Browsing all articles in Blog (Weekly)

I am worthy and deserving to receive

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

For those of you who have been reading my weekly blogs, you know I have been hearing the small, still voice of God for over 40 years. There have been many miracles I’ve shared in my book, “Simply a Woman of Faith” by listening and following Spirits guidance.

We all have the voice of God inside of us, but we often don’t trust it and think it’s our voice. It takes courage, practice, and a willingness to step out in faith when we don’t understand something we are guided to do. Can you relate?

I received money for my birthday from family and friends and wanted to buy a new 13 iPhone at the Verizon store. There was a big promotion going on for a new phone and iPad. They didn’t have the color phone I wanted in stock and it had to be ordered. I accepted that it would take 2 weeks to get it.

It was a bit overwhelming purchasing a new phone by myself and the manager, Kelly, was so helpful in guiding me to the right phone. I said, “If I were your mother, what would you advise?”

I’m not sure how or why I told him I was an alcohol and drug therapist for 20 years, but I did. He opened up and shared he was clean and sober for 7 years. We became fast friends as we both had the same Higher Power. I shared my family didn’t live here and were from Rhode Island. He smiled and said, “Now you have family here.”

As I was walking out of the store, I changed my mind and decided I wanted a pink phone instead of a blue one. They only had one black phone in stock and would also have to wait for a pink one.

 A few hours later, I received a call from Kelly telling me they just received a shipment and there was 1 pink 13 iPhone available. Was I interested? You bet I was and dropped everything to go to the store. It felt like a confirmation that I was to buy the phone.

I have an old iPad that works just fine so I didn’t need a new one. Kelly advised me to buy a new iPad because it was a great promotion. I prayed and asked God for guidance. I heard Spirit say, “I want you to buy it.” After some deliberation, I walked out of the store with a new phone and iPad.

Instead of being excited after my purchases, I felt stressed and questioned myself if I had really heard God’s voice to buy the iPad. I’m frugal and don’t usually buy new things for myself. Before going to bed, I tried to order a cover for the iPad on Amazon, but it wouldn’t go through.

Here is the message I received from Spirit that night before going to bed. 

“I’m a bit stressed Spirit. Did I do the right thing at Verizon by buying a new iPad when I didn’t need it?”

Message: You asked me to guide you and I did. You heard my voice to buy the iPad. Now ego is working hard to discredit my voice and is playing tricks. You feel guilty about spending the money and afraid you made a mistake. This is not of me. I want you to have this. You don’t understand why in this moment.

“Can I trust you God that it was your voice? Do I don’t feel worthy or deserving to buy a new iPad when the old one works fine?”

Yes, you can trust my voice. This was a big purchase and you are not used to spending this kind of money on yourself. Rest in me and stop trying to figure it out in your head. I want to give you a gift and you are having a hard time receiving it because you don’t feel worthy.

I had to go back to Verizon the next day as my contacts weren’t loaded into the iPad and stopped at a yard sale on the way there. I couldn’t believe it when I spotted the beautiful iPad cover that read “I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me.”  I walked to my car to get my new iPad hoping it would fit. Needless to say, it fit perfectly! God is good and faithful.

I was stunned and had tears in my eyes as I shared with the 2 women my struggle of buying the iPad the day before. They wouldn’t take the money for it when I went to pay for it. I also bought a water bottle that read YOU ARE WORTHY.

After I got in my car, I was very emotional and sobbed in gratitude because it was a confirmation that I had heard the voice of God and listened. I couldn’t wait to show it to Kelly when I arrived at Verizon. His face lit up and he said, “This is my favorite scripture that saved me when I got sober.”

We are truly all connected and ONE.

