“I felt my sadness as the tears rolled down my cheeks”

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

Aug
18

Spirit must laugh at me because I have to laugh at myself when I look at some of my thoughts and feelings when change is taking place in my life. I pray for something and when I get it, I feel afraid. Hmm… Thank God, I am learning to love myself and take myself lightly. I said in my last email that it is my goal to be the happiest person I know. Am I always happy and peaceful? Hell, no, but it is my goal! It is in the journey of letting go, trusting, learning to love myself and being in the present moment that I feel the happiest and most peaceful.

I wish I could say that I’m always living in the present moment, because I’m not. I lose my peace when my thoughts are in the past or I’m worried about the future. I lose my peace when I am HERE and want to be THERE. When my consciousness is in the future and I feel “out of control” and don’t know what’s going on or what I’m doing, I feel fear. What helps me move forward is to just do the next right thing, despite the fear. I will get THERE if I am patient with the process and accept “what is.” In other words, I have to stop thinking and start thanking that I am exactly where I need to be and that God is with me every step of the way. How easy it is to forget that I am one with the Divine and there is no separation.

Recently, I kept coming across the word RESISTANCE and I asked myself, “Am I resisting change?” My peace seemed to be weaning and I was feeling uneasy. I said I wanted God’s will in my life and was open to receive whatever “new adventure” God had planned for me. I shared the “New Life Angel” card in my last email and felt excited when I received it.

I didn’t feel the excitement this week, but instead felt stressed and pressured to “do more” to get myself “out there.” Through journaling, I got in touch with anger because I liked my life the way it was and didn’t want it to change and lose my peace. I knew I didn’t want to do my business the way I had done it for so many years (with pushing and making things happen.) I reminded myself that I didn’t have to do it that way anymore because living in Maui and experiencing God’s deep abiding love had changed me and I had learned “TO BE.” I could DO with peace, ease and grace and it would be different if I wanted it to be and chose it to be. I could allow things to come to me and stay peaceful and relaxed.

I meditated and prayed about what was happening and what needed to be healed in me. This is what I read in Daily Word.

“While change is inevitable, my response or reaction to change is up to me. How can I best prepare myself for change, and how can I make the most of it? Change is a transition from one thing, one place, one state of mind to another. I AM EVOLVING FROM WHAT WAS TO WHAT IS. I AM BECOMING MORE THAN I WAS BEFORE. Just as my view changed as I transitioned from childhood to adulthood, I now see that I am gaining a new perspective during this transition. I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in my life, I am moving forward.”

When I took my walk in the afternoon, I noticed that something “felt stuck in my chest.” I sat down on the lounge chair at the Marriott Hotel and prayed. I asked Spirit to show me what was stuck inside that needed to be released. It became clear to me that not only was I RESISTING CHANGE, but I was RESISTING my feelings. I didn’t want to feel the disappointment and sadness that was bubbling up within because I was still alone. I allowed myself to really feel the sadness as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Not only did I allow myself to feel my feelings, but when I met with my friend Kati later that day, I shared my feelings with her. Her loving presence, acceptance and love healed me deeply. I allowed my feelings to come up and move through me. Feelings are meant to pass quickly, they are like clouds in the sky and it’s the nature of them to move on.

It’s our RESISTANCE to feelings that cause more problems than the feelings hemselves. Feelings are part of being alive and resisting them means resisting life. Feelings are energy, always in motion. Unstuck energy lives in the body when we resist our feelings. They get stuck in the body and may appear as a lump in the throat, heaviness in the throat or tightness in the stomach. Feelings live in our bodies and may come out as headaches, stomachaches, backaches and colitis if we don’t deal with them.

I cannot live in the present moment when my feelings are stuck inside, whether that be resentment, anger, fear, jealously, sadness or unforgiveness. To move on, I need to allow my feelings to come to the surface in order to let go and heal. I need to learn to give thanks for the opportunities that life provides for the surfacing of my fears.

We need to take time to listen to our feelings and not dismiss or avoid them. We may avoid our feelings by staying busy, working, eating, drinking, gambling, shopping, or cleaning. It takes courage to be ourselves, to feel and express our feelings. Feelings are the gateway to who we are. They are there to help us know ourselves and know what we need to do next. They give us clues if something is wrong, to help us protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. They are part of the human condition and we all have them.

Repressed feelings tend to lodge in the body in the form of hidden tensions, unhealthy habits and stress-induced chemical changes. Often, illness is an expression of feelings repressed.

Do you have a problem with judging your feelings and making them wrong? You might say to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, after all I have a good husband, home or I’m a Christian and shouldn’t feel fear because it means I’m not trusting God.” Many of us have learned to control our feelings, to keep them hidden away, to stuff them and smile. The message I received as a child was “I will give you something to cry about.” I felt ashamed when I cried or had any feelings at all. For many years, I was totally out of touch with my feelings, especially anger. We are used to distancing ourselves from emotional pain and often cover our feelings with self-judgment. When we push away parts of ourselves, we fall deeper into isolation, feelings of unworthiness, self- hatred and depression. We often beat up on ourselves and never feel good enough.

Depression is the classic disease of women. If we don’t express what we’re feeling -what’s bugging us in a constructive healing manner, very often the result is depression. Depression is like a fog that settles over us, limiting our ability to see what we are really feeling. Often when we are depressed, there’s something we need to do and we are afraid to do it. Feeling depressed when we have had a loss is normal and healthy in the grieving process. Depression can be a sign we are hiding from something or avoiding action. Often it is hidden and inverted anger.

Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Messages from society are that feelings are bad or dangerous and we try to avoid them at any cost. We need to accept and feel our feelings in order to move through them. We need to embrace and honor our feelings.

What I know about life is that change is inevitable. As the reading in Daily Word said, “it is my response or reaction to change that is up to me.” You and I may be stepping into unfamiliar territory and don’t know what the next adventure is, but this step is an opportunity to grow in spiritual awareness. With each shift or change in our lives, we are moving forward.

Spirit calls me and you to expansion, inviting us to step out in faith and act courageously. I pray, listen to my inner guidance, and then put feet under my prayers. The positive action I take sends a clear message to Spirit. I am saying “Yes” to my increase and expansion right now. I fully trust that God goes with me wherever I go, showing me the way through any challenge. I am faith-filled, strong and courageous, living a life of adventure.