Ten years ago, I heard Spirit say, “I don’t want you to do anything. I want you to learn how to BE.” I didn’t understand it and didn’t like it because I thought I knew how to BE.
Last week was the 10th year anniversary of moving to Maui. It took courage and the willingness to follow my heart and trust it was the voice of Spirit guiding me to move 5,000 miles away from family, friends, and community. When I moved to Maui it was MY PLAN to continue doing what I loved; leading retreats, spiritual coaching, and inspirational speaking.
God had another plan and I’m grateful I listened. Isn’t that always the way? It’s like I had to make a course correction. By the grace of God, I didn’t do “anything” I thought I would be doing. If I hadn’t listened and allowed my ego and fear to tell me all the reasons I couldn’t/shouldn’t just learn how to BE, I would have missed out on the greatest love story.
Instead of rushing and pushing myself to do more, and be more, I relaxed and took long walks on the ocean and learned to enjoy simple things like sitting and watching the sunset, listening to music and dancing in the house, or reading a book in the afternoon. I listen to my body and what it needs instead of running around and trying to save the world.
Can you give yourself permission to “waste time” and do nothing without feeling guilty? It’s taken me years, but I am learning to “waste time” without feeling guilty. “Wasting time” has become a way of life and I love the quiet and peace deep in my heart that it offers. I enjoy spending time with my best friend, ME. I have learned to enjoy my own company because I know the most important relationship, I have is with myself.
Today, I sat on my lanai for a few hours looking at the ocean, feeling the sun on my face, and listening to the birds. It truly was BEING in the present moment with no agenda, just ENJOYING and doing what I wanted. It was glorious. I don’t push myself to do something if it doesn’t feel right, especially if I’m doing it to please another.
Growing up, I often heard “Hurry up” and never heard, “Take your time.” Consequently, I became a rushaholic/busyaholic. As I look back on my life, I admit my drug of choice was staying busy, rushing, and pushing myself to do more because inside I never felt good enough. Rushing became a way of life for me. Rushing puts you into adrenaline overload and drenches the body with epinephrine, a hormone stimulated by stress, anger, or fear. Although on the “outside” I looked like I had it together, there was an “inner rusher” that was pervasive and intense. I had the image of myself as a racehorse always ready to take off at the gate.
As an addict uses his/her drug of choice to medicate their feelings, I used rushing and staying busy to medicate my feelings of self-hatred, loneliness, not being good enough, fear, and anger.
When I rushed and stayed busy, I didn’t have to feel my feelings and go within. I felt energized and in control when I rushed and powerful when I multi-tasked. I disconnected from myself and from the energy of God within when I rushed and stayed busy to avoid going within.
The key to living a balanced life is to DO and BE. I had it backward. I had to Do-Do-Do before I could give myself permission to relax and BE. Since I have learned how to BE and enjoy my life without guilt and pressure, I am aligned with Spirit and create from my heart.
What is your addiction and how do you medicate your feelings? Do you feel guilty when you relax and enjoy your life thinking you “should” be more productive and DO more?
May the God of the present moment be with you, slowing you down, revealing to you the sacred gift hidden in each moment of your day. May you develop a reflective heart, able to be present to life, a heart that can take time to move beyond the visible to touch the precious mystery of life and living.
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Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host
Simply A Woman of Faith
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