A birthday to remember

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

“We could spend our whole lives waiting for someone to apologize, or take responsibility for how they hurt us before we decide to let go. But the problem with that scenario is we have made someone else in charge of how and when we heal. If we truly want to break a cycle and heal, we have to forget about what the other person is or isn’t doing and focus entirely on our process.” Unknown

This truly was a birthday to remember! It almost felt like a rite of passage. It’s taken me ¾ of a century to set myself FREE. The greatest gift I’ve given myself is to know I AM THE ONE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!  After many years of disappointments, because I didn’t get what I thought I wanted and needed, it feels like a cycle has been broken. The past is gone and I will no longer let past patterns and other’s behaviors define me. Today I am celebrating ME.

Spirit has shown me how much needless suffering I’ve caused myself over the years. I gave my power away and lost my peace when I looked outside of myself for validation from my children. I wanted their approval and praise to feel good about myself and feel worthy and deserving of love. When I didn’t get what I thought I needed and wanted, especially around my birthday, I judged myself that I had done something wrong and wasn’t a good enough mother. Have you ever done this?

I invite you to take this opportunity to set yourself free and look inside and discover where you give your power away to others? It may be to your parents, spouse, significant other, boss, or friends.

I love the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. They are words of affirmation, quality time with one another, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts. Although each is very important in a relationship and can change over time in importance, I especially appreciate gifts and cards. I love to give and receive small gifts and meaningful cards. The tricky part in any relationship is when you don’t know one another’s love language and have different love languages. Of course, we all have different love languages and everyone is doing the best they can.

For most of my 30-year marriage, it wasn’t important to my ex-husband to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries and he would often forget my birthday. I felt angry and devastated that he forgot to honor and celebrate me year after year on my birthday.

I spent a few hours at the ocean the day before my birthday releasing beliefs that weren’t true and no longer served me. I forgave myself for:

·        Giving my power away and expecting children to validate and praise me

·        Judging myself and making myself wrong and not good enough

·        Judging children when they didn’t have the same love language

·        Not giving myself what I needed and expecting them to give it to me

·        Blaming myself for other’s dysfunctional behaviors

What I know in my heart is that I am responsible for my own happiness and peace of mind. I cannot depend on others to make me happy and make me feel good about myself. I am responsible for saving myself FROM MYSELF.

Something deep has shifted inside of me and I feel grateful, free, and lighter. I am choosing to give myself what I need and crave from others: respect, approval, praise, and love. I am no longer DEPENDENT on others for self-worth and approval.

It was a great birthday and I felt loved and appreciated. I started my birthday celebration with ALEXA singing happy birthday and Larry and I dancing to oldies in the living room. We ordered lunch from our favorite restaurant, Kula Bistro, and had a picnic with our dog, Kobe. I received beautiful red roses, gifts, cards, emails, texts from friends and family.

As the quote, in the beginning, stated: “If we truly want to break a cycle and heal, we have to forget about what the other person is or isn’t doing and focus entirely on our process.”

I had let go of what no longer served me and had no expectations or agenda from my children for my birthday. I felt free to allow them to do whatever they wanted to do or didn’t want to do without judgment. They all honored me with gifts and calls to wish me a happy birthday and I felt loved.

The icing on the cake was when I opened the gift from my son, Tim when we returned from lunch. It was a beautiful, soft, burgundy blanket that read:

BLESSED TO HAVE A MOM LIKE YOU:  Compassionate, beautiful, strong. You know me the best and love me the most. Dried my tears, held my hand, gave me wings, raised me up, the purest love, supportive, gracious, inspirational, wonderful, always with me, a heart of gold, taught me, love. I’m proud to call you mom. Guiding light. You helped me grow, cheered me on, first friend, best friend, forever friend. Grateful for your unconditional love.    THANK YOU MOM

I heard the small, still voice of God

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

The first thing I do when I open my eyes in the morning is to thank God for another day of life. I have a daily ritual when my feet hit the ground that includes my intention for the day.

My intention is to be peaceful, to love, to serve, to be healthy and happy, and to be a vessel of love to whomever and wherever God leads me.

I don’t look for people to talk to, it just happens organically and it’s so much fun. God knows who I will be aligned with and who needs to hear a message of hope and love.

