I felt guilty and was beating up on myself

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

Sep
28

I am “awakening” daily to the truth of who I AM; I AM Love and the presence of God/Divine/Source/Essence in the world. I am a Divine being that comes from Love and is made out of Love. Wow, isn’t that amazing and when I really embrace it and live it, miracles occur everywhere and every day. Do you know that you are Love and the presence of God in the world or do you think you are unworthy, not perfect or not good enough to even consider that?

As I awaken to the Spirit within, I am being shown more clearly how I have lived most of my life believing that I am separate from God and God is outside of me, up in the sky somewhere. I had to be a good girl, be perfect to be loved and get to heaven.

I am being shown how and where my ego has been playing in my life, in spite of wanting to live my life for God and to do God’s will. The ego wants to distract me from knowing the truth of the God within and myself as a child of God. It wants to rob me of my peace. Every thought that is not of God is of the ego. The ego is fear in every form. What I am learning is that the ego is not real and it is an illusion. All that is real is LOVE.

Do you recognize how your ego shows up on a daily basis? Here are some of the behaviors and feelings that I have discovered within myself when my ego is running the show. Ego is often sneaky and doesn’t want to be recognized. It loses its power when we identify it.

When I am or feel:

*Jealous

*Comparing myself to others

*Competing with others

*People pleasing

*Unable to ask for help and receive

*Unable to accept “what is”

*Blaming others for my problems

*Wanting to be right and have the last word in a conversation

*Wanting to be perfect and look good

*Wanting to do everything perfectly

*Wanting to intimidate or manipulate others

*Wanting to judge others
*Wanting to be the BEST

*Wanting to fix others & f eel responsible for other’s happiness and well-being

*Wanting to control others

*Wanting to run the show

*Wanting to be somewhere else rather than where I am

*Feeling less than or better than

*Feeling not good enough, unworthy and not deserving

*Feeling fearful, guilty or shame

*Feeling like a victim

*Feeling stupid

*Showing off

*Being unable to forgive and holding a grudge

*Drama in my life

*Addicted to a substance or a process like work, busyness, shopping or gambling

*Taking things personally, being overly sensitive and feelings easily hurt

*Worrying and obsessing about a person or situation

Recently, I felt jealous about something and I didn’t like it at all. It had been a long time since jealousy had reared its head. I started to beat up on myself and felt shameful and embarrassed because it seemed so ridiculous to me that I was feeling jealous. When I brought it to my prayer and asked Spirit what was going on, this is what I heard from Spirit.

“You must not make a big deal out of this. Love is all there is and all that is real. The more you know that love is all there is, the less bothered you will be when the ego thought system shows up in your life. Learn to smile at it when you recognize it and it will mean nothing because it’s only a dream and not real. LOVE EVERYTHING. You always have a CHOICE to choose love or fear. Choose LOVE. As you identify the ego and its patterns in your life and you release it and choose love, your light shines brighter in the world.

Beating up on yourself and feeling guilty or shameful is being unloving toward yourself. Your ego wants to rob you of your peace and knows exactly how to do it and where to go. I want you to befriend your ego rather than trying to beat it out of you. I want you to love all of you because you are love and as you learn to love yourself, you are loving your brother and loving me because we are all One.”

How do you get the ego out of the way and create miracles in your own life? Know that the ego is not you. You are that which is observing your ego. Don’t fight against the ego and the emotions you are feeling. Experience them. Let them run their course.

Many years ago, I learned to invite jealousy and all my feelings in for a cup of tea. I need to remember to do that again. How about you? Are you choosing Love and loving yourself? Are you experiencing miracles in your life?

Larry

The longer I travel this journey of life, the more I’m finding out about myself. In the past, I’ve shared how difficult it is for me to accept compliments and positive attention from others. The other day Pat and I were talking about reasons why it’s difficult to receive compliments and positive attention.

The thought occurred to me that when I receive a compliment or receive positive feedback from another. I act like a turtle. You know how a turtle often presents itself dozing on a rock near a pond or around a shoreline with it’s head out enjoying the sun. Then as you approach the turtle it immediately pulls its head in for protection. I’m becoming aware that is what I do when someone offers me a compliment or responds to something I’ve done in a positive manner.

I pull back to protect myself because I’m afraid you will discover the real me, not the one you admire. I often think that if you understood what I deal with to try to become that person that you admire, you would have never offered me a compliment. If you could see the weak person that I think I am and my struggle with my ego and fear, you wouldn’t be giving me compliments.

Then the ego tries to convince me that the person giving me a compliment really didn’t mean what they said. They are just trying to be nice or perhaps they want something from me.

You know that I talk and write a lot about love, kindness and forgiveness and people have said to me “That’s easy for you to do.” I look at them in astonishment, smile and slowly shake my head. Why would it be easier for me to do?

It seems my mindset in the past has been that I have to say it, write it, and practice it perfectly before I can take credit for it. LOVE (Spirit) is showing me that this is ridiculous. Trying to be perfect is an old belief that no longer serves me and never has. When a person gives me a compliment, I am choosing to believe it’s because I have touched them in some way that they appreciate and they want me to know that.

So I hear LOVE saying “Don’t pull your head back in turtle, accept the gift and compliment, live in the moment and enjoy the experience.” Well, I’m trying and learning to do that, I hope you are too. Thanks for reading our sharing.