I love surprises, but it’s not easy to surprise me because I’m intuitive and pick up on things easily. With that said, I want to share the biggest “surprise birthday gift” I received this week.
I was really looking forward to celebrating my birthday with Larry at our favorite restaurant, Sea House, in Lahaina. That morning, in prayer, I asked to be open to surprises. God answered that prayer BIG TIME.
We planned on leaving the house at 11 a.m. since the restaurant was an hour away. A couple of hours before leaving, Larry came to me and said, “I just got a phone call from, Sue, and she needs a ride home from the airport. Her plane arrives at 11 a.m. Her ride just cancelled, do you mind if we go to the airport first, pick her up, drive her home and then we can go to the restaurant?”
Although I wasn’t crazy about the idea, I knew it was important to Larry and he really wanted to help his friend out who was quite stressed about not having a ride home. I said, “Sure, we can do that.” I am so grateful I listened to my heart and was willing to change our plans to help someone else out.
When we pulled into the airport terminal, I was looking for Sue. When Larry pulled over to the curb, I said, “What are you doing? I don’t see Sue here.”
The next thing I knew there was a man that I didn’t recognize coming up to the door of our car. I said, “Who is this man and what is he doing here?” The next thing I knew he was opening the car door. When he took off his hat and sunglasses, I saw that it was my son, Timmy, who is from Boise Idaho.
I was in complete shock and couldn’t move or talk at first. I couldn’t believe my eyes that my son was standing in front of me wishing me a happy birthday. I can’t remember what I said other than OMG and then the tears flowed. Larry said he has never seen me like this. It was the best surprise birthday present ever.
As we were pulling away from the terminal, I noticed 3 women sitting on benches that had witnessed the surprise visit and they had BIG smiles on their faces. What a touching moment for all of us.
Tim called Larry a few weeks ago to tell him he was coming to surprise me for my birthday. Larry did a great job of keeping it a secret and coming up with the idea about his friend, Sue, needing a ride.
What a joy it has been having him stay with us for a few days. We snorkeled and kayaked and relaxed together. I knew Tim loved me, but actions speak louder than words. He was so attentive and kind to his “mamma.”
As the wave was breaking and we came out of the ocean from kayaking, he stood in front of me to protect me from getting hit. He always offered me his arm wherever we walked. I felt so cared for and loved.
We don’t have air conditioning and it has been very hot here on Maui this summer. Tim and I went to Home Depot and he bought us a portable air-conditioner and then installed it the next day. He said, “It is an early Christmas present.”
I feel so loved, blessed and grateful. Thank you family and friends for the surprises; flowers, cards, calls, gifts and lunches. God is so good!
When I shared with Larry 5 years ago “I have feelings for you” after 2 years of being best friends, he was very surprised and answered, “Let’s see what happens.” Not exactly what I wanted to hear!
To be fair to him, I had made it very clear that I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship and he accepted that. We often joked with one another and said, “We don’t want to mess up our relationship by going to the next level.”
It took about a week for us to go to the next level! We had already built the foundation of trust so it was easy to move forward. We have a lot in common and are compatible and we are very different in some areas. I guess that’s what makes it interesting, fun and sometimes challenging.
For example: I’m very expressive and get excited easily when a new opportunity comes or something good happens. I’m out there shouting from the roof tops to whomever will listen. Larry, on the other hand, is kind of laid back with an attitude of “Let’s see what happens.”
I know this about him and have accepted our differences. There is no right or wrong way, it’s just the way we have learned to process things. It’s not that he’s not excited and happy for me, because he’s very supportive of whatever I want to do in my life.
I asked Larry about where his “Let’s see what happens” attitude comes from. He said, “I guess I’m conservative and “Let’s see what happens” makes sense to me. I don’t count my chickens before they hatch and it protects me from disappointment.”
Here is what happened this week and how we worked through it.
I shared in last week’s blog that I had been on “Divine Pause” for the last 9 months. I prayed, waited, trusted, and surrendered my life to God. I trusted I would be guided and doors would open at the perfect and right time.
I also shared I was invited by Amrita Grace (Co-founder and director) to teach at the Divine Feminine Mystery School in November about Codependency-a subject that I am passionate about. She is recommending me as the Spiritual, Sexual Life Coach for the women if they want coaching while going through the program.
I’m over the top excited and said, “YES” when Amrita invited me to be on the staff at the school. I am honored and humbled for this opportunity to share my gifts and my own healing with the women going through the certification program.