I have to admit I love to talk to people and share my story and listen to theirs. I feel blessed and grateful to live in the land of ALOHA where the energy is love. People smile, say good morning and often remark that the energy is palatable and powerful.

A couple of days ago while frolicking and playing in the pool, I started chatting with 2 retired couples who had just arrived at the hotel the night before. I listened to their story and how happy they were as their sons were vacationing with them and had arranged the trip for them.

We chatted and laughed for almost an hour together. When people hear that I live on Maui, they always want to know how I got here. They say, “You are very blessed.” I smile and say, “Thank you, I know I am blessed.”

Of course, sharing my story of how I left my family, community, and friends to follow my heart and move to Maui is always interesting and inspiring, especially when I tell them I knew I was going to meet my soulmate.

It’s such a joy to share that not only did I meet my soulmate here, but we were married 4 years ago and we wrote a book together called, “It’s Never Too Late for Love.” The next day we met at the pool and they bought “It’s Never Too Late for Love” along with my book “Simply a Woman of Faith.”

I love how God markets the books. All I have to do is “show up” and be willing to open my mouth and trust God will use me for His highest good. People are hungry for love and connection.

Saturday is farmer’s market day. I enjoy taking my time and walking around to support and buy veggies from the farmers. There are also vendors that sell jewelry, paintings, and gift items. I stopped at a booth that I had never been to before. I bought a pair of earrings and complimented the artist on the beautiful hand-crafted jewelry she created.

The conversation opened up and she shared that her husband died 3 years ago and she moved to Maui after his death to be close to her only son. With tears in her eyes, she said, “We were married 30 years. I miss him so much as I always knew he had my back. It’s discouraging as there are not many men here.”

There was my opening to give her hope and share how I met Larry and how we wrote a book together. I’m not sure how it came up, but I shared it was my 75th birthday next week.

The man in the next booth heard it was my birthday and came over and sang happy birthday to me. Not only did he sing happy birthday to me, but he gifted me with hand-made soap on Maui. What a blessing to feel the love given so freely.

As I left the market, I heard Spirit say, “Go back and give her your book, “It’s Never Too Late for Love” and tell her that her husband wants her to have the book.” I don’t argue anymore when I hear the small, still, voice of God guide me to do something.

I turned my car around and went back to her booth to give her our book. After I gave her the message that her husband wanted her to have the book, she looked shocked and said, “Really, OMG” as her eyes filled up as she thanked me. 

We are all connected and need one another to support and love one another. What a privilege and honor to give and receive love. The world needs our light.

I gave myself extreme self-care

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

I counted the days before my trip to see my family in Rhode Island, especially after not seeing them for 2 years due to Covid. It was a great visit staying with my daughter, Mary, and grandson, Herbie on her farm. We had lots of fun and many opportunities to give and receive love.

Although I wasn’t sure what it would look like before I left, I decided I would give myself “extreme self-care” and rather than trying to control everything, I didn’t have an agenda or plan.It worked as I remained true to myself, relaxed, peaceful, and able to stay in the present moment, for the most part.

That’s not to say that everything went smoothly all the time because it didn’t. But I had the tools to *communicate *speak up *set boundaries *be accountable *forgive myself and others *be kind *make amends *accept what is *detach *let go and let God *feel my feelings and *not take things personally. WHEW!

My oldest grandson, Zach, married Francesca and it was a beautiful ceremony and celebration. My son, Tim, from Idaho, officiated the wedding, and Mary and I had a great time making all the flower arrangements for the wedding. I’m glad I didn’t know that Mary had volunteered us until I got there because I would have been stressed.

We had a 2- day family reunion at Mary’s and my son, Jimmy’s home which was lots of fun. I so enjoyed seeing all my children and grandchildren. We certainly had lots of hugs and love.

