“I woke up and had a half-hour of INSANITY”

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly)

Aug
6

I am sitting at the LA airport with 3 hours to kill before I board the plane back to Maui and decided to write about my 1 month trip back to Rhode Island. My friend Larry asked me before I left, “What is your intention for your trip?” I immediately said, “That it flow with peace, ease and grace.” That seems to be a daily mantra for me in everything I do.

I truly believe that “We get what we expect.” I expected my trip to flow with peace, ease and grace and indeed that is exactly what happened. This is what I wrote in my journal the morning I left for Rhode Island. “I feel excited with expectant faith that my family reunion will be the best one ever. My intention is to love my family and friends and to let them know how much I love them. I only see perfection and all is well.”

I had an amazingly fun, relaxing trip filled with the love of family and friends. I was treated like a queen; taken to lunch, dinner, picnic, boat ride, bed & breakfast and a 4 day stay at Narragansett beach in the hottest week of the month. You know who you are so I say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who loved me and spoiled me.

I stayed with my daughter, Mary, on her beautiful Herb Farm for part of the time and she cooked delicious, nutritious meals for me. I felt like a gypsy because I stayed at 7 different homes in 4 weeks. Have bag, will travel was my motto. The day before I left, my daughter and her new boyfriend and I went to Newport, RI for a picnic. When we were driving home, Mary handed me a little package wrapped in newspaper and said, “This is a going away present from Glen and I.” As I opened the stain glass red shaped heart, she said, “This is because we love you so much.” What a special moment that I will never forget and will treasure in my heart.

As we all know, being with family (for a month) can sometimes bring up old issues and dysfunctional patterns. I can truly say that this has been the best time with my family EVER. Even though my children were young adults when my ex-husband and I got a divorce after 30 years of marriage, it took several years for the family to heal and deal. I sometimes felt like I didn’t belong in my own family and that was very painful.

Had my family changed, or had I changed? My daily prayer and intention when I get out of bed in the morning is to be peaceful, to love and to serve. Living in Maui and learning how TO BE had changed me from the inside out. I could feel the changes in me because I felt relaxed and peaceful and no longer needed to control people and situations around me. I had learned to “go with the flow.” In prayer one morning, Spirit showed me that I needed to make an amends to one of my children that I had judged for many years. After I made the amends and it was accepted, I felt like I was floating when I attended church that morning. God is good.

I know that “happiness is an inside job” and doesn’t depend on outer circumstances or how much money I make or who I’m with. I decide how happy I want to be. Believe me, it’s not MAGIC and it doesn’t just happen. It’s about a committed relationship with the Divine within me where there is total trust and a KNOWING that all is well, no matter what. It’s about an internal stream of gratitude or an “Attitude of Gratitude.” Here are the keys to my happiness: Trusting, Relaxing, Allowing, Gratitude, Forgiving and Accepting what is.

My son, Jimmy, bought my car when I moved to Maui. Since he also had a truck, I asked if I could use it while I was in Rhode Island. He said, “Yes” but a few weeks before my visit, he contacted me and said, “Mom, I need to sell the car because my friend is going to buy it now.” I knew something would show up and didn’t worry about it. I didn’t know until I arrived in Rhode Island that I would be driving my old red Honda again. His friend had a knee operation and the doctor told him he couldn’t drive a shift and my car was a shift. I hoped that I could use the car for the whole time, but didn’t know when his friend wanted to pick it up. My son called me the day before I was to leave for Maui and said, “My friend wants to pick up the car today.” Thank you God for taking care of the details and for your perfect timing

My flight was scheduled to return to Maui on Tuesday, July 30^th. My friend Gail called a few days before that and said, “There is a tropical storm headed toward Hawaii on Tuesday or Wednesday, isn’t that when you are leaving?” I felt some anxiety at first and thought about calling the airline to change my flight. I didn’t want to be stuck in the airport over- night if the flight was cancelled last minute. I decided, instead, to thank God and to trust and do nothing. Of course, I would keep an eye on the storm, but I wasn’t going to worry about it because it was out of my control. The storm hit Maui on Monday, the day before my scheduled flight. All flights were canceled that were going into Maui on Monday. I arrived at the airport on Tuesday and had clear sailing, except for a minor detail about a valve that needed to be fixed before we took off. The 86-year-old woman sitting next to me told me that her flight was on Monday and she spent the night at the airport until this flight. Some people were stuck in the airport until Thursday and Friday. Again, God’s perfect timing.

I arrived home safe and sound and spent the first day quiet and adjusting to being back in my home. I swam in the pool and took a walk along the beach to connect with the land again. I was surprised when I woke up the next morning and felt anxious and afraid in the pit of my stomach.

I had a half-hour of INSANITY as I woke up that morning from a dream. Was it jet lag and being up almost 24 hours or was it my ego playing games with me? I felt alone (even though friends had already reached out to me through email and calls). What was going on because nothing had changed – except my THINKING! I was in charge (or I thought I was) again because old patterns of impatience and wanting to know HOW, WHAT, WHEN and WHERE my life was going to change were emerging. Instead of allowing things to flow with peace, ease and grace and the way I have been living my life for the last year and a half, I thought I could help a little and move things along a little faster. Can you relate? YIKES, I knew I was in trouble and needed to get back on the TRUTH track fast.

I jumped out of bed, got on my knees immediately and prayed the Serenity Prayer. I couldn’t wait to pray and meditate and find my peace again.

Here is a quote from Abraham that seemed appropriate. “What true patience is, is knowing that you want it and knowing that it’s coming and actually enjoying the unfolding along the way. Understand that you never get it done. So you might as well be patient. You never get it done, because every time you want and receive, you also receive a new perspective from which to want. Life is a constant unfolding of new desires and then a constant alignment to those desires.”

This is what I read in Creative Ideas by Ernest Holmes:

“I now establish in my thinking an attitude of expectancy of good things. I let go of the limitations of the past and live with the enthusiastic expectancy of the good that I will encounter today. I know that nothing is too good to be true and that nothing is too much for the power that can do anything. I expect the unexpected to happen and believe in a greater good than I have yet experienced. I keep my mind open to divine intuition which is the wisdom that guides me.

I believe that the Spirit within me, which is God, makes perfect the way before me. In this faith and knowledge, I discover a great peace of mind, a deep sense of belonging, a complete realization that God is right where I am. I put my whole trust in God and feel an intimate relationship with the presence and power which controls everything. The Spirit gently leads me, wisely counsels me. I know that the love that envelops everything flows through me to everyone, and with it goes a confidence, a sense of joy and of peace, as well as a buoyant enthusiasm and zest for life.”

The peace has returned, I am grateful and trusting that all is well and flowing with peace, ease and grace. I have discovered a great peace of mind, a deep sense of belonging, a complete realization that God is right where I am. I put my whole trust in God and feel an intimate relationship with the presence and power which controls everything.