Of course, I shared it with Larry when Amrita invited me to be on staff at the school. Larry responded calmly with “Let’s see what happens.” I felt disappointed because this is not what I wanted to hear. Instead of walking off in a huff and being angry with him, I simply asked him, “Could you please put aside for a moment your “Let’s see what happens” attitude and congratulate me and be happy for me?”
He quickly responded with a big smile, hug and congratulations. We both laughed and I felt heard and valued. I am learning to ask for what I want and need. I don’t always get it, but sometimes I do.
Is there such a thing as a “DIVINE PAUSE” button or have I made it up? Either way, it feels like it’s been God’s plan for me to be on DIVINE PAUSE for the last 8 months. The dictionary says pause means to “Interrupt action or speech briefly and a temporary stop or rest.”
If I believe my life is on “DIVINE PAUSE,” then I must trust everything is perfect and for my highest good. PAUSES are powerful, even though I may not like them and they feel like nothing is happening. I’ve asked God to run the show and get me out of the driver’s seat. Each morning, I connect with the divine Power within and turn my life and my will over to God. It’s called surrender.
As I reflect on the last 8 months after completing the Sacred Awakening & Healing 6- month training program and becoming a Licensed and Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator, I’ve asked myself, “What happened? Where did my passion go?” I was all ready to go and Spirit pushed, “PAUSE.” This is not what I wanted to hear and I struggled accepting it at first.
Instead of beating up on myself, thinking what’s wrong with me and feeling guilty that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue as a Spiritual Sexual Educator, I chose to TRUST MYSELF AND THE DIVINE PLAN and wait for guidance and direction.
I had to give myself permission to slow down and PAUSE, instead of staying busy and trying to make things happen. I pushed myself most of my life and my body was done with pushing. I had to go within through prayer and meditation and listen to my soul and what it wanted next.
My body was speaking and needed to rest and integrate all of the profound, deep healing that I experienced throughout the program.
When we are on DIVINE PAUSE, we may feel bored, unfulfilled, impatient, guilty, angry, frustrated and like we are not serving higher power and using our gifts. I struggled with this and wanted to push the PLAY button again and use my gifts for the highest good. It didn’t work!
I’m grateful that with the grace of God, I listened to my soul and rested and PAUSED. I became peaceful and surrendered, knowing God is in control and when the time was right, the PLAY button would be pushed again. During the DIVINE PAUSE, I went within to discover what I really wanted to do.
It is my joy and I LOVE working with women to help them love themselves and heal patterns of codependency. I’ve healed myself and know how to help women heal and recover. It is an honor and privilege to walk the sacred path of healing and transformation with women. Please contact me for a complimentary coaching session (on the phone) if you need help moving forward in your life.
Although I haven’t facilitated any Awakening and Healing workshops, I LOVE supporting the women in the sacred awakening community that I have been intimately involved with this past year.
I spoke with Amrita, the co-founder of the Sacred Awakening and Healing Mystery school and she’s invited me to teach a video class on codependency at the next certification training in November. Here is the link if you would like to check it out.
Not only will I be teaching a class at the training, Amrita is recommending me as a spiritual life coach for the women going through the program. Going through the program is intense and a deep dive into yourself. It will bring up issues and beliefs that no longer serve us.
It feels like the DIVINE PAUSE is now on DIVINE PLAY. I’m ready and willing to do your will, be the woman you created me to be and use my gifts for the greatest good of all.
I believe I attract everything and every experience into my life for my highest good. It may be to help me remember the truth of who I am (there is no separation and we are all ONE and connected) or to release an old belief that no longer serves me, but hurts me and keeps me “stuck in the muck.”
Whenever I follow my heart, whether that be moving 6000 miles away from my friends and family or getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage, there is a good possibility I may be judged and will disappoint a loved one. It may not be something big like moving, it may be saying no or setting a boundary. Our loved ones may experience feelings of hurt, anger, resentment or even abandonment.
If I want to be happy, peaceful, live the life of my dreams and most importantly do God’s will, I must be willing to deal with others’ disappointments and possible disapproval. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to follow your heart, knowing it may disappoint and anger loved ones, consciously or unconsciously.
I have personally experienced withdrawal, avoidance and being ignored by others. This is painful when a loved one withdraws, and I don’t know why they are withdrawing or ignoring me (and they won’t tell me why). They may have buried their feelings of hurt, anger or abandonment and it may come out sideways. Until they are ready to share their pain and release it, there is not much I can do, but to send love.
Many years ago, when my son and family moved to Florida and I wouldn’t see them often, especially holidays, I had to give myself permission to feel the disappointment, sadness and anger. I remember standing at the edge of the ocean, screaming and getting my anger out.
