My ego was running the show

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Have you ever experienced doubts and fears after you made a commitment to move forward or made a big change in your life? It may be leaving a job or a relationship or moving to a new home where you don’t know anyone. It’s like all your fears come to the surface to get your attention and you wonder where they all came from.
During meditation this week, I had an image of a wasp’s nest being disturbed. Of course, it wasn’t a pretty scene with the wasp’s flying all around and attacking whatever was around them, including me. I read that “Wasps don’t attack or sting unless they are disturbed or they feel threatened or harmed. When they do attack, they are aggressive and will sting repeatedly.”
After the “Sacred Feminine Awakening and Healing Retreat” a few weeks ago, I made the decision to sign up for the 6-month “Certified Spiritual Sexual Educator Teacher Training.” When I prayed about it and asked Spirit if this was for my highest good, it was a definite YES.
Before I even knew about the 6-month certification training, I heard Spirit say, “You will be teaching this to women.” After I signed up for it, I felt peaceful and excited, especially when my son called on the same day to tell me he had a buyer for my house in Rhode Island and I would have the money for the course. Three days later, he called and said, “The guy didn’t show up so he’s not buying the house.” I said, “I’m glad my faith muscles are strong” and was able to laugh and send him love. My house is on the market now and I am trusting it will sell soon.
It is my belief that ego, when threatened (like the wasps), will attack and sometimes with a vengeance. Fear is what sustains the ego and it is threatened when I hear the voice of Spirit, know that I am one with God and am being guided daily.
My ego thoughts were all over the place and I lost my peace. All of the old beliefs that no longer serve me (that I thought were gone} were coming up for me to look at and let go of.
  • I felt afraid and doubted my decision to move forward with the course.
  • I didn’t think I was enough.
  • I made a mistake by signing up for the course.
  • I thought I “should” be perfect.
  • I thought I “should” be further along in my sexual healing to teach something like this.

I have had a history of expecting myself to know something before I have even been taught. When I started a new job at the VA hospital 20 years ago and had to learn a new computer system, I beat up on myself when I didn’t learn fast enough. That is not being kind and patient with myself.
Right after the retreat 3 weeks ago, I was guided to put all the messages that I received from Spirit regarding the retreat and signing up for the certification in one book. I said to myself, “If I should feel fear, I can read all the messages again. After I read the messages from Spirit today, I knew I was being guided and that this was what I am meant to do. I am stepping into the unknown and trusting Spirit is in charge.
Once I became aware of what was happening and how ego was trying to rob me of my peace, I was back in my center knowing all is well and I am doing God’s work by saying YES to the course. The truth is I have been on the spiritual path and leading retreats for years and have the degrees and certifications to do God’s work. I am excited and blessed to be called to do this sacred healing work.
Spirit is inviting me (and YOU) to TRUST the voice within and to know that we are being guided in our journey every step of the way. There are no mistakes. I have a choice. I can trust that I am being led and I am exactly where I need to be or I can listen to my ego, which wants me to live in fear and not move forward. Ego wants me to stay small and to believe that I am separate from God and alone. I AM CHOOSING LOVE.
What voice are you listening to today?
I received this today and know this is the truth of WHO I AM AND WHO YOU ARE.
“Your light is seen. Your heart is known. Your soul is cherished by more people than you might imagine, If you knew how many others have been touched in wonderful ways by you, you would be astonished. If you knew how many people feel so much for you, you would be shocked. You are far more wonderful than you think you are. Rest with that. Breathe again. You are doing fine. More than fine. Better than fine. You are doing great. So relax. And love yourself today.” Neale Donald Walsch

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Pat Hastings

Author, Inspirational Speaker, Spiritual Coach, Retreat Leader & Radio Talk Show Host

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