My birthday is October 2 and I will be 75 years young. Other than normal aches and pains, I have never felt better. My daughter surprised me with a family birthday party at the farm and a surprise party with some of my girlfriends at a restaurant. It’s not easy to surprise me, but she did it! I felt loved and blessed.

Although I love my family dearly and they love me, being with family and witnessing “old family patterns” triggered me and brought up my “stuff” to be healed and transformed.

I came across a poem called Life’s a Dance. “You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets channeled through the lens of whatever personal stuff they are going through at the moment. WHICH IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Just keep being yourself with as much integrity and love as possible.”  

I am grateful that I had many opportunities to practice what I have been learning for the past several decades. As the poem says, I cannot control what other people do, say, or behave. All I can control is my behavior and my attitude.

Although I loved being with family and friends, there is nothing like coming home after being away for 3 weeks. I missed Maui, Larry, and our dog, Kobe. Even though it was late at night and I had been up for almost 24 hours, it was a great homecoming. I knew Larry wouldn’t forget me, but I wasn’t sure about Kobe! They were both quite happy to have me home again.

As the plane landed and I looked outside the window, I became emotional as the tears flowed down my cheeks. I felt grateful and blessed to be living on Maui and to have arrived home safely. I visualized an invisible shield around me to protect me the whole time I was there and affirmed “I am peaceful, safe, and protected from anything and everyone that doesn’t serve my highest good.”

I am responsible to keep my vibration high in love and gratitude. When stepping into a higher vibration, I look within for direction and guidance. Part of raising my vibration is taking responsibility for myself and not making excuses for myself.

I’m celebrating how far I have come and the changes I have made within. Love is all there is and I’m grateful that I continue to choose love, despite whatever is going on externally around me.

My grandson is getting married

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs, Uncategorized     Comments No comments

I’ve been packing my suitcase for the last 2 weeks as I remember what I want to bring on my trip to Rhode Island. I don’t get stressed and am ready way before it’s time to leave. This will be my last blog until I return home to Maui on September 15th.

When you read this, I will be in the air flying over the Pacific Ocean. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve seen my children and grandchildren. It’s been too long and I miss them so much. We are having our family reunion and celebrating my 75th birthday together.

My oldest grandson, Zach is getting married and I will be there to celebrate with them. My daughter-in- law (Zach’s mother) died from cancer when she was 37. I was honored and thrilled when my grandson called and asked, “Grandma, will you dance with me for the mother and son dance?” We will be dancing to Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Iz. I know there won’t be a dry eye in the place.

I’m excited as well as concerned with the rise of COVID cases in the world. It’s not the best time to be getting on a plane and traveling to the east coast. I Keep checking inside to see if it’s God’s will for me to go. I am willing to cancel the trip if I hear Spirit tell me to do so, even though I would be terribly disappointed.

For the last 3 months, I have been meditating and daily affirming:

I am peaceful, safe and protected from everything and everyone that doesn’t serve my highest good. 

My trip to Rhode Island has been planned in the mind of God and it will flow with peace, ease, grace, safety, and fun.

Here is the message from Holy Spirit:

RELAX and rest in me. I guide you every minute of the day. You have been guided to travel to Rhode Island to see your family. If it wasn’t safe for YOU, you would know it and I would CLOSE the DOOR. Do not worry about anything. It’s all being taken care of. Open your heart to give and receive love. You will feel the love like never before and your light will shine like never before. So, relax and enjoy. You are protected by an “invisible shield” and nothing and no one can get through. Relax, you are in my hands. Rise above the battleground, you are safe and protected. Don’t give in to fear. You must trust and surrender. I go before you and your trip will flow with peace, ease and grace.

With the grace of God, I let go of old beliefs and family memories that no longer serve me. Ego is often alive and well when we are with family and old patterns play out.

I’m a planner and in the past have had every detail of the trip mapped out. God’s plan is so much better than mine and I’m letting go of MY PLAN and surrendering to YOUR PLAN. I can’t wait to share it with you when I return.