At first, I judged my feelings and felt guilty that I was angry. After all, they were doing what was right for them, even though I wasn’t happy with it. Once I was able to identify my feelings and give myself permission to feel, my peace returned and I was able to send them love and even be happy for them.
For many years, when I was ignored, forgotten or a loved one withdrew from me and didn’t give me the attention I craved, I automatically thought I DID SOMETHING WRONG and it was my fault. There was always a story I made up in my mind as I tried to figure out what I did to hurt them. I often found out that it had nothing to do with me and I was taking it personally. Can you relate?
I lost my peace and power this week when an old belief that no longer served me reared its head. I spent a lot of time by myself in prayer and meditation, as well as writing and exploring where the belief came from. The old belief originated as a child when I felt responsible for my mother and her alcoholism. I unconsciously felt guilty and wrong that I couldn’t fix her or make her better. The search for love from outside of ourselves is a sign of arrested emotional development. We strive to be the best in order to be noticed and found worthy of attention and love.
Intellectually, I know that I’m not responsible for others’ feelings or behaviors. What they do or don’t do is their business, not mine. It is another story emotionally when I’ve been hurt or ignored, like I was this week. I had the opportunity to work through it and release the old belief of feeling responsible for others’ feelings and behaviors.
The first step of healing is to become aware of what’s going on within. Guilt is usually an indicator for me that I’m taking responsibility for another’s behaviors and feelings. The belief is REVEALED to be HEALED and RELEASED because it no longer serves me.
The truth is I am responsible for myself; my behaviors, feelings, attitudes and actions. I cannot control or change another person, no matter how much I love them.
What is important is that I keep my side of the street clean. If I’ve hurt someone unintentionally, I make amends, as well as let go of judgement, blame, resentment and anger. I choose love, I send love and surrender to a Power greater than myself. I will continue to follow my heart and do God’s will.
Have you ever asked yourself, “How did I get here?” I know I have, all the time! I said this to my son, Tim, a few years ago and he said, “Mom, you have been talking about living on the water for as long as I can remember.” It was my dream to live on the water and I didn’t care if it was a pond, a lake, a puddle or the ocean!
I am blissful, peaceful and grateful when I sit outside every morning looking at the ocean, smelling the flowers, listening to the birds or watching the beautiful sunset every night. Dreams do come true and often much bigger than you expected. Dream BIG. I not only attracted living in a home overlooking the ocean, but I attracted a loving husband who respects, loves and cherishes me. How blessed I am.
My “spiritual practice” and awakening journey with Spirit for the past 45 years is extremely important to me. It has brought me to where and who I am today. I don’t do everything perfectly (I practice), and not in any special order, but I SHOW UP daily and allow Spirit to guide me, as I trust the day to unfold with peace, ease and grace. It has not always been easy as I have had to work through and heal many layers of sexual, emotional abuse and parental addiction. It has taken years to transform and heal and I am grateful I didn’t give up.
I would like to share these spiritual practices with you. If you are struggling in any area of your life, I invite you to incorporate any or all of what works for me.
I pray, meditate and journal daily
I let go and let God
I am assertive and ask for what I want
I set my intentions for the day
I choose love
I practice an attitude of gratitude
I allow myself to feel my feelings and express them when I want to
I let go of negativity and focus on the positive
I set boundaries and say no when needed
I listen to my intuition and follow its guidance
I detach when necessary
I ask for help when I need it
I speak my truth, even when it’s difficult
I see everything as opportunities- rather than problems
I eliminate “shoulds” from my life
I embrace and welcome change-rather than fear it
I trust and surrender to “what is”
I forgive myself and others
I love and appreciate myself
I ALLOW things to come to me, rather than make things happen
I live in the NOW moment, as tomorrow is not promised and the future is not here yet
I let go of victim, poor me mentality
I choose love, happiness and joy
I open to infinite possibilities
I take responsibility for my actions-rather than blaming someone else
I look for opportunities to serve
I believe everything happens for a reason and there is a purpose for everything
That is quite a list and I encourage you to choose what works for you. We are all connected and are ONE. I don’t do it perfectly and I forget the truth of who I am sometimes. When I get out of alignment (and I do), Spirit always brings me back home, to where I am meant to be.
It is my desire to live my life to the fullest and BE the woman God created me to be, using my gifts for the good of all. I choose to be a vessel of love, have fun, play and enjoy my life. We are not promised tomorrow, all we have is NOW and it’s never too late to begin. You are worth it and you deserve peace and love in your life.
