I am expanding
There have been many opportunities for me to grow, EXPAND and practice self-love, self-forgiveness, patience, and healing trauma from childhood the past few weeks. I’m grateful that everything I needed was provided for when I needed it, and at the perfect and right time.
My daughter and grandson visited from the mainland and our theme was to GO WITH THE FLOW. We spent lots of quality time together playing and having fun at the beach and the pool. We went on a fantastic whale watch and treated ourselves to ice cream several times. We often changed directions to go with the flow and it worked out perfectly for all of us.
Another theme for me was to practice ACCEPTING WHAT IS! AS IF I HAD CHOSEN IT! When I tried to get up from the beach chair the second day they were here, my back went out and I couldn’t get up. I was in a lot of pain and had difficulty walking. It was difficult to accept that I had chosen to hurt my back and stay in bed for a day and a half.
This is not what I expected or wanted, but it happened and if I wanted peace, I needed to accept it, pray, surrender and let go. I did everything to heal and strengthen my back and within a couple of days, I felt better and was able to continue to play and have fun with my family.
I’m sure you can relate to this experience if you are on the spiritual path of awakening. When you are triggered and something comes up from the past, you ask yourself, “Why is this still coming up? I thought I dealt with this issue 5 years ago.” Depending on the trauma, it can take years to heal, perhaps even our whole lifetime, while we are in form.
When you have been abandoned, ignored, abused, judged, humiliated, dishonored, made fun of, or shamed as a child, those experiences can cause trauma in your body until you are ready to bring it to the light to be released and transmuted.
My experience with healing is that there are layers of trauma that come up when I’m ready to go deeper, release, and FEEL the pain that I suppressed as a child because it wasn’t safe to feel then. I know to FEEL is to HEAL whether the trauma is from childhood or as an adult.
Like most of us, I don’t like it when I’m triggered. The truth is I hate it when I’m triggered because I don’t want to feel vulnerable and afraid. I RESIST and will do everything I can to avoid feeling the pain inside when it’s coming up.
I was triggered this week. Since my feelings were so intense and out of proportion to what happened, I knew it wasn’t about the present moment, but about unresolved trauma from my past.
At first, I felt ashamed and judged myself that I was triggered and my issues were coming up AGAIN. As I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to feel, and to cry, something shifted inside of me. I was able to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions, and come into the present moment, rather than shame and blame another.
To my surprise, the next day, I listened to a talk by Dr. Kim D’Eramo from the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping solution summit. It was very enlightening and liberating. She said, “We should embrace triggers, and invite them in. Nobody triggers us like our own family. When we ask for more EXPANSION, more love and joy, triggers will come.” She encouraged us to ask ourselves, “What is this trigger asking me to experience and to remember that it is a gift for my EXPANSION.”
After listening to the talk, I changed my perspective about triggers. Rather than triggers being something to be ashamed of, I now believe they are essential to release old energy. I will remind myself that this is what EXPANSION looks like.
Because I was willing to go deeper and heal the trauma in my body, I have EXPANDED into more love and joy, and for this I am grateful.
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