                                                   CLEANSING PRAYER

I AM now choosing to cleanse myself and release any and all thought forms, beings, situations, and energies that are no longer of service to my highest and greatest good… across all planes of my existence, across all universes, and across all lifetimes. I ask that all energies that are less than love be transmuted for the highest good of all, and so it is.

I would appreciate it if you keep me and my family in your prayers. Thank you.

How God provides

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

You relax on the plane, even though you don’t know the pilot.

You relax on a ship, even though you don’t know the captain.

You relax on a bus, even though you don’t know the driver.

           Why don’t you relax in life, knowing that God is in control?

The bottom line is that we want to control people, places, experiences, and things. We may even be addicted to control. We think our plan is better than God’s and we don’t trust God has our back and a better plan. We don’t want to accept what’s going on, and consequently, we struggle needlessly.

When we are concerned about a loved one and get caught up in obsessing, fixing, controlling, or worrying, we are not trusting the process and their journey. We have no idea what lessons God is teaching them.

Personally, I didn’t change and seek therapy until I was in enough pain and said, “Enough is enough.” The pain woke me up to a better way of living and I learned to forgive and take responsibility for my life, rather than blaming someone or something for my pain.

We often struggle, push and try to make things happen the way we want them to and think they should be. Closed doors are there for a reason, often to protect us from something that doesn’t serve our highest good in the present or the future. If we want peace, we are invited to let go and let God.

For many years, when I didn’t know what my next step was, I would say, “God, please close the door or open it if I am meant to do something, have something or move forward.” Doors have been closed in my face at the very last minute and it has always worked out for my good, although I didn’t see it at the moment.

Doors have opened up when I felt afraid, doubtful, and even paralyzed. But I trusted if the door was open, it was meant for me to walk through. It has always worked, and often better than I had expected.

Several years ago, before Larry and I were married, I moved into our present home that has a beautiful view overlooking the ocean. The door was opened, I followed my heart and took a BIG step in faith. My rent doubled and went from $1200 a month to $2500.  I trusted God would provide and HE did. Every month my rent was paid, often miraculously.  

I practice open and closed doors in BIG things and LITTLE things. Here is what happened this week. I went on the Facebook marketplace to look for an Echo Dot ALEXA for Larry when I’m away visiting family in Rhode Island. Do you ever walk into a room and can’t remember what you went in there for? Larry and I support one another and laugh about our memory lapses.

I found an ALEXA on the marketplace for $35 and offered him $25. He said he would take $30. It felt like a closed door and I was at peace with it, especially since Larry didn’t think he needed an ALEXA to help him remember things.

The very next day, I checked the marketplace again and there were two Echo Dot ALEXA’S and one Google Home for sale and she was asking $30 for all three. WOW, what a deal. I called her immediately to see if they were still available.

Not only were they still available, but she also offered to meet me at the beach and bring them over the next day. We laughed because it felt like a “drug deal” giving her money on the beach for my new devices.

We have them set up in the kitchen, bedroom, and den! We are having fun asking ALEXA about all kinds of things. Larry says, “Thank you ALEXA.” I’m at peace and relaxed leaving Larry for 3 weeks when I visit family in the hands of ALEXA.  

More importantly, I trust we are both in the hands of God knowing that God is in control and will protect us both while we are apart.

How did I get here?

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

I am so blessed and grateful to be retired for almost 13 years and living on Maui for 10 ½ years. I still ponder, “How did I get here?” My son, Tim, reminds me that I said I wanted to live on the water for as long as he can remember. I never dreamed it would be in beautiful Maui. God had a plan that was bigger and better than I could have ever imagined.

I have been writing my weekly blog for the last 13 years after “Simply a Woman of Faith” was published. It is truly a joy for me to share and inspire all of you who have followed my amazing journey. Thank you for reading the blogs and commenting on them when they resonate with you.

I didn’t remember that at the bottom of the blogs there is a DONATE button. Most people have probably never seen it as it has never been used. 