I would be happy to help and assist you go deeper so you can live the life you deserve.
An invitation to come to Maui and be healed and transformed
AWAKENING TO YOUR SACRED SEXUALITY
- RECONNECT with your body, embrace your full feminine potential
- HEAL trauma that keeps you small and inhibited
- AWAKEN and nourish your powerful life force energy
- IGNITE your Divine Power in a uniquely feminine way
- RECLAIM your Passion, Power, Pleasure and Creativity
- EXPERIENCE more self-love, joy, expansion and vitality in your life
- SPEAK your truth with confidence, peace, ease and grace
This workshop is a great way to get introduced to sacred sexual awakening and healing (AH) in a safe, clear impeccable step-by-step process. The AH practice is a self-healing modality for clearing trauma, shame and blocks to pleasure and enjoyment. We hold trauma, emotional and energetic imprints in our bodies that can be released with this unique, transformational healing.
Facilitators: Pat Hastings-Burns, Antisk Atma, Barbara Lezynski
Date: January 5 & 6, 2019
Time: 9 am to 5 pm
Place: Waleia Healing Center, Maui HI
Price: $250 early bird special
To Sign Up Contact: Pat Hastings-Burns 401-862-8859
Larry and I arrived home on Sunday after our 2 week cruise to Australia. We really enjoyed the cruise, especially the food, staff and entertainment. We spent many hours just being together, dancing, reading, and loving one another. One of the highlights for me was winning the jive for “Dancing with the Stars.” What a thrill to perform with my dance partner in the theatre in front of a few thousand people. I really felt like a STAR.
It feels like something has “shifted” inside of me since the cruise and I don’t know what it is, but I know something is different. I am giving myself time to process it. I made the decision before I left to completely “unplug” from the world, which meant no phone, email, texts or Facebook for 2 weeks. I knew I would miss it, but I didn’t want anything to distract me from “living in the moment” and my time with Larry. I felt excited because I sensed it was going to be a powerful time together. My intention was to relax, be peaceful, be in the moment, have fun, pray, play, rest, enjoy, dance & be a vessel of love. I experienced all of the above and more.
I journaled daily so I was able to look back over the days and see what transpired for me. After we arrived on the MS Noordam and got settled into our room, Larry and I made a commitment to one another that we would not complain about anything, but be grateful for everything that happened. I immediately started a gratitude book that I wrote in daily.
Although there were many things to be grateful for, we had lots of “opportunities” to practice our commitment not to complain about anything. There are always lessons to be learned in life and it takes practice to become a master at what you are learning. We were learning about living in the NOW because it is all we have. The next minute is not promised. I asked myself, “Do I want to waste this precious moment complaining because I don’t like what’s happening or will I choose to be grateful, knowing that whatever is happening is for my highest good and a gift and opportunity to grow and learn?”
After only 5 days of cruising on the ocean, I woke up feeling a sense of “boredom.” I missed Maui, my girlfriends, my painting and my phone! I tried not to judge myself (a cruise of a lifetime with my beloved and I am feeling bored, what is wrong with you girl?) I shared it with Larry and he had just finished reading something from Eckhart Tolle’s book “Stillness Speaks” that talked about boredom. Tolle wrote, “Just feel it, just like you would sadness or anger. Go into it, rather than giving it meaning, because it’s not you.”
As I sat with it and prayed about it, I realized that I am fearful sometimes when I have nothing to do or nothing planned, even though I love the days where nothing is planned and I let the day unfold naturally. I still feel some anxiety when I don’t know what the next thing I am going to do is rather than enjoying the moment, living in the NOW and going with the flow. I asked myself, “Is this about my need to control and needing to know what’s next?” It definitely was. Since living in Maui, I have been practicing going with the flow and living in the moment so I was surprised to see there was more healing that I needed. It feels like I am being invited to a deeper level of BEING, trusting and letting go of control. Since I have come home, I feel more peaceful and relaxed. I haven’t “hit the ground running” like I always do when I return from a trip.
We had a wonderful experience on our cruise, but I am so happy to be home. I’ve discovered that I’m not a true and blue traveler and missed Maui and our home digs.
Pat shared that we had decided not to complain about anything, but to stay in a place of gratitude, acceptance and peace. A few occasions arose that truly challenged me to practice this. First of all, after 5 or 6 days on the ship I started to get a sore throat that turned into a full blown cold and cough. My response to that in the past would have been, “Poor me, I paid all this money on a cruise anticipating a wonderful time and I get sick.” But I didn’t go there and didn’t complain. Then Pat got sick which was kind of expected. She also stayed positive and was able to function well. We spent lots of time reading, relaxing and spending quality time together, which is exactly what the doctor ordered.
