I’m sure you’ve heard that healing is like peeling an onion. Healing goes deeper and deeper, and it can be messy and challenging when things are trying to come up to the light to be healed and transformed.
Have you ever said to yourself, “I have already dealt with that issue, why is it coming up again and why now?” I have been on the spiritual path for over 4 decades and have done lots of healing and clearing and “stuff” still comes up for me.
Instead of beating up on myself and asking WHY is this happening, I have compassion for myself and have learned to allow myself to go into the pain and go deeper. I am not saying it is easy, because it’s not. I allow myself to feel my feelings for to feel is to heal, no matter how many times I have done it before.
I am willing to dig deep and get to the root of what’s coming up because I want to be free and live the life God intended me to live. It is usually triggered by something in my present that I have allowed to trigger me. It’s never the “other person” to blame. It’s about me and what still needs to be healed. If it was healed, I wouldn’t feel pain and be triggered by another person’s actions or inactions.
I have struggled with jealousy and comparing myself with other women for many years. I hated it! When I felt jealous, I learned to invite the jealousy in for a cup of tea and love that part of me that was wounded and still needed healing. Thankfully, I have healed and shifted it and don’t struggle with jealousy like I did when I was younger.
I woke up one morning this week in tears and didn’t know what was going on or what was coming up. I knew I was being triggered by a friend’s actions. I always pray and ask Spirit for help. Spirit revealed the origin of my pain that still needed more healing.
When I was about 12 years old, my mother locked herself in the bathroom and was trying to kill herself by taking pills. I banged on the door and screamed for her to stop and come out. I don’t remember what happened after that, but she didn’t kill herself.
There are 3 unspoken rules in a dysfunctional family and they are:
- Don’t talk
- Don’t feel
- Don’t trust
Of course, we never talked about this “episode” and life went on as normal. My mother suffered with alcoholism so there was always some kind of drama going on. This was our normal.
My mother died 8 years later when I was 20 years old. It was very traumatic as my parents were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary on January 1 in the church they were married in. When the ceremony was over, they turned around and she collapsed on the alter. The fire department came and by the time they got her to the hospital, she was dead.
It doesn’t matter WHY this was coming up now 53 years later. Perhaps it’s the holidays and the anniversary of her death on January 1. What matters is that I was willing to go even deeper and feel my feelings so I could let them go, heal and be free.
Over the years, I have learned to reparent myself and give myself what I needed; love, compassion, patience, forgiveness and kindness. You can either become BITTER or BETTER and I chose to become BETTER. I share my story with you not for you to feel sorry for me or say “Poor Pat.” I share it to encourage you that no matter what has happened in your life or what trauma you have experienced; you can heal if you are willing to go deep and heal. You can set yourself FREE, as I have.
I don’t regret my past as it has made me the woman I am today; a woman who stands tall in her own truth, a woman who lives in gratitude and loves and appreciates life. I am living my dreams and can help you do the same.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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