I love “synchronicities” and how Spirit always leads me when I listen to my intuition and follow it. I was led to do a “Pat day” as I refer to them, and took an early ferry to our neighboring island, called Lanai. I love being on the ferry as it touches my soul when I gaze into the beautiful blue ocean and just breathe.
We stood next to each other as we waited to get on the ferry and I started a conversation with Mellissa, which is so easy to do on Maui. She shared she was a traveling CNA and on her way to Lanai to get a drug screen and check out housing in the area. It was quite fascinating as she shared her journey of the last 2 years and all the places she’s traveled to. What an adventure, I thought.
I couldn’t help but notice the tattoos she had on both of her arms and asked if I could see them. There were beautiful flowers and symbols and a compass with the words underneath, “Lord, lead me.” Under that were the words, “My next will be braver than my now. My faith is stronger than my fear.”
Of course, that was my opening to share that I wrote a book called, “Simply a Woman of Faith.” I shared with her my story and how I followed my heart and moved to Maui. I told her about meeting Ellen in Rhode Island and being invited to stay with her in her condo overlooking the ocean.
We sat next to each other when we got on the ferry and continued our conversation. She shared more about how this job offer on Lanai just opened up the day before. It was her plan to go back to W. Virginia to visit family and she had just mailed all of her belongings a few days ago. God had other plans and she was following her heart. Within a couple of days after the offer, she had housing with a car included.
As I listened to Melissa and her trust in following God’s plan, something stirred inside of me. I looked at her and said, “I love your adventurous spirit.” She smiled and her face lit up. I then realized that I have the same adventurous spirit. I said, “You know what we see in others is in us, and I also have an adventurous spirit.” She smiled and said, “I was thinking the same thing, but didn’t want to sound weird.” We both laughed and I said, “We are both weird.” We knew meeting one another wasn’t an accident and it was meant to be. She invited me to stay with her in her new home when she moves in next month, which I will happily do.
After the intense year of traveling, retreats, graduating from the 6 months Sacred Feminine Mystery School and my own deep sexual healing, it is time to rest and integrate it all. Even though I am grateful for this rest period (which is so needed), it feels like I am in limbo and waiting for orders for my next assignment. There was so much expansion and growth and now it is time to contract and BE.
Because of this resting place, if you will, I didn’t see myself as having an “adventurous spirit.” I asked myself, “Why did I see it so clearly in her and didn’t recognize it in myself?” I needed to meet Melissa to remember and ACTIVATE my adventurous spirit.
I haven’t traveled all over the world (YET), but I have followed my heart and faced my fears in so many areas: going back to school in my forties, dropping out of school for 1 year because I didn’t think I could write a paper, writing a book, getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage and moving to Maui and leaving family, friends and community.
I’m not sure what Spirit is saying to me other than it’s not over yet baby and there is so much more adventure in you. I’m ready and willing to be guided. Show me the way Spirit. I say YES to the next adventure, whatever that is.
Melissa sent me a text the next day and said, “Small amount of time packed with adventure and aloha. I thanked God for you multiple times as you said many words I needed to hear and they put my wandering thoughts into place. I know we will see each other in the near future.”
It is my belief that living in the present moment is key to my peace of mind and spiritual health. Sometimes my mind is like a blender, jumping into the past or into the future. We are in trouble when we are in the “What ifs.”
For example: WHAT IF: I run out of money; I don’t have enough energy to do what I want to do; I don’t meet my soulmate; I don’t get clients; my health declines; I don’t have a place to live; I make a mistake; I lose my job; my business fails or my marriage fails. The list goes on and on. What are the “What ifs” in your life?
The key for me is to become AWARE when I’m NOT living in the present moment. I may notice tension in my body, irritability or fear in my gut. I lose my peace when I’m trying to figure things out, want to be right or trying to control an outcome or a person, place or thing.
It’s easy and common to lose our peace when we are in the “hallway” and don’t know the future and how things are going to work out, whether that be in business, health, financial or relationships. It’s in these “hallway” experiences (and I have had a lot of them) that my faith muscles grow stronger.