I’m reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “Stillness Speaks” in which he suggests that we are not our thoughts, we are not our sickness or trials, we are “WHO” is aware of them. He invites us to not take our thoughts to seriously, to not own our sickness or trials and to not hold onto them, but to allow ourselves to go through them to the other side, to awareness. With these intentions in mind, this is what I tried to do when I got sick. I was only incapacitated for one day, then started to feel better. Pat spoke to the doctor on the ship and he told her these coughs were lasting for 7-14 days and his lasted for 6 months.
The second challenge came after we disembarked from the ship at 8 a.m. in the morning. The taxi picked us up to take us to our hotel. Our flight back to Maui was at 9:30 p.m., so we had all day to tour Sydney. We booked a hotel for the day through Travelocity so we could relax and take a shower before our 10 hour flight back.
The taxi cab driver kept driving around in circles trying to find the hotel (as I watched his meter going higher and higher.) Would you believe there was no hotel when we arrived at the address given to us? We tried calling the hotel, but there was no answer. There we were at 9 a.m. in the morning with 6 suitcases and no hotel for us to stay. It would have been so easy for me to feel angry, frustrated and fearful, but I didn’t go there. I was able to almost see the comedic aspect of the whole thing as I looked over at Pat with her eyes closed repeating, “Everything is flowing with peace, ease and grace, everything is flowing with peace, ease and grace.”
Meanwhile, the cab had pulled over to the curb and stopped in front of another hotel. I asked the manager of the hotel if he had a room available and he said, “Yes, but you are lucky because they were completely booked for Friday and Saturday. So we were able to get a room right away at the same price we had paid for at the phantom hotel.
We made plans for the same taxi driver Sam to pick us up at 7:00 p.m.and drive us to the airport for our flight at 9:30 p.m. We waited for him in front of the hotel until 7:15 p.m. but no cab driver in sight. We knew if we didn’t leave very soon we would miss our flight. We called another taxi company that arrived ten minutes later and off we went racing to the airport. Again, we didn’t complain and didn’t allow fear, frustration, or anger to enter our energy. On the way to the airport, I turned to Pat and said, “We have to send “Sam” love and forgiveness” and she agreed.
I am learning little by little that if I can live in the moment and trust the energy of love, situations can be resolved in a way that doesn’t require us to get upset, stressed out and life is so much more enjoyable. I’m really happy that after all these years I am beginning to remember that I always have a choice, in difficult situations: to get frustrated, angry and stressed out or to stay present in the moment and trust there is an energy, if I am open to it that is peaceful and will offer a solution to the problem.
“The more serendipity we have in our life, the more spiritually connected we are. We’re tuned in, attentive, aware, and detached. We’re getting responses to questions and meeting the people we need to be with at just the right moments. We couldn’t have planned it better. We couldn’t have planned it at all. Serendipity is a sign that we’re letting the universe organize the events that lead to answered questions and fulfilled dreams. Life becomes a process of unraveling a mystery.” Robert Fulghum
When I heard the news that the New Thought inspirational leader, Dr. Wayne Dyer had passed over, I was shocked and saddened. He had such a powerful presence in this world and was still so active in the community. Over the years, I have read many of his books, watched PBS specials and attended a conference in Florida with him. His book, “Change Your Thinking – Change Your Life” was life changing for me and millions of others. Dr. Dyer had completed his work on this planet to go onto his “NEXT ADVENTURE.”
I learned of his passing on Sunday night, right before I went to bed. I didn’t sleep well thinking about him and what his family must be going through. It is my understanding that he died on Saturday night from a heart attack. On Saturday morning, I found Wayne Dyer’s brand new “Inner Peace” cards at a yard sale. “Wasn’t that serendipitous?” I thought.
On Sunday morning, as I was preparing to leave the house, I looked out over the ocean and witnessed the most amazing rainbow extending over the whole sky. I had never seen one quite that beautiful with the vibrant orange and purple colors and it lasted for quite a long time. Of course, I had no idea that Wayne Dyer had passed over during the night. Could this be a sign from God that he was on to his “NEXT ADVENTURE” and God was welcoming him back home? I like to think it was!
As I said, I had a difficult time sleeping on Sunday night when I heard of his passing. In the morning, while trying to meditate and understand the meaning of his death, I sensed in my spirit, God saying, “This is a wake-up call for the world.”
