I was in a FUNK & felt out of control and confused
Peace is very important to me and every day I strive to keep myself peaceful. I was clearly in a FUNK and struggling big time, even my dreams were tumultuous as I cried out to God for help. When I shared my FUNK with Larry, he thought it might be a letdown from the excitement of the holidays and buying a new car. I didn’t think that was it. I sensed it might have something to do with my gaining some weight, feeling out of control and how I looked. I am not talking about a lot of weight, perhaps 5-7 pounds, but on me that makes a big difference and I didn’t like how I looked. I remembered that I had written a blog about weight and body image several years ago. Here is what I wrote in March 2013.
“I became honest with myself and admitted that I have obsessed about my weight, body image and how I looked all of my life. I have probably been on every kind of diet there was at one time or another. YUCK, embarrassing and not easy to admit, but I also know that the TRUTH will set me free. I choose to bring to light what has been hidden so that God’s love and light will heal me. This is distorted thinking and crazy making.
God brought to mind that it started when I was very young. When I was 12 years old, my mother, who was on a diet, brought me to a doctor to get diet pills and I stayed on them for a few years. I was not overweight! I remember, as an adult, whenever my father visited me, he would comment. “You gained weight or you lost weight or you are too thin. I was never good enough in his eyes. I recognized that my unconscious belief has been, “I must be the perfect weight and look good to be loved.”
Now here it is a few years later and I am still struggling with this issue. Although I have seen improvement in myself, it was still an issue. My mother and father are no longer with us. It is now MY VOICE that I hear in my head. This didn’t make me feel too good and I wanted the madness to stop. I certainly have tried to let go of this by looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you” and being kind to myself. Bottom line is “I have allowed what others believe about me to become what I believe about myself”. For over 57 years I have lived with this belief that my body isn’t good enough and thin enough. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Why does it take so long for these beliefs to go away? I know it is all in my head; as you get older your metabolism changes and we need to accept the changes. Over the years, I have done it all: tapping, therapy, prayer, affirmations and am still struggling. Of course, I want to take care of my body and have a healthy body that is not overweight. But I also want to “accept what is” and be kind to my body. Isn’t it time to accept what is and to love and honor the body I am living in?
Do you love your body or do you beat up on yourself? You may think you are too short or too thin, tall, or you don’t like your hips, or your stomach or your legs. Or perhaps you are noticing wrinkles in your face or your arms feel like jello.
I read a disturbing article a few years ago that said “80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders.” As a result of both genetic and environmental factors, body image issues and eating disorder behaviors may be passed down from generation to generation. This concept, recently labeled “thin-heritance,” explores how a mother’s views about food, dieting practices, and negative attitudes and comments about her own body or her child’s appearance increase her children’s risk for poor body image and eating disorders.”
My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and God wants me to love and care for the body I have been given. Will you please join me in this affirmation and LOVE REVOLUTION: “I will see myself through God’s eyes – a beautiful creation of love and light. I will love, treasure and honor the body God has given me. I will continue to blossom and grow into the woman God intended me to be.” Let us join together and support one another in this battle for our bodies. IF NOT NOW, WHEN?”
When I finished writing this blog, I felt a definite shift inside of me and the struggle and FUNK were gone. Perhaps the first step was admitting the truth, bringing it to the light and asking God to heal me.
I trust in the power and presence of God to heal this belief that no longer serves me (and never did). Instead of beating up on myself, I am loving myself into health and wholeness and accepting the perfect and right weight for my body.
Heart Steps – Julia Cameron pg. 59
There is no separation between body and soul, spirit and matter. One essence, one unity, runs through all of life. This essence, the God-force is completely pure, completely perfect. I claim for myself the health and perfection of this divine force. My body is beautiful, sacred and beloved. Spirit infuses my body with radiant goodness. I experience vitality, enthusiasm, energy and power. My physical nature and my spiritual nature are one and the same. My body’s needs and urges are divine in origin.
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