I freed my children

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

Jul
21

I received a beautiful Mother’s Day gift from Spirit, along with flowers and calls from my children and friends. I look forward to the month of May as it has always been a powerful month of transformation and deep healing.

I had a “light bulb” go off or a shift in consciousness. Do you ever wonder why it takes so long sometimes to “get it” and change beliefs, conditioning, and dysfunctional patterns that cause suffering and no longer serve your highest good?

My ego is “vicious” (especially obsessing in the middle of the night) and tries to rob me of my peace and new freedom when there has been a breakthrough or shift in consciousness. Can you relate?

Have you heard of the saying “What other people think of me or how they treat me is none of my business?” Of course, we have choices to stay in a situation or to leave if we are being abused. I knew this in my head, but it’s taken a while for it to travel to my heart and set me FREE.

I knew that I wasn’t responsible for another’s behavior and their behavior wasn’t my fault, but in my heart, I felt disappointed, sad, and angry when I thought my needs weren’t met. I didn’t think I was lovable, good enough, or loved when I felt ignored, discounted, or rejected, especially by my children.

How can we change if we aren’t aware of the patterns, distorted beliefs, and egoic voices that play havoc in our minds? We have lived all our lives with these beliefs and we believe they are true. They have become so familiar that we just “go there” without thinking about it until we wake up and see the truth of who we are as LOVE and a divine being having a spiritual experience.

Whenever my children didn’t love me or “show up” the way I wanted and expected them to, I blamed myself and thought I must have done something wrong, and it was my fault. I then tried harder to get them to love me and give me what I thought I wanted and needed. When a friend didn’t return a text or phone call and I felt ignored, I racked my brains out trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Another person’s behavior is about them and not me. When I remember to say, “It’s their stuff, not mine” when I feel hurt or ignored, I free myself. It doesn’t mean that they are wrong and I am right. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. It just is and we all have different perspectives and everyone is doing the best they can.

Because of my childhood and unmet emotional needs, I unconsciously thought my children would heal and complete me. I used my children to feel better about myself and used their achievements as a means of self-validation. My children (or spouse) cannot make me feel whole, happy, or successful, or give me the love to feel like I belong. That’s up to me to give to myself.

As I free my children from the responsibility to fill and complete me, I model to them ways they can love and fill themselves. I no longer expect my children to elevate me and make me feel less alone. I free them to pursue their dreams and life purpose.

Here is the process I use when I feel hurt, angry, ignored, or disappointed by a loved one’s behavior.

· I surrender and accept “what is” (because it happened)

· I feel my feelings & don’t do a “spiritual bypass”

· I don’t take it personally

· I detach emotionally and let go of the outcome

· I forgive and let go of judgments

· I CHOOSE LOVE and send love to the person who hurt me

I’m no longer afraid to be myself, to be authentic and “show up” for life. I don’t look outside for others to love me or make me happy because I have learned to give it to myself. Happiness is an inside job.

I take responsibility for myself and no longer expect my children or husband to make me happy. I no longer need to protect myself because I’m safe and protected by Spirit. I am no longer afraid to love and be loved and I allow others to do the same.

Thank you, Spirit, for the gift of shifting my consciousness The truth has set me free.