If you’ve grown up with a parent who was unavailable, abusive, alcoholic, mentally ill, workaholic or narcissistic, it can take years to heal the trauma and recover. The process for me has been to release old patterns, stuck energy, feelings and beliefs that no longer serve me.
Has this ever happened to you? You are going along your “life” feeling connected to Source, magnificent, loved, empowered and remembering you are Love. You feel gratitude and things are flowing with peace, ease and grace. Then comes along someone or something to “trigger” you. A friend or family member does something or doesn’t do something that upsets you. You feel ignored or not valued. We all have different triggers depending on what happened to you as a child and how much healing you have done.
When I have a strong emotional reaction to something that is happening in the present, it is usually stuck energy or a belief from my childhood that needs healing. Instead of playing the “blame game” and seeing myself as a victim, I’m learning to thank the person (in my mind) for bringing up an unhealed part of me.
I wasn’t expecting to be triggered this week, but I was. It was an invitation to be compassionate with myself, not beat up on myself, judge or “shame” myself for not being further along the spiritual path.
I’m choosing to love myself and “accept what is” and where I’m at. I know I’m doing the best I can and so is everyone else. As I’m learning to love and be compassionate with myself, I’m able to love and be compassionate with others.
I want to love others unconditionally and not judge them or make them wrong and me right. I know I cannot control others actions, but I can control my REACTION. It’s not always easy when I’m triggered and I’m dealing with something from my past that still needs healing.
My lesson this week had to do with unrealistic expectations of others. An unrealistic expectation is a premeditated resentment. We may harbor a resentment when the outcome of a situation is not what we wanted or we don’t get a response from another that we were hoping for.
Having an expectation of how we think people “should” act causes unnecessary pain and suffering. When I expect someone to do things the way I do them or act in a certain way, I set myself up for disappointment every time.
For example: When I’m impatient and expect a quick response from a text, email of phone call, I set myself up to be disappointed. Perhaps, I don’t get a response at all, and think I’ve done something wrong. I allow it to determine my value and happiness. Usually it has nothing to do with me, and I’m taking it personally.
There is nothing wrong with hoping for a desired response or outcome, but trying to force it to happen and then having negative thoughts and feelings about myself and the other person is futile. I cannot control the way other people think, feel or act. It is none of my business.
- I’m striving to not expect people to act exactly like I would like them to and to give them the benefit of the doubt.
- I’m striving to live in the moment and stay present with my own thoughts and feelings. When I do this, I’m not letting myself get into stories or victimhood about what the other person should have done or not done.
- I’m striving to give myself the love I crave and need, rather than looking to others to validate and love me.
I will never be peaceful if I’m always expecting other people to do it my way or to love me in a certain way. If I want to be happy, I must drop my expectations of others and let go of what I think they should or shouldn’t do. All I have power over is my thoughts, feelings, reactions and beliefs.
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