love myself. I needed to learn how to give myself the love and attention that I craved from others.
I’m so grateful that I have done my work and am changing from the inside out. During this “Spiritual Bootcamp” I’m sensing an inner shift of freedom & empowerment and it feels good. I’ve also experienced pain as I released stuck energy from childhood that I didn’t know was still there.
Best-selling author, Kute Blackson states, “It is like we have been sent to our rooms to be with ourselves to love the parts of ourselves that we have disowned and projected onto others. We are quarantined with ourselves and we can’t run away anymore. We are in rehab for our external validation addiction.”
I went to bed feeling peaceful one night and woke up with a heavy heart the next morning. I breathed into it trying to identify what I was feeling. I just allowed it to BE. Spirit then revealed to me that I was in the “what ifs” rather than the “what is.” “What if _______ happens?” I needed to change my PERSPECTIVE if I was going to have peace and keep my vibration high in love and gratitude. When I focus on the “what is” I am peaceful and centered. This moment “what is” is that I am safe, I am healthy, I have food and shelter and I have loving friends and family. When I focus on the “what ifs” I lose my peace and am not in the present moment.
I am blessed to sit outside every day and send love and prayers to the world and all who are suffering. I said to Larry this morning, “I’m going to my “prayer throne.” He responded, “You are never alone when you are on your throne.” This is so true as it brings me great comfort and joy to spend time in prayer and go within to feel the presence of the Divine and send out love. I love the Serenity Prayer and have been saying it daily for years.
“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference”
This is what I cannot change:
PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS, THE WEATHER, THE GOVERNMENT, MY FRIENDS, MY CHILDREN, THE VIRUS, WHEN QUARANTINE ENDS, MY CHILDHOOD… ETC.
This is what I can change:
- What I eat, exercise and how much rest I give my body
- How I speak to myself: with self-love and compassion or self-abuse
- My expectations & judgements of others and needing to be right
- When to speak up or “shut up”
- My perspective, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs
- The choice to live in FEAR or LOVE
- What I focus on: what’s missing or what I have
- How much time I spend in prayer and meditation
- Gratitude and being positive or complaining and being negative
- My need to do things perfectly and to be perfect
- To be in balance with giving and receiving
- My willingness to be honest, vulnerable and authentic
- Letting go of resentments and forgiving myself and others
- Letting go and trusting rather than obsessing and worrying
- Feeling all my feelings and releasing them and letting them go
- Surrendering to the unknown and letting go of control
- Being PRESENT and living in the moment or future tripping
There is a lot I can change in myself. I will do my part and leave the rest to God. All I can control is ME and my reactions. I’m responsible for my serenity and peace of mind. I’m choosing to surrender and to let go and “ACCEPT WHAT IS” and not be in resistance. Rather than pushing to do things my way, I am allowing Spirit to lead me. I invite you to use this time to “go within” and free yourself from what no longer serves you so you can transform and fly like the butterfly. What is it you need to change in yourself? This is your sacred time, use it well.
My prayers and love are with you. Together we will get through this and shine even brighter. Please stay healthy and take care of yourself.
Instead of being in quarantine, I like to think of it as “sacred cocooning.” It is a time to “go within” and see what’s really important, who I am, my purpose, what needs to be changed in me and what I need to let go of that no longer serves me.
The caterpillar was in the cocoon and in darkness before it freed itself to become a butterfly. I don’t know about you, but I have been a caterpillar for too long and I am ready to rise to my greatness and magnificence. It’s time to spread my wings and fly.
To become the butterfly and to be set free, we are invited to go into a “Spiritual Bootcamp.” A bootcamp is an intense training experience. It breaks you down so it can build you back up. It is INTENDED to challenge your faith, beliefs, attitudes and your capacity for greatness. It is preparing you to become the shining presence of light this planet needs so desperately. We are experiencing the Great Awakening on the planet that we have been waiting for.
You may argue, “I never signed up for this bootcamp” and you may be feeling angry, scared, anxious, panic, disappointed and depressed. Life volunteered you or another way to think about it is that your soul signed you up before you arrived on planet Earth. I invite you to ask yourself, “What are the lessons my soul wants me to learn and will I be different when the quarantine ends or will I be the same?” Will you use this time to go deep within yourself or will you squander it and not change?
There are lessons we need to learn during this time to make us stronger, more loving and more heart- centered. Being in a bootcamp is hard work and we may feel like we are being tested to the max. We are! It hurts and it doesn’t feel good when we can’t get out and visit friends and family, go to a restaurant or we may be out of work and can’t pay the bills. We may be home with young children who don’t understand why they can’t play with their friends. We may feel like a victim and complain, “Why is this happening to me? I don’t deserve this. I can’t handle it and when will it ever end?”
It’s all a part of the process of becoming a butterfly and becoming more conscious. Whenever we resist something in our lives, we suffer. When we accept and surrender to “what is” although we may not like it, things change. We experience grace and peace in our hearts and are able to go with the flow more easily and accept whatever changes we are facing, whether it be physical, emotional, financial or psychological adversity.