I received an email this week from a former client and friend commenting on last week’s blog. She wrote, “WOW I loved the blog, and did you know your donate button is not working?”

I wrote back and thanked her for her response and said, “No, I didn’t know it wasn’t working and if she or anyone else wanted to donate they could go to my PayPal page at

I didn’t expect anything and was shocked the next day when I opened my emails and received $500 from her through PayPal. I felt so loved and provided for as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

We had been having problems with the starter of our car and hoped it was a just a small thing. I was waiting for the car to be serviced when I saw the email and received the money from PayPal.

I was still in kind of a “daze” when the serviceman approached me with the bill 10 minutes after receiving $500 in PayPal. He said, “Mrs. Burns the starter for your car is going and you will need a new starter.” I couldn’t believe it when I saw that the bill was a little over $500.

WOW, God’s timing is always perfect. My former client whom I haven’t seen or talked to in a few years had no idea that we would need money to pay for the starter, but God knew. I have no idea what prompted her at this time, other than listening to the voice of Spirit to donate at this particular time.

This reminded me of something that happened to me about 40 years ago when I listened to the small, still voice of God within. Some of you have already heard the blouse story, but it’s worth retelling.

My ex-husband had been unemployed for a year, and we had 4 children under the age of 10. I had to swallow my pride when I applied for food stamps and welfare.

I had some time to kill as I waited to pick up the children from school. I decided to go to the local boutique to browse, even though I didn’t have any money to buy anything.

I spotted the clearance sale sign at the back of the store and walked over to the clothing rack. The BLOUSE jumped out at me and I fell in love with it. As I was reluctantly placing it back on the rack, I heard the small, still voice of God say, “Buy it and I will provide.”

The blouse was $10 and I had $10 in my wallet that was for milk and bread on my way home. Could I trust this was the voice of Spirit and not just my imagination? Miracles happened when I listened to God in the past. I bought the blouse and didn’t buy milk and bread on my way home.

I grabbed the mail when I returned home. There was a letter in the mailbox with no return address. Inside was a crisp $10 bill tucked inside a note card that read:

                                 TO PAT, FROM THE SON OF A CARPENTER

To this day, I have no idea who sent the money. It was from someone who heard the voice of Spirit and listened. God is faithful and provides. We are all connected and ONE.

A day of being gifted

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

Karen Salmansohn, author of “Think Happy” writes “Grumpy people are negative evidence collectors always looking for AWFUL things, people, and events to put into a mental folder called proof life is AWFUL. Happy people are positive evidence collectors constantly looking for AWESOME things, people, and events to put into their mental folder called proof life is AWESOME. What is in your folder?

I had an AWESOME Saturday! Saturday is my yard “sailing day” and farmers’ market day. When I’m aligned with Spirit everything unfolds perfectly in divine order and flows with peace, ease, and grace. 

I love roses and bought a yellow rose bush at the farmers’ market for $15. I couldn’t resist it when I heard its name, SPARKLE, and SHINE. Larry’s nickname for me is SPARKLE.

I was leaving the market to go to my car as my close friend Margie, author of “One with God” was walking toward me. She looked like she was in shock and was trembling. She said, “I started walking from my car and at my feet was a fat wad of cash.” We counted it together and it totaled $100 (mana from heaven). She was in tears by now and said,

 “I received a message from the Holy Spirit this morning that said I have enough and must trust that there will always be enough and all will be provided for.

I was led to gift Margie a yellow flower from the rose bush that I had just purchased. She thanked me and said, “I want to share this gift with you and reached into her pocket and gave me a $20 bill. I was surprised and thanked her for sharing her gift.  

We were still in the parking lot when we heard Over the Rainbow playing and then we danced together to White Sandy Beach after she sobbed in my arms when I heard Spirit say to tell her “the money you found was for you.”  