For me, the wake-up call means that I am not promised tomorrow or the next moment. All I have is today and this precious moment God has given me to live in love or fear. It is my CHOICE. We all have the choice to trust God and live in faith, knowing we have everything we need in this MOMENT. The future is not here and may not ever be here. So why do we worry about what is not here yet? Is it a habit or an addiction? Worrying is an illusion and never helps anyone. What will it take for us to let go, surrender and trust God that all is well and we are being taken care of?
Like all of you, I am not immune to fear. When I allow myself to stay in fear because of negative thinking, I am robbed of the present moment. If I think about what could happen in the future, (especially not having enough money to live on Maui or Larry becoming ill and dying), I lose my peace and my mind is like a blender. When I become aware of what I call “future tripping” I immediately say to myself DELETE, DELETE. Some days I am doing a lot of deleting! I also REMEMBER all the times that God has provided for me in the past.
I recently heard Dr. Dyer on a radio show speaking about how he was ready for his “NEXT ADVENTURE.” I wondered to myself, if he knew he was going to die the next day, would he have done anything differently? I believed he lived his life with love and on purpose. What would you do differently if you knew you were going to die tomorrow? All that would matter to me if I knew I was going to die tomorrow is that I was with my loved ones and they knew how much I loved them. Because Love is all there is.
Serendipitously, Larry and I were scheduled to attend a workshop called “Sacred Living, Sacred Dying” with Sharon Lund on Monday morning. I was still feeling sad about Dr. Dyer’s death and thought it was timely that we were taking the workshop that day. I wondered what talking about “Sacred Dying” would bring up for me. It was a great interactive workshop and I learned a lot of valuable information that I will implement in my life. I really appreciated exploring what we wanted and didn’t want for our final “celebration of life” as well as leaving a legacy of love for our loved ones.
When I left the workshop, I felt excited about working on my final “celebration of life.” I wasn’t excited about dying, but not afraid to die either. I felt excited about celebrating how I am living my life today and the life I have created. I can truly say that I am living my life to the fullest and would not have any regrets if I were to die tomorrow. I am grateful that I am living my mission to love and to inspire others to find the God within. I am ready for the NEXT ADVENTURE, whatever that may be. Larry shares his experiences about how he chooses love instead of fear.
We’ve all had experiences in our lives that help us to remember how fragile life is and that remind us to live in the moment because that’s what’s real and we never know when it will be our last moment.
When I heard about Dr. Wayne Dyer’s passing, like Pat, I felt shocked and saddened by his sudden death. There’s a part of me that wonders why a person so talented and so in touch with spirit would be taken from us, it seems we need more philosophers and inspirational teachers to help us with our journey, not less. Then there is a part of me that reasons that we don’t know God’s plan and all we are promised is this moment. Dr. Wayne Dyer has crossed over and is on to another adventure, his spirit will continue to live on through his books and writings. He will continue to touch many souls as he has touched mine.
When I heard about Dr. Dyer’s death, it brought home to me that I am a year older than he was. We never know when our train will reach its final destination, do we? Before my train comes into the station I want to live, laugh, and love in the NOW because that’s all we really have.
Although I don’t think I fear death, fear is something we all have to deal with. We react many ways to fear: we sometimes run and hide, we may become angry and strike out physically or psychologically. Fear sometimes causes us to shut down emotionally. As I look back on raising my two boys, I think some of my decisions were based in fear. For example: If I didn’t discipline them, I was fearful that they would get into trouble and get into drugs or crime. If they didn’t receive a good education, I was fearful they wouldn’t be able to make it on their own. I was fearful that if I didn’t teach them to take responsibility for their actions they would grow up blaming someone or something for their failures or unhappiness. These are good qualities to instill in our children, but better done from love rather than fear. Now when I recognize fear, I handle it differently.
As I walk my journey, I have discovered that the single most powerful energy known to humankind is “LOVE.” I believe there is nothing stronger than the power of “LOVE.” Fear disguises itself so well, sometimes I have a difficult time identifying it in my life. I have developed a habit of consciously choosing LOVE and deleting fear when I realize that fear is raising its ugly head, I simply say “I delete fear and I choose LOVE.” I continue to say that until I feel the fear disappear and the peace and love enter my being. It works incredibly well for me.
I’m not that comfortable with dentist’s and doctor’s appointments so when I have an appointment I will take a few moments and just declare that I’m not going to let fear into my life. I consciously choose LOVE. Any time you feel fearful, stressed, judged, unappreciated, unworthy, I encourage you to open your heart to the energy and light of LOVE. I think you will be glad you did.
