I was in fear with all the “what if’s”
My mind felt like a blender going around and around as I thought about what to write about for my blog this week. There were several areas in my life that I could write about and I didn’t know how or where to begin. So I prayed, began and trusted Spirit would lead and guide me.
Many of my friends (including myself) are experiencing a time of “clearing, cleansing, purifying and releasing” with aspects of ourselves coming to the light that no longer serve us. Everything that is hidden is being brought into the light so it can be healed and transformed. Being in a relationship is great and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it does bring up my “stuff” and sometimes with a vengeance. This can be very uncomfortable and it is not easy.
I am so grateful for what I have manifested in my life and my vibration is high. Since I’m the happiest that I’ve ever been in my life and living my dream, I was quite surprised when I started to experience several recurring and unpleasant dreams. I have worked with my dreams for many years and know that God gives me messages and brings up things in my subconscious that I’m unaware of.
Dreams come to assist with a problem, show us a deficiency or pattern of behavior, or give us guidance. Most recurring dreams are about some unresolved issue, fears that we need to overcome, or when we need to change our perspective about something in our lives. They may also be from past lives and what we experienced.
When I awoke from one of my dreams, I felt exhausted, afraid, confused, drained and panicky. The themes of the dreams were about being lost, running, rushing, losing my car and not remembering how to get back to where I was. As I prayed, meditated, journaled and worked with the dreams, Spirit revealed some old beliefs and attitudes that needed transformation and healing.
What came to light was that I felt fearful of losing my relationship with Larry. I had waited for so long for this divine connection and I didn’t want to walk this journey alone again. My fear was about the future and all the “what ifs.” What if he dies soon or if he gets sick, etc.
I don’t want to live in fear or worry about what may happen in the future to me or to someone I love. That is called “future-tripping.” Often we think if we worry enough, we can control the future-this is an illusion that destroys our peace of mind. The truth is that I have no control and am not responsible for what happens to anyone else. All I have control over is my thoughts, feelings, reactions and behaviors.
I allow myself to be robbed of the present moment when I “future trip.” I allow myself to be robbed when I can’t let go of the past and stay stuck in the past. The present moment is all I really have and that is where God is and where there is peace. I asked myself why so many of us “future trip” and don’t live in the present moment. I think, for me, it’s because I’m afraid of what will or won’t happen. The bottom line is that I don’t trust myself and I don’t trust God enough.
If I want to live in peace, I needed to clear and release this fear that was lurking below the surface so I could live life to the fullest and live in the present moment. I read that fear just comes from a thought and I don’t need to be afraid of a thought. It says in the bible that fear is useless, what is needed is trust.
“Most people let their moments slip through their fingers half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. The more connected I am to my source moment by moment; there is no time for worry. Then I am free to let Spirit lead and direct and I walk in peace.” Jesus Calling pg. 128
I shared my fears with Larry and what was revealed through my dreams. What is interesting is that Larry had just returned from a walk with a friend and she had shared something with him that was very I powerful. Here is what she shared. “A grandmother was teaching her 4 year old granddaughter not to be afraid of death. She looked into her granddaughters eyes and said, “I am going to die. You are going to die. All we have is the NOW.” WOW, this is exactly what I needed to hear and practice. Larry and I now look into each other’s eyes and say it daily to one another and it is so healing and transforming.
“Every positive change, every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness invites a rite of passage. Each time we ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.” Dan Millman
Instead of “future tripping” and worrying what will happen in the future, we can practice what Abraham writes “As you give thought to your future—your future that may be 10 years; your future that may be 5 years; or your future that is 60 days away—you literally begin pre-paving. And then, as you move into those pre-paved moments, and as that future becomes your present, you fine-tune it by saying, This, is what I now want. And all of those thoughts that you have put forth about your future, right down to this moment when you are now intending what action you want to take, will all fit together to bring you precisely that which you now want to live.”
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