I continued “sailing” and found the perfect therapeutic neck pillow for the plane ride when I visit my family in Rhode Island at the end of the month. It was brand new and I paid $1 for it. I noticed a bag full of birthday balloons and gifts. I wanted to buy just one bag of balloons since I will be celebrating my 75th birthday with my family. She wanted to sell the whole bag of goodies for $20.  

I not only love when God provides for me at yard sales, but I love meeting new people and sharing my light and love. As I was getting into my car, the woman came after me and said, “Happy birthday, I want to gift you with these balloons.” 

When I walked into the next yard sale, the woman said, “Are you Pat Hastings?” I didn’t recognize her and said, “Yes, how do we know each other?” She said, “I have seen you on the neighborhood site and you wrote a book, right?”

When God gives me the opportunity to share about moving to Maui, meeting my soul mate, getting married, and writing a book together, I jump at it.

I shared with Lorie, her daughter, Gina and friend, Abby about my weekly inspirational blog and they all wanted to receive it. Lorie asked, “Where can I purchase your book?” I said, “We have them at home, I will bring you a copy since we live only a few blocks away.” As I was leaving to go back home, she gifted me with 2 beautiful candles.  

When I went home to get “It’s Never Too Late for Love” I heard Spirit say, bring a copy of “Simply a Woman of Faith” and give it to Lorie’s daughter, Gina as a gift. When I gifted the book to Gina, she said, “I love to read and have always wanted to write a book, maybe your book will inspire me.”

What an AWSOME day of gifting and being gifted. We are all given the choice to focus on what’s AWESOME or what’s AWFUL in our lives. What are you choosing?

Why it’s hard to ask for help

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

My mother died when I was 20 years old. It was my parents 25th wedding anniversary and they had just finished renewing their vows and ready to walk back down the aisle, when she passed out. By the time the fire department got there and transported her to the hospital, she was dead.  

I remember clearly saying to myself, “I have to be STRONG for my father because he was devastated. I didn’t even consider what my needs were and who would comfort me.  

The belief of having to be STRONG stayed with me for many years. I was the one that people came to for help because I was the STRONG one. It was important to look good on the outside, not be needy, or ask for help. I looked outside for validation because inside there was fear, self-hatred, and never feeling good enough. There was a hole in the soul that caused the disease to please.

Because of the belief that I had to be STRONG to feel loved, I didn’t know how to ask for help. I felt embarrassed, weak, vulnerable, and shame if I asked for help. I know today that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness.  

The belief of not asking for help was born out of a lack of respect and love for myself. A lack of self-respect can lead to feelings of unworthiness, or less importance than others, and cause us to subordinate our own needs and not ask for what we want.  

We have a chapter in our book, “It’s Never Too Late for Love” about asking for what you want and need. Why is it hard to ask for help?

  • We don’t want to be rejected
  • We don’t want to bother others
  • We may be afraid of what will be asked of us
  • We think we should know what to do
  • We don’t want to appear weak, needy, vulnerable, incompetent
  • We may not think our needs are important

I’m grateful that I have learned to ask for help and for what I want. If I hadn’t asked for help many years ago and went to therapy, I wouldn’t be who and where I am today. I was willing to do the deep inner work of healing and forgiveness.

I remember an incident many years ago when my ex-husband and I owned a Christian bookstore. We were having a very difficult time financially and thinking about closing the business. A regular customer invited us to their country club for dinner. After dinner drinks, the women turned to me and said, “Pat, I know it’s been difficult, is there anything that you need?” I took a deep breath and said, “We don’t have the money to pay our mortgage this month.” She said, “How much is it? I will talk to my husband tonight and get back to you.” The next day we had a check for the whole mortgage payment. Looking back, I realize I had the courage to be vulnerable, honest and ask for help. It gave her the opportunity to give and share her love.  

I received a gift this week from a friend who had the courage to be vulnerable as she broke down sobbing and asking for help. Rather than seeing her as weak and needy, I saw her strength and vulnerability. It was a gift because my friend allowed another friend and me to share our love, compassion, prayers, and kindness with her.  