I am given the opportunity to trust and surrender to “what is.” I can CHOOSE to *complain, *bang on the door, *cry, * plead or I can CHOOSE to wait patiently for the next door to open or for guidance on what I am to do or know next. I can CHOOSE to trust God’s perfect timing. It is always my CHOICE!
I’ve had some health challenges (opportunities) for the past couple of months that have been scary, confusing and frustrating. Sometimes, it feels like I’m going down a rabbit’s hole trying to figure out what’s wrong and what to do next. I read one book and it says to do this to heal my body and another book says to do the direct opposite. I will continue to pursue my healing, knowing Spirit is guiding me. Who do I listen to?
• I’m listening to my body and what it needs and doesn’t need.
• I’m allowing myself to feel all of my feelings including frustration, anger, fear, disappointment, sadness.
• I’m CHOOSING LOVE.
• I’m staying positive and grateful for what I have and not what’s missing.
• I’m trusting Spirit to show me the next right step.
• I know that EVERYTHING has a purpose and is for my highest good.
• I’m practicing living in the moment because that is all there is and that is where God is.
• I’m trusting my intuition.
• I’m praying, meditating, being patient, letting go and surrendering.
Instead of all the “What ifs” which is often motivated by fear about the past or future, I am living in the present moment and “ACTING AS IF.” Acting as if means that if I want something, I must act as if I already have it in order to get it.
If I want to be healthy, I must act as if I am already healthy. If I want new friends, I must act as if I already have friends. If I want more money, I must act as if I have money, rather than come from a place of lack. The key is a willingness to look BEYOND my current reality, knowing that it can and will change.
I am healthy and whole, I am guided, I am protected, I am loved. My affirmation is: “Everything is flowing with peace, ease and grace and I have all the energy I need to do what I want to do.”
I love this season of my life where I do what I want, when I want and with whomever I want. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I check in with myself and ask Spirit to guide me as to what I am to do next or who I am to be with. Sometimes I take a walk early in the morning and sometimes at sunset on the beach.
Years ago, I remember a quote that spoke to my heart. “When you learn to trust yourself, you will know how to live.” It has taken me many years of hard work to trust myself and release old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me. I try to live in the moment and let go of the past and future. It’s not always easy, but I strive for it.
Of course, while I was raising a family and holding a full- time job. I had to do things I didn’t want to do, whether it was convenient or not. I didn’t have a choice when I had to nurse a baby in the middle of the night or get up with a sick child. I loved being a mother and don’t regret a minute of all that I did.
I didn’t know then what I know now about the importance of loving and appreciating myself, self-care and taking sacred time for myself. I had it backwards. I had to take care of everyone else first (including my ex-husband and children who were old enough to take care of themselves) before I did anything for myself. I said yes when I meant no and then felt resentful when I was exhausted. I’m grateful for all I have learned and continue to learn.
Being in a relationship and married now, I know it isn’t all about me and what I need and want. Larry and I work beautifully together to make our relationship harmonious. We listen to each other and negotiate our needs for the good of the relationship. We rarely question what the other is doing or not doing. We may suggest something to the other and then let it go if the other isn’t interested. Instead of being codependent or dependent, we are interdependent.
It’s interesting what happened this week when Larry was triggered by something I said. I went into the TV room and said, “I love how we respect one another’s decisions to do whatever we want to do for ourselves. I feel the freedom to do what I need to do for myself and think you do too.”
The Universe definitely set this up for us to communicate with one another. He looked at me and said, “I would appreciate it if you didn’t question me about when I have my breakfast.” I had no idea what he was talking about and asked him to explain.
Larry works on the computer in the morning and usually eats his breakfast about 11:00 am. That morning he came into the kitchen at 9:00 am and said, “I’m hungry and going to have my breakfast now. I was surprised and innocently said, “It’s only 9:00 am, you don’t ever have your breakfast at 9:00 am.” I had no intention of telling him what to do or what not to do. It was just a comment.
Larry then explained to me that he felt judged and like he was doing something wrong when I made the comment. We both realized he was being triggered by an old belief that no longer served him. His old belief was that he couldn’t relax until he was productive and finished his work.
I could certainly relate to that belief in my own life. If I didn’t check off things on my to-do list, I felt guilty that I didn’t do enough. It was hard to relax and do nothing if I wasn’t productive first.
