I love this season of my life where I do what I want, when I want and with whomever I want. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. I check in with myself and ask Spirit to guide me as to what I am to do next or who I am to be with. Sometimes I take a walk early in the morning and sometimes at sunset on the beach.
Years ago, I remember a quote that spoke to my heart. “When you learn to trust yourself, you will know how to live.” It has taken me many years of hard work to trust myself and release old beliefs and behaviors that no longer served me. I try to live in the moment and let go of the past and future. It’s not always easy, but I strive for it.
Of course, while I was raising a family and holding a full- time job. I had to do things I didn’t want to do, whether it was convenient or not. I didn’t have a choice when I had to nurse a baby in the middle of the night or get up with a sick child. I loved being a mother and don’t regret a minute of all that I did.
I didn’t know then what I know now about the importance of loving and appreciating myself, self-care and taking sacred time for myself. I had it backwards. I had to take care of everyone else first (including my ex-husband and children who were old enough to take care of themselves) before I did anything for myself. I said yes when I meant no and then felt resentful when I was exhausted. I’m grateful for all I have learned and continue to learn.
Being in a relationship and married now, I know it isn’t all about me and what I need and want. Larry and I work beautifully together to make our relationship harmonious. We listen to each other and negotiate our needs for the good of the relationship. We rarely question what the other is doing or not doing. We may suggest something to the other and then let it go if the other isn’t interested. Instead of being codependent or dependent, we are interdependent.
It’s interesting what happened this week when Larry was triggered by something I said. I went into the TV room and said, “I love how we respect one another’s decisions to do whatever we want to do for ourselves. I feel the freedom to do what I need to do for myself and think you do too.”
The Universe definitely set this up for us to communicate with one another. He looked at me and said, “I would appreciate it if you didn’t question me about when I have my breakfast.” I had no idea what he was talking about and asked him to explain.
Larry works on the computer in the morning and usually eats his breakfast about 11:00 am. That morning he came into the kitchen at 9:00 am and said, “I’m hungry and going to have my breakfast now. I was surprised and innocently said, “It’s only 9:00 am, you don’t ever have your breakfast at 9:00 am.” I had no intention of telling him what to do or what not to do. It was just a comment.
Larry then explained to me that he felt judged and like he was doing something wrong when I made the comment. We both realized he was being triggered by an old belief that no longer served him. His old belief was that he couldn’t relax until he was productive and finished his work.
I could certainly relate to that belief in my own life. If I didn’t check off things on my to-do list, I felt guilty that I didn’t do enough. It was hard to relax and do nothing if I wasn’t productive first.
We were both grateful that we recognized this old belief that keeps us from doing what we want when we want to do it. Communication, respect, trust, honesty and vulnerability with one another are key components of a healthy relationship.
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