Someone asked me, “If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do differently today?” I think I am probably the happiest man in the world. I wake up every day with a heart filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. I have everything I want. I live in the most beautiful place on earth (to me anyway) and there is no other place I would rather be than with a wonderful, beautiful woman whom I love and who loves me. There is nothing I would do differently. I would spend the day with my sweetheart enjoying each other and our environment and try to be the best vessel of love I could be.
Author Melody Beattie writes, “Gratitude makes you happier. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Although it is my daily practice to be grateful for everything that comes into my life, whether I like it or not, I don’t always FEEL grateful. Sometimes it is a choice that I make because I know I will feel better and lighter if I practice gratitude. For example, I was driving in my car the other day and feeling kind of low as deep sadness welled up inside of me. I didn’t like how I was feeling, but I knew I needed to stay with it and allow whatever needed to be healed to come up. I know that happiness is an inside job and I will be as happy as I choose and want to be. I wanted to feel happy and not sad.
There is a delicate balance of admitting and allowing myself to feel my feelings so I can release and move through them and not staying “stuck in yuck” for longer than I need to. I had to let go of my need to control and figure out where the sadness was coming from. I needed to trust the process that it would be revealed to me in the right and perfect time. And it was!
My mood started to shift as I shouted out loud in my car, “I choose to be happy, I am happy. I am grateful.” I was definitely feeling better (not totally myself though) when I arrived at Larry’s house for dinner. Larry and I had had a “misunderstanding” the night before and I thought that could be a part of my sadness, but I wasn’t sure because the sadness I was feeling seemed to be way out of proportion to what happened with us. I knew it was “my stuff” from the past that was being triggered and coming up.
As Larry and I discussed our “misunderstanding” of the night before and each of our perceptions of what happened, the tears started to flow down my cheeks. It was like Spirit shone a light into my heart and I saw where the pain and sadness were coming from. It has been my experience that intimate relationships have a way of bringing up your “stuff” to be released and healed. Both Larry and I were triggered with “past stuff” and both experienced deep healing and transformation because of it. Thank you God because what sometimes feels like a set-back can really be a set-up by God. We were definitely set-up!
On another note, as I sat to write my blog today, I was definitely feeling gratitude for how things worked out for me this morning. Several weeks ago, while using the exercise bands at my aerobics class, I did something to my shoulder, but didn’t feel it until the next day. I have been icing it and using Arnica to help my healing. Although my shoulder was getting better, I still didn’t have full range of motion and it hurt when I moved it in a certain way.
I woke up on Friday morning and decided to go to the 9:30 a.m. aerobics class in the pool at the Fairmont Hotel. I knew water exercises were really good for healing, but I wasn’t sure what the best exercises would be. I didn’t want to re-injure it or make it worse. When I arrived, I was disappointed to see that the pool was empty and wondered if the class had been cancelled.
With that, this woman appeared before me and I heard her asking the woman sitting in the lounge chair, “Are you interested in joining the water aerobics class in the pool today?” I didn’t hear what the woman answered but I immediately piped up and said, “I am interested.” She smiled and said, “Great, we will do a class just for you.” Apparently, she had been walking around the pool and asking if anyone was interested in joining the class because she didn’t want to cancel it. She was about to leave when I “showed up.” When we got into the pool she smiled and said, “I am so glad you came, I really wanted to get in the pool today and teach a class.”
The instructor, Nancy said, “So Pat, tell me about what you need today.” I told her about what happened to my shoulder and that I was interested in exercises to strengthen my shoulder. For one hour, I had a private session with her that was totally focused on me and what I needed to do for my shoulder. My shoulder feels much better and now I know exactly what exercises to do to continue my healing.
One of the things that I love about living in Maui is how I have learned to live in the moment and follow the flow of what is before me. I followed my intuition on Friday morning to go to the water aerobics class and then had the opportunity to ask for what I wanted. Not only was I blessed to have a private lesson to focus on the best exercises for my shoulder, but the instructor, Nancy, was given the opportunity to share her gifts. A win-win for both of us.
So, all in all it’s been a great week of healing emotionally, spiritually and physically. I continue to practice gratitude, trusting everything is in perfect and divine timing.
A few months ago, I received an email from a woman named Karen. I met Karen at a conference in Rhode Island about 5 or 6 years ago. She explained that she was coming to Maui for Life Coach training in May. Since she receives my weekly inspirational blogs, she knew that I lived in Maui and asked if I could recommend a place to stay before and after the conference. I wrote back and invited her to stay with me. Even though we didn’t know one another well, I felt happy to reach out and have her stay with me. She thought it was a great idea and accepted the invitation.
