Do you BLAME others for your unhappiness?

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Do you BLAME others when you are unhappy, stressed, angry, or unfulfilled? Have you ever blamed someone and said, “You make me so angry?”

 Its easier to look at others and what they are doing or not doing (that I think they should be doing) than to look at myself and see how I’m reacting. Can you relate?

When I’m BLAMING another for my unhappiness and wanting things to be different, I’m not accepting “What is” and I’m giving my power away. I don’t have to take responsibility for myself and CHANGE my reactions and what needs to be changed in me when I’m focused on another’s behavior.

The bottom line is that I cannot control or change another person, no matter how hard I try. I was a Master Manipulator to get what I wanted. It only frustrated me, and the other person, and it didn’t work. I didn’t know any better and didn’t have the skills to communicate what I wanted. People change when they want to and are ready. It’s often when things are out of control and painful that change happens.

I stayed in a marriage for 30 years because I didn’t have the courage, self-worth, or strength to leave. I blamed him for his passive aggressive behavior and forgetting important events like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  Yes, it was painful and I suffered for years and felt like a “victim.”

When I BLAME others:

  • I lose my peace and give my power away
  • I don’t take responsibility for myself or my actions and reactions
  • I don’t accept “what is”
  • I feel and act like a victim – poor me
  • I’m unable to see the PERFECTION in everything and everyone
  • I want to control others and change them
  • I’m judging myself as we are all ONE. You are me & I am you.

I didn’t know I had CHOICES. Rather than blaming another, withdrawing and closing my heart, I could choose and send Love. I could set boundaries, speak up, leave, detach, say no or yes. I could give myself what I needed rather than always feeling like a victim. I could forgive myself and the person who hurt me. I could shine my light and be a vessel of love.

When someone acts unkindly, selfish or withholds their love from me, I believe it is a cry for love and that in the moment they don’t love themselves and are acting out of fear and not from their heart, where there is love and light. The truth is no one can upset me unless I already hold the upset or anger inside of me. They may “trigger it” but it was there to begin with or I would not have felt hurt or insulted.

I’m getting lots of opportunities to practice not being offended and taking things personally. I’m realizing that the other person didn’t mean or intend to hurt me. I’m learning to send love and thank them for triggering me as they are showing me an area that needs my light and love. I was triggered last week and was tempted to blame, rather than look at myself and what was inside.

I shared with one of my children the powerful “egg” experience that I had last week. Their response was not what I expected. I felt triggered, angry, dismissed, and judged. After our phone conversation, I allowed myself to feel my feelings and did the EFT tapping to free myself and let go. I detached and accepted “what is.” It moved through me quickly as I surrendered to the present moment and kept my heart open.

A few days later, I shared another experience with the “egg” with my child and they had the same response. Instead of being triggered and feeling dismissed and angry, I LAUGHED. Spirit showed me my growth and how I had moved through it by doing the inner work and releasing what no longer served me.

It was the same response, but I had changed and healed. I had given myself the love and support I needed, rather than looking outside of myself for affirmation and praise.

Today, I am celebrating and embracing the truth of who I am. I am Divine. I am Love and I am Light. And so are you.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

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