“I needed to let go of trying to control how my children love me”
The sun is shining brightly after the “Perfect Storm” when I returned to Rhode Island a couple of weeks ago. I shared last week in my blog that I felt like I was in a dark tunnel and needed to allow myself the space and time to feel my feelings and heal. I knew I would move through the darkness and into the light. I am happy to say that my light is shining brightly today and I have been transformed.
It is my belief that I attract everything into my life for my highest good and for my soul to grow. While I was in the storm of unhealed emotions from the past, all I could feel was pain. But I knew in my Spirit that it would pass and I would be stronger and there would be a gift from the experience.
It was not only the “Perfect Storm” within that I experienced, but there were blizzard conditions and freezing weather the day before my retreat, “Fall in Love with the Goddess Within” was scheduled. I prayed and trusted that the women would be able to get there safely and 22 women showed up ready and willing to learn how to love the Goddess within. Unfortunately, two women from Maine had to cancel due to weather conditions.
Before the retreat began, my daughter Mary (who is a wise woman) asked me a question that I had to really think about. She said, “Mom is this behavior/pattern that you’ve had for years serving you anymore?” I admitted that it wasn’t serving me anymore and I needed to let it go and change. I also knew that I needed God’s grace to change because I had tried to change the behavior, without success.
Thank you Mary for the question and thank you for opening up your home for us to have the retreat. Everyone loved your energy and especially the chicken soup you made for us to eat. The space was perfect with the wood burning stove keeping us all warm and toasty.
I decided to bring with me a small plastic bag of Goddess Laxshmi Gold Dust to share with the women on the retreat. ‘She brings golden magical energy and good fortune to your heartfelt prayers and intentions. She will help manifest that which you truly desire’ When I arrived and opened my suitcase, the plastic bag had ripped and some of the gold dust glitter was at the bottom of my bag. So, every time I took out a piece of clothing, I got glitter somewhere on me.
As each woman arrived at the retreat and I welcomed them, they were sprinkled with the gold dust. What I didn’t realize is that the gold dust not only got on the women, but landed all over the room. As we cleaned the floor the next day, Mary gave me one of those “looks” that only a daughter can give you and said, “Mom, there is glitter everywhere.” And she was right. I told her that every time she spots some gold dust glitter she can think of me and pray for me. I got another look! She also said, “Mom the next time you do a retreat here, please leave your gold dust glitter at home. I smiled and promised I would never do that again.
I had been praying for the women who had signed up for the retreat for months. I knew it was going to be a very powerful and healing retreat. The women came to the retreat as strangers and left as friends and sisters. We prayed, danced, sang, cried, shared deeply and broke bread together. It was clear that the women who attended were not new to the spiritual life, but had already done deep healing work. They were ready to receive more of God’s love and embrace themselves as Goddesses.
I have been leading retreats for over 20 years and although all of them have been special, this retreat stands out because of the authenticity and energy of the women who attended. It has taken me years to accept my gifts and allow my light to really shine as I did for this retreat. It felt awesome to BE ME and to be affirmed for the woman of faith that I am. I no longer want to play small. It is time for us Goddesses to let our lights shine in the world. Will you join me and allow your light to shine in the world?
The first exercise that we did on the retreat was to share what we wanted to let go of that no longer served us. I was the first to write on the board: “I want to let go of trying to control how my children show their love for me.” This was the awareness and gift that I received when I was in the dark tunnel. I thank God for that awareness and realization that trying to control how I was loved was no longer serving me. I am free and full of gratitude.
Here are some comments from the women:
“This retreat really let me know that I am not alone in my thoughts. I would like to keep the flow going, knowing that God loves me and will never let me be alone.”
“This was the most inspirational gathering I have ever attended. Pat’s Spirit and connection with God is contagious.”
“I am walking away feeling empowered and would now like to create a workshop to continue to empower the powerless. Pat, you have planted the seed within me.”
“I loved every minute of this retreat. I am leaving inspired, happy and full of love. I’m signing up as soon as I hear about the next retreat you are doing.”
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Simply A Woman of Faith
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