My friend also had the belief that she always had to be STRONG. Asking for help and showing her vulnerability was huge for her. The pain was too great to carry alone anymore. I was reminded that a seemingly breakdown leads to a breakthrough.  

How about you? Are you able to ask for help or do you think you always need to be strong and in control? Asking for help when we need to is a sign of strength, rather than weakness.  

We are not meant to walk this journey alone, but we are here to support and love one another. We are all connected and ONE.     

I am now speaking up

Posted Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs     Comments No comments

“Anyone who is not on the same evolutionary and spiritual frequency will distance himself/herself from you, while all those who are on the same evolutionary and spiritual frequency as you will come closer to you; you will see how amazing it is to discover that everyone who needs to be by your side will ultimately appear in your life in the most spontaneous and divine manner.”

A couple of years ago my best friend told me she didn’t want to see me anymore because I had changed too much and she didn’t like something I had said to her. I felt devastated, hurt, sad, angry, and disappointed. It took time to process my feelings and let them go. I chose not to hold onto resentment and forgave her, even though I didn’t understand how this happened (until NOW) after 35 years of friendship. Like the quote says, anyone who is not on the same evolutionary and spiritual frequency will distance himself from you. No right or wrong, good or bad, accept what is.

As I sat around the table with my “Maui tribe” of women for a delicious Turkish breakfast, we all agreed that Spirit had brought us together and most likely, we had past lives together (everyone who needs to be by your side will ultimately appear in your life in the most spontaneous and divine manner.)

I was inspired to pose this question to my friends, “What was the greatest gift you received during COVID this past year? The love, gratitude, and sharing flowed as we opened our hearts more deeply to one another. We shared the joys as well as the pain of isolation and being alone during COVID.

I shared that my greatest gift from COVID was doing FaceTime with my daughter and grandson every day while they ate their dinner. They are on the east coast and we are 6 hours difference. Before COVID, we usually talked once or twice a week.

What a joy it was for us to just “shoot the breeze” about what was going on in our daily lives. My daughter took me on a farm tour of her amazing herb gardens that were magnificent this time of year. I watched my grandson compete at the gym. During this time, we supported, listened to, and loved one another. My daughter is truly is her mother’s daughter and I’m so proud of the woman and mother she has become.

AS YOU ARE SHIFTING, you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. When you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy, and focus.” Unknown

I don’t know about you, but I know I am not the same person I used to be. I feel changed from the inside out; alive and free to be myself. I always did the BEST I could at the time so I don’t beat up on myself. I’m just grateful for the changes and for the woman I am becoming.

Recently, a friend said something to me that was hurtful. Instead of being defensive and saying something sarcastic back or pushing it down and pretending nothing was wrong, I simply and lovingly said, “what you said didn’t feel good.” My friend immediately took responsibility for what she said and it was done. Where I once remained quiet, I am now speaking my truth.

I’m grateful that I recognized “at the moment” that what my friend said didn’t feel good. For so many years, I was numb and not in touch with my feelings. It may have taken a few hours or weeks to realize I felt hurt.

Where I once battled and argued because I wanted to be right and in control, I’m now choosing to remain silent. Choosing to be silent is a big one for me. I’m learning to mind my own business, unless I’m asked for advice, I try not to give it.

I am responsible for my own happiness. Everyone has their own journey and process and it’s not up to me to fix or show them the way. It is very liberating to realize that there are some situations that no longer deserve my time, energy, and focus.

 “Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, your hands for charity, your mind for truth, and your heart for love.”

blogs Categories

newsletter sign-up

Stay updated by signing up!

Simply A Woman of Faith

Pat’s book, Simply A Woman of Faith, is available for only $16.45 (incl. S&H).
Click here to order.


Recent Articles

Share This Experience!

Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

Simply A Woman of Faith
621 Laniolu Place Kihei, HI 96753