We had never spoken before, other than smiling and saying hello as we passed one another on the beach walk. A couple of days ago, she stopped me and said, “Did you move? Someone told me that Pat with the hat had moved. I smiled and said, “No, I’m still here.”
She looked me in the eyes and said, “What miracle are you praying for?” I was stunned and didn’t answer her. I am a believer in miracles, but I wasn’t expecting the question from someone I didn’t know. I wasn’t about to share with a stranger that I was struggling and had just prayed to God for help.
Author and teacher Marianne Williamson says, “A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” I needed to change my thinking, for sure.
What is hidden is coming to the light in our individual lives and collectively. This is not to shame or judge us but to help us grow and EVOLVE to be the best person we can be. Spirit wants us to be free and live authentic and peaceful lives.
I kept thinking about the question and asked myself, “How can something that happened over 50 years ago still be running the show after all these years of healing and transformation? For years, the “not good enough” egoic voice played havoc with me. Until I became aware that it was the ego, I was plagued with fear, guilt, judgement, and shame. Here is what came up this week:
When I was newly married my father and step-mom would visit from New York. The first thing he said after saying hello was, “Did you gain weight or did you lose weight?” A few minutes later, I would go into the bathroom and look in the mirror and criticize myself. I internalized this and thought I had to be the perfect weight to be deserving of love.
My journey of transformation has been learning to love myself in body, mind and spirit. Instead of looking outside of myself for affirmation and self-worth, I have learned to give it to myself.
Although I have been loving my body by exercising and eating healthy, Spirit brought to the light that the reason I was struggling and suffering was that I was still obsessed with my weight, looking good, and wanting to be perfect.
Between the cultural conditioning of being a woman and having to have the perfect weight in order to feel loved and my father’s disapproval of my body, I NEVER felt good enough and judged and criticized myself, especially my belly. I’m not alone and know many women who criticize and hate some parts of their bodies. I was recently with a friend who has a beautiful figure and she said, “I criticize my body daily as not being good enough and I get on the scale daily.”
As I was preparing to write this, Spirit brought to mind something I had totally forgotten about. When I was about 12-14 years old, I went to a doctor with my mother every week for a few years to get diet pills. I WAS NOT OVERWEIGHT. I’m grateful I didn’t become addicted to the pills. No wonder I have had body issues for so many years with both parents giving me these distorted messages.
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I am made in the image and likeness of God. Spirit brought this to the light to free me of my obsession of being the perfect size and weight to deserve love.
I AM DONE with not feeling good enough and need a MIRACLE. My thinking has to change if I am to have peace and know the truth that I am not my body. I AM Love and Light. My body is a space suit I have on while I am in form.
What miracle are you praying for? Do you think you have to be the perfect weight and size to deserve love? Do you love your body? If not now, WHEN? It’s time to reclaim our power and love the body God has given us.
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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