I woke up at 3 a.m. in a panic

Posted by admin in Blog (Weekly), Blogs

Mar
18

I woke up at 3 a.m. and thought about all that was on my plate at the same time and said out loud, “Holy SH… It felt like the perfect storm was coming together at the same time. I got up and grabbed my journal to write it all down (instead of keeping it all in my head.) I felt better after I did this and eventually went back to sleep because I thought I had a plan.

I needed to pack and get ready to move out of my friend, Jodene’s, home in two days so I could move in with my friends, Patrick and Nicole, for the next two weeks until my new home was ready to rent. This meant deciding what I wanted to bring with me (food, clothing, important papers, etc.) and what I wanted to put in my friend, Barbara’s, second bedroom.

My girlfriend, Joni, was getting married on Friday (two days from now) and I am her “wedding planner” which means I am in charge of the decorations and making sure everything runs smoothly for the wedding and the reception. I spent several hours last week designing nine flower arrangements for the tables at the reception, which I loved doing. This is my first real job in my new business “Beauty in Bloom Florals.”

My friend, Dr.Gina Kim, and I are planning to do a retreat together “FREE TO BE ME” on March 29^th and we will be getting together next week to prepare for that.

I needed to get car insurance for my new car and it needed to be registered so a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles was in order. We know how stressful that can be.

My new home is already beautifully furnished so I will be having a yard sale to get rid of much of my stuff. I have my boxes piled high in Barbara’s second bedroom, which meant I had to pull the boxes out and go through them to see what I wanted to sell and what I wanted to bring with me.

I wondered why I had so much on my plate at the same time and how I was going to handle it all. Of course, I had no idea I would be moving at this time and the wedding date was planned 6 months ago.

What was most important for me was to stay peaceful and I knew that was a choice. I reminded myself that moving was high on the list for stressors so I had to be vigilant with my thinking and I needed to stay close to God.

In prayer the next morning, I wrote out a list of what was important and what I wanted to do:

1. Pray about everything and ask for guidance

2. Choose to live in peace by making it a priority

3. Ask for help when I needed it

4. Let go of things that weren’t important and I could put off until I was settled.

5. Do the next right thing

6. Focus on Love

7. Stay in the present moment

8. See the beauty all around me

9. Rest and take naps

10. Do one good thing for myself and someone else each day

11. Trust the process

12. See the signs all around me that the Universe is always supporting me

13. Simplify and have a plan

14. Be open to receive from others

15. Affirm that “I have all the time I need and it will flow with peace, ease and grace”

16. Choose to be ok with “being in between” and not knowing how the future will unfold

17. Be patient

As I shared in last week’s blog from the Daily Word, “I surrender to the wisdom of God within, even when I don’t know where that might lead. Like the skydiver who surrenders bravely to a free fall, as I trust God, I am assured my parachute will open. I know there may be a free fall – a period of uncertainty – but as I LET GO AND LET GOD, I LAND SAFELY IN NEW TERRITORY.”

During prayer one day, I was led to go back over my journal for the past month and reflect on my own inner growth and shift. I knew something major had shifted inside of me and I wanted to recognize it, embrace it and honor it.

On March 1, 2014 I wrote, “I am BESIDE MYSELF with excitement and joy for what is happening in my life and what I have co-created with God. I then asked myself, “What did it mean to be BESIDE MYSELF?” It meant that God and I are ONE and that God is strapped in behind me, the parachute is the Spirit that will carry me higher and higher (just like the paragliding that I did a few weeks ago.) It meant that I am my own counselor, cheerleader, advocate, Higher Power, friend, lover and I can be trusted, for the wisdom of God is within.

For much of my life, I looked outside of myself for my answers and I thought that everyone else knew what was best for me. In reality, I gave my power away to every Tom, Dick and Harry that came along. I am not beating up on myself, because I didn’t know any other way. I didn’t know how to trust myself because I wasn’t taught how to trust myself.

Today, I trust myself, go within for wisdom and I teach others how to do that. For the first time in my life, I went INSIDE for my answers in regard to the decisions around renting my new home. It was a huge step in faith and a “knowing” that I was being led every step of the way. It was a QUANTUM leap of faith (double my rent) and the name of the house will be the HOUSE OF FAITH.” I plan on leading individual/ group retreats/vacation and workshops that will be dedicated to God’s healing and transformation.

Let me know if you would like to come to beautiful Maui and do a guided/individualized retreat with me. How awesome would that be waking up every morning and seeing the ocean? How much better could it get that this?