I couldn’t stop the tears

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

Apr
29

Do your loved ones communicate with you after they have passed on? It may be through a butterfly or a cardinal or a favorite song. I stood in the middle of my favorite consignment shop, Rainbow Attic, yesterday and I couldn’t believe what I heard on the radio. I had kind of given up on hearing the song since it had been several years since I heard it.. I was in the back of the store just kind of browsing around when I stopped dead in my tracks.

The song, “Honey,” was playing loud and clear on the radio. As many of you know through reading my blogs and book, “Honey” is my mother’s name. It will be almost 50 years since she passed away on her 25^th wedding anniversary. I was only 20 years old. A year later, I was sitting in the back of a car when I first heard the song “Honey” written by Bobby Goldboro. It is a beautiful song about him missing “Honey”after she died.

Paula, the owner’s mother happened to walk by and noticed me frozen in place with tears running down my cheeks. She stopped and asked, “Are you finding everything you need?” I could hardly talk, but I had to tell her the story of “Honey” and what the song meant to me. She said, “I am sorry.” I said, “Don’t be sorry, my mother is here with me now.”

Over the years my mother has “shown up” when I most needed her. Right before I went to the consignment store, I was shopping for some greeting cards. The woman greeted me and said, “Honey, how can I help you?” I smiled and said, “Thank you for calling me Honey-that is my mother’s name.” Of course, she looked at me kind of funny because she had no idea how significant it was for me.

As I prepare my body, mind and spirit to be married to my beloved Larry, I know my mother is around, loving and supporting me to release all that no longer serves me. Here is what happened last week.

My friend, Ruth, and her daughter, Kerri, bought me 2 beautiful bouquets of lillies for the night of my bridal shower. Ruth shared that the orchids were “calling her.” She was at the register in the supermarket with another kind of flowers and had to go back and buy the orchids.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was “allergic” to certain kinds of lillies. At least I thought I was allergic because I couldn’t stand how they smelled. My son, Tim, sent me lillies last year for Mother’s Day and I couldn’t keep them in the house because of the smell. I felt so badly because he thought they were my favorite flowers.

Whenever I smelled these kinds of lillies, it brought back memories of when my mother died and I sat in the funeral parlor and passed out because of the strong smell from the flowers.

Of course, I didn’t say anything to Ruth and brought them home after the shower. I was so out of it from all the love I received that I didn’t think about the lillies until the next morning. I put them in water in a beautiful vase and placed them on the table in front of me as I prayed.

Instead of being “repulsed” by the smell of the flowers and having to get them out of the house as quickly as I could, I started to cry because I felt this was how my mother was showing up for me. I allowed myself to feel her loving presence and love.

I was sobbing when my friends, Ruth and Kati, came for a visit a few minutes later. They didn’t know what happened when I answered the door with tears running down my cheeks. They hugged me and sat with me holding my hands as I told them the story of what had just happened with the lillies. They knew it was a sacred healing moment with my mother, “Honey.”

I kept the flowers for a week and enjoyed the smell every time I walked by. We always get what we need if we look for the signs and are open to receiving them. I feel so blessed and grateful for everything and everyone in my life.