Letting go of guilt & unworthiness
For the last 4 months, I start my day with an affirmation that I received from a friend for my birthday in October. “My good is constantly coming to me. I RELAX and enjoy my life.” I have another affirmation that says, “Dare to be in love with life.”
The opposite of life is death and it is guaranteed we will all die someday. None of us know when we will take our last breath and how much time we have left. Am I being invited to enjoy each moment as if it were my last? I asked myself, “If I knew I had a month or a year to live, what would I be doing?” I knew immediately what I wouldn’t be doing. I wouldn’t be doing projects, rushing, pushing, marketing, “shoulding” on myself (I should do this and that), or working hard to prove my worth.
I would be spending precious time with family and friends letting them know how much I loved them and receiving their love. I would be living in the moment, relaxing and enjoying every moment of my life. I would be having fun and playing. I would be spending time in nature, walking, listening to the birds, swinging on my swing and watching the sunset from my lanai, and swimming in the ocean.
The truth is I do a lot of the above and I love the life I have co-created with God AND I am discovering that there has always been an undercurrent of guilt and unworthiness. The guilt and unworthiness were deep and hidden in my subconscious. I didn’t know it was there until my accident and fall this week. Here is what happened:
I was cutting flowers on Valentine’s day in my backyard. I reached up high to cut a flower and when I turned around, I didn’t see the root of the tree sticking up and fell on my wrist. Of course, I was stunned and scared at first. I then started to repeat, “I choose love, I choose love.” Thankfully, I was able to get myself up and didn’t poke myself with the scissors that I had in my hand.
At first, I didn’t want to tell Larry because I didn’t want him to be worried or concerned about me. We were having company in an hour and I needed his help to finish preparing for guests. He was loving and compassionate when I told him and helped me finish preparing for our guests.
It hit me the next day when I couldn’t use my hand to do what I always do. I felt emotional, vulnerable, needy, and STUPID for falling (especially since I fell and broke my shoulder 9 months ago.) I couldn’t hold back the tears and wanted to retreat to my room and be alone. Instead, I chose to ask Larry to hug me while I cried in his arms. I told him “I feel so stupid for falling.” He reassured me that I wasn’t stupid and that it was just an accident.
I spent the week quietly BEING while nurturing my wrist and my soul. I prayed, meditated, journaled, and listened to the Voice of God-my heart rather than the voice of ego that my clamoring to get my attention (especially in the middle of the night.) It was easier to keep my wrist still than to keep my mind still. I believe that everything happens for a reason and has a purpose. I also believe that I attract everything into my life for my highest good. I was eager and willing to find the gift in my fall.
The accident and fall grounded me (literally on my butt) to get my attention to reveal what was hidden to be released and transformed. I received a message from Spirit while in prayer. It was, “What will it take for you to enjoy the fruits of your labor and not feel like you need to ALWAYS be DOING more? Can you trust the quiet time and relax and enjoy?”
As the guilt and unworthiness surfaced and reared their ugly heads, it felt like it had very deep tentacles and maybe even from other lifetimes. I have a powerful process of an emotional cleanse that I did to release the guilt and worthiness.
Yes, it’s time to enjoy this “AMAZING” and beautiful life I have co-created with God. I am worthy to be happy not because of what I have done, my accomplishments, where I live, but because I AM A CHILD OF GOD and I am worthy and deserving to receive all the good God has planned for me.
It’s time for you and me to relax, enjoy our lives and the fruits of our labor and be GUILT FREE. We are not promised tomorrow. All we have is NOW. It has taken me almost 75 years to get here, but I’m here NOW declaring my amazing life.
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