Spirit is always revealing to me areas of my life that are out of balance and not in alignment with my highest good. It may be old behavioral patterns that worked at one time to help me stay disconnected from myself and my feelings.
I noticed last week that I felt irritable and agitated and little things were bothering me. This is unusual for me as I strive to live a peaceful life. I prayed and meditated to see what was going on.
I asked myself some questions:
- Was it recovering from a broken shoulder and having to depend on Larry? Although I am healing and getting stronger each day, I still don’t have the freedom to drive and get around on my own.
- Was it COVID and all the uncertainties of the future? It’s difficult not knowing when it will be safe to visit my children.
- Was it the “Great Awakening” and the Ascension process? There are strong energies coming into the planet now and many of us are feeling exhausted, tired and irritable.
- Was it an ongoing health issue that I needed to address?
It is probably all of the above in some way or another. I have several RELAX signs around the house to remind me to relax. The best one is RELAX -it’s only a DREAM. Why do I need to remind myself to relax? As an overachiever, it wasn’t natural for me to relax. There was always something I needed to do and I didn’t relax until everything was done. I had to learn to just BE and stop doing.
For much of my life, I medicated my feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, unworthiness and not good enough by staying busy, rushing and pushing myself to do more and be more. Today, I arrange my schedule not to be busy and rush.
Thankfully, I have grown and really enjoy just being and relaxing and sitting in my swing on the lanai overlooking the ocean. Yet, this week I identified my “inner pusher” was alive and well. Old behaviors sometimes die hard.
My “inner pusher” showed up when I had my intake for physical therapy. I thought I was doing really well, especially after my doctor’s appointment a few days earlier when he said, “You are healing faster than most of my patients.” My ego loved that!
I felt discouraged and disappointed after the intake was over. To be honest, I was expecting the physical therapist to say, “You are doing so well that you will not need many sessions of physical therapy.” That is not what she said and my ego was bruised. My ego wants me to believe that I am better, smarter than others and to compete, compare and be the best.
The first step was to recognize it was my ego and my “inner pusher.” I was putting stress on myself unnecessarily. It was an old behavioral pattern that doesn’t serve me anymore. When I’m pushing myself to be somewhere else, it’s because I don’t want to be where I’m at and I’m resisting “what is.”
Rather than listening to ego who entices me to push and disconnect from myself and Spirit, I choose to feel my feelings and ALLOW Spirit to guide me and show me what I need to do next.
When I had my first physical therapy appointment for my shoulder last week, the therapist said several times, “Don’t push.” I’m so grateful for the awareness that it was my ego who wanted to be in control and be further along than I was, rather than accepting the situation as it is.
I spent time this weekend being, relaxing, enjoying, taking a hot bath, walking on the beach and going within. I needed to LOVE my “inner pusher” even though I know it is the ego because it has helped me get to where I am today. Although, now I choose not to listen to my ego and allow it to push me to be the best. I am doing the best I can and that is more than enough.
Where and how are your pushing in your life that is causing you stress?
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