Does a woman of faith experience fear? This woman of faith sure does. The difference from years ago is that I know what fear is, where it came from and what to do about it.
Right before going to bed one-night last week, Larry and I were discussing death. Neither one of us are afraid of dying, but we are not looking forward to being alone when the other partner dies. Larry thinks because he is older than me, he will die first. Of course, that’s not true.
After our death conversation before going to bed, it was no surprise that I woke up in the middle of the night feeling lots of fear in my gut. All the “what ifs” were clamoring for attention. “Would I be able to stay on Maui if Larry dies first? Who would I call to help me? Would I be able to pay the rent alone?”
I allowed myself to feel the fear because I didn’t want to do a spiritual bypass. Once I was fully awake and recognized what was going on, I asked God for help and was able to fall back to sleep.
I kept repeating I CHOOSE LOVE. I CHOOSE LOVE. Fear and love cannot exist together. The peace eventually came. How easy it is to forget that I AM ONE WITH GOD and am not separate. Before I came into the world, I was ONE WITH GOD. I need to remember who I really am as a child of God. I remind myself, “I am not alone no matter what the external circumstances look like. I am ok, peaceful, trusting, surrendered, safe and protected.
For many years, I tried to avoid and resist my fears by staying busy and pushing myself to do and be more. I was never enough. I also tried to control my fears by attempting to control the environment that seemed to produce them. Rather than pushing down my fears, I have learned to live in the “messy middle” and try to stay out of the extremes of my feelings. This means allowing and welcoming all of my feelings, including fear. I don’t shame, judge or blame myself when I feel afraid or angry.
I believe negativity is born out of our ego. Of course, fear can be helpful and can warn us of something that could be harmful in the present or the future. That’s not the kind of fear I am talking about. I love these statements; False Evidence Appearing Real and Face Everything and Recover. Fear is useless, what is needed is trust.
As we grow on the spiritual path, inevitable layers of buried fear are uncovered. The older we get, the deeper the memories go back that need God’s healing touch. We are moving through the layers of fear that have been built up over the years so we can embrace our inner child that is God-like, innocent, loving and fearless.
Whenever I am in the grips of fear about the future and what’s coming up or worrying and obsessing about something I have no control over, I remind myself that EVERYTHING IS ALREADY PLANNED IN THE MIND OF GOD. I can literally feel my body relax and I can breathe into the present moment.
For I know well the plans I have in mind for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29-11
Here is a small example of how God has things under control and planned:
I was cleaning out an old bag and found some wrapped tissues that I hadn’t opened. God Bless You was written on them. I thought they would be good to have in my purse and tucked them in.
The next day as I took my walk on the ocean path, a couple of feet ahead of me was a woman who had just fell and was bleeding. Of course, she was quite shaken up and stunned. When I reached her to see how I could help her, she said, “Do you have any tissues?” I wiped her face that was bleeding, and her friend cleaned her hand and leg that was bleeding.
You may think this was a coincidence or not a big deal. I choose to believe that it was a God-incidence and planned in the mind of God. There are many BIG things that have happened in my life where I know it was planned in the mind of God.
How about you? Do you believe that everything is already planned in the mind of God?
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