I fell off the wagon
My reason for writing a blog every week is to share my journey to inspire you so you know you are not alone with whatever you are going through. Thank you for your love and support and for reading the blogs every week.
As an alcohol and drug therapist for 20 years, one of my jobs was to do interventions and help patients come out of DENIAL about how alcohol or drugs had robbed them of everything. It was my job to get them to say yes to treatment.
DENIAL is a symptom of addiction and a very powerful defense mechanism. We stay in denial because we are afraid and don’t want to admit there is a problem. Once you admit there is a problem, you have to do something about it.
The reality is we are all addicted to something whether it be a substance or a process. Substances include alcohol, drugs, food, sugar, nicotine, or caffeine. Process addictions include gambling, cleaning, hoarding, workaholism, religiosity, perfectionism, control, shopping, codependency.
Your “drug of choice” keeps you from feeling your feelings. Years ago, at a very low point in my life, I sat in a dark room eating chocolate and drinking a glass of wine. It took away the pain for a moment. What is your drug of choice to avoid your feelings?
I read a quote this week from Steven Pressfield, Resistance for Evolution that states “The more important an activity is to your soul’s evolution, the more resistance you will feel it.”
This spoke to me as I was feeling a lot of RESISTANCE to changing my diet. I wondered, “Is denial the same as resistance?” I think it’s different but similar. When I’m in denial, I don’t think there is a problem. When I’m in resistance, I know there is a problem and I’m angry that I have to change. I’m kicking and screaming and feel like a victim and wondering why I can’t eat like normal people?
Like many others who live on this planet due to chemicals, GMO and processed foods, I suffer from inflammation and gut issues. I was in denial over the holidays and thought I could eat desserts and be fine. I thought my gut issues were gone.
My symptoms came back and worse than ever. I was angry and felt like my body had betrayed me. Just like the addict, I want what I want when I want it! I love sugar, chocolate, muffins, and bagels and didn’t want to deny myself.
I knew I was in trouble and had to pay attention. I went back to the anti-inflammatory diet that I had done in the past which is no grains, fruit, caffeine, dairy, or sugar. I kept saying, “This is so hard.” The truth is that it is hard, but if I kept saying this is hard, it would continue to be hard. I needed to change my perspective and I did.
I’m grateful that I didn’t beat up on myself, but instead forgave myself for “falling off the wagon” and putting food into my body that I wasn’t able to tolerate. With the grace of God, I thanked my body (even though I didn’t like it) for letting me know what wasn’t good for me.
Most importantly, I became willing to change and ask God for help. I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I used the 1st step of AA. I admit I am powerless over sugar and 2nd step I admit a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. It works as I have been “clean” since January 1. I will continue to ask for help every day.
Are you in denial or resisting anything in your life that is not healthy for you? Remember, “The more important an activity is to your soul’s evolution, the more resistance you will feel it.”
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