We were both grateful that we recognized this old belief that keeps us from doing what we want when we want to do it. Communication, respect, trust, honesty and vulnerability with one another are key components of a healthy relationship.
As I look back on my life, I know that Spirit has guided me every step of the way, although it may not have felt that way when I was going through a difficult time.
Was it being in the right place at the right time? Was it through a closed door only to find out later it was for my highest good? Was it following my intuition? Was it giving a talk and a woman inviting me to come to Maui?
I often wonder, “How did I get here living on Maui?” I got here because I kept saying YES and trusting I was being guided. It was not easy leaving my family and friends and community 7 years ago to follow my heart and move to Maui.
I chose to TRUST myself and God that I would be provided for and kept safe. If I had not faced my fears and believed in myself, I would not be living my dream. I am so grateful for the grace and courage it took to step out in faith and follow my heart. How about you? Are you living your dream? Do you trust yourself that you are being guided?
One of the ways I am guided is through listening and trusting my feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. There were many years that I didn’t have a “feeling language” and didn’t know how or what I felt. I would ask others, “Would you feel this way if this happened to you?”
Today, I know what I’m feeling and am able to express my feelings in a healthy way. I pay attention to what I’m feeling and trust my feelings are there to guide me. If my feelings appear jumbled, I take the time to journal and go within to feel. It is my belief that I can’t heal what I can’t feel. I don’t allow myself to do a spiritual bypass because I don’t want to feel something.
Here is how I was guided this week.
I started to feel “uncomfortable” about a decision I made to do something a few weeks away. Even though I knew that I had a right to change my mind, I struggled and felt disappointed in myself that I didn’t want to do what I said I would do.
As I prayed about it, Spirit showed me that I was beating up on myself for changing my mind. Rather than trusting that perhaps I wasn’t meant to do this particular thing at this time, I judged myself and felt guilty. I asked myself, “Would you be compassionate and understanding to a friend who changed their mind?” Yes, of course, I would.
Here is the message I received from Spirit:
“Breathe, the truth is coming to the light. You are following your heart. You showed up and said yes. Nothing is lost. Can you trust that you are not meant to do this at this time? It doesn’t mean that you will never do it, but not now. Can you trust I’m leading you and you can trust your feelings? Give yourself a break. Love yourself. Be gentle and trust the process. I have your back. “
What is my truth?
*I can trust myself and my feelings. They are not right or wrong, they just are.
*I can trust God is guiding me.
*It’s ok to change my mind.
*I don’t need to beat up on myself, I need to accept and love myself.
*The will of God will never lead me where the GRACE of God will not protect me.
The good news is that I can change my mind over and over again and it’s all good. I’m not crazy or irrational, just following my heart.
What is your truth? Are you able to trust your feelings? Are you able to change your mind with peace, ease and grace or do you beat up on yourself for changing your mind?”
Whenever I meet a new person on Maui, the conversation goes like this, “Where did you come from, how long have you been here and what brought you here?” I always answer, “I followed my heart and I knew I was going to meet my soulmate.” There was an “inner knowing” that meeting my soulmate was part of God’s plan for my life and, by the grace of God, I was willing to do whatever I needed to do.
What does it mean to follow my heart? I was guided to follow my heart through Prayer, meditation, discernment, courage, patience, trusting in myself, letting go of fear and what other people thought and a willingness to step out in faith, trusting that the door would be closed or opened at the right and perfect time. It’s called FAITH and it works!
Many of you have been following our “love story” and how Larry and I met 7 1/2 years ago and then became husband and wife 2 years ago. But some of you who are new to reading the blogs don’t know the story and I’m being guided to share it with you to encourage you to follow your heart and trust in the desires of your heart, which I believe were placed in your heart by God.
I had been living on Maui for about a month when I attended a dance at the Senior Center with Pat and Ellen. I spotted Larry right away because I liked how he danced and he was nice looking. I mustered up the courage and asked him to dance. There were always more women so if I wanted to dance, I had to ask the man to dance. I danced with Larry once that night.
He was from Connecticut and had been living on Maui for 6 years. It was nice that we had the east coast connection in common. I attended weekly dances at the MAC and always asked Larry for a dance. There were many single women who wanted to dance and Larry danced with as many women as he could.
