I had to detach
My friend and I met for our morning swim and chat on the beach. When I asked her, “How are you doing?” She replied, “Not very well. I’m worried about my brother who divorced his wife after 45 years of marriage.” I shared, “I’m concerned about my brother too. He fell several months ago and hurt his back. He’s not doing well.”
My brother has been in recovery for alcohol and drugs for almost 30 years. He was prescribed Percocet for the pain. As a therapist for 20 years treating addicts, I know how addictive this medication can be. I saw the devastation this drug caused for patients when they were prescribed it for their pain. My brother, up until now, wouldn’t go near this because he also knew how addictive it was.
I recently spoke to my brother, who lives 5000 miles away and I haven’t seen him in 10 years. I felt uneasy when I got off the phone as he didn’t seem himself. I didn’t know if he was abusing the Percocet and he didn’t appear open to discuss it. Of course, I’m concerned about my brother and if he will be ok.
I’m allowing myself to feel my feelings and process them. I’m angry at this disease that has robbed my family for years. I’m sad that after 30 years of staying sober, he may be struggling with addiction.
As my friend and I shared, I said, “I refuse to allow anyone or anything to rob me of my peace. I have worked hard to get to this place in my life that I have co-created with God and I’m not willing to focus on something or someone that I have no control over.”
Instead of worrying, feeling fear, and trying to fix, I choose to pray and send love and light. I choose to trust Spirit that it is my brother’s journey and he has lessons he needs to learn. I wonder why we think we know what’s best for our friends and family? Worrying is an illusion and doesn’t do any good. When we worry, we think we have some kind of control.
I know what it’s like to have my mind feel like a blender that I can’t shut off. I know what it’s like to be awake at night ruminating about a problem that I have no control over. I’ve been there and done that and don’t want to do it anymore. It doesn’t work for me and never has.
Instead, I have learned to detach with love. I detach emotionally and don’t allow myself to get sucked into the moods and behaviors of those I love. When my mind is racing, I repeat DETACH until I feel calm and peaceful. There were times that I had to say it many times before my mind shut off. Detachment doesn’t mean disinterest. It truly is respecting another person’s journey and choices.
My time is sacred to waste living in the future or worrying about something I have no power over. I continue to focus on myself and what’s important to me. I have learned to let go of other people’s problems instead to trying to fix them.
I can detach and still love and still feel. I have learned to take care of my own problems while allowing others to take care of theirs. Today I detach with loving compassion. When I detach with love, I offer support by freeing those I care about to experience both the disappointments and successes in life.
Are you concerned or worried about a loved one? I encourage you to practice detaching emotionally and trusting it is their journey and lessons to learn.
“I refuse to allow anyone or anything to rob me of my peace and well-being. I have worked hard to get to this place in my life that I have co-created with God and I’m not willing to focus on something or someone that I have no control over.”
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