The “Spiritual Bootcamp” has been intense for me as I “zoom in” to what is important and what needs to be changed on the inside. Through prayer and meditation and working with my dreams, I’m seeing the parts of myself that I have disowned (shadow) and haven’t accepted, but projected onto others. If I SPOT it in others, I GOT it. I’ve been given many opportunities to let go of my control, keep my mouth shut and not think I’m always right.
Here is what I’m practicing to grow my “spiritual muscles” in the bootcamp.
- Focusing on the positive; deeper connections with family and friends
- Giving myself the gift of my own PRESENCE, being still and living in the moment
- Being loving, patient and compassionate to myself and others
- Allowing myself to feel all of my feelings – like clouds floating in the sky
- Going within & not “zooming out” on food, social media, internet, busyness
- Forgiving myself and others
- Appreciating all the gifts I have been given and staying in gratitude
- Communicating and negotiating with Larry especially when stressed
- Asking for what I need
- Reaching out to friends who are alone and need support
Through this awakening, I’m learning to trust and surrender more deeply to a Power greater than myself to provide, guide and protect me. None of us know how long we will be in the darkness (cocoon-quarantine) and that is where our trust and faith kicks in. We wait patiently and trust God’s timing is perfect. We will be set free and FLY like the butterfly.
As the veil is being lifted, we are invited to see the truth of who we are. We are not separate from Source or one another. We came from Source and are all connected. We are LOVE. We are all ONE and we are whole. We are not victims of our circumstances; we are the creators of our lives.
I don’t know about you but after 2 ½ weeks of self-quarantine, Larry and I looked at one another and said, “What day is it?” We are grateful to get out and exercise daily and that we live in a beautiful place to appreciate the beauty and nature around us. Staying grateful in the midst of challenges keeps our vibration high.
It is like we have all been thrown in the river and we are swimming together, but there is a lot of uncertainty because we don’t know where we are going or how long we will be swimming in the river.
There are some things I KNOW in my heart and one of them is that everybody is doing the best they can during this unprecedented time of worldwide health crisis. We are all in different places and stages (denial, numb, terror, fear, excitement, peaceful, anxiety, sadness, grief, anger, acceptance) and we are invited to be loving, kind and compassionate with one another. Before I can be loving and compassionate with another, I must start with myself and not beat up on myself or judge myself for whatever stage I’m in or whatever feelings are coming up.
Like most of you, I have experienced the “gamut” of feelings sometimes all in one day. It is like a roller coaster of feelings when I hear of something new happening in the world or someone dying from the virus. I am ALLOWING myself to feel it all, to let the feelings go through me so that I can release them and RECALIBRATE to gratitude, love and joy. I give myself as long as it takes to feel my feelings and not medicate or do a spiritual bypass. There is something powerful about naming our feelings. When you name them, you feel it and it moves through you. Emotions need motion.
When my feelings are very strong (especially anger) I know it is not just about my present situation, but feelings I have suppressed for years that are coming to the surface to be healed and transformed. My experience has been that under the anger is fear and often under the fear is anger. I am learning to self-regulate, which means to soothe and comfort myself when I become aware of what I’m feeling by slowing down and breathing and going within.
I’m also learning to co-regulate, which means to share my feelings and what I’m going through honestly with a trusted friend. It has to be someone who is non-judgmental and will be PRESENT to me and not try to fix me or give me advice. Do you have anyone in your life who you can co-regulate with?
Larry and I are taking the virus very seriously perhaps because of his lung condition and us both being in the high- risk category. My challenge and opportunity are to be patient with people who are not taking the virus seriously, not following protocol and staying home, but instead going on with life as usual.
I allowed myself to feel my anger fully when I saw loved ones not following protocol. I wrote about it in my journal and cried about it. After I had processed my anger, (self-regulated) I called a friend whom I trusted and knew would be PRESENT with me and we co-regulated together. Nothing had changed on the outside world, but I felt so much better on the inside because I was heard and validated. I cannot control what anyone else does or doesn’t do. It is their journey and they are doing what they need to do for themselves. All I can do is control myself and my reaction. It is truly a time for self-love and self-care.
My friend, who is a therapist and life coach, said “It is like watching a rotor rooter with my clients who are anxious about their health and finances and their stuff is coming up all over the place.” My shadow and unhealed parts of myself are also “showing up” as I get triggered emotionally. I’m learning to recognize that it is a cry to love myself unconditionally. It’s an opportunity for transformation and healing.
Because of this virus and all that has been stirred up within and without, I have a choice to become BITTER or BETTER. By the grace of God, I choose to become BETTER to the best of my ability. Some days I do better than others, but I keep “showing up”. I can ACCEPT what’s happening and have peace or I can RESIST and suffer. Acceptance is where the POWER lies. What are you choosing today?
I KNOW that the world will be a better place because of this PAUSE that was needed and necessary to bring the world back into balance and LOVE. I trust I will be stronger and more loving and will value what is truly important to me, which is family and friends. The virus that seems to separate us in the physical realm is bringing us together in the heart realm. Hearts are opening up as we are all ONE and not separate. My prayers and love are with you. Together we will get through this and shine even brighter.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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