I liked Larry, but wasn’t attracted to him romantically. I will never forget at the end of a dance one night, he said something about LOVE. My ears perked up and I wanted to find out more about him. It was important for me to meet a man who danced and was spiritual.
When I moved closer to where Larry lived, he asked me if I would like to go for a walk and I said, “YES.” Although it took 2 years for my eyes to be opened, the rest is history.
Larry and I supported one another and became best friends quickly. We went out to lunch, talked every night on the phone and said, “I love you” before hanging up.
My children knew when I moved to Maui that it was my intention to meet my soulmate. I talked about Larry a lot and what good friends we were. My daughter would say, “Mom, what’s wrong with Larry, you are always talking about him?”
I answered, “We are best friends, but I’m not attracted to him physically.” You can’t make that happen. It’s there or it’s not. Larry had accepted that I just wanted friendship.
It is my belief that God’s timing is PERFECT- never early or late, but right on time. Although I sometimes was impatient, grumbled and wondered what was wrong with me when I saw other women getting into relationships, I trusted Spirit and WAITED, prayed, surrendered and let go.
I was single for 15 years before my eyes were opened and realized my soulmate, Larry, was right in front of me. We both needed to do inner work before we were ready to become united as a couple in body, mind and spirit.
I’m so grateful that I had the grace to follow my heart and trust in God’s perfect timing. I had my first dance on Maui with Larry and here I am 7 ½ years later dancing through my life with him. God is good.
When I worked as a therapist at the VA 20 years ago, I facilitated an interpersonal skills group which focused on assertiveness, setting boundaries, asking for what you wanted and saying no. We teach what we need to learn and I learned and practiced those skills well.
The pendulum often swings to the other side when we are learning a new skill. I spoke up about everything and confronted when I needed to. Family members weren’t happy with me and it took time for them to get the picture I was no longer passive and a doormat. The truth is I was teaching them how to speak up for themselves and to set boundaries.
It was empowering as I was standing in my power when I asked for what I wanted and said no when I wanted to. I didn’t always get what I wanted, but I got it some of the time. Being assertive was new for me as I grew up being passive and didn’t speak up until I really got angry. Then I blew up and looked like the crazy one. Of course, balance is the key in life. To know when to speak up and when to shut up.
As I sat on my lanai to pray and meditate as I do every day, I looked up in the sky and saw a beautiful white heron flying over me. As the bird flew higher and higher, I prayed “Take me as high as you want me to go Spirit.” I then noticed the bird stopped flapping its wings and just GLIDED through the air. It was glorious and the bird seemed to enjoy the wind carrying it through the air.
This spoke to my heart as I realized this is where I’m at; my wings have brought me here to this place in time as I have followed my heart and inner guidance. Now it was time for me to GLIDE.
Something inside of me was stirring so I decided to look up GLIDING in the dictionary. It said, “To move smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE.” The symbolic meaning of birds is FREEDOM because they have wings and they can go anywhere they want.
Like many of us, I have been flapping my wings for a very long time. I did a lot of traveling and “flapping” my wings this year; Rhode Island, N. Carolina, California, Costa Rica and back to N. Carolina. Flapping my wings reminds me of our masculine energy. Gliding through the air reminds me of our feminine energy.
MASCULINE ENERGY looks like:
*Pushing and making things happen
*Assertiveness-speaking up, setting boundaries, saying no
FEMININE ENERGY looks like:
*Accepting “what is”
*Detached from outcomes
*Listening to our intuition
*Living in the moment
Again, we need balance to know when to DO and take action, achieve, speak up and bring our dreams into the world and when to BE, wait, surrender, trust, allow, accept and GLIDE.
If your goal is a destination, think of the feminine as a map, and the masculine as a car. You need both to get to where you want to go.
At this moment in my life, I am like the bird GLIDING through the air, knowing I am supported by God and everything is perfect. I am moving smoothly and continually along, as if WITHOUT EFFORT OR RESISTANCE. Like the bird, I am free to go wherever I want to and whenever I want. It is very peaceful and serene.
How about you? Are you in balance with your masculine and feminine energies? What energy in your life do you need to learn and practice?