We both woke up at the same time and as I came out of my bedroom, she asked, “Pat, How did you sleep?” I said, “I was awake at 4 am and God was speaking to me about the both of us. I would like to do my prayer and meditation first and then we can talk.” She said, “Ok.” Then she immediately said, “I love turtles and I’m seeing them all over this place.” I was shocked because I had no idea that she loved turtles and I was about to give her the sea glass turtle. I then said, “We need to talk now.” I put the turtle in her hand and we sat on the couch as I shared what happened in the middle of the night. Her mouth opened and she said, “You are kidding me, right?” She held the turtle in her hand and sat quietly as I read the chapter to her.
Chapter 7 “Slowliness is Godliness”
“God has been speaking to me about turtles and I’m seeing them all over the place. Slow and steady, the turtle knows when to move and when to stay still and rest. Through turtles, God teaches me about patience and Godliness. Turtles go within for answers because they know the truth is within. As the turtle knows when to go in, I’m learning to go inside and trust myself, my intuition and my gut. When I go inside, I ask myself “What am I feeling and thinking?” I sometimes need to change my stinking thinking. It’s so easy to take things personally or jump to conclusions and be negative. When I stick my head out, like the turtle, I ask myself, “What action do I need to take?” It may be that I need to speak up, set a boundary, say “no,” forgive someone or let go of a resentment.
Why is the turtle so powerful a symbol for me? Most of my life, I’ve acted just the opposite and never rested or went within for my answers. I constantly raced around, going from one thing to another. Rushing was my addiction. If I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have time to feel my feelings and go within. It gave me energy when I rushed. I felt powerful when I multi-tasked and felt in control. Just like the alcoholic who uses alcohol to medicate painful feelings, I used rushing to medicate painful feelings from my childhood. I always pushed myself to do more and be more. I never felt good enough and didn’t know how to relax.
A friend told me that rushing was abusive and a death wish. It’s a death wish because when I rush all the time, I disconnect from myself and from the divine energy of God within. When I rush, I’m not respecting myself or the God within. I’ve rushed all my life. I had to get things done quickly and I never took my time with anything. Rushing puts you into adrenaline overload and drenches the body in epinephrine, a hormone stimulated by stress, anger or fear.
God showed me it started when I was seven years old growing up in my alcoholic home. I never knew if promises were going to be kept because of the drinking. I didn’t know if my mom would be there when I got home from school or if she would be drunk. She would often take off for days and nobody knew where she was. It was scary being a little girl and not knowing if my mother was dead or alive when she didn’t come home. I never heard the phrase “Take your time” growing up. It was always “Hurry up.”
I knew that If I wanted peace in my life, I had to change. It only takes one person to change your life – you. I had to slow down, be conscious and learn to live in the moment. I asked God for the grace to slow down and relax. With this new awareness of my rushing and the damage it was doing to me, I started to observe the many areas in my life that I rushed. I walked fast, I drove fast, and I ate fast. I even talked fast and sometimes finished others’ sentences for them.
I recently drove my son Jimmy to the airport and gave myself plenty of time to get there. We were half way there when he looked over at me and said, “Mom, why are you driving so slowly?” “I’m practicing being in the moment and not rushing,” I said. “You don’t need to practice when I’m in the car,” he answered with a grin.”
Karen thanked me when I finished reading her the chapter. She really related to it and was able to see her own rushing addiction that she really wanted God to change. She said, “I never thought of it as being abusive to myself.”
Reading her the chapter was not only a gift to her, but a gift to me because I realized how God had answered my prayer and given me the grace to change. My book was published 6 years ago, and today I have more peace in my heart and soul than I have ever had. What is better than a peaceful heart? Peace and happiness go together. Those who live in peace, live in joy.
Since moving to Maui, I truly have slowed down and have learned to just BE and live in the present moment. If I find myself tempted to rush, I quickly remind myself that it is abusive and not who I am anymore. I am living heaven on earth and have been transformed by Spirit. It is never too late to change. Ask Spirit for what you need and want. Expect and believe your prayers are answered. You are worth it!
May the God of the present moment be with you, slowing you down, revealing to you the sacred gift hidden in each moment of your day. May you develop a reflective heart, able to be present to life, a heart that can take time to move beyond the visible to touch the precious mystery of life and living.
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- I had the Surprise of my Life
- Larry’s reaction when I shared I have feelings for you
- The Divine Pause
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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