I am the queen of ANGER

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs, Uncategorized

Dec
31

My friends call me the “Yard sale Queen.” They often ask me to look for something they need, and it inevitably shows up that day! It’s so much fun to pray for what I need and then have it show up. I’m so grateful to Spirit for how I am always provided for.

I also call myself the Queen of Anger. That’s right, Anger. I’m really passionate at encouraging and helping my clients and friends to release their anger that may have been buried in the their subconscious for years. I give them permission to feel and release. To feel is to heal. When I allowed myself to feel and release my anger many years ago, it was one of the best things I did for myself. It brought me to a new place of freedom, peace and ease.

It was not EASY because I had repressed and pushed my anger down for so many years. I was taught that little girls don’t get angry. I even prided myself that I didn’t feel anger much and felt sorry for others who got angry often. I was in denial and out of touch with myself for years until it just got too painful and things weren’t working for me.

I remember feeling like I had to prime the pump, so to speak. I was in therapy and memories of sexual abuse were coming up and I didn’t feel any anger. I knew it had to be there, but I couldn’t feel it.

It was easy for me to feel sad when something happened that hurt or disappointed me, but anger was another story. Underneath my sadness was anger-and a lot of it! I was filled with anger as a people pleaser. I was always trying to please others so they would love me. I looked outside to feel validated and approved of, rather than going within for what I needed.

I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am today if I hadn’t dealt with repressed anger, that was like a hidden cancer inside of me. I was angry at myself, at God and the abusers in my life and didn’t even know it.

Many years ago, I traveled to Bermuda by myself to heal from the memories of being sexually abused. I expected sunshine, peace and time alone with God. Instead, after 5 days of rain and no sunshine, I finally ventured out to do some sightseeing on the moped I had rented. On my way home to the hotel, the skies opened up and there was not only rain, but hail and ice balls hitting my face. I was terrified, to say the least. When I finally reached a covered shelter for buses up ahead, I pulled over. I turned off my moped, threw it on the ground and screamed at God at the top of my lungs. I felt the anger rise up from a deep place within me.

I didn’t get angry with God. I had never gotten angry with God until then. I sobbed uncontrollably and it seemed like time stopped. I realized that all of my life I had held in my anger and couldn’t hold it in any longer. It had to come out and it wasn’t pretty.

The next day, after my anger release, I felt very different inside. The sun came out for the first time and I felt lighter, peaceful and more alive than I had ever felt. I believe that God threw thunderbolts and created the perfect circumstances (a hailstorm in Bermuda) to free, transform and heal me.

Today, it is fairly easy for me to feel my anger when something happens that disturbs me. I feel it and can release it because it’s not years of repressed anger in my body. I do what I need to do for myself; journal, speak up if I need to, scream, forgive, and then let it go.

If you need help identifying and releasing your anger, I am here to help you. You are worth it.