Larry and I celebrated our two- year anniversary this week. I remember so clearly when he proposed to me 3 years ago at Christmas. He got on his knees (in front of my girlfriends) and said, “You are my queen and I am your king; would you like to make it legal?” Of course, I said, “YES” and the rest is history.
We celebrated by going to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch and driving up country to see the beautiful Jacaranda trees blooming. It was a delightful day of just being together and enjoying one another’s company. Larry surprised me with 18 red roses and a beautiful anniversary card and gift. He has certainly made up for all the years of being forgotten on my birthday and anniversaries. I am grateful and blessed and the wait was worth it.
I am noticing that whenever I know the truth of who I am as a magnificent, beautiful, loving, light being, my ego acts up (and sometimes viciously) because it doesn’t want me to know the truth of who I am. It wants me to believe that I am separate from Source and alone. The Course in Miracles states “Rise above the battleground and learn to laugh at the ego thought system because it is not real and it is an illusion.” Truly the battle is in the mind.
This week Spirit revealed to me how the “not good enough” belief still infiltrates my thoughts sometimes and brings me into fear. I believe it is a universal core belief that needs to come to the light to be released and healed because it is not TRUE. It is insidious and shows up where I’m vulnerable and when I’m least expecting it. I was surprised when it “showed up” in my relationship with my husband, especially after feeling so loved for our anniversary. Here is what happened:
Larry and I had a busy day and didn’t spend much time sharing with one another, as we usually do. I woke up the next morning with a “fearful” uneasy feeling in my gut. I didn’t know what it was until I sat and meditated, prayed and journaled.
I felt fear that our relationship “wasn’t good enough” because we hadn’t spent much time together the day before. As I sat with it, I realized how absurd and crazy the “story” I was making up was. Was this a way of sabotaging myself and making me lose my peace?
Spirit guided me to write down the truth and what I love about our relationship and I humbly share it with you.
*Free of drama and stress
*Attitude of gratitude
*Spacious, as we give each other freedom to be and do what we want
*Flexibility and spontaneity
*Playful, fun and lots of laughter
*Open and honest communication
*Peaceful, pleasurable and loving
To sum it up; I feel heard, seen, trusted, protected, supported, cared for, nurtured, accepted, understood, respected and loved.
AND THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH
This “story” about our relationship not being enough is kind of embarrassing to share with you because it is so crazy and false. I share it with you to help you recognize where your ego may be robbing you of your peace by telling you that you are not enough, you don’t have enough or you don’t do enough. It’s a LIE!
Thank you Spirit for showing me the truth that I am enough right where I am. Everything is unfolding in the right and perfect way. I can relax, laugh at the ego and live in the moment. God has my back and the story is unfolding the way it is supposed to, and for this I am grateful. The truth shall set us free.
Have you ever told yourself a “story” and then later found out that it wasn’t true? You made it up in your mind and really believed it. It may be “He/she is really going to be angry with me or what kind of friend am I or he doesn’t love me.” It is amazing the stories we can make up in our minds. Can you relate?
I am a “recovering people pleaser” also known as a codependent. I sometimes still get triggered, but can usually catch it quickly, and for this I am grateful. Similar to a recovering alcoholic who hasn’t drank in years, he may be in a situation where he is tempted to pick up a drink. I was tempted to pick up an old behavior.
People pleasing was a way of life for me for many years. I put others’ needs before my own at the expense of myself because I thought that was being loving. I was taught that putting my needs first was selfish. I know today that I had it backwards. How could I love another when I didn’t love myself?
I remember years ago when I went out to lunch with a friend it would go something like this. “Where do you want to go for lunch? I don’t care, where do you want to go for lunch?” I may not have even known what I wanted so it was easier to just defer to what they wanted. It was also uncomfortable to have anyone angry at me so I would just go along with what they wanted.
I was given an opportunity this week to see my “story” and choose not to people please, and to put my wants/needs first. My friend and I had made plans to go out for the day, but hadn’t set the time. I wanted to leave at a certain time and she wanted to do something different. Neither was right or wrong, just different preferences. I texted her before I went to bed and said, “Since we are on a different timetable and I don’t want you to feel rushed, why don’t we drive our own cars and meet up when we get there.”
