I didn’t want to do a spiritual bypass

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Are you fortunate enough to have someone in your life who “sees” you, listens to you without trying to fix or control you, validates you and your feelings no matter what you are going through in your life?  I am very blessed to have Larry, family and girlfriends in my life that listen and don’t judge me so I can be authentic and real.

I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason and is for my highest good, especially when I’m struggling and I don’t understand why things are going the way they are.

I have been doing all that I can do to heal my candida; diet, Probiotics, Sovereign Silver, herbs, teas, natural candida supplement, colonics to name a few. I know it can take a long time to get rid of it and I’ve been patient, for the most part.

My friend, Kati, and I went out to breakfast to a French restaurant over the weekend.  I felt anxious when I looked at the menu and realized there was nothing I could eat that was on my diet. The waiter was not to congenial and said they don’t do special meals.

Kati said, “We will go someplace else, we don’t have to stay here.” I felt terrible because Kati really likes this restaurant and I didn’t want her to not have her favorite crepe which she was looking forward to.

I said, “I’m so sorry.” I was surprised as I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I then shared with her my frustration and anger that I was still dealing with the candida and the restrictive diet that I have been on for six months. I had been trying so hard to not complain, stay positive and accept my situation that I didn’t realize I had been holding in my feelings. It was important that I process the feelings that were coming up with Kati. She was compassionate, present as she listened and validated my experience.  I felt HEARD.

Whenever I want to “override” my feelings because they are uncomfortable and I’m afraid to share them, I am doing a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and it doesn’t work. I am no longer willing to do a SPIRITUAL BYPASS and push my feelings down. Giving myself permission to feel my anger and get my feelings up and out is a gift I give to myself and ultimately to our relationship.

What does it mean to feel heard? It means: I feel respected, important, validated and valued. When I’ve been heard and validated, then I AM OPEN for suggestions and advice. I believe what we all want in a relationship is to be heard and not fixed or controlled when we are sharing a problem or difficulty What a gift we give to one another when we are present and listen.

There were many years that I wasn’t heard and that I didn’t hear my partner. I was often defensive and wanting to be right was more important than peace. I am grateful that I have healthy communication skills now and practice them daily with family and friends.

I think we all know the frustration and what it feels like to not be heard. What do I mean by not feeling heard?

It means: that someone is trying to fix me, dismiss me, control me, manipulate me, ignore me, guilt me to get their own way, give me advice or tell me I shouldn’t feel a certain way. This is a sure sign I am not being heard.

It is my belief that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and for my highest good. If we had not gone to this particular restaurant where there was nothing on the menu I could eat, I would not have had the opportunity to feel my feelings and be heard in such a safe and loving environment.

We walked out of the restaurant and found another place that served foods that I could eat. We had a great day playing and laughing together. I felt centered, grateful and back to myself.

I invite you to listen and be present to others as you would like them to be for you.

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

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