“I banged on the door but it wouldn’t open”
I banged on the door, but it wouldn’t open! Let me explain: I looked at an apartment this week and fell in love with it and its owners. I thought it was perfect for me; in the right area, price range, safe,and surrounded with beautiful flowers and views. I was so excited and even thought about how I wanted to decorate it. I went to Cosco’s and bought the essentials to move in and filled the back seat of my car with everything I needed. My plan was to move in at the end of the week. I was on a roll and knew this was surely God’s plan for my life.
The owners called and said they had many applications for the apartment and it was between me and another person. I didn’t want to take no for an answer so I gave them all the reasons they should offer it to me. In other words, I wasn’t trusting God to open the door, if it was His will. Instead, I thought God needed my help. Wrong! I was shocked when they called the next morning to tell me they were signing the lease with the other applicant. I felt disappointed, angry and sad because I truly believed the apartment had my name on it. I realized how easy it is for us to jump the gun when we want our way. I spent that day quietly in prayer and allowed myself to feel all of my feelings and process what had just happened. I knew I needed to accept “what is.”
I lost my peace when I banged on the door and allowed fear to creep in and make my mind race. This is not how I choose to live my life so I knew I needed to get back in alignment with God’s will for my life. I needed to RELAX and let God be God. After all, I did hire my Higher Power to run my life! I emailed the owners and thanked them for their honesty and wished them the best with their new tenants. We all agreed that we felt a strong connection with one another and that we wanted to be friends. A couple of days ago, they invited me for a glass of wine and to watch the sunset together. I know this will be another story that I will share as it unfolds.
I have lived my life with God opening and closing doors, so I asked myself why wasn’t I trusting God to open the door if this was the perfect and right place for me to live? As I reflected on my thoughts and behavior, I realized I was coming from a place of fear. I thought, “I better take this one, I won’t find a better place to live.” It became clear to me that my “inner rusher” was active and running the show again! Not good! Instead of judging and beating up on myself, I chose to embrace and love that part of me that still needed God’s healing. I asked God to transform my fear into faith.
How often have you settled for less than what you really wanted because you were afraid nothing better would come along? I am embarrassed to say that it was only the second apartment that I looked at and I was ready to sign the lease. I know through years of
experience that when one door closes, a better one opens in God’s time, not my time. So I have the opportunity to practice the art of waiting. I am looking forward to what God has planned for me because I know it will be wonderful.
What helped me to process and move through my disappointment and the closed door so quickly was to remember what happened to me many years ago when the door was closed in my face at the last minute. I decided to refinance my home before my divorce was finalized. The day of the refinancing, my ex-husband called and said, “I decided not to sign the papers.” “You have to be kidding me, I said. I won’t be able to refinance without your signature”, I screamed at him. Then I called the bank to tell them what happened and ask if I could refinance without his signature. They said, “Sorry, but you have to have his signature to refinance.” I couldn’t understand how I had gotten that far to have the door shut like that.
Exactly one week later, I received a letter from the bank stating that the mortgage rate had gone down on it’s own because I had an adjustable mortgage. Not only did I save the closing costs but also the amount was the same as if I had refinanced! God is good and sees what’s ahead of me that often I cannot see. I have learned from experience that sometimes, God closes the door for my good and I have to wait for the right door to open and then other times, the first door opens easily and effortlessly. I like it much better when that happens.
When I attended church on Sunday, I met a couple who had also just recently moved to Maui. They shared their experience of finding their apartment, (which they love), which they are now living in. In our conversation, Steve said to me, “I use to be a car mechanic and know a lot about cars, so call me if you need help buying a car.” Since I had heard a lot about “Maui Cruisers” and was warned to be careful, I didn’t waste any time. I called Steve the next morning to ask him about a few cars that looked promising on Craigslist. We went down the list together and he gave me his expert opinion on each car that was for sale. He recommended the 1996 Toyota as a good car so I called the owner and asked if I could come and look at it. I called Steve back and he just happened to be in the area and offered to come with me. What a blessing!
I was excited and grateful that Steve was with me to ask the right questions. I liked how the car looked on the outside and the inside was clean. Steve drove the car and said, “If I was buying a car for my wife, I would definitely buy this one.” What is interesting is that one minute after Steve and I met the owner of the car in the parking lot, another woman pulled up and wanted to buy it. Since we were the first ones there, we had first choice. I drove away with a new car that day. And the best part is that I was able to park my new car at Steve’s home until I find my new apartment.
Later on in the week, as I drifted down the ocean, surrendering and letting go, I heard God say, “Stay in the energy of gratitude especially when there is transition in your life. The transition can be a physical one, leaving a relationship or job, starting a relationship or job or simply moving from one state of consciousness to another. It’s all the same and an attitude of gratitude will carry you through.” I am practicing daily being grateful for what I want before it happens. Whenever fear or doubt rears its ugly head, I just think about everything I am grateful for and that brings me back to my peaceful place where I want to live.
As I walked home from my swim in the ocean today, I noticed 2 small girls giggling and playing at the edge of the water. They were laughing and running in and out of the waves. I stopped to say hello and asked them where they were from. They said, California and then one of them said, “Being here in Maui is a dream come true. I smiled and said, “Yes, it is a dream come true for me too.” We gave each other the high five sign, and I smiled and walked on.
What is your dream? Don’t ever give up on your dreams. Dream big and believe God will help you fulfill your dreams as He has mine. Don’t settle for less and trust that God has placed the dream in your heart. When it is the right time, the right door will open, and until then, wait with gratitude for what’s coming.
Daily Word September 29
I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams
To visualize the life I desire, I may create a vision board to capture my intentions in words and pictures. Or I might write in a journal about my aspirations, outlining in detail all that is possible. Doubts may creep in, causing me to question the validity of my ambitions. If so, I look beyond any perceived limitations. If I am concerned about my age, resources of timing, I courageously affirm: My dreams are God-inspired. I seize the bold vision to manifest the life of my dreams. I am bolstered by this affirmation as I align with the vibration of a higher vision. I open to unseen possibilities and joyously witness the unfoldment of my dreams.
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