When I woke up the next morning, my “story” started to unfold quite loudly. It was like this inner bully saying, “She’s going to be angry with you that you suggested we take our own cars, what kind of friend are you that you had to leave at that time?” I felt guilty and wrong.
The old people pleasing behaviors were kicking in. Her needs were more important than mine. Feeling guilty is a red flag for me that I am not aligned with Spirit. I was able to recognize old behaviors, change the” story” and tell myself the truth. I hadn’t done anything wrong by speaking up for myself and stating what I wanted to do. After I processed it, I felt relieved, peaceful and back in my power.
What I have learned is that my needs are important and that it is self-care, not selfish. Of course, there are times when I CHOOSE to put another’s needs before my own. The difference is that it is a CHOICE and not out of guilt.
Where I looked “outside” for others to love and approve of me, I now go “inside” and give myself the love, approval and appreciation I deserve.
When I opened her text in the morning and got her message, I laughed at myself for my “story” that she would be angry at me. She responded to my suggestion of taking our own cars with “PERFECT.”
Thank you Spirit for the opportunity to see my growth and to see my “story” that wasn’t true. There is an even deeper “story” that many of us tell ourselves and that is that we are separate from God and we are alone. The truth is we are all connected and we are all ONE.
What is your “story” and is it time to change it?
We would love to hear from you about how this blog has helped you on your journey. Do you know the truth that you are ONE with God, and never alone?
I love how I am ALWAYS guided to the right and best decision for my life and for my highest good. Guidance comes in different ways when we are “awake” and “conscious” and living in the moment. When we ask Spirit to guide us, we are guided in major decisions for our life as well as everyday ordinary decisions. When we are rushing around and busy, we may not hear the guidance from within.
Over the years, I have learned to listen to the still, small voice within, even when I don’t understand it and it doesn’t make sense. It may take awhile, but eventually I get the message.
Guidance may come from our intuition when something just doesn’t feel right or from meditation, a song, a dream, something we read, talking to someone, or overhearing a conversation that enlightens us. The list goes on and on and I’m sure we all have stories of how we received guidance. Do you take time to listen to inner guidance or do you ignore it and then wonder why things aren’t going well?
I had a couple of things happen this week where I knew I was being guided. I felt exhausted after Larry’s birthday party last week and started to get a sore throat. I wanted to nip it in the bud and rested and took lots of vitamin C. A couple of days later, I came down with a “bug” with stomach cramps, gas and the runs. I was not a happy camper.
I happened to read a post on Facebook from a friend who had throat symptoms like I had. I sent her a message and then read some of the comments she received. Some people suggested she take vitamin C. Others shared about the dangers of taking too much vitamin C. I had never heard of taking too much vitamin C.
I was stunned when I googled it and realized I didn’t have a stomach “bug” after all. The suggested dosage for vitamin C is 2000 mg daily and I was taking 7000 mg. I immediately stopped taking it and my stomach “bug” went away. I would not have known this and probably still be experiencing a stomach “bug.” Guidance comes in all different places, even from Facebook.
I am scheduled for cataract surgery in 2 days. Larry had it done a few months ago and I knew it wasn’t a big deal. Although I have health insurance, I still had to pay a significant amount of money, like $4,000 for both eyes. The surgery would correct my long- distance vision, but I would have to wear glasses for close up like reading. If I wanted to have long distance and close up corrected, it would cost another $2000. I opted for the $4000 and would settle for readers until I received a phone call from my friend, Carole, in Rhode Island today.
It was great catching up with her because we hadn’t spoken in months. I shared about my cataract surgery and she said, “I had it done several years ago and I’m so grateful I opted to get both long distance and close up done, even though it cost more money. My sister is sorry she didn’t get it done because she has readers all over the house.”
I got off the phone and asked Spirit for guidance. Because of the money, I hadn’t even considered having it both done. I was settling because I was afraid to spend the money. I have always been provided for and know I always will be. I tell Larry, “God is my banker.”
I’m grateful that the belief of “not enough” was brought to the light so I could change it. I don’t need to settle because there is always enough. I’m grateful for the guidance and the phone call 2 days before the surgery. God is good.
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