I was “Future Tripping” & it didn’t feel good
It has been an interesting week of living in the “mystery” because for a couple of days all I could say to myself was, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” I realized how difficult and uncomfortable it is for me “not to know.” It’s scary “not to know” because I usually want to know right NOW! This is about wanting to control things and what’s going to happen next in my life. I saw something on Facebook this week that made me laugh. It said,” RELAX – nothing is under control.” Can you relate?
I shared something with my girlfriend, Kati, about a situation in my life that was unsettling and I didn’t know where it was going. She listened, laughed and then said, “I have never seen you squirm like this before.” She was right, I was squirming and I didn’t like it.
This is not living in the moment, where there is peace, love and joy. It is called “future tripping” and not a very good place to be in my head. I believe it is God’s invitation and opportunity for me to surrender more deeply and to practice what I preach and what I know works. This is “miracle living.”
In meditation one morning, I asked for clarity in what I wanted and didn’t want to do or have in my life. When I go within (my answers are within) and listen, I do know what I want and don’t want. Did I say “I don’t know” because I didn’t want to make a decision, make a mistake or take a risk and perhaps go in a direction that I hadn’t gone before?
It reminded me of when I was thinking about moving to Maui a few years ago. One day I said, “YES” I am moving to Maui and the next day, I said, “NO.” I drove myself crazy and it wasn’t until I got serious and ready that I finally went inside and asked myself the question, “WHAT DO I WANT?” How could God help me and go to work on my behalf if I wasn’t clear about what I wanted? I know sometimes it takes time to know what we really want and we need to be patient with the process. We will know when we are ready to know. It took me 67 years to manifest my dream of living on the ocean and I am so grateful for God’s grace that I had the courage to go within because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be living my dream today.
I am learning that it is ok “not to know” and to live in the mystery, trusting God is in control and the divine plan for my life is unfolding in the perfect and right timing. It is about being patient and willing to WAIT until I am ready. This feels so much better and I am at peace. I know my wanting to control came from living in a dysfunctional home where there was chaos and I never knew what was going to happen next. So control was a way of life to cover up the fear and pain inside. That doesn’t work anymore. Today, I am free, surrendered and can let go and let God.
I received a special gift this week. As I stretched on my bedroom floor, I noticed in the corner of the room some framed pictures that I hadn’t put up on the walls yet. I was led to read a poem that I received many years ago (and I hadn’t read in many years) when I really needed to receive it. It is called HONEY.
BEE BUSY Doing what you love to do
BEE TRUE To the dream’s God’s given you
BEE SURE To taste the sweetness of each day
BEE SILLY Giggle lots and take off to play
BEE BOLD Enough to trust your wings to fly
BEE-LIEVE The power of prayer will get you by
BEE HAPPY Keep your outlook bright and sunny
BEE YOURSELF BEE CAUSE YOU REALLY ARE A HONEY
My mother’s name was HONEY and she died on New Year’s Day when I was 21 years old. In 2005, on New Year’s Day, I asked to feel her presence. A few hours later, I opened my computer and this poem was there and I didn’t know who sent it. I knew my mom had “showed up” for me. She was showing up for me again today, when I needed her. As I read the poem, the words touched my heart deeply because it felt like she was affirming how I am living my life today.
I am doing what I love to do
I am being true to the dream God’s given me
I am tasting the sweetness of each day
I am giggling and playing
I am trusting my wings to fly
I am seeing the power of prayer
I have a bright and sunny outlook
I AM BEING MYSELF BECAUSE I REALLY AM A HONEY
God gives us what we need when we are open, ready and willing to receive. What do you want today? What is the desire of your heart? Your desire is God’s desire for you. Live in the mystery, trust and surrender to God’s plan in your life. You are worth it!
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I loved reading this. When I saw the title of your poem I immediately remembered your mom’s nickname and another inspiring story about her that you shared in Simply a Woman of Faith.
Comment by Lisa Tener — May 7, 2014 @ 2:41 pm