I felt jealous and lost my peace

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I’m sure we’ve all experienced what it’s like to have a mosquito buzzing around your head in the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep. You are just about to doze off for the 4th time and there it is again buzzing around your head.  It just won’t go away and let you sleep.

That’s what it felt like this week, but instead of a mosquito buzzing around my head and annoying me, it was my egoic voice trying to rob me of my peace. It was relentless, vicious, and wouldn’t stop!

I couldn’t stand it anymore it was so annoying. At one point, as I was driving in my car with the windows up, I screamed, “STOP.” I had enough of its shenanigans and lies.

Have you ever wondered how to recognize your egoic voice from the voice of the Spirit? First of all, you lose your PEACE as your mind feels like a blender going around and around with negativity, fear, shame, blame, and judgment.

I read something this week that resonated with me. It was, “There is no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind.” I pray every day for peace and have been for many years. I experience peace 90% of the time deep within my soul because I know I’m not alone, and am guided, and protected in everything I do.

My egoic voice whispers “You are not good enough. You are not doing enough. You don’t belong. You don’t have enough. You are not loved. You are separate from one another and “better than or less than others.” It comes from a deep place of fear which compares, judges, shames, and competes.

For many years, I compared myself to others, especially other women, and felt jealous A LOT. No matter what I did or how many degrees I obtained, it never felt like it was enough. I hated it whenever jealousy would rear its head. After much needless suffering, I learned to say, “OK jealousy, come on in and have a cup of tea.” This can be done with any feeling I’m feeling. Somehow, this acceptance of “what is” helps to comfort me and sets me free.

I rarely feel jealous anymore until this week when all hell broke loose in my mind. It made NO SENSE that I was struggling and feeling jealous after a conversation I had with a friend. I love my life and live in gratitude to God for what we have co-created. Like a broken record, I kept playing the conversation we had over and over in my mind and then judged myself for rambling on. Then came the SHAME for feeling jealous. It felt like I was in a vicious cycle and I knew I needed help. I prayed, “I need help Spirit.”

Message from Spirit:

Relax in my presence and come into the present moment and my truth. Your ego is vicious and wants to rob you of the life we have co-created here. RISE ABOVE THE DRAMA. Keep choosing love and peace. I want you to “accept what is.” Relationships are constantly changing and evolving and that is a good thing. Let there be no judgment or taking things personally. Forgive yourself for comparing, and judging. shaming and feeling jealous. I am inviting you to love yourself unconditionally and your sisters and brothers as you are all ONE.

Here is my process and how I moved through this egoic attack to bring myself back into peace:

·        I become AWARE when my egoic voice is clamoring for attention

·        I go within and ask Spirit for help

·        I said “STOP” to the egoic voice

·        I forgive myself and others when necessary

·        I choose love. peace and happiness

As I sat to meditate on my swing overlooking the ocean the next morning, I felt a deep peace that passes all understanding. By intentionally choosing love and peace, I free myself to live my life to the fullest and be me. I believe it is Spirit’s intention for us to live in love, peace, joy, and happiness.

It is when I’m living in the PRESENT MOMENT and in the Christ Presence that I feel deep peace. Being at peace is attained through dissolving thoughts of all kinds and surrendering to the moment. The past is gone and the future with all its “what ifs” cannot disturb me if, I don’t allow it.  

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

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