I screamed at God

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

May
3

My faith is strengthened every time I remember how Spirit has provided, guided, and opened and closed doors at the perfect and right time.

Whenever I feel fear or am stressed about what’s going on in the world and things that I can’t control such as wars, climate change, economy, housing prices, covid, vaccine mandates, food shortages, I remind myself that all I have is this present moment and everything I need is inside of me. The past is gone and the future is not here yet. All I have is NOW and that is what’s real.

I am learning to take responsibility for myself and what I can change in my part of the world. I strive to keep my vibration high in gratitude, peace, and love rather than fear, worry, anger, and stress. I send out prayers and love to the world.

I met a woman this week and was led to gift her my book, Simply a Woman of Faith. She sent me a text and said, “I love your book and couldn’t put it down. It gave me lots of hope and relief. Thank you so much. I wish I had made it to Bermuda.”

Remembering how I was provided to travel to Bermuda prompted me to share this story. This happened 35 years ago when I was really stressed and down. I was in the middle of healing from childhood sexual abuse and needed some quiet, alone time desperately.

Going on vacation by myself lingered in my mind and in my dreams for a long time. It surprised me because I had never done anything like that before. I didn’t even go to a restaurant by myself, never mind going on a vacation.

After working with my dreams and praying about it, I decided to visit a travel agency to check out brochures for Bermuda. I had gone to Bermuda for college week when I was 16 and I remembered the deep, crystal-clear turquoise water.

The saleswoman said, “We have some great deals now on Bermuda and I have the perfect hotel for you.” I fell in love with Angel’s Grotto. It looked like the perfect and safe place to go, especially for a woman traveling alone.

When I asked about the price she said, “It’s only $1200, everything included. You can’t beat a price like that. Shall I book it?” It seemed like a good price, but I didn’t have $1200. I didn’t even have $100.

I thought to myself, “I’ll never be able to afford this. What am I doing God? I haven’t even told my husband about it. He’s going to think I’m out of my mind, especially since his unemployment runs out and he doesn’t have a job yet.” Of course, the inner critic chimed in loudly. “Who do you think you are even thinking about going away? You are selfish and self-centered. You don’t deserve this.”

I prayed and asked Spirit to guide me and close the door if this wasn’t His will. When I shared with my husband that I was thinking of going to Bermuda on vacation by myself, he was surprised and asked, “Where are you going to get the money?”

I said, “I’m praying in the money.” He was quiet for a while and then said, “Go for it.” He was supportive and knew the toll the sexual abuse had taken on me.

A couple of weeks later, I ran into a neighbor (whom I hardly knew) while taking a walk. I was shocked when she asked, “Pat, do you know of anyone who can help me with my ninety-year-old mother who just came home from the hospital? I need someone to stay with her for 4 hours a night and put her to bed. I can pay 10 bucks an hour.”

I was so excited and said, “Yes, I’d be glad to help you with your mother. When do I start?” I started the next week and the money poured in quickly. I achieved my $1200 goal in no time. God opened the door and provided all the money I needed to go to Bermuda at the perfect timing.

The trip was not what I expected, but exactly what my soul needed. It rained for 3 days straight. I got caught in a rain/sleet storm while riding my motorbike across a causeway, with cars racing by me. I was terrified and when I got to the sheltered bus stop, I threw my bike down and screamed at God. I had no idea how much anger was inside of me.

It took a hail storm in Bermuda to release the anger and let it go. The next day, the sun shone brightly and I felt transformed and experienced a deep peace within.

Spirit knew what I needed and opened the door and provided everything for my highest good. Remembering the miracles and what God has done in the past will always strengthen your faith.