My mother shows up
I hope everyone had a nice Mother’s Day. Even though my 4 children and I are scattered all over the globe, and I am 5,000 miles away across the ocean, we connected through phone calls and zoom. Since we are still in quarantine, we stayed at home and I had a peaceful, quiet Mother’s Day. I am very grateful for my children and grandchildren and the love and happiness they bring me.
Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for many of us. We may not all have children, but we all have mothers who have birthed us into the world. We may or may not know our biological mothers. Some of our mothers have gone to the other side and we miss them terribly. Some of us have chosen not to have children. Some of us cannot have children and that causes pain in our hearts. Some of us have mothers that are alive, but we don’t have a nurturing relationship with them. Some of us are blessed to have and have had loving relationships with our moms.
It’s not surprising that Mother’s Day may be difficult for so many women and they feel relieved when the day is over. My mother died in 1968 at the age of 44 on New Year’s Day and I was only 20 years old. My children never got to meet their grandmother, nor was she there when I got married.
Because of her alcoholism and illness, we didn’t have a loving, nurturing relationship. We started to have a relationship a year before she died when she went to Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober. Consequently, there were many Mother’s days that I cried and wished she was still alive. I’m grateful that with the grace of God, I have been able to forgive her and often feel her presence in my life, like I did this Mother’s Day. The best gift I have given to my children has been to do my inner work of healing and forgiveness so I don’t pass on the dysfunction to the next generation.
I love how Spirit gives me what I need when I need it, even when I don’t ask. The day before Mother’s Day, I asked Larry to get a box down from the top shelf of my closet. I was looking for my old picture/affirmation book that I prayed with daily when I was writing Simply a Woman of Faith. I thought looking at the affirmation book would give me inspiration while writing our new book.
I didn’t find what I was looking for in the box. Instead, I found the brown, soft cuddly teddy bearthat was tucked away in the bottom of the box. Memories flooded in as I held the teddy bear close to my heart as tears flowed down my cheeks.
Several years ago, I was really missing my mom and asked to feel her presence.
I was in a gift shop on New Year’s Day when I heard the small, still voice of God say: “I have a special gift for you today, be open.” As I walked around the gift shop, I prayed to be led. I didn’t find anything and wondered if I really heard the voice of God or was it my imagination?
I was about to leave the gift store, but decided to take one more look and walked down the baby aisle. I picked up this soft, cuddly brown teddy bear and held it close to my face. When I turned it over, I saw the manufacturer’s tag on the back. HONEY was in big red letters. My mother’s name was HONEY. Here was my gift from my mother. She shows up when I need her the most. That happened about 30 years ago.
Here was my mom “showing up” again for me on Mother’s Day 53 years after her death. I went to bed this past Saturday night with my HONEY cuddly teddy bear close to my heart. I don’t think I will put her back in the box again. I will keep her near as I need to feel my mother’s love and presence every day.
My mother is helping me with my journey to be a vessel of love and to be the best mom, wife and friend I can be. You weren’t able to be there for me growing up, but you are here for me